What are the different types of swingers?


Hey Peeps it’s Randy Candii,

Well, just before I end tonight with my head on the pillow into snorey land… I wanted to put you to sleep with some Randy Ideas for Perth City Swinging sets…  Everything seems to be the go these days with couples being the most popular…

Yes, I said, that couples are the favourates it seems…..

So, if you two naughty husbands and wives, partners in crime and those that just live together and maybe bored on a Friday or Saturday night, grab your flat mate or partner or some good looking random off the side of the classiest club you find (was going to say some GUY off the street..which I would not do myself..) but, thought I better be a little classy with my assey…

Personally, I prefer my parties a little more private… like in another planet or perhaps high end penthouse on top of a Piano… (ha) there was a bit more to that joke moving alone…

Next, anyhoo I have slapped some more news for you if any of you Sassy couples that want a bit of extra to keep you two company.. then read on….

Until next time… oh yes, in the mean time please update me if you do get it on with a hotty, cuz I love to hear sexy shit like that… why?:

I might even write about your night with some hot stuff and make it real life for you… so get writing and I will find that video camera…. now where did I put it…mmmm

Love Candii, who apparently is … randy…. xxx

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So, what type of Swingers do we have…

Much in the same way that you can’t stereotype swingers in general, no two swinger couples necessarily play the same way either.

The common assumption is that swinging involves partner swapping for sex.

However, the more swingers you meet, the more you realise that swinging doesn’t have set rules.

Here are some types of swingers, or ways to engage in swinging:

Soft Swapping/Swinging

Many new swinger couples opt for soft swapping as their first swinging experience. While seasoned veterans may eschew soft swinging, this gentle introduction to group fun is perfect for couples are who aren’t sure how far they want to take things. Soft swinging may not involve any level of partner swapping at all (ie – same partner, same room sex) with the thrill being from being able to watch another couple have sex. Some couples may be comfortable swapping some foreplay before returning to their own partner for intercourse. Soft swinging may also just involve the women playing with each other while the men watch.

Full Swapping

Full swapping is still the default objective of swinging and if you approach another swinger couple at a swingers club or via an online swingers dating site, then you can assume that is what’s going to happen if you hook up. Full swapping still happens in the same room however, with the enjoyment factor mainly being that all four of you are on the same bed with full access to all body parts. If all partners are bisexual then you can imagine this type of swapping leads to a giant tangle of arms and legs, and big, big smiles.

Open Swinging

Open swinging takes things up another level. Some couples are content for each other to enjoy whatever fun opportunity comes their way without the other partner being present. Many prefer full swapping but in separate rooms for maximum enjoyment of a new partner. It’s not so much that they do not enjoy watching their partner with another person but they understand it’s not always practical to ensure everyone’s other half are present without breaking the sexy mood. This is probably more common at swingers clubs and swingers parties where it’s not unusual for one partner to be socialising whereas the other has found an opportunity to play. As long as it doesn’t put anyone off, this is a popular option for the more confident swinger couple.

Open Relationships

Swinging is essentially the act of two or more couples sexually interacting with each other so open relationships are technically not a type of swinging.

However, many swinger couples dabble in having an open relationship as another element of naughty fun.

A lot of couples find the party scene a bit too much and the task of finding a compatible couple daunting. As such, it makes sense for them to seek out partners they are individually attracted to have fun like a single. Some swinger couples frown on open relationships but couples who like to play openly are just as committed to each other.

Swingers Clubs in Australia

Swingers Clubs in Australia

It’s a hard task to name the best swingers club in Australia. You can search Google but since you’ve found Swingers Australia, then search no more. Swingers Australia has the biggest, comprehensive listing of swingers clubs in Australia.

Visiting a swingers club is great fun for both sexy couples and adventurous singles. You have the chance to meet and maybe have sex with other swingers from your area. Our swingers club section will allow you to search your area and find other swingers.

For those of you that don’t know, a swingers club is where married or otherwise committed couple swingers go to meet other swingers and actively engage in recreational sex with other swinger couples.

Some swingers clubs in Australia are actual night clubs that include private and public places to have sex if singles and couples so please. Other swinger club activities start at a regular night club that will host a couple or swingers night for sexy people to meet and then those couples go to another venue to have sex.

Even if your preference is to meet swingers via adult dating websites, it can be a lot of fun to arrange for a few couples to meet for the first time socially at a regular bar, before heading to a swingers club to take a look. Especially those who may be unsure about clubs and swingers parties, being in the company of people you’ve already met and click with will make your first time experience a lot of fun and stress-free.

Swingers Australia is the place to find out about the best clubs and parties in your area. Whether you live in Sydney or Brisbane, we’ll let you know where the action is at.

Swingers Clubs in Sydney
Swingers Clubs in Melbourne
Swingers Clubs in Perth
Swingers Clubs in Brisbane
Swingers Clubs in Adelaide

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Sex Robots are Cuming….


NOTE: THIS IS BEING DUPLICATED TO SEE HOW POPULAR A TITLE IS ON A BLOG POST

I was chatting to my sister-in-law this morning about PTSD, and other things at the end of our chat I brought up Robotic Women in the next 10 years…. what will we expect..?

So, I said, well, imagine, one day owe in a future coming sooner than you think!

We will have Men/Women Robots that look, feel and act just like us, to the point that we can purchase app that can simply be uploaded to that particular robot to act, do, simulate everything of our sweet desires.

Even for war, meaning they will be out soldiers that will be able to do what we do, interesting or is it scary? You tell me?

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Let me paint you a scenario:  FFM

A couple wanting a 3some/4some – and here we are at the start of what could be possible without worry, guilt, perfect right? Now it is, yes!

So, you got this robot that can join you in a 3some and you both do it.. easy peasy…  may not be the real thing however, not bad for a good try.

However, if the wife comes home and finds hubby fcyking the doll while she’s at work, I think that would be a bit awkward and after she settled down both of you could laugh about it NOW!!!!!

Now let me paint you a different scenario:  MMF

10 years from now and those innocent dolls have a memory, are able to feel, get angry, moans when he/she has sex to the point of perfection and NEVER COMPLAIN!!

All because of our needs or those who think they can perfect it by using a simple downloaded app that enhances emotions ….. interesting and a little bit of a worry…

Then, they have the same scenario using this robot, male this time far more superior to the point of making his penis bigger, smaller and lasting longer for those women who like it long and hard…..

So, then what is hubby going to feel, do, when he see’s and hears his wife being fucked harder and unfortunately, as we all know human nature as it is… it would be a natural emotion to see that he will get very angry, hostile, and or even jealous..of a stupid robot being created by the creator who wanted it all for HIM…..

So, the motto of this story always think before you create or make anything in life and communicate how this new product could become something more than just a sex doll.

A message to the creator of these Sex dolls… below

Dear Sir,

What and for whom do you create this product for.. how is it going to affect us humans that seem to live in such a civilised world without war, without homeless people, without other areas you can use this product for .. so you chose a sex doll…first..wow, really!!!

Of course, I am going a little over board but, I do believe we made a Movie of what sci-fi robots could do just using our imaginations… right.. so, in saying that this is possible that robots in our near future could be a problem if they don’t think further about how this could affect us going forward…

We live in a society that has so much to fix .. why don’t we firstly fix what we have before we create something that could affect our people who are struggling now..

PTSD, comes to mind… why??

  • Because it seems that everytime we create something that seems so sweet, innocent, ends up hurting someone more…
  • Sounds stupid really, but is it that I am worried about nothing?
  • Or is it nothing “we” should be worried about?

Just saying what could occur not saying what may not occurr…. your thoughts would be cool to here…

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Silly right? or is it?

Click onto this and see for yourself

http://www.newsweek.com/2014/10/31/sex-robots-278791.html

click here to see what has been and what could be

Food for thought!

I am one for future stuff like this however, as long as we have a DELETE BUTTON… or the destroy button or another planet to live on.. we should be fine..hehehehehe

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Imagine Robots having rights?

Below I leave you with some future thoughts that could possibly occur on the NEWS…

Artifical Intelligence, if you make it, it will come..

What a subconcious decision that creeps up and gets you when you least expect it..

DON’T BELIEVE ME CLICK HERE

“Police found what they thought was a human body floating head down in the water …was in fact a Robot, we where thankful, as this robots life was indeed used for unhuman reasons that we cannot describe to you that was examined by  forensics..

here is what has already hit our internet and is being used today (PLEASE DO NOT CLICK THIS MAY OFFEND SOME…. they are called realdolls

Not to mention what some of you are already thinking .. pedophila…

 

 

How about this thought ROBO RENTALS we deliver your Blonde Robot for only $80 for the night …with a bond of $1500 ( if we find that you have de-membered this particular robot will cost you $1500 plus legal fees for the full amount of this bot which will cost a further $25,000 because you ordered the Dulux Ass doll that vibrates your cock off)

BTW… if we take you to court we have the right to submit this on the front page of every newspaper with your picture age, state and address of where you live)

Why?

Because it isnt human… doosh bag!!!

 

 

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If you Dangle a Carrot expect it to be eaten!!! PTSD comes to mind..


I was chatting to my sister-in-law this morning about PTSD, and other things at the end of our chat I brought up Robotic Women in the next 10 years…. what will we expect..?

So, I said, well, imagine, one day owe in a future coming sooner than you think!

We will have Men/Women Robots that look, feel and act just like us, to the point that we can purchase app that can simply be uploaded to that particular robot to act, do, simulate everything of our sweet desires.

Even for war, meaning they will be out soldiers that will be able to do what we do, interesting or is it scary? You tell me?

22658.jpg

Let me paint you a scenario:  FFM

A couple wanting a 3some/4some – and here we are at the start of what could be possible without worry, guilt, perfect right? Now it is, yes!

So, you got this robot that can join you in a 3some and you both do it.. easy peasy…  may not be the real thing however, not bad for a good try.

However, if the wife comes home and finds hubby fcyking the doll while she’s at work, I think that would be a bit awkward and after she settled down both of you could laugh about it NOW!!!!!

Now let me paint you a different scenario:  MMF

10 years from now and those innocent dolls have a memory, are able to feel, get angry, moans when he/she has sex to the point of perfection and NEVER COMPLAIN!!

All because of our needs or those who think they can perfect it by using a simple downloaded app that enhances emotions ….. interesting and a little bit of a worry…

Then, they have the same scenario using this robot, male this time far more superior to the point of making his penis bigger, smaller and lasting longer for those women who like it long and hard…..

So, then what is hubby going to feel, do, when he see’s and hears his wife being fucked harder and unfortunately, as we all know human nature as it is… it would be a natural emotion to see that he will get very angry, hostile, and or even jealous..of a stupid robot being created by the creator who wanted it all for HIM…..

So, the motto of this story always think before you create or make anything in life and communicate how this new product could become something more than just a sex doll.

A message to the creator of these Sex dolls… below

Dear Sir,

What and for whom do you create this product for.. how is it going to affect us humans that seem to live in such a civilised world without war, without homeless people, without other areas you can use this product for .. so you chose a sex doll…first..wow, really!!!

Of course, I am going a little over board but, I do believe we made a Movie of what sci-fi robots could do just using our imaginations… right.. so, in saying that this is possible that robots in our near future could be a problem if they don’t think further about how this could affect us going forward…

We live in a society that has so much to fix .. why don’t we firstly fix what we have before we create something that could affect our people who are struggling now..

PTSD, comes to mind… why??

  • Because it seems that everytime we create something that seems so sweet, innocent, ends up hurting someone more…
  • Sounds stupid really, but is it that I am worried about nothing?
  • Or is it nothing “we” should be worried about?

Just saying what could occur not saying what may not occurr…. your thoughts would be cool to here…

231779-1.JPG

Silly right? or is it?

Click onto this and see for yourself

http://www.newsweek.com/2014/10/31/sex-robots-278791.html

click here to see what has been and what could be

Food for thought!

I am one for future stuff like this however, as long as we have a DELETE BUTTON… or the destroy button or another planet to live on.. we should be fine..hehehehehe

231779-4

Imagine Robots having rights?

Below I leave you with some future thoughts that could possibly occur on the NEWS…

Artifical Intelligence, if you make it, it will come..

What a subconcious decision that creeps up and gets you when you least expect it..

DON’T BELIEVE ME CLICK HERE

“Police found what they thought was a human body floating head down in the water …was in fact a Robot, we where thankful, as this robots life was indeed used for unhuman reasons that we cannot describe to you that was examined by  forensics..

here is what has already hit our internet and is being used today (PLEASE DO NOT CLICK THIS MAY OFFEND SOME…. they are called realdolls

Not to mention what some of you are already thinking .. pedophila…

 

 

How about this thought ROBO RENTALS we deliver your Blonde Robot for only $80 for the night …with a bond of $1500 ( if we find that you have de-membered this particular robot will cost you $1500 plus legal fees for the full amount of this bot which will cost a further $25,000 because you ordered the Dulux Ass doll that vibrates your cock off)

BTW… if we take you to court we have the right to submit this on the front page of every newspaper with your picture age, state and address of where you live)

Why?

Because it isnt human… doosh bag!!!

 

 

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The Secret Warning Hidden In Your Horoscope, Based On Your Zodiac Sign


TIME IS NOW… ZODIACS….

FOR THOSE 3 THAT ARE STUCK……….Start doing…… and planning and most of all having the best time in your lives.. and for gods sakes believe in yourselves… 

I didnt do these below but, they seem pretty good….. continue…. love Candii xxx

 

 

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Take a break from being so moody and impatient. You will find yourself enjoying the good times more if you aren’t wishing things away by being constantly rushed and uptight. Let go and just trust in the intent of the universe, because things might be bumpy ahead.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

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Stop fighting your successes just because they weren’t what you originally thought they would be. Everything happens for a reason, and even if you can’t see it clearly now, the reasons are valid. It is okay to not have everything go exactly your way all the time: compromise makes people like you more.

RELATED: 25 Best Taurus Tattoo Ideas & Bull Tattoos For Taurus Zodiac Signs

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Something big is about to happen. Don’t panic, though: just remember to breathe and trust your instincts. If all else fails, be aware of those around you and let them be a guiding light. You’ll find your way through, just stay patient and stay the course.

RELATED: 4 Harsh But True Reasons Why Geminis Get On EVERYONE’S Nerves

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

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Careful not to get too wrapped up in the business affairs of others: it can lead you down a dark path. Take some time to “smell the coffee” and really think through what your stuff is and what belongs to someone else. Nobody likes to carry around any extra baggage than needed.

RELATED: 15 Uplifting Quotes That Will Comfort Even The MOODIEST Cancers

LEO (July 23-August 22)

Hard times ahead: you are going to find yourself with too much going on that is outside of your control. Don’t fight for your place or try to push others out to grasp control. The right time will come and others will eventually see that they are ignoring a good resource (you).

VIRGO (August 23-September 22)

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Watch that you don’t let your emotions take control, let them merely serve as a guide for you without becoming overwhelming. If you find yourself in circumstances that make you feel annoyed or restless, remember to revisit your true motivations and ideals. Use your wise mind to make the best decisions, you need both your rational brain and emotions to plan the best path for now.

RELATED: The 10 Best & Worst Zodiac Personality Traits Of Virgo (+ Their Perfect Love Match)

LIBRA (September 23-October 22)

You hate change, but it is time to make it happen. It is okay to visit your inner child from time to time, and in this instance, it might be necessary.

Negative emotions are ahead. Be sure to focus on self-care and don’t be afraid to reach out to a trusted friend if needed.

RELATED: 20 Motivational Quotes That’ll Help Libras Make Up Their Damn Minds

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)

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Watch out, someone is going to “move your cheese.” Hold tight to your brain and common sense, simply allow circumstances and emotions to come and go as needed while reminding yourself that you will maintain stability. With so many changes and with things feeling off or misplaced, you’ll need to constantly remind yourself of the stability that still exists inside.

RELATED: Traits Of The Scorpio Zodiac Sign That Make It The Most Intense Sign In Astrology

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)

Careful: don’t put the cart before the horse. It is important to take time to settle into your emotions and connections with others before diving in with words and promises that your heart may not agree with. You may also find that allowing yourself to look within allows you to better care for yourself and your health, something you may desperately be needing right now.

RELATED: 25 Best Arrow & Constellation Tattoo Ideas For Sagittarius Zodiac Signs

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)

You need to calm down, slow down, and use your talents as intended to best serve your life, not simply the lives of others. You must stop causing yourself stress from holding too firmly to something that should have been left in the past. Without a good foundation, it is impossible to build a home.

RELATED: 5 Ways To Keep The Capricorn You Love Happy AF — Or Else

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)

https://giphy.com/embed/vguMx94ZQzi4Yv50wrvia GIPHY

This can be a troublesome time for you and tensions may rise. Be careful to listen and genuinely hear the viewpoint of others before growing irritated and jumping to conclusions. Be willing to compromise if needed to restore harmony and bring a better balance to your life.

RELATED: 4 Strange Myths & Facts About The Aquarius Zodiac Sign That You Should Know (Even If You Don’t Believe In Astrology Or Horoscopes)

PISCES (February 19-March 20)

You are going to soon find yourself challenged to think about your true mission and purpose in life and might need to be prepared to make some changes. If you continue to remain tied to the past situations that you should have set down long ago, you will find that the upcoming changes in your life are going to be that much more difficult to bear.

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Beautifully honest, she wrote, becareful of alone time this can potentially hinder you.. And I agree


Tragically shattered, her bravery alone is an inspiration of all of us!!

Hi Candii here,

Well, what amazing video of strength and honesty of herself!

I wonder how many times she has said the same story over and over to help others and let me add I bet there is a partial bit of release within herself, however, as I know how this feels in my own journey this all depends on her state of mind at the time she tells it..

Like Leslie, said, even after theraphy she relapsed and felt like her entire life and inner strength was shattered, I get it, that feeling of self loathing it sneaks up and frightens you with no regrets to make sure the pain was still present..

Her therapist told her this will occurr over and over again, horrified at that thought, which I recall a dear friend told me, my response, “Are you serious, that took everything out of me I don’t want it to come back, like Leslie’s therapist said the same response, Franny, it will come back over and over but, it will affect you less and less each time it comes back…

He was right! Was he right! 

My growth felt slow and quick and that realisation came and went out the back door before even saying, gidday, which made me have a massive relief and then a huge lul of sadness and self loathing.

Understanding yourself is a must to move forward for a full life of living on this Earth, so be brave like Lesley, your a beautiful human being who deserves to live in this life.

Her words are so beautiful and everything she said with her voice, heart, soul and even body language was honest to true.. worth every minute..

Be brave and live .. I am doing just this.. and it will be worth it.. I promise..

Franny (aka Candii) xxx

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A letter I wrote 3 years ago…


Today I was going through my papers to tidy up and I came across this which I wrote to my husband over 3 years ago.

We chattered about many things and trust me when you get a little bit older you also will chat about alot of things especially if you have both been together for a many years.

I listened very carefully to his words and I also thought with an open heart and I wrote this to him to remind him that when you marry someone or are in a relationship with someone you must understand that those underlining words are so important in any friendship, marriage that you are in or it means nothing…

So, have a read and you tell me what you think?

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The Train was coming .. A father and Son story…


 

Never ever think that life is a given, we live short lives but, some live even shorter lives, those lives you have to think about before yourself.

When you are a single parent you do not have that luxury of slacking off you have to be Mum and Dad.. when you do this with your children something has to give.. right!!

So, sometimes if you look back especially those who one had 1 parent or some children had none.. so you must understand our lives we are living right now may not be here tomorrow..

They say a person who does the ultimate sacrifice which is biblical it means it will come back to the Earth and you will see the miricle that occurs through this!

That isnt word for word however, what that means though which I have to say is harsh, sad and very sacrifical it just means help others and others will help you which could mean that what ever you did to help… You will see in time that it is worth it.. This movie is intense… and very sad however, the meaning is real…. LOVE…..

 

 

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Beliefs are Magical, Mystical and most of all it is Freedom of living


 

Imagine a life of beliefs, Imagine a life of wonderment, imagination, magical events, and Empowerment of ones self…

When we are young we imagine so easily, to be a Astranaut, Nurse, Doctor, Priest, getting married, having children, climbing that mountain, running a race …

We all have beliefs sometimes we have those anchors that hold us back but, we rise above the harsh experiences and we learn and we grow…

We change… did you know that we Change and you dont even see youself doing it..

The hardest thing in this world is to change… but, we do.. we learn something new.. and we go okay lets do it.. or grab an empty suit case and we run down to the airport and we close our eyes and we pick there..

Why is it that we find life so hard, so difficult to believe, if a person is a good person why on earth would you hurt them, you would embrase their courage, hug them and say you are so brave and you did so well and they appreciate those small little words but, it means more to them then breathing this air we take for granted.

We are all unique and beautiful we just need like minded people to listen to us, believe us and just like us for being just that different.

That to me is strength, truth, love, all those beautiful words we all are so lazy by taking those who we trust and love for granted .. let me tell you I do not take anyone that I feel has a soul that loves… as week.. it is the strength that most of us don’t have..

Move your ass off that couch and do something spectacular…. and enjoy it…. love it and pat yourself on the back for being brave enough to try… and that is living a life…

And if those that you are around don’t understand you move to another area and they will gravitate towards you because you are so true.. and truth is Empowerment..

And it is Beautiful…. that is all we can do.. in this small amount of time… so make sure you change every day do something you dont normally do… sing, dance, live, drink, eat, whatever you want to do…. just do it with humility…

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Why is it so hard to just believe someone!! Let your Armour go… and risk by being seen… we are worth it..


Did you know most comedians suffer from Mental Illness?

They use laughter and Comedy to heal themselves or you could say level themselves out..

I get it.. I always mostly always use humour to soften my heavy talk.. because a SMILE, Laugh, and giggle will always change your frame.

I guess when I rant it is because deeply I am a passionate, loving, giving, maniac, and I will never change … I am full on and sometimes I will be the most sadest little girl alive..

But, that is okay, and I wont allow others to bring me down.. Why?

Well, that is because I worked extremely hard at fighting for it.. living and breathing for it, sacrificing myself for it… and another thing.. that only thing I ever asked back was you to listen and believe in me..

 

Why is that so difficult..?

Maybe it isnt me.. maybe its you…  I get so much out of Energy, compassion, hard efforts and ongoing earning to help, I find some people fasinating because.. why , do I have to have a reason?

Do you have to have a reason to like, hate, be annoyed by me… we all have a sad story to tell… everyone on this earth and it hurts.. do you think when we retell our stories it will change?

Nope, same story, not as sad, you say I get it you had a hard life.. boo hoo….

If you told me about your life… I would hug you , love you and embrace you into my life forever and I would never say boo hoo..

see what I am saying… help others…. by doing this you may funny enough help yourself..

 

 

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CHANGE NOW..Before it is too late..


Firstly, this is writen by my own opinion and my life experiences of people, family values,  those beautiful values that have been within us since time began, marriage, unity and love of a couple that

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Which are these:

  • Trust
  • Honesty
  • Love
  • Loyality
  • Chilvary
  • Honor of one another
  • Devotion

Those  values and many more are our back bone of being a honest, open, loving and loyal person this doesnt mean your ego driven, nor does it tant your ability to understand other areas of the unexplored it just gives us a stuction of how we portay ourselves as decent human beings, that we respect one another and treat each other with a bit of kindness when it is needed the most.

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You see these you could call them old , new whatever they are still strong character structed beliefs that have been handed down by decent human beings.  So that life can be structed with at least some parial understanding of what we expect within each and every person we meet in our lives.

Of course this isnt always true I am not here as a person to preach something that I am not educated on I can only preach what I am educated on and of course what I have experienced in my life and seen in other peoples lives.

The reason I am bringing these virtues if you wish up is because our Society even though we have seen wars, people dying of terrible circumstances by man, women and even children of our own… so in our Society we must maintain either religion, that gives us faith to have a belief in and that perfectly fine.. and those who don’t and those who have there own way of understanding life to live it the best we can.

However, every person on this Earth is and will always be uniquely created and that is absolutely amazing let’s face it if we where not built with a mind of our own, an opinion, a personality to be able to speak, talk, leacture, teach, listen to and watch then we would have all been born Robots right!

So, weather it was religious beliefs, a spiritual understanding, the universe talks to me, budda, hindu, and all other religions, and all other languages and all other lands we are born in make us Uniquely wired.

So, as we grow through our years of evelution please tell me why we seem to be stuck?

I want to understand that isnt it our right to thrive, grow, learn from each other by understanding that togetherness and being united as a whole is far better than being judgemental, critical, ego driven, selfish, nastisitic, hateful, resentful, so many other labels of denial I cannot and will not type them here.

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Are you not sick of these stuck, soul destroying, screaming with every bit of your soul trying to say something that people just dont want to believe or want to give you any worth of Validation…??

I am so sick of listening to the same bullshit words that will never make you happy, that will never make you laugh, bond with others, listen to those that may have some kind of understanding not because they are telling you stories of the same old fashioned none moving, judgemental crap we have heard since the medievil times.

  • Do as I say not as I do???
  • I am smarter than you and I say it is so??
  • A man and a women must do this to be decent..
  • A man and a man if they do this they are sinners..?
  • You are black, white, grey, pink, gay, str8, tranny, lebians, lipstick lesbians, bisexual, drang queen, queer not to mention these new ones… A sexual, Pan sexual, tran sexual, and the list goes on and on…
  • Lists of what we are.. lets put  us all in pigeon holes…

If you have a kink your a slandered with being strange, sadists, molestors, dominators, dicatators, submissives, slaves, sluts, fuck knows what… ELSE are we going to do to stop us being free of what we think, feel, love, desire, want, fantasise about or even dream..

If you think it we will slander you into a label sized opinionated, bitch, mole, slut, gay, str8, etc, etc, etc.

My point is… I have a past that is to some either fun, dull, boring, exciting, sad, tragic, pitiful, forfilling, loving, wonderful, thankful, good, bad, horrible…

But, we don’t ever change.. and when we do .. some of us get scared because fear creeps into your heart because of our values being broken and that to me is sad..

Why on Earth would you want to break people into pieces just because you Don’t understand something that could possibly be freeing, loving, amazing, true??

Why is it that we judge so harshly on one another?

Why is it that we put each other through so much pain, we watch some of us cry with full on tears because we who don’t have that time to take or want to understand that not all of us are the same as Every person who decides to take the easy way..

You know what that is…..?? Denial of Belief !!

Those 3 words are I dont believe you because…..

I doubt your true to yourself because…..

What+Defines+Us

I have never met a person that wont prove me wrong that they are scum… because…

I am YET to meet someone that says… okay, why not, lets give it a go, I like you, I know you, you have all those wonderful old fashion values that you use everyday.. but, never yet Have I seen this to be true………

Why is it so hard to just allow yourself that ability not to label, judge, slander, accuse, disbelieve … why cant we just believe???????

Why do we keep making people beg, prove, test, why do you all have to be so HARD, if you want my opinion why our young kill themselves its because we are HARD, HARSH and WE ARE SEVERE AND VERY INTENSE NASTY HUMANS THAT JUST .. go into their groups and debate and hesitate and never give each other positive validation, a pat on your own back nor do we embrace each other and just love..

We are too hard, we are too nasty we are just darn right stuck !!!

And without hope, allowing each other to go okay I had it hard, good bad or awesome not most of you even comment on posts because unless it benefits you and you alone.. you will just like.. because something inside you thinks that I will judge you .. or others will slander you..

BE BRAVE AND CHANGE …. MENTAL ILLNESS WILL KILL THOSE WHO WONT HELP THEM GROW…. I WILL DIE AS WELL IF I KEEP IN THIS TOXIC LIFE .. SO PLEASE DONT IGNORE MY WORDS FEEL THEM, AND CHANGE YOUR VIEW.S….

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What is it that I have to say to you that you believe I am true to my word?????

 

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Lets talk about Triggers that happened to me today…


Lets reframe with my vulgar language this will happen from time to time as I understand, grow and learn how to use better language in expressing my Disgust about how Triggers, effect me when they hit.. (so please excuse me I really do not mean to be so rude…ok, perhaps I do, but, you know what I mean)

I will be sharing my experiences of my own triggers how to understand them, realise you are not alone in this strange way of trying to understand yourself

We are human and trauma on top of being us makes us feel like a elephant that decided to sit on our heads because he/she wanted too… RIghtO Heffa!

Well, I am going to share with you mine.. please, please know that I only do this because I want to help you .. and if we do not share our feelings of crap, whatever you wish to express your mental bullshit illness that is.. then you express it..

I give you permission…… yeah, right.. me give you.. oh never mind… read it please you nut bags…

Lovely people.. this may take some times….heheheh joking

Trauma Therapy

 

Firstly lets talk about how I am triggered.. and how this could help you see familular characteristics like me (god help you) with how to recognise them.

This is my trigger this week that ended up today… more so…

  • tired
  • run down
  • didnt take my menopause tablets
  • didnt complete my assignments for study (result I punish myself)
  • Felt ugly
  • Disgusting
  • House was unclean

The above are only just a few that affect most of us, sometimes if we really are low, and close to triggering.. or I will call it “one more shove over the cliff, I am ready about now”.

Without us even realising it we are already there with uncertainty about how we feel about ourselves.

For me it was not enough I felt those above I had to punish myself further by:

  • Feeling unworthy
  • Unloved and not worth anyones time of day
  • Why is he with me?
  • Why do I feel after 20 years that he loves me (what was I thinking … if true you will die a painful death i not … love you)

I will dictate that better later… in other words when you love something or someone so much and it’s pulled away by making you feel unworthy it is like a sword that has driven deeply into your heart and without you even being aware every time someone hurts a person when they would never hurt anyone it damn well rips your guts out and makes you feel less than human…. that is what my feel was when I lost my son to bitter, angry, unwarranted and bastard like bullshit …

Golden rule parents…. Never use your children as a tool against each other, because trauma also occurs when we love our parents!

As we all know and if we don’t then we should understand this – Children blame themselves and parents blame each other.. why because we a selfish individuals when we fight over money and things.. (remember that)

When your body is telling you something stop and go over it and over it until you hear something simular and that could be a single sentence that is repeated but your brain still has a hard time in registering it… it’s like a slow boat or perhaps better said, when everything slows down so much that you feel like your a record being held against playing a beautiful song…

  1. Remember boys and girls when you are run down, tired, not feeling well, in my case lack of energy, sore lower back made me feel yuk right, then I slowly start to have the energy to understand “hang on.. why am I feeling this way and suddenly I have this boost of energy again… however, as I am run down I don’t retain this thought.. and back to lack of energy…

To understand you.. and how this works you must understand and allow yourself to be brave and put yourself out there.. I guess.. I must, must be very, very Clear when I say this… Mental Illness isn’t your fault…. ok…..

I will say it again….

MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT YOUR FAULT……..DID YOU HEAR ME?????

I AM SAYING THIS LOUDER, MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT YOUR FAULT… DID YOU HEAR ME??

ALL TOGETHER NOW, MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT MY FAULT…. GOT IT… FAR OUT GOOD..ssheeeeeeeeeeeeeesh how hard… oh never mind.. moving on..

 

So, please read the above only those who get it will understand it… and those who understand it will eventually get it…

A quote by me……. When you share your fears, loves, happiness after trauma, be sure those we share these beautiful things is a compliments because we care and love you all.. so never ever take that for granted… that is a Pure beautiful gift we give but, only to those that get us…

And for those who I now understand…… I will going forward do my utmost best to work it out myself without putting too much on those that care deeply and because those chosen few (lucky those few) I thank you with all my heart.. and understand if you hesitate in picking up that phone.. bastards….. I get it… thank you xxx

btw GET YOURSELF A JOURNAL BECAUSE YOU MUST EITHER WRITE IT DOWN OR HAVE THE GUTS TO TELL OTHERS LIKE ME…

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To get here you should applaud yourself, it is very brave, of you to care about you.. and that is okay to do this….. never ever ladies and gents think you are alone..

I am swimming sometimes and drowning the next but, it does get better with understanding, and giving yourself a bloody pat on the back for being YOU……

Thank you and if you wish to comment, abuse , agree, disagree, and even share your experiences I will adore you because you may end up helping ME too..

 

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Happy Birthday… Jordan x


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A Letter to my son who I have not seen in over 15 years…. with so much love… so here is a little of me to you…

The above picture I wrote within the first few months mainly because it took me that long to write it or even could write about you….

To be perfectly honest for 2 years straight I cried and sobbed in the arms of Courtney before I went to bed..that was the only way I could fall asleep… 

Time passed and I would then do my own silent tears… every day, every moment, and every thing I am saying is true… 

Never think for one moment that I wanted you to leave always know that I did try very much but I also didn’t have any strength in me left because I knew it would take so much to fight and I was so tired of fighting life.

You always where in my heart, in my wicked prays, and definately I had a eye on you even when you had no idea that I didnt…

I knew by looking at you your body, soul would never be able to fight between your dad and me as your mum, and frankly that would have been the most selfish cruel thing to do with you… you had me in you… at that age.. And to be honest I barely survived back in those days plus, I knew that both of them would have been challenging that is what I felt..

If that wasnt the case then “thank god”, I could tell you so many true things about you and me and why I did what I did.. but, never, ever think for one moment that I never thought about you baby boy.. Every day of my life.. and will do until the day I die.. because that is what great mothers do.. they realise that it isnt all about them..

You are a Unique and beautifully talented, strong, male and I am so damn proud of you for being who you are… You might not think that I do understand you or how things are or perhaps where but, mark my words I know more about living a life 1/2 full than anyone you will ever know.

So, keep doing what you are doing and do it with a happy beautiful future, no guilt, worry or a feeling of perhaps whatever, life is very, very short and from the day you where born you will always do things your way… And kiddo so you should..

Do it for YOU……..live your LIFE and love, love, love……

Here are some pictures of you … Happy Birthday handsome…. and might I add a Chef… very, very beautiful.. xxx

 

Here are some valuable lessons to learn…

There is an old saying in the Roman Catholic Bible, that is this  “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

Do you know what happened?

No-one could raise the stone at this girl who sinned (her sin was she had sex out of marriage and was labelled a whore)

So, what that means is No-one is without sin, think about that one because that is life really..

We are all so quick to judge, label, tell people that they cannot do things because.. bit selfish don’t you think?

Imagine someone now telling you how to live your life? I wouldnt.. forget that one…. 

If life was so terrible why so many SMILES?

Remember one side is one one side… and the biggest life lesson for you is yet to come Jordan, life is about living it, not about being something you are NOT… just because someone told you too…

You are strong, brave, a amazing chef from what I can see from Perth, that takes dedication, alot of time spent in a kitchen peeling potatoes, over and over and over again.. I did do 12 years in Hospitality and your Great Grandmother was a Hotel owner so we both should know.. bless her heart.. her birthday is on the 31st October (HA)

 

Remember the Jones, will always be the Jones, You are unique we are Strong, beautiful so trust your heart and never second guess it…

Trust your strenght it got you to where you are and heading..

And one day make sure. you STOP and smell those roses.. because roses are 2 things wild and free with amazing unique scent or they are home grown and can only live because someone fed them bull shit….

 

Love and warm thoughts your mum….. the real one… Franny xxxx

I did say that I wouldn’t over do this however, I ran with it… go figure…

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June’s Horoscopes for this month


Your June horoscope is here with a touch of Fashion according to VOGUE…

01 June 2018
Do your stars align this month? It’s the first of the month and you know what that means — the new horoscopes are here and you can finally make plans. Scroll down to see what the stars have in store.
Your June style icon: Nicole Kidman 

Gemini 
22 May-21 June
You’re in your eloquent element now, gathering hot gossip and essential information though your career could stall as you get distracted by pleasure, and spending could get a tad out of control too. More witty and persuasive than usual, others could fall deeply under your spell so if you’re not in a love or business situation for the longterm, make your intentions clear.

 

Cancer
22 June-22 July
Expect an avalanche of confidence to come your way now. Your ideas are on the money and you may even feel so positive and perky that a work or love partner could feel that you’re throwing shade their way. Involve them in your plans but be sure to take the credit and kudos where it’s due to you. A past love or neglected talent could also resurface this month.

Your June style icon: Joan Smalls 

Leo
23 July-23 August
Any new scheme you want to get started, this is the time to do it. Friends are super supportive of your plans, though work or romantic sidekicks may seem less convinced. In six months time you’ll know you did the right thing even if the odds seem stacked against you. Some hard work lies ahead, but you’re blessed with extra charm now so use it wisely to get things moving.

Your June style icon: Greta Gerwig 

Virgo
24 August-22 September
You could feel blissfully fulfilled this month or feel it’s finally time to explore new options. There are no grey areas in between, it seems, so let reality rather than fantasy be your guide. Your career benefits from a burst of inspiration, and putting your ideas out there where it shows and counts will work better than sweating the small stuff behind the scenes.

Your June style icon: Carmen Kass

Libra
23 September-23 October
Been there, done that? Open up your world now as the roads less travelled are the ones that will lead you to new experiences, international connections and eye-opening opportunities. Home is unlikely to be where your heart is, but throwing yourself into your career could lead to fresh friendships, award-winning collaborations and may even improve your love-life.

Your June style icon: Naomi Watts 

Scorpio
24 October-22 November
Living life out loud slips back under the radar now as you crave more privacy. Financially too, dealing with issues discreetly beats broadcasting them to anyone who’ll listen. A recent full-on phase at home calms down, meaning you can explore what you need to know, be, see or do to advance your career so that not only more money and respect but also more love is likely.

Your June style icon: Alicia Vikander

Sagittarius
23 November-21 December
A recent surge that had you wanting to be everywhere at once and driving friends into a frenzy could feel like the plug’s been pulled out now. You may need to fly solo for a while or pair up with a Plus One who could bring fresh energy and new ideas your way. Cash needs care but home life seems to be able to function without your usual all-seeing eye this month.

Your June style icon: Hailee Steinfield 

Capricorn
22 December-20 January
You could be heading for a meltdown this month but a better way to deal with the health or work routines that are influencing your mood could emerge to save the day and save your sanity. You don’t have to put a brave face on things now and the pressure’s off you financially, so since love currently has the power to work miracles too let the help and the healing begin.

Your June style icon: Ellie Goulding 

Aquarius
21 January-18 February
An all-out obsession with career success needs a time-out now just as the more artistic highs you aspire to get a supercharged boost instead. Taking better care of yourself could make you relationship-ready this month too, although as partnerships become a priority your finances could take a hit so don’t let love or lust blind you to obligations and practicalities.

Your June style icon: Emma Roberts

Pisces
19 February-20 March
Your intuition may be missing in action this month. Relying more on logic than instinct forces you to think rather than feel your way through situations, so you can assess your love life, career and friendships as they are, not how you imagine or wish them to be. Take the pressure off emotionally now by pouring more love into feeling grounded, stable and sorted.

Your June style icon: Sophie Turner

Aries
21 March-20 April
Say what you think this month, to whoever will listen, especially if what you have to say is a fresh new twist on an old issue. You may need to back down from trying to move things forward with your quirkier ambitions or crazier friends, but home is a more love-filled place than usual, and getting creative chez vous could make romance or a side-hustle flourish.

Your June style icon: Saoirse Ronan

Taurus
21 April-21 May
This month is all about finding new ways to maintain your current lifestyle or the more lush lifestyle to which you aspire. Look close to home for items to sell or skills and knowledge to share, or consider renting out some or all of your space. Friends and ambitions may take second place to feathering your nest now, but a happy home means a decidedly more loved-up you.

Your June style icon: Gal Gadot

 

https://www.vogue.com.au/culture/lifestyle/your-june-horoscope-is-here/image-gallery/7c204a2d536cbbae346339b5d37c6d27?pos=12

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I wish it knew…


Angry why so Angry??

Solo again, I gave you time 

Nothing it does will ever make it mine..

So angry, hostile, abusive, unhappy nothing it does will make it happy.

Why do you hate me!!!
It will never occur It now knows that no matter what happiness is it can never be because it said, NO!
It’s like it wants me too go!!!

I try and try !!!

You hate me so….yelling  … and screaming, pushing and shoving… why is it so?

So much anger .. I wish it would stop
I had no idea that is how it fears me….

What did I do??

What should I do?

How is it that I missed it?

I never knew…
STOP HATING ME!!!

AND TELL ME WHY U ARE SO ANGRY??

Or

LET ME GO AND LIVE UR LIFE

BECAUSE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!

Its okay let me go!!!

If I am not what you want and you cannot be you then I need to go and find someone that loves me..

And then you can have it too with that one that wants you!!

Life is about living, loving and most of all laughing!!

Because I want someone that desires me, adores me, wants me !!!

Forever never… ever… why? What did I do?

I became alive and I thought you did too

 

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Moving Forward… with Strength, Peace, Love & Courage…


The posts and pictures will be of a better future moving forward growth is an amazing thing so many things are amazing they are even better without the noise that stirs around it your head or “did” in mine.

I have many things to say about how that was removed I think sometimes the best words are kept silent.

I have a lot to learn and I will learn them I need to praise myself which I seem to have neglected it seems alot in that sentence alone.

Even though I do love to chin wag, have a laugh, and perhaps stretch that sense of sarcasm on an ongoing level from time to time I do believe I am a little over my protection of sassiness.

Sassy is good as long as you don’t over use that sense of brashness that I end up using which of course I do enjoy immensely.

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So, time to reflect take in the good exhale the negative and remember to breath now and then when things get a little fuzzy.

We are only human I guess… or we could be like the Matrix in tiny little pods used as batteries (see my witty sense of terrible humor even creeps in like Wanda my subconscious narcissist)

Hope your weekend was an epic one…

Stay safe peeps xx

so instead of 1 quote I put them all… enjoy

Here is my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/thecandiiclub/

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External Validation – what does this mean?


External Validation: (here is an example of what I mean)

  •  I Need Others To Like Me And Think I Am Smart, what does it have to do with being smart???

I guess its about what story your telling people is it about how wonderful a person you are and what I have as in cars, houses, things!!!

However, I would NEVER use this as a negitive regarding my wellbeing,

Example of a friend…

  • her/his childhood abuse that was inflicted to me as a child, nor would I use this as the rape, drugging, and being reduced to a piece of shit that someone made me feel once upon a time, now would I?

Here is a few areas I found in relation to seeking “good” and “negitive” validation, becareful that you end up thinking what you cannot do… Let’s change this because if you require validation from others because you find it helpful then do it….

Don’t allow others to cloud your judgement because they feel that your doing it too often, perhaps its because you feel that they are not LISTENING!!!

I personally feel that it is a very sad area and in most cases it can be a solo event and a very alone feeling of isolation when people suffer such torment in their lives.

I should now its taken me 50 years to tell a story and I DO NOT want validation 

It breaks my heart how many people are so nasty and so quick in saying your seeking External Validation for your pain??????

Go figure!!!

Candii

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Here below is some facts… that I would like to share for an external area (pardon the pun)

Validation for Healing and Personal Growth

People who have been abused, mistreated, hurt, or wronged in any other way almost universally seek validation. We talk to others, tell our stories, write about it, and express it in other ways.

Even perpetrators do it because, in their mind, they are the ones being wronged even though they are the ones harming others—but that’s a separate topic. Here, we will only talk about people who were actually wronged and we will exclude scenarios where a perpetrator seeks validation or actually receives enabling.

Everyone in their own mind wants to make sense out of their painful experiences and be validated that they are right. A commonly used way is to talk about it with others. The most productive scenario is probably to seek professional help, assuming that you can find a competent enough helper, be it a therapist, life coach, counselor, social worker, etc. But, depending on the situation, sometimes friends, family, or even strangers can do the trick.

Seeking Validation in the Wrong Places

Sadly, many people don’t have close, trusting, mature relationships. A lot of people have unsatisfying or unhealthy relationships. And so they seek validation, understanding, compassion, and support from people who are unable or unwilling to provide it.

So many people have heard phrases like, “Just get over it,” “It’s not a big deal,” “Don’t be a pussy,” “They’re your family,” “Don’t live in the past,” “How dare you blame your mother/father?” “They didn’t mean it,” “It made you stronger,” “You’re so negative,” “You swore for better or worse, together no matter what,” and so on.

Receiving such a response when you open up and share your pain can be devastating, even retraumatizing, especially coming from someone close or who is a professional. Here, people who don’t have a support system or are easily gaslighted experience confusion, self-blame, shame, and guilt. They simply wanted empathy and compassion for their pain, but encountered invalidation, minimization, dismissal, blaming, ridiculing, or guilt-tripping.

Way too often people seek validation, empathy, and compassion from the very people that hurt them. In many cases it is so because the aggrieved party is psychologically dependent on the perpetrator or even experience Stockholm syndrome. This is especially common in families where the adult-child is trying to make the caregiver accept parental responsibility and on an unconscious level desperately tries to gain love and acceptance from them.

Interesting read see below for full reading

SEEKING VALIDATION FROM WRONG PEOPLE IS SELF DISTRUCTIVE

 

 

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What has changed for me?


I am the one on the left in Black I think I believe I was 18 years old

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Since discovering alot about myself and who I am now I believe I have changed or you could say I am changing within how I feel about alot of things.

I feel very delicate to the point of “those days of me standing up for myself”, I am tired of doing now, I really don’t want to argue or even hear someone shouting and that scares the shit out of me to be perfectly honest!

I have and cannot tell you how many years I have been around people who yell, scream, shout, tell others how disappointed they are in them, and how disappointed they are of you as a person.

I feel like I am walking on ice, it’s quite strange to be honest, and as I was in my own world when my husband came home tonight, I switched off, didn’t mean it I guess, it is because I am trying to search for my own place in this world.

Sounds morbid, sorry I really don’t mean to sound that way I am typing this as I am feeling it so don’t be surprised if you re-read it or not!  That it might change again! and stupid enough again!

I seem to type stuff and sometimes I think I have got it, then I find that I have lost it again, is this ever going to STOP?

That is my question .. can and when is my life going to mean something?  Am I ever going to feel like I mean something to someone?

I know my husband loves me however, why do I feel so like I never seem to come up to someones standards, which in fact is something I have come to understand that is what my life was and hopefully not will be continueing going forward..

It is like he will never allow me close to him, it is like he has his own scares that I had hoped he would share but, the more I grow the more he retracts  and denies himself of trusting me..

What do I have to do to help him know I am here for him.. just like he has been for me..

 

 

https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/30/what-has-changed-for-me/comment-page-1/

So, if anyone that wishes to comment or help me understand that I am not the only one out there that feels this way.. I would love to hear your comments… please

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#MeToo Movement…


I personally think this is potentially a problem that we could have with our young generation going foward that they seem to lack how to communicate with each other.

 

https://metoomvmt.org/

In the wake of the #MeToo movement and a rash of sexual-harassment scandals, software companies are creating digital ways for people to give their consent to have sex.

Apps such as uConsent allow potential sexual partners to tell each other what level of physical intimacy they are comfortable with and record their eventual agreement so there is no misunderstanding.

The apps are aimed at young people, particularly college students, who are comfortable using technology to communicate, surrounded by an array of potential sexual partners (and often ­alcohol), and relatively new to the nuances of sex.

Sexual-assault ­allegations aren’t uncommon on campuses:

  • one in five women say they have been assaulted while in college, according to the Campus Sexual Assault Study, funded by the US Department of Justice.

One in 16 men say they have. Often, those who are accused of sexual assault claim the sex was consensual, while those who say they were assaulted said they never agreed to the encounter.

  • The problem has prompted at least four US states — California, New York, Connecticut and Illinois — to pass laws in the past four years that require schools to teach students about affirmative consent, stressing that the message should be “yes means yes”, rather than the old “no means no”, according to the Affirmative Consent Project, a non-profit based in Florida that works to stop sexual assault in colleges and high schools.

MORE ON THIS TOPIC – CLICK HERE

How to have a conversation about sexual consent

Decide what you want in advance. Be honest with yourself about what you are looking for;

  • it could be the type of sex or whether you want it to be casual or part of a continuing relationship.

It’s important to know what you want before you can tell someone else.

Make talking a priority. You probably shouldn’t be having sex with someone you can’t talk to openly about the experience. And you’re probably not going to have good sex, if you do. “If someone can’t talk to you about what they want or feel, they won’t be particularly subtle in expressing themselves physically,” says Paul Reynolds, a reader in sociology and social philosophy at Edge Hill University in England.

Start early. If you have a date but don’t want to have sex that night, tell the person beforehand. And give a reason. “I am eager to go out with you tonight but have to get home early.” This will make sure everyone is on the same page.

Be unambiguous. If you don’t want to have sex, don’t just say “no”. “Some men interpret ‘no’ as a play on modesty,” Reynolds says. He suggests saying: “I do not want to have sex with you tonight.” If you do want to have sex, talk about what you do and do not agree to do.

Listen for yes. “Anything other than yes is a no,” says Alison Morano, founder of the Affirmative Consent Project, a non-profit based in Florida.

Send clear signals. Men don’t always read sexual signals well, says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who studies the brains of people in love. “They aren’t good at reading posture, gesture or tone of voice,” she says. “You have to be much clearer than you realise.” If you don’t want to have sex, she says, be mindful of all the signals you are sending.

Remember that you can say no at any time — even after sex has begun.

Consent is ongoing.

You can say yes one moment and no the next.

You don’t need an app for that.

Be nice.

Saying no to sex doesn’t mean you have to hurt someone’s feelings.

If the person is someone you might be interested in down the road, say so.

If you like that person I suggests saying: “I like you, but I am not doing it tonight.”

 

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A trip into the unknown LSD….


LSD and magic mushrooms can help with mental health — and may have profound things to teach us about how the mind works.

To anyone who lived through the 1960s, the proposition that psychedelic drugs might have a positive contribution to make to our mental health must sound absurd. Along with hallucinogens such as mescaline and psilocybin (that is, magic mushrooms), LSD was often blamed for bad trips that sent people to the psych ward.

These drugs could make you crazy, REALLY, WHAT MORE CRAZY THAN DOING NOTHING AT ALL!!!

 

  • So how is it possible, 50 years later, that researchers working at institutions such as New York University, Johns Hopkins, University of California at Los Angeles and Imperial College in London are discovering that psychedelics, when administered in a supportive therapeutic setting, can make you sane?
  • Or that they may have profound things to teach us about how the mind works and why it sometimes fails to work?

Recent trials of psilocybin, a pharmacological cousin to LSD, have demonstrated that a single guided psychedelic session can alleviate depression when drugs such as Prozac have failed; can help alcoholics and smokers to break a lifelong habit; and can help cancer patients deal with their “existential distress” at the prospect of dying. At the same time, studies im­aging the brains of people on psychedelics have opened a window on to the study of consciousness, as well as the nature of the self and spiritual experience. The 60s platitude that psychedelics would help unlock the secrets of consciousness may turn out to be not so preposterous after all.

The value of psychedelic therapy was first recognised nearly 70 years ago, only to be forgotten when what had been a promising era of research ran headlong into a nationwide moral panic in the US about LSD, beginning around 1965. With a powerful assist from Timothy Leary, the flamboyant Harvard psychology professor, psychedelics had escaped the laboratory, falling into the eager arms of the counterculture.

Timothy Leary, LSD guru who encouraged the '60s generation to "turn on, tune in, drop out”. Picture: AP
Timothy Leary, LSD guru who encouraged the ’60s generation to “turn on, tune in, drop out”. Picture: AP

Yet in the decade before that there had been 1000 published studies of LSD, involving 40,000 experimental subjects, and no fewer than six international conferences devoted to what many in the psychiatric community regarded as a wonder drug.

Compared with other psychoactive compounds, these powerful and mysterious molecules were regarded as safe — it’s virtually impossible to overdose on a psychedelic — and non-addictive. Rats in a cage presented with a lever to administer drugs such as cocaine and heroin will press it repeatedly, unto death. LSD?

That lever they press only once.

This is not to say that “bad trips” don’t happen;

  • they do, especially when the drugs are used carelessly. People at risk for schizophrenia sometimes have psychotic breaks on psychedelics, and people surely do stupid things under the influence that can get them killed. But the more extreme claims about LSD — that it scrambled users’ chromosomes or induced them to stare at the sun until blind — were debunked long ago.

It wasn’t until the 90s that a small band of researchers began to unearth what an NYU psychiatrist describes as “a buried body of knowledge” about the therapeutic potential of psychedelics. Perhaps the most promising application of the new drugs was in the treatment of alcoholism.

Few people in Alcoholics Anonymous realise that founder Bill Wilson first got sober after a mystical experience he had on a psychedelic administered to him in 1934, or that in the 50s he sought unsuccessfully to introduce LSD therapy to AA.

Moral panic in the US about LSD began around 1965. Picture: Adam Voorhes
Moral panic in the US about LSD began around 1965. Picture: Adam Voorhes

In parts of Canada during the 50s, psychedelic therapy became a standard treatment for alcoholism, and a 2012 meta-analysis of the six best-controlled trials of LSD therapy for alcohol addiction during that period found a “significant beneficial effect on alcohol misuse”.

Early studies of psychedelics for the treatment of several other indications, notably including depression and anxiety in cancer patients, also showed promise.

These first-wave studies were, by contemporary standards, poorly controlled.

That’s why many of the early experiments are being reprised using more rigorous modern methods.

The early results are preliminary but encouraging: A pilot study of psilocybin for alcohol dependence conducted at the University of New Mexico found a strong enough effect to warrant a much larger phase 2 trial now under way at NYU.

Another recent pilot study, at Johns Hopkins, looked at the potential of psilocybin to help people quit smoking, one of the hardest addictions to break.

The study was tiny and not randomised — all 15 volunteers received two or three doses of psilocybin and knew it. Following what has become the standard protocol in psychedelic therapy, volunteers stretch out on a couch in a room decorated to look like a cosy den, with spiritual knick-knacks lining the bookshelves.

They wear eyeshades and headphones (playlists typically include classical and modern instrumental works) to encourage an inward journey.

Two therapists, a man and a woman, are present for the duration.

Typically these “guides” say very little, allowing the journey to take its course, but if the experience turns frightening they will offer a comforting hand or bit of advice (“trust and let go” is a common refrain).

‘The cancer is something completely out of my control, but the fear, I realised, is not’.

  • Participant in phase 2 trials of cancer patients

The results of the pilot study were eye-popping: six months after their psychedelic session, 80 per cent of the volunteers were confirmed to have quit smoking. At the one-year mark, that figure had fallen to 67 per cent, which is still a better rate of success than the best treatment now available.

A much larger study at Hopkins is under way.

When I asked volunteers how a psilocybin trip had given them the wherewithal to quit smoking, several described an experience that pulled back the camera on the scene of their lives further than ever, giving them a new, more encompassing perspective on their behaviour.

“The universe was so great, and there were so many things you could do and see in it, that killing yourself seemed like a dumb idea,” a woman in her 60s told me. During her journey she grew feathers and flew back in time to witness various scenes in European history;

  • she also died three times, watched her soul rise from her body on a funeral pyre on the Ganges, and found herself “standing on the edge of the universe, witnessing the dawn of creation”.

“It put smoking in a whole new context,” she said. It “seemed very unimportant; it seemed kind of stupid, to be honest”.

Matthew Johnson, the psychologist who directed the study at Hopkins, says these sorts of “duh moments” are common among his volunteers.

Smokers know perfectly well that their habit is unhealthy, disgusting, expensive and unnecessary, but under the influence of psilocybin that knowledge becomes an unshakeable conviction — “something they feel in the gut and the heart”.

As Johnson puts it, “These sessions deprive people of the luxury of mindlessness” — our default state and one in which addictions flourish.

Perhaps the most significant new evidence for the therapeutic value of psychedelics arrived in a pair of phase 2 trials (conducted at Johns Hopkins and NYU and published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology in 2016) in which a single high dose of psilocybin was administered to cancer patients struggling with depression, anxiety and the fear of death or recurrence.

In these rigorous placebo-controlled trials, 80 volunteers embarked on a psychic journey that, in many cases, brought them face-to-face with their cancer, their fear and their death.

“I saw my fear … located under my rib cage,” a woman with ovarian cancer told me. “It wasn’t my tumour, it was this black mass. ‘Get the f..k out,’” she screamed aloud. “And you know what? It was gone!” Years later, her fear hasn’t returned. “The cancer is something completely out of my control, but the fear, I realised, is not.”

Eighty per cent of the Hopkins cancer patients who received psilocybin showed clinically significant reductions in standard measures of anxiety and depression, an effect that endured for at least six months after their session. Results at NYU were similar.

Curiously, the degree to which symptoms decreased in both trials correlated with the intensity of the “mystical experience” that volunteers reported, a common occurrence during a high-dose psyche­delic session.

Typically described as the dissolution of one’s ego followed by a merging of the self with nature or the universe, a mystical experience can permanently shift a person’s perspective and priorities.

The pivotal role of the mystical experience points to something novel about psychedelic therapy: it depends for its success not strictly on the action of a chemical but on the powerful psychological experience the chemical can occasion.

Few if any psychiatric interventions for anxiety and depression have demonstrated such dramatic and sustained results.

The trials were small and will have to be repeated on a larger scale before the government will consider approving the treatment. But when the researchers brought their data to the US Food and Drug Administration last year, regulators reportedly were sufficiently im­pressed to ask them to conduct a large phase 3 trial of psilocybin for depression, not only in cancer patients but also in the general population.

So how does psychedelic therapy work?

And why should the same treatment work for disorders as seemingly different as depression, addiction and anxiety?

When scientists at Imperial College began imaging the brains of people on psilocybin, they were surprised to find that the chemical, which they assumed would boost brain activity, actually reduced it, but in a specific area: the default mode network.

This is a brain network involved in “metacognitive” processes, including self-reflection, mental time travel, theory of mind (the ability to imagine mental states in others) and the generation of narratives about ourselves that help to create the sense of having a stable self over time.

The default mode network is most active when our minds are least engaged in a task — hence “default mode”.

It is where our minds go when they wander or ruminate.

The Imperial scientists found that when volunteers reported an experience of ego dissolution, magnetic resonance imag­ing scans of their brains showed a precipitous drop in activity in the default mode network, suggesting that this network may be the seat of the ego.

One way to think about the ego is as a mental construct that performs certain functions on our behalf. Chief among these are main­taining the boundary between the conscious and unconscious realms of the mind as well as the boundary between self and other.

So what happens when these boundaries fade or disappear under the influence of psychedelics?

  • Our ego defences relax, allowing unconscious material and emotions to enter our awareness and also for us to feel less separate and more connected — to other people, to nature or to the universe.
  • And in fact a renewed sense of connection is precisely what volunteers in the various trials for addiction, depression and cancer anxiety trials have all reported.

This points to what may be the most exciting reason to pursue the new science of psychedelics:

  • the possibility that it may yield a grand unified theory of mental illnesses, or at least of those common disorders that psychedelics show promise in alleviating: depression, ad­dic­tion, anxiety and obsession.

All these disorders involve uncontrollable and endlessly repeating loops of rumination that gradually shade out reality and fray our connections to other people and the natural world.

The ego becomes hyperactive, even tyrannical, enforcing rigid habits of thought and behaviour; habits that the psychedelic experience, by loosening the ego’s grip, could help us to break.

That power to disrupt mental habits and “lubricate cognition” is what Robin Carhart-Harris, the neuroscientist at Imperial College who scanned the brains of volunteers on psychedelics, sees as the key therapeutic value of the drugs.

The brain is a hierarchical system, with the default mode network at the top, serving as what he variously calls “the orchestra conductor” or “corporate executive” or “capital city”.

But as important as it is to keep order in such complex system, a brain can suffer from an excess of order too.

Depression, anxiety, obsession and the cravings of addiction could be how it feels to have a brain that has become excessively rigid or fixed in its pathways and linkages — a brain with more order than is good for it.

Carhart-Harris suggests that, by taking the default mode network offline for a time, psychedelics can, in effect, “reboot” the brain, jog it out of its accustomed grooves and open a space for new pathways to arise.

Who doesn’t sometimes feel stuck in destructive habits of thought? Or couldn’t benefit from the mental reboot that a powerful experience of awe can deliver?

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“MAN CAVES” or “MENS SHEDS”??


“Mens Sheds”, I prefer “Man Caves”

They have suddenly emerged from dusty, weed-choked, cobweb-covered obscurity, home of rusting tools, greasy engine blocks and the occasional redback spider, into avatars of the kinder, gentler face of the men’s movement, such as it is — a new bastion for the former Iron Johns who once beat their bared, hairy chests around campfires and hugged it out while tearing the tops off baked beans cans with their teeth.  GRRRRRR, sounds so like sexy right? Actually, not really (keep reading)

What is so special about the humble shed?

According to the modern Men’s Sheds (Man Caves)  movement, if you look inside you might see several men making furniture, perhaps restoring bicycles for a local school, making myna bird traps, fixing lawnmowers or making a cubby house for Camp Quality to raffle. (see below click to read more, if not read my comments)

Click here if you wish to read more of this dribble

According to Candii which is ME……

This is what my husbands Man Cave sounds like and see that picture red one that is me dreaming of what it should look like!!

Well if you do you wont see it in my husbands Man Cave, he has a TV, a few tools including himself I might add (love you honey) a Table on wheels of course yes, I said wheels!!!

He has two fridges, yes 2 fridges one for the beer (really?) And one for his Steak, sausages, and of course that gourmet evening dinners, he also has the normal messy stuff that has a place in each pile of crap, tools, wheel barrow, rake, dogs, beds and a picture of 2 naked ladies (mind you it looks like his study) mess untidy and darn right, close that door when people come to visit!!!

Now I personally think my husbands Barbarian Man Cave should look like this… Beautiful right, with a touch of RED velvet .. you know “Game of Thrones”, rip off clothers and tie me to that 4 poster bed!!! (sigh, nice, just dreaming about me tied to a bed ……..)

Screen_Shot_2015-06-23_at_3.02.43_PM.png

So, men what do you think MENS SHEDS should look like?

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Harvey Weinstein’s ???


 There are not many voices speaking up in Harvey Weinstein’s defence.

I personally, think he is a really Ugly Dick!

 

Yet one of Britain’s leading novelists has voiced concern about the dangers of “mob” justice.

Ian McEwan said that he intended to maintain a “degree of scepticism” about the charges against the disgraced Hollywood producer until the evidence was set out at trial.

The Atonement author said that Weinstein appeared to be a “moral monster” but added that he was cautious about any accusations that emerge when a “whole mob is in full cry”.

A what did they say he appeared to be??? Nothing Moral about the MORON!!

Sorry I will be taking out a bit of rubbish the NEWS said today, about this asshole, so instead of me deleting I have created a new way of removing crap!!

A line through the typing – btw that is me    

McEwan’s comments were condemned as disturbing by equality campaigners, who pointed out that dozens of actors had gone on the record with allegations against the film mogul despite the risk to their careers. However, his views touch on a question that will be central to the criminal case against Weinstein: whether it is possible for the man who gave rise to the #MeToo movement to get a fair trial.

The producer has been charged with two rapes and a criminal sexual act for alleged incidents involving two separate women. Mr Weinstein, 66, handed himself in to police in New York on Friday. He has repeatedly denied non-consensual sex and intends to plead not guilty.

Asked about the case on BBC Radio 4’s Today program, McEwan, 69, said: “It seems a kind of circus to me. There is the media stuff, which we have to penetrate. We don’t know what actually happened; it seems he is a moral monster who has had his comeuppance but I always like to encourage in myself just a degree of scepticism once the whole mob is in full cry, so I am going to withhold judgments until I have heard the arguments in court.”

The novelist’s defence of due process drew criticism on social media as activists accused him of marginalising the experiences of women. Catherine Mayer, author and co-founder of the Women’s Equality Party (WEP), said that men such as McEwan “cry rough justice” about the treatment of alleged offenders while querying the testimony of their young victims.

“He’s seeing multiple women speaking about these things as a mob, when it is actually evidence of the crime at scale,” she told The Times. “I’m so sick of these supposedly great men of literature who are posited as great public thinkers but are not nearly as interesting as they think they are.”

The author Stella Duffy, also a founding member of the WEP, said that it was “seriously disturbing” for “comfortable white privileged men” to dismiss the #MeToo movement as a mob.

In New York yesterday, Mr Weinstein’s lawyer said that he had serious doubts about whether his client could obtain a fair trial. “One of my concerns is that by virtue of some of the publicity that has occurred … the ability for people to keep an open mind is of concern to me,” Ben Brafman said after a private hearing with a judge and prosecutors.

“I also think that the pressure that is being brought to bear on the district attorney’s office demanding that an indictment or prosecution of Mr Weinstein proceed is inappropriate.”

Mr Weinstein posted a $1 million cash bail and will wear an electronic monitor that tracks his movements.

What’s your thoughts on this Character??

Why did it take so long?

 

 

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TODAY’S HOROSCOPE


 

Mystic Fran here with today’s Horoscope

664615_10151290311869379_436047941_o

BTW see above that is ME I do believe I was crimped by a friend (Lara) it was the 80’s and those eye brows.. (wow) don’t laugh Katie Kate…hehehe

I think I may have been 15 years old… with terrible hair and and aweful eye brows like Brooke Shields… I do believe she was the ‘it” girl back then!

Anyway, here is todays Horoscope signs… (still giggling horrible, picture)

Moon Alert

We have the “all clear” today to shop and do business. The Full Moon is in Sagittarius.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Be careful because today’s Full Moon could create an accident-prone influence for you. This might be due to distractions of others (drivers talking or texting on cell phones) or yourself? Therefore, be mindful! And avoid controversial subjects.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Today’s Full Moon focus is about money. Perhaps this means a financial discussion will come to a head? Or you might finally learn the cost for something? (Ouch.) Something to do with earnings or expenditures will catch your eye.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Today the only Full Moon opposite your sign all year is taking place, which is why relations with partners and close friends might be prickly. When the Moon is full it means the energy of the Sun and the Moon are in opposition to each other. This includes male/female energy. Be nice.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Because the Moon is your ruler, you generally feel (in varying degrees) every Full Moon, which is why you might be a bit impatient with co-workers today. Or perhaps they are impatient with you? Either way, demonstrate grace under pressure at work and at home.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Today’s Full Moon makes relations with kids more challenging. (Yes, even the family dog feels the Full Moon energy.) It can also create a bit of aggro in romantic relationships. Who needs this? Not you! Your best recourse is to smile and be patient with everyone. (“Dammit Jim, I’m an actor not a doctor.”)

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Relations with bosses, parents and VIPs might be strained today because of the Full Moon energy. Be particularly patient with female family members, especially Mom. (When Mom’s unhappy, everyone feels it.) You’re keen to work hard. Relations with friends are warm. Bosses will listen to you. All is well.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Be mindful of everything you say and do because the Full Moon makes this is an accident-prone day for you. Pay attention to everything you say and do. Think before you speak. Fortunately, relations with bosses are smooth and supportive.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Discussions about inheritances, financial matters, taxes, debt, insurance and anything that you share jointly with someone else will come to a head today because of the Full Moon. Probably this is a good thing. Put your cards on the table.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Today the only Full Moon in your sign all year is taking place. This could make you overreact or be too emotional about things. Conversely, you might see something more clearly, especially in a relationship. Good luck.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

The Full Moon today could encourage tension or friction with co-workers. Just be aware of this. If you feel it, then you realize you don’t have to react. This is the only day in the year this occurs. Hey, you can be big about things! Rise above them. Be cool.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Friendships are important to you. In fact, the words “Aquarius” and “friendship” are synonymous in astrology. Today the only Full Moon all year is taking place in your House of Friendships. This means you might have some stress dealing with a friend or a group. Stay chill. This tension is short-lived.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Relations with authority figures — parents, bosses, teachers and VIPs — might be strained today because this is the only Full Moon taking place at the top of your chart all year. Don’t make a big deal about anything. Why bother?

If Your Birthday Is Today

Actress Annette Bening (1958) shares your birthday today. You are eloquent, intelligent and persuasive. You are also open, honest and always spontaneous. This is a time of completions and taking inventory. Review past triumphs and failures as you finish this nine-year cycle. You might let go of people, jobs and places to move on to something new. You are moving away from heavy burdens to something new and lighter!

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And tomorrow will be Angel Cards by Me…… cannot wait for angel cards….. so excited

 

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Life does not Come with a Road Map


Remember that your thoughts, feelings, emotions, your personal Trauma, will mean something to you, when and if you allow it too!!!

Life does not come with a Road Map now does it!!

So you have choices or do you?? and if you understand your journey in your own life you will understand that all Roads leads to ROME..

Not just 1 ROAD 🙂

Funny how all things turn out upside down, sideways, in life!

We take so long to work out our story we funnily find out that the story you work out is about who you really are.. let me sort of explain what I am trying to say…

When we live our lives and depending on the road surface, which means how bumpy it is or can be as we go through that journey we start if we are lucky enough to allow ourselves to see this.  We then start to chip away at the scenery of what is in front of you as we walk!

Our eyes start to open up and then what occurs is our vision going forward is clearer, I believe in every station has a story, however, never think that just because your past was a little rocky I guess as we walk it and this all depends of the leverage of how harsh it was to walk in the first place.

Remember that all Roads, Leads to Rome, which means, it’s okay, be a little gentle on yourself, don’t try to be so harsh and negative on how you got there.. look at where you are standing right now!

We tend to be drawn at giving ourselves such a hard time, we focus on stupid, crap, all the time, we never focus on the amazing qualities we bring to ourselves and those that are positive in our lives.

Our Earth and Our learnings are so very NEW we really an amazing miracle of life as human beings, we range in so many different levels of ourselves on this Earth and we never seem to focus on the “positives” and the “qualities” and those beautiful “ideas”, that we verbally converse with each other on a daily level.

We end up looking at levels of knowledge and education, rather than philosophy, which if you really think about it that is where we get our ideas from!

So, think back every idea we have as a human being is an idea that we either let go of or we are driven towards it because it means something to us.. Remember, knowledge is all based on a person’s idea, a persons curiosity, a persons spoken word, a persons stupid prank, a persons emotional desire to tell someone they love them and why, we hold onto those because they mean something that is important to them!

Then what we do when we like this sentence, joke, idea, strategy, we then share it to others that possibly would like it, or we share it and even though they don’t like it more than likely that person within another group will say it in jest but, without them even knowing it the like it!

Do you understand what I am trying to say?

rs_1024x573-171121091729-1024-PINK-CHANNING-TATUM-2-EMD-112117.gif

Everything in this world is based on our choices of “LIKE”, which either ends up on a Dictionary, Encyclapedia, or even GODS, words himself end up in the Bible, because someone said something that another person liked!

That is Knowledge!!!

That is Sexual Preference!!

That is life as simple as – Oh, I think that idea makes sense…

 

So, be kind to yourself and those that you love, words can and will matter!!

I leave you with the knowledgable and talented PINK!!

And my personal favourate “Beautiful Trauma”

 

Lyrics
We were on fire
I slashed your tires
It’s like we burned so bright we burned out
I made you chase me
I wasn’t that friendly
My love, my drug, we’re fucked up, oh
‘Cause I’ve been on the run so long they can’t find me
You waking up to remember I’m pretty
And when the chemicals leave my body
Yeah, they’re gonna find me in a hotel lobby ’cause
mm tough times they keep coming
All night laughing and fucking
Some days like I’m barely breathing
Then after we were high and the love dope died, it was you
The pill I keep taking
The nightmare I’m waking
There’s nothing, no nothing, nothing but you
My perfect rock bottom
My beautiful trauma
My love, my love, my drug, oh
My love, my love, my love, my drug, oh
My love, my love, my love, my drug, oh
My love, my love, my love, my drug, oh
My love, my love, my drug, we’re fucked up
You punched a hole in
The wall and I framed it
I wish I could feel things like you
Everyone’s chasing
That holy feeling
And if we don’t stay lit, we’ll blow out
Blow out
‘Cause we’ve been on the run so long they can’t find us
Who’s gonna have to die to remind us
That it feels like we chose this blindly
Now I’m gonna fuck up a hotel lobby ’cause
These tough times they keep coming
Last night I might have messed it up again
Some days like I’m barely breathing
Then after we were high and the love dope died, it was you
The pill I keep taking
The nightmare I’m waking
There’s nothing, no nothing, nothing but you
My perfect rock bottom
My beautiful trauma
My love (my love), my love, my drug, oh
My love, my love, my love, my drug, oh
My love, my love, my love, my drug, oh
My love, my love, my love, my drug, oh
My love, my love, my drug, we’re fucked up
Mmm tough times they keep coming
All night laughing and fucking
Some days like I’m barely breathing
Then after we were high and the love dope died, it was you
The pill I keep taking
The nightmare I’m waking
There’s nothing, no nothing, nothing but you
My perfect rock bottom
My beautiful trauma
My love, my love, my drug, oh

If you liked or agreed or disagreed with my comments above I would love to hear from you??

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Good Will Hunting.. the Famous Robin Williams.. did this role beautifully!


Like I said, this tells a tail of alot of us and per say some of us, in all if we where subjected to abuse, trauma, etc, and recovered (when I say recovered i say this tongue in cheek) I will also say, with anything in life a CHILD who does survive such hideous, depending on this scale will and no doubt have a distorted outcome on their adult life.

This will vary in each of us and that level of abuse a child is subjected to.. we must understand sometimes, we unaware of our biggest Friend or Foe, the SUBCONSCIOUS MIND, this area of how we adapt is questionable!

Which means depending on what the abuse is.. if it is sexual then who can tell until the are older how they look at life sexually!!

For me well, As that famous commercial that sold alot of chicken.

“I like it like that”, Finger licking good!” ha!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/compassion-matters/201805/it-s-not-your-fault-overcoming-trauma#=_

I do agree with the above and here is the link that states it very well.. have a read

There is a famous scene in the film Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams, playing a therapist, compassionately repeats the line “It’s not your fault” to Will, a troubled young man with self-destructive tendencies, who happens to be a genius.

The line is a response to the revelation of abuse Will endured as a child.

At first, Will is dismissive of the statement, but as his therapist steadily repeats “It’s not your fault,” he becomes increasingly agitated.

Finally, he erupts into emotion, tearfully allowing the meaning of the words to sink in. This scene is a powerful signification of what trauma can do to a human being.

It is also a testament to the importance of anyone who has experienced trauma embracing the irrefutable reality that it is not their fault.

The character Will may have been a victim of what’s often referred to as “big T trauma,” which can include serious abuse or a life-threatening event.

However, a person does not have to have experienced an explicitly existential event to experience trauma. “Little t trauma” comprises events that may not sound as dramatic as that of war, devastation, or extreme violence, but that significantly impact individuals by causing them distress, fear, or pain and, therefore, change the way they see themselves, other people, and the world around them.

Too often, people seek excuses to dismiss, bury, or overlook both big and little t trauma. They may tell themselves “it was not that bad,” “others had it worse,” or “remembering won’t do any good anyway.” Or they even say things like, “I deserved it,” “I was a bad/difficult kid,” “or “yes, it was hard at the time, but it made me the strong independent person I am today.”

sneeky peeky – As the Beautiful PINK says it so well, Beautiful Trauma,

They’re resistant to facing what they endured and what it’s done to them.

Whether we try to bury or ignore it or not, the impact of a person’s trauma remains. The American Psychological Association wrote that “traumaticevents challenge an individual’s view of the world as a just, safe and predictable place.”

Back to my thoughts see my link about my own life… https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/29/can-you-identify-who-is-more-driven-to-suicide/https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/29/can-you-identify-who-is-more-driven-to-suicide/

This shake-up to a person’s very worldview changes the course of their life.

“The effects of unresolved trauma can be devastating,” wrote Dr. Peter Levine, author of Healing Trauma.

Like I said, in my previous link on this page….. https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/29/can-you-identify-who-is-more-driven-to-suicide/

“It can affect our habits and outlook on life, leading to addictions and poor decision-making.

It can take a toll on our family life and interpersonal relationships. It can trigger real physical pain, symptoms, and disease. And it can lead to a range of self-destructive behaviors.”

The emotional or physical abuse and the pain people have experienced early in life bends them out of shape in many ways, most of which the person is unaware. The mistreatment of an individual within a family is something my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone(link is external), has described as a “human rights violation(link is external).” He’s written extensively about the toll interpersonal pain and traumatic childhood conditions can have on a person’s freedom and expression of individuality, including that they lead to the formation of powerful psychological defenses(link is external).

“No child is born bad or sinful; rather, the psychological defenses that children form early in life are appropriate to actual situations that threaten the emerging self,” wrote(link is external) Firestone.

“These defenses attempt to cope with and minimize painful experiences and emotions suffered in one’s developmental years; however, as noted, the defensive adaptation tends to become increasingly dysfunctional.”

People who have experienced trauma may form these defensive adaptations to protect themselves early in life, but these very adaptations can go on to limit them when danger is no longer present.

Young children who’ve experienced trauma tend to internalize much of their pain, blaming themselves for their suffering and struggling with feelings of guilt and shame.

This is especially true of trauma experienced at the hands of parents and trusted family members, as young children often find it too threatening to see the faults of their parents fully.

When a child is born, trusting their parents is a matter of survival, and seeing their parent as neglectful, uncaring, or even abusive can feel like a threat to that survival.

As a result, the child forms defenses to cope with painful circumstances, and they internalize their suffering, seeing it as a reflection of some deficiency in their own personality.

They distort their image of themselves to make sense of their maltreatment and believe themselves deserving of the pain they endure. It never fails to surprise me when children as young as 5-years-old reveal their “critical inner voice(link is external)s,” harsh, self-hating attacks that they think about themselves.

Where did these ideas come from and how do they influence the child’s formation of their self?

My Captain, My Captain

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Here are My TOP 2018 .. Sexual Funnies..


ARE YOU READY??

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That’s right. It’s going to be a sexy, sexy year. Everyone’s going to be at it and while the set menu will get a look in – the set menu refers to the combination of missionary, cowgirl and doggy, not necessarily in that order. Also known as the big three – people really will be pulling some moves out of the bag for 2018.

So what can we expect?

Knowing me and the way I conduct myself, I can’t be expecting anything, but you know, I’ll give guessing a go…

1. Sam Sparro-ing

Don’t ask me how I know, but the 2008 hit song ‘Black and Gold’ by Sam Sparro is going to make a huge comeback this year. With that in mind, people are going to want to ingratiate it into every aspect of their lives.

The bedroom isn’t safe, as before you know it, every couple who have access to the internet will be ‘Sam Sparro-ing’.

What’s Sam Sparro-ing? Good question.

Sam Sparro-ing involves a couple engaged in either missionary or cowgirl at first.

Whoever is on top will then start to pour salted caramel and chocolate sauce on their partner (granted, this would make more sense for Golden Brown by The Stranglers, but that’s not coming back until 2034).

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From there, they will lick it off, only to stop at one minute intervals to quote lyrics from the song, such as “the fish swam out of the ocean and grew legs and they started walking”, “now I’m filled to the top with fear that it’s all just a bunch of matter”, and “black and gold, black and gold, black and gold, black and gold, black and gold”.

2. Serenailing

This trend can only be achieved through the mediums of cowgirl and doggy, which may be bad new for some; though I’m unsure as to why.

If riding cowgirl, the person on top will be able to use their free hand to either strum on a guitar, hold a wind instrument to their face, or even use their partner’s chest as a prop for their keyboard. For people opting for doggy, the same things can be done, but you would use your partner’s back for the prop for you keyboard.

You would then begin to serenade your partner, whilst having sex with them – hence ‘serenailing’. (GET IT..)

For the pros amongst you, the people on the bottom during cowgirl would be able to sport a smaller instrument, such as a lute, ukulele, or other wind instrument. Those receiving during doggy could really only go for a panpipe.

You can also mix this with ‘Sam Sparro-ing’

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or…

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Photoshopping is my passion.

3. Pegging

This is an actual serious one. Look me, being a hang on that isnt me.. how rude….

Rather handily I badly drew a picture for pegging early last year – I can just use that again…

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Pegging gained popularity that nobody saw coming back in 2017, but I have a feeling that it’s going to reach full swing during the summer of 2018.

People are going to be hot and not want to have too much bodily contact.

Team that with the fact that everyone’s experimental now more than ever and equality means that women can now fuck their boyfriends up the arse…

You’ve got pegging, brother.

I say all of that, I’m not sure it’s for me. It’s not just because I’m single and pegging isn’t really something you’d break out in a one night stand, but it just doesn’t seem like something I’d enjoy.

 

 

4. Shagmin

Obviously a very clever play on the words ‘shag’ and ‘admin’. Like I say, I’m a bloody genius (true story, I just wrote it “genious” before the red line came up).

People in 2018 are busy. They’ve got their professional lives to attend to as well as the innate need to satisfy their sexual desires. It’s hard work being a sexy, working person this year, but the crafty millennials amongst you will be able to work around these hurdles as if they weren’t there.

By simply performing sex acts whilst attending to your admin, you’ll be able to increase productivity to no end.

How? How about instead of using a chair at your desk, take your kit off and use your equally naked fella to perch on? Like so…

 

You see that is just silly….. I mean to say… look at them…god..

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Or for people in manual labour jobs…

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I’m sure that’s safe.

5. Proper Lovin’

There’s a lot to be said for proper lovin’.

There’s loads of different types of sex, when you think about it, and I’m not just talking about positions.

The heat and mood of the moment can change a lot about the actual act itself, and for whatever reason, the general tone of late has been “man we fucked so hard” or “I’m going to destroy her tonight” or “lol we went so hard that it hurt after”. That’s fine sometimes, sure, but it more or less detracts from any romance present.

2018’s a year for tenderness and intimacy, where people have sex to enjoy each other, instead of themselves.

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Cosy sex. What’s not to love?

6. Fucking five-somes or something.. cuz these guys below prolly know how to set one up…. lol

Just, like, four girls and one girl and they’re all pounding and wrecking her lolololol. Enough sex in one go to put you off sex for life. That’s what 2018’s about for me!

Imagine this but a lot more grotesque, and one of the women is a man…

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And that’s it. They’re the sex trends of 2018 and if you don’t like them, you can more or less show me something better?????

 

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All The Weirdest Recent Sex Trends


Oh, wow, please read this, cuz it is probably apart from my 4some confession is the most interesting post today oh yes, and my sister post that was pretty good too..

 

In the same way technology needs an update every so often, so too does life.  Trends come and go, sometimes they return and more often than not, they require some time for people to acclimate.

The same goes for sex.

A subject that’s more or less a universally shared experience, sex, like anything else, can grow stale.  So, also like anything else, it updates.

Sexual trends can be fun, they can seem off-putting, but when embraced, they can make sex feel new again.  Keep reading to discover all of the weirdest recent sex trends.

What is the weirdest sex trend you’ve ever heard of?

 Let us know in the comments!

Marinating. If you’re tired of breaking a sweat during sex, the act of marinating may be just the thing you needed. Basically, what a couple does to pull of marinating is exactly what the name implies — they marinate.

OMG…. DID I JUST READ THIS????

They remove their clothes, become aroused and engage in sex just like normal. The only difference is that no one moves.
The penis simply “marinates” in the vagina. Sure, it might not sound very exciting, but it’s a trend all the same, and if nothing else, it’s still very intimate.
3D-printed toys. Not a fan of the products you’re seeing in your local adult store? Then make something from scratch!
With technology where it’s currently at, there’s no excuse to not have what you need — for the most part, at least.
If you want something with the perfect counters, the perfect color, the perfect everything… simply grow it out of your computer.
Gender-neutral bedroom toys. Forget about stereotypes — especially when it comes to sex. Gender-neutral sex toys are here to fill the divide between gender differences that some people simply don’t wish to entertain anymore.
The Transformer from PicoGong is attempting to do just that. You can twist this gadget into any position you please, so forget about the rules and just make up your own!
Virtual Reality. Here comes the future. Tech companies all around the globe are embracing the world of VR, and you should too! Maybe you’re single, maybe you’re adventurous or maybe you just want to take a quick dip into something new — virtual reality can be your gateway to the digital beyond in adult films. Some VR films even have digital toy attachments that can physically pleasure you while you’re enjoying the film. However, you should certainly mind the motion sickness.
Pegging. For all of the brave men and empowered women out there, this act is for you. If you’re not familiar with pegging, to put it simply, it’s essentially a role reversal during penetration. This will require a strap-on — and plenty of lube. If he can stomach the idea, it can be an awful lot of fun. Try to not be emasculated and enjoy yourself!
Trading 69 for 77. In the same way you and your partner’s bodies look like a 69 when you’re performing a 69, the same applies to a 77.
If you can spoon with your partner, then you can 77.
It’s essentially the same concept, except it’s strictly naked and there is definite penetration. Not only is this perfect for easy access — it’s comfortable and perfect for the maximum thrust.
High-end sex toys. People don’t just want pleasure — they want pleasant. That’s exactly what designers like Anna Maresova have pulled off in designing adult toys, like her Whoop-de-doo, a simple and elegantly-designed vibrator that motions to change the perception on adult toys. This model brings a sense of style to sex. You can feel dirty having sex, but still look fresh.
Karezza. Sex should last. It shouldn’t be an activity that involves racing towards the finish, but an experience that involves relishing in the moment. That is precisely what karezza is. Basically, you’re edging yourself during sex, holding back the orgasm and putting all focus on the sexual act itself. If you’re going for a pre-workday quickie, this is clearly not the route to take.
Butt play. Whatever negative idea you have about butts in your head, get rid of them. Like any other part of your body, it can be cleaned. Even though are butts are a place of waste, they’re always a place of serious sensitivity. So, instead of avoiding this area during sex, embracing it will help you engage your partner completely. With some basic preparation, this can be one area that you’ll wonder how you ever spent so long avoiding.
Aquagasm. There is a brand new adult toy that allows you to get dirty while you’re getting clean. It’s called the Water Jet Rabbit vibrator, and it latches directly onto your shower head. You have experimented before with your shower head, but never like this. Showers will never be the same.
Bondage. If “50 Shades of Grey” did anything, it opened up the doors to bondage and helped strip away the negative preconceptions surrounding it.
Sex brings out our most primal instincts, and bondage is simply another outlet of sexual expression.
Don’t let your predispositions get in the way when you’re trying to embrace your wild side. Everything’s subjective — it’s all about your approach.
Free the nipple. This isn’t so much of a sexual position, but it is certainly a trend. There has long been a stigma surrounding women taking their shirts off in public.
For some reason, despite the fact that men can do it as freely as they choose, a woman exposing her chest is taboo, and in some cases, prohibited. But some women aren’t having any of that.
Whether it’s on Instagram, Facebook or right out in the open, women are fighting to #freethenipple. There was a time when men couldn’t even take their shirts off in public, and if history has proven anything, it’s that old-fashioned rules can definitely be broken.
Product value. If you visit your local sex shop (or just visit one online), you’ll be greeted by some products you might’ve never affiliated with sex.
Ever been bound up with tape? Well, you can do so safely with skin-safe pleasure tape.
Does the idea of dripping hot candle wax over your body while you get things rolling during foreplay get you hot?
Well, again, you can do so safely through your local sex shop.
Just ask around. They’ll point you in any direction that floats your sexual boat.
Vibrating condoms. Just because your playing it safe doesn’t mean you’ve got to cut back on the fun.
That’s exactly how vibrating condoms feel, as well. Sex is all about mutual fun, and when safety is involved, a product like a vibrating condom can add the shared sensuality that can help couples keep their attention on the sex and less on the safety.
Vaginal workouts. When you’re working out for the perfect body, don’t forget that your vagina can be part of your workout too.
They actually have their own equipment.
A product like LUNA Beads help women build their pelvic muscles to put more power in their pudenda. The only catch is that you should probably not do this at an actual gym.
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These are the 7 new sex trends you need to try in 2018


Before I actually reluctantly post this site – apparently we are now in a Sexual Revolution, now personally I had thought that was about “Women being Empowered and strong in exploring their sexual prowse, and Men being fine with them doing so..and also engaging happily men with men ..I do believe that was 1960s???

Now this is where I have the problem we have Generation Z who are really (and I do appologise for this sort of) they spend most of there time on Tinder, I pads, they never speak on the telephone unless they have too and if it’s about sex well, from what I spoke to with her false eye lashes and fake hair (which indeed she looked great) at the ripe age of 16 years old.

I really doubt this will work – I forsee….. alot of counsellors out there dealing with their break down because they got rejected on Tinder…

End of Rant Franny xxx

Enjoy the below dribble..

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Sure, sex has been around since the dawn of time, but that doesn’t mean it’s not constantly evolving. Here are seven sex, love and sexual health trends to keep on your radar this year.

1. The sex revolution

BDSM is coming out of the shadows. According to Saskia Michel, commanding officer at Matildas.

“Since 50 Shades of Grey hit the market, people have been way more interested in exploring bondage and kink. We’re seeing people becoming more and more adventurous with this: simple whips and handcuffs are no longer cutting the mustard. People now want full latex clothing, masks and leather body harnesses (which we are also seeing in high fashion overseas). People are definitely becoming more open-minded, curious and kinky.”

Time to explore your limits and have some fun.

Read more: “I worked as a dominatrix at a sex dungeon – here’s what it was like”

2. (No more) dirty talk

Relationship counselling has always been a bit of a taboo subject – who wants to admit that they are having problems? – but intimacy and relationship coach Tracy Ziman Jacobsbelieves that the subject is becoming more acceptable and will only continue to do so.

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“Marriage is tough with many challenges and that is why seeing an intimacy and relationship coach is the way to set new intimate tones for 2018.”

Not having any problems? You can still benefit from counselling sessions.

“Counselling can help a happy and functional relationship by giving [the couple] more ideas to achieve more goals for connection. It may be the type of therapeutic intervention to take the couple into a deeper understanding of their spiritual, intellectual or sexual selves,” explains Ziman Jacobs.

Intimacy coaching (where coaches engage with clients and teach sensual and sexual healing work in a safe space), is also growing in popularity, with Intimacy Coach SA, run by Anne-Marie Clulow-Visser, leading the pack.

3. Swingers party

Nope, we’re not talking about those parties where you throw your car keys into a bowl next to the front door. We’re talking literal swings.

When Matildas conducted their sex survey last year, they found that people were looking to add some spice to their sex lives and try new things.

“The majority of our customers are married or in committed relationships and they find that time pressure, stress, work and children are having a negative impact on their sex lives,” says Michel.

“Excitement is the name of the game and it seems that many people find love swings the ultimate in sexual adventure. We’re talking weightless, gravity-defying sex; sex which requires vulnerability and trust.”

4. V-power

Never has working out your pelvic floor muscles been so cool and it’s only getting cooler. From yoni eggs and Kegel balls to coregasm workouts, there’s a product and exercise regime to get you having more intense orgasms, increased arousal and… To help with that incontinence.

Dr Elna Rudolph, medical doctor, sexologist and clinical head of MySexualHealth.co.za, explains that the rise in popularity of toys geared towards strengthening your pelvic floor is threefold.

“Firstly, there is so much more marketing around the topic because there are now so many online shops selling these products. Secondly, women are taking charge of their sexual health much more than they did previously. They’re also in better economic positions and can afford to purchase products, rather than just relying on exercises.

“Thirdly, from a medical perspective, there are more physiotherapists, specialised in women’s health, who can help women strengthen their pelvic floors. They might also advise women to get some of these toys to do their homework with – making the therapy much more effective.”

Time to pump that (internal) iron!

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Read more: Everything you really need to know about yoni eggs

5. New kids on the block

We all have our old favourites when it comes to sex toys, but it’s never a bad idea to try something new.

“Although traditional vibrators will always be popular, there is a new type of vibe on the market: namely touch-free clitoral stimulators, like the Womanizer Pro40, Womanzier W500, and Womanzier 2GO, which use sucking and air pressure to arouse and excite the clitoris.

“These new toys use motorised power to deliver an undulating suction to the exposed clitoris,” says Michel.

Others to look out for include sonic clitoral stimulators, which are beginning to enter the market.

“Products like the SONA uses sonic waves and pulses to stimulate the entire clitoris (not just the part you can see and touch). These types of stimulators allow the on-the-go woman to reach orgasm quickly and consistently and also allow for multiple orgasms, as they don’t make the clitoris overly sensitive,” explains Michel.

6. Own your sexual health

According to Dr Rudolph, it has never been trendier to take charge of your sexual health.

“Being satisfied with just a Pap smear and a repeat script for the Pill from your gynaecologist is so yesterday! Women now have the opportunity to really consult about their sexual health and explore new options to enhance it. The age-old answer of ‘it’s only in your head’ is just not good enough anymore – sexual problems can be managed medically these days!” says Dr Rudolph.

Worried about your libido? Keep an eye out for an interesting new product on the SA market: Lady Prelox – a well-researched libido enhancer.

7. All the single ladies

Praise be! Being single no longer carries the stigma it once did.

“‘Single’ is no longer a swear word. For some people, marriage just didn’t happen. They were either too busy climbing the corporate ladder or they spent their early adulthood in serious relationships that never materialised into marriage or they simply never found ‘the one,’” says Ziman Jacobs. “People are opting to go solo by choice as relationships have been disappointing for some.”

With women becoming more independent, financially and otherwise, there is no longer pressure to rely on a partner and thus there is no pressure to settle down for anything other than love.

We can take our time finding a partner and no longer get so many raised eyebrows at those family dinners. Praise be, indeed.

 

Here are some more just because I am in the mood for a bit of Naughty

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Playing

‘Play’ in the swingers world literally means playing with other people, as in getting it on. While this may be a fantasy for some, the idea may also scare the pants off you. Sex educators, Curious Creatures run sex-events that are built around impeccable consent and boundaries, rather than free-for-alls. It runs in three parts. In the afternoon, you attend a workshop on consent, communication, and sex-positivity, then there is a play party in the evening, followed the next day by a Sunday Session for debriefing, integration and community building. “People of all genders are hungry for it, and excited when they learn how to enjoy sexuality in a way that respects themselves and others,” says Sair Gryphon from Curious Creatures.

Label-free sex

Once upon a time, there was a lot of fear on acting on your same sex desires. However, according to sexologist and author Nikki Goldstein, 2018 will be the year of label-free sex.“We’ve now become more fluid in our sexual identities,” she says.

“Just because you have sex, or a relationship with someone of the same gender, that doesn’t automatically mean you have to make a definite statement about your sexuality. It’s about the person rather than their genitals.

When you look at attraction and sex, it’s a far more satisfying when there is a genuine connection.”

Would you have sex with a robot?

Switching

Traditionally, it was assumed that men take the dominant position during sex, while women are the passive receivers. However, as women continue to assert ourselves both politically and socially, the trend will follow through into the bedroom. So switch it up and let your inner Mistress out of her box. “A switch in BDSM terms is someone who enjoys playing with both roles, whether that is dominant or submissive, or a top and a bottom,” explains sexologist and sex therapist Chantelle Otten. “Men are now a little less hesitant to switch and let their sexual partners takes the reigns,’ she says. ‘Whether that’s using dominate language, with name calling and dirty talk, tying him up, ordering him to do your sexual bidding, or even the washing up when he’s your sex slave. It’s nothing to be afraid, it’s simply playing with power dynamics.”

Virtual reality porn

Porn now has hit the third dimension! When you consume VR porn you become an active participant in the scene. While high tech virtual reality headwear equipment is a bit pricey, it doesn’t have to break the (wank) bank either. You can buy a pair of cardboard VR goggles for between $15 and $40 dollars. “Google released its template for Cardboard to the public in 2014, allowing companies to produce cheap headsets, therefore making it the perfect gateway device to the world of VR porn,” says Ken Lee at AusTechVR.com. Most porn sites have a dedicated VR channel. However, check out Australian ethical porn start up velvet-reality.com. It’s like a Netflix for VR porn content.

 

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Personally, I like my selection of rediculous pictures and stupid one above that cannot breath…. if you lifed it like my post if you didnt please tell me why you didnt??

 

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Worth a Watch!!!


The Speech that made me Cry

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1841433069405118&id=1829181653963593

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My first date on the new ‘Tinder for threesomes’ not me !!!


THE longer I am single, the stronger my promiscuous side gets.

With each bad date I have, I feel like my desire for an emotional connection with a lover lowers and lowers.

Maybe I have just come to that age (or realisation) where my allotment of f**ks to give has significantly decreased. Maybe I’m jaded.

Whatever the reason, I feel less inclined to invest in someone emotionally at the moment. My search for a life partner has been abandoned for the time being.

But I still have other desires that need attention — sexual ones.

For more stories like this visit Whimn

Surprisingly, these needs are hard to fulfil on Tinder so I downloaded the ultimate hook up app, Feeld.

I was now only searching for that one thing that most guys pretend they’re not exclusively seeking but actually are — sex. And I didn’t want to go through another second of awkward chitchat to get it.

Feeld makes finding players for bedtime fun that much easier. It’s the next level of online hook-up app for open-minded singles and couples ready to satisfy their sexual appetite with threesomes, kinks and new erotic adventures.

This is what I discovered from using the app to my first date.

THE PROFILE

Unlike other apps, Feeld lets you take on an alter ago so you don’t have to disclose your real name. I found people on the app to be much more discreet about being there. After all, this is a place where people are seeking to fulfil their most taboo sexual fantasies. Not something you want prospective employers to be able to google.

THE PICTURE

I decided to upload just one picture of myself with my face not completely obscured.

This was also due to the awkwardness of potentially seeing someone I knew also snooping around for a good time between the sheets.

Profile pics are best anonymous. Photo: Stocksy

LISTING DESIRES

Despite most main pictures being mysterious enough, listing your sexual appetite is anything but discreet. The profile allows you to give a brief bio and encourages you to share interests just like Tinder and Bumble.

It makes the other apps look like child’s play as the answers that came under the sub-header ‘desires’ were anything but innocent.

The amount of sexual lingo used is endless. While browsing other profiles I frequently asked ‘Is this actually a thing?’ — most notably when I saw a Fifty Shades of Grey-esque fetish taken too far with desire of ‘Daddy dom (dominant)’ listed (I shudder at the thought).

BDSM, submissive, dominant, kink, switch, wrestling, pet-play, biting, and sensory experiences were just some of the other desires listed among profiles of people identifying themselves as either queer, polysexual, pansexual, heteroflexible, bisexual or straight.

It seemed like many people shared the common urge to explore threesome or group-sex activity with MMF (male, male, female), FFM (female, female, male) and swingers making regular appearances as desires listed.

SWEET TALK

Conversation started similarly to other dating apps with a casual hello. But thankfully the whole, “What do you do?”, “What are your hobbies?” type of talk was quickly shut down with chat turning sexual relatively quickly. I wasn’t looking for a partner in crime; rather someone I could casually commit naughty acts with.

After a few rounds of conservation of discussing what exactly my Feeld Romeo was after, I decided to meet up with my polysexual match in a public place.

THE DATE

 

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Naturally, I wanted to meet my potential new lover in a public place rather than going directly to his bedroom (safety first) so we chose the normal date standard rendezvous at a bar.

I was thrilled to discover that all the normal “dating” things I hated weren’t here. We knew why we were there and there was no need to “sell myself” to convince him I was fabulous and awesome enough to date.

We bypassed the usual nitty gritty date talk and went straight into an open and frank discussion about our sexual preferences. I felt that there were no prejudices and I felt as comfortable talking about my desires as I would talking about my favourite movie.

I told him I wanted to dress up in a PVC outfit and be dominant. He spoke about his desire to try group sex. He had just come out of a long-term relationship where his sexual desires (he felt) were repressed.

He had told me the app had given him the freedom to meet with like-minded people just wanting to have fun without getting into anything too serious.

He also mentioned his openness to explore being with a man although he had not ever done so previously — he was just curious.

THE END GAME

We didn’t go home together that night, but we’ve set the date for next week. This time, no chat — it will be straight sex, no strings attached and I cannot wait.

It will be my first Feeld sex, but I can already tell it won’t be my last.

 

So, the motto of this story…. if you delay I will end up on this Tinder and get my own 3 some anyone interested in 3 somes if so send me a message and tell me why this seems to be the “new trend”.

I think I might go for a 4some now just to be different.. go figure.. far out… hate those who know me… bugger, twatt, shit, poo

Finally I get it… So, let’s Enjoy it…


These last few months I have Opened my eyes, Closed my eyes, so many times thought that my life was over I have cried my eyes out, I went through every emotion known to man.

And let me tell you I even thought about ending my life all because of many factors in my life and each one of them valid and some not so.

Sometimes when you try so hard in thinking that your okay and you dive further and discover that alot of experiences good, bad and just horrible can and will harm your beautiful life all because of stupid errors of trying rediscover your youth, dreams that you feel are being stolen because of aging or perhaps lost moments in life when your heart was distoyed by stupid mindless morons that think drugging your meal, drink so their way of connection or sex!

I have met some beautiful people in my life sometimes when you try too hard you find that you start to make the most stupidest errors a friend of ours said, ‘When a person cant find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with Pleasure”.

 

deep-quotes-about-life-quotes-about-life-also-cool-life-quotes-quotes-about-life-deep-quotes-life-make-you-think.jpgThis quote upset me but, to be perfectly honest I didnt understand the meaning behind it when you find people who are simular to you and you enjoy each others company you forget those exemptional qualities and sometimes before you even can blink your life has changed within an instant!

Your inner person starts to change if your a person that can be drawn to experiencing designer drugs for example, you then with time your mind can be lead astray by means that you really don’t understand or even phathom.

We all at one stage of our lives get bored, want to live a life forfilled with love, experiences, unique opportunities and we all can do this but not with enhanced dangerous drugs that ulter your entire life to the point of perhaps loosing friendships, marriages, jobs, families.

Nothing that could possibly close to real connections, long beautiful conversations and most of all loving sexual experiences that we all can have, do and enjoy just as well without using harmful enhancements of Eutopia!

For me my mind enough without the above however, I would not refuse a experience with a Trip that could possibly enhance my creative naughty mind ha! (sort of joking)

Harmful drugs are out there and you must exercise caution Meth, Ice if you wish to call it will destroy your life and those you love and you will see a very interesting feature with drugs like this.. it is designed to play on your insecurities, harbour unexplained senarios, that make no sense at all, you will watch people stagnate, bit like ground hog day over and over and over until you wake up and say FUCK THIS.. I am over this shit!

Enough is Enough, so as I am just saying what I have seen remember this if you are not strong within yourself you will and I am not lying about this part .. You will lose everything you have, you will lose your friends, family, job, house, partners, children everything within a small moment of your life…

So, Wake up and Smell those beautiful roses you planted out the front of your house and water them daily because if you don’t my beautiful friends, family and loved ones.. you will lose yourself without you seeing it.

I must admit life is an unique and utter experience so please do it the right way or you will miss it .. LIfe is about living, loving and if your lucky enough experiencing the most epic opportunities that this world has to offer and the only way you are going to do this is to OPEN YOUR EYES and WAKE UP…

So, my lovlies are we going to Enjoy what is left of our youth with a better understanding, a live full of Growth and learning things like we have just woken up for the very first time?

Well, rather than exisit in this life we must explore, grow within ourselves and those we want to take with us in our journey…. You cannot teach something without experiencing it.. and if you do not experience it then you better be a bloody good mechanic….. because life is what it is…. a world of opportunity so many experiences waiting for each one of us.

Enjoy your journey because when that combination is worked out.. then you can begin living a full beautiful exeptional life…with LOVE…

Without Growth in anything in life .. we do not enjoy what we are born to experience.. So, get off that couch and do it… before it’s too late..

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LONG DISTANCE.. BDSM


 

Thanks to the online world, we can connect with people from across the world. We can find our kinky soulmate, and they live so far away you wonder if you’ll ever meet them in real life. Purely online hookups to deep, meaningful long distance relationships are made from these circumstances every day.

My relationship began after a few blog comments turned to emails.

Thankfully, we lived in the same state, but distance is distance. If you can’t get to the other person without spending a lot of time or money, it’s a long-distance relationship.

Add a need for Dominance and submission (D/s) or kink, and a difficult relationship is that much harder.

Things to consider in long-distance BDSM

When you care about the person enough, sacrifices of time, sleep, and money are easy to make. The same is true in kink relationships. Don’t let anyone tell you long-distance BDSM isn’t possible.

You just have to know a few tricks, workarounds, and absolute truths.

A willingness to communicate

Any long-distance BDSM arrangement is going to require a willingness to communicate. But long-distance BDSM  requires even more communication than you may realise. You’re not just learning each other’s likes, dislikes, and habits.

You’re discovering the most intimate details of each other to make your kink work. Phone calls, text messages, emails, instant messenger, snail mail, and hell, maybe even smoke signals might be required. Get used to talking all the time.

Trust and honesty is crucial in long-distance BDSM

You earn trust by being honest and having integrity. That’s just a rule of life. In kink, and especially when navigating long- distance BDSM it’s even more important. The wrong information, a white lie, or even a big fat whopper of a lie could lead to someone getting physically hurt.

Additionally, when you can’t see each other to watch facial expressions and body language, you only have words to build a trusting relationship. Trust is crucial to being willing to get your kink on with another person.

Doing what you say you’ll do

Long-distance BDSM, especially D/s, only works because one person believes the other person is doing what they said they would. If your Dominant tells you to get naked and touch yourself, do it. In my relationship, as a submissive, there were times I got in trouble for a missed task or bad attitude.

My Dominant told me to kneel in the corner for a certain amount of time as punishment. Yes, I could have said I did it and watched TV instead, but that’s not how kink should work. I took photos documenting the punishment – the corner, my knees after they were pressed against the carpet, whatever I could to show I’d done what I was told.

Ideas for kink in long distance BDSM relationships

Okay, so maybe you’ve already got the communication, trust, and integrity part down. You’re waiting for me to give you concrete ideas on how to make long-distance BDSM work, practically. Here are some kink ideas straight from my own relationship:

  • Masturbate for your partner over the phone. Let them deny or force the orgasms. You might be edged – stopping just before your orgasm. You might have to beg for permission. You may have to keep making yourself orgasm until it’s painful.
  • Masturbation in public places. Not completely public – the bathroom at work, a supply closet, sitting in your car. Either way, you may have your partner send pictures of their body or their wet, sticky hand.
  • Wearing an anal plug in public. Picture proof may be needed. Nipple clamps or rope harnesses are possible ideas, too. Anything that can be worn under clothing, so only you and your partner know.
  • Bedtime rituals. While my Dominant and I were still in long-distance BDSM, we spoke on the phone every night. Before hanging up, I asked permission to go to bed. Sometimes I was granted an orgasm or several – and sometimes not.
  • Spanking yourself, pinching nipples, clothespins on the skin. If you’re into pain (giving or receiving), it can be done long distance. Sure, the receiver of the pain has to do it for themselves, but pictures, phone calls, or Skype can make sure the giver gets to revel in it, too.
  • Lots and lots of sexting. My Dominant and I played out many a kinky sexual fantasy through text message while we were apart. Dick pics and pussy shots were also common messages we sent back and forth, too.

For those in power exchanges, you can get your kink on by creating/following non-sexual tasks like clothing choices, underwear options (to wear or not to wear, that is the question), what to eat, when to sleep.

If your kink is power and control, you can agree between the two of you where your partner will have/give up control over daily life. With trust and integrity, you don’t have to be together to make that work.

Long-distance relationships aren’t easy. Long-distance BDSM is even harder. But with a lot of trust and communication and some creative thinking, you can make it work until you’re able to be together again.

 

 

Are you SURE your Ready for what is COMING?


Here are just a few Documentaries so if you have time please watch them and then you tell me…

OUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON WHAT??

Are you REALLY ready for our future for Sex, Working, War, Test Tube Babies, and much more is coming and they are COMING very soon…

So, here is my question to you ALL:

  1. Do you think this is wise?

  2. Why do you think the above question?

  3. What benefits do you think will make to us going forward?

  4. Which video Documentary did you like the best and why?

 

 

 

 

Sexual well being: The why might be more important than the how


 

Why you’re having sex might be more important than how you’re having sex.

These days there are magazines and online posts telling us how to improve our sex-lives with promises that increased sexual functioning = increased overall well-being.

With all these posts telling us how to have sex and how much sex to have, we might forget about why we are having sex.

In fact, research has demonstrated that simply going through the motions might not be enough to achieve the benefits of having an active sex life.

So, it might be helpful to start thinking about why we are having sex instead of just having sex.

Self-determination theory is a motivation theory that classifies types of motivations along a continuum of autonomy, or in other words, the degree that you’re doing things truly for yourself.

Intrinsic motivations are the most autonomous motivations and extrinsic motivations are the least autonomous motivations.

Research has demonstrated that intrinsic motivations, or doing things truly for yourself, are associated with more positive outcomes than when you have extrinsic motivations.

This theory has also been applied to the sexual context.

Examples of intrinsic sexual motivations are having sex because it feels good, because it’s fun, or because you enjoy feeling close with your partner or if you may “others” that you wish to share experiences with.

On the other hand, extrinsic sexual motivations, might be having sex because you feel it’s the “normal” thing to do, or having sex to avoid conflict with a partner.

Compared sexual motivations between women with sexual difficulties and women without sexual difficulties.

They found that the women without sexual difficulties reported more intrinsic reasons for having sex and less extrinsic reasons than women with sexual difficulties.

The same study also found greater intrinsic sexual motivations to be associated with more positive outcomes such as greater sexual satisfaction, sexual arousal, lubrication, orgasm, sexual desire, and lower sexual distress.

The opposite pattern was found in extrinsic motivations.

When individuals had more extrinsic sexual motivations, they also had lower sexual satisfaction, sexual arousal, lubrication, orgasm, sexual desire, and greater sexual distress.

All in all, these findings tell us that sexual well-being might be about more than what you do or how you do-it might be about why you do it.

When self-worth is tied to one’s Sexual and Romantic relationship


Sexual Contingent self-worth (CSW) is self-esteem that is dependent on maintaining what one perceives to be a successful sexual relationship .

When individuals with greater CSW experience positive events in the contingent domain, they have better well-being.

However, if they perceive failures in the contingent domain (sexual domain), they have poorer well-being. One study found that individuals who reported sexual problems, such as PVD, had greater sexual CSW than those without problems.

Individuals with greater sexual CSW may perceive a sexual problem, such as PVD, as a failure in the contingent domain, which could be associated with poorer psychological, sexual, and relational well-being.

Both women with PVD and their partners report feelings of failure in the sexual relationship.

However, couples affected by PVD report being just as satisfied with their overall relationship as the general population. Basing self-worth on the overall relationship (relationship CSW) may serve a protective function for couples coping with PVD.

In our study, we wanted to examine the associations between sexual and relationship CSW and the sexual satisfaction, sexual distress, relationship satisfaction, and depressive symptoms of women with PVD and their partners, as well as women’s pain.

What did we do?
We had 82 couples complete an online survey that included validated measures of sexual and relationship CSW and the sexual satisfaction, sexual distress, relationship satisfaction, depressive symptoms, and (for women) pain during intercourse.

What did we find?

  • When women with PVD reported greater sexual CSW, they experienced more sexual distress and pain.
  • When partners reported greater sexual CSW, they were less sexually and relationally satisfied and more sexually distressed, and women had greater depressive symptoms and lower relationship satisfaction.
  • When partners reported higher relationship CSW, they were more sexually and relationally satisfied and less sexually distressed, and women reported lower depressive symptoms and greater relationship satisfaction.

What do these findings mean?
Results suggest that couples’ greater sexual CSW is linked to poorer sexual, relational, and psychological well-being in couples affected by PVD, whereas partners’ greater relationship CSW is associated with better well-being.

Thus, when couples coping with PVD base their self-worth on their sexual relationship, they may be more likely to experience the negative consequences that are associated to this pain condition.

However, if partners are more focused on the overall romantic relationship, this may serve a protective function for both members of the couple.

Findings suggest that sexual and relationship CSW may be important targets for interventions aimed at improving the well-being of couples with PVD. The results also highlight the importance of including partners in research and treatment for PVD.

It is important to note that this study was cross-sectional.

Thus, all of the associations could have been in the other direction.

For example, it is possible that when couples coping with PVD have poorer psychological and sexual well-being, they are more likely to have greater sexual CSW.

Further research is needed to help determine the direction of these associations.

Until The Ribbon Breaks – Count The Lightening.. beautiful song, Bless


 

Lyrics – thank you Ward Clever for allowing me to share this beautiful song… I adore it and it’s gorgeous indeed xx

https://wardclever.wordpress.com/2018/02/24/as-if-weve-been-here-always/comment-page-1/#comment-27550

Come on now, kiddo
We’ll be alright
Me and you can count the lightning
In the middle of the night

Let them count the thunder
We’ll sit upon the roof
We can sit in silence
And pretend that we are bulletproof

Let them count the thunder
Tonight’s for you and I
Let’s sit and count the lightning as it tears across the sky
Let’s sit and count the lightning as it tears across the sky
As if we’ve been here always, you and I
You and I
You and I
You and I

Come on now kiddo
They’ll always call
We were always stronger
With our back against the wall

Let them count the thunder
Tonight’s for you and I
Let’s sit and count the lightning as it tears across the sky
Let’s sit and count the lightning as it tears across the sky
As if we’ve been here always, you and I
You and I
You and I
You and I

You and I
You and I
You and I

Let’s sit and count the lightning as it tears across the sky
As if we’ve been here always, you and I
You and I
You and I
You and I

You and I
You and I
You and I

You and I
You and I
You and I

You and I
You and I
You and I

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People go nuts about Halloween.

 That made me start thinking about the psychology behind the celebration.

Halloween is actually an ancient Celtic holiday on which people believed they needed masks to protect themselves from bad spirits that roamed the earth on all Hallows eve. (if you are in America or in Australia depending on the high end of children around your neighbourhood!)

Thousands of years later, people are still wearing masks.

They hide behind anything from a false smile to  headphones to my personal favorite:

  • People who wear dark glasses which tend to look a little creepy—and these people aren’t celebrities.

Then there are the emotional masks, the masks we hide behind because of fear.

For example, if we are insecure, we might hide behind the mask of name-dropping. If we are unsure of our power, we can hide behind mask of being a bully.

 If we don’t think the world loves us, we can hide behind mask of anger.

We mask the debt we’ve incurred to pay for lifestyles we can’t afford;

  • we pretend things are fine at work, when our jobs are on the line;
  • we pretend things are okay in our marriages when there is distance.

What masks do you wear?

One of the most common reasons we wear masks is what I think of as Imposter Syndrome—the fear that the world is going to find us out.

One of our greatest fears is that if we show our true selves, the world will say, “Oh, it’s just you.” But being just you is actually the best and most perfect thing you could ever be.

As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself; everyone else is taken.”

Or if you are interested in the spiritual perspective, the psalmist wrote, d actress Fanny Brice explained,

 

 “Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be because sooner or later, if you are posing, you are not being you.

The third reason is healing.

When we wear masks, we carve a piece of ourselves out— withholding parts of ourselves as unworthy.

But in relationships, especially in our spiritual relationships, we can’t be truly healed unless we offer up all the pieces.

It’s like handing someone a broken vase and asking him or her to fix it but holding back two or three of the broken pieces.

As one of the pastors of Hope City Church in Indianapolis, Indiana explained, “Masks make shallow what God has intended to be deep… (read this)

Everything in our lives get cheated when we choose to hide ourselves behind our masks.

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We weren’t born with masks. We put them on, so we can take them off.

Start with this simple exercise:

 

  • Think about a negative messages you have held onto.
  • Why am I carrying that message?

Ask yourself whether it is true?  More than likely, the answer is no.

And if it is not, then you have to ask these questions:

If I put it down, what would happen?

  • Probably nothing.

The main risk we face is the world’s reaction.

Opening yourself up threatens others; it invites them reevaluate their own lives. Many times, it forces them to realize that they too have the power to change, but they haven’t.

Don’t let that stop you.

Don’t pull your mask partially off then let the world scare you into putting it back on.

As the poet E. E. Cummings wrote,

“The greatest battle we face as human beings is the battle to protect our true selves from the self the world wants us to become.”

Think about the masks you wear and commit to taking them off.

Hold your gifts out to the world—no apology, no shame, no regrets.

01behindthe_mask28mastheadpic29

 As the old saying goes, every creature has its rightful place, and in that place it becomes beautiful.


The above is how my heart feels about me.

Because this is what we all should have , want and earn for ourselves.

Life is all about At LEAST TRY and always push your boundaries.. because u never no

I believe we are our own beholder how else will you SEE

Open your hearts

The above is Me…. Submission was a beautiful surprise… thank you

The above means to me that when I was alone and breaking apart I needed someone to hold me.

This below I felt that I have always struggled in identifying who cared enough

We search for love every moment of our lives but true love is within our hearts and embedded in our souls.

We cant fake that.. it isnt possible well not for me it isn’t I cant do fake.

If I ever did ignore you remember it wasnt because I wanted to it was because I didnt know how else to be me.

People take too much without understanding why..

We want love, compassion, honesty, great beautiful conversations of life.. at least I do.

Life my sweet people is too short never stop being you.

Addiction and our bodies


The impact of drug addiction is extensive. Depending on a host of factors, including the substance used, the duration of abuse, and an individual’s overall health, drugs can have a range of short- to long-term effects on the body. Here are some of the health issues correlated with drug abuse and how treatment and recovery can help reverse some of the damage.

Physical Impact

Different drugs and their method of use—smoking, snorting, swallowing, and injection—affect the body in different ways. Drugs that are most addictive activate the brain’s cerebral cortex and limbic system—or reward center—by flooding pathways and synapses with the neurotransmitter dopamine.
Addiction is considered a brain disorder because drugs have the potential to rewire the brain’s reward circuity. This change to the brain obstructs not only a person’s decision-making abilities, emotions, and impulse control, but also their capacity to experience pleasure from everyday activities. Drug dependency occurs when the user compulsively repeats the behavior despite devastating consequences to their lives, bodies, and loved ones.
In addition to changing the way the brain functions, research shows that people with substance use disorders often experience a host of other physical health problems, including:
Higher rates of lung and cardiovascular diseaseLiver failureKidney damageChronic painOrgan system injuryHepatitis CAsthmaDiabetesCancer
There are several reasons why people who suffer from substance abuse disorders are likely to have co-occurring physical health problems. Previous medical conditions can contribute to the development of addiction—or addiction, which impacts the body’s immune system and often accompanies risky behavior, can cause additional medical issues. The co-occurring conditions can also exacerbate each other.
Psychological Impact
Compared to the general population, people who suffer from substance use disorders are twice as likely to experience mental health issues. This does not necessarily mean that one causes the other, but research shows that there is a connection. Drug abuse can trigger mental health symptoms, and mental illness can contribute to substance abuse. Both conditions are often caused by similar influences, such as genetic vulnerabilities, biology, and environmental factors.
While under the influence of the drug, a person can experience short-term mental health symptoms like paranoia and delusion. If the symptoms last after the drug effects subside, it can indicate an underlying mental health issue. The negative consequences of drug use on a person’s professional and personal life can also trigger depression.
Mental health disorders and substance abuse often impact each other. For example, when a person’s mental health issue is untreated, they are more likely to abuse drugs, and when a person’s drug abuse escalates, it can worsen their mental health symptoms.

Recovery

Recovering from addiction is difficult and can be complicated by additional mental or physical medical conditions, but there is hope. An essential part of the recovery process involves detoxing from the drug and rewiring the brain’s pathways to restore normal functioning. This takes time and, often, medical intervention.
It is vital that a person with a dual diagnosis find a rehab that addresses both issues simultaneously. A facility like Caron Treatment Centers offers world-class integrated behavioral health programs that treat addiction alongside co-occurring physical and psychological conditions.
According to addiction specialists at Caron, the faster a person receives help and the longer they stay drug-free, the more likely they are to reverse the damage and restore their health. Healing is possible.
Trust Caron to provide comprehensive treatment
At Caron, we understand that addiction is complex. That’s why we don’t just treat drug and alcohol problems, but also the underlying and related issues that often accompany these conditions. By addressing the physical, psychological, and spiritual aspects of each patient, Caron provides uncompromising treatment.
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Awareness of ones self


My internet is down at this moment so let me make this brief I wanted to share something beautiful and a little hopefully not so late.

Time and understanding ones self is an amazing thing.. however, when we travel throughout ones life we must be aware of ourselves that we don’t hurt those people we love in our current life.

And that is what I hope I haven’t done Its important that we do things with awareness not with our blinkers on.

No matter how hard we try we can potentially be harmful without us understanding that life is or isn’t depends how we see things. 

So in saying this I am now aware my past and it isnt my current life experience and that is one hell of a relief.

So, in moving forward in our journey I wish all the Angels going forward that life is and will be a hell of a ride and for that.

I thank you, with all my heart and soul AND I hope that with time we live it freely with an open heart .

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