1. Which do you make more of phone calls or text messages?
2. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
3. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
4. Name three things about which you and your partner completely disagree and often causes arguments.
5. 74 percent of couples bought a brand new mattress when they began their relationship. As you embark on a serious relationship would you request your significant other buys a new mattress or would you buy a new mattress if the s.o? asked you to do so?
Bonus: If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about your future, what would you want to know?
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Happy TMI Tuesday!
ANSWERS:
1. Which do you make more of phone calls or text messages?
Well, I come from that era of phone calls however, I have also succumbed to the popular demand of text messages.. so texts yes
2. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Never, If I use the phone and use it for good and not evil then, of course, it me it is like riding a bike you fall off it yup by sending stupid text messages that you would NEVER say in REAL life.. well at least get away with it… right, oh dear me
3. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
Well, a lot actually, here goes, our temperament is the same… we both go hammer and tongs, however, I am always the one that needs to stop first so I do give it my best… I am not saying it’s a good idea… NOPE, not saying that at ALL…..
What else… similar humor but I am funnier…. he won’t agree… so that is okay because I am funnier than he is…. 🙂
We love to socialize and cook together… we haven’t done that in a while, so yeah, we also love to dance, laugh, tease each other, many things….. however, I at times need to stop being a pain in the ASS
4. Name three things about which you and your partner completely disagree and often causes arguments.
So, this may sound weird it all depends on our temperament we tend to disagree with agreeing… he thinks he is right… I think I am…. we are beautiful at debating on pretty much anything and everything…. anything to get out of it… and everything because well, we both can… ANNOYING AS HELL
5. 74 percent of couples bought a brand new mattress when they began their relationship. As you embark on a serious relationship would you request your significant other buys a new mattress or would you buy a new mattress if the s.o? asked you to do so?
When we need one like now….now and now….. we both know it.. no hassle with us both saying the mattress is shit!!! (like now hehe)
Bonus: If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about your future, what would you want to know?
Well, nothing really, lotto maybe, an easy life going forward due to money but, with us as a couple well, we never seem to worry about stuff like that!!!
Jimmy Barnes – listen to his story what a legend!! oldskool if he can say it, loudly like he loves to do… then so can any male on this Earth… good effort Jimmy, you’re a true legend
Sometimes when we don’t know something we don’t know it and that is okay, so make sure they know that they do have a choice, they have a right as a human being and as a partner, soulmate, friend, grandfather, brother, cousin, we all have a right to live and be loved… so love them, tell them, show them it is okay to show their emotions, it is okay to cry, sob, scream and tell us that they are hurting.. tell them that they are worth it…… because it could save them … just a thought ladies… they hurt just as much as we hurt… “Remember that okay, much love xx”
This is true even though premenopausal and perimenopausal women outperformed postmenopausal women in many key memory areas.
Looks like one that can be chalked up for women but, never minds, the men will forget it soon anyway.
Personally, I am better than my husband in so many ways memory, better looking (joking), funnier, taller (no I’m not!) smarter (hang on a momento), anyway, what was this post about again? I forgot! Doh!!! he,he,he, (see I am funnier)
Lana Del Rey, one of the best women artists shes just sexy with her music love her..
This one is a bit on the RISKY SIDE of life but, quite erotically different!!!! A girl entering womanhood is the most intoxicating time..why?
Because I remember me… naughty girl Mumma Mia….. the Memories of life go figure! He is a little old for this part but, as I have not seen it entirely I will let you know if I approve…
You leaped from crumbling bridges watching cityscapes turn to dust
Filming helicopters crashing in the ocean from way above
Got the music in your baby, tell me why
Got the music in your baby, tell me why
You’ve been locked in here forever and you just can’t say goodbye
Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers wrapped in your arms
You’ve been hiding them in hollowed out pianos left in the dark
Got the music in your baby, tell me why
Got the music in your baby, tell me why
You’ve been locked in here forever and you just can’t say goodbye
Your lips, my lips, apocalypse
Your lips, my lips, apocalypse
Go and sneak us through the rivers flood is rising up on your knees, oh please
Come out and haunt me, I know you want me
Come out and haunt me
Sharing all… Sharing is Caring they say….. go figure!!
BLOW – Fall In Deep (Official Music Video)
Kygo – This Town ft. Sasha Sloan – (Music Video) – Lyrics
Coldplay – Ink (Tradução) ♫
I miss utes the best cars in those days I loved them sitting in the back with my friends mostly boys…. laughing, poking, joking, laughing, standing up and being an absolute dude… Dad in the front seat smoking a cigarette laughing at us…
Hay stacked high… loved it..
My god, how hot is this music.. great to fuck too… sorry it just is…. it got that lusty, gratey slow fucking beautiful music… enjoy!!!
Cigarettes After Sex – K [Lyrics]
Alan Walker – Spectre (Unofficial Videos)
Interestingly familiar… we all had that boy that was a little too tough to admit he liked you or perhaps a little too proud, however, he always seemed to end up telling us, girls… just how he felt… melts your heart because you end up falling for that kind of guy that you secretly adore because there is always so many levels… such a sucker for that bit…
oh well, enjoy!!!
Watch the end very cute…indeed it is..awwww
Very odd…. amusing … not sure if I want to watch this again however adding….
Reminds me of the 80’s something I would have done in those days easily even wearing short shorts but, yup definitely a winner… LARA, where are you when I need to go back in time……..???
Research has shown that people look for a romantic partner with a sense of humor, but how does laughter across these three variables affect relationship satisfaction?
The researchers found that being laughed at has positive effects, especially in women, who tended to be satisfied with their relationship and felt attracted to their partner.
Psychologists from Martin Luther University conducted a study that involved 154 heterosexual couples.
The participants separately answered questions about their relationship in an online interview.
They were asked questions about their relationship satisfaction — whether they argued often and how satisfied they were with their sex life.
The researchers also asked if participants like to laugh at others and how they handled being laughed at.
The researchers found that being laughed at has positive effects, especially in women, who tended to be satisfied with their relationship and felt attracted to their partner.
They and their partners were found to be equally satisfied with their sex life, too.
Being laughed at was also negatively associated with relationship satisfaction for people who fear being laughed at.
These individuals are less content in their relationships and tend to mistrust their partner.
This also affected their partners — men particularly did not feel satisfied with their sex life if their partner was afraid of being laughed at.
The researchers did not find any association between relationship satisfaction and people who liked to ridicule others.
However, such couples tend to argue often.
How you handle laughter is just one indicator of the nature of your relationship, according to the psychologists.
There are various other factors that contribute to a successful and happy relationship.
But having an insight into how partners handle being laughed at can be useful for couples therapy and relationship counseling.
does not have a single school of thought when it comes to homosexuality and is simply merely discouraged.
In any event, people might conform to the popular belief that it’s not accepted and continue on a heterosexual lifestyle.
They might do this in the hope that their homosexual feelings will go away, or they might find themselves in a deep state of denial, or they simply might feel that their feelings are nothing but a phase and representative of the feeling of ‘cold feet’ of getting married.
Many mature gay men have stated that the reason that they got married was that they’d hoped that the feelings would go away, they loved their wives, they considered their wives their best friends and soul mates but rather than happiness and bliss for their lifetime together, all they would feel was an overwhelming sense of infidelity and deceit as they discovered that the feelings wouldn’t go away.
They might try marriage counselling or some form of couples counselling, but inevitably it’s not going to work.
Coming Out To Your Wife Can Be Devastating
Often they can hide and repress this for years, the distractions of life, and growing older play a great part in a person’s ability to ignore what’s underneath as they traverse life, climb the social/work ladder, buy a house, plan for a family and so on and so forth.
One of the worst aspects of being both married and gay is the understanding that the moment that you come out, that there is potentially going to be a lot of hurt, pain and anger from his wife.
This can be devastating and cause chaos in people’s lives and is probably one of the most challenging aspects of coming out when you’re older.
Especially since he might love his wife, considers her his best friend and feels that coming out will ultimately hurt her.
For some, they simply cannot take this and will either resort to drastic measures or simply engage in infidelity until they get caught out.
2. Parenthood:-
Through trying to repress one’s sexuality, they might decide to get married. From there, they might end up being parents.
Becoming a parent also serves as a distraction-like tool in the repression of sexuality and some might see the prospect of having children to be worth it in staying in the closet because it provides them with opportunities that they may not have been able to have as a gay male.
Today, however, there are many options for queer people to fulfil their dreams of becoming parents, and these technologies were simply not available 30 years ago. Other people feel that being a parent is more important than their sexuality, as they fear that any decision to come out after having children, could negatively impact them.
As such, there are a lot of people who acknowledge being gay early on in their marriage but who have already had children, they decide to repress their sexuality until their children are old enough to understand.
To some people, the idea of providing a loving and nurturing environment for their children is a far more important endeavour.
3. The idea of Lost Youth:-
Being young is about making mistakes, it’s about embarking on life with the training wheels firmly attached and it is a state of learning and growing.
What about the idea though, that you start off life in the development of a particular lifestyle, only to discover that that’s not for you?
You essentially, in part have to start again.
This is a common train of thought for older people who have come out later in life and they might get the impression that they have to go out into the world and make up for lost time.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to make up for lost time, what’s past has already passed. Mature Gay Adults who have only recently come out, however, will often find themselves behaving and acting like the teen they never got to be in an effort to make up for lost time.
It’s almost considered to be in the same vein as having a mid-life crisis – even the most placid and calm of people might suddenly turn into a raging teen at the candy store lusting and drooling after all the new things in the world that they can experience. It’s tricky.
Others might feel such a sense of shame and inadequacy that it makes them vulnerable to forms of abuse, and they may be plagued with unhappiness regarding the sense that they’re supposed to be an adult, and all of a sudden they’re a child in a world that they didn’t know much about. In either circumstance, however, there is cause for concern.
Not only in forms of abuse either from being sexually assaulted or financial as a result of this vulnerability, and in young people potentially seeking a sugar daddy where the older gay male is looking for love, but also in the sense that sex and dating conquests may not necessarily equate to a healthy sexual lifestyle.
4. Family Acceptance:-
One of the most important things that people yearn for when they decide to come out of the closet, is that it won’t adversely affect their relationship with their family.
It’s a fundamental need and desire to be loved and accepted by your family.
When people start coming out in their 30’s, 40’s or even beyond there are some families which will struggle with this new found status.
Some members of the family might be unable to accept the sudden change, in the sense that who you’ve been for the majority of your life has now suddenly changed.
They may not be able to transcend past the idea of how they remember or know who their child, brother, sister, the nephew was.
There’s really no way in telling if the experience is going to be a positive or negative experience.
Especially when some people support the idea of being gay, and they can’t get past the feeling that they had been deceived the majority of your life in regards to the gay person.
5. Family acceptance
will also extend to the in-laws. It is highly unlikely that a young gay male will be married in his teens, and as such, will never have to deal with the prospect of telling his in-laws about his sexuality.
People in their 30’s and beyond may have found themselves married, and have acquired a set of in-laws through their partner. Gay people who come out later in life might have to deal with telling the in-laws about their sexuality.
Though, in some respects, it should be very much considered to be similar to a divorce – whereby the in-laws will either accept you’re coming out, will struggle to remain civil and polite, or they might even be glad to see the back of you.
Having grandchildren involved in this situation is certainly going to complicate things and realistically you should speak to your partner privately first, and have a discussion about the in-laws.
6. Youth Vs Truth:-
This one is partly driven by the shallowness of the queer community and the ideals associated with beauty.
Whereas many people subscribe to the idea that you’re only as old as you feel, it can be quite apparent when someone is desperately trying to cling onto their youth by either wearing inappropriate clothes or embarking on a lifestyle that isn’t representative of their age.
Common problems with coming out later in life circle around an individual’s insecurities – they feel that they’re well beyond the age of getting into the gay scene, or that they’re not in good enough shape to be taken seriously.
From here, one of two things will generally happen. You will go into over-drive and desperately seek to become the most ideal and often stereotypical gay man that you could be.
Or, you might find yourself in a pit of despair and feel that you’re just never going to be good enough and settle for a relationship, or a particular circumstance that is far less than what you deserve.
Neither of these scenarios is the healthiest.
The healthiest approach that one can take is simply let loose, be yourself and try to find your way on your own with the knowledge that there are countless others who are in exactly the same position that you are.
7. Baggage:-
This is one of the tougher ones and can really hit a person where it hurts. When you’ve been married and you’ve got kids, there are many people out there who will consider you to be a person that’s carrying too much baggage.
However, it’s a similar situation to when going through a standard divorce, with the only difference is that you’re now dealing with a lot of issues and thoughts regarding your own sexuality and invariably it’s a lot of stuff happening at once.
If you hear this said to you, it’s going to hurt. But just find comfort and solace in the idea that it’s certainly not an isolated occurrence and that you’re but one in a pool of people trying to find their way.
Just like older people going through a divorce, you may find comfort in the idea of not necessarily embarking on looking for a relationship with someone that doesn’t have a baggage of their own but rather looking for someone that also wants to be serious and might be coming with their own baggage.
8. Training Wheels:-
You’ve spent the last x amount of years subscribing to a particular lifestyle, and now you have to change that. Sex is going to be a major component of that, and it can be quite emasculating to discover that you’re considered to be absolutely clueless around sex.
You’re not alone, there’s no manual on having sex or gay relationships, and chances are that when you’re looking for someone else that’s also single they haven’t managed to understand the idea of relationships either!
9. Love:-
Mature people will often feel that they can’t be loved. They’re often in an already vulnerable state having to deal with all of the above problems, and rather than playing the field and determining who they are attracted to, they’ll often find comfort in the idea of settling down with the first person that shows any interest in them.
Monogamous relationships form their primary focus and whilst there’s no harm in this – if you’re specifically looking to form a monogamous relationship then there’s a chance that it can actually stop you from getting into a relationship. The best advice in this regard, play the field.
10. Life Stressors:-
This is often the most difficult, and can directly impact all of the previous issues when it comes to coming out when you’re older.
The fact is, that there might simply be too much going on at once. You might be dealing with a divorce, you might be dealing and trying to do the best for your kids, you might be trying to find a new place to live, and you might also be trying to work out the intricacies of gay life, sex and relationships.
That can be a lot of pressure and stress all at once.
Take a step back, breathe and deal with the things as they come. You might not have all the experience of a gay male, but you have a variety of different experiences and challenges that you have overcome just to make it to this point in your life and, surely, that’s worth something.
I myself am a late bloomer. I am now happier through coming out. I have written these challenges both as a result of what I myself have experienced, and what others in my support network have experienced.
Coming out is not easy at whatever stage of life that you’re in and I absolutely subscribe to the words of Comedian Todd Glass when he states that “everyone comes out at exactly the same time…when they’re ready.”
I first had an idea that I was gay in my late teens, and this was during the start of the HIV Epidemic.
I didn’t stay closeted for fear of the HIV scare, I attempted to embark on a lifestyle of heterosexual living because I felt guilty, because of fear, and due to a need to please others, like my family.
I don’t believe or view that decision as a mistake, from that choice I feel I was gifted with a beautiful and wonderful relationship with an amazing and patient woman, who gave me two daughters who I love to the ends of the world and who have certainly made my life worth living.
My family have been able to provide me with the strength that I needed to develop the emotional maturity that would later form the foundations of my confidence and acceptance.
Despite coming out when I was older, I have since found myself, I am now true to myself and I could never ask for anything more.
If you can find a good man at the start of the year, then congratulations as you are on your way of settling down… hopefully!
However, finding Mr. Right is just like looking for a needle in the haystack but this does not mean that you have to settle for just about anyone else that comes your way.
The thing is that you don’t have to be alone but you also don’t need to wait too long for Mr. Right. What you need to do is to know who else to avoid. Thus, this article will discuss the different men you should not marry.
#1 – Mr. “I am not ready for a serious relationship”:
A guy who dates a lot and tries to avoid the relationship from developing further is not the right type of man for you.
This guy provides a lot of excuses why he cannot be ready to have a serious relationship with you and eventually he will dump you if he feels too much pressure within your superficial relationship.
If you happen to date this guy, read the warning signs and try to get loose from the relationship because he is never really serious in taking the relationship to another level.
#2 – Mr. “I still have a hang up on my ex”:
Guys always use their exes to get the sympathy of women whom they are interested in.
But if he always talks about her and compares you to her, then he is not worth it. Why he isn’t Mr. Right?
The answer is simple really.
He is a type of guy who cannot commit to you because he is so busy thinking about his ex.
He simply does not have any more room in his mind to think about you.
#3 – Mr. “I deserve more”:
Now men who won’t marry you are those who like you but is still wondering if he deserves more than you.
This is a type of guy who believes that there is a better version of yourself somewhere in the universe.
The thing is that you don’t want to be with a guy who thinks that you are not good enough for him. Deflate his ego and then move on.
#4 – Mr. “I like to hang around with hip and cool young people”:
In some way or the other, we know a guy who still likes to hang around with young people even if he is 15 years their senior.
There is nothing wrong with a CEO wanting to hang around with his employees and thinking that he is cool and hip.
The reason why he isn’t Mr. Right because he has all the tell-tale signs that he will become an irresponsible husband and father because he is not over his youth yet.
#5 – Mr. “I am still figuring out my career”:
If the guy you are seeing is already in his forties and is experiencing a midlife work crisis, then he is not worth marrying.
You have to understand the male psyche such that men need to be settled into their careers before they decide to settle down.
They have to protect their pride and having a relationship is a huge setback to achieving their goals.
#6 – Mr. “I am 50 and has never been married”:
Just because you are dating an older man in his fifties does not mean that you should marry him.
If he has never been married then it means that he has dated hundreds or even thousands of women but never felt any special connection with them.
Now that he is dating you, how sure are you that he loves you enough to marry you or you are just a passing fancy to him?
Moreover, this kind of lifestyle might have already been ingrained to his core that it might make it difficult for him to adjust to another level of your relationship.
#7 – Mr. “I don’t believe in monogamy”:
Men who don’t want to marry you do not believe in monogamy.
They think that he has the role in the world to make every woman happy.
Well, this is just a pathetic excuse to cheat on you.
The thing is that are you willing to marry a man who made his intentions clear that he isn’t marrying you?
#8 – Mr. “The world revolves around me”:
Men with narcissistic and bloated egos always think about themselves.
You don’t really want to marry such a guy because it will hard for him to share his life with you or even discuss things that are not totally about himself.
#9 – Mr. “My kids are the only ones I care about”:
If you are dating a single father, then this can be tricky especially if he is so devoted to his children.
Of course, it is so endearing for you to know that the guy you are dating with is a doting and responsible father.
However, you eventually realize that he only has room for his children.
If you are going to marry this guy, you won’t have any place in his life other than a helping hand to raise his kids.
Remember that marriage also involves romantic love too aside from raising a family.
#10 – Mr. “I find dating other women less exciting”:
A guy who finds dating women less exciting has a real problem with commitments. In fact, it will cause you to wonder why he still continues to date other women if they mean nothing to him.
The answer is that he is a commitment-phobe.
He is someone who is so afraid of commitments that he tries to hide the fact to other people.
Determining that he is not the right type of man for you is very important so that you don’t make any mistakes in deciding that you are indeed dating Mr. Right.
A word to the wise, try talking to her either over the telephone or perhaps in front of her you might be surprised that body language and real-time is good times…
But, if you don’t like my suggestion then do what the above goofs say to do…
Withdrawal is similar to stonewalling, a term coined by veteran marriage researcher John Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute.
This dynamic can become unhealthy cancer in a relationship that only tends to grow and further separate spouses from communicating. Along with criticizing someone, reacting defensively to statements and showing contempt, stonewalling is one of Gottman’s Four Horseman of the Apocalypse that sends couples galloping toward divorce.
But a new study suggests that the avoidance part of the pattern may not be as damaging as counselors once thought — at least not for long-married couples over age 60. The study, led by San Francisco State University psychologist Sarah Holley, followed 127 couples for 13 years, one group ages 40 to 50 and one group of long-married couples, ages 60 to 70. At three points over that time, she videotaped them discussing an area of conflict. Over that period, all of the relationship dynamics between the couples stayed constant, including the amount of blame, pressure, and withdrawal, but there was a dramatic increase among the older couples of how often both the husbands and wives avoided the difficult subject.
In a typical exchange, for example, the wife might say, “You know what, we’ve had this conversation a million times. Let’s agree to disagree. What do you think we should have for dinner?” And the husband might respond, “Do we have any of that lasagna left?”
Holley says that in these older marriages, the avoidance of conflict-laden discussions, especially when mutual, did not seem to lower marital happiness. Invoking the practice, in fact, may be neutral or even positive. And that falls in line with other studies that show that older people tend to see arguments as less important and generally to seek more positive experiences.
That’s part of the natural process of aging, says Stanford University’s Laura Carstensen, a leading researcher on the emotions of the elderly. Their emotions, particularly as expressed in the dynamic of a relationship, are more complex and layered, mixing positive and negative experiences. So when talking about difficult issues, they tend to mix affection with their negative expressions. “From where I sit,” she says, “it looks very enlightened and adaptive.”
In addition, experience may help older couples to be more adept at picking the right fights.
Years of prior conflicts may have taught them to recognize which issues are worth debating and trying to resolve, and which will only devolve into unhealthy bickering.
“I would never advise couples to avoid topics of conflict,” says marital therapist Mark McGonigle, “but I would advise them to avoid certain kinds of arguments.”
They should steer clear, he says, of “discussions” that start with an accusation (You slob!) or a generalized complaint (You never help!).
He suggests that couples with unresolved — or even unresolvable — issues should talk about the topic in a way that helps them understand at a deep level why their partner’s fixed position, their “stake in the ground,” is so important to them.
If they’re at odds over how often to have sex, for example, each should try to find out the other’s “backstory.”
If the wife wants more, McGonigle says, maybe she grew up in a family with little physical contact and if she’s not intimate often, she may start to feel unwanted or unloved.
The husband who wants less sex might have grown up in a pushy, demanding family, and want fewer demands and the ability to say no.
“If they can learn to talk this way without expecting a resolution,” says McGonigle, “but to better understand each other, they get the reward of being known and knowing the other.”
Emotional tone is just as important in avoiding a discussion as in having it, Holley says. Looking at couples in her study, she notes that if they treat each other with affection and understanding, they are much less likely to do harm to their relationship.
Happily married couples say marriage experts, don’t necessarily resolve their conflicts but learn to handle them with warmth and humor.
Does that mean counselors won’t be as militant about pressuring couples to address their conflicts?
Probably not.
Some marriage therapists (who, like Carstensen, have not seen the new study) are not quite ready to accept that avoidance may be associated with positive relationship dynamics.
They remain skeptical of its benefits and wonder if older couples who mutually avoid have, in fact, lost interest.
Any therapist would agree, however, that there are no absolutes when it comes to relationships — and marriages are no exception. So, for younger couples who work at their conflicts with understanding and acceptance, this study shouldn’t discourage them from continuing on that path.
The findings may just give them reassurance that occasionally agreeing to disagree could do more for keeping the marriage alive than attempting to resolve every dispute — and leave more time for enjoying the lasagna — together.
But first, some history. Up until the 1980s, S&M (sadomasochism) was classified as an actual mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association. Which is pretty disconcerting considering studies have found that 36 percent of American adults admitted to using bondage tools during sex.
2. Spanking can be a catalyst for pleasure and excitement.
When we’re enjoying a certain sex act, whatever that sex act may be, our brains are flooded with feel-good chemicals, most notably the neurotransmitter dopamine. How pain plays into this game is pretty rad. According to an article from the journal Nature Reviews Neuroscience, there are far more similarities between how our brains process pleasure and pain than we ever knew before.
“Spanking can enhance excitement and physical sensations; increase adrenalin, endorphins, and oxytocin; explore and maybe push the line between pleasure and pain; increase intimacy and bonding,” explains Dulcinea Pitagora, a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and founder of the series, KinkDoctor.
3. This excitement likely stems from a sense of the taboo.
Dr. Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist and author of Single But Dating, says that we are inherently excited by anything that seems naughty and different. “It’s not rocket science when we consider this is how we also get enjoyment out of life. We like to push the boundaries and especially when sexual boredom could be at play, any sexual act that is even a bit different excites us.”
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4. Control plays a big role in the sexual release of spanking.
The sadomasochistic practice of sexual spanking is about more than just the brain converting feelings of physical pain into a rush of delightful dopamine. There’s also the psychological release of power. According to Psychology Today, “The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other, deciding what that person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell, and feel.”
“It feels good to be totally in control, and sometimes it’s nice to be totally submissive. The power play is a way to break free from the roles we’re trapped in during our everyday lives, and it can be a powerful release,” says Sandra LaMorgese, Ph.D.
5. There are many therapeutic benefits to spanking.
A submissive finds therapy, stress-relief, and a sense of calm through the relinquishment of their power. Giving someone total control over you transfers your worries and psychological burdens onto the other person. “Still others describe the stress release as an escape from self-awareness and compulsive thinking and processing of emotions,” says Pitagora.
She adds that practitioners of spanking describe it as an opportunity to enter into a consensual, time-bound interaction with someone they trust and feel close to, where they are free to let go and stop thinking about other things for a bit. “When body chemistry changes in a rush of pleasure and adrenaline, and then come back down to baseline and levels out, that trajectory can result in a very calm and zen-like feeling.”
6. Some use BDSM and spanking to deal with trauma.
There are conflicting thoughts among experts and researchers on whether or not spanking can be used as a true form of therapy, but it *can* be a coping mechanism for those dealing with trauma. Sure, it’s a surreal concept for those who have never flirted with BDSM before, but La Morgese says it’s more common than you might think. “Just Google ‘spanking therapy’—it’s all focused on positivity, healing, and working through issues in a safe, supportive space. Think of it as a form of massage.”
It’s about remembering how intertwined our physical and mental sensations are, too. Forget yoga: “For some, spanking is a way to let go, relax, and surrender to physical sensation so they can have a clearer and calmer mind.”
7. People within the kink community seek each other out for comfort and healing.
The kink community can be a place to grow and learn about yourself. It isn’t all scary dungeons and the stuff of nightmares, but a faction of like-minded individuals exploring sexuality. So long as people’s rules, boundaries, and consent are being respected, says Dr. Goldstein, “It’s a world where people’s emotions and well-being is paramount.”
She uses aftercare as an example, where a dominant will nurture a submissive after a sexual act and bring them back to reality by holding them and comforting them. “There is so much care there that someone with trust issues and problems with personal boundaries could benefit from.”
Like all businesses, it is based in a supply and demand economy. If nobody’s jerking off to it, it won’t get made. To pretend that porn is pushing an agenda of sexual violence on innocent and impressionable vanilla humans is to forget who porn is created for in the first place. As performer Conner Habib says, “You don’t change a culture by telling people their consensual sexual fantasies are wrong or interrogating those desires into silence because they violate your political views. It doesn’t work; the desires will always win out.” (See also: the folly of “end demand” rhetoric in regard to sex work.)
2. Porn is designed for people above the age of 18.
True, many teenagers somehow find access to porn. Porn is not going to parent your children for you. It is not going to install net nanny controls on your computer, it is not going to teach your child about sexual health in a positive manner. Because that’s not porn’s job; it’s yours. But it’s easier to attack porn than it is to have a frank conversation with your children about sex.
3. Porn is not sex ed.
The Fast and the Furious movies aren’t made to teach you how to drive. Don’t complain about porn informing ill sexual ideals in society; complaint about society looking to porn for sex ed because it can’t access it anywhere else. (My friend Ani Easton Baker is currently creating a documentary about this problem.) If you’re horrified by some of the content you’ve seen in porn, see #1, and start to look at things like patriarchal conditioning and toxic masculinity that might condition the desires you find unseemly (even though over half of women report having fantasies about things like non-consent). Do not expect porn to educate people about sex, and do not make porn your scapegoat for the lack of sufficient sex education in America.
4. Porn is not responsible for your boyfriend’s/husband’s/partner’s behavior.
Alcohol is also not responsible for people’s behavior but it’s easier to hate a young attractive female performer than a bottle. If your relationship is suffering due to your partner’s porn habits, allow me to suggest that your partner’s porn habits may be due to the fact that your relationship is suffering, or that your partner has intimacy issues that wouldn’t be solved by porn disappearing. Many marriages suffer due to a husband’s golf habit but I don’t see anyone attacking Tiger Woods. You and your partner are both responsible for your habits of consumption and the ways you connect sexually and emotionally with each other.
5. Porn performers and producers face a huge stigma in society.
There are support groups out there for performers to be able to find careers after porn. Performers are the subject of immense targeting and violence online due to the shame and rage of a large portion of their audience. Many people aren’t secure enough to consider serious relationships with them but will still try fuck with them anyway due to their repressed lust. THEY DO NOT NEED YOU ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE. And if you are already working elsewhere in the realm of sexuality, double shame on you, because you should know this already. Porn performers make ENORMOUS sacrifices to do the work that they do.
6. The porn industry is already under attack from legislation.
Maybe you didn’t see the tireless efforts that performers/producers made getting up at 4am to get on a bus to speak before Cal/OSHA to protest Measure B, a piece of legislation that would have allowed civilians to sue producers and win money if the performers were not all wearing condoms at all times. This means a performer could be sued by ANYONE for uploading content of themselves and their monogamous partner having unprotected sex – doubly frightening when you consider how rageful people love harassing performers, to begin with (see #5). Yes, you read that right – and that’s just one bill of many proposed to curtail porn production. http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-in-lawsuit-condoms-porn-settlement-20160128-story.html
7. Porn performers/producers are at risk at any point of having their bank accounts, PayPal accounts, and Patreon accounts frozen with no warning, with no way to access their funds.
This scare has gone so deep that PayPal has even frozen the funds of a BURLESQUE PERFORMER. I had my own Patreon frozen last month and I am not even an adult content producer (they reopened it when I inquired, providing no explanation for why it was shut down in the first place).
8. In addition to having their financial accounts frozen, porn performers/producers have trouble bringing their work to any sites due to those platforms’ fears of adult content, even if the content they are posting is not actually adult (eg, censored Instagram photos to advertise paid membership clips).
This is not getting better – with the advent of SESTA/FOSTA, it is getting worse. If you work in the field of sexuality in any manner whatsoever, you should be afraid. And you should be defending the porn industry’s right to exist because it’s always the marginalized fringe that the fascists come for first to see what they can get away with, and it will be you they come for next.
Back to Conner Habib:
“This is how this will happen:
First, eliminate escorting sites.
Then, eliminate porn.
Then institutionalize trans people.
Then instigate violence against gays/lesbians.
Then, overturn abortion rights.
Then, repeal domestic abuse laws.
Then… Wait, do I need to keep listing?”
This doesn’t mean that all porn is beyond reproach. If you wish to reform porn, call out studios that treat performers unethically, that do not provide sufficient on-set safety, that does not pay performers fairly, that manipulate or flat-out violate performers’ consent during filming, that does not have diverse hiring practices. Make your own porn that depicts the sexuality you want to see in the world. Then you’ll be an indie porn producer too and you’ll see how fucking difficult it is to do the work you want to do and just exist without people stigmatizing you.
I am not here to debate any of this, and any bigoted, SWERFist, or scapegoating comments will be immediately deleted and you will be immediately blocked from my page. I am writing this to give those of you who previously held anti-porn sentiments the benefit of the doubt that you were operating under ignorance rather than hatred. Now that you know, you have no further excuse.
A recent study found that 60 percent of college students have been in a “friends with benefits” relationship, but that the possibility for romantic feelings — and a lack of communication — can complicate such an arrangement.
That may seem fairly obvious. But the study, published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, focused on why college students have these relationships at all. Researchers from Wayne State University and Michigan State University asked 125 undergraduates why they would or wouldn’t have sex with a friend, and what the advantages or disadvantages would be.
Two-thirds of participants said they had been in a “friends with benefits” relationship, and 36 percent said they currently were in one. The main advantage of such a relationship was “no commitment” (reported by 59.7 percent of participants), which was followed closely by “have sex” (55.6 percent).
More than half of those who had sex with a friend said they had engaged in all forms of sex; 22.7 percent said they had intercourse only, while 8 percent said they did everything but have intercourse.
“[The relationships] were perceived as providing a relatively safe and convenient environment for recreational sex,” write Melissa A. Bisson and Timothy R. Levine, the study’s lead researchers.
The biggest reported disadvantage of this recreational sex was the possibility that feelings would develop (65.3 percent). Other worries included “harm friendship” (28.2 percent) and “cause negative emotions” (27.4 percent). Concern over pregnancy and STDs, listed as “negative consequences of sex,” came in at only 9.7 percent.
The second part of the study asked 90 college students — all of whom had been in at least one “friends with benefits” relationship — what sorts of questions came up once they began sleeping with their friend, and how they went about answering those questions.
While approximately half admitted to having questions of uncertainty in the relationship, 84.4 percent said they never initiated any discussion; furthermore, 73.3 percent said there was no ground-rules negotiation involved.
The findings hardly indicate that people have evolved to the point where “friends with benefits” relationships will replace traditional romantic couplings, Levine tells LiveScience.
“Romantic relationships have always been around,” he said. Recreational sex “really requires either effective birth control or women to be economically independent or both to be viable, and both are relatively recent in human evolution.”
Sally Law has written about health and sexuality for the Cleveland Clinic and has appeared regularly as a guest host on Sirius Radio. Her column, The Science of Sex, appears weekly on LiveScience.
The first was this one, about the tendency of self-identified submissive women to have a history of abusive relationships.
I’ve touched on that concept in this post about emotional labor (the submissive woman’s desire to give it and the narcissist’s desire to take it), but here are the parts from today that struck me, edited together for brevity:
[Submissive women] are motivated by a deep desire to please.
Every submissive woman I have ever personally known has been through a number of abusive relationships.
She gives and men take and take and it becomes abusive. Weak men with self-esteem issues are often drawn to these women, which compounds the problem.
It takes enormous strength and experience to take from a woman like this (which is what she needs) without abusing her.
Your job is to soak up all her love and affection and attention, help her find ways to please you, while supporting and strengthening her as a person.
In a relationship like this, trust is the one thing that cannot be repaired. If you damage it, you now go into the same pile of “men who hurt her” and you will never truly be trusted again.
At this point in my blog I don’t think I have to repeat the specifics of my past relationship with a Dominant with a mind control fetish (if you’re a newcomer, you can read here and here to bring yourself up to speed), but suffice it to say I have noticed myself feeling more than a little Jessica Jonesy around my kink lately.
I feel like when I get into a submissive headspace it’s possible for me to lose a lot of my good judgment because part of what it means to submit is to suspend judgment, which allows for surrender.
But I’m feeling like oh god if I’m mind controlled again I might do things that are counter to my best interests.
And I worry that if I just choose self-preservation I’ll miss out on my erotic bliss, which is my favorite thing and without which life feels bleak.
But I’ve noticed several instances in the past few months where my surrender seems anchored to an anxiety trigger, and I’m not sure how to fix that.
I understand that there are a lot of self-protective coping mechanisms surrounding me because it’s hard to tell the kind of surrender that is transformative shamanic ordeal from the kind of surrender that is selling your soul to the devil, and once that oxytocin bond kicks in even the devil can look pretty appealing.
Mostly I have to calculate which potential partners have a favorable risk/reward ratio in terms of my experiencing their dominance and then safeguard against anyone else who might be trying to exploit me, and in those defenses I end up looking less than submissive from the outside (at least on my social media anyway), and I start to worry about the way my submissive market value might appear to any potential dominant partners in my future who might google me.
I’m not sure my skill at surrender comes across well when I keep talking about how much I have to protect it.
Suffice it to say, when you have a fetish for granting mindless obedience, you have to really know who you can trust with that shit.
“You’re addicted to surrender,”one of my mentors admonished me recently. When you consider that idea, my kink becomes much more complicated. Back in early fall I was texting to try to meet up with a person with whom I had been in a fairly toxic spiral, and the friend who was with me as I waited on a response turned to me in the midst of my staring compulsively at my phone and said, “Have you ever hung out with an addict?”
To put this in perspective, while I feared Jessica Jones would be a wellspring of PTSD flashbacks for me, it turns out I actually felt a howling nostalgia for the single-minded passion of Kilgrave’s victims.
The simplicity of obedience is such a goddamned relief to this overly analytical mind, even when (especially when?) that obedience requires so much self-sacrifice on my part that it ends up being indistinguishable from self-destruction.
I want to believe that such an alignment of my actions with another person’s best interests is possible to do in a healthy manner with someone ethical, but you’re really tempting Jesus in the desert with that one, aren’t you?
Photo by Steve Prue
Back to Twitter: the second post that came up on my feed was this thread by @borderlinefemme, in which she analyzes the relationship of mental illness in women to both abuse and stigma.
She cites a survey from Psychological Medicine which states that 40% of women with severe mental illnesses had suffered rape or attempted rape, as compared to 7% of the total female population, and then goes on to describe the villainization of women with borderline personality disorder (BPD) as “either femmes fatales, harpies, or unstable emotional bitches” — basically, imperfect victims.
And when you remember that one of the symptoms of BPD is an intense fear of abandonment, that means that many women with BPD will learn to go to extreme efforts to avoid becoming the emotional caricature of their disorder that would cause people to leave them:
borderline women aren’t allowed to be angry. our angry is too scary, it’s too hurtful, it’s too much. bc borderline woman is expected to get angry, we’re now trying to repress it. so I like I assume many others have just shut it down.
if I allow myself to show off my anger, people will leave almost immediately. there’s no chance at redemption. so I get sad instead.
now we’ve replaced anger with sadness. and that sadness may be incredibly annoying and redundant but it’s more acceptable than a mad woman. and who is easy to abuse? the sad girl.
the girl is bottling it all in and submitting to the apathy that is expected. ~try to be chill~ bc again, that sadness may cause friends/lovers to become irritated but not enough to leave & despite the abuse we don’t want to be abandoned.
once you’ve seen a woman with a disorders madness, can you ever perceive her as nice or even stable again?
borderline women are paying the price for this. our relationships, health, the perception of self.
anger is not a privilege we are entitled to.
I don’t know if I ever suffered from BPD. It’s hard to tell personality disorders from trauma reactions, just as it’s hard to tell learning secure attachment patterns from absorbing the culture of chill, just as it’s hard to tell depression from being surrounded by assholes.
When in the midst of a depressive episode in 2011 I went to a clinic to speak to a team of psychological evaluators, I ran through a list of BPD symptoms and explained how it could be an “intense fear of abandonment” that caused me to become a seduction coach and which might also account for my submissive orientation since there is a security that comes in being told exactly what to do in order to be pleasing to one’s partner, and suggested since my book had just come out that perhaps I had managed to build an entire career on the backs of my demons.
The doctors just stared at me like I was from another planet, and eventually, the episode passed and I just got on with my life.
I will, however, say this much: I don’t feel I have ever been allowed to express anger in a relationship. In my aforementioned D/s relationship in my early 20s, my partner shamed me for expressing anger and retreated from any issue I got emotional about. When we got our neuro-linguistic programming certifications, I learned the NLP tenet “The meaning of your communication is the response that you get,” and started taking responsibility for how my words were landing. And since I was dating a selfish Dominant, the best way to get my needs met was to please him and hope for an intermittent reward.
This habit of allowing anger to squeeze out only in the calmest, most rational and even-toned sentences has stayed with me ever since. Even in the wake of my breakup at the beginning of 2015, which was so sudden and without warning that I really should have been given plenty of space to rage and process, I sent my former lover a text message a day later expressing something that was angering me, and he accused me of “haranguing.” So I stopped texting and dropped the subject. Better to swallow my anger in silence than to be branded an overemotional harpy. (Oh silence. I could write an entire post on the nature of silence, and maybe one day I will. In short, to express anger is often to make a request that can be ruthlessly denied, and to make a request so important it comes out as anger only to have it denied by your loved one is a risk too painful to bear.)
So how do these two posts relate, and why did seeing them on Twitter consecutively send me into an emotional tizzy today?
Well, as I wrote about a few months ago, kink often gets conflated (sometimes accurately, sometimes not) with trauma and abuse history, which can also be a cause of mental illness such as PTSD.
In some cases, BDSM relationships can even attract abusers under the guise of dominance as sanctioned abuse and even cause PTSD, Jessica Jones-style.
But to take that a step further, according to the Handbook of Gender Research in Psychology, when presented with identical patient symptoms, doctors will more often diagnose men with PTSD and women with BPD. (Seriously read that link, it’s fucked up.) Translation?
Men experience pain from trauma in their lives, but bitches are crazy.
Synthesizing all the information above draws the conclusion that women who identify as submissive are more likely to attract abusers, more likely to be gaslighted for reacting to abuse, more likely to be stigmatized for talking about abuse, and more likely to be punished and ostracized for being angry about it. Because kinky women are too often assumed to be mentally ill, and a mentally ill woman expressing anger is a short fuse away from boiling your bunny.
Sometimes I feel like fighting for my submission is an uphill battle (seriously how hard should it be to want to please someone?), and slut-shame is only a very small part of my adversary.
Sometimes I feel like I am sacrificing my own emotional life just to be low-maintenance, because being low-maintenance is a desirable quality in a submissive, and I so wish to be a desirable submissive.
I’d like to say that the right partner will honor my emotions when I express them in a clear and rational manner, and in fact will reward my carefully cultivated communication skills by listening to me and taking me seriously.
But the truth is even my fellow relationship coaching colleagues sometimes have trouble believing in the insecurities I talk about because I have spent so much time cultivating ease and attractiveness and because I speak about my issues with such a detached rationality.
Like, isn’t it weird that the more transparent you try to be about your vulnerabilities, the more people think you’re brave?
The other night I was hanging out in a hot tub with my friend Destin, who’s a tantric energy worker, and he did some light energy movement on me.
“Wow,” he said when we were through, “you have a lot more going on in your root chakra than I thought.”
“Oh?” I asked. “Yeah, that’s where issues about self-worth, right to existence, and trust all happen.”
I looked at him and said, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell everyone but nobody believes me!“
I am having some issues with trust because I am a submissive, and because I wish to be a desirable submissive I’m having trouble expressing my issues with trust.
And trusting myself seems to defeat the point of surrender.
The bliss of surrender comes from not having to make my own decisions, and there’s a very fine line between surrendering to the unknown and not taking responsibility for fucking up your life.
Luckily it’s been a long time since my surrender caused me to fuck up my life (and even then at least I’m getting a good memoir out of it?), but I also haven’t found many places where it feels worthwhile to surrender lately either.
I wish that everyone in the world possessed ethics, integrity, and trustworthiness — I would just go around being submissive all the time.
But in the meantime, I’d at least like a little more compassion for the emotions that I put into my service as well as the stuff that’s going to naturally come up in the course of a relationship.
Because even the best of people will hurt you unintentionally, and I need to feel that my pain/trauma will be acknowledged if I bring it up without it meaning that I’m crazy, irrational, or “haranguing” in the way that women, particularly kinky women, are unfairly labeled.
This is all to say that BDSM is a healthy and consensual form of expression—in fact, the current BDSM 4C Consent Model is based around caring, communication, consent, and caution. “Fully engaged kink insists on full presence without pretense and the willingness to connect your raw humanity to another’s raw humanity,” says sex writer Midori.
While not every trauma survivor will find BDSM healing, it has been proven to work for some because of the direct correlation between trauma work and a BDSM “scene” (the scene refers to the act of play people are practicing). “BDSM taught me to use my voice and speak out when lines had been crossed,”
Angie, a trauma survivor, tells GO. This most often works for people who are already kinky and want to use this as a tool to assist their healing.
The goal of trauma work is empowerment for the survivor.
Psychologists use a specific three-step process to work through traumatic events with their clients.
This three-step process closely mimics the three stages of a BDSM scene.
However, it’s important to remember that there’s a difference between trauma reenactment and trauma mastery.
A scene could go wrong and re-traumatize someone if they’re seeking to reenact their trauma with no boundaries or safe words.
That’s basically like allowing the trauma to be in the driver’s seat of a car while barreling 100 miles per hour down the freeway in the opposite direction.
Practicing BDSM as a modality to work through trauma should be about mastering the trauma.
You should be in the driver’s seat the whole time while occasionally looking over at your trauma tucked in its booster seat.
Phase one
of trauma work with a psychologist is all about skills building. You work on creating stable coping mechanisms and boundaries for yourself around triggers. Which ties to the first step of a kink scene—it’s all about negotiation. You figure out with your partner(s) what everyone’s hard no’s are, what kind of play you want to participate in, what your safe words or actions are. All of this is integral for the scene to be safe and consensual.
The second step
for working through trauma is about mindful and controlled exposure. The therapist usually exposes their client to talking about and remembering details of the trauma in a safer space to be able to process through it. This allows the trauma to exist in a container, separate to rest of everyday life.
In a BDSM scene, the second aspect is the play.
BDSM play is a chance to experience pain, fear, excitement, arousal, and adrenalin in a safe and contained way.
You get to decide what type of scene you want to do—whether the suspension, needle play or role play—and if you’re the submissive, you’re allowed to safeword out if you begin to feel triggered.
Which makes it a safer place to explore trauma.
This is very interesting because both these roles are respectful, to each other, they are drawn to the same kinky and must have this in this relationship which is – respect, safety, loyalty, consensual, the communication between these two must at all times be very present it is the highest of the BDSM reals as the most desired roleplay act two people can do and to me that is beautiful!
“Safe, sane and consensual, in this case, also means the Dom isn’t just in control, it means you are responsible for watching your subs every reaction. If the lights go out, assume the worst, not sub space*,”
* An altered state of consciousness that the BDSM community refers to as sub-space is a pleasurable and timeless, almost floating feeling due to the temporary reduction in prefrontal-cortex brain activity.
The final process for trauma work is integration. The therapist works with the client to integrate back into daily life and use the skills from step one in case of triggers. It’s basically like the savasana pose in Yoga.
If you skip that pose after a Yoga practice, you’ll feel all weird and incomplete when you leave the class.
This is all similar to the last aspect of a BDSM scene which is aftercare.
You check in with each other on how the scene was, what worked and what didn’t, and what you want to try at higher intensity next time.
This check-in can continue for a week after the experience since the way you process an experience isn’t always immediate.
After experiencing a traumatic event, where you felt utterly powerless, hopeless, feared death would result or felt invaded—taking back control over your body can be extremely empowering. It’s an act of reclamation in the face of fear.
Your body becomes a medium of healing through these cathartic scenes. Some rape survivors even choose to play out a scene similar to their rape—but with a different end result.
They walk feeling a huge sense of release and healing.
Which makes so much sense, because trauma can play in a loop in your brain until you break that cycle with different or new information.
The power of a visceral experience has been studied in psychology—mainly in a negative sense related to PTSD.
There is actually growing evidence that the reverse is true.
Scientists are now studying psychedelic therapy and how induced mystical states of intense visceral experiences can positively impact (sometimes even cure) conditions like depression, PTSD and anxiety.
This is what Angie says about herself
“When I first started exploring BDSM it definitely had nothing to do with healing.
I just wanted to explore my sexuality and BDSM seemed like a logical road to go down,” Angie tells GO. “I learned that I could establish hard boundaries during play that ended up helping me to learn to fully relax and enjoy being in the moment with my partner. I wasn’t focused on protecting myself or waiting for the other shoe to drop. After play I’ve experienced sub drop that was pretty shame intense. But because we, my partners and I, had established a relationship of trust before hand, it helped to navigate that moment.”
Angie’s experience mirrors many survivors who have felt lost in their attempts to re-navigate their sexuality after trauma. Knowing that it’s okay to experience pleasure again—especially if your trauma has somehow informed your sexual experiences—looks like something different for everyone. But you deserve pleasure.
And if BDSM can help you heal, cum and explore your trauma in a safe environment, why not allow yourself that freedom?
In conclusion of this post I believe there are many good and valuable areas of this lifestyle, however, in selecting this I suggest you really think about it and do your research on this lifestyle before entering it because it isn’t for those that think that 50 shades of bullshit is what that movie represented and not at all this lifestyle.
Me personally, I am only in the last 12 months have started to understand my own reasons to who I am and the why I do what I do… it is very important however, that you do alot of inner soul searching and find a good theraphist to understand or at least help you understand yourself .
That is the tricky part lovely ones it will be difficult to locate those that get it.. so do your research and if you do find anyone let me know because I would love to pick their brain about their thoughts on this possible theraphy that I do believe could help those that have been abused.
Love and best wishes Candii xx
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can seek help by calling the Australian Sexual Hotline is: (08) 9227 6177
The divulging of your sexuality towards other people is commonly referred to as ‘coming out’.
This is a specific rite of passage for young gays whereby they not only acknowledge their sexuality, but they begin to tell other people such as their family and close friends, about their sexual orientation.
Coming out is an intensely personal process, and many people experience both positive and negative stories when it comes to their coming out.
In today’s society, particularly in Western Culture, coming out is often deemed to be not a big issue.
Though, try telling that to the person who is struggling with their sexuality and has conservative parents.
Coming out as a young person has unique and different challenges to coming out as an older person, and the experiences can be profoundly different.
People will ultimately come from a wide range of ethnic, religious, class and racial backgrounds which will directly influence their experiences as they come out.
These social standings can affect an individual’s safety, or even their family’s safety and coming out can risk the loss of friendships, relationships and family all because you are exploring your passionate nature.
Ignoring your passions towards relationships is not something that can be done, as ignoring your feelings will often cause great pain, fear, and anxiety.
It’s a different experience for everyone. Thus, coming out as a white, able-bodied young Australian will be a profoundly different experience than that of an African Immigrant living in a low socio-economic area of New York.
Aside from these challenges, there are many more challenges to coming out as an older male, especially if one has denied or repressed their sexuality in their youth and have begun to raise a family.
Older generations were raised in a society and grew up in a time of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell‘ and many people have successfully hidden and/or repressed their sexuality until much later in life.
The question then becomes; why did they hide it?
There’s a variety of reasons as to why people might choose to hide or ignore their sexuality.
Most teenagers, and arguably this is part of being part of a teenager, will naturally reach a point in their lives whereby they will test where the bounds of sex and sexuality sit, and they will explore these boundaries.
It can be an incredibly frustrating and confusing time especially when society expects that you will fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, have children and grow old together and you’re simply not sharing or feeling like that.
At this stage, some people might fundamentally reject their feelings on religious grounds, upbringing, or they might develop intense negative feelings surrounding the issue of sexuality and as a result, will push down on those feelings until they no longer exist.
Coming Out is Distressing
This can pose significant issues later in life, and ultimately they’re setting themselves up until they have reached a point when they can no longer deny their feelings.
They have given a lifestyle of heterosexuality their best shot and it’s simply no longer viable.
They have attempted to conform to societal expectations of getting married, having children, and it’s not until they get to later on in lives that they realise that there have been profoundly important things about themselves with which they have neglected, or not acknowledged.
Other people might simply not have the capacity to understand or interpret their feelings of attraction because they had deemed it to be as abnormal, or wrong. In that regard, is not surprising that a lot of baby boomers wait until later in life when they decide to come out, and it’s usually as a result of their lives becoming simply unbearable as a result of hiding who they truly are. Coming out when you’re young is difficult. Coming out when you’re older has significantly more challenges, and arguably, is a lot harder than coming out when young. We’ve compiled a short list of the difficulties that older people might face when they decide to come out later in life.
1. Being Gay And Married:-
Owing to the fact that many people try and repress their sexuality, they will conform to social, familial and religious pressures and decide to get married. Though it is important to note that not all religions have strong stances on homosexuality.
does not have a single school of thought when it comes to homosexuality and is simply merely discouraged.
In any event, people might conform to the popular belief that it’s not accepted and continue on a heterosexual lifestyle.
They might do this in the hope that their homosexual feelings will go away, or they might find themselves in a deep state of denial, or they simply might feel that their feelings are nothing but a phase and representative of the feeling of ‘cold feet’ of getting married.
Many mature gay men have stated that the reason that they got married was that they’d hoped that the feelings would go away, they loved their wives, they considered their wives their best friends and soul mates but rather than happiness and bliss for their lifetime together, all they would feel was an overwhelming sense of infidelity and deceit as they discovered that the feelings wouldn’t go away.
They might try marriage counseling or some form of couples counseling, but inevitably it’s not going to work.
Coming Out To Your Wife Can Be Devastating
Often they can hide and repress this for years, the distractions of life, and growing older play a great part in a person’s ability to ignore what’s underneath as they traverse life, climb the social/work ladder, buy a house, plan for a family and so on and so forth.
One of the worst aspects of being both married and gay is the understanding that the moment that you come out, that there is potentially going to be a lot of hurt, pain, and anger from his wife.
This can be devastating and cause chaos in people’s lives and is probably one of the most challenging aspects of coming out when you’re older.
Especially since he might love his wife, considers her his best friend and feels that coming out will ultimately hurt her.
For some, they simply cannot take this and will either resort to drastic measures or simply engage in infidelity until they get caught out.
2. Parenthood:-
Through trying to repress ones sexuality, they might decide to get married. From there, they might end up being parents.
Becoming a parent also serves as a distraction-like tool in the repression of sexuality and some might see the prospect of having children to be worth it in staying in the closet because it provides them with opportunities that they may not have been able to have as a gay male.
Today, however, there are many options for queer people to fulfill their dreams of becoming parents, and these technologies were simply not available 30 years ago.
Other people feel that being a parent is more important than their sexuality, as they fear that any decision to come out after having children, could negatively impact them.
As such, there are a lot of people who acknowledge being gay early on in their marriage but who have already had children, they decide to repress their sexuality until their children are old enough to understand.
To some people, the idea of providing a loving and nurturing environment for their children is a far more important endeavor.
3. The idea of Lost Youth:-
Being young is about making mistakes, it’s about embarking on life with the training wheels firmly attached and it is a state of learning and growing.
What about the idea though, that you start off life in the development of a particular lifestyle, only to discover that that’s not for you?
You essentially, in part have to start again.
This is a common train of thought for older people who have come out later in life and they might get the impression that they have to go out into the world and make up for lost time.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to make up for lost time, what’s past has already passed. Mature Gay Adults who have only recently come out, however, will often find themselves behaving and acting like the teen they never got to be in an effort to make up for lost time.
It’s almost considered to be in the same vein as having a mid-life crisis – even the most placid and calm of people might suddenly turn into a raging teen at the candy store lusting and drooling after all the new things in the world that they can experience.
It’s tricky. Others might feel such a sense of shame and inadequacy that it makes them vulnerable to forms of abuse, and they may be plagued with unhappiness regarding the sense that they’re supposed to be an adult, and all of a sudden they’re a child in a world that they didn’t know much about.
In either circumstance, however, there is cause for concern.
Not only in forms of abuse either from being sexually assaulted or financial as a result of this vulnerability, and in young people potentially seeking a sugar daddy where the older gay male is looking for love, but also in the sense that sex and dating conquests may not necessarily equate to a healthy sexual lifestyle.
4. Family Acceptance:-
One of the most important things that people yearn for when they decide to come out of the closet, is that it won’t adversely affect their relationship with their family.
It’s a fundamental need and desire to be loved and accepted by your family.
When people start coming out in their 30’s, 40’s or even beyond there are some families which will struggle with this new found status.
Some members of the family might be unable to accept the sudden change, in the sense that who you’ve been for the majority of your life has now suddenly changed.
They may not be able to transcend past the idea of how they remember or know who their child, brother, sister, the nephew was.
There’s really no way in telling if the experience is going to be a positive or negative experience.
Especially when some people support the idea of being gay, and they can’t get past the feeling that they had been deceived the majority of your life in regards to the gay person.
5. Family acceptance
Will also extend to the in-laws.
It is highly unlikely that a young gay male will be married in his teens, and as such, will never have to deal with the prospect of telling his in-laws about his sexuality.
People in their 30’s and beyond may have found themselves married, and have acquired a set of in-laws through their partner.
Gay people who come out later in life might have to deal with telling the in-laws about their sexuality.
Though, in some respects, it should be very much considered to be similar to a divorce – whereby the in-laws will either accept you’re coming out, will struggle to remain civil and polite, or they might even be glad to see the back of you.
Having grandchildren involved in this situation is certainly going to complicate things and realistically you should speak to your partner privately first, and have a discussion about the in-laws.
6. Youth Vs Truth:-
This one is partly driven by the shallowness of the queer community and the ideals associated with beauty.
Whereas many people subscribe to the idea that you’re only as old as you feel, it can be quite apparent when someone is desperately trying to cling onto their youth by either wearing inappropriate clothes or embarking on a lifestyle that isn’t representative of their age.
Common problems with coming out later in life circle around an individual’s insecurities – they feel that they’re well beyond the age of getting into the gay scene, or that they’re not in good enough shape to be taken seriously.
From here, one of two things will generally happen. You will go into over-drive and desperately seek to become the most ideal and often stereotypical gay man that you could be.
Or, you might find yourself in a pit of despair and feel that you’re just never going to be good enough and settle for a relationship, or a particular circumstance that is far less than what you deserve.
Neither of these scenarios are the healthiest.
The healthiest approach that one can take is simply let loose, be yourself and try to find your way on your own with the knowledge that there are countless others who are in exactly the same position that you are.
7. Baggage:-
This is one of the tougher ones and can really hit a person where it hurts.
When you’ve been married and you’ve got kids, there are many people out there who will consider you to be a person that’s carrying too much baggage.
However, it’s a similar situation to when going through a standard divorce, with the only difference is that you’re now dealing with a lot of issues and thoughts regarding your own sexuality and invariably it’s a lot of stuff happening at once. If you hear this said to you, it’s going to hurt. But just find comfort and solace in the idea that it’s certainly not an isolated occurrence and that you’re but one in a pool of people trying to find their way. Just like older people going through a divorce, you may find comfort in the idea of not necessarily embarking on looking for a relationship with someone that doesn’t have baggage of their own, but rather looking for someone that also wants to be serious and might be coming with their own baggage.
8. Training Wheels:-
You’ve spent the last x amount of years subscribing to a particular lifestyle, and now you have to change that.
Sex is going to be a major component of that, and it can be quite emasculating to discover that you’re considered to be absolutely clueless around sex.
You’re not alone, there’s no manual on having sex or gay relationships, and chances are that when you’re looking for someone else that’s also single they haven’t managed to understand the idea of relationships either!
9. Love:-
Mature people will often feel that they can’t be loved.
They’re often in an already vulnerable state having to deal with all of the above problems, and rather than playing the field and determining who they are attracted to, they’ll often find comfort in the idea of settling down with the first person that shows any interest in them. Monogamous relationships form their primary focus and whilst there’s no harm in this – if you’re specifically looking to form a monogamous relationship then there’s a chance that it can actually stop you from getting into a relationship. The best advice in this regard, play the field.
10. Life Stressors:-
This is often the most difficult, and can directly impact all of the previous issues when it comes to coming out when you’re older.
The fact is, that there might simply be too much going on at once.
You might be dealing with a divorce, you might be dealing and trying to do the best for your kids, you might be trying to find a new place to live, and you might also be trying to work out the intricacies of gay life, sex, and relationships.
That can be a lot of pressure and stress all at once. Take a step back, breathe and deal with the things as they come.
You might not have all the experience of a gay male, but you have a variety of different experiences and challenges that you have overcome just to make it to this point in your life and, surely, that’s worth something.
I myself am a late bloomer. I am now happier through coming out. I have written these challenges both as a result of what I myself have experienced, and what others in my support network have experienced.
Coming out is not easy at whatever stage of life that you’re in and I absolutely subscribe to the words of Comedian Todd Glass when he states that “everyone comes out at exactly the same time…when they’re ready.”.
I first had an idea that I was gay in my late teens, and this was during the start of the HIV Epidemic.
I didn’t stay closeted for fear of the HIV scare, I attempted to embark on a lifestyle of heterosexual living because I felt guilty, because of fear, and due to a need to please others, like my family.
I don’t believe or view that decision as a mistake, from that choice I feel I was gifted with a beautiful and wonderful relationship with an amazing and patient woman, who gave me two daughters who I love to the ends of the world and who have certainly made my life worth living.
My family has been able to provide me with the strength that I needed to develop the emotional maturity that would later form the foundations of my confidence and acceptance.
Despite coming out when I was older, I have since found myself, I am now true to myself and I could never ask for anything more.
CANDII KRUSH DATING SITE is a part of a major dating network called Dating Factory. Our system combines years of experience in online dating and the latest technology to create safe, enjoyable and easy to use dating websites.
Our main priority is to keep our members happy. Advanced technology and communication features give you instant access to millions of members worldwide and hundreds near to you.
An Advanced search function helps you to find exactly your type of person.
We are constantly adding new features and we would appreciate your feedback about the ones you like the most.
We want you to feel comfortable in our growing dating community, so our experienced team is available 24/7 to provide support, help, and advice on using the site.
What is the difference between a free member and a paid member?
CANDII KRUSH DATING SITE has two types of membership – Free Trial and Gold Members. Gold members can also subscribe to VIP.
Trial members can:
create and update their own profiles
add or remove pictures and videos to/from their profiles
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view other members’ default pictures
send and respond to chat requests from VIP users
send and receive winks
add members to Friends and Blocked
update profile settings
receive latest matches to the external mailbox
Gold members can:
have all the features that Trial members have
send and reply to an unlimited number of emails and winks
view other members’ galleries
use text, voice and video chat without restrictions
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get listed in dedicated Featured profiles galleries
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Bowlby’s hands-on experience led him to postulate on the importance of the child’s relationship with their mother in terms of developing cognitive and emotional functions.
Specifically, it shaped his belief about the link between early infant separations with the mother and later maladjustment and led Bowlby to publish his revolutionary theory.
Contrasting dramatically with other intellectuals of the time and the established status quo, Bowlby believed that children are born biologically pre-programmed to form attachments with others.
The motivating factor is pure Darwinism– this attachment will help them to survive and thrive.
The survival instincts include crying and smiling with the immediate goal of stimulating caregiving responses from their parents.
As opposed to other theories of the day, Bowlby stressed that determinant of attachment is not food, but care and responsiveness.
This is, of course, was met with widespread opposition and is still attacked by academia to this day.
Equally interesting, Bowlby’s theory placed paramount importance on early childhood attachment to parents.
In his research, he established that the critical period for developing an attachment was between birth and five years.
The consequences of not developing an attachment during this period were dire in his view.
Specifically, the child would suffer from several permanent developmental consequences, namely inability to regulate anger and reduced intelligence.
Although it is unknown how well versed Bowlby was with Ancient Greek notions of love, but his attachment theory has all the hallmarks of a storge-influenced concept.
Ideas of commitment to children, community and the sense of security all central to storge ideology are present in Bowlby’s work. Equally important, attachment theory is also grounded in the type of love that binds families together an idea that the unity of the group remains complete and unbreakable.
Again, this is highly consistent with the ideas of the Ancient Greeks when it came to parental love.
Notions of unconditional love and storage go hand-in-hand, despite the former being a relatively new phenomenon in the world of parenting.
Let’s take a step back here to fully understand the link though. It is easy and convenient for parents to openly declare to love their children unconditionally.
However, when children test the limits of parental love through acts of disobedience, defiance, and disrespect, this notion can be challenged, at face value at least.
According to psychologists, the dominant parenting approach practiced in the US was more conditionally based until the 1960s. The key keeping this order was rooted in fear.
But times have changed, and so have parenting styles, which have embraced unconditional love in both name and principle.
The textbook definition of raising a child with unconditional love is typically based on the idea that no fear is brought into parent-child interactions, from discipline to major arguments.
Further examination and subjective analysis define to love unconditionally as the ability of parents accepts their children completely and without restrictions or stipulations.
And yes, this need for unconditional love begins at conception and grows and grows.
The idea that storge necessitates certain familial loyalties, responsibilities, duties, and entitlements links it directly with the unconditional love of parenting.
Think of the expression “blood is thicker than water”and storge and unconditional love associated with parenting become basically synonymous.
Furthermore, academics also believe that a practice of more unconditional love will benefit children in the longer-term and encourage them to do their best and achieve the highest level of which they are capable.
Again, this complies with storge notions of duty and responsibility to one’s family and one’s self.
If storge love is an instinctual love, it ultimately guides your interactions with your children.
Over the past half-century numerous groundbreaking papers have reinforced the idea that the mental health of children depends on the way parents interact with them, hence the importance of following natural parental instincts rather than ego based responses.
Psychologists have long debated the correct way to interact with children, and through their interactions have identified four methods.
Within the context of exploring the link between parent-child interaction and storge, we will focus on two extremes.
Firstly, type-A parenting is characterized by high control and low on warmth interactions towards children.
This style stems from the idea that by instituting discipline a child will become a functional adult.
While driven by the kind of parental love bucketed into the storge category and linked closely with the philosophy’s focus on family responsibility and duty, type-A interaction generally runs counter to this idea.
Children of type-A parents often fail to develop characteristics such as self-confidence and independence and thus fail to achieve what is expected of them by parents.
Secondly, and more in line with the storage principle of parental love and support is type-D parenting. In psychological circles, this style is characterized as high on control and high on warmth.
Taking a step back, parents with who favor overt expressions of love demonstrate a high love of unconditional love to their children.
Looking at this style more holistically, this type of parenting can distinguish between the child as a person and the child’s actions, decisions and attitudes.
This is a classic type –D parent. To ensure the continuity of a functional family unit, these parents are extremely consistent in their interactions with their children.
Rarely do they confuse children with the erratic behavior of punishing them one today and rewarding them another day for the same behavior.
Irrespective of the event, the key takeaway here is that when the child is punished for his and her behavior, self-worth remains intact.
The child doesn’t feel rejected, rather accepted for who they are.
It is here where the link with storage can be articulated.
Adopting a controlled yet loving parenting style, the storge precepts of a sense of security and emotional refuge are established.
As a result of this style of parenting the child has a sense of belonging to a family unit wholeheartedly and a sense of the permanence of love, also another storge trait.
Through the lens of mental health, a withdrawn, draconian style can have dire consequences for children.
Feelings of total rejection brew in children, as a result, leading to intense loneliness and misery, and most un-surgically, isolation.
Other mental health conditions such as depression, self-harm and suicide spike under parenting styles high on control and low on warmth.
Parent and child love will continue to arouse intense debate, new theories, and explanations.
While the answer to the strength and immediacy of this bond might eventually be proven by science or psychology, the most logical answer is more than likely to be based in a philosophical argument.
I was asked about the enemas we sell, a girl was asking about them for use pre-anal sex. and I realized, although I knew what one was and what they are for, I couldn’t with any confidence explain how to use one.
I also remembered a book by Nancy Friday that I read many years ago, which shared ordinary women’s accounts of their sometimes out of the ordinary sexual fantasies.
( An amazing book, very erotic and very entertaining)…anyway, I digress.
There was one fantasy a woman had about getting an enema, so I knew that it was probably a fetish. Let’s face it, most things are a fetish to somebody somewhere.
Well, it turns out, it is a very popular one.
There are movies, chat rooms and a whole underground enema fan club out there. In fact, people who get sexual thrills from this practice have their very own name now…Klismaphiliacs.
Enemas have been popular for centuries, the ancient Egyptians were crazy about them.
They thought all diseases were caused by dodgy food and believed a good old enema could cure anything..
Mostly we sell enemas for anal sex.
By nature, anal play can get a little messy, and for some people that that can ruin it. so a bit of preparation can make sure the experience is a bit cleaner but is it actually necessary?
The answer is, not really, not if you have been to the loo within a previous couple of hours. The rectum is the last bit of the intestine and actually the cleanest part.
Obviously, you should clean the outside of the anus. a shower with your partner is good for that though. Some people, however, either like to incorporate an enema into their foreplay or just need the peace of mind themselves beforehand.
You don’t need to perform the type of enema I had imagined though. When I pictured enemas.
I thought of those ones you have in doctors surgeries where the patient’s on a table for hours while the doctor shows a year worth of body waste going down a tube into a bucket.
I just wasn’t quite sure how to perform one.
Now you would think I would be able to find out how to use an enema kit, on the packaging of the enema kit…..but no.
I pulled down the Cleanstream water bottle kit. and there were absolutely no instructions.
That’s why I thought it might be worth my while writing this report, as my customer and I can’t be the only ones on the planet who are in the dark about this.
Here for you is what you do if you just want a quick pre-sex clean.
Be Authentic: On your first date you may be nervous but ensure that you do your best at being honest and authentically you. If you spend time just being yourself, you don’t have to worry about being something you’re not. If you attempt to be someone you are not, it will be extremely tiring if you get future dates.
Pace Yourself: If you are planning on telling your date your plans for the future and dreams make sure you take a slow pace. Telling people upfront plans can scare them away from having further dates with you as you are looking to far ahead.
Ask Open-Ended Questions? You can try asking about something which brings them positivity in their daily lives will bring that into the conversation. You will learn whether you are into the same things and what they are good at. If you ask the open-ended question, it can lead to other conversation pieces.
If You’re Quiet: Invite them to something you enjoy and can talk about. If you love movies. Take her to a movie and speak about it afterward.
Chivalry: Although we are a modern society people still love some good old-fashioned Chivalry. From pulling out your date’s chair to getting the door or holding your date’s hand so they have balance. Offering good manners can show your enthusiasm for your date.
Drink Less: Handle your alcohol. Sometimes when we get nervous we reach out for things that make us feel calmer. Buy a beverage which you know you will drink slowly like a beer.
Can I Get The Cheque? If you both are about to pay for the date, if you would like, you can ask if “Can I Chip in?” If your date would like you to chip in he will politely agree to it. If you are strapped for cash, you can plan the date yourself. For example, rather than going to a high-end restaurant. Take your date out on a canoe adventure and get a quick bite afterward.
Be Modest: If you are looking for an authentic relationship your date may not like it if you show off what you own. Look for someone who is genuinely interested in who you are rather than what you have.
End the Date: If you are feeling disconnected or the date is going horribly you are allowed to walk away. Always be polite and say something like“Thank you for your time, I will have to leave now”. If you do enjoy his time, you can ask if he or she would like to go on a walk with you or you can get there a number for a future encounter.
How to Kiss
Keep Fresh Breath & Lips
Brush your teeth twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night time.
If you have just eaten or your breath smells throughout the day, use mints or refreshing chewing gum that you can easily spit out.
Use lip balm rather than lip gloss or lipsticks. Lip Balm will offer a smooth sensual kiss. Lip gloss is sticky and can get everywhere. If you choose to wear lipstick, the lipstick could rub off all of your kissing partners. sing a lip product may let them know you might be ready to be kissed.
Give Signals
If there are too many people around and that makes you feel uncomfortable ensure you are in a private location.
Kiss the side of his cheek which lets him know you may want a kiss on the cheek.
Hold their hand.
Move hair away from their face.
Longingly look up into his/her eyes.
Look down at his/her lips.
Smile encouragingly.
Lick your lips and bite your lower lip whilst looking at them.
Slowly move your face into his/her for a kiss.
Place your hands behind his/her neckline and play with their hair.
Let him/her know you want to be kissed by saying something like “Can you kiss me?”Some people are unaware of social cues and will not kiss you if you don’t ask.
How To Kiss
Look into his eyes so you are connecting with them.
Look at where his/her lips are to ensure you a heading towards the right direction.
Keep your lips soft and not excessively open. Move your lips into a comfortable position on theirs, apply some pressure and go slow. The first kiss should go for above 3 seconds but not above 20 seconds.
Don’t do anything elaborate like a French kiss. You will need some practice with normal kissing.
If you feel uncomfortable stop what you are doing immediately and let them know that you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes people use kisses to begin dry humping, pelvis grinding or groping.
People’s physical appearance changes throughout their time depending on their diet and physical fitness. Physical appearance is an important aspect which impacts a person’s self-confidence.
Take a piece of paper and write down what you like about your physical body. To do this, you can start by performing a body scan.
Begin the scan at the very top of your head and work your way down to your feet. Some questions you may want to consider when analysing your face may include:
Do you like your skin tone, hair colour or eye colour?
Do you like the shape of your face?
Do you like your freckles, wrinkles, birthmarks, scars or other features which makes you unique?
Some questions you may want to consider when analysing your body may include:
Do you like your body structure?
Do you like how toned your body is?
Do you like your height?
Do you like your posture?
Accept What Is
In order to be happy with yourself, you need to begin by accepting who you are.
The truth is, there is over 7.422 billion people in the whole world, that is a lot of people!
There are just so many people in the world who you are able to compare yourself to.
There will always be someone bigger, stronger or faster unless you are a Guinness World Record Holder and have an official award for being the best of the best.
Your judgement on the way you feel about your personal character and how you physically look is impacted by how you’ve been raised, your peer group, what is advertised in the media, what religion you follow and your culture.
If you do not follow a particular standard you will feel like you will always have something to improve.
There is a famous poem known as the Serenity Prayer by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr which is used by the Alcoholic’s Anonymous Groups which says “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and have the wisdom to know the difference”.
There are multiple versions of this poem but they all have the same meaning.
Its meaning translates so that people are reminded to use courage and wisdom when they are making important decisions, they are two personality traits highly valued within society.
Courage is the term that is used for someone who is actively facing their struggles or fears, someone who is in the ring fighting for what they are able to improve and change within their lives.
Whilst wisdom is the knowledge and good judgement to do what is best. We use our courage and wisdom to impact our lives in a positive manner.
For example, if we have eaten an unhealthy diet, we research how to improve our diet and then take the steps needed to become eat healthier.
Don’t Worry About What Others Think
There are certain things in our life that we can’t change like traumas or bad experiences, there are aspects of our personalities which can remain ingrained and you cannot change how another person thinks about you.
If you are always worried about what another person thinks and you are trying to change your interactions with them to suit their personality you in effect are not being true to who you are.
You cannot change how another person thinks and we also have no right to know what another person thinks.
Sometimes a person disliking you can be as simple as they may not like someone with your name, your age, gender, religion, sexuality, race/ethnicity, education or maybe they just get a bad vibe from you without any reason at all.
If a person’s judgements of you are petty and are not based upon any factual evidence, reason or actual experience, it is considered to be a type of prejudice. This means someone has formed a bias opinion of you.
They may change how they interact with you by avoiding interactions or negatively communicate with you with passive aggressive undertones.
Although we live in a modern multicultural society a lot of these thinking patterns have shifted to more positive views of acceptance.
It is often considered that what other people think of another person, can appear as reflections of their own values, belief systems and experiences.
In a sense, what they think about you will openly show you who they are, what they think of you isn’t actually about you but is about them.
Remove Negatives From Your Life
If you keep on doing the same things and interacting with the same people, you will find that you will experience a repetitive pattern.
Though if you are continuously finding yourself in negative situations you have to find what you are doing and change it.
Reduce Negative Interactions
– Reduce The Number Of Toxic People You Interact With:
You may find yourself being brought down by an individual who will make you feel bad about your actions or personality to make themselves feel better about who they are.
You may feel like your actions are made with reason and knowledge, you should consider breaking contact with the person.
If they haven’t stopped bringing you down after you have let them know how you feel about the way they speak to you, it is reasonable to believe that they may not change and will continue to interact with you in the same way.
If you find that the toxic person is a family member, you are able to reduce the amount of time you spend with them and ensure that when you see them, you have other people around you to support your interactions.
– Create and Implement Boundaries:
Boundaries are important within all types of relationships whether it is a romantic attachment, a family member or at work.
If someone has overstepped a boundary you are able to let them know that they have with a statement which clearly tells them why and how.
For example, if someone has asked about your personal relationship you can say something which is clear and concise like “I keep the details of my romantic relationship private.”
– Develop Rapport And Friendships With Positive People:
If you are finding that you do not have a lot of positive people in your life, take a step out of your comfort zone and begin searching for new friendships and relationships.
With the development of modern technology, there are websites which are dedicated for people to find others who likeminded are.
For example, you can find community events in your local newspaper, you can join a meetup group or you can join a local club.
Stop Bad Thinking Patterns
– Stop Thinking About The What Ifs:
People who are living in the past often remind themselves what they could have done to change or improve the situation.
They may say “What if I had done this?” or “What if I didn’t do that?”.
This makes a person focus on living in the past rather than living in the moment.
They are not actively engaged how they can improve their current lifestyle but instead are invested in something which may have not gone to plan.
If you change the question to “What can I do to improve my current situation?” You will be able to come up with healthier alternatives which you are able to work on.
– Learn How To Meditate:
There are different types of ways to meditate.
Meditation can bring you back to the present moment and allow you to experience what is happening around you.
To begin meditating, you can download an application like “Headspace: Guided Mediation” or you can listen to free meditation guides on YouTube.
Some people invest time in learning Taoist sexual practices that incorporate yoga and qigong.
– Do More Of What You Enjoy:
You may be thinking to yourself “I wish I played tennis more” or “I wish I saw my family more”.
If you find yourself wishing you did more things which you enjoyed like a hobby or interest you will naturally be able to feel more positive about how you are living your life as your time is going to something which you find of value.
If you find that people in your relationships do not want to participate in your hobby, you should try doing it by yourself!
Although it can be scary at first, you are doing the one thing that you love or you can join your local club who will do the hobby with you.
– Sex Improves Wellbeing: Engaging in healthy sex can help improve wellbeing. It boosts mood and immune system. It also acts as a natural stress reliever.
Getting Stuck In The Negatives:
Change Your Environment
– Move Apartments Or Houses:
If you find that your neighbourhood does not reflect the way you wish to live or negatively impacts your mental health when you have the means to move apartment or houses you are able to choose a new community which may give you a healthier and more optimistic outlook to your life.
– Change Jobs:
If you are struggling with being stagnant in your job or find other aspects of your job draining, you are able to search for a new company that may better suit your work ethics.
– Become An Active Member Of The Community:
It can be as simple as opening up the local newspaper and reading up on volunteering jobs that are currently available.
They may need someone to drive elderly people to the shops to help them buy groceries or maybe they need people to volunteer at a fun run.
You are also able to donate blood which will save lives!
Find a community service activity which suits your interests which will allow you to feel part of the society that is around you.
Confront Your Bad Past & Forgive Yourself
The past can follow us like a monster that is under the bed.
Everyone has a past, people make mistakes and it is a part of being human.
Mistakes provide the building blocks of self-improvement because they can be the reasons why you gain the motivation to become a better person.
We, in turn, are our own worst critic, which means we can talk so negatively towards ourselves that we can be our worst own enemy.
Maybe you have hurt a person who you have loved by not being there for them when they needed it the most, maybe you have made a choice which at the time you thought you were doing something positive but it impacted people negatively.
The thing which you have down has had a negative impact on someone’s life and you have done your best to help solve the situation.
If you feel like you have done your best and there is nothing else that you can do to make the situation better, you need to let your bad past go and begin the process of forgiving yourself.
They often say that people need to understand the bad and the good. With the knowledge that people are able to do both, it is ultimately the choice of making positive decisions and doing something which impacts your personal lifestyle for the better.
A good example of this is a locksmith who understands how to pick open a lock.
This knowledge allows the locksmith to open a door without damaging the construction.
The locksmith has the ability to open up the doors to people’s homes without their knowledge and has the option to steal their belongings.
But rather than doing something which is illegal the locksmith uses his or her ability to become an expert in their field, with the knowledge they are able to earn a living which he or she will use to build a life.
To confront your bad past, it is recommended to talk to a mental health professional like a psychologist or psychiatrist who can talk you through the process and help you develop behaviour and coping skills which will help you learn to rebuild your life.
Do Something Every Day For Yourself
You don’t need to do something grandiose every day, like replacing your entire wardrobe or going on a fabulous holiday to the Bahamas.
Take life a day at a time and a moment at a time. Doing something every day for yourself can be as simple as:
– Taking Time To Look At The Small Things:
When you are walking down the road, through the office or when you’re at home take a moment to notice something which you may often overlook.
For example, when we go for a walk we can take the opportunity to look at the sky, notice the colour, take note of how quick the clouds are moving and what shapes they are.
When you are in a park, watch the flow of the wind touching the grass or the happy face of a dog on his or her walk. Sometimes our busy lifestyles make us forget that we are often surrounded by things which can bring much more positivity into our life.
– Smile More:
There is science behind why smiling impacts our mental health positively. Smiling releases natural chemicals into our brains like neuropeptides which help to relieve daily stress.
When we smile we receive neurotransmitters like dopamine, endorphins (a natural painkiller) and serotonin which help to lower people’s blood pressure.
– Give Yourself Some Personal Time:
Set aside some time each day which allows you some personal time away from people and social media.
You don’t have to have an agenda or a reason why you need some alone time.
During this time you are able to think about the things that you would like to get from your life.
Sometimes people enjoy taking a long shower which will allow your muscles to unwind.
– Learn New Information Or Skills:
Read a book, do some educational exercises and feed your brain with a wealth of knowledge.
It will keep your brain active and also give you new information to talk about with people you will meet.
– Develop A Routine:
Get prepared for the day ahead, plan what you would like to do and set aside what you would like to wear.
This way when you wake up in the morning you have your day scheduled.
This means you have begun your day on a positive note which will set the rest of the day with a good start.
Routine reduces anxiety, it builds confidence that you know what you are doing and other people know what you are doing.
Be Open To Change
Change is inevitable, it always happens.
Trends come and go, people become wiser and more mature and there is new technology being developed on a daily basis.
If we did not have change we would not be able to work efficiently as a society and we would still have harsh laws.
– Understand That Changes Is A Naturally Occurring Process:
Change happens.
If it weren’t for change the human race would not have made cars or invented forks, knives and spoons to use for eating.
Change is a part of our history and culture.
– Change Means Things Are Able To Improve:
The change means that we are able to progress and advance as a human race for a better future. It provides people with the opportunity to work together as a community.
– Change Can Be Unknown:
Change provides people with a new life experience.
Although the experience may be new at first it will feel more normal over time.
– Change Can Transform People:
Change can provide a new outlook towards life.
It can be just what they need to motivate and inspire to enhance their lifestyle choices.
– Change Can Give Your More Choices:
Change may mean you have more time to do things you love or give you new ways to finish an activity.
– The Adjustment To Change Can Time Take:
Accepting change can take some time to process and it doesn’t always happen overnight. It might not be something you are comfortable with straight away.
Be Honest With Yourself
You should look at self-evaluation as a tool which will help you solve problems within your life.
If we cannot openly face the true reality of a situation of who we are, we are overlooking a crucial aspect of self-improvement which does not allow us the opportunity to change anything within our lifestyle.
When you think of anything which is negative you should also say to yourself, “How can I improve the things that I don’t like about myself?”
You should talk to yourself about how you would a close friend.
We often don’t realise that we treat ourselves and the way we self-talk to ourselves is so negative, we often don’t stop to think, would we talk to a friend like that?
You should ask yourself “If we wouldn’t talk to a friend like that, why are we talking to ourselves like that?” When we speak to ourselves we should talk with self-compassion and kindness.
When you are performing a self-evaluation you should begin with a small aspect of your life this way the exercise does not become too overwhelming.
If you do an overall self-evaluation you should list heading for the different topics that you would like to change and work through a topic at a time.
Do not overwhelm yourself with too many changes, you can progress as slowly as you need to.
People make progress differently to others so if you find that others progress quicker than you are, don’t be worried.
You will need to define what you would like to work towards:
How should you be spending your time?
What is your short-term goal?
What is your long-term goal?
What can you do to actively work towards these goals?
These goals will give you something which will motivate and inspire you.
Love is a kind of chemical reaction, so you could never tell why it happens and you could never try to stop it by your own will. Love must have existed a long time before human beings developed language.
People always want to find a definite answer about what is love, so they keep asking each other and themselves. However, there is no person who can define what love is.
Every person has his or her own understanding of love, and a single person’s understanding of love may differ by time.
Love is a general feeling of deep caring that does not change (although the form of expressing it may alter).
I do not believe that we can force ourselves to love or not to love someone. We have the capacity to love many people.
For example, you can love your children, parents, friends, and ex-spouse.
Being “in love” with someone means that you feel a deep caring, you desire them sexually, and you want to spend lots of time with them.
If you truly love them, then you may change the latter two but you will always feel the deep caring.
On the contrary, like is specific and changeable.
Have you noticed that there are things that you liked in a person before but do not any more or vice versa?
You can experience both loves and like simultaneously since they are different feelings.
It is important to be able to say to someone, “I love you, and I don’t like what you are doing (be specific).”
This is especially important to children so that they do not get the wrong impression when you are angry.
They need a clear message that you love them (then they can feel lovable), and you do not like their behavior (then explain why).
Also, telling your children or anyone else, “If you loved me you would ____.,” is not love. It is a way of trying to manipulate or to control them because of your fears or concerns.
I have discovered that we all want to be loved, and to love.
That is, we all desire to be deeply cared about and to care about others.
True love is unconditional.
No matter what you or another person says or does, express your love and then deal with the specific disliked behavior.
What the world needs now is lots of love which is the opposite of fear.
Accept your and others’ differences.
Take the time to love yourself and others unconditionally, spread deep caring-that is the key to loving relationships and to a loving world.
There are certain characteristics we show when we are in love.
Selfless behavior shows that you are not just thinking about yourself, but that you’re also concerned about your partners’ needs as well.
You will be concerned about your partner’s growth in life, and become more supportive and understanding, even if you feel like being critical.
You will have a desire to forgive, and realize that no one is perfect in life.
Your love grows when you are able to focus on the good things about someone.
You will see both the positive and the negative side of someone, but you will love them no matter what.
When your partner does that little thing that irritates you, it will be easier to look past it.
You will realize that it’s not worth getting angry over and causing a scene.
Love allows for anger but in a controlled manner.
Love is about being able to compromise. If emotional pain was caused you’re allowed to let your partner know when they have done wrong.
Love is about caring and showing affection and intimacy towards the other person. You will have a romantic desire towards your partner, not a lustful desire.
With a romantic desire to be intimate and affectionate towards your partner, an emotional bond will grow between the two of you. It will become stronger over time and will bring you closer together.
What Does It Feel Like To Be In Love:-
Love is built on mutual interest, care, trust, and respect.
You will have a desire to be committed to your partner in any type of situation, such as one where infidelity may be a temptation.
Or even when faced with negative comments from others about your partner.
Your commitment will allow you to be faithful and true to your partner, and you will be willing to stick up for them at all costs.
It is important to realize that love is about expecting to give, not expecting to get.
You don’t have to buy your partner something nice every day, but you can do nice things for them often. Something as simple as a romantic dinner at home.
Give them a message with candles lit around the room.
The desire to give will make you feel great about yourself, and most importantly make your partner feel great.
A relationship grows successfully when both partners commit to behaving in a loving manner, through continual and unconditional giving.
Not only saying “I love you”but also showing it.
We experience love as a feeling, and express it as an action.
The thing that ultimately maintains our love and happiness in life is the energy that we get from inside ourselves.
Deep inside us is a wellspring of energy that is very strong in some people but very weak in others. Without that wellspring of energy, you may find it hard to continue on in the face of many problems and challenges in your life.
You may get discouraged or hurt very easily and find that you no longer feel the same way about your loved one that you initially felt.
Your first impulses of love may fade and your happiness may begin to wane.
A lot of things can aggravate the negative feelings that we have inside ourselves and we may think that the person we love is “no longer the same” or “doesn’t care about us anymore”.
You may begin to feel that everything is hopeless and fail to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Something has gone wrong and you don’t know what it is.
The problem that has befallen you is that you never found that wellspring inside of yourself but wrongly imagined it to be coming from someone else.
You were happy for a while but you didn’t really know why.
Those feelings of love and happiness weren’t coming from the other person!
You thought they were but, actually, they were coming from inside of you!
It’s true!
They were coming from inside of you!
Once that person begins to appear commonplace and boring, the feeling you had begins to fade.
You no longer feel the great feelings of love that were actually coming from inside of you to start with.
You decided to turn them off. Instead, you covered them up again and all you felt was a sense of darkness.
Real happiness comes from a heart that is so filled with genuine love that nothing on the outside can really affect it in any lasting way.
There are rare people who have practiced many techniques and teachings and learned to overcome their fears and their negative emotions to find a wellspring of energy inside them which is the real place that love and happiness come from.
If you are feeling discouraged or in need of an answer, look inside yourself for that wellspring and learn to face your fears and your challenges each day so that, over time, you will overcome the many problems that face you each and that face each and every one of us in life.
Life is a long road with many challenges and the winners learn to lift up their heads and go on even in the hardest of times.
Love and happiness are what make this world worthwhile, so let’s keep our head up and learn to be the person in charge of our own destiny.
We are truly the ones who are in charge and we can make it an award-winning movie that everyone will pay to see!
Falling In Love
Two people who genuinely love each other may fall in love because of the burning desire and passion to be with each other or to live close to each other.
Finding love is a tricky sentiment.
There are some things that feel like love, but they are too much exterior to be the real thing. “Real love takes time and doesn’t take place overnight”.
Love is never logical or easy. People fall under the spell of love for many reasons.
Opposites can attract, and while it may seem unusual to the outside world, you can be completely wrapped up and oblivious.
When you find love it can make anything seem potential and possible to do.
Deep within us, there seems an emptiness that not even a hundred lovers could fill, yet there still is an expectation. Your dreams can come true.
True love is so precious and valuable that it is said, “True love is not something that comes every day, follow your heart, it knows the right answer”.
True love can take time to grow, or it can evolve in the pair’s first encounter.
When 2 hearts gather for the first time a lot of magical things can happen.
There are stories of an eye-to-eye spark, this is when you are overcome with excitement by just looking at someone across a room, and this also can evolve into true love.
There are two kinds of sparks, the one that goes off with a hitch like a match, but it burns quickly.
The other is the kind that needs time, but when the flame strikes… it’s eternal, don’t forget that.
After first sight, the two people will ultimately have to talk to each other.
If you don’t feel that certain spark it’s probably not meant to be.
Most couples who have spent a significant amount of time building their relationship with each other eventually fall in love. It’s a natural evolution of their bond.
But, it’s also an indefinable stage that is often difficult to identify. Millions have asked themselves, “Am I in love with my partner?”
Some are confused by what that means.
Others misinterpret harmful emotions (for example, jealousy and obsession) as love.
Understanding The True Nature Of Love:-
Often it’s easier to define love based upon what it isn’t.
A lot of people mistakenly think that certain emotions they’re feeling represent love. For example, lust is commonly thought to signify something more than it is.
Or, one partner may be so passionate about the other than physical or emotional abuse occurs in the relationship. Neither instance signifies love.
When you love somebody, the feeling transcends the physical.
You feel attached to the other person in a way that you don’t feel with others.
The level of physical and emotional commitment is greater than with anyone else.
And while love translates into intimacy, the willing vulnerability to which you expose yourself to your partner dwarfs that which you experience in all other relationships.
Trust Grows:-
While love can encompass a myriad of qualities, mutual trust is one of the most important.
And it expands much further than simply trusting that your partner won’t cheat physically. In this context, it means that you trust your partner implicitly.
You trust that he or she will not betray you or the relationship on a physical or emotional level.
As your love grows, so too does your level of trust.
Eventually, that trust reaches the point at which you’re unable to even conceive of your partner betraying you.
Intimacy Issues:-
Intimacy issues plague many couples.
But, it’s important to understand what true intimacy is.
And it’s equally important to realize that issues surrounding it don’t necessarily preclude love.
For many couples, a lack of physical intimacy may be a problem, though they love and trust each other implicitly.
Issues involving emotional intimacy are often more severe.
For example, an emotional disconnection can be a warning sign that love is waning.
A lack of communication may also represent deeper issues.
Signs That You’re In Love:-
So, how do you know when you’re in love? Unfortunately, it’s often hard to tell because it involves two people so deeply on various physical and emotional levels.
That said, there are signs. For example, if your partner is late, your initial reaction may be a concern for their safety.
Or, you may begin to miss them horribly when they’re away.
Also, small things may constantly remind you of your partner.
Enjoying Your Partner:-
A true manifestation of love is found in the level of commitment, trust, physical and emotional intimacy, and mutual attachment that you enjoy with your partner.
It’s a confluence of several factors and any one factor does not, in and of itself, represent love.
Some claim that loving your partner is more than mere emotion.
It is, in effect, a choice that you make.
And that choice helps to sustain the relationship during times when any one of the above factors falters.
In the end, falling in love is about enjoying your partner on a level that no other person can hope to experience.
It’s about being vulnerable, yet trusting.
It’s about sharing yourself physically and emotionally, knowing that the commitment will be reciprocated. Falling in love is a natural progression toward a lifetime with your partner.
Now the above symptoms can indicate early stages of prostate cancer, but again it should be noted that not everyone will experience symptoms.
It is important to note that if your family has a history of prostate cancer, and you’re over the age of 50 – then you should notify your doctor to begin regular health check-ups.
More commonly symptoms present themselves in advanced stages of cancer and these symptoms can include:
Blood in the urine
Pain or aches during urination
Constant lower back or pelvic pain
These symptoms may also present themselves in other situations such as benign prostatic hyperplasia – which is defined as a non-cancerous growth on the prostate gland. If any of the above symptoms present themselves then you need to visit your GP.
Another difficult thing when it comes to the detection and prevention of prostate cancer is that there is no single definitive diagnostic test for prostate cancer that can detect it.
A combination of procedures is usually used which include a rectal examination such as a DRE (Digital Rectal Exam), as well as a PSA.
The prostate produces PSA levels in the body and an elevated PSA level might indicate prostate cancer, or it could be the source of a variety of other medical illnesses as well.
It will be important to have an open discussion with your doctor when it comes to this. From there you will have many options to effectively treat it, and your doctor will discuss with you a treatment plan for prostate cancer
There are however treatments available to decrease the risk of prostate cancer.
Repeated studies have demonstrated that men who ejaculate more than 4 times per week, and who are routinely sexually active enjoyed up to a 33% decrease in risk of developing prostate cancer.
Contrary to popular belief, the number of sexual partners had no effect on prostate cancer, and it was primarily due to the number of times that they were having sex per week which directly affected their risk.
Prostate Massager Pleasure Guide For Men | Best Prostate Massagers
In the modern day and age, people sacrifice health for pleasure and vice versa.
In some few and rare instances where both ultimate pleasure and health are achievable, the individual will experience a whole new satisfaction in their life.
One of those instances includes using a prostate massager to stimulate the prostate. Not only will you experience mind-blowing stimulations/orgasms but there are also some key health benefits as well.
Previously anal sex in men was considered gay, dirty and taboo. Increasingly, anal sex is being utilized by straight couples and single men alike who understand that anal play is not intrinsically linked to the idea of being gay.
Using anal sex toys will not make you gay, this can be seen because there are many straight men that enjoy anal play, and there are many gay men that think anal sex is gross and they do not like it.
In part, it’s very easy to blame gay culture for the dislike of anal sex, but as a matter of fact, the dislike of anal play is not attributed to gender or sexuality, but more in terms of how you were brought up and the relationship between you and your body.
It is for this reason why a lot of men will discuss their latest hook up, but might not necessarily enjoy the idea of talking about their prostate and their health.
There are numerous underlying benefits of a male sex toy that performs a prostate massage and they are something that we cannot ignore.
By definition, the prostate is a gland that stores an essential component of semen and it is located at the penis root below the bladder.
It’s the size of a walnut.
Massaging the prostate will lead to the release of stagnant semen which consequently leads to the cleansing of your prostate.
When you fail to do this often the stagnant semen will result in the imminent build-up of bacteria which may lead to swelling.
A regular prostate massage has a variety of benefits to a person. Some of the benefits include:
reduction in the risk of some complications and diseases such as genital pain, prostatitis, and prostate cancer, urination during the night and erectile dysfunction which is mild during the early stages.
Additionally, the seminal fluid and its circulation are increased not to mention the overall improvement to erectile function from prostate massages.
The best part about this massage is that the benefits accrued are long term, and that’s not forgetting a wide array of other positive outcomes you are bound to get.
Prostate Massage Techniques Using a Prostate Massager
Some people have experimented prostate massage using their fingers.
They do this by first of all locating the prostate and manually stimulating it repetitively by moving their finger in a back and forth movement.
However, this can be a daunting task and the flexibility required might be difficult for some.
Prostate massages with the finger and individual are the most beneficial, to begin with.
The reason for this is that you can directly feel where your finger is, and you can learn as to where the prostate is.
Once you have located the prostate manually, then you can also do the same thing with the use of a specialized prostate massager that you can get from your couple-friendly adult store.
A correct prostate massage technique is what stands between being successful in it or not.
Being successful in it is a major aim and by reading on you will learn how to perform an effective prostate massage.
Incorrect massaging, even when done with a prostate massager, will lead to failure or dismal results.
In addition, you can pick up a severe injury. It has been shown that messages that are done by the individual are most effective due to the ability to apply the right amount of pressure to all areas around the prostate.
They can tell where the pressure is being applied, what the pressure feels like, and where to move the toy from there Moreover it’s a fairly simple and easy task and will save you money that you would have otherwise used on a professional.
For maximum effectiveness, you should put certain considerations into mind.
A finger can be somewhat effective in performing this message but its inability to effectively reach the entire prostate area rule sit as a possible candidate for this message.
The finger is best for learning where the prostate is, and where to apply the necessary pressure. You actually need something that can go the full length and give you total stimulation. This is where a prostate massager comes in handy.
If you’re looking to find the male g-spot, then this video will show you how.
By stimulating the male g-spot, also known as the prostate, you can effectively reduce your risk for developing prostate cancer.
Did we also mention that it feels absolutely amazing and can give you the most intense full-body orgasms of your life?
How To Go About It
At the onset of the message, ensure that you are well prepared. The first step is to go the toilet and try to empty your bowel as much as you can.
An empty bowel is best suited for this, and from there you will need to wait an hour or so and have a shower to ensure cleanliness.
However, if you find there is nothing much to empty then you are good to go. This bit will take practice and an acknowledgment of your body and its processes.
Insert room temperature water into the douche, stand over the toilet and the shower and shake and release the water.
Repeat this two or three times or until the water comes out clean.
The next step is to ensure that you carefully unroll a fresh condom over the large end of the prostate massager and then lubricate it using a suitable lubricant such as the SuperSlyde Lubricant.
Get To The Flow In A Manner As Though You Want To Crawl.
Gently and slowly insert the well-lubricated massager 4 to 5inches into your anus. This is the recommended depth.
The prostate gland is usually located in that depth towards your belly, in other words in and up.
Apply soft pressure forward into the anus toward the gland in a slow and gentle manner. The gland is usually very tender and you can actually feel the tenderness when you touch it with the massager.
While ensuring that you maintain the pressure, slowly remove the massager about one and a half inches as though you were employing the use of a finger.
Note that this being the same procedure employed in the milking of the gland, some fluid is bound to come out and this should not catch you by surprise.
If this fluid comes out, it might feel like an intense and crazy orgasm, or it might feel like a ruined orgasm. A ruined orgasm occurs when stimulation is stopped or removed prior to ejaculation.
Many people have certain uncertainties and fears about this procedure. Some have the fear that it will harm them while some are a little bit skeptical of the benefits it will bring them.
However, if this massage is done properly then you have no cause for alarm. Many people have reported long-lasting, intense and multiple organisms from the use of prostate massagers.
When properly used you won’t have to continue being envious of fellow female counterparts’ ability to experience such intense sexual feelings multiple times because you will have the ability to do so as well.
The prostate gland being about the size of a walnut is usually very easy to feel. If you are feeling a very intense sensation when applying pressure and then find that the intensity fades away when you remove the pressure then you have most likely found the prostate gland.
The next cause of action is to release the pressure and slide the massager back into the anus and repeat the process with the number of times you are comfortable with.
If you’re using something like the Aneros prostate stimulator – then the goal is not to use the massager with your hands. Tensing and contracting the pelvic floor muscles will gently nudge the massager into place.
You will experience very intense sexual stimulation and feel very aroused as a result of this process.
This subsides after a short while. Do this 5-10 times. Embark on it again and apply gentle pressure on the gland and hold that spot with the massager for about 7 seconds and jiggle it then release it.
Relax for about then apply pressure gently hold it to a count of 7 jiggles it and then release then let go.
You are now done with the process. A very easy process indeed.
Recent studies by Swedish scientists have concluded, through the use of brain imaging, that humans can also communicate through the power of smell.
Similarly to the way that people will subtly communicate visually through the expression of clothes, the indication of arousal through wearing sexy lingerie or outfits.
Further, men and women respond to certain smells in very different ways.
It’s long been debated as to whether humans subconsciously communicate with each other through the power of scent, and one of the strongest pieces of evidence thus far was concluded in 1998 with Martha McClintock where it was concluded that the menstrual cycles of women living together would synchronise as a result of the chemical messages that were being released by the body in the form of sweat.
Pheromone Sprays in nature are simply chemicals secreted by an animal with its main effects being the attraction of the opposite sex. Pheromones are also used to communicate messages between animals throughout the natural world, and including within plants.
The word itself has been derived from the Greek word and it means ‘to bear’.
They are an excreted or a secreted chemical meant to trigger a social response especially in members of the similar species.
Pheromone contains chemicals which act outside secreting individual’s body to affect the behaviour or physiology of the receiving personality.
Naturally, Pheromones are very volatile and odorous substances released by one animal and subsequently detected by another, causing some kind of physiological reaction.
Science has now developed laboratory produced Pheromone Spray’s whose reaction is affected by sexual activity, arousal and behaviour.
Though, it can also affect the level of aggression besides other diverse effects on the target animal or human being. Have you ever noticed that when you first start a new relationship that more people are hitting on you?
Easy Way To Increase Attractiveness | Sexy Colognes To Get You Laid
Pheromones sprays are marketed and synthesized to consumers as mixtures to increase sexual attractiveness.
Primarily, Pheromones are perceived through vomeronasal organ situated within the nose and research studies propose that they are excreted from several parts of the body, including the sweat glands, urine and saliva.
Pheromones are connected to a number of crucial stages in human lives ranging from breastfeeding to mate choice.
Research shows that breastfed newborns have the ability to distinguish between a breast pad worn by a stranger and one worn mother.
The Outcomes Of Wearing Pheromones:
Wearing Pheromones ensures powerful catalysts of sexual attraction.
As individuals secrete the chemicals by perspiration, they, in turn, get detected subconsciously by the brain, nose and nervous system.
In this case, about 10 % of men give off major amounts of sex appeal. Hence these men might not even look sexy, but through pheromone release, they send out powerful attraction signals.
Have you ever noticed a particular cologne worn by an ex and everyone that wears that cologne you instantly find somewhat arousing?
The cologne that even in a crowded room you can smell and it gets your heart racing, make you feel a little more passionate than usual, maybe a little flushed and flustered;
many colognes use types of pheromones and when you combine that with the emotions that you had for an ex they make a powerful combination.
This is how pheromones can work.
Males release pheromones throughout their hair and skin and both males and females excrete trace quantities of it via their urine.
Males excrete up to four and above times as much as women do.
This particular pheromone, produced by the adrenal glands of the two sexes is also found in sweat under their armpits. Besides, it is also present in and secreted by the sebaceous glands of the vagina and penis.
Studies also found that females secrete at least one other attracting pheromone from their vagina with the presence of copulin (pheromone present in these fluids) and that the appearance of these chemicals correlates with hormonal variations matching the changes in the female menstrual cycle.
The Establishment Of New And Intimate Relationships
The study of the science of smell research is Osmology; it has determined that both men and women are mutually attracted to each other through selective chemical couriers called pheromones.
The pheromones stimulate sexual readiness, sexual desire, fertility, hormone levels and the deepest emotions.
Though it’s not just limited to the young or the heterosexual. Studies have shown that pheromones can help mature gay men on the dating scene and find love and long-lasting relationships.
These studies confirmed that pheromones are commonly used by several in the perfume industry.
Even though companies claim to use the compounds simply as a carrier of the fragrance but the added pheromones are likely to have the secretly seductive ingredient.
However, the issue is that some of these companies will use pheromones from animals, which may or not cause attraction in humans.
Because perfumes are basically marketed based upon their aptitude to appeal to the opposite sex, the pheromone sprays and perfumes combination make them perfect scents.
The Benefits Of Using Sex Pheromones And Sprays
What to expect when you use pheromones products. Using pheromones have reported a broad range of benefits;
A heightened state of ease and relaxation especially in social situations.
Enhanced confidence and working relationships.
More romantic relationships and the frequency of sexual intercourse.
Feeling happier and more attractive.
Less anxiety and Empowered.
Revved-up sex life and added frequency of dates.
Increased well-being sense.
Increased frequency of affectionate gestures.
Increases frequency of foreplay and more romantic partners.
Raised mood:
Studies showed that both males and females who portray themselves as depressed testify an overall sense of positivity, well-being and energy, on wearing pheromones and that the therapeutic advantages of using human pheromones are now under clinical trials of their use to go further to alleviate mood disorders and panic attacks.
Increased working relationships:
A reporter explores human pheromones tried them to personally see for himself the end results. Later he realized that he was making more eye contact with people of opposite sex and sending a message of confidence.
Sexual attractiveness:
In a study test on human pheromones, about 20 women obtained topically applied pheromones approximately three times a week.
The females receiving the pheromones show a significantly higher rate of sexual contact with males than a different control group.
The same study conducted with males had the same results, additional sexual contact with females than the males who applied the placebo spray.
Precautions And Safety
Pheromones sprays are usually considered safe and without no known side effects; nevertheless, they may cause biased unwanted effects.
For instance, the use of a pheromone formula might bring in the attraction of undesirable associates of the opposite sex.
Thus, careful and calculated use of the compounds should be exercised at all times. However, it is also important to remember that not all commercially accessible formulations of pheromones products are equal!
Unluckily, the unprecedented attention in pheromones has spawned the industry of unscrupulous pheromone sellers with their worthless pheromone products to unsuspecting clients.
Whereby, a number of these companies still create fake product appraisal sites, written testimonials and videos. So don’t be tricked!
Dosage And Timing
Common Perfumes may or may not have pheromones contents (since vendors are not needed to list them on the product tag).
Therefore, early applications may be tested in little dosages of 1 or 2 quick sprays. When pheromones are bought separately, they can be inserted to a favourite perfume or cologne in quantity recommended by the manufacturer.
Therefore, to heighten the sexual experience passion, pheromones may be applied strategically in erogenous zones just a moment before the encounter.
Also, they may be used to build up to sex, in which case they should be applied one hour or two beforehand and in case the desired effect is not observed, the amount can be amplified in small increments.
The scent of attraction is very factual and human pheromones spray play a powerful role.
For whoever wants to boost confidence and increase attractiveness to the opposite sex, human pheromones may be just what one is looking for.
Pheromones sprays have been demonstrated in a large number of organisms ranging from fish to mammals to amoebas, including primates.
However, the issue of whether human being olfactory signals exist has been in question with much debate. Whether or not pheromones work, one thing can be certain is they’ll definitely increase your confidence.
In your case, you have a very wide list of situations where wearing a dress or a leather skirt will make you the sexiest woman. And if you still do not know how to wear it, in this article we will give you several tips.
According to the occasion:
In a cocktail: the tubular tight skirts to the waist will mark the wasp waist that you want so much.
If it’s at daytime, this skirt can be combined with a simple blouse inside and high sandals or high needle-heels and neutral lipstick color;
but if it is at night, a black tulle blouse plus red or burgundy lipstick with very high heels will make you stand out.
being a woman requires you to be edgy and impeccable in every detail and because in this career your image is everything, leather pants would come to you in luxury.
With this option, you are molding your figure completely and you can use them with different textures, from linen, silk, cotton to tulle shirts. And because you’re covering your legs you must show a very sensual and elegance cleavage.
I personally like the below style as it never dates and looks hot as hell!!!
For a party: at this time the dress will guarantee that you will be the all photos main character. Although it is a “double-edged sword”, you must know the exact model to fit your body, try a couple and choose the one that best suits you.
The leather in large pieces saturates your image and you may look cheap, but if you choose fine stripes you will get a more stylized silhouette.
In this aspect, we emphasize that you consider which model is the right one according to your body type
If you are looking for turn-on clothes, a set of leather underwear or a babydoll with transparencies and leather stripes in is the most in and sensual you can offer your followers.
Knowing these tips are ready to enclose you with sensuality and elegance.
The assumption worldwide is that the primary market for male escorts are men.
There is a significant increase of women who pay for sexual services.
More than 57 percent of identified websites catered to male customers only.
11 percent of the gigolo’s target on female clients.
Also, 11 percent are for couples, most of the opposite sex.
Women who buy sex are usually in their 30s and 40s and professionals who say they are too busy for relationships.
For the most choice: go to Mexico, Brazil, the UK, and the US.
No male gigolos for women appear to be found in Costa Rica, Finland, Israel, Panama, and Taiwan.
Most gigolo choice for women:
1 Mexico
2 Brazil
3 United States
4 United Kingdom
5 Spain
6 Germany
7 Japan
8 Belgium
9 the Netherlands
10 France
11 Australia
12 United Arab Emirates
13 Russia
14 India
15 Canada
16 Denmark
17 Austria
18 China
19 Finland
20 South Korea
Why do women to pay for sex?
According to the researchers, most of the women are professionals in their 30s and 40s who claim to be too busy for relationships and want to focus more on their work.
There are women who pay for sex, even though they have a relationship.
Their reason is that there are no strings attached and that they don’t have to think about pleasing a man, but instead simply enjoy being pleased.
Most women state that they want more than intercourse.
They want to be seen, be noticed.
Get attention.
Before sleeping with the gigolo, they want to connect, go for a drink or a meal. Both married and single women feel the same about that.
Most of the time it’s not about hard-core sex, but it’s about attention and feeling wanted. And the fact that most gigolos are ‘skilled’ in bed ensures them of good sex with no complications.
In an interview with gigolo’s on news.com a male sex worker states that most of his clients fit into three categories:
1. Convenience. Either she doesn’t have the time to seek a relationship or are involved in an unfulfilling one.
2. They want to try out a fantasy without complications.
3. It’s simply on a bucket list: having sex with a gigolo.
“There’s a common misconception that there must be something wrong with clients, that they’re not able to go on a date or sleep with someone outside of seeing a sex worker.
In my experience, that’s never the case.
A lot of the time it comes down to wanting a certain sexual experience in a safe environment where it’s all about the “client’s desires.”
Straight Married Guy (Jim):
