The End of the D/s Relationship…


Coping with Release of a Sub or Dom…

Remember, both these roles are not without the other each role each other plays in this lifestyle, kink, roleplay whichever, you both cannot exist without each other.

So, be respectful, understand both of you are in this together, understand what your likes are and what they are not talking to each other, this is the serious part of this you both must talk.

It is an investment in time, energy, emotion is at least equal to one another a Dom is not different, he feels the same space he only sees what you tell him if you do not tell him how do you expect him to understand what you like.

The same is for the Sub if she is not going to vocally use her voice right, wrong, whatever use your voice tell me what you desire, likes, dislikes, if he loves you respects you and wants this then he will listen to you.

Both of you are responsible for your own parts when playing in this lifestyle, you cannot expect them to know if you don’t talk to them, explain to them in a respectful manner do not blame each other.. that is not going to end well.

Time, patience, understanding, and most of all you cannot fake in this lifestyle if your mind, the body is turned on then show it, release yourself to it and give each other yourselves and let me say this.. if it’s for you … you will both know.

The mind and body are uniquely created for you both if it doesn’t do it.. then find something else that will.. if it does.. then there is no faking it..

You cannot fake this lifestyle at all… it is what you are and he is together so trust yourself.

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I am bringing this up as I have read a few ladies that have come across this before or even recently in their current or semi-current relationships.  Remember, when you dabble in this lifestyle at the beginning of any new kinky roleplay of being a Submissive you will come up against those that really don’t get it, or perhaps yeah, sure it is about whips right?

No, this is to some of us more than just stupid whips, however, do not allow those that use that kind of talk towards you as a deferent to put you off… Learn from this experience and understand more about why you like this in your life..cuffs

My Story

Let me explain my own experience a very long time ago…

I was a young 28-year-old young woman single mother and recently divorced from a man that was pure vanilla.  Internet was new and I was introduced to a system called MIRC, which was a place that did not share pictures it was purely words on a screen.

I came across a channel it was called BDSM, had no idea what it meant to me it was a few angry aggressive men and a few weak minded women with no opinion except yes, no, and I will do as you say, for me it was stupid and ridiculous speaking.

Of course, I was a menis and a pain in the ass on that channel but, to be honest, I would get on it and make trouble, it made me laugh, however, those that ran this channel took it seriously and to me that was interesting.

I was kicked off, told to go away, I have no manners, I need to learn before I should enter such a room.

Me: Get stuffed, how dare you, who do you think you are, I have rights, I am allowed to say what I want, what kind of male are you, of course I got wild, angry, and pissed off.

Him: He was stern, agressive, called me a child, go back to mother, blah, blah, blah, however, he found me pleasing because god, knows why to be perfectly honest.

Me: I found it intoxicating and very adictive and it made me feel something for the first time in my life.. and I liked it and wanted to understand why, so I started asking him questions and that is where my whole life changed..

The meeting was not a success he wasnt the person I should have met however, nothing this fake Dominant did to me and he did some nasty things dont you think for one moment he didnt… He was very violent and extremely abusive, he got off on humillation and much worse…

It did take me time to even think about doing it again with anyone … in fact it took me 4 years until I met my husband..

Firstly, I must admit it would be difficult for anyone mainly because of what you surrender too and how you do it… However, I firmly believe that if your an Empowered, Powerful, strong, female or male if you’re the submissive.unnamed.jpg

So, remember, if this person didn’t treat you right, then learn from how you met them, what was it that they lacked and learn from it.. do not wallow about him or why he was a smuck, he was a learning for you… if you are drawn back into this lifestyle then understand what you lacked and pick better..

Communication is the key, Chemistry is a must, Kink is a duo of two people connecting him being what he likes and you loving what you like…

Remember, we are what we do… we also only know what we know.. so use your brain and research, be more careful and grow up and smell your roses ladies, men, we and they are a union of two people you cannot make someone do something they do not like it won’t work..

So, meet those who get you, understand you and most of all are turned on by the same like… Communicate your likes, understand your threshold, discover by learning and being respectful towards each other before you allow someone to beat your ass..

Once you have understood each other like each other and most of all get each other than learn more, grow together, he or she isn’t there for one person it is a two-way street.

Or Three eventually if you wish or four, you get my thoughts right!
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And most of all enjoy it… if you don’t like it say it…. use your voice… that is what we are here for…

If you don’t you won’t grow, understand, or love what you desire and it is okay to feel whatever you both feel.. and never give up on each other…

Make sure they are with you.. not against you.. and Enjoy it, talk about it, and most of all do it…

Candii xxx

 

 

TaBoo… & Kinks…


So, what does that title mean, or I should say what is your idea of being kinky mean to you?tumblr_pee9x1X6XH1v8hcteo1_500

But, what about the person your dating, married too, in a relationship with are they kinky? The only way you will find out is to communicate with them and ask them don’t be shy about this subject let’s face “it if your kinky and you know it claps your hands.”

There is no area in saying I am Kinky without feeling it or at least thinking it, right?

So, firstly let’s do a list that you yourself have covered before you bring up a subject about something that you may not understand.tumblr_nlbieaZX201u3v3tco1_500.gif

1. Do your own research before you bring up the subject.

 

2. Use subtle cues to try to engage in a short discussion.

 

Don’t forget to Challenge your ownself.. it is a turn on…

When you discover that you might be kinky there are a lot of questions surrounding how to accept that.1ce2814c1716fb1d77215869e3cfd91b.jpg

One of those may be trying to explore that kink with your existing partner.

But how do you bring up the subject and how do you handle what they may say about the ideas you are entertaining?

  • Learning you may have kinky desires is not uncommon but dealing with the emotional repercussions can be difficult.

Once you deal with your own emotions and feelings surrounded your new found interests, it may be time to talk to your partner about them.

This can be a very nerve-wracking time for you but worth the effort you are going to put into it, right?

  • A lot of partners are willing to try new and adventurous new things if asked.
  • Things like light bondage, spanking or Dominant/submissive role play generally is well received for sex play.
  •  Other activities will require conversations with your partner.

Talk About It with each other

Plan a moment where there won’t be any distraction and talk about your new feelings and desires.images (61)

Be honest about it and open for positive and negative responses.

If you need help, get a book or find a few websites online to help you with your discussion.

Don’t give your partner ultimatums, they will need time to understand what you are asking from them and to find out themselves if they are interested.

It’s a change in the relationship they may not have expected, but then it could also be very exciting for them.

Leave Subtle Clues if you’re finding it difficult to bring the subject up with him or her…

Like I mentioned above you can leave a book out for your partner to see, but other things work too.images (1).jpg

Magazines that talk about kinky sex play, bookmark pictures of ads that show someone tied up or blindfolded, start leaving links to sites online to educational kink resources like The Iron Gate or Leather and Roses.

Tell your partner your fantasies that involve some kinky things and see how they react. The goal here is to feel things out and see how they may react before talking to them outright.

After the Big Talk

Once you get someone interested in trying something don’t let the ball drop.

 

  • Experiment,
  • play around,
  • be adventurous.

You may find that you both have interests to explore and fun things to do with each other that you never thought possible.

I could bring your relationship closer together and engage a level of intimacy that was not possible before.

Your relationship dynamic could change for the better. Revel in the changes and enjoy yourself.alisa-verner.jpg

If Things Go South

Not every situation turns out for the better.

Some people just can’t be kinky and don’t want to entertain your fantasies or relationship desires.

You may have to make a choice to never entertain your desires or to find someone that will.

The hard decisions in life may be ahead for you.

So, be brave select a partner that suits both your ideas, feelings, points, respect, honesty, understanding and most of all your chemistry must be “brilliant”, let’s face it that is the main kicker in surviving a relationship, right?

I suggest you read to get online and sus out a few areas.. I will leave you some great sites to venture and read, read, read, if it turns you on then continue…reading, talking, you must understand this lifestyle is and will only be for those that understand exactly what turns you on about it…images (2).jpg

So, click onto the provided link below and start with this first and click onto other areas on that website.. that should make you a little busy.

 

http://clarissethorn.com/bdsm-resources/

Why Drag Queens are Important for Society


It is all about the Drag… let me entertain you about our past years 20 years in fact… taking those back to those times…

It certainly doesn’t stop the glamorous drag queens that you might’ve seen at your local Pride parade or The Court Hotel in  Perth,  from going on being themselves.

 TIME FOR A BLAST FROM THE PAST…. 1997-1999

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Not only do these high heeled and glitter-clad Queens prove some undeniably fun entertainment, but drag queens also represent the need for change in social stigma as well as the gender binary that is still enforced in the world today.

I personally think they are simply beautiful individuals with alot of talent, put most women to shame to be perfectly honest especially these day…

When I was a fag hag in late 1997-9 I must admit they always made me go wow, in totally amazement they are the best people you will ever meet.

A long time ago or not so long ago the times of Electra and from my memory was another one Named BarbieQ, Carlotta??? if my memory recalls, apart from that it was either trade night on a thursday night or house parties with good music and alot of boys with other boys.. many parties…

TRADE ON A THURSDAY NIGHT @ 02’S

I do remember those days at Trade one a Thursday night, watching my dear friend Mark Qxxxx who had an alas his real name was Stef, dated him a few times even though I knew his real flavour was males, males, males.

Whichever, I loved it back in those days.. the clubs where gay and the straight clubs where straight.. no offense but, I prefered the gay clubs being gay.. cuz, it was a hoot and kept those straight opinionated men out…

Adian, “oh, where out thou” , Jason, Lisa, Mark, Steph, GG, Glenneth, Prozac, CLinton, Monkey, Sammy, Diego, Daniel, the posh bois, Tim,  oh gosh, so many that I loved and now cannot find… and to many more that I cannot recall anymore due to loosing there contact I will try and locate those wonderful beautiful times of fun, dance until you drop and smile until your face could not take it any longer…

Love lil’gal, fifi, franny xxx

 

I wish Labels would go away…

Labels like ‘gay’, ‘straight’, ‘female’, or ‘male’, just don’t fit-  nor matter – in the world of drag queens, labels like Moschino and McQueen do, however, matter quite a lot.

I hate, detest, revolt, every word under the sun LABELS, take away the damn labels and put us all as SEXUAL…. help with bullying with children at schools…

 

Anyway, back to DRAG QUEENS

Drag Queens are Beautiful, to say the least, I remember a very long time ago, when I was at the Court Hotel, that I was not allowed to go into the ladies if other LADIES, wherein there, they stood 7 foot tall and they if I can recall, “the door was either locked or manned no go into the loo….

So, I did recall testing this fact… yes, indeed, I was told to leave until they were all finished.. plus, apart from thinking OMG, well, I was on their turf at the time…  Our toilet time now piss off…

WOAH, lol, fair enough, taller, priettier, where really men, so not going to argue with them.. plus, that was 1997 back in those days…

Drag queens thrive to push the envelope of gender and force the audience to realize the extensive complexity of gender representation and sexuality.

It will never just be male or female; it goes deeper than appearance, and drag queens are a walking and talking symbol of that idea.

  • Beyond their bold makeup and ridiculous flexibility (that I still envy time to time), drag queens are standing up for the right to play and tease with gender and strip away the ‘traditional’ American views of what gender is.

So before any Kardashian ever broke the internet, drag queens have been breaking down borders and rules since day one.

These Queens are the change that we need in this world, to shape a society that breaks the gender binary and offers a colourful array of what each human wants to be in this world.

Plus, us women need a good kick up the gooohooosie…. get your heels back on ladies, and go back to being women…(talking about women who wear flats and stupid nighties to clubs these days..)

Whoopsie… did I just say that…  Enough of me… Franny gaL XXX

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Me in the middle all those years ago…

Don’t be a Drag, just be a Queen!

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TMI Tuesday: November 20, 2018


Spill! It’s time for another TMI Tuesday.

tmituesdayblog

1. Who in your life do you wish you’d met sooner?

My Husband, maybe I say this because I do believe we met each other at the right age… I have told him many times that if I did meet his ego before 31 years I may not have liked him…

2. Who in your life do you wish you’d never met? Why?

Well, I won’t say this because I do have my own opinion on who this would be… but, we must never regret always say everything is a lesson in life.

3. What personality trait or description that others attribute to you do you hate?

Hate is an awful word let’s not use this

4. If you have children, do you want them to be just like you?

Absolutely not!!

My son which he will detest me using “my son”, he is just perfect the way he is.. living his own life just the way he wishes too.

5. What have you given up but yet used to love?

Oh, what a question, many, many things my son was one of them… I wish I didn’t but, life is definitely a learning curb indeed, I let him go to have a better life and I think deep down if I was selfish I wouldn’t have (that is my biggest regrets of being selfish if I didn’t give him up)

One day I will explain that too you sweetheart.

 

Bonus: Why do people say “heads up” when you should duck?

Funny 80’s expression of life….. I guess.. or a duck is flying low lol

What if we found someone?


State Up Front What You Want
Click here Be clear about what you want and what your boundaries are. If those things aren’t okay with the person you’re chatting up, don’t try to talk them into something they don’t want to do or say anything – especially if they’re outright false promises or lies – just to get them into bed. That’s something desperate losers do.

Don’t Expect People to Change

  fb_img_15404432395574160994538698960135.jpg There are a lot of people, especially women, that believe that if the sex is great, that the other person will keep coming back for more or want to develop something more than just a casual relationship. Luring someone in by entrapment never works out or ends well. It’s also dishonest. However, this could be wrong it all depends on your values, how you see things and of course what level your other partners are playing.

Don’t Make Too Many Compromises  

Be completely comfortable and accepting with what the other person wants and has to offer in a casual relationship. If you give up too much, you’re going to regret being in the situation you got yourself into. You are entitled to have your casual relationship be a good and happy thing, sexually and otherwise.

When Emotions Get Lopsided  

As much as people can tell themselves that a casual relationship is “just sex”, sex is loaded with emotions. After all, sex feels great. Right? A lot of those “feel good” emotions can lead to attachment. That’s why open communication is so important. Talk about your casual relationship as it evolves. If feelings for and expectations of each other aren’t mutual, it’s easier to deal with the situation sooner than later.

Be Friends  

Like the person, you’re hooking up with. Be decent, kind, thoughtful and respectful. If you can’t do or be those things, don’t expect a hot sexual vibe in return. If you feel like that’s a chore or obligation, the other person will sense that and think you’re an asshole, and no one wants to have sex with an asshole. And if you don’t like the person you’re hooking up with or if you’re not having fun like friends of any other type do, your sex is not going to be fun.


A Word About Respect  

I recently came upon a blog discussion thread where a bunch of men were complaining about the way women disrespect them. Everyone is entitled to respect but it’s earned both ways. If you don’t treat people well, hold up your responsibilities, or keep your word, the other person has every right to be pissed off with you. Being in a casual relationship doesn’t mean that you can be casual about manners and courtesy.

Finding a Casual Sex Partner isn’t Necessarily Immediate or Easy  

Even if there are hundreds or thousands of potential casual sex partners on a casual sex dating site, it doesn’t mean that you should expect sex on demand or instant gratification. It might take weeks or months to find or cultivate an eventual hookup. Remember that you’re dealing with available people and not just available bodies. Just because someone is available for a casual relationship doesn’t mean that they owe you sex.

So, this is my suggestion to all of those that want more out of their life  

Be absolutely honest, there is no room for being anything but… I feel with true heartfelt love when I say this to you.  Majority of people do not want to hurt one another more than they want you to grow and experience life with the right tools, they want you to see just how beautiful you can be within your own self. We are not a cruel race we “Only Know what we Know” and this also can change within an instant, with a caring hand and a caring heart.. so do things with love, communication and a mindset that is worthy of all those beautiful things people are drawn too…And, do them with your best intention… and of course a kinky healthier mind and have fun… laugh, smile and get that inner person out and be the best you can be ……..love  Candii xx

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Expectations versus No Expectations…


Now let’s talk about mine and then let’s talk about what is real within a normal personal life.

Me, well, I must admit apart from being a kid and having huge expectations of Birthdays, Easters, Christmas’s those are normal all kids go through it they want, they get disappointed they cry they winge they moan… Expectations of a child are massive and then after time passes it does tend to lack a bit…download (3)

My Perfect Expectation EVER

Now if I was to be honest if I had expectations in life – my dream is like this – if I was to have the perfect threesome it would be Brad Pitt and George Clooney, right!!

Come on ladies, let’s admit that would be the best expectations ever, right?

Now as you know if that didn’t occur and I got let’s say my husband and one of his old moulds… well, don’t think I will winge…. that was a joke… you get my picture…

wink, wink, say no more… hence why I don’t have them ha, ha, so anything above having none means I win either way and of course this is a joke…  so husband does not get any ideas… yeah, right!

Living without expectations

When you have no expectations, you have no disappointments and you open yourself to the realm of infinite possibility, where happiness and abundance simply fall into your lap

The list is endless, especially in today’s society, where there are constant opportunities to compare ourselves to others and look for ways to be more, better, or different.download (4).png

Never before have expectations been so high in terms of what humans are capable of, and this creates a paradox of opportunity and pressure when we begin to realize that expectations lead to disappointments.

 

Expectations are pervasive in our lives, and most of us are conditioned to be driven by them and to attempt to realize them.

But we didn’t start out that way.

We are all born in a state of pure Love where there are absolutely no expectations and no disappointments.

Think of it as our “original innocence.”

When you were born, you knew these Truths:

  • You are whole and complete.
  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
  • You are worthy and deserving.
  • You can trust the Universe.
  • You have a deep inner knowing.
  • You are connected.
  • All there is and all that matters is Love.
  • You are Love.

“Expectation Hangover” Defined

You probably have a good sense of what an Expectation Hangover is by now, but here is my official definition:

  • the myriad undesirable feelings, thoughts, and responses present when one or a combination of the following things occur
  •  Things don’t turn out the way you thought, planned, or wanted them to.
  • Things do turn out according to your plans and desires, but you don’t feel the fulfilment you expected.
  • You are unable to meet your personal and/or professional expectations.
  • An undesired, unexpected event occurs that is in conflict with what you wanted or planned.

So, the motto of this short and funny story is trying having none and anything is a happy ending…. go figure…

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Dear god, please be Brad Pitt and George Clooney…hehehe

I had a Blow out over the Weekend


So, all a great start to a beautiful weekend, however, right before we went out and me trying nearly everything on in my wardrobe by husband and I had a blow out all because of me requiring safety pins.

I have to say these days my temper is a little harder to control than normal, it takes me a while to get up there but, now I seem to have a bigger problem getting down from my anger, rage whatever you wish to put it in.659111_1.jpg

There does not seem to be any grey area now which is a problem my husband was doing his best to try and stop my rage but, for some reason I just wanted to leave, go, pack, it was Flight or Fight, in fact, both!

It made me think on why I wanted to go, leave, exit plan B!

After all my work and his I might add through all the trauma of my past and the ease of these weeks have been great, however, the rage, anger, hostility was not a good side to myself and it was horrible, nasty and darn right wrong!

It lasted a day and a half and I was exhausted, worn out and felt like shit, to be honest, nothing I can say will make that weekend better nor me for that much!

Both of us can hold up ourselves in an argument but, I could hear my mother come out of my mouth and it was horrible and revolting, to say the least…

  • Is this normal after acknowledging one’s past trauma, or is it me?
  • Is it common after feeling great or am I going end up like my mother?

Hot ideas some not bad


21 SIZZLING AND KINKY ROLE PLAY IDEAS TO SET YOUR BEDROOM ON FIRE

Sexy woman in lace bunny ears putting on white stockings

 

It’s not just for couples wanting to spice up their sex lives – anyone with a heartbeat and sex drive has some kind of fantasy they wish they could act out but are too nervous to even ask.

 

The great news?

 

Many fantasies are perfectly normal and are shared by millions of people.

 

Here is a sample of what’s out there…

 

 

COMMON ROLE PLAY FANTASIES


 

BOSS AND EMPLOYEE – How bad do you want that promotion? Everyone has some sort of suit or business attire in their closet, so it’s a great one for beginners.

 

Sexy woman with red hair wearing a nurse's unform, holding a stethoscopeDOCTOR AND NURSE – A thorough physical is in order. We want you to be healthy, after all. Toss on a sexy uniform, add a pair of gloves and tell them to bend over.

 

DOM, SUB, SWITCH – It’s all about the thrill and/or release of power exchange and the respect and trust that are the cornerstones of BDSM. If you’re new to the game, all you need is something to tie your partner up with. Don’t forget your safety word.

 

If you need help or ideas about BDSM, these articles are a must:

 

 

FIREFIGHTERS – There are plenty of clichés like, “I’ll put out that fire” but honestly, who hasn’t drooled over one of those calendars?

 

HITCHHIKER – Similar to the stranger fantasy, but you need a car. Pretend to pick them up on the side of the road. A skirt is recommended for easy navigation.

 

HOOKER OR CALL GIRL – Dressing up in some slutty clothing and taking your partner back to your house for a few hours of … whatever you want. Don’t forget to pay them.

 

MOVIE OR BOOK CHARACTER – The possibilities are endless. From getting caught by a Hogwarts teacher to being Mr Darcy’s mistress.

 

PIRATES – They either involve a “captive” who is noticed by the captain or the rugged swashbuckler who saves the maiden/man in distress. There is a mountain of nautical themed romance books out there if you need help.

 

Role play ideas, man dressed as sexy police officerPOLICE OFFICER – Whether the officer breaks out those handcuffs or the criminal overpowers them and uses his own Billy Club, anything goes. There is also the variation of prison guard and inmate.

 

PORN STAR – It can be anything from reenacting your favourite naughty movie or just filming your own. Location possibilities are endless.

 

REPAIR PERSON – Someone comes over to fix that squeaky bed. Another good one for beginners.

 

SECRET AGENT – 007 or Nikita, tailored suits and form-fitting black attire. World domination plans and steamy interludes. What’s not to like?

 

CELEBRITY AND FAN- That starlight beauty or handsome film god finally takes notice of you.

 

SERVANT, MAID, BUTLER – They’re supposed to be cleaning, but damn, they’re just so dirty. Plus, costumes are super easy to get.

 

ANIMAL HYBRID – You might cringe, but with all the werewolf, vampire, and monster media out there, you can’t tell me there aren’t people who wouldn’t go crazy over a full moon and great romp in the forest. Or go the super cute route with fuzzy ears. Maybe an animal tail that doubles as a butt plug.

 

Illustration of sexy Goldielocks and the three bearsFAIRY TALE CHARACTER – Nearly every man dreams of banging one of the Disney princesses/princes, hell maybe both at the same time. Pick anything from Brothers Grimm, or Hans Christian Anderson and go crazy.

 

You can also check out J.Scott Campbell‘s fairytale imagery more ideas.

 

SPORTS STAR AND FAN – Similar to the Hollywood star one. Just exchange your Oscar’s attire for a sport’s jersey. There is also another variation of Rock Star and Groupie.

 

STRANGERS AT A BAR – You lock eyes over your happy hour cocktail. The attraction is enough to make you want to skip to the hotel and go to the nearest bathroom, closet, or empty room.

 

STRIPPER – If you’re secure in your sultry dancing skills, make sure your partner has a fist full of bills to put in that g-string.

 

SUPERHERO – It might have been Superman at some point, but Chris Hemsworth made Thor sexy AF. Or you could go Spiderman for flexibility and the desire for younger men/women.

 

TEACHER AND STUDENT – Probably in the top 10 of most fantasies (for both men and women) “I need straight As to get that scholarship. Please, I’ll do anything.” *unzips pants.

 

 

 

FANTASY TO REALITY


 

Pen drawing on three fingers to look like two women kissing one manFor most people, the desire stays in their heads – mostly because they are too nervous or embarrassed to even broach the subject with their significant other.

 

Maybe it’s because your partner seems very vanilla, and anything past the missionary with dimmed lights will send them running for the hills. Or perhaps you think it’s just too “weird”.

 

Newsflash … everyone feels like that.

 

We all have a deep seeded fear of being ridiculed and rejected. Also, not everyone has established that line of communication early on in their relationships.

 

What’s the best thing you can do?

 

TAKE THINGS SLOWLY – It all comes down to being patient, waiting for the right moment, and dropping a hint of some sort (if you think your S.O. needs the light touch). It also doesn’t need to be one, deciding conversation.

 

“NO” ISN’T THE END OF THE WORLD – Sometimes, your partner won’t be into trying it. If so, there might be another version or fantasy they can get into.

 

Communication and compromise are key.

 

What a beautiful song … Happy Friday


Simply Beautiful Music to fuck too

Happy Friday Peeps

I put these gorgeous tunes on because of many reasons they truly are exotic, erotic, beautifully sexual and all those many tones that make such passionate and intoxicating Journey of truly adoring moments made up in music that soothes the soul…

What a journey indeed found out a few things about myself and I am sure I will find many more levels of myself and those who I enjoy my life with.

Life isn’t as simple as you would think but, that is what is amazingly lovely thing about it.. it never ever seems to shock me or does it?… not like you all think..  more the fact it amazes me and I find myself pinching myself often these days…

What it does do it makes me go… wow, are you serious, I knew something was different about us or me perhaps… I do love and enjoy experiencing things that are a little out of the box it makes life so much more interesting, erotically beautiful and simply this …

We tend to think too hard in our lives how we live, what we want, when are we going to get married, have children, what are the names going to be.. get my drift…

What if we changed a few areas of our lives… become a little happier, remove the labels that sinker our souls, what if we lowered our Ego’s, what if we just loved our lives and those who want to be part of our lives?

Is that so bad?

What if we discover a journey of being free … feeling no pressure, loving people for who they are inside themselves and accepted each other with love and honesty?

What if we did all that and more?

So, I ask you, my lovely followers …. this… what if we let go of all our chains and embraced each other with pure love, honesty, and just accept each other with no blame, shame, jealousy, removed the hatred, anger, those many levels that lower our souls ..

What if we just let go.. and live a beautiful life and accept one another for their souls rather than their wallets, what they can give us.. rather what they can teach us…

Well, for me I embrace myself firstly and I will say this my journey was made from a strong female that allowed herself to let go of what was… and is looking forward to what will be.. without expectation, without judgement, with only what i can give and for that I am fortunate for my partners patience, and openness to see that I am not here to hurt him or anyone that wishes to be part of our lives.. going forward.

So, looking forward to 2019 may it be a beautiful experience for all, love Franny xxx

Oh yes enjoy my tunes…. and have a happy Friday x

If my life ends then I have lived more than I have ever lived and that I thank the Universe for allowing me this treasure and those that I have shared it with.

May each of our days be as honest and pure as it has been for these beautiful moments we share together that to me is worth more than anything else life can give.

Oh my, this song has Courtney written all over it… very similar to the same comment I put onto Jack Collins post about Angels.

Such a great song, this song and its words is exactly how I see most things these days I said a few weeks ago about similar like-minded people who are drawn to each other without their knowledge especially after they are wounded by negative surroundings that they are witness too.

These Angels then gravitate towards the same other Angels when their spirit cannot endure more so they are drawn together for reasons they are not aware of these other Angels are the cure of the hurt they endured by people who would rather turn a blind eye than challenge each other in a positive way.

After years of peoples negative behaviour the Angels then float without energy towards other Angels of the same mindset and once they meet the energy and the acceptance of their own will begin a natural accordance that starts to change within themselves they cannot help but, listen, they find it interesting, assuring and most of all their energy levels start to slowly rise in a more positive form.. then once their eyes are wide and their souls are open they begin something they cannot stop or want too.

A positive environment is alluring and desired by them … why do you think that is?

Well, simply they never expected more from one another without patience, love, and without them even seeing it – something happened.. something beautiful… something that even they didn’t expect… what do you think that was?

I believe it’s unique to those that want to here, want to believe because those chosen few and I do believe there are many out there like us… that know one day someone will find us and believe in something that we all believe in..

A beautiful beginning of endless openness without anyone expecting anything but, honesty, and pure love.

Love is many forms of many levels… the purest love is being open to believing that one day after many who have fallen will someday open up a hidden beauty about one another by just being present.

Nothing more than just being present within yourselves and with the ones that made an effort in being the best a person can be.. imperfect … just the way you are..

 

EROTIC SPANKING – HOW TO PROPERLY PADDLE THAT POSTERIOR


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For those of you who were brought up in a time or household where switches, belts, and wooden spoons were a common form of punishment, it’s understandable why the idea of spanking would be a total turn off.

But let’s make a very important distinction:

  • There is an ENORMOUS difference between spanking, erotic spanking.

One makes you want to sprint away like an Olympic contender and call social services. The other makes you want to run towards the bedroom and scream that you’ve been a bad little boy/girl.

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So, while you’re sitting there, backside tingling with anticipation or curiosity, let’s peel back the panties of this situation and have a peek…

THE CHEMISTRY AND PSYCHOLOGY OF SPANKING


 

Think of some other bedroom antics that create pain: pulling hair, running nails down the back, biting, etc.

They can hurt like hell (and often leave marks behind), so why do we savour the sensation?

The answer is simple.

 

When we’re stressed or in pain, our brains release A LOT of chemicals: endorphin, serotonin, melatonin, epinephrine, norepinephrine, and dopamine. And not just physical pain but emotional and social discomfort as well – all for the purpose of re-balancing our bodies and trying to make us feel good again.

 

One of the key players is dopamine, which is present in the body during pain AND pleasure.

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Many agree this might be one of the reasons we can combine pain and pleasure in a single situation.

 

It’s like running until your muscles flip you the middle finger but revelling in the exercise “high”. It hurts like hell, but, goddamn it, it feels good too!

Sexual peaks are (in part) achieved when blood flow increases and collects in key hot spots or erogenous zones.

 

The act of spanking can add another element of pleasure because the posterior is plentiful with nerves and right next door to the genitals. Strikes and slaps send waves and ripples through the skin and stimulate this fun area.

There are also emotional and psychological aspects of pain and pleasure.

  • Submission – giving up control to another person
  • Humiliation – a form of psychological pain
  • Sexual objectification – the sexual value of the body as an object
  • Role-playing – participating in sexual fantasies

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Now that we understand why let’s look at HOW.

PREPARING THE PADDLE


 

There is much to do before someone should even tug on panties or boxers.

 

1. Bring up the subject

 

With all healthy BDSM practices, communication is key.

Unless you’ve established ground rules beforehand, diving into Happy Slap Land is not an option.

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If your partner is more to the vanilla side or spanking hasn’t been integrated into your sex arsenal, there’s doubly more preparation involved.

Whether you do this carefully or bluntly depends entirely on you and your significant other. Hopefully, your relationship already includes talks about sexual preferences or desires. If so, you can try something like, “I hear a lot about spanking. I wonder what it would be like?” or “I’ve always wondered about (insert erotic fantasy here)”

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If your partner is already experienced in the world of kink, it might be as simple as, “God, I would love if you spanked me.”

Next, comes the ground rules. After all, this kind of antics land well past “light play”

2. Safe Words

 

No matter what kind of kink you are into, you should have a safe word.

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Why? When we are role-playing, sometimes “No”, “Don’t”, or “Stop” are part of the fantasy. However, if someone yells “PINEAPPLE!” it’s a very clear signal that play needs to stop.

 

If you’re not sure what word to choose, it can be anything that you normally wouldn’t say, something easy to remember that pulls people out of the elation and makes them re-focus.

 

Many couples opt for the “traffic light” system:

 

  • Green Give me more! I love it!
  • Yellow I’m nearing my limit. Something needs to be adjusted
  • Red STOP ALL PLAY!

 

In which case, the dominant should obey, immediately see to any emotional/physical needs or problems, and communicate with their partner.

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WARNING: someone who does not respect a safety word, is NOT someone you should play with. Healthy BDSM play should always involve respect from both sides

 

3. With great spanking comes great responsibility

If you are the Top in this delightful situation, you shouldn’t only focus on that delicious bum. You need to pay attention to their whole body.

Are they squirming like a happy worm or squirming like a worm who isn’t enjoying the experience?

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It can take time to learn your partner’s pain thresholds and familiarize yourself with their reactions. If you’re not sure, it’s OKAY to ask things like:

 

  • “Are you alright?”
  • “Do you like it?”
  • “Do you want it harder or softer?”

Communication is key, and it’s perfectly acceptable to tell each other what you like or don’t like.

 

GETTING THE SCENE READY


 

Wooden spoons that say, This Side for Scooping, This Side for SpankingThis includes anything that makes the environment and experience as pleasant as possible for both parties (including your frame of mind).

Turn off the phone

Nothing pulls someone out of the mood more than Mexican Hat Dance blasting through the room while you’re propped against the table with your underwear around your ankles.

 

Take it off

This means all rings, watches, bracelets, etc. Hitting with those is NOT fun, and nobody wants an imprint of your college football ring on their ass.

Prepare any tools

You might need. If you haven’t filled your toy chest yet, there are lots of things around the house that work just fine (spatulas, rulers, paint sticks, elastic bands, hair brushes etc).

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Of course, you will use your hands, but different tools give different sensations and there might be a couple in there that drives him/her wild. Try paddles, floggers, whips, or canes.

 

NOTE: make sure you practice with them ahead of time – on a pillow is best.

 

Don’t forget that blindfoldsrestraints, even ball gags can be added into play to spice things up even more. However, if you use a ball-gag, verbal communication won’t be possible. You will have to agree on a non-verbal form of a safe word.

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A FUN THING TO TRY: Make one partner get things ready while the other watches. Sit back with a non-alcoholic refreshment while your “spankee” scrambles to make things perfect. OR, The “spanker” could slowly put things in place while their partner sits, lies down, even kneels while awaiting the act. Anticipation can be just as sexy as the act itself.

 

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION


 

Will you begin with a hot and heavy make-out session on the sofa or grab them by the hair, pin them to the table, and go straight to business? Do you prefer the comfort of the bedroom or is the coffee table a sexy spot? Maybe restraints are on the menu.

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Whether bent over furniture, on the bed, or over your knee –anywhere is acceptable as long as both of you are comfortable and the spanker can reach key areas with ease (pillows are great for propping things up and giving support).

You also don’t have to stay in one place the entire time. Different positions will stretch or relax the skin, making each slap a different sensation.


 

We should always warm up before exercising, and the same goes for spanking. Begin with light caresses, kisses, or a message.

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When you are sure his/her ass is ready, start with some light slaps. This will get the blood flowing, skin ready, and muscles relaxed, which is essential to a pleasant experience.

 

Nothing ruins the moment more than going too hard and too fast.

 

Another thing to keep in mind is WHERE ON THE BODY to spank.

 

Always, ALWAYS, keep to the “meatiest” part of the bum (the lower part) – anywhere else risks damage and can be considered outside the “safe, sane, and consensual” rule.

 

There are a couple areas away from the golden zone that is acceptable, but you should never spend too much time there, be extra cautious, and avoid using too much power. See the picture below for a better idea honey you seem to forget when you do it vigorously….. note to self.. vigorously … I teach them over and over… moving on…

 

 

Anatomy of spanking Infographic of body parts that are safe for erotic spanking

 

NOTE: Many rules still apply when you use spanking as a BDSM punishment.

 

ONE SPANK, TWO SPANKS, THREE SPANKS, MORE!


 

When the back side is nice and pink, then it’s time to break out the big guns and really make them squeal with delight.

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HAND POSITIONS

 

Open palm with fingers together, open palm with fingers spread, cupped hand, fists. All of them create different sensations but remember to watch your partner’s reactions and adjust accordingly.

 

STINGS (SPEED & SURFACE) 

 

These are shallow strikes felt on the surface of the skin which come from fast movements confined to a small area. These burn and can leave behind lines and welts (if you do it hard enough). Toys can include canes, braided floggers, or anything that adds to velocity.

THUDS (FORCE & DEPTH) 

These are deeper strikes over a wider area and the opposite of stings. They ripple right through the muscles but may leave bruises that last longer. Accomplished by: heavier paddles, mop floggers, thick straps, or the palm of your hand.

OTHER SENSATIONS

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It doesn’t have to be something out of a corporal punishment scene – like a bad student bent over the teacher’s knee, getting a hard smacking for cheating on a test … although that can be fun too. Strikes can be mixed up with caressing, tickling, pinching, scratching, or (my personal favourite) grabbing a handful of ass right after a strike. Some paddles have a soft side you can run along the skin.

Try a rabbit fur flogger (their softness alone is orgasmic). If you’re using a hairbrush, run the bristle side along the skin.

RHYTHM

We can make all the jokes we like about percussion instruments, but spanking the derriere can be like playing the drums. Work with fast and slow strikes to change things and keep your partner on their toes (or back…or knees).

Infographic of spanking tools and the various sensations they give

 

REMEMBER:  And I will say this again and again — Watch them carefully. See what garners a positive reaction. They might exclusively prefer soft slaps, or they could revel in deep thuds. Some people enjoy a mix. Things can also change session to session.

Change is allowed. It’s all good.

The Key to Good Sex Isn’t Spontaneity – It’s Proper Planning


They say we all can turn it on, off, but do you think Spontaneous sex is best or do you think we should plan ahead?

Well, I love to be Spontaneous however, if it means I am putting on something sexy, hot, less is best kind of lingerie hotness, then yes, I need to put on a spray tan, hair, wax and shave and all those wonderful things girls love to do to be as hot as I can..

So, what does that mean?

Yes, it means Planning… for that hot sensual, passionate, erotic, hot panting, electric, energy meeting each other in the middle of the night kind of sex…

Yuppers, yes, please PLAN AHEAD..

In fact, my husband and I always say “Let’s plan”, we really need to plan, right!

So, husband, playmate, naughty man of mine… let’s plan, book a place near the water…OCEAN …. so miss the beach…. a few days in a huge house (AIRBNB always check for hidden video cameras)

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The Science Behind Sexual Satisfaction

According to a study published in The Journal of Sex Research, people who plan ahead report being more sexually satisfied than those who take a more laissez-faire attitude to get laid.

Psychologists at Ruhr University Bochum in German surveyed 966 couples about the quality of their sex lives and their personality traits.

They found that conscientious people benefited from higher sexual fulfilment and suggested that these people may benefit from longer, more fulfilling romantic partnerships. Setting time aside for intimacy could also contribute to better communication without judgment, they suggested.

Here are a few tips to help plan intimacy (and have!) better sex:

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I know, a lot of people believe scheduling a date kills all spontaneity. You plan doctor’s appointments, work meetings and happy hour with friends. Why not plan intimate time with your partner? Think back to the early days of your relationship for a second. You made plans, got dressed up and most certainly looked forward to time with your partner. I’m guessing most nights ended with sexy time, right? That build-up over dinner and a mad make-out session in the parking lot probably led to sex later at home. Bring back the (sex) date night. If you put time on the calendar to enjoy your partner, it’s hard to imagine that not having a positive impact on your relationship.

Keep It Simple

You don’t have to carve out hours on end or a plan a big, elaborate date to spark your sexual connection. Sure, it’s nice to go out for dinner or on a day trip, but if you hold out to make all the bells and whistles happen, you may miss out on some quick, fun and low-key sexy opportunities. There’s something to be said for staying in bed an extra 30 minutes or scheduling a nooner.

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Sometimes, scheduling things allows for plenty of build-up to the main event. There can be long spells between dates with me and my partners. I love the flirty back and forth in between. When we finally do get to meet, I’m hot, bothered and ready to go. We may only meet for a short date once a month, but even a few hours of togetherness leaves me looking forward to the next time.

Check Your Expectations

Be flexible with your expectations. If your scheduled sex date isn’t everything you hoped it would be, that’s OK. Just do your best to show up and focus on sensual pleasures in whatever capacity you can.

 

Make It a Regular Thing….HELL YES!!!!

Here’s one of the many magical things about sex:

  • The more you have it, the more you want it. If you make sex a consistent priority, it should only beget juicier sexual energy.
  • As far as I’m concerned, you’ll never regret kissing, touching or having more intimacy – whatever that looks like – with a partner.

If You Don’t Use It, You’ll Lose It

Sure, we can all use the, “I’m too busy” excuse. I understand.

I overcommit just as much as the next person.

The problem is that a lot of couples fall into the fatal habit of putting everything else before their sex life.cuffs

Like, it’s going to wait in the wings forever for just the right moment to make an appearance.

That’s not how it works. If you let your sex life deteriorate, it takes time to rebuild it. Even if you can’t give it your full attention, it needs some nurturing.

If you love your partner, even kissing or touching your partner with some regularity will increase your intimacy.

I find that when my partners and I engage in consistent physical touch, we are more likely to want sex.

Shift Attention When It’s Needed

If you’re having sexual issues within the context of your relationship, it can be helpful to re-prioritize your personal needs and interests, at least temporarily, and give some extra love and attention toward areas that need help.

So maybe the thought process behind spontaneity and a kick-ass sex life is backward?

Perhaps, by scheduling sex dates, you create dedicated time where you can be as spontaneous as you’d like within a set time frame?

And maybe, just maybe, when it comes to having good sex, those with the best-laid plans finish first.

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How do we Empower ourselves…


What a question… How do we Empower ourselves in believing we are Unique…

Easy, we just are…beautiful-people-quotes-3.jpg

There is no power apart from your own self.. this isn’t Ego, this isn’t Self-praise this is just simply how you see yourself and others.

Firstly, you must open your eyes, you must be totally honest about yourself and what you want, what you see, how you grow, who you want in your life…

People and positive affirmations are amazing, however, people and negative affirmations aren’t, we tend to get bogged down, doubt ourselves, we end up being miserable and sad about ourselves when those that feel the same way will, of course, have negative empowerment over you.img_4780.jpg

So, how do we do it… well, sometimes we just have to fix ourselves first, we can say how we feel, winge, moan, scream, yell, argue, bellow and continue this feeling by being right…

Or do we just go okay, let me take some time out and invest in myself and go over if I need to my past just to make sure all things are okay?

Or we go Of course they are okay because I am okay…

What I am trying to say to you is we can only change ourselves for the better make sure everything is working well, because even if it isn’t well, we certainly will make sure it is..

Our minds are the main memory of our pain, our happiness, our humour, our ups and our downs.. so why wouldn’t it be okay?

Many people including me said, but, that hurt me, and why are they mean, or perhaps my past made me strong, or I would say you dont understand who I am an what I did to be who I am…

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Guess what… so?

 

Guess what… and?

 

Guess what… are you finished with the winging and the moaning about how sad you are of yourself because something happened and I am going to find out no matter what it takes..

 

Guess what… And?

 

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Guess what… will it make a difference?

 

Guess what NO, it won’t so get over it and let it go… for whatever it was… that hurt you, that made you sad, that took something away..

 

We have all had something like this taken away…  Guess what …. Life is short and you are beautiful.. so live your life with love and get on with your beautiful journey.

 

GUESS WHAT YOU DESERVE IT…. 🙂

 

SMILE…. AND LET YOUR SADNESS GO….. LIVE, LOVE AN LET IT GO….

This is what I do… I find a video that makes me smile and think yup that is me…. in so many beautiful flavours… I am not here to change you …

I am only here to like you , love you, believe in you and never judge you, hurt you, make you sad, or anything other than happy…

So, do yourselves a favour and try and be kind to kind people because there isnt enough of us out there… xxx

So I could be your CRUSH, TOUCH, TOUCH, CRUSH xxx Keep watching the videos after it all are valid to the above post I have just posted…

When we go through any Emotional Journey My suggestion is to write it in a Blog, Journal or any source that will help you


Why?

Because you are creating a new thought a new way of thinking it is hard to hold onto something that is NEW or something that may not quite make sense…

The best solution for me was to write it down in detail I had butcher paper everywhere just to hold my thought I would have this realisation suddenly but, then forget it and go what?

So, I then decided to either write about it or then put it down… most of the time I was on my own so I had no one to talk to nut it out… writing it down was the only way I could retain my thoughts, feelings, realisations of new memory and it did work…

I had no idea I had to repeat these new thoughts, feelings, ideas of how I saw things and why I saw them.

So my suggestion is to write your thoughts down… it doesn’t matter what you think is silly or not it all will make sense later when you put them together…

Many times I thought how stupid, so I would remove my Blog post because I felt embarrassed, stupid, a bit out there.. then a few weeks would pass and I felt better about my blog and how I felt so I would put it back on my blog and perhaps say something a little more clearer…  So, try doing that.. put it down.. or write it in a journal and then you will understand.. never give up and always try … you will have good days, bad days, shitty days and extremely happy days.. but, keep doing it…

Here is my new hobby


My new hobby is listening to podcasts… let me give you all the hot tip!!

I had a mini heart attack about many things but, most of all candid peoples acceptions of what they consider is sexually okay!!

Wow, sometimes even when I think I am open minded I nearly have a heart attack and will go to extremes depending on my mood at the time… go NO WAY!!!

The thing is I love my mind I love how it goes NO, then Wow, then, it yo-yo’s out of control until it seems to go… okay I get that…not sure that is for me.. but, each to their own…

Perhaps that is my brain now and how it is wired… Sometimes, it would be nice not to fly off the handle while I do this process…

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Oh dear, me, any way you must go and listen to a few podcasts to open your mind a bit so my suggestion is that you listen to these two… 

  1.   Swingers Diaries – it is about a married American couple that is very candid and open to their own selves and I give them credit indeed.. 
  2.   Multiamory Podcast – this is very good as well both informative
  3.   My Favourite the Curious Couple – these two are pretty cool

So, check them out and have a listen with your partner and see if anyone of you Vanilla’s (me included) that finds them interesting..

http://thecuriouscouple.com/

https://swingerdiaries.podbean.com/

https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/cvscm-43f2c/Multiamory-Podcast

“A CANDII-DO”, You can reclaim ,Your Sex Life After Surviving Sexual Assault…


Hey Candii here, HERE is a little of my story and what I did to heal….

True Story I am 50 years old and to be honest I have my good days and my shit days.. but, in most my days are better than they have been in a very long time…

A very long time ago (before I met my husband) this as taken me a long time to be “out” about this as it took me a very long time to understand what Once I thought I had dealt with I really didn’t at all.

I too am a survivor of rape, sexual assault and I have to say yes, sex, love, trust, happiness, strength about yourself more importantly and those that you wish to exchange your trust with or just your husband or partner this is up to you..

I must explain further about your sexual understanding and how to overcome some ASSHOLE that took something from you all because he may have slipped a mickey in your food, drink or cracked it up while swirling it around in your Esspresso Martini???!?!?!

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These seven tips may not be for everyone, but they’re methods that I found to be indispensable in helping to make sex a fun, positive experience again.

Take as Much “Time to Heal” as you want

Prior to my attacks, I prided myself on being sex positive and adventurous a little odd, crazy, some would say stupid I grant you this however, why on earth would I give some fool that much intent of taking away my life?

Well, some did take away my life for a very long time indeed but, is it right?

 

Should they take away your beautiful nature?

Why on earth would we allow anyone to rip our hearts out and shit all over it … all because they or him or them are too smaller man to ever allow themselves a place in your heart, soul and dont think for one moment I don’t get it… I do…

So, In fact you do (when your ready) NEED to tell someone police if you wish, a therapist, doctor, a close dear friend becaue your life does matter.. and what they did or he did whoever it was NEVER allow anyone to destroy your inner spirit.

It took me a very long time to be present I was so used to sweeping my bad memories under the carpet like it was nothing but, just another day that made me feel like it was my fault..

That feeling “my fault” wow, sad hey!

Jesus, how many times I heard myself say that to me was countless, it was like me saying to god, are you punishing me, again?

So, I would think to myself alone mostly I would say, “there must be something I have to learn about me”?

Shite …. I had many moments (let’s call them that) that I said that about saying to god over and over, of course god had nothing to do with my feeling of despair about myself I was more harder on me than any person on this planet could be…

So, I guess what I am trying to say “YOUR NOT ALONE, Ladies, Men and yes, men too…”

 

How to heal your own body after sexual abuse

Everyone heals differently, I found that healing was removing it from my brain however, because I did this I never seemed to understand or see “dangers” it was a given that it would occur again and again until I was present to understanding or at least recognising moments of terror or anxiety or even those horrid moments of “Triggered them”.

Healing was in fact understanding how to recogise events that did not suit my needs and gave me alarm bells of being more present within myself, my surroundings and those I hung out with.. this took me years upon years to even notice them!

Being fun, crazy, bubbly isnt about being any of those great emotions it’s about opening your eyes to surroundings, behaviours, language and everything that you should do but, a didnt this means your alert, it means you are not being present within your ownself and you are putting your needs above all others.

And this is called growth, understanding, awareness, and finally self worth of you, so please understand you cannot heal until your worth is more important to you than any person on this planet…

Without you being worthy then you will not heal and you will repeat all those terrible things because frankly your self worth, of you isnt your priority and you MUST be present by loving yourself first..

Don’t Be Afraid to be sexual…. it is your right!!!

While many people might find solace in entering a trusting, monogamous relationship with a person who can help them explore their sexuality in a safe and patient environment, others can find that to be too big of a step to take at this stage. Making yourself open to consensual sexual experiences and being in complete control of them can be liberating as a coping method. It can also help to restore your faith and trust in sexual contact and relationships.

However, this is allowing your thoughts be free and then your trust in yourself on what you want to do either as a single girl, partnered, or experimental all these things are your life right to be a female.

Now be safe when picking a potential partner, fuck buddy, gal play mate, male play mate all the above whichever floats your boat…

Use a trusted friend that has your back or a system for yourself and even if you do meet someone make sure your with a mate that has your back or at least do it during the day in public and of course always have a back up plan if it ever goes sour…

Be Vocal About What You want, desire

Whether you’re having sex with a long term partner, a buddy, or a fun fling, you should never be afraid to speak up about what you’re enjoying and what you’re not. Take control over your body, your pleasure, and the moment by telling your lover what to do and where to do it. Tell them to stop if something feels wrong. Being demanding and domineering during sex can be insanely sexy for the person you’re doing it with. Most importantly, it gives you the chance to direct the experience in a way that’s healthy, positive and pleasurable.

DO NOT –  Apologize  (still working on this one)

The process of recovering from a sexually traumatic experience can be longer than we expect. Although we may think that we’re completely over it, sometimes the smallest thing can trigger a response that can restrict our enjoyment or desire for sex.

Personally, I’ve had entire months where I’ve not been comfortable enough to want sex, which must be tough on my long-term partner who has been nothing but patient and supportive for over 20 years that we’ve been a monogamous couple.

Our relationship from the beginning I must admit was head scratching however, kinky as it might sound (which is another post one day) there where times now looking back I must admit I should have thought twice..(get it twice – oh, never mind)

The outcome for me was me sobbing in the shower crying thinking I was a bad person and deserved the way I was being treated.. however, it wasnt bad to me I liked it I may not have understood alot about myself but, I would never had stayed if I didnt.

I am a very open honest and a little bit odd female what I like others wont.. so I can only be true to me.. and that is exactly what I love about myself..

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Remember ladies, gents… we all have the freedom and the power to say no.

If they care about you then they’ll respect and understand the nuances of the word without requiring your desire for absolution from it.

Negotiate Pleasure

This is especially important for those in a monogamous, long-term relationship with someone.

Negotiate, talk with each other, even do a contract like “50 Shades” if you wish together a list of fun, naughty, what you would do and wouldnt do and always remember to have loads of fun…..

 

Make sure you heal, be present and always, always put yourself first….this can open the doors to exploring their comfort zones and to enjoying the provision of pleasure for someone else without immediate gratification for yourself.

Be generous.

Be creative.

Be open honest and love yourself ladies, men, young women…. LOVE YOURSELF first…

Follow your instincts and you’ll be one step closer to understanding and achieving your own comfortable pleasure on a regular basis. 

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Persistence intrigued…Behaviours…in Older Adults…


Let’s discuss people and their persistence in what they do…friendship-day.jpg

I personally find it interesting, to say the least, would I call it flattering, intriguing, annoying, what is it that people are really after?

So, what pretzel is the end game… could it:

  • be an entry into clubs?
  • A connection of type casts that seem to sexually connect so well?
  • Is it that they require a female participant?
  • It could be the channels of variety is narrow? Nahhh
  • Is it better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know?
  • Safer? (god NO!)
  • Is it habitat?
  • Is it all about experimenting with someone that they know rather than what they don’t?
  • Or is it just common sense because obviously I am me and who else would you do it with?? (that was a joke)

So, what could it be that interests the opposite sex so much… it couldn’t be just sex? or could it be?

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So, what does persistence mean…. see below

In a complex dynamic world, an artificial fish should have some persistence in its behaviour, especially in its intentions, otherwise, it will tend to dither, perpetually changing its mind.

Basic persistence in the behaviours is modelled implicitly by the intrinsic ranking (prioritization) between them, the continuity in the mental state variables, and the constancy of the habits.8f108f02039f8c3068f29208bbf929c1

For instance, the collision avoidance behaviour precedes all other behaviours and once invoked, will only terminate when the collision is cleared. Once the mental state of hunger is high enough to activate the feeding behaviour, the continuity in H (in particular the internal urge component) ensures that the activation level will not drop abruptly until the fish succeeds in taking more food.

However, special attention needs to be paid to the maintenance of persistence in the case when an ongoing behaviour is interrupted temporarily. In our case, there are two possible situations where an ongoing behaviour may be interrupted:

  • it may be interrupted by a behaviour higher in the priority hierarchy triggered by some event or by an opportunity-triggered behaviour.

How can sex benefit your mental health?

Sexual activity, with a partner or through masturbation, and even playmates can provide important psychological and emotional benefits. Like exercise, sex can help reduce stress and anxiety and increase happiness.

Studies suggest that sexual activity (defined as PVI) may correlate with:

  • increased satisfaction with your mental health
  • increased levels of trust, intimacy, and love in your relationships
  • improved ability to perceive, identify, and express emotions
  • lessened use of your immature psychological defence mechanism, or the mental processes to reduce distress from emotional conflict

At an older age, sexual activity may affect your well-being and ability to think. The research found that sexually active adults between 50 to 90 years old had a better memory. They were also less likely to feel depressed and lonely.

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In men

A recent review found that men who had more frequent penile-vaginal intercourse (PVI) had less risk of developing prostate cancer.

One study found that men who averaged having 4.6 to 7 ejaculations a week were 36 per cent less likely to receive a prostate cancer diagnosis before the age of 70. This is in comparison to men who reported ejaculating 2.3 or fewer times a week on average.

For men, sex may even affect your mortality. One study that had a 10-year follow-up reported that men who had frequent orgasms (defined as two or more a week) had a 50 per cent lower mortality risk than those who had sex less often.

Although results are conflicting, the quality and health of your sperm may increase with increased sexual activity, as some research suggests.

In womencommunity_image_1423611808

Having an orgasm increases blood flow and releases natural pain-relieving chemicals.

Sexual activity in women can:

  • improve bladder control
  • reduce incontinence
  • relieve menstrual and premenstrual cramps
  • improve fertility
  • build stronger pelvic muscles
  • help produce more vaginal lubrication
  • potentially protect you against endometriosis or the growing of tissue outside your uterus

The act of sex can help strengthen your pelvic floor. A strengthened pelvic floor can also offer benefits like less pain during sex and reduced chance of a vaginal prolapse. One study shows that PVI can result in reflexive vaginal contractions caused by penile thrusting.

Women who continue to be sexually active after menopause are less likely to have significant vaginal atrophy or the thinning of vaginal walls. Vaginal atrophy can cause pain during sex and urinary symptoms.

Embarrassing things that can happen during sex


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Let’s talk about embarrassing sex moments.

We may or may not have had them but, let’s talk about them anyway for the sake of it yeah?

Having sex or making love if you like, is supposed to be a beautiful, sensual, emotional and mind-blowing experience.

While it does go like that at least most of the times, if you’re lucky to have a good partner who knows how to lay the pipe, other times, things can get a little bit embarrassing.

Let’s not pretend like we have never had embarrassing sex moments like:

1. Queefing.

Queefing is when the vagina makes a ‘fart’ sound.

However, it’s not really farting since it’s not smelly and the sound only comes out when too much air has been pumped up there and it finds its way out.

  • Queefing is caused by some sex styles like doggy and too much fingering.
  • It’s totally normal but if we are being honest, the sound can be really embarrassing especially because the minute you decide to sit properly or change positions, that’s when the sound decides to increase lol.

2. Farting.

  • Omg imagine a guy going down on you then you let out that ‘beans fart’?

I’d be mortified.

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3. Cumming after a second.

My colleague tells me it’s called ‘kuingia kama umetoka’. This is definitely embarrassing for the guy. I’m sorry but cumming after a second is not something you should be proud of.

4. Funny smells…

If you’re gonna have sex, could you at least clean your nether regions first? And if you have an infection, do get checked because, while a vagina is not supposed to smell like roses, it should also not smell like fish.

The same applies to men, clean up, please.

I think if someone removed the underwear and the whole room smelt like soaked beans water or like rotten fish, that would ruin the moment no?

 

5. Weird positions.

When you decide to try one of those positions you saw on Porn Hub or some porn site but the utambi and the way your bodies are set up just won’t allow. So, you find yourselves coiled in a really awkward position panting and sweating on each other…

6. The bed breaking.

Well, that would be awkward.

7. Someone walking in on the two of you getting your coitus on.

8. Weird noises.

Some men will be the most mafia looking, guys, you have ever seen, but when they’re cumming, they suddenly sound like cats meowing.

Oh, not so mafia anymore huh?

 

9. Vomiting.

Sometimes, shit hits the fan. You’re giving a random blow job and the next thing you know; vomit all over. This especially happens if the guy is too aggressive, pushing your head up and down as you give him a blow job.

 

10. Talking dirty gone wrong.

Remember that scene on Trainwreck the movie when John Cena and Amy Schumer were having sex and she told him to talk dirty to her but John got it all wrong and we ended up having one of the most awkward and hilarious sex scenes in TV history? Yeah, so if you can’t talk dirty the right way, just don’t.

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11. Lack of erection.

Imagine just standing there with your soft piece of meat as your lady begs for some mind-blowing coitus? Wololo yay!

12. Putting it in the wrong hole.

 

 

 

13. Shitting.

Don’t act like it’s not possible. Ask those who like anal sex.

 

14. And speaking of anal sex, having anal sex when you haven’t douched properly.

Eish that condom will come out with the last meal you had why lie?

15. Shouting the wrong name during sex.

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What are the top 3 items on your Sex-Bucket-List?


'Sex-of-Touch'

Bucket lists are the in-thing these days as people try to make the best of their lives before they die.

For many people, the childhood dreams which growing up has shelved are the most important items on their bucket list.

Many go for adventures, do daring things, travel, misbehave and a whole of other things – including sex.

Now, talking of sex, what would a typical SEX bucket list look like?

If a billionaire were to give you a sheet of paper and a pen and asks you to write the 3 most important sexual experiences you want to have before you die, telling you that you can have them at no cost to you, what would those things be?

People who have been prudes will have a long list of mundane things like oral sex, bondage sex or sex at a public space while the ‘bad boys’ and girls’ may go overboard for sex with animals, same-sex sex and extreme bondage sex.

'Sex-of-Touch'

For Wanda, the list is quite a simple affair:

  1. A threesome involving two girls of different races (only one penis needed to captain the ship).

  2. Sex with a total stranger (female!), with both of us blindfolded, never to meet again

  3. Sex with an Arabian diva on one of the Egyptian Pyramids with the sun blazing and tourists passing nearby'Sex-of-Touch'

Now, that would be some awesome list to cross out in a single week – go to Brazil for number one, move to Germany for number two and do number three in Egypt.

So what is your list like?

SWINGER DIARIES Have we got a story for you…


While you read this click onto their podcast below and listen easily to listen to and very informative about this lifestyle.. I enjoyed listening you should give it a go

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https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-cj3xn-88ce5b

About Paige and Penn

Penn and Paige are a mid-forties swinging couple living in the midwest. We have been in the swinging lifestyle since 2010 and host a podcast that seeks to inform, educate and expose people to the joys and benefits of swinging and to record a journal of a few of our sexy experiences.
As a committed faithful, loving couple with a large family, a fulfilling and strong 20 year marriage, and a happy, contented sex life, a few years ago we stumbled on Desire Resort in Riviera Maya Mexico and were exposed to a sexy new world that slowly changed our lives.
After many visits to that amazing place, and countless thrilling friendships, we were coaxed into the lifestyle by the sincerity, charm, playfulness, and genuine sex appeal of the fantastic people called swingers. Over time, this excitement crept into our everyday lives and now through new friends, clubs, parties, and dates, we live a closeted but very active swinging lifestyle.
We are deeply in love. We were high school sweethearts that have never lost our teenage crushes on each other and this wild adventure has made our passion for each other even more intense.
Come along for the ride. You’ll find our Swinger Diaries podcast on iTunes, PodBean, Stitcher or wherever you get your podcasts.

A very unique and interesting Podcast that you should listen too these two are a married couple who podcast very vivid and open couple that talk about swinging lifestyle..

Have a listen and below is a little bit about the podcast

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As avid podcast listeners, we never understand why lifestyle podcasters think people would be interested in hearing their version of yet another “Here’s what we did on our vacation” recap which is a format we find to be desperately tired and overdone.

After all, who wants to hear about the mundane details of someone’s travel experience? Does anybody really like looking at other peoples’ vacation photos?

Of course not. As a result, we prefer to structure our show so that the events described have a purpose for listeners and produce a lesson or a moral that we’ve learned. We aspire to make our podcast’s content evergreen so it can be used as a resource for others and not just for our own selfish memories and musings. However, we just returned from two very interesting events and, at our listeners’ request, we are compelled to share some of our insights and observations about the Friction hotel takeovers and the New York City lifestyle club scene.

After reviewing our adventures over the past month, we dive into our questions. We discuss what, if anything, is so fun about flipping vanillas.

Then Penn gets on his soapbox for a rant about whether or not singles in the lifestyle can be considered swingers.

Finally, we take listeners’ advice about the best ways to spot other swingers in vanilla settings and make a call to all swingers to reclaim the use of the black ring to identify ourselves to each other.

From the beginning of our swinging career, we have always insisted on a very clear boundary between our swinging activities and our vanilla life. To preserve our privacy and anonymity, we regularly travel for our sexy fun. We promised ourselves from the start that we would never allow those two parts of our lives to mingle… well, except this one.

This episode’s diary story is the memory of what happened when we broke our own rule and allowed our two parallel worlds to mix for just a few hours.

As avid podcast listeners, we never understand why lifestyle podcasters think people would be interested in hearing their version of yet another “Here’s what we did on our vacation” recap which is a format we find to be desperately tired and overdone.

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This episode’s diary story is the memory of what happened when we broke our own rule and allowed our two parallel worlds to mix for just a few hours.

The 10 kinds of Men’s Mamouth Members… women love


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There are different kinds of dicks and they provide women with different levels of pleasure,

Not all penises are the same, and not all of the pleasure a woman the same way.

There are different kinds offering different levels of pleasure.

Lovepanky reveals what women love and why.

1 The Grower. We all know this as one of the two most-prominent classifications of the penis. This is the more discreet type, because you never know just how long and big it can go unless you go all the way with the guy.

At first, it might seem small, but rub it just a little and it grows 2 to 3 times its flaccid size. Magic!

2 The Shower. These are those dicks that seem mighty impressive and imposing even while in pants. The shower types are really showy, but when they get hard, the initial size and length aren’t any different.giphy (5).gif

3 The Banana. Well, the name is a giveaway. This kind of monkey pole is shaped and bent just like a banana. They may be dangling straight out when flaccid, but when they get hard, they bend down. This may make it appear small, but try it out for size; you might be surprised by how perfectly it rubs against your clitoris, and even your G-spot, with every thrust.

4 The Thor. This penis isn’t all big and ripped like the comic book hero. We called this penis type Thor because it’s shaped like a hammer. The head is big and the shaft is small, like a mushroom. This dick is perfect for touching the entirety of your vaginal walls—and, with shallow thrusts, your G-spot.

5 The Shroom. The mushroom manhood looks much like The Thor, but with more, shall we say exaggerated features. It is typically smaller in size, and the head is more rounded, like an umbrella or a mushroom cap. To get the most of it, you’d better opt for doggy to allow for deeper thrusting, while making the base gratifyingly rub against your clitoris.

6 The “S.” This is a seemingly slithering purple monster because it bends to one side and the other in an “S” shape. Despite its distorted shape, don’t write off this schlong as a freak of nature, because it may just make you a freak in bed. Depending on him and how he can make the most of his package, you can achieve “O” due to the tingling effect this shape brings.

7 The Chode. Wider than it is long, it is the Danny DeVito of penises. But don’t be turned off by this stump just yet. Though it can be very wide and typically stands at 4 to 5 inches, it can be very pleasurable, as it will satisfactorily fill every nook and cranny of your vagina. With deep thrusts, you can achieve maximum climax with this little fellow. Just be sure to have enough lubrication.

8 The Pencil. This love rod is, indeed, as straight as a rod. It appears straight and slim like a pencil. Its head is also almost the same width as the shaft, making it look very sleek and elongated. While this can be long, “wide” ladies won’t get much of that friction they need to get off. It can also poke your cervix, making sex painful. A woman on top and spooning are good positions.

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9 The Carrot. The Carrot is perhaps the most desirable penis for women. It is slim in the end and gradually becomes thick at the base. The head is smaller and the shaft is bigger, forming a soft triangular shape that gives gradual pleasure to any woman in any position. Penetration is easy and sleek, but as the stiffy goes in deeper, the “ooh la la” sensations increase.

10 The Angry Wrestler. This penis seems angry when erect because it has veins popping out all over it. It looks veiny, but a sexier way to put it is “angry.” So this angry old chap can turn you on as you take in the veins lining up its length. There’s something primal and raw about this member, and you may even feel a slight, yet surprisingly awesome-feeling, throbbing of the veins inside you, giving you a subtle vibrating effect.

Why women love your penis just the way it is

It is a known fact that men are weirdly obsessed with their penises. They worry about the size, shape and even girth.

We have news for you: if your woman keeps coming back for more, even though you find your penis unappealing, it might be because she loves it for the reasons below.

MensHealth presents the hidden benefits of the ‘imperfect’ penis below;

Penis Predicament: Too Smallgiphy (1)

The Advantage: There are two positives to having a small dick. One, it may make anal easier on her. And two, it can make her more enthusiastic about oral sex.

“I love anal, but I’ll only have anal with small guys because I’m not a freaking masochist,” says Michele, 37.

And small wieners are easier to fellate. “Giving a normal size penis a blow job is hard on your neck, jaw, and lips,” adds Michele. “But I can go down on my small guy for as long as it takes.”

Penis Predicament: Too Thick

The Advantage: Your massive man-meat may intimidate her at first. But if you spend enough time in foreplay, not only can you fit, but you may actually feel better to her.

Girth is perhaps the most important part of the penis when it comes to pleasure in women. More girth leads to more vaginal satisfaction, as the extra girth increases pressure on the vagina walls.

Amy, 34, couldn’t agree more. “The first time I saw my boyfriend’s penis—it was like water-bottle thick—I said, ‘No way is that going inside me,’” she says. “Then once we eased it in, it was the best feeling ever.”

7 types of the vagina and how you can enjoy them.


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Not all vaginas are the same.

 

Even though some of you have had a lot of sexual partners, you might not have had a taste of all the delicacies out there.

Each vagina type has its benefits, so read on to know how to have a good time when you encounter them.

1. The tight vagina:

  • Some women are naturally tight, no matter how many sex partners they have had. Men that find it difficult to last long in bed will need to be extra careful here, as this vagina is capable of massaging every inch of your dick and literally squeeze the man juice out of you within seconds.

2. The Loose vagina:

  • If you are very well endowed and women are uncomfortable having sex with you, perhaps you need a woman with a loose vagina. This does not automatically mean she is a slut, by the way, as once again, some things just happen naturally. Big-dicked men will finally feel at home with this woman.

3. The fat-lipped vagina:

  •  This is capable of providing an extra cushion for your junk. Although, most men find it visually appealing but encounter not much difference during penetration itself. But if you are into giving oral sex, then this might be the best kind for you.

4. The bony vagina:

  • Skinny or petite women are usually this way. It can feel really snug around your dick, but some men report that having their sensitive part come in contact with hardness can be offputting.

5. The shaved vagina:

  • This is the favourite of most porn lovers. It can be pretty hot to see all of it, and it is easier to make your way around. Perfect for men who love kinky sex and would rather not spend time guessing.

6. The unshaved vagina:

  • This vagina belongs to a woman who is proud of her body and has no desire to groom just for sex. Guys do not really have a problem with it, as it is just one more hurdle towards the promise land. But keep in mind that it could be harder to reach her sensitive areas if it is all covered in hair.

7. The perky-clit vagina:

  • There is no guessing game when it comes to finding her clitoris as it is always erect and protruding. If you are obsessed with getting your woman to cum, go for this kind.
  • Their orgasms are usually easier to achieve an extremely intense.

What is Sex Therapy?


Sex therapy is a type of talk therapy that’s designed to help individuals and couples address medical, psychological, personal, or interpersonal factors impacting sexual satisfaction.

The goal of sex therapy is to help people move past physical and emotional challenges to have a satisfying relationship and pleasurable sex life.

For a sexual person it’s a belief of understanding yourself first and being true to your feelings this isn’t about staying inside the box of life it is about doing the opposite of it.. Franny x

How does sex therapy work?

Sex therapy is like any type of psychotherapy!

You treat the condition by talking through your experiences, worries, and feelings.

Together with your therapist, you then work out coping mechanisms to help improve your responses in the future so that you can have a healthier sex life.

During your initial appointments, your therapist will either talk with just you or with you and your partner together. The therapist is there to guide and help you process your current challenge:

  • They are not there to take one person’s side or to help persuade anyone.
  • Also, everyone will keep their clothes on. The sex therapist will not be having sexual relations with anyone or showing anyone how to have sex.

With each session, your therapist will continue to push you toward better management and acceptance of your concerns that may be leading to sexual dysfunction. All talk therapy, including sex therapy, is both a supportive and educational environment.

It’s meant to provide comfort and encouragement for change.

If your therapist suspects the dysfunction you’re experiencing is the result of a physical sexual concern, they may refer you to a medical doctor.

Your therapist and the doctor can consult about your signs and symptoms and work to help find any physical concerns that may be contributing to greater sexual problems.

Many people want to know what sex therapy is, and how it differs from general therapy.

They should specialize to treat specific sexual disorders, situations and problems in an integrated manner with other therapeutic techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, psychodynamic therapy, mindfulness meditation and systems therapy.

Seek your doctor as your therapist should only be able to discuss your personal, sexual problems between both of you or if you prefer one on one counselling.

Anything that has to do with perscription help or personal health with your sexual organs I would suggest you seek help from your doctor.

 

The below has a link that discusses the rest below – not written by me

Performance Anxiety while Dating and/or in Relationships

For single and newly single men the dating world poses challenges in what men feel is expected of them. The culture pressures them to be ready willing and able to have sex whenever a partner expresses the interest and consent. For men in committed relationships, the anxiety to fulfil what a partner is desiring can have a domino effect over time and lead to sexual avoidance. Learning how to express one’s needs, fantasies and desires can be challenging in these situations. Sex Therapy can address these and help people overcome these concerns.

Erectile Dysfunction

There are several causes to ED including medical, pharmacological, intrapersonal (issues relating to your own psyche) and interpersonal (patterns between partners). Many times the domino effect of ED is sexual avoidance with his partner. This then has the next domino effect of the partner experiencing a wide array of reactions including concerned, rejected, lonely, sexually frustrated, angry and avoidant themselves. The impact on your relationships(s) can cause tremendous anxiety and strife.

Uncontrolled (Premature) Ejaculation

For some men, the ability to control when they want to climax can cause dissatisfaction and disappointment for themselves and their partners.

Inhibited (Delayed) Ejaculation

The difficulty to climax with a partner can cause rifts with partners and most men don’t feel it’s an issue until they’re in a long-term committed relationship and their partners are feeling anxious, rejected, frustrated, and/or worried about becoming pregnant if that is one of their long-term goals.

Past Childhood Abuse or Trauma

One’s sexual history involving abuse, rape or boundary crossings can have a profound effect on one’s current and future relationships. Sex Therapy is an integral part of a person’s and/or couple’s recovery.

Out of Control Sexual Behavior

One can feel the compulsion to watch porn for so many hours that it interferes with their professional or personal functioning or can’t stop pursuing hookups for the sake of the thrill or high. Sex Therapy takes into account the behaviour and the underlying reasons into the multi-axial assessment and treatment.

Sex Therapy Issues With Which Women Seek Treatment with Sari Cooper & CLS Therapists:

Low Libido

One of the most common problems women bring into sex therapy is lack of desire. This may be due to medical issues, side effects from medication, hormonal changes and/or complex issues in one’s relationship. Sex therapy looks at all the layers that affect this presenting issue.

Pain During Intercourse

At CLS we do a thorough biopsychosocial assessment and work with other healthcare providers to help women get a proper diagnosis and treatment for their Genito Pelvic Pain/Penetration Disorder including Vulvodynia, Vaginismus, and /or Sexual Aversion.

Past Childhood Abuse or Trauma

One’s sexual history involving abuse, rape or boundary crossings can have a profound effect on one’s current and future relationships. Sex Therapy is an integral part of a person’s and/or couple’s recovery.

Inability to Orgasm

The inability to reach orgasm (Inorgasmia) can be a frustrating experience for a woman and her partner (if she’s in a relationship). We work on this issue with both the woman and her partner so that both are educated and supported during the treatment.

Sex Therapy Issues With Which Adults Seek Treatment with Sari Cooper & CLS Therapists:

Sexual Avoidance

Although some couples have a terrific bond and relationship outside the bedroom, many times they come to feel like platonic roommates. The thrill of seductions, the excitement of passionate play has been stripped of the relationship. We work with couples to explore the timeline of the changes or the milestones that may have contributed to the shift. At times the avoidance is due to deeper issues in a partner’s history or a couple’s initial non-verbal contract.

Discrepant Desire

A common difficulty occurs when partners have different needs or desires in the frequency of sexual connections.

Infidelity/Affair Recovery

The discovery of an affair or cheating incident wreaks havoc on a couple and is experienced as a crisis in their relationship and family. We at CLS are trained to help a couple works on the recovery of trust but also address the challenges to their intimate life.

Lack of Technique as a Lover

Due to one’s cultural, religious or at times psychological reasons, a person may not have a lot of experience with a partner and this make affect their confidence in dating or at the beginning of a relationship. Therapists teach clients through resources and home play assignments to be watched, read and/or practised between therapy appointments. We also focus on the cultural myths that may be impeding one’s exploration of one’s sexuality.

Kink related Issues

Whether one is interested in lighter power exchange or more intense BDSM type play in your sexual relationship, a person often has difficulty discussing these types of desires and or fantasies with their partner/spouse. Sex therapy sessions allow for a neutral well-trained therapist to lead the discussion and offer education and resources to a couple or individual.

Non-Monogamous Relationships

Sometimes a couple would like to negotiate or re-negotiate their monogamy contract to include other partners. These conversations can be challenging given the fears and jealousy partners may experience in branching into a new type of relationship openness. CLS therapists are trained to offer guidance and perspective on the non-monogamy issues and boundaries that need to be discussed, possible challenges and how this fits into their developmental stage as a couple.

Treatment

CLS are experienced therapists and are sensitive to the needs of LGBTQ clients and their partners. Sari and her team use a variety of approaches with their clients in therapy depending on the issue they are looking to address. Some of these theoretical techniques include:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
  • Psychodynamic Psychotherapy
  • Family Systems Therapy
  • Mindfulness
  • Sensate Focus
  • Body-Focused Play

FURTHER INFORMATION CLICK HERE

Wife Swap – First time for both have a listen to this couple from The Curious Couple podcast


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Podcast above – if you wish to listen to this married couple who had their first wife swap..

My take on what the couple discussed on the podcast

This couple discusses a Swingers Club, which is called Collette, in Dallas, they talk about their FIRST FULL SWAP, at this club, I will put pictures and what this club is about on this post for you to view.

They describe together the club that has porn room, strippers pole, looks like a dance club, so the feel of the place seems very into each other which is obvious as it is a swingers club.

They continue to discuss that each time they go the crowd is a little different each time which would be about right really, the wife was pretty excited to meet like-minded people that can have the same discussion with like-minded others.

This would be very interesting as she describes in details about a couple they met had been living and loving this lifestyle for over 7 years which interested both of them and being able to talk to others about sex, this lifestyle and having a similar if not the same like with those that live in this lifestyle so as you would image the curious couple where very opened eyed in a club that was opening ideas and obviously wide-eyed to the openness of couples being so open and friendly.

It is very interesting as the husband talks about as he enters the club with his wife it was like walking with the cute girl on his arm he had noticed that all eyes were on them both and he says with a chuffed laugh, saying it was pretty cool walking in knowing my wife has so many couples checking her out… very interesting listen as he states how proud of himself and his surprise of his wife being this door prise.Semi-Private Play Rooms

He continues to talk about being with this couple on the couch and states about the wife of the other couple is beautiful and blonde and how she goes down on him and then notices the husband going down on her and frankly this is a straight swapping moment of being separated even though they where with each other both really not.. He states his hesitance or more strange feeling of wanting to make sure his wife was okay and the emotion was separate but together they both describe the experience by saying it was scary, excited, nervous and intense.. moment of an unusual experience of being together and intensely getting turned on because it was totally separate apart from each other.2nd Floor Dance Area

The wife states that it was an odd experience but, they seem to be okay with both intensely about to have sex separately, however, together on the couch together.. so they ask each other if it was okay to have sex with this couple separately with husband and wife…

So in the meantime, before they both really could take at the moment they had noticed that they had other couples peering over them watching this couple about to have sex with this hot couple…Main Floor


My thoughts of the experience

ALrightie, let’s just recap on this experience that this couple talks about this experience.. sigh, hmm, my god, hmm, to me I am unsure on what this really looks like or perhaps would actually think I would do such a thing in fact I know I couldnt do this…. I would loose it…

Personally, I doubt very much my marriage would survive such an event without us having a huge argument later and I also do believe that we wouldn’t last very long in our marriage to survive it..

To me even though that was with each other .. they really were not with each other…so really in my thoughts it was cheating….  perhaps I am being a little intense but, I am thinking if my husband was with another and I was with another male without him being with me or visa versa… I would not feel comfortable and I may as well be single..

I love exploring sexual understanding with my husband and if I did do anything it would only be with him as a married couple understanding ourselves and whoever if we did bring someone into our life… it would be private… not for social network bullshit….

My life is simple…. and it is private and no ones business…. that above isnt my life nor I believe would be ever on my pages…. or in the horizon of  supreme experiences ever……

No offense… I just love my marriage more.. than 2 degrees of separation for some quick whoopie over couples being bored…

I have more respect for my husband and my marriage..

Candii xx

https://coletteclubs.com/

The Curious Couple PodCast


https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-8yhjp-4b410ce

This particular podcast is very good to listen regarding the first threesome that leads them both into the lifestyle of being interested in going to a swingers party.

Both are married and seem very happy below is a bit about these two very cool individuals I thoughouly enjoyed listening to the above podcast and they go into this threesome which was an FFM.

The wife says on the podcast, with a bit of a giggle saying to her husband, “I think I am a lesbian”, which I do believe she meant bisexual.

About the couple

We are a 30-something couple with a curiosity for adventure.  We got started down this path early in our relationship as we were learning about one another.  We found a unique level of comfort and acceptance as we talked about our likes, dislikes, thoughts, desires and fantasies.  This open communication has continued and brought us closer as you can easily hear in our communication on the podcast. We hope to continue to nurture our relationship and share our adventures with our audience as we explore the swinging lifestyle together.

My View on this podcast – which I do advise you to listen to a very good podcast

Personally, I do believe once you do start to dive into the fantasy going into real can lead to doing exactly what the above couple did and I don’t have any problem with how they ended up at a swingers club and both being very honest and very into each other comfortable as they talk about their experience.

However, as the wife is talking she does state that men were a no-go zone for herself and she had a few areas of nerves and not really into it… And, I do believe I get that as well.

However, she is very reserved about men touching her and as you listen to her conversation I think they are very honest, and I think she feels uncomfortable at this stage with men.

Personally, I would feel the same about a stranger and having someone touch me I believe that even though I am very open to experiences I do have reservations about people who I have not spent enough time to understand them and that is just me. 

I think that my past has nothing to do with this feeling I just wouldnt be easily available to men wanting this… I have think radar always have I can search a room read their body langage and totally know whether they are interested or not.. most men are.. I am really not sure what that is and why that is but, it is what it is…

Interesting listen, Candii x

 

 

 

Coming out as a Cross Dresser


Hey, Candii here,

Here are a few truths about crossdressers, my first callers in selling lingerie especially bodystockings, many heterosexual men seem to adore it the problem that I see is that many wives are not aware of this which brings me to asking why?

Is it because the man is scared of his wife finding out about his kink in case she accuses him of being gay, bisexual, weird, freak?

What do you think it is?

I think we all are in a bubble at times and we are so damn hard wired to thinking in such an old traditional and unconventional manner as being stuck in a bubble and our society seems stale, inadequate, homophobic, and simply simple-minded.

Wake up Society we seem to overlook Religious Catholic priest who get away with molesting children, however, we still go to church?

Go figure..!! 

Our wiring is so disabled and so old fashioned and so closed minded even us as partners are unaware of each others needs…

we really need to open our minds and be alot more nicer and modern with the times we are creating robots female to have sex with humans.. and that seems normal to you?

Seriously, dont you think our behaviours for 2018, seems closed up to moving forward but, still we move forward but, we seem to side step the real issues…

How about our homeless?

How about our ages care?

How about our kids whose both parents are working and we still ask ourselves why our kids have mental health issues?

People who hide habits or parts of their personality from their partner often do so out of fear of being judged or losing love or respect. Sometimes, if they own up, they do risk ruining their relationships, however being real about who we are can also force us to face the fallacies of our own assumptions.

Take, for instance, the call I received some months ago from a woman who arrived home unexpectedly one afternoon to discover her husband dressed in women’s clothes, wearing a wig and make-up. She was devastated because they have been married for several years and she was totally unaware of his habit.

When she confronted him he told her that he was too scared to tell her for fear of rejection and he thought he might just hide it from her. She could not cope and called me in total despair. Cross-dressers are usually heterosexual men who like to dress up in women’s clothes. They discover their need to cross-dress during childhood starting out by dressing up in their sister’s or mother’s clothes. They soon find out that it is not accepted and are told to stop it. They feel ashamed, become secretive and try to suppress their feelings and their desire to cross-dress.

Later in life the issue can cause a lot of distress because often they are not sure how to cope. A lot of questions and worries persist and for each person it is a different story.

There are also many misconceptions about men who cross-dress, such as:

1. They are gay.

Cross-dressers are not necessarily gay. The incidence of homosexuality or bisexuality among cross-dressers is same as in the population in general.

  1. They don’t like women.

They do. Most men who cross-dress are married.

  1. They do it for sexual gratification.

Although cross-dressing is a sexual fetish for some, the vast majority of men do not experience any arousal as a result of cross-dressing. It is simply the exploration of feminine self-expression. Some men find that cross-dressing makes them feel relaxed and helps them with stress.

4. They always wear women’s clothes.

Not true. Most may only dress up occasionally — some men often wear women’s underwear under their clothes.

5. They can be “cured”.

There is no cure as it is not an illness but a “state of being”.

For both the cross-dresser and his family, it is not an easy thing to deal with and it is very common to experience a sense of despair.

My client loves her husband and does not want to leave him. After some counselling sessions with both of them they have reached a level of compromise. For now, he will only cross-dress occasionally when she is not home and she needs some time to adjust to this newfound knowledge about her husband.

It is essential for a family member to become informed and educated by reading relevant literature to understand and come to terms with such a challenging situation. Professional counselling is a valid consideration but there are also more cost-effective options.

There are several support and social groups for cross-dressers and their family. The Seahorse Society has branches in NSW, Queensland and Victoria, The Chameleon Society in WA and the Carousel Club in SA.

The members are familiar with the issues that arise and can share their experience and offer practical advice.

Cross-dressing should not be mixed up with being transsexual or transgender, i.e. a person who is an individual with a gender identity which is not consistent with his or hers assigned gender.

It is my job as a counsellor to normalise the situation for each individual and work with them to find out what it means to them and why it is causing difficulties in their life and relationships.

 

 

 

 

Coming out as a cross-dresser to your partner can be both an exciting and terrifying moment at the same time. Whatever your specific case is, there is one thing that is true no matter the situation: the relationship dynamics will change. That is why it’s so important for you two to work things out and figure how to cope and how to keep a healthy relationship. The first thing, as usual, is my number one recommendation: be as honest as possible and be in constant communication with each other. I promise is possible to have a healthy and great heterosexual relationship as a crossdresser!

In can be somewhat challenging balancing work, kids (if you have them), chores, errands, and time to have sex and crossdress. So a little planning will be key. Don’t ever take your relationship for granted! Make sure that each of you takes time and effort into the relationship so it can continue to grow and evolve. Keep in mind trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, so if you can’t trust them or talk to them freely, it may be time to reconsider some things, if you know what I mean. And remember, if one of you, or you both are having trouble with the coming out part, go to therapy! It’s healthy, worth the investment and better in the long term, pinky swear. Remember we are not perfect and we need guidance plenty of times in our lives in order to be the best version of us and live a happy and successful life (ok, pep talk over, you can go on now)

You know how I’m always saying honesty it’s important? If your feelings or sexuality are changing over time, you need to let your partner know about them. This can range from wanting to explore other things, increase your boundaries or even thinking about transitioning, talk about it with your partner. As for the woman, consider and think if you are having any concerns or even pent-up jealousy or resentment towards your partner to ensure you don’t blow up one day because your husband has better dresses than you. Both deserve to be in the best relationship you can! Consider the other person’s feelings, be open and remember they love you and care for you. And don’t forget to breathe, it will make things easier.

Try to have at least one night a week reserved to explore each other, either sexually and/or personally (talk about your feelings). That is why it is a good idea to have one day a week reserved for a date night. If you guys don’t have much time, you can make one day a week designed to explore physically and keep notes during the week for the other to read. Kind of like a diary where you are writing about your feelings, desires, concerns, expectations, etc. This can also make things easier if you are somewhat afraid or intimated of expressing things out loud; sometimes it’s easier to write down things on paper (or a text, or an e-mail,…) than voicing them, right? Scheduling ahead will also be key in order not to miss the opportunity, so write it down on your calendars or make it “Tuesday dates” or whatever works for you. Remember this whole process is about finding out what works for both of you and your particular relationship. Good luck.

Happy Partners… What are my tips…


Here are some tips from me Candii,

How to have a happy husband, ladies you may not like what I am about to say but, this is clear as crystal for you all.

If your husband isn’t happy you must think about why?

Think back to when you both first met each other, what was it that you liked about him, was it his strength, handsome looks, personality, was it his beautiful manner, was he a great listener, was he a good boy, bad boy, what did you love about your man…

Now, think about you in 2 years time is he still happy, are you both giving towards each other?

If in 2 years time your both arguing, or perhaps a few areas a lagging behind what is it that has changed?

Now apart from agressive behaviour, abusive manner, bad behaviour isn’t and will never change because that isnt an area within a 2 year time frame this kind of behaviour should be tolerated by either parties male or female, now that is out of the way… lets get back to what I am trying to say…

So, when we meet our potential partners we have to remember what makes us as partners women amazing..  now, this is the part I really cannot tell you how important this area is… our men our gorgeous hard working, beautiful men are your compliment to a successful partnership.. we as women should “NEVER”, EVER”, make our partners less than what you first saw in each other…

Which means.. we do not degrade our partners, make them feel less worthy than ourselves, WE ALWAYS respect, love, care, nurture, support and communicate with our best intentions.  why?

Because this is exactly what we would want them to do with us?, Right?

We do not detach and remove our partner’s balls… it’s their balls…  It is a man’s birthright to have them NOT Ours…

So, ladies, this is your first mistake if you are dominating towards your partner, If he isn’t helping you discuss it with him, communicate with him but, never demand from someone that you would not want from yourself.

Men’s Health – Reminder

Our men are silent suffers they seldom cry, they never show too much emotion, they keep most of their business to themselves.. they work every day if at home, work, around the house they normally are pretty business dudes..

The emotions these men have are mostly deep inside themselves because that is what they have been brought up to be MEN, so be mindful, of them and be kinder to them we wouldn’t have our children if it wasn’t for these men and if you love, care and respect them they will treat you the same and always keep open that communication with him.

Being mindful is the least of what us as females should do.. we are not princesses, queens, nor are we the bitch in the block with his cock!

If you wish to be this person then expect an angry lifestyle and a dissatisfied life, be openly honest, and loving, always vocalise how you feel to him because our feelings are valid, required, needed, not doubting that.. this, however, is about men…

Many men suffer and many men hurt themselves by drinking, cheating, hurting, yelling, this is because either they cannot realise their inner feelings because we have not allowed them to use their voice in such a manner..

I feel we discount them and should actually embrace them more because they are pretty special dudes and to have them means your a pretty special chick to have them… open up, nurture your needs be mindful it is a two-way street…

he is not your daddy unless that is a sexual roleplay 🙂

BAD BOYS

There are many levels of the above title and let me give you ladies the hot tip – old saying if you cannot hold your own self in a sand pit get the fuck out..  You have no business in the sand pit if you are going to change him, own his balls, demand or even dictate.

They will bolix you and you better understand if you cannot take it don’t give it..

Personally, I do enjoy a bit of a badly behaved boy because they are playful, naughty, push my buttons and I do enjoy it.. However, I can take it on many levels…

I am a rebellious woman with a soft, medium, loud, naughty, stubborn, and many other levels, however, I too can be annoying, a pest, brat, and sometimes selfish, which isn’t great but, it is me.. so those boys who like me will tolerate it and probably tell me to shut the hell up, which would be correct most of the time..

However, I would never, ever want to change my partner for the world.. more than I want to see him happy, achieve many things in this life, have great mates, and grow with him on a respectful, playful and fulfilling level going forward.. that is the key you know having an amazing life together and enjoying it with him.. or her…

Sexual fulfilment, happy children, empowered teenagers, always remember it is a two way street with each other… open up your mouth, and communicate, remove and work on your insecurities if you have them, communicate how you both feel and always, always be open to listening your might surprise yourself.

Try to not say NO….. and ask more what each other wants out of this limited short life… both of you can have the most amazing journey going forward by just being able to do the above… 05371ac0c9859eabefaef5f333707213

Be kinder, be open, be mindful, be respectful, be loving, be adventurous, be sexual, be the best you both can be and give each other a break from time to time..

Our minds are hard-wired in an old belief…. which in most cases isn’t working for most marriages… and in most cases it is…

Would you both prefer holding yourself up…. or is it your job to hold everything up?

Think about that before you whine about one another…

What do you do with your partner that isn’t about you?

And how many times do you say no to each other?

 

 

 

 

Dressing For Sex


 

How important is dressing up for Sex?

To me, it’s very important to my partner who I want to impress and get turned on and obviously for me as well because it seems to alter my mindset and it seems to do a lot of things..

If I am having a full on chat with my partner because let’s face it in Sex play its about the mind, the behaviour, the mindset of wanting to have sex and of course a positive outcome of doing this.

So, what do we do?

Well, we communicate a lot we discuss many factors especially when you want your sexual needs met and of course his as well..   It has a very important factor in sex play and how a night goes with your partner or even playmates.

Having sex isn’t just having sex.. its about many factors if you want more from each other its about setting the scene, the minds of those your teasing and pleasing and of course your own..  

For me I have a very vivid, open, and it seems very vast mindset when it comes to curiosity of sex, how it looks, what it feels like, how far I can go… our minds are the most important sexual organ in both sexes we want to be turned on, we want to be teased and challenged, we want our limits pushed, let’s face it why wouldn’t you?

Many would not agree with me.. however, If I asked you seriously do you love having good sex?

what is it that is good sex to you?

If you look at this picture below what do you see?

I see very dominant women on top of a male .. now this isn’t submissive at all this is a woman who put on an outfit to do exactly that.. she is straddling him in an aggressive, hot, dominating style she has his necklace held a whip at the back and an amazing outfit, hair, g-string the who look is hot and very dominating and empowering for a female..

Kink is no different when you put on an outfit look at the outfit and think about how it makes you feel.. remember your MIND is the SEXUAL organ your clothing is the scene, your mind will alter to the state of what you’re wearing if you allow yourself that freedom to put your mind there.

We hesitate as females and I believe it is because of many reasons, however, I want women to do some women time think of it as a test for your own self..

When you go shopping and see costumes, lingerie, hot lingerie do yourself a favour and get a spray tan it will make a difference and go lingerie shopping with your gal pals.

It will make you laugh and funny enough you both will enjoy it maybe even purchase it when you do this think about the outfit and put some attitude behind it.. 

Its alot of fun and you will be surprised just how awesome it will make you feel..

enjoy Ladies, Candii xx

 

When we have a big night out, an important meeting, a special social gathering we put a lot of time and attention into what we wear. Yet when it comes down to bedroom play we sometimes forget the fun of preparation and indeed unwrapping.

Dressing for sex can be intimidating, especially if you’re someone who has never indulged in this most enjoyable past-time before. You might feel its contrived or worry you’ll look daft. Fear not, we ALL think this at first. We worry what our partner will think when in all honesty they are usually too blown away to think at all.

An effort is the best way to keep a relationship fresh and dressing for play makes you feel super sexy as well as allowing you to dip into a little escapism. There are many forms of dressing for sex.

Lingerie L Plates

The most obvious version is of course lingerie. It is hard to escape the seductive nature of lace and satin against your skin. It provokes sensual feelings in even the most reserved of us. If you’re new to this starting small helps.

Selecting a pretty set of bra and knickers can put a spring in your step knowing you have a secret beneath your clothes. Your partner will love seeing this when you get home. If you struggle with body confidence don’t feel like this rules you out. There are lots of flattering, well-designed lingerie which covers more skin than you’d expect.

Basques, camis and corsets are all perfect for covering up whilst still looking like a Hollywood starlet. There are many Basque and Corset options which work as shapewear as well. Allowing your waist to shine and enhance your silhouette. They can add lift and boost to cleavages and visual tricks such as boning, and panelling create hourglass curves from nowhere.

Lace and Satin

Bodystockings are another option which are sexy but forgiving for beginners to dressing up. These stretchy all-in-ones are usually made of lace and are one-size-fits-all in base and plus size options. My only criticism of bodysuits is the lack of support. This isn’t great if you have bigger boobs.

Latex Leather and Lace sell a vast range of lingerie from flirty lace to slinky satin in both base and plus size options. Lingerie is a fantastic way to start out your dressing for sex adventure. Once you’ve got this under your belt you may want to experiment with something a little more dramatic.

From the Club to the Bed

Dressing for sex doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom. There are myriad design options which happily co-exist as both bedroom wear and club wearNoir Handmade is one such brand. They have a wide range of gorgeous dresses and separates which can be worn out and will almost always result in an early exit home! The see-through fabrics and clingy skirts are super flattering and dramatic. They bring out sides of yourself you perhaps didn’t know were there.

The full-length fishtail gowns bring to mind visions of Game of Thrones, they scream quality both in fabrics used and design and style. Meanwhile, if you fancy something with slightly less impact there are a great selection of slinky little-wet look or lace dressesPink Lipstick is another brand offering super sexy little dresses which can be worn in or out of the bedroom for some exhibitionist fun. Team these with stockings and heels and free your inner sex kitten, both in and out the bedroom.

If clubbing isn’t your thing these stunning outfits can be kept for a special bedroom date night. Although, don’t be surprised if you find they stay on during the fun. Thanks to super easy access via zips, skirts and stretchy fabrics there is no need to disrobe, and why would you want to when you look this good??

Fetish Funimg_4099.jpg

If fetish is your thing then prepare to indulge yourself in a treat for the senses. Leather outfits evoke primal sensations with the inimitable feeling they have against your skin. The scent and sound of the swish. It’s almost impossible not to have some kind of D/s feelings when wearing leather. For something, more gentle PVC is a sexy option and makes a great catsuit.

If you fancy splashing out on something special latex is hard to beat. Latex feels like silk when worn and hugs the body in a way nothing else does. Even the most “normal” of outfits feels kinky when made of latex. There has been a surge of fashion latex recently and it’s becoming far more mainstream. Latex dresses are seen as acceptable outfits for a night out. Given the tactile nature of the material, it transfers to the bedroom beautifully. Whilst it might sound daunting latex is a fabulous way to dress for sex. It can cover as little or as much of you as you want and thanks to its second-skin like capability it still looks sexy AF.

It’s almost impossible not to feel sexy wearing latex. Stroking the silky surface over the curves of your body gives you an appreciation of how your partner must feel when touching you. The swish of the longer length outfits feels playful and flirty. Latex skater dresses look great and can be hitched up really easily for some quick action. The other benefit of latex is people tend to avoid wearing underwear beneath it so as not to ruin the lines of the outfit. Once you’re beneath it there’s no stopping the fun!

Playing Pretend

As I mentioned earlier part of the fun of dressing for sex is the escapism. Nowhere is this more evident than within role play. This is something people are often intimidated by but its massive amounts of fun! It’s a safe way to consensually explore different scenes and sides of yourself. Why not treat yourself to the Noir Handmade Acedia Dotted Tulle top and the Black High Waisted Wet Look skirt to become a slutty secretary. Team it with some glasses and prepare to take “dick-tation”.

images (63)

Us women love dressing up

Fever has a great range of sexy nurses’ outfits if you fancy playing Drs and Nurses. Set your partners to pulse racing in the Allure White PVC nurses’ outfit. Who says dressing up is for kids?

The icing on the cake of any of these options is, of course, the heels. Pleaser Shoes are my favourites for a sheer variety of “Bedroom Heels” on offer. I often hear people saying “Oh I couldn’t possibly walk in those but here is the beauty of bedroom heels. You don’t have to! It’s perfectly fine to wear them reclined on the bed, or purely to walk the few feet across the safety of your bedroom!

High heels boost my confidence when I’m dressed up. I feel taller, they make my legs and feet look super sexy and give me added va-va-voom. If I’m roleplaying I find it easier to be a dominant role in heels, especially being very short in actuality. I can find a heel to fit every role I want to play in the bedroom. From coquettish sex kitten to vampy bad girl.

There is a Pleaser Shoe to fit every taste requirement. From punky, goth Dominatrix style spiked heels to super cute pin-up style. I regularly lose myself for hours browsing FM Heels perusing the range of styles on offer. One thing is for certain, the heels always stay on!

Once the initial hurdle of awkwardness is overcome dressing for sex opens up a world of opportunities for play. It can boost your confidence and gives both you and your partner a thrill. Inject a little fun into your sex life and play dress up!

The Top 10 Questions on Sex and Psychology


For today’s post, I have put together an updated list of the ten most read Q&As of all time on the blog. As you’ll see, these questions (all submitted by readers of Sex and Psychology) span quite a range of topics.

However, most of them are united by the same theme:

  • “What’s normal when it comes to sex?
  • What you’ll see when you read the answers is that “normal” does not mean just one thing!

10. How often do married couples have sex?

9. Do women become “loose” if they have a lot of sex?

  •  (Some women’s vaginas may become “looser” over time, but not as a function of how much sex they’re having.)

8. What percentage of women reach orgasm from intercourse alone?

  •  (Based on the research I’ve seen, about half of the women surveyed report this.)

7.  Is deeper penetration better?

  • (For most women, not necessarily—but for some it is. In fact, some women can reach orgasm from stimulation of the cervix.) 

6. Does penis size actually affect female pleasure?

  •  (The answer to the deeper penetration question above addresses the issue of penile length. But what about girth/circumference? Research finds that women tend to rate girth as the most important penis dimension. For a more detailed look at the research on this subject, see here.)

5. Do women enjoy anal sex?

  • (Many do, and studies find that it is an increasingly common sexual activity practised by women today. Although it didn’t make the top 10 list this time around, many readers have also been curious about how to make anal sex more pleasurable.)

4. Injaculation: Is it dangerous for guys to prevent ejaculation during orgasm?

  • (Probably not. There isn’t a single scientific source to suggest that this practice causes problems. In fact, this is actually a common and very successful technique used among guys who are trying to learn better ejaculatory control in order to resolve premature ejaculation.)

3. Is “rimming” safe?

  • (Like any sexual activity, there are risks associated with this one–but there are also ways to make it safer.) Make sure you check if the girl or boy has taken Xenical then your in for a surprise…lol

2. Why are so many straight men into transsexual porn?

  • (This is a common sexual interest among men and, contrary to popular belief, most men who are attracted to male-to-female transsexuals are not gay.)

1. I want to watch my wife sleep with someone else. Is that normal?

  • (Believe it or not, this is also a very common sexual fantasy among men. For an even more detailed look at the research in this area, check out this article.)

Bambi-Magazine-fashion-beauty-photography_52e01d5d9567f-560x372

 

The 12 Sexiest Movies of All Time


eyes wide shut

WARNER BROS.

The internet is full of sex. There are sexy pictures, sexy videos, and, of course, full-on porn. But sometimes you want to watch something provocative without seeing straight up sex. Lucky for you, the world has been producing sexy-but-not-sexy entertainment for even longer than the internet has been in existence.

When you want to watch something that’s definitively NSFW, but not quite PornHub, when you’re looking for sexiness, but not just intercourse, there are certain mainstream movies that land right in that sweet-spot. Here are 12 incredibly racy movies to satisfy your, um, urges.

1 ‘Eyes Wide Shut’

Released in: 1999

Starring: Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Sydney Pollack, Todd Field, and Marie Richardson

What makes it sexy: Stanley Kubrick’s last completed film was this erotic drama, which starred Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman back when they were still married IRL. It’s also notable for making masked orgies look like the sexiest possible use of a weekend.

2 ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Released in: 2015, 2017, and 2018.

Starring: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Jennifer Ehle, and Marcia Gay Harden

What makes it sexy: Could we do a sexy movie list without including the Fifty Shades trilogy? Obviously no. Christian and Anastasia have been through a lot of sexy moments during the series, but that elevator kiss in the first flick? Still classic.

3 ‘Secretary’

Released in: 2002

Starring: James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal

What makes it sexy: Before Fifty Shades hit the scene and got everyone all hot and bothered about mainstream S&M, there was Secretary, which gives a much more grounded look at a dom/sub relationship than Fifty Shades. The indie favourite was written by Erin Cressida Wilson (who would go on to pen the screenplays for The Girl on the Train and 2009’s erotic thriller Chloe) and, fun fact, Spader’s dom character is also named Mr Grey.

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4 ‘Cruel Intentions’

Released in: 1999

Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Reese Witherspoon, and Selma Blair

What makes it sexy: It’s just your classic girl-bets-sex-with-step-brother-over-his-ability-to-seduce-another-girl-who-happens-to-be-a-virgin story. Okay, so that’s not a great set-up, but somehow Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, and Reese Witherspoon made it surprisingly sexy (so sexy that Reese and Ryan married the year it was released).

5 ‘She’s Gotta Have It’

Released in: 1986

Starring: Tracy Camilla Johns, Redmond Hicks, John Canada Terrell, Spike Lee, and Raye Dowell

What makes it sexy: You know what’s sexy? Female autonomy, that’s what. And Spike Lee’s 1986 classic She’s Gotta Have It, which follows a woman who’s dating three men, has that in spades. The movie is such a classic, it spawned a Netflix series of the same name.

6 ‘The Dreamers’

Released in: 2003

Starring: Michael Pitt, Eva Green, and Louis Garrel

What makes it sexy: The Dreamers is about a love triangle involving a brother, sister, and an American student in Paris. Eva Green stars and is supremely sensual. There are two versions of the movie out there—an NC-17 cut and an R-rated version that’s roughly three minutes shorter. Clearly, those are three important minutes.

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7 ‘Y Tu Mamá También’

Released in: 2001

Starring: Maribel Verdú, Gael García Bernal, and Diego Luna

What makes it sexy: This is, hands down, the sexiest road trip movie of all time and a must-see for fans of director Alfonso Cuarón, who would go on to direct Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and Children of Men and to become the first Mexican director to win the Best Director Academy Award, for Gravity.

9 ‘Blue Is the Warmest Colour’

Released in: 2013

Starring: Léa Seydoux and Adèle Exarchopoulos

What makes it sexy: In 2013, Blue Is the Warmest Colour, shook audiences with its arousing look into the nuances of sexuality. Based on the graphic novel of the same name, Blue Is The Warmest Colour follows the relationship of a French teen named Adèle and aspiring painter, Emma.

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10 ‘Magic Mike’

Released in: 2012

Starring: Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Cody Horn, Matt Bomer, Olivia Munn, Joe Manganiello, and Matthew McConaughey

What makes it sexy: Magic Mike turns the tables on objectifcation and focuses on a group of male strippers. When Magic Mike came out, I’ll admit, I was like “Huh? Why?” But then I saw Channing Tatum dance to “Pony” and I was like, “Oh. I get it.”

11 ‘Sex, Lies, and Videotape’

Released in: 1989

Starring: James Spader, Andie MacDowell, Peter Gallagher, and Laura San Giacomo

What makes it sexy: Sex, Lies, and Videotape aren’t just about characters having sex, it’s also full of frank conversations about sex, which is fascinating and titillating in its own watoo. This Steven Soderbergh-directed film also marks a second James Spader appearance on this list, FWIW.

12 ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith’

Released in: 2005

Starring: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Adam Brody, and Kerry Washington

What makes it sexy: Known forever as the movie that brought Brangelina together, Mr. & Mrs Smith is also the film that captures their early chemistry for the world to see. The scene where they literally bring down a house will make you understand why they had to be together IRL too.

The Ultimate submission is to be you…


According to me…

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Husband, Dom, Friend, Master, Submissive me…

So, this is my take on what I believe would be the Ulitmate of Submission and Dominance, is having a Master and a Dom very different very hot and very much the taboo of all BDSM lifestyle living.

It is very strange to come to that conclusion or even put that in words to even think that could be even possible.. which I know in most cases in this lifestyle anything is possible.

However, for me, that seems so far-fetched and even too hot for even me to think that is something that I could consider..   However if you met me even the devil himself would have problems fitting me into satan’s den… however, that may be a little extreme for me even to say..

I am starting to remember who I was a long time ago back when things seemed simpler however, these days are more intense to say the least the feeling, meaning, and everything else that seems to be thrown into a box of tricks and very clear to me what this is all about…

Time wake up and be the person that I am destined to be…. if not them then that would be a shame… however, I have no doubt that I am what I am… and I adore everything about it and of course those that are around me as well..

No doubt… at all…

For the future of what will be… let it be what it will be…

The Rebellious Submissive..

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When the Bratt starts becoming a little too Dominant…woops!!


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Oh, dear shit, god, yes, oh, dear me…..

Hmm, some truth with this part here…. well I will be… natural brat..sub… dom… crap!!!

I think I might be failing at this …. lol woops… love the main picture though very fitting,….NOT!!!

LOL

1.  Being a constant brat

Now, some Doms like their sub a little bratty every once in a while.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  It can keep things interesting.  Where it becomes a problem is when a sub is routinely a brat, using the behaviour to lash out.  Instead of a way to be more playful, it becomes the main way to receive attention and to get what they need.  Needless to say, it can irritate and Dom and make him want to give up.

What the sub can do:

If you genuinely want more attention or feel that your needs aren’t getting met, speak up!  As long as it’s done respectfully there is nothing wrong we communicating what you want.  For example, I’ve acted out before after a hard day just to get in trouble.  I know this will get me that stress-relieving spanking I so desperately need.  I’ve learned though that it’s so much better to say,  “Daddy, I’ve had a hard day.  Can you please spank me?”  It makes him happy and so much more aware of my feelings.  And the next time he sees me stressed he knows exactly what I need.  If you’re not comfortable speaking up, you can also write your feelings in a journal that your Dom can read.

What the Dom can do:

When you catch your sub being bratty try to figure out if they’re just acting out for attention.  Instead of just immediately turning to discipline, ask your sub what’s really going on.  If you sense they’re upset to give them permission to talk.  Encourage them to maybe use an “I statement”, a phrase where they say, “I feel X when you do Y, and I’d rather you do Z.”  Also, having your sub kneel while you talk to them about their unacceptable bratty behaviour can put them back in their place.

2.  Safewording… a lot

Let me start off by saying that there is nothing wrong with using safewords.  They are a sacred part of BDSM and are there to make sure everything stays safe, sane, and consensual.  A sub should never feel guilty when she uses them legitimately.  The problem arises when it becomes a way to get out of something they just don’t want to do.  It can become the vanilla equivalent of saying they have a headache.  Besides sexual requests, they may use a safeword when a situation becomes too emotionally difficult and they just want a break.  The sub becomes the one in control when they safeword because they don’t WANT to do something, not that they CAN’T do something.

What the sub can do:

Before you safeword, ask yourself if you’re just trying to avoid doing something.  If you were to meet your Dom’s demands would it really incur physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm?  If not, safewording in that instance would be dishonest and could lead to a break in trust.  Remember that topping from the bottom in this way isn’t playing fair.

What the Dom can do:

If your sub safewords, remember that it means they are close to their limit of endurance, or they cannot tolerate any further demands.  Always respect their safeword even if you believe it isn’t genuine.  Your actions should cease completely with immediate effect.  Afterwards, if you do believe the safeword was used casually, tell your sub.  Remind them of the real purpose of BDSM safewords and that misusing them will break your trust.  This firm lecture will probably be enough to put them back in their place.

 

3.  Saying, “Well, actually I think…”

When a Dom makes a decision it should stand.  A sub from time to time can voice their opinion respectfully when necessary.  But routinely getting a Dom to change their mind will only hurt the relationship.  This can happen in many different areas.  The Dom may want to have sex in a certain position, but the sub suggests another one instead.  Or he says they’re going to eat at a particular restaurant, but she says she’d rather go to a different one. When this happens and the Dom gives in, it shifts the control in the relationship.

What the sub can do:

When your Dom makes a decision, don’t undermine it.  Even if it’s not what you were wanting that doesn’t matter.  Your role is to please your Dom.  If it’s something you really disagree with you can let them know respectfully.  Another option is to ask them afterwards if next time you can do your choice.  Remember:  you are in a BDSM relationship, and he is your Dominant.  Topping from the bottom will only erode that.

What the Dom can do:

When your sub says, “Well, actually I think…” listen to their suggestion, but then let them know that you are the Dom and you make the decisions.  When they do go along with what you want to make sure to give them praise.  It is OK to give your sub choices every once in a while, but do not make it a habit of yielding to them.

Remember that regularly topping from the bottom is bringing manipulation into a BDSM relationship.  Stay focused in your role as a Dom or a sub, and the power and control will remain healthy.

What is your experience of topping from the bottom? Share your thoughts in the comments.  🖤

Learn more ways to bring back control  »

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO BEING A SUBMISSIVE


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This is according to DOM SUB Living – SEE free PDF click below for your own journal.

I agree with most of this and yes, my aim is to understand this entire whole lifestyle I find it extremely disciplined and totally off the charts hot!

Why? Well, reading my blog you will understand why I do this and with whom I do this I guess I really cannot put everything together as such but, I am trying my hardest to understand it and it is something I know that tickles my box so to speak…

Candixx (nothing is hotter than a man being a man and a female loving being just that a female)

https://www.domsubliving.com/

Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle.  However, many submissive beginners are lost.  They don’t know what the role entails.  Many times they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel more complete.  In all honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually.  How can they successfully meet the challenge?  Let’s consider what it truly means to be a good sub.

What a submissive isn’t

First and foremost, a sub is not a doormat.  They have feelings and needs and so they shouldn’t serve apathetically or reluctantly.  A real Dom wouldn’t want a doormat anyway.  They want someone who truly desires to be owned.  Being a sub also isn’t consenting to be abused.  Unlike BDSM, abuse has no limits or safe words.  If you are a sub, be very careful not to give your submission to just anyone.  True submission has to be earned first.  There are many bad Doms out there, and even predators pretending to be Doms.

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If I turned around so many things would have been different, would it? Probably, maybe, who would know, maybe better than you think!

What is a sub?

The definition of a submissive is an obedient, compliant person who likes to give up control.  They crave being used and need to serve.  They are the subservient partner of a relationship and that is why “sub” is always spelt with a lowercase while “Dom” is always capital.  A submissive can take on many different roles such as:

They strive to please their Dom in all things, not just sexually.  This means that they may have to give up some of their own personal freedoms and preferences.  It is not uncommon for a sub to have a mild and quiet personality. They are obedient and accept discipline when needed.  Subs aim to conduct themselves in a respectful and modest manner at all times, recognizing that their behaviour is a direct reflection on their Dom.

Challenges to being submissive

Subs are not perfect; they will mess up from time to time.  There’s also the fact that in a 24/7 relationship there are stressors like full-time jobs and children.  It can be hard to work on behaviour modification and serving someone else when you are tired and pressed for time.  Also, a test to many is being obedient even when not in the presence of their Dom.  One challenge I have had to overcome as a submissive is topping from the bottom.  In the beginning, I would rebel a little, or try to subtly undermine my Dom’s decisions.  I’ve learned that instead, the best and simplest response I can give is, “Yes, Daddy.”  In the end, it makes both of our lives so much easier.best-sex-songs-of-all-time-kiiroo_2048x

How to be more submissive

A sub should always remember that they should be making their Dom’s life easier, not harder.  Proactively thinking what the Dom needs in any given moment, and fulfilling it will bring him great pleasure.  One of the greatest ways a sub can do this is sexual of course, and so submitting to any requested act within one’s contract is a must.  They should also try to obey rules to the best of their ability, but if discipline is necessary they should take it willingly.  Wearing a collar, even a discreet one in public, can help keep a sub in the slave mindset.  They are property owned by someone else, and as such, they are a representation of their Dom.  This will cause a sub to take great pride in the health and presentation of their bodies.  Ways they can do this are:

  • Getting sufficient sleep
  • Exercising regularly
  • Eating a healthy diet
  • Dressing properly
  • Having good hygiene and grooming

True submission is not just a role, it is a way of life.  Being a submissive means they are held to a higher standard, but it is all worth it.  They will receive the ultimate gift of a Dom’s complete approval.  ♥

Dom Sub Living Long-Distance Relationship Worksheet


Instructions: Each partner should print out the worksheet and fill it out privately.

Once they have completed it, they should compare and discuss their answers together

This is from Dom SUB Living..

Click to work sheet

  1. What are some of the positives of your long-distance relationship?
  2. What are some of the challenges of your long-distance relationship?
  3. Describe your commitment to the relationship as a Dominant/submissive.
  4. How often do you agree to check-in and communicate? What is your schedule?
  • Instructions: Each partner should print out the worksheet and fill it out privately
  • Once they have completed it, they should compare and discuss their answers together.
  1. When do you plan to see you, partner, next? How often will you meet in person?
  2. What protocols, tasks, punishments, and rewards can you implement?
  3. How do you plan to end the distance at some point? Do you have a date?
  4. What do you envision your Dom/sub relationship becoming? What is your goal?

Get Naked. More Often.


My husband introduced Naked sleeping to me I was against it.. thinking No, I will wear tiny little scanty teddies, that only covered my crutch… He loved them… however, I wanted to see what it was like… so, I took the plunge and went naked… haven’t looked back since…

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Sleeping Nude Is give it a go……..at least for your Lady Parts

Let’s face it, ladies, our vagina’s have a similar climate to a tropical rainforest and consequently are a great environment for yeast infections such as thrush. Bacteria and yeast thrive in warm, moist areas of the body…which is all the more reason to take off your underwear and give your vulva an airing overnight. After all, a healthy vagina is a happy vagina.

You’ll Enjoy More Sex

It makes sense that sleeping naked with your partner will create a ready-made environment for more sex. Sleeping naked creates skin-to-skin contact, which leads to increased intimacy and a greater inclination to cuddle and touch each other. More sex leads to more orgasms, which consequently leads to a healthier, happier you. Get to it and enjoy a naked cuddle tonight.

Your skin will love you

Letting your skin breathe is essential for a healthy, glowing appearance. Our skin is the biggest organ in our body and needs some tender loving care. Forget the expensive ‘anti-ageing’ body cremes and oils, jump into bed naked and allow your skin to breath and heal without being restricted by clothing fabrics.

Sleeping In Summer 

Sleeping in summer can often be uncomfortable and sticky. Waking up in the night feeling hot and bothered can lead to insomnia and frustration. Taking off your clothes at bedtime will prevent your body from overheating, which will, therefore, lead to a better night’s sleep.

Why having a platonic friendship is awesome when you’re in a relationship


I once had a boyfriend who told me that he ditched all his female friends when we became official because it was ‘the right thing to do’. I didn’t prompt him to do it, and then he expected me to do the same. Which I thought was odd, because as a girl, it feels normal and natural to have friends of the opposite sex without ever having the urge to sleep with them.

Platonic friendships are healthy for relationships. It’s weird for girls to only have girlfriends and guys to only have guy friends! Here’s why having friends of the opposite sex is awesome when you’re in a relationship.

You know he will never make a move on you. It’s nice when a guy doesn’t look at you as a potential date/piece of meat. Your mate isn’t perving at your ass or trying one-liners on you; he treats you like one of the boys or his little sister. Perfect!

He can help decode your man. Us girls don’t always read our men right. Enter the male friend! We can take our texts and situations to him and get a straight answer instead of overthinking what our partner said during a lovers quarrel.

There’s never any drama. Guys steer clear of drama like the plague. They have no interest in getting involved in other people’s business, so when you hang out, it’s all about lighthearted fun.

They don’t hold grudges. When girls fight with girls, grudges can sometimes be taken all the way to the grave. But guys are much simpler; they’re annoyed for a while and then they get over it. It’s like fighting with your brother – screaming and yelling for 10 minutes, then you’re pals again.

Boys are funny. They’re crass, rude, and stupid. Don’t get me wrong, wine time with the girls is super fun, but guys are just laugh-out-loud, roll-around-in-stitches funny.

Things Men Feel Insecure About in Bed, and Why They Shouldn’t


 

Any man worth his salt puts a fair amount of pressure on himself when it comes to being adequate, if not adept, lover.

And oftentimes, pressure brings insecurity with it. But in a healthy relationship, these insecurities can be addressed and coped with until they’re avoided altogether, and you and your partner are having amazing, mindful sex.

Having the appropriate longevity

One of man’s greatest fears in the bedroom (aside from being unable to produce an erection) is having an orgasm way too quickly to have pleased our partner. And the more we worry about this, the more likely it is to happen. But through exercises and getting to know how both of your perform and what really gets you going, you can learn to pace the sexual process and avoid the man getting too excited too quickly. And, of course, the guy can always spend more time pleasuring you orally or otherwise before you have sex, or after.

Meeting perceived expectations

Without enough experience with a person, and without having gotten into the groove of communicating well, it can be difficult to intuit what a woman is optimistically anticipating out of a session between the sheets. We tend to worry about whether we’re going to get you off (at least once), and if we’re giving an all-around performance that satisfies and (hopefully) impresses you. A little bit of encouragement during and after sex will help him gain more confidence and worry less.

Asking for what we want—and what you want

Sometimes, especially at the beginning of a sexual relationship, guys are self-conscious and insecure about asking for what we want, and asking you what you want, but it’s important for both of you to keep in mind the thought that the more you communicate and the more up-front you are with each other about your sexual preferences and desires, the better the sex is going to be for both of you. And we should never feel strange about having a discussion around these things. So the sooner the two of you get to talking, the better, happier and more satisfied you’ll both be.

How we look

Penises look kind of funny. We have hair in strange places. And pretty much all places. Body image insecurity is, of course, something that transcends gender, but we do feel it. We can help ourselves out by reminding ourselves that a woman has decided she wants to be naked with us, so she probably doesn’t find us unattractive, and any compliments during the act will go a long way for improving confidence.

That we’re not the best you’ve ever had

We always want to do our best and be the best, so occasionally there are thoughts in the back of our head about partners you’ve had in the past—and then we wonder if they’ve been a better and more fulfilling lover than us. But we shouldn’t think this way. Instead, we should be fully present at the moment and doing the best we can. And if we’re not the best you’ve had that time? Well, there’s always room for improvement.

 

When you find out your Unique Qualities are just not that Unique…


Your stress will go away when you stop resisting the problem – hmm, what if they don’t? What if they go…. after when all is done?

We as married couples or I should say myself often think ideas, unique clique’s end up everyone doing it before you are doing it!

God that shitted me … I am thinking gosh, how awesome having a unique “trio thought” and finding out that dating sites are all doing what I thought was unique and private.. and still haven’t seen it or at least experienced it …. at least the thought was horny and hot… and it still is.. yet… to see it visually if we where to do it ever… 

I like the idea… of the thought .. and I like the idea of wanting to experience it.. so with a great outcome… no reactions of negitive only positively devine….. I wonder if that is possible?

You’re probably wondering what on Earth is she talking about, I am talking about having sexual ideas, feelings, earth gravitating moments, the earth thunders under you and “bang”, you find out other’s are street’s ahead of you and you begin to think now what!!

I wonder, if I just never went on these sites what then… perhaps all my talks and wondering, earth-shattering moments didn’t have to have talks.. however, this isn’t true we all must talk if we didn’t we would find out that those that we love and care about would end up being just a statistic.. or perhaps the talks found out more about me that I really knew or I had forgotten..cropped-download-11.jpg

I believe in many beautiful, flavoursome things most of all I believe in Romantic moments and Earth Shattering sexual intense connections that even to this day I am in awe… so thank you mother earth for making me who I am…

I may be quirky, silly, crazy, mad, insane, intense, humorous, but, what I really am is I do care about those that I adore… know that you’re important to me those that I love…

Most would never go that far with anyone…. and for that, I thank you.. xxx

HOW TO BE A GOOD SUB…


Oh, thank you, Dom-Sub Living, for sending me this which I will share to the rest of the girls who follow me…

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  • Know that being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Make sure you are up for the challenge.
  • Don’t serve apathetically or reluctantly. Show that you truly desire to be owned.
  • Strive to please your Dom in all things, not just sexually. This means that you may have to give up some of your own personal freedoms and preferences.
  • Aim to conduct yourself in a respectful and modest manner at all times, recognizing that your behaviour is a direct reflection on your Dom.
  • Don’t “top from the bottom”, or try to undermine your Dom’s decisions to get your own way.
  • The best and simplest response is usually, “Yes, Sir (or Master, Daddy, etc.).”
  • Always remember that you should be making your Dom’s life easier, not harder.
  • Proactively think about what your Dom needs in any given moment, and try your best to fulfil it.
  • Obey rules to the best of your ability, but if discipline is necessary you should take it willingly.
  • Take great pride in the health and presentation of your body, since you are a representation of your Dom.
  • A good sub craves being used, serving, and giving up control.

3 in the Bed & the little one said!


Researching Couples on Dating sites

I have been reading a lot about our dating sites, what couples do together, why couples seem to be sitting on dating sites which is a very interesting read indeed!

Now, let’s begin with a few areas that I would like to share with you.. Dating sites with Married couples who are looking for that added extra charge in their bedroom, garage, kitchen, lounge room and bathroom windows seem to be the “new thing to do”!

So, what have I been reading… okay, well, listen to this hot spiced and a little bit naughty, however, I will let you tell me after I tell you this little hot bit of sexy hotties…flare-light-water-bubble-droplet

This story is about a married couple, in their late 40’s both rather good-looking, natural beauties, both social, both rather open, the wife well she is very open-minded, say it how it is, open to him exploring his kinks and has a very vivid and curious mind..

He is very charming, tall, socially wicked, has a very broad mind on sex and loves his wives openness and is very keen to understand her curious nature more..

Both have a distinct kink, both are searching for that “special person male”, to share their experiences with, now this sounds too hot, and well thought through, however, let me tell you a little about her naughty husband who seems to have a few extra ideas and likes to tease his wife by playing a little “hide-and-seek”.41647146_10217585336484725_280423873659273216_n.jpg

His kink is he is a Dom and her kink is she is a submissive, who strangely is after a male who both are hoping will be able to “whip both into shape”. Hamm, something a little odd in this window of naughty curious and a little bit slap-happy, to find such a “Unicorn male/alpha or perhaps bisexual or maybe someone who loves to tease, message, spank her ass, and lick her wet dripping clit with this tongue!

I would say that is pretty hot don’t you think?

Here is my short sex story of a couple that I have spoken too… however, the rest is mine so enjoy my erotic 3some story of what is going on in your City…Around the World…

 

Here is a little bit of a very long and usually difficult past built on trust, love and understanding these 3 are very uniquely wired and you can tell by the body language and many other attributes of why this could work in some peoples lives…

Imagine finding such a masculine hot gritty male, who appears very alpha that plays well with the husband while servicing her aching, trembling body as she aches, with loud intense moans, loudly panting with each breath.

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She can feel his heat on her skin and understanding that this isn’t her husband but, someone she has yet to meet or already know, this excites her making her pant heavily, and yearning for both her husbands dirty hot-panted sex talk into her ear, saying you can feel his tongue licking your clit, and he then repeats it with a harsher tone so understands his dirty kinky fuckery his tone makes her pant and hold her breath to listen to the hot, filthy roughness of his dirty fckd mind.

placeholder-titleHis chosen male is exactly his choice as his filthiness is of a like-minded choice this chosen alpha is closed to his identity and prefers to watch rather than his touching fucking, his kink is more of the voyeur and although his devious talented tongue makes the submissive wife pant loudly the ropes and the submissive nature added to this delightful trio of dirty hot Primal men who love fucking wives that are more of the dirty-minded nature to satisfy their primal urges using her body as a submissive slut slave.

This was my interpretation to dating sites on the internet and married couples looking for hot men to add a bit of spice to their dull lives…3B73E66500000578-4042538-Candy_party_The_star_was_a_perfect_storm_of_juxtaposition_as_she-a-96_1481929761074

I think I would not have any problem in saying pick me… and make it exactly those two naughty men husband and the alpha spunk dude that has the same dirty minded kinky fuckery as the couple, what about you???

What do you think? HOT or NOT?

Because if you like this story…. there is more… you will discover an amazing and sensual awakening to an Erotic  experience built on years of understanding and many sides to what can occur with people that understand each other, know exactly what respect is built from, a love of knowing how difficult life can be and many more flavours you will discover a past filled with happy, easy going loving individuals and much more names are hidden and those people are the most loving individuals that I have ever met… so stay tuned to many more beautiful and sexual moments that I will with time tell you how and when … and most of all why…

To be continued…… Rebellious Submissive with many blessings to you all xx

Let me know by commenting if you like this story and why?

 

Xenical… a reminder to ask before diving in…


Xenical (orlistat) is a gastrointestinal lipase inhibitor used to help with weight loss by preventing the digestion and absorption of fat in food by inhibiting the enzyme lipase in the intestine. Common side effects of Xenical include:

Tell your doctor if you experience serious side effects of Xenical including blood in your urine, urinating less than usual or not at all, drowsiness, confusion, mood changes, increased thirst, swelling, weight gain, feeling short of breath, severe pain in your upper stomach spreading to your back or fast heart rate.

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In this case, Pineapple would have no effect.. on the above medicine when licking I would ask before doing…

Xenical is taken as oral capsules. Xenical may reduce the absorption and blood levels of cyclosporine when both drugs are administered together. Xenical may also cause vitamin K levels to decline, and patients taking warfarin (Coumadin) must have their blood clotting monitored closely. The safety of Xenical in pregnancy and nursing mothers has not been determined.

Our Xenical Side Effects Drug Center provides a comprehensive view of available drug information on the potential side effects when taking this medication.

Give her what she DESIRES…


You know exactly both of you do…She, you, him, them… all wrapped up into a pyramid…of intoxicating desire… Do it you know you want too…img_3703

What we think we can do and what we can do is all the same in my book!

However, to be a submissive whether that is a slut, slave, me being a rebellious one, we are all the same… damaged why?

Because no-one really gave a shit in the first place so we looked after ourselves when no-one was around to help uspity isn’t what we desire we desire the harsh slap on our ass with a dominants hand, we want you to feel the sting as you do it, harder, louder, harsher with each welting moment…

Firstly, we thirst for this through putting ourselves in harms way, testing our own beliefs and seeing if we are collateral damage, then we know exactly why we do it, when we do it and how we do it… this may sound stupid, foolish, dangerous to some, but, to us it is what makes us wet soaking in our own stench and knowing exactly what we draw to ourselves by being obedient to those that deserve our love.

With no pain their is no gain to us that is how we created ourselved and we do enjoy it don’t you ever think we don’t – like I said, it isnt for the faint hearted nor is it for those who do not understand what this lifestyle really is all about.

We do this because we want you also to feel what we feel harder the better, we want our minds at that moment not to be owned by us for a damn change we want you to take us in your harsh hands and make us devoured by the dominant with his love, with his demanding harsh command and with his grace we call him our Master or perhaps Dom.

I like to say YES instead of NO…

No, will only infuriate me wanting him more and more…. if you think that my devotion is something that I am not aware of …………think again… I am not a stupid woman I am very open, honest and I see more, feel more and know exactly what you’re doing before you even do it..

Beautiful Music for the SOUL

I believe in beautiful souls that like, do, react, talk, love, have that part of them that likes what they do without question, those of us who do it and say it is the best feeling and energy that one can ever expect within ourselves firstly.

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We are only human and with that we make errors, we love like no tomorrow and those that have the courage to act on what they love and leave expectations at the door to me are brave souls.

I am a woman who has many flavours and I love that about me..

I will do what I want to do because it makes me who I am..

I never expect more from someone unless I know they have what it takes to be a better person

Never allow another to make you do something you don’t want too do…

Always respect yourself it is not your business what others think you are..

I am crazy, funny, beautiful within my own self and I want you to see your image the way I see you from my eyes..3-dirty-sex-quotes-for-him

Never, ever think you fail you learn by your mistakes and they never ever mistake they are learnings..

Remember to SMILE, Laugh and even Cry they are all your emotions and you own them

ALways understand that life is about learning being better at what you believe in and always leave your EGO at the door.

I always believe in your own power that is within your own body allow it to explode, pick those that you know that understand or at least are willing to see life with a better understanding..

And most of all… Live, Laugh and never allow another to take what is precious about you.. because you are worth it…AGWDM-managing-your-expectations-in-a-casual-relationship-e1443148339671-1

The Rebellious Submissive… xxx

“Twatts Up People”


Can Pineapple Really Change the Way Your Vagina Tastes?

Now before I start this I have just got to realise that some people need a right slap on the back of the head kind of slapping…Image result for pineapples

I mean to say that it seems okay for those that come creeping into a house to get some thinking that they are not seen (yeah, right!)

Then on top of that “Pineapple” is the cure for some Vagina tastes that are off… then for some reason a barmaid says would you like a pineapple dacarri like it came out of no-where anyway…It really doesn’t fall far from the tree… now does it…

Today I may as well, never mind removed what I would normally say to them both….

I hate myself sometimes…… anyhoo, here it is ladies… best to go to the Doctor… check it out …

Mine is normal however, it seems that Pineapple and Fruit is something I require myself from time to time…

I do love Xenical from time to time at the moment I am not on this wonder drug so proceed if your willing lol funny as hell……

oh, dear me..

Twatts up, ladies”

Keep your Stink out of your Pink…

 

I had a bit of a Blowout today…


thYou see I am trying my hardest to recover from my past Trauma of many, many events that I had seemed to overlooked or I had no idea just how harsh they really made me tear up without me even being aware of why.

Funny, isn’t it how something that hurt you, lamed you and hindered you over many years had such an invisible pull on this girl of 5ft’4 ratbag Italian/Irish chick of 50 years.

I was such a girl full of wild all eyes wide open so to speak, I still do by the way I have this appetite of nothing bothers me kinda spirit, however, it does, but, I only want to experience things with decent people who are similar to my like.

I will explain why…I have always been very social I adore people I mean no harm towards anyone really I don’t I am a big softy but, I will defend my dear loved ones even if I have to throw myself under a bus to protect them.  I guess the reason is they my husband a  few very (poor things) gorgeous human beings that I love and I have seen bend over backwards to help, another person and that my friends is enough for me to say hep, however, there is so many other reasons why…

It stems back to having a brother who I still adore and cherish, he does have a disability but, he will go up to the biggest bully and at least try to friend him… I love that about him, annoying but, I do say to myself, fair enough I will raise my eyebrows and go woah.. gutsy…39352800_287197282071199_6664480631281418240_n

However, as my life grew away from our local area his sister (me) could have done with a bit of a bully boy to help me through my path of life as a Single mother as you girls will know that is a tough gig and there are arse holes out there willing and waiting for something like us to mosey on by… right?

Anyway, enough of that I survived with many bruises and I had thought I dealt with many which I had.. so pat, pat for me..but, as my curiosity and my wild spirit of wanting to experience things with my husband well, it has been taxing on both of us if not others.. very sorry but, I had no idea..

I knew I had a very deep low feeling that sometimes I would sit and all of a sudden tears would pour out of my eyes and I was suddenly feeling sad, upset and heavy like someone had sat on my head… Another trigger was this “tunnel vision” I could not for the life of me as time went by the turnaround or go around my own home just in case…. I guess..

However, I found out it was a little different really it was more about a very clever and respectful subconscious that decided to peer its little sassy head into my head (me) and say you’re not ready and neither is your husband…1521830997_life-quotes-inspiration-30-inspirational-quotes-for-the-women-who-are-strong-at-heart-trend-to-wear

Shhh, well, he may not agree with him being put in that sentence but, Now I am angry at him because he’s annoying and a pest because he knows how easy it is… but, the smart alec won’t help ….. asshole…love him but, still grrrrr…

Anyway, I have been a tad overbearing with my dogs… sorry Bella and Chino, oh yes and my husband… and other… lol… woops… well, until he says anything I am stuck so take it out on him….No means No… and I get that…   (oh, yes that was Trauma that is seeping into my membrane) it will be out soon.. I guarantee.. even if I have to implant my Minions myself…. into my nose …. that is stupid.. but, that is what PTSD is people…

Bloody hell, indeed, however, I get his point more than he knows and to be perfectly honest putting my thoughts, feelings (new neurons are forming) damn it… I am now dealing with being a smuck… of a feeling mother of god…

So, at the moment I will do my best to deal… and I guess feel … joking ..sort of and I will explain to my husband and those that are close to us … well, actually that isn’t many anymore… which is a problem our circle is slightly off centre…

I am trying to be the best person I can be walking forward and that is okay…. I am extremely happy however, I am also trying to rid a cancerous malignant enemy that hurt me so I will update you all about that another time..

It is amazing that being hurt, fearing something that was so long ago shouldn’t make you disabled.. but, unfortunately, lovely people it will if you don’t deal with you…

Many blessings… Franny xx

 

 

Managing Expectations in a Casual Relationship


Go Figure… me? Well, I don’t seem to ever put expectations on most evenings however is that wise? I would say No!

For me after I marry I am not well available.. however, as we age and live together longer who bloody knows.. But, and alwaYS a But, the only way I would dabble in the naughty is with him……. not without….. so that is my difference.. That is just me.. for those that are more open continue reading..

For some people, a casual relationship is nothing more than a one-night stand. For others, it can mean having a long-term sex partner without co-mingling living situations, families and finances. Either one of those options and the variations in between can be had and can be wonderful. It all starts with managing your expectations.

State Up Front What You Want
Be clear about what you want and what your boundaries are. If those things aren’t okay with the person you’re chatting up, don’t try to talk them into something they don’t want to do or say anything – especially if they’re outright false promises or lies – just to get them into bed. That’s something desperate losers do.

Don’t Expect People to Change
There are a lot of people, especially women, that believe that if the sex is great, that the other person will keep coming back for more or want to develop something more than just a casual relationship. Luring someone in by entrapment never works out or ends well. It’s also dishonest.

Don’t Make Too Many Compromises
Be completely comfortable and accepting with what the other person wants and has to offer in a casual relationship. If you give up too much, you’re going to regret being in the situation you got yourself into. You are entitled to have your casual relationship be a good and happy thing, sexually and otherwise.

When Emotions Get Lopsided
As much as people can tell themselves that a casual relationship is “just sex”, sex is loaded with emotions. After all, sex feels great. Right? A lot of those “feel good” emotions can lead to attachment. That’s why open communication is so important. Talk about your casual relationship as it evolves. If feelings for and expectations of each other aren’t mutual, it’s easier to deal with the situation sooner than later.

Be Friends
Like the person, you’re hooking up with. Be decent, kind, thoughtful and respectful. If you can’t do or be those things, don’t expect a hot sexual vibe in return. If you feel like that’s a chore or obligation, the other person will sense that and think you’re an asshole, and no one wants to have sex with an asshole. And if you don’t like the person you’re hooking up with or if you’re not having fun like friends of any other type do, your sex is not going to be fun.

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If I turned around so many things would have been different, would it? Probably, maybe, who would know, maybe better than you think!

A Word About Respect
I recently came upon a blog discussion thread where a bunch of men were complaining about the way women disrespect them. Everyone is entitled to respect but it’s earned both ways. If you don’t treat people well, hold up your responsibilities, or keep your word, the other person has every right to be pissed off with you. Being in a casual relationship doesn’t mean that you can be casual about manners and courtesy.

Finding a Casual Sex Partner isn’t Necessarily Immediate or Easy
Even if there are hundreds or thousands of potential casual sex partners on a casual sex dating site, it doesn’t mean that you should expect sex on demand or instant gratification. It might take weeks or months to find or cultivate an eventual hookup. Remember that you’re dealing with available people and not just available bodies. Just because someone is available for a casual relationship doesn’t mean that they owe you sex.cropped-images-62.jpg

Arguing with your spouse can make you fat


A recent study from Ohio State University shows that men and women who have marital rows, especially in combination with a history of depression, burn fewer calories after a meal than less argumentative couples. The stress alters the way the body processes high-fat foods which increases the risk of obesity.

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Men and women who had an argument had:

  • higher levels of insulin, which contributes to the storage of fat, in blood;
  • higher spikes of fat in the blood (triglycerides) after eating a heavy meal.

Lead researcher Jan Kiecold-Glaser said the findings reveal how important it is to treat mental health problems. The recent study backs up a previous research, which found that women, who are stressed, put on weight because their metabolism slows down.

Mind your heart

Another study from the University of Utah shows that arguing with a spouse is not only upsetting but also very bad for the heart. People who feel unsupported are more likely to develop heart disease because of higher levels of artery calcification.

So make love, it’s in more ways good for your health 😉

Imagine Dragons…


These boys I adore … their music always seem GRRRR, ROAR, ARGH, bit like being at school with the girls…… at a sporting event like……….. interschool carnival and each school has a group of individuals (I was one of them) with war cries… of Fun, Excitement, Love, passion, hate, society, devotion, compassion, just a very unique band..

They are so up with it and I adore their words and their passion my many loves of this band is amazing…

This was the first song these guys sang and I was hooked   THUNDER..

The reason I adored this it was unique and it was so damn amazing 3 individuals that looked different acted different and was so different from everyone else they spoke wonders to me.. loved this song… 

Not much different to all of us on this earth.. we are all unique and have something about ourselves that can bring to others fun, love, excitement and even something different but, at the end of the day it is all innocent really…

 

Now this one called NATURAL

This brought so much to me I got it.. it meant to me that I was me… I do not conform to society nor do I want too… if this means that I am solo so I will be… I am me and nothing is going to change me.. because I am just a girl with an open heart and I also have quirky ideas, notions, ideas, thoughts, I am out of the box…\

So, be it… I am a Natural…

 

And this one…awwwwww  Love this…. SOOOOO ME…

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