There is also another thing to remember … there is nothing wrong with fucking like animals as long as you all are on the same page and not on separate books because that isn’t communication, that is a disaster ready to happen!
Life is about learning and understanding and forgiving and listening and growing and saying how you really feel without feeling shameful, without feeling like your the twisted little sister (me) lol and it can lead to silence because what is the worst you really could say to that sister that seems to say it anyway!
Just saying, life isn’t difficult it only means trust who you really trust and go with what you know now.. and grow and understand with an open heart because we are all fragile especially now as we get older we want so much more…
than some fuck with someone that you just met right?
And will never see again, to me that isn’t growing that is just sex!
For me, sex and understanding is a level that is higher than ones who said, “yeah, last week I fucked this chick, right, and yeah she had big tits.. boring!!! However, if you firmly believe that is what turns you on.. well believe it then, however, your vocabilary may improve when you learn something much more hotter than some fucking of some chick you can’t recall her name but, you can recall her tits…really??? wow!
Life, love, and a sexual comfortability is trusting yourself and pushing your present understanding but, with a level head and not a stupid once off a speck of nothing.
However, each to their own.. for me I am a little wired differently and I know what I would like in a superb display of revolting animal sex in the privacy of those that I am truly comfortable with and trust with my entire worth!
I only know what I know…. but, what a future it would be… oh my gosh… my imagination is desturbingly awesome…….YES!!!
I couldn’t for the life of me understand what was so wrong about it.
To me, the idea of the commercial was to challenge one another to be better human beings.
To not be a bystander when there are toxic behaviours happening all around you. Frankly, I loved the message
Spoiler alert for how the rest of the conversation went:He did NOT share my view.
His take was this:
He sees women as a protected class.
What would happen, he pondered, if the commercial implied that women were toxic?
His suspicion and I think he might be right here, is that Gillette would be done for. From his perspective, Gillette and the rest of the world are picking on guys like him.
Good guys that can’t walk around without feeling like they have done something wrong because they have male genitalia.
He is sick of being portrayed as the bad guy all the time.
Even in trying to defend himself as one of the good guys, he felt that he came across as defending “toxic” behaviours.
He wasn’t being toxic.
He was just being him.
A man. And there is nothing inherently toxic
about that.
I get his point.
The trouble, as I see it, is the assignment of the word “toxic” to any particular gender.
Women too can be toxic. Particularly where gossip is concerned.
Source: Baruska / Pixabay
Toxicity is toxicity.
Males certainly don’t have a monopoly on bad behaviours.
Perhaps we need to rethink the assignment of the term “toxic masculinity,”as the definition is too easily expanded to offend people like my friend who feels as if his whole gender is under attack.
Toxicity doesn’t belong to a gender any more than it can be exclusively assigned to skin colour.
In fact, females, are often the drivers of exactly the behaviours we label as being “toxic” in males.
Female mate selection is complicated, but the driving characteristics of “good mates”haven’t changed throughout evolutionary history.
Females today demonstrate the same preferences for their sexual partners as their ancestors did. In short, we want protectors.
In experimental settings, women are generally more attracted to males with higher testosterone, and more aggressive/dominant tendencies.
Hmmm….in reality this means that as females, we may be selected for some of the behaviours we label as “toxic masculinity.”
While not a perfect correlation by any means, high testosterone is linked to extramarital affairs, high sex drive, aggression and fighting.
These “toxic behaviours”might be the direct result of our selections.
What message of “toxic femininity” might be sent by various magazines to their largely female audiences?
And what of the toxic femininity?
What do we do to one another as females?
As I was drinking my coffee this morning, I found myself flipping through one of my “girly” magazines.
I began noticing all the ways it made me feel imperfect.
All the other smiling females that looked back judgingly at me from the interior pages – all skin glowing, and tight stomachs, and perfectly shiny hair and makeup and I began to realize that this was the equivalent of males flexing at one another.
The readership of this magazine is 91% female.
These pages were made for me, to demonstrate how a female should look.
This could easily be labelled as toxic femininity.
Is there anything wrong with being in shape, and pretty and smiling?
Of course not! But could it be toxic in its interpretation by me?
Absolutely.
The idea that I had to meet some standard of perfection in order to be feminine is certainly a toxic formula – perhaps the same formula we assign to men (must you demonstrate your testosterone-laden tendencies in order to be masculine?).
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Do females abuse one another with these standards?
Do we gossip and put one another down and hurt each other by spreading vicious rumours?
Absolutely.
Do we weaponize sex, and use it as a powerful tool to get what we want?
More than most of us will care to admit.
These behaviours aren’t exclusively feminine any more than bullying, catcalling, and abuse of power is exclusively masculine.
I’m not justifying behaviours on either side.
In fact, I’m condemning them on both sides.
There are toxic behaviours in the world. And certainly, some are demonstrated by one gender at disproportionately higher rates than the other, but it is the behaviour itself, not the gender that needs the label.
Yes, sexual harassment is toxic.
Yes, bullying is toxic.
Yes, intentionally hurting another human without cause is toxic.
But perhaps we need to put the labels in the right place.
On the behaviours.
We will need males and females as equal advocates in a fight to make the world a better, less toxic world for everyone.
Writer Joan Didion (in “Slouching Toward Bethlehem”) defines character as “the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life.”
We all have lapses in the display of good character.
Then there is the criminal for whom blaming others is at the core of his personality. Whenever life disappoints him, he faults others.
This characteristic is most obvious when he denies culpability to avoid dire consequences such as incarceration.
He reverts to claiming he was duped, intimidated, or somehow compelled to behave as he did. Or he may cite “bad luck.”
One felon explained in all seriousness, “I was born at the wrong time, at the wrong date, and under the wrong sign.”
Focusing on adversities that the criminal claims were not of his own making may win sympathy, perhaps even get him off the hook. He emphasizes how mistreated he was, but fails to mention how he helped create the circumstances under which it happened.
A skilled welder, Ted portrayed himself as a diligent worker who got a raw deal. Only an interview with his employer elicited the real story.
Ted failed to mention that he often arrived at work late, sometimes hungover, and occasionally did not show up at all.
Although his supervisor warned him repeatedly and even offered to pay for him to get substance abuse treatment, Ted did nothing to improve.
The employer reached a point where he could no longer endure Ted’s erratic functioning and terminated him.
Presenting himself as a victim is more than a tactic by which a criminal attempt to exonerate himself. He genuinely believes he is in the right. Describing how he typically viewed day to day situations, one criminal acknowledged, “I made myself into a little god at every turn.” A god does not make a mistake, much less fail. Neither does the criminal (by his own estimation). He expects total success at any venture. Anything less is intolerable. If people do not support his view of himself, they are in error, not he. He then regards himself as a victim of their misinterpretations.
Most people do not conceive of the world as their personal chessboard where only they determine outcomes. They realize that things sometimes do not work out because of their own unrealistic expectations, errors in judgment, or other shortcomings. If they are of good character, they accept responsibility and try to remedy a situation if possible.
The criminal either is oblivious to or does not care about his impact on others. If he has any awareness of what being a victim entails, it is when he is confronted by the results of severe physical injury that he inflicts—evidence in the form of blood spilt, bones were broken, or a lifeless body. Even then, the perpetrator is likely to minimize culpability by emphasizing circumstances that purport to explain why he behaved as he did. Speaking about holding up a liquor store, one gunman explained, “I wasn’t going to kill the guy. I just wanted his money. But when he moved toward me, I had to do what I did.”
When required to account for his actions, a criminal may offer a half-hearted acknowledgement that he harmed someone, but follow that fleeting admission by lamenting the unfairness of what happened to him. It is always about the injustice he suffered: “I know the guy missed his stuff, but I’m the one who’s gotta do the time.”
Blaming the real victim is commonplace. “If she hadn’t left the keys in the car, I wouldn’t have taken it. She needs to be more careful.” Or “that woman should never have been walking in that neighbourhood at night dressed the way she was. She was looking for something to happen.”
Victimhood is not just something the criminal feigns to exonerate himself. Whenever the world does not give the criminal what he believes he is due, he is the victim. And because he truly believes this, thinking makes it so.
Pineapple is packed with vitamin C and contains an enzyme called bromelain that reduces inflammation of the gut, boosts immune function, and stimulates protein digestion.
Try combining it with blueberries, which are loaded with antioxidants and vitamins A, C, and E.
Anthocyanin is the main antioxidant in both blueberries and cherries and is what gives these fruits their gorgeous deep blue and red colours.
Grab some tart cherries over sweet ones as they are shown to contain higher amounts of phenolic compounds, delivering a stronger anti-inflammatory punch.
Feeling a little run down? Kiwi, grapefruit, and strawberries can give your immune system the boost it needs to keep you healthy.
Kiwis are rich in vitamin C, which helps support the immune system and prevents free radical damage that can lead to inflammation in the body.
Grapefruit and strawberries are also some of our top vitamin C foods (containing more C than oranges!) that can help boost immunity and fight off sickness. Rich in both vitamins A and C, strawberry seeds also contain minerals that support immune function.
Helpful hint — don’t wait until it’s too late and you’re already sneezing. This would be a great fruit plate to get in before a long flight so that your immune system is strong and ready to go.
3. Antioxidant plate: Fig, red grape, pomegranate
These three fruits are high in antioxidants and disease-fighting compounds that protect our bodies from free radical damage and keep us looking and feeling youthful.
The resveratrol in red grapes — and red wine — offers powerful antioxidant and anti-aging properties that help combat disease and signs of aging. Grapes are also high in lutein and zeaxanthin, which keeps our vision strong and can minimize the harmful effects of ultraviolet rays.
Pomegranates contain higher levels of antioxidants than most fruits and can help to reverse free-radical skin damage.
Figs are not only dangerously delicious — they are also rich in minerals including potassium, calcium, magnesium, iron, and copper and they are a great source of vitamins A, E, and K.
Incorporate some of these antioxidant fruits on your plate to help you fight disease, age gracefully, and keep strong.
We can’t detoxify without the help of foods that will hydrate and flush toxins out of the system.
So, let’s start with watermelon, which is 92 per cent water and also contains a major detoxifying agent called glutathione. It is also a source of lycopene and vitamins A and C, which further aid in detoxing and fighting free radicals.
Super alkaline upon digestion, lemon is also a strong detoxifier and has antibacterial and antiviral qualities. I like to squeeze it over my fruit, add it to green juice (with lots of parsley and cucumber for a major de-bloating combination), or drink it with warm water first thing in the morning to help cleanse the body and get the digestive system going.
And let’s not forget goji berries. These little guys are a great source of antioxidants, vitamins (A, B, C, and E), iron, and choline, which the liver needs for detoxification processes.
5. Beauty plate: Blackberry, papaya, cantaloupe
Here’s what you should be eating in the morning before your next big event!
Papaya is full of antioxidants and nutrients that assist in the production of collagen. It also contains an enzyme called papain that helps to counter skin damage.
Blackberries are delicious low-sugar fruits that are packed with antioxidants and vitamins A and C.
We don’t want to miss out on cantaloupe. It contains beta-carotene, which is converted into vitamin A in the body and helps make our skin glow and our hair strong and shiny.
6. Energy plate: Banana, avocado, apple
The next time you’re looking for some fuel or wanting to charge up your pre- or post-workout, throw together this energy plate. These nutrient-rich fruits (yes, avocado is a fruit) will replenish and keep you going for hours.
Bananas provide us with quick energy and are a great choice pre-workout. The healthy fats in avocados slow down digestion and are better to incorporate into your post-workout meal.
Apples are high in fibre and will keep you full for long periods of time. Take your pick or choose all three… If you’re looking for a burst of energy, this plate is for you.
Why it matters
All of these fruit combinations are powerful and provide a variety of health benefits.
From antioxidant and anti-inflammatory boosts to gorgeous, glowing skin and strong immunity, look to fruit for medicinal qualities and begin experimenting with some of these combinations today!
Splitting up is probably the hardest thing I did back in those days! I was the first Amato on my father’s side to divorce so I knew my decision was going to be difficult for my family and myself and of course my son… It wasn’t made in haste and I had a good reason just not for a post that information…
It took all of my strength and I never made this decision ever as saying it was easy.. because it certainly wasn’t easy at all..
I was brought up in a multicultural family my father Italian born Molfetta, my mother Australian born (anti suppressant -btw that was a joke) , her parents Father was Irish and her mother my grandmother bless her heart now deceased was Italian, French both born in Australia with different cultures.
A mixed bag of tricks (personalities) I guess!
I married young to someone that I should not have married all because of many reasons that I am sure I have already written about. We both wear young he cheated on the very first night of his and my Hens and Bux and to be honest if you’re going to do it that early your better off single!
We all did silly things when we are young however, we both had a beautiful little boy that wasn’t easy to make I might tell you!
Note: have not said much about my son’s fathers side of the family…. for a reason I might add
I miscarried and lost a child just under 5 months before we had Jordan, back in those days it was normal and no-one would go on about aww you poor thing!
Frankly, my family wasn’t built like that they got on with the job and never allowed ourselves to sob over silly unrealistic things like a miscarriage!
Oh, how families are, right!
Personally, I believe when I was younger I hurt my spine and it is always quite a week my neck area, I did gymnastics and I was a little snipper of maybe 8 or 9 years old and it was my turn to run on the Minnie tramp and do a double roundabout I was supposed to land on my feet but, I missed and then I landed onto the bar with my neck that evening! To be honest my memory of after that time is very dismal, however, I did seem to suffer from neck and back problems which I still do…
After time had passed after the miscarriage I finally got a present which was Jordan as my beautiful gift, it was amazing pregnancy, to be honest, I was extremely happy and my son was healthy and I couldn’t ask for any more than that!
My life was my son after he was born I was so proud and I adored that little boy and his life was awesome too!
However, not everything in life is simple nor is it easy, to be honest, personalities, judgement ideas of how to bring children up and also others not the best to suggest their quality judgement on what to do as a new parent! Nor, were others that hmm, which I will talk about another time…but, we did what we did and that was “our best”.
Reflecting…
I never hit my child because I believed that it didn’t work for me as a child plus, my son was not a naughty kid he was a free-spirited child a bit like me actually, in fact, his whole person was me very strong willed!
My dad said, Fifi, never break a child’s spirit, I said, I wasn’t planning it, Dad, I like attitude call it what you like he has a great spirit indeed!
Of course, he got this from me…. all me…. hehe joking
Sorry I have to say that as a mother!
A reflection of one’s life well I am in fact about to start WordPress site dedicated to my son with pictures and many things all about him, you see I have not seen my boy since he was 11 – 12 years old.
So, I will be doing a site dedicated to him and his life up until then and then it will be sent to him with passwords and so forth for him to delete if he wishes.
I have no idea how and when but, it is for him with a non-biased reflection of his life based by my own memory with loads of pictures he will be surprised… he will hate my guts this isn’t about me… this year.. is about a lot of things but, not so much me.. so stay tuned…
The symptoms of menopause can be severe and occur often over a long period of time.
Every woman will experience menopause at some point in their life, but similarly to PMS, every woman experiences it with different symptoms and severity.
The most common symptoms of menopause range from emotional symptoms, like mood swings and anxiety, to physical symptoms like hot flashes, insomnia, and uncomfortable sex. Marijuana can help with a variety of symptoms caused by menopause, as well as help women who have problems with early onset menopause.
Endocannabinoid levels, like estrogen levels, are highest during ovulation.
Estrogen helps to regulate the fatty acid amide hydrolase (FAAH), which breaks down the naturally occurring endocannabinoid anandamide.
When there’s an insufficient amount of estrogen in the system, endocannabinoids will begin to be broken down by the larger presence of FAAH.
The body’s naturally occurring endocannabinoids can be supplemented with cannabinoids from marijuana to reduce the effects of the breakdown of naturally occurring endocannabinoids and other symptoms related to endocannabinoid deficiency.
Various medical conditions can cause menopause to come on early, which can sometimes cause even stronger symptoms.
Clinical Endocannabinoid Deficiency is believed to be a cause of early onset menopause, as well as medical conditions such as breast cancer.
Estrogen Replacement Therapy, or ERT, is a common treatment for many menopausal and postmenopausal women who experience extreme symptoms, but it is not available or recommended for everyone.
Cannabis Instead of ERT
Cannabis can be a great alternative for women who cannot take ERT because of conditions like ovarian cancer or heart disease.
ERT is often administered to help prevent adverse problems from menopause like bone loss. The cannabinoids CBD, CBG, CBC, and TCHV have been found to help stimulate bone growth and help prevent the onset of osteoporosis after menopause. Supplementing endocannabinoids from cannabis can help stimulate the body and delay some of the effects of early menopause.
Cannabis can also work to regulate the body after menopause.
Less estrogen is produced in the body post menopause, so in turn, the body produces less natural endocannabinoids.
The decrease in endocannabinoids can cause a variety of problems, like the poor ability to respond to stress.
Cannabis can help supplement the body’s natural endocannabinoids and decrease the symptoms associated with lower levels of estrogen and endocannabinoids.
Cannabis can also help fight many of the most common symptoms associated with menopause. Marijuana can help reduce anxiety and stress, which can be a common part of mood swings associated with menopause.
CBD heavy strains can be particularly helpful for women who experience anxiety with menopause because of CBD’s ability to ease anxiety problems.
Cannabis can also help with insomnia by promoting sleep.
THC heavy indica strains are known to be the best at promoting sleep because of THC’s ability to help ease people into sleep.
One of the ways marijuana can be the most helpful for women experiencing menopause is easing sexual discomfort during menopause.
Women going through menopause often find sex to be uncomfortable due to a decrease in sexual desire or other related issues, such as increased vaginal dryness.
The bottom line marijuana can help with a variety of menopause symptoms for women experiencing it at all points in their life and with various levels of severity.
Among this group, women take the lead, and in most cases, they aren’t terp-hunting or trying to make Family Guy funnier, but instead are seeking alternative forms of relief from the downsides of ageing.
Cannabis has been used medicinally by various cultures for thousands of years, but it is really in the past decade or so that the medical community has gotten onboard with weed and has begun to lend its credibility to what has mostly been anecdotal evidence up until now.
When many people hear the term “medical marijuana” their minds tend to go to extremes, like cancer or epilepsy treatments. Cannabis can certainly play an important role in helping to overcome such maladies, but the more we dig into the science behind the plant, the more ailments and conditions are found to be treatable with cannabis.
When women reach a certain age range, usually between 45 and 55, their body begins to undergo a series of usually less than desirable changes known as menopause.
Menopause affects over one billion women and symptoms may include problems sleeping, hot flashes, a reduction in bone density, increased irritability, decreased sex drive, and a higher risk of heart disease and breast cancer.
Traditionally, women have been told to just deal with it. It has become a stereotype for middle-aged women used as an excuse or a punchline for men who cannot relate whatsoever.
In the most extreme cases, Hormone Replacement Therapy, or Estrogen Replacement Therapy can be administered, but long term use has been shown to further increase the chances of bone disease or breast cancer. Because of this, doctors usually only recommend such treatment for 24 months or less, but even that is going to elevate risk levels of life-threatening diseases.
But new light being shone upon the many benefits of medical marijuana has revealed that when it comes to menopause, kush might be a lady’s best friend.
As you may now, all humans have within them something called the Endocannabinoid System. This network consists of CB2 receptors located throughout the body that are activated by cannabis in a process called “signalling”.
As a woman’s estrogen levels naturally drop during menopause, this signalling process gets weaker and the all-encompassing endocannabinoid system begins to break down.
Whether it is in men or women, young or old, the endocannabinoid system regulates our overall well-being in a myriad of ways – from how your mood is balanced when you talk to how your weight is balanced when you walk.
So when this system suffers, the side effects can be wide-ranging… like with menopause.
Since the endocannabinoid system works to regulate emotional responses, anxiety, depression, bone loss, and more, flooding those CB2 receptors with good ol’ fashioned cannabis can provide real relief.
The beneficial effects of cannabis use are found to be strongest in premenopausal women, though they can still realize substantial aid later in the process with increased intake of cannabis.
For those concerned with the potential psychoactive effects of cannabis use, alternative forms of use such as topical creams, balms, and salves can provide the healing benefits of the plant without the “high” usually associated with weed. Similarly, cannabis suppositories are also growing in popularity based on their effectiveness.
Both of these options are showing up more frequently on dispensary menu boards, but if they are not available, simple microdosing with cannabis flowers or oils can also do the trick. A little trial and error will allow menopausal women to dial in a dose that delivers the medicinal benefits without the buzz.
Additionally, cannabis use boosts natural serotonin signalling in the same receptors which can have a profoundly beneficial impact on occurrences of hot flashes and night sweats that can interrupt a healthy sleeping pattern.
This day and night relief, combined with the general sense of euphoria that cannabis tends to provide, can do wonders for the mood of a middle-aged woman, improving not only her quality of life but that of those around her.
And do we even need to tell you about sex on weed?
Let’s just say… it’s better!
The right dose of topical, edible, or even smoked or vaped cannabis about an hour before getting busy can stimulate the sex drive, increase sensitivity to the human touch, and provide a deep sense of relaxation and confidence that usually translates into spectacular sex.
For those who still opt for hormone or estrogen replacement regimens, cannabis use can help to offset the higher risks of bone disease and breast cancer.
Research conducted back in 2015 showed that the endocannabinoid system helps to build, grow, and preserve our skeletal system and that those same CB2 receptors play a crucial role in balancing bone metabolism.
So if you or someone you know is suffering from the effects of menopause, cannabis may be an all-natural remedy that can not only provide a higher quality of life, it can potentially lead to a longer life as well.
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This article is part of our ongoing educational series covering the truth surrounding the many benefits of cannabis. You can read about more topics at the links below:
When you ask women to name symptoms related to the menopause, they tend to mention three or four of them but it turns out there are 34 in total. From sleep disorders to vaginal dryness, these are just two of the symptoms Irish women face with menopause.
As the female body approaches the menopause, hormones begin to decrease in production. Because these hormones regulate various bodily functions, many women experience a myriad of unusual symptoms typically associated with ‘the change’.
According to a recent survey carried out by Regelle almost 1/3 of those affected by embarrassing symptoms of the menopause such as vaginal dryness, don’t even seek help from their doctor. Here’s a rundown on the other symptoms that you should probably know about.
1.Hair Loss
Hormonal changes can have all sorts of unexpected effects on the body and hair loss is one of them. Hair experts may recommend lifestyle changes but contact your doctor if you’re worried about it.
2.Weight Gain
You might start gaining weight around your belly. The key is exercising consistently. Ten minutes of gentle yoga or a walk on the beach will work wonders.
3. Brittle nails
One of the causes of weak nails is dehydration or lack of moisture in the body. Water is key and good shellac always works too – any excuse!
4.Sleep disorders
If you find you’re having trouble sleeping, try to avoid caffeine – found in coffee, tea and chocolate – besides keeping you awake, it may also trigger hot flashes.
5.Electric shock sensation
This one surprised us too! Relaxation techniques or a good massage can help relieve these strange sensations.
6. Allergies
You may develop new allergies and allergic reactions. Learn the reasons behind your allergies and you’ll stand a better chance of overcoming them quickly.
7.Burning tongue
Ask your doctor to check your iron levels and something as simple as an iron tonic can make all the difference and get you through these testing times.
8. Loss of libido
This can be one of the most difficult symptoms to manage, often because you might not understand how and why this is happening but it is extremely common and not unusual.
9. Vaginal dryness
One in Five Irish women says vaginal dryness affects their confidence, according to a recent survey from Kora Healthcare. This can result in being uncomfortable in the bedroom. There is nothing wrong with using a little aid to help you feel more comfortable between the sheets. Regelle is a vaginal moisturiser that comes in a discrete applicator giving immediate relief from vaginal dryness and discomfort. Vagina moisturisers have the benefit of lasting up to three days after application giving you long term relief.
10. Gum disorder
You can become more susceptible to gum disease following menopause. If you’re experiencing this, consult your dentist.
11. Mood Swings
The best place to start is to look at what and how you eat. This doesn’t mean you should go on a crash diet but rather get into a balanced routine of eating healthy.
12. Fatigue
A power nap is an essential tool to renew our mind and bodies. If your schedule allows; many women find it helpful to have a short 20 minutes nap during the day to reduce fatigue. Light exercise can also boost your energy.
13. Irritability
Avoid refined carbs and sugars to keep your blood sugar levels stable and your Zen in tact.
14. Memory lapse
Writing everything down, a ‘to do’ list and keeping a diary can help you stay on track when your memory is lapsing.
15. Dizziness
Green vegetables with lots of substance, such as broccoli and asparagus can help. A lack of vitamins B9 (folic acid) and B12 can cause this dizziness.
16. Bloating
Skip chewing gum and carbonated beverages: These can fill up your stomach with air, leaving you with a bloated abdomen and avoid smoking and alcohol if you can. Yoga employs a number of exercises as well as sitting positions and meditations that are great in eliminating gas and excess water that can lead to bloating.
17. Incontinence
You may not be able to control your bladder as you did before – pelvic floor exercises can help or your pharmacist can recommend a suitable remedy.
18. Night Sweats
Have a bottle of water by your bedside and try to avoid hot baths or showers within an hour of sleep.
19. Irregular heartbeat
Reducing your intake of caffeine can significantly reduce heart palpitations. Limiting consumption of stimulants, cigarettes, and alcohol can also remedy this.
20. Depression
Diet can help relieve symptoms of menopausal depression. Food like avocado helps because it boosts the production of serotonin.
21. Anxiety
The hormonal changes that happen during menopause can also drive feelings of anxiety. Try going for a walk in the park or burning lavender oil to ease your mind.
22. Breast Pain
Breast soreness should improve once your periods stop and your body no longer produces oestrogen.
23. Head Aches
Aim to drink about three litres of water every day to prevent dehydration and cut down on hormonal headaches.
24. Joint Pain
Fill your fridge with leafy greens and beans to ease the pain and avoid high impact sport.
25. Digestive problems
Digestive problems can be alleviated by something as simple as drinking more water or eating a balanced, fibre-rich diet.
26. Osteoporosis
Weight-bearing exercises (exercises that make your muscles work against gravity) are best for prevention of osteoporosis and should be done 3-4 X per week, for 30 minute
27. Tingling extremities
A good, balanced diet, hydration, and adequate sleep are basic lifestyle measures that can help.
28. Change in body odour
This is a totally normal occurrence during menopause so don’t fret – shower regularly and invest in a good deodorant to help you smell and feel better.
29. Difficulty concentrating
The main reason why this occurs is that of an oestrogen deficiency. However, not getting enough sleep or sleep disruptions can also contribute to memory problems and cause issues with concentration.
30. Hot flashes
These are one of the most common symptoms of menopause. Invest in a portable fan and cool yourself down throughout the day.
31. Itchy crawly skin
There are some daily habits that can protect your skin from itchiness, such as avoiding the sun for too long and using tea tree, avocado, or almond oil for cleansing.
32. Irregular periods
Irregular periods are one of the first symptoms of menopause. Periods usually become erratic before they stop altogether.
33. Panic Disorders
You should first make sure your diet is healthy and has all the essential nutrients. It’s also a good idea to make sure that you get proper exercise and a good night’s sleep
…Emotional abandonment occurs when parents do not provide emotional conditions and the emotional environment necessary for healthy development. I like to define emotional abandonment as “occurring when a child has to hide a part of who he or she is in order to be accepted or to not be rejected.”
How we as children and young teens or even young adults, are then left, to it.., with either one parent present, or even two but, only one present, however, so many other ways we can describe this title and how it would mean to just one person who felt in their life that is left solo to fend for themselves.
Abandonment experiences and boundary violations are in no way indictments of a child’s innate goodness and value. Instead, they reveal the flawed thinking, false beliefs, and impaired behaviours of those who hurt them.
Still, the wounds are struck deep in their young hearts and minds, and the very real pain can still be felt today.
The causes of emotional injury need to be understood and accepted so they can heal. Until that occurs, the pain will stay with them, becoming a driving force in their adult lives.
1. Who has the tendency to hold a grudge–you or you’re significant other?
Both, we both seem to hold it against each other until both are accountable
2. The last time you had sex, was it meaningful (making love) or trivial (getting a much-needed fuck)?
Can’t really recall it has been over 3 to 4 weeks now not that I am counting must be something in the air.. go figure…
3. Do you have sex with your eyes open or closed?
Does it matter?
4. When arguing with a loved one, who is most likely to “hit below the belt*” first?
My husband is very clever at it however, I do give it my best no-ones perfect
5. Has sex with your best friend a dream come true or the worst nightmare?
Hmm, Friends with benefits it all depends on the friend and how they see things who knows.. for me… I prefer less talk more action… everything to me has already been written so be brave and do it and see where the cards land..
Bonus: Share with us your best tip for making your online dating profile standout.
Starchy Potatoes and those gourmet small potatoes if you wish to make sure when you cook both that the bigger starchy ones are more firm to eat because basically, the potatoes do keep on cooking…
Now hold that thought for a moment!!
I cooked two pots the smaller ones I cooked until they were nearly mash bit like smashed potatoes..
The bigger ones I cooked where you can prong them with a fork but, you know that they won’t fall apart like the smaller potatoes.
Now once cooked drain them into a colander and run cold water from that tap over them for a few seconds and let them sit in the bowl that you’re using like I did below.
They will cool down as you add ingredients…
Once you do that you do the same to the smaller potatoes and you drain them but, you make sure they are a little overcooked.
Now, this is if you want to make two different types of potatoes it kind of gives you a bit of a balance and by putting the firmer ones on the bottom of the bowl they will firmly hold and also cook as you are preparing and adding it your dish.
What will you need to make this dish?
Ingredients
1 small packet of good quality bacon (6 rashes diced or slithered)
8 quality waxy Potatoes (diced to your desire)
2 small teaspoons of chilli (if hotter then add more)
Parsley fresh
Spring onions diced
Eggs 4 to 6 boiled to hard
1 large Onion
1 thinnly spiced and sparced into the dish later while preparing Red Onion
Salt and Pepper throughout
Make your Mayonaise or purchase Praise Mayonaise
Greek Yogurt
Red Capsicum
Caramelised Onion Balsamic dressing
Firstly while your potatoes are boiling and your eggs are separately boiling this is an opportune time to prepare your bacon, onion, chilli and oil dressing.
I use a small wok, with a little bit of Olive oil pure, add a bit of fresh chilli if you desire this and your diced onion, while cooking add in the bacon and cook until brown and you should see it start to caramelised nicely.
Always taste your dish if you need salt to add it if you think you require more chilli then add that…as well 🙂
Make sure your potatoes are not boiling to a mashed up mess so make sure you watch that boiling temperature !!!
While your onions are frying lovely once you are happy that both are cooked add a splash of Balsamic Cameralised Onion Dressing into the wok and it will go a nice dark colour and of course taste it!
Once cooked take your wok off the stove and allow it to cool…
Then layer your plate each time you layer your levels add your Balsamic Onion, Bacon nicely by using a large spoon and mix together your yoghurt and mayonnaise by splashing it over your layers adding salt and pepper throughout each layer.
Then once finished please as you have yoghurt over your layers it must go back into the fridge to set…
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CANCER (June 22 – July 23) This is a perfect moment for surprises of all shapes and sizes. Matters which take an interesting turn could include anything which involves water, the arts or your favorite fantasies. Take great care with routine and practical responsibilities, because you might slip up and miss a vital detail.
LEO (July 24 – Aug. 23) Take heed of good advice at all times. Other people will be telling you to listen to reason. That’s all very well, but they themselves are likely to be driven by emotions, desires and a range of feelings which have little, if anything, to do with the ‘facts’.
VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23) Old friends loom large in your plans this week. If you’re socializing, fit in with partners’ ideas. Don’t worry if one engagement is canceled, but do fill the vacuum with something equally enjoyable. Long-distance travel will open intriguing possibilities.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23) Recent powerful planetary activity has tended to make you a little too sensitive and inclined to take offense. Your natural peace-loving instincts have been balanced by a perfectly reasonable desire to respond to provocation. Perhaps now you should begin to express your feelings but do so in a calm manner.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22) The Chinese sages used to talk about the desirability of taking what they called ‘the middle way’. Right now this may be a better option than allowing yourself to be pulled between opposite extremes by following your instincts. Also, take whatever time off you need, whatever partners say.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 22) Sometimes your imagination runs away with you. You seem to be all too prone to vague worries, even when there’s nothing to be concerned about. The simple solution is to seek reassurance whenever you want – and never to bottle up fears which are much better talked about.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 23 – Jan. 20) Socially, and in love, everything is not what it seems. This doesn’t mean that you won’t enjoy yourself, but it does indicate very strongly that surface appearances may be out of step with inner truths. Plus, your shrewd business instincts should enable you to pick up a handy bargain and make massive savings.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19) Powerful stars will certainly keep you on the move, and you may be facing an awkward dilemma concerning contradictory pressures at home and at work. The question is how should you, or a partner, divide your time between the two? Perhaps you won’t find the answer until next month. Take as much time as you need.
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar 20) There is a strange sense of anticipation in the air, mainly induced by the power of passionate Pluto, a planet which stirs up your emotions as no other. You are in a highly delicate state to say the least, and you need pampering: there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first, by the way.
The idea behind all aphrodisiacs is that by ingesting certain foods, people will feel more excited, in love, and most importantly aroused.
Ahead we’re going to cover some tried and true aphrodisiacs and why they work.
Here are a few of our favorites:
Chocolate
Chocolate contains phenylethylamine – an inducer of a naturally occurring ‘happy chemicals’ that can improve mood.
Plus there is medical evidence behind the placebo effect of chocolate on arousal. Not to mention, chocolate is a great addition to foreplay.
Lavender
A recent study from the Smell and Taste Treatment Research Foundation in Chicago found that the combination of lavender and pumpkin pie elicited the most significant arousal response from men, with a nearly 40% increase of blood to an erection.
Capsaicin stimulates the nerve endings of the tongue and activates a release of epinephrine, aka adrenaline, which can rev up the intensity level during a sexual situation.
Benefits of Sex with Toys
Couples that use sex toys during foreplay and sex actually find they have an easier job giving direction, which is great new since communication is the bedrock to rocking your bed.
Such a wide variety of toys also gives people options to explore what sensations feel the best.
Plus, enjoying sex toys with a partner can do wonders for building sexual confidence since so many toys enhance the experience, often for both people.
Stimulating your genital areas doesn’t need to be a solo sport, it can be a team effort. Some toys are even designed to rev up foreplay or enhance the act altogether.
Couples vibrators are a perfect accompaniment to regular sexual activity and can bring some incredible new sensations and pleasures into the routine.
Some toys, like the Womanizer Premium or the Picobong Transformer, can be used to stimulate many sensual areas of the body.
Couples can use these toys to explore ways to enjoy touch and add a whole new element to sex, including helping women come to climax.
Toys also solve a very practical problem for couples, making the most out of the time they can find for sex.
Since not having the time is often an excuse couples have for not having sex, toys not only add exciting variety but can also speed up orgasm, so couples can enjoy a little quality when they don’t have the time for quantity.
Best Sex Toys for Couples Who Like Adventure
Sexessories, are fun accouterments that can heighten the intensity level of sex and thanks to pop culture phenomenon like Fifty Shades of Grey, whips, chains, and blindfolds are growing in popularity and acceptance.
Couples who play together stay together and fetish play is a fun way to introduce some exciting stimuli to foreplay.
Couples therapists even find that sexual play among couples positively affects other parts of the relationship, especially communication.
Try a little trust-building bondage. Talk with your partner, explore the possibilities, and come up with a fun safe word!
cock-rings are designed with body-friendly materials, can aid or intensify an erection, and apply some pretty direct vibrating stimulation to the clitoris.
Anal toys like the Njoy Pure Plug is a great choice for couples who want to add something new and exciting to the old routine.
Not only can both women and men enjoy sex with toys, but anal play is an incredible sexual enhancer, stimulating either the prostate or by offering a mind-blowing filled sensation for partners who use an anal toy during vaginal intercourse.
Not Feeling Sexual? Call the Doctor
Getting in the mood is a natural, biological reaction in the human body. However, this process can go haywire, and that affects hay-rolling.
A psychological condition like depression or anxiety
Getting older (testosterone and estrogen don’t stick around forever)
Stress
Too much alcohol
Medication side-effects
Erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness
Your MD will want to know if you have a drop in sex drive because it is often a symptom of something else, and some medical intervention can put you right back on track.
Plus a doctor can make sure you are healthy enough for sexual activity.
If you are struggling with chronic illness or dealing with medication-induced dispassion, you’re among allies!
This excellent article from Hedonish.com covers the topic and can give you some ideas on how to cope.
There is hope, we promise!
Fuck it, Just Do It, LIVE
Did you know that a majority of people find improvised sex to be extra exhilarating?
OK, there may be one or two places that are not ideal for spontaneous sex.
After all, public indecency is against the law, but private indecency isn’t.
The deed is not reserved only for under the sheets.
Getting frisky at the moment can be a fun and exciting way to amp up the intensity of the moment and can be done in the safety and privacy of the home, or hotel room.
Find new positions, inspired by the natural kingdom. Have sex in the water, grass, sunshine, moonlight, or snow.
Work with the moments you have for sex, even if they aren’t ideal. The both of you can benefit significantly from discovering these moments together and adding a little variety.
Hopefully, we’ve given you some great ideas and motivations that will boost your sex life a little or a lot.
At the end of the day, when you’re in bed with you or your special someone, we hope you’ll think about what we talked about here. The rest is up to you!
Research has shown that people look for a romantic partner with a sense of humor, but how does laughter across these three variables affect relationship satisfaction?
The researchers found that being laughed at has positive effects, especially in women, who tended to be satisfied with their relationship and felt attracted to their partner.
Psychologists from Martin Luther University conducted a study that involved 154 heterosexual couples.
The participants separately answered questions about their relationship in an online interview.
They were asked questions about their relationship satisfaction — whether they argued often and how satisfied they were with their sex life.
The researchers also asked if participants like to laugh at others and how they handled being laughed at.
The researchers found that being laughed at has positive effects, especially in women, who tended to be satisfied with their relationship and felt attracted to their partner.
They and their partners were found to be equally satisfied with their sex life, too.
Being laughed at was also negatively associated with relationship satisfaction for people who fear being laughed at.
These individuals are less content in their relationships and tend to mistrust their partner.
This also affected their partners — men particularly did not feel satisfied with their sex life if their partner was afraid of being laughed at.
The researchers did not find any association between relationship satisfaction and people who liked to ridicule others.
However, such couples tend to argue often.
How you handle laughter is just one indicator of the nature of your relationship, according to the psychologists.
There are various other factors that contribute to a successful and happy relationship.
But having an insight into how partners handle being laughed at can be useful for couples therapy and relationship counseling.
The divulging of your sexuality towards other people is commonly referred to as ‘coming out’.
This is a specific rite of passage for young gays whereby they not only acknowledge their sexuality, but they begin to tell other people such as their family and close friends, about their sexual orientation.
Coming out is an intensely personal process, and many people experience both positive and negative stories when it comes to their coming out.
In today’s society, particularly in Western Culture, coming out is often deemed to be not a big issue.
Though, try telling that to the person who is struggling with their sexuality and has conservative parents.
Coming out as a young person has unique and different challenges to coming out as an older person, and the experiences can be profoundly different.
People will ultimately come from a wide range of ethnic, religious, class and racial backgrounds which will directly influence their experiences as they come out.
These social standings can affect an individual’s safety, or even their family’s safety and coming out can risk the loss of friendships, relationships and family all because you are exploring your passionate nature.
Ignoring your passions towards relationships is not something that can be done, as ignoring your feelings will often cause great pain, fear, and anxiety.
It’s a different experience for everyone. Thus, coming out as a white, able-bodied young Australian will be a profoundly different experience than that of an African Immigrant living in a low socio-economic area of New York.
Aside from these challenges, there are many more challenges to coming out as an older male, especially if one has denied or repressed their sexuality in their youth and have begun to raise a family.
Older generations were raised in a society and grew up in a time of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell‘ and many people have successfully hidden and/or repressed their sexuality until much later in life.
The question then becomes; why did they hide it?
There’s a variety of reasons as to why people might choose to hide or ignore their sexuality.
Most teenagers, and arguably this is part of being part of a teenager, will naturally reach a point in their lives whereby they will test where the bounds of sex and sexuality sit, and they will explore these boundaries.
It can be an incredibly frustrating and confusing time especially when society expects that you will fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, have children and grow old together and you’re simply not sharing or feeling like that.
At this stage, some people might fundamentally reject their feelings on religious grounds, upbringing, or they might develop intense negative feelings surrounding the issue of sexuality and as a result, will push down on those feelings until they no longer exist.
Coming Out is Distressing
This can pose significant issues later in life, and ultimately they’re setting themselves up until they have reached a point when they can no longer deny their feelings.
They have given a lifestyle of heterosexuality their best shot and it’s simply no longer viable.
They have attempted to conform to societal expectations of getting married, having children, and it’s not until they get to later on in lives that they realise that there have been profoundly important things about themselves with which they have neglected, or not acknowledged.
Other people might simply not have the capacity to understand or interpret their feelings of attraction because they had deemed it to be as abnormal, or wrong. In that regard, is not surprising that a lot of baby boomers wait until later in life when they decide to come out, and it’s usually as a result of their lives becoming simply unbearable as a result of hiding who they truly are. Coming out when you’re young is difficult. Coming out when you’re older has significantly more challenges, and arguably, is a lot harder than coming out when young. We’ve compiled a short list of the difficulties that older people might face when they decide to come out later in life.
1. Being Gay And Married:-
Owing to the fact that many people try and repress their sexuality, they will conform to social, familial and religious pressures and decide to get married. Though it is important to note that not all religions have strong stances on homosexuality.
does not have a single school of thought when it comes to homosexuality and is simply merely discouraged.
In any event, people might conform to the popular belief that it’s not accepted and continue on a heterosexual lifestyle.
They might do this in the hope that their homosexual feelings will go away, or they might find themselves in a deep state of denial, or they simply might feel that their feelings are nothing but a phase and representative of the feeling of ‘cold feet’ of getting married.
Many mature gay men have stated that the reason that they got married was that they’d hoped that the feelings would go away, they loved their wives, they considered their wives their best friends and soul mates but rather than happiness and bliss for their lifetime together, all they would feel was an overwhelming sense of infidelity and deceit as they discovered that the feelings wouldn’t go away.
They might try marriage counseling or some form of couples counseling, but inevitably it’s not going to work.
Coming Out To Your Wife Can Be Devastating
Often they can hide and repress this for years, the distractions of life, and growing older play a great part in a person’s ability to ignore what’s underneath as they traverse life, climb the social/work ladder, buy a house, plan for a family and so on and so forth.
One of the worst aspects of being both married and gay is the understanding that the moment that you come out, that there is potentially going to be a lot of hurt, pain, and anger from his wife.
This can be devastating and cause chaos in people’s lives and is probably one of the most challenging aspects of coming out when you’re older.
Especially since he might love his wife, considers her his best friend and feels that coming out will ultimately hurt her.
For some, they simply cannot take this and will either resort to drastic measures or simply engage in infidelity until they get caught out.
2. Parenthood:-
Through trying to repress ones sexuality, they might decide to get married. From there, they might end up being parents.
Becoming a parent also serves as a distraction-like tool in the repression of sexuality and some might see the prospect of having children to be worth it in staying in the closet because it provides them with opportunities that they may not have been able to have as a gay male.
Today, however, there are many options for queer people to fulfill their dreams of becoming parents, and these technologies were simply not available 30 years ago.
Other people feel that being a parent is more important than their sexuality, as they fear that any decision to come out after having children, could negatively impact them.
As such, there are a lot of people who acknowledge being gay early on in their marriage but who have already had children, they decide to repress their sexuality until their children are old enough to understand.
To some people, the idea of providing a loving and nurturing environment for their children is a far more important endeavor.
3. The idea of Lost Youth:-
Being young is about making mistakes, it’s about embarking on life with the training wheels firmly attached and it is a state of learning and growing.
What about the idea though, that you start off life in the development of a particular lifestyle, only to discover that that’s not for you?
You essentially, in part have to start again.
This is a common train of thought for older people who have come out later in life and they might get the impression that they have to go out into the world and make up for lost time.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to make up for lost time, what’s past has already passed. Mature Gay Adults who have only recently come out, however, will often find themselves behaving and acting like the teen they never got to be in an effort to make up for lost time.
It’s almost considered to be in the same vein as having a mid-life crisis – even the most placid and calm of people might suddenly turn into a raging teen at the candy store lusting and drooling after all the new things in the world that they can experience.
It’s tricky. Others might feel such a sense of shame and inadequacy that it makes them vulnerable to forms of abuse, and they may be plagued with unhappiness regarding the sense that they’re supposed to be an adult, and all of a sudden they’re a child in a world that they didn’t know much about.
In either circumstance, however, there is cause for concern.
Not only in forms of abuse either from being sexually assaulted or financial as a result of this vulnerability, and in young people potentially seeking a sugar daddy where the older gay male is looking for love, but also in the sense that sex and dating conquests may not necessarily equate to a healthy sexual lifestyle.
4. Family Acceptance:-
One of the most important things that people yearn for when they decide to come out of the closet, is that it won’t adversely affect their relationship with their family.
It’s a fundamental need and desire to be loved and accepted by your family.
When people start coming out in their 30’s, 40’s or even beyond there are some families which will struggle with this new found status.
Some members of the family might be unable to accept the sudden change, in the sense that who you’ve been for the majority of your life has now suddenly changed.
They may not be able to transcend past the idea of how they remember or know who their child, brother, sister, the nephew was.
There’s really no way in telling if the experience is going to be a positive or negative experience.
Especially when some people support the idea of being gay, and they can’t get past the feeling that they had been deceived the majority of your life in regards to the gay person.
5. Family acceptance
Will also extend to the in-laws.
It is highly unlikely that a young gay male will be married in his teens, and as such, will never have to deal with the prospect of telling his in-laws about his sexuality.
People in their 30’s and beyond may have found themselves married, and have acquired a set of in-laws through their partner.
Gay people who come out later in life might have to deal with telling the in-laws about their sexuality.
Though, in some respects, it should be very much considered to be similar to a divorce – whereby the in-laws will either accept you’re coming out, will struggle to remain civil and polite, or they might even be glad to see the back of you.
Having grandchildren involved in this situation is certainly going to complicate things and realistically you should speak to your partner privately first, and have a discussion about the in-laws.
6. Youth Vs Truth:-
This one is partly driven by the shallowness of the queer community and the ideals associated with beauty.
Whereas many people subscribe to the idea that you’re only as old as you feel, it can be quite apparent when someone is desperately trying to cling onto their youth by either wearing inappropriate clothes or embarking on a lifestyle that isn’t representative of their age.
Common problems with coming out later in life circle around an individual’s insecurities – they feel that they’re well beyond the age of getting into the gay scene, or that they’re not in good enough shape to be taken seriously.
From here, one of two things will generally happen. You will go into over-drive and desperately seek to become the most ideal and often stereotypical gay man that you could be.
Or, you might find yourself in a pit of despair and feel that you’re just never going to be good enough and settle for a relationship, or a particular circumstance that is far less than what you deserve.
Neither of these scenarios are the healthiest.
The healthiest approach that one can take is simply let loose, be yourself and try to find your way on your own with the knowledge that there are countless others who are in exactly the same position that you are.
7. Baggage:-
This is one of the tougher ones and can really hit a person where it hurts.
When you’ve been married and you’ve got kids, there are many people out there who will consider you to be a person that’s carrying too much baggage.
However, it’s a similar situation to when going through a standard divorce, with the only difference is that you’re now dealing with a lot of issues and thoughts regarding your own sexuality and invariably it’s a lot of stuff happening at once. If you hear this said to you, it’s going to hurt. But just find comfort and solace in the idea that it’s certainly not an isolated occurrence and that you’re but one in a pool of people trying to find their way. Just like older people going through a divorce, you may find comfort in the idea of not necessarily embarking on looking for a relationship with someone that doesn’t have baggage of their own, but rather looking for someone that also wants to be serious and might be coming with their own baggage.
8. Training Wheels:-
You’ve spent the last x amount of years subscribing to a particular lifestyle, and now you have to change that.
Sex is going to be a major component of that, and it can be quite emasculating to discover that you’re considered to be absolutely clueless around sex.
You’re not alone, there’s no manual on having sex or gay relationships, and chances are that when you’re looking for someone else that’s also single they haven’t managed to understand the idea of relationships either!
9. Love:-
Mature people will often feel that they can’t be loved.
They’re often in an already vulnerable state having to deal with all of the above problems, and rather than playing the field and determining who they are attracted to, they’ll often find comfort in the idea of settling down with the first person that shows any interest in them. Monogamous relationships form their primary focus and whilst there’s no harm in this – if you’re specifically looking to form a monogamous relationship then there’s a chance that it can actually stop you from getting into a relationship. The best advice in this regard, play the field.
10. Life Stressors:-
This is often the most difficult, and can directly impact all of the previous issues when it comes to coming out when you’re older.
The fact is, that there might simply be too much going on at once.
You might be dealing with a divorce, you might be dealing and trying to do the best for your kids, you might be trying to find a new place to live, and you might also be trying to work out the intricacies of gay life, sex, and relationships.
That can be a lot of pressure and stress all at once. Take a step back, breathe and deal with the things as they come.
You might not have all the experience of a gay male, but you have a variety of different experiences and challenges that you have overcome just to make it to this point in your life and, surely, that’s worth something.
I myself am a late bloomer. I am now happier through coming out. I have written these challenges both as a result of what I myself have experienced, and what others in my support network have experienced.
Coming out is not easy at whatever stage of life that you’re in and I absolutely subscribe to the words of Comedian Todd Glass when he states that “everyone comes out at exactly the same time…when they’re ready.”.
I first had an idea that I was gay in my late teens, and this was during the start of the HIV Epidemic.
I didn’t stay closeted for fear of the HIV scare, I attempted to embark on a lifestyle of heterosexual living because I felt guilty, because of fear, and due to a need to please others, like my family.
I don’t believe or view that decision as a mistake, from that choice I feel I was gifted with a beautiful and wonderful relationship with an amazing and patient woman, who gave me two daughters who I love to the ends of the world and who have certainly made my life worth living.
My family has been able to provide me with the strength that I needed to develop the emotional maturity that would later form the foundations of my confidence and acceptance.
Despite coming out when I was older, I have since found myself, I am now true to myself and I could never ask for anything more.
The first was this one, about the tendency of self-identified submissive women to have a history of abusive relationships.
I’ve touched on that concept in this post about emotional labor (the submissive woman’s desire to give it and the narcissist’s desire to take it), but here are the parts from today that struck me, edited together for brevity:
[Submissive women] are motivated by a deep desire to please.
Every submissive woman I have ever personally known has been through a number of abusive relationships.
She gives and men take and take and it becomes abusive. Weak men with self-esteem issues are often drawn to these women, which compounds the problem.
It takes enormous strength and experience to take from a woman like this (which is what she needs) without abusing her.
Your job is to soak up all her love and affection and attention, help her find ways to please you, while supporting and strengthening her as a person.
In a relationship like this, trust is the one thing that cannot be repaired. If you damage it, you now go into the same pile of “men who hurt her” and you will never truly be trusted again.
At this point in my blog I don’t think I have to repeat the specifics of my past relationship with a Dominant with a mind control fetish (if you’re a newcomer, you can read here and here to bring yourself up to speed), but suffice it to say I have noticed myself feeling more than a little Jessica Jonesy around my kink lately.
I feel like when I get into a submissive headspace it’s possible for me to lose a lot of my good judgment because part of what it means to submit is to suspend judgment, which allows for surrender.
But I’m feeling like oh god if I’m mind controlled again I might do things that are counter to my best interests.
And I worry that if I just choose self-preservation I’ll miss out on my erotic bliss, which is my favorite thing and without which life feels bleak.
But I’ve noticed several instances in the past few months where my surrender seems anchored to an anxiety trigger, and I’m not sure how to fix that.
I understand that there are a lot of self-protective coping mechanisms surrounding me because it’s hard to tell the kind of surrender that is transformative shamanic ordeal from the kind of surrender that is selling your soul to the devil, and once that oxytocin bond kicks in even the devil can look pretty appealing.
Mostly I have to calculate which potential partners have a favorable risk/reward ratio in terms of my experiencing their dominance and then safeguard against anyone else who might be trying to exploit me, and in those defenses I end up looking less than submissive from the outside (at least on my social media anyway), and I start to worry about the way my submissive market value might appear to any potential dominant partners in my future who might google me.
I’m not sure my skill at surrender comes across well when I keep talking about how much I have to protect it.
Suffice it to say, when you have a fetish for granting mindless obedience, you have to really know who you can trust with that shit.
“You’re addicted to surrender,”one of my mentors admonished me recently. When you consider that idea, my kink becomes much more complicated. Back in early fall I was texting to try to meet up with a person with whom I had been in a fairly toxic spiral, and the friend who was with me as I waited on a response turned to me in the midst of my staring compulsively at my phone and said, “Have you ever hung out with an addict?”
To put this in perspective, while I feared Jessica Jones would be a wellspring of PTSD flashbacks for me, it turns out I actually felt a howling nostalgia for the single-minded passion of Kilgrave’s victims.
The simplicity of obedience is such a goddamned relief to this overly analytical mind, even when (especially when?) that obedience requires so much self-sacrifice on my part that it ends up being indistinguishable from self-destruction.
I want to believe that such an alignment of my actions with another person’s best interests is possible to do in a healthy manner with someone ethical, but you’re really tempting Jesus in the desert with that one, aren’t you?
Photo by Steve Prue
Back to Twitter: the second post that came up on my feed was this thread by @borderlinefemme, in which she analyzes the relationship of mental illness in women to both abuse and stigma.
She cites a survey from Psychological Medicine which states that 40% of women with severe mental illnesses had suffered rape or attempted rape, as compared to 7% of the total female population, and then goes on to describe the villainization of women with borderline personality disorder (BPD) as “either femmes fatales, harpies, or unstable emotional bitches” — basically, imperfect victims.
And when you remember that one of the symptoms of BPD is an intense fear of abandonment, that means that many women with BPD will learn to go to extreme efforts to avoid becoming the emotional caricature of their disorder that would cause people to leave them:
borderline women aren’t allowed to be angry. our angry is too scary, it’s too hurtful, it’s too much. bc borderline woman is expected to get angry, we’re now trying to repress it. so I like I assume many others have just shut it down.
if I allow myself to show off my anger, people will leave almost immediately. there’s no chance at redemption. so I get sad instead.
now we’ve replaced anger with sadness. and that sadness may be incredibly annoying and redundant but it’s more acceptable than a mad woman. and who is easy to abuse? the sad girl.
the girl is bottling it all in and submitting to the apathy that is expected. ~try to be chill~ bc again, that sadness may cause friends/lovers to become irritated but not enough to leave & despite the abuse we don’t want to be abandoned.
once you’ve seen a woman with a disorders madness, can you ever perceive her as nice or even stable again?
borderline women are paying the price for this. our relationships, health, the perception of self.
anger is not a privilege we are entitled to.
I don’t know if I ever suffered from BPD. It’s hard to tell personality disorders from trauma reactions, just as it’s hard to tell learning secure attachment patterns from absorbing the culture of chill, just as it’s hard to tell depression from being surrounded by assholes.
When in the midst of a depressive episode in 2011 I went to a clinic to speak to a team of psychological evaluators, I ran through a list of BPD symptoms and explained how it could be an “intense fear of abandonment” that caused me to become a seduction coach and which might also account for my submissive orientation since there is a security that comes in being told exactly what to do in order to be pleasing to one’s partner, and suggested since my book had just come out that perhaps I had managed to build an entire career on the backs of my demons.
The doctors just stared at me like I was from another planet, and eventually, the episode passed and I just got on with my life.
I will, however, say this much: I don’t feel I have ever been allowed to express anger in a relationship. In my aforementioned D/s relationship in my early 20s, my partner shamed me for expressing anger and retreated from any issue I got emotional about. When we got our neuro-linguistic programming certifications, I learned the NLP tenet “The meaning of your communication is the response that you get,” and started taking responsibility for how my words were landing. And since I was dating a selfish Dominant, the best way to get my needs met was to please him and hope for an intermittent reward.
This habit of allowing anger to squeeze out only in the calmest, most rational and even-toned sentences has stayed with me ever since. Even in the wake of my breakup at the beginning of 2015, which was so sudden and without warning that I really should have been given plenty of space to rage and process, I sent my former lover a text message a day later expressing something that was angering me, and he accused me of “haranguing.” So I stopped texting and dropped the subject. Better to swallow my anger in silence than to be branded an overemotional harpy. (Oh silence. I could write an entire post on the nature of silence, and maybe one day I will. In short, to express anger is often to make a request that can be ruthlessly denied, and to make a request so important it comes out as anger only to have it denied by your loved one is a risk too painful to bear.)
So how do these two posts relate, and why did seeing them on Twitter consecutively send me into an emotional tizzy today?
Well, as I wrote about a few months ago, kink often gets conflated (sometimes accurately, sometimes not) with trauma and abuse history, which can also be a cause of mental illness such as PTSD.
In some cases, BDSM relationships can even attract abusers under the guise of dominance as sanctioned abuse and even cause PTSD, Jessica Jones-style.
But to take that a step further, according to the Handbook of Gender Research in Psychology, when presented with identical patient symptoms, doctors will more often diagnose men with PTSD and women with BPD. (Seriously read that link, it’s fucked up.) Translation?
Men experience pain from trauma in their lives, but bitches are crazy.
Synthesizing all the information above draws the conclusion that women who identify as submissive are more likely to attract abusers, more likely to be gaslighted for reacting to abuse, more likely to be stigmatized for talking about abuse, and more likely to be punished and ostracized for being angry about it. Because kinky women are too often assumed to be mentally ill, and a mentally ill woman expressing anger is a short fuse away from boiling your bunny.
Sometimes I feel like fighting for my submission is an uphill battle (seriously how hard should it be to want to please someone?), and slut-shame is only a very small part of my adversary.
Sometimes I feel like I am sacrificing my own emotional life just to be low-maintenance, because being low-maintenance is a desirable quality in a submissive, and I so wish to be a desirable submissive.
I’d like to say that the right partner will honor my emotions when I express them in a clear and rational manner, and in fact will reward my carefully cultivated communication skills by listening to me and taking me seriously.
But the truth is even my fellow relationship coaching colleagues sometimes have trouble believing in the insecurities I talk about because I have spent so much time cultivating ease and attractiveness and because I speak about my issues with such a detached rationality.
Like, isn’t it weird that the more transparent you try to be about your vulnerabilities, the more people think you’re brave?
The other night I was hanging out in a hot tub with my friend Destin, who’s a tantric energy worker, and he did some light energy movement on me.
“Wow,” he said when we were through, “you have a lot more going on in your root chakra than I thought.”
“Oh?” I asked. “Yeah, that’s where issues about self-worth, right to existence, and trust all happen.”
I looked at him and said, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell everyone but nobody believes me!“
I am having some issues with trust because I am a submissive, and because I wish to be a desirable submissive I’m having trouble expressing my issues with trust.
And trusting myself seems to defeat the point of surrender.
The bliss of surrender comes from not having to make my own decisions, and there’s a very fine line between surrendering to the unknown and not taking responsibility for fucking up your life.
Luckily it’s been a long time since my surrender caused me to fuck up my life (and even then at least I’m getting a good memoir out of it?), but I also haven’t found many places where it feels worthwhile to surrender lately either.
I wish that everyone in the world possessed ethics, integrity, and trustworthiness — I would just go around being submissive all the time.
But in the meantime, I’d at least like a little more compassion for the emotions that I put into my service as well as the stuff that’s going to naturally come up in the course of a relationship.
Because even the best of people will hurt you unintentionally, and I need to feel that my pain/trauma will be acknowledged if I bring it up without it meaning that I’m crazy, irrational, or “haranguing” in the way that women, particularly kinky women, are unfairly labeled.
This is all to say that BDSM is a healthy and consensual form of expression—in fact, the current BDSM 4C Consent Model is based around caring, communication, consent, and caution. “Fully engaged kink insists on full presence without pretense and the willingness to connect your raw humanity to another’s raw humanity,” says sex writer Midori.
While not every trauma survivor will find BDSM healing, it has been proven to work for some because of the direct correlation between trauma work and a BDSM “scene” (the scene refers to the act of play people are practicing). “BDSM taught me to use my voice and speak out when lines had been crossed,”
Angie, a trauma survivor, tells GO. This most often works for people who are already kinky and want to use this as a tool to assist their healing.
The goal of trauma work is empowerment for the survivor.
Psychologists use a specific three-step process to work through traumatic events with their clients.
This three-step process closely mimics the three stages of a BDSM scene.
However, it’s important to remember that there’s a difference between trauma reenactment and trauma mastery.
A scene could go wrong and re-traumatize someone if they’re seeking to reenact their trauma with no boundaries or safe words.
That’s basically like allowing the trauma to be in the driver’s seat of a car while barreling 100 miles per hour down the freeway in the opposite direction.
Practicing BDSM as a modality to work through trauma should be about mastering the trauma.
You should be in the driver’s seat the whole time while occasionally looking over at your trauma tucked in its booster seat.
Phase one
of trauma work with a psychologist is all about skills building. You work on creating stable coping mechanisms and boundaries for yourself around triggers. Which ties to the first step of a kink scene—it’s all about negotiation. You figure out with your partner(s) what everyone’s hard no’s are, what kind of play you want to participate in, what your safe words or actions are. All of this is integral for the scene to be safe and consensual.
The second step
for working through trauma is about mindful and controlled exposure. The therapist usually exposes their client to talking about and remembering details of the trauma in a safer space to be able to process through it. This allows the trauma to exist in a container, separate to rest of everyday life.
In a BDSM scene, the second aspect is the play.
BDSM play is a chance to experience pain, fear, excitement, arousal, and adrenalin in a safe and contained way.
You get to decide what type of scene you want to do—whether the suspension, needle play or role play—and if you’re the submissive, you’re allowed to safeword out if you begin to feel triggered.
Which makes it a safer place to explore trauma.
This is very interesting because both these roles are respectful, to each other, they are drawn to the same kinky and must have this in this relationship which is – respect, safety, loyalty, consensual, the communication between these two must at all times be very present it is the highest of the BDSM reals as the most desired roleplay act two people can do and to me that is beautiful!
“Safe, sane and consensual, in this case, also means the Dom isn’t just in control, it means you are responsible for watching your subs every reaction. If the lights go out, assume the worst, not sub space*,”
* An altered state of consciousness that the BDSM community refers to as sub-space is a pleasurable and timeless, almost floating feeling due to the temporary reduction in prefrontal-cortex brain activity.
The final process for trauma work is integration. The therapist works with the client to integrate back into daily life and use the skills from step one in case of triggers. It’s basically like the savasana pose in Yoga.
If you skip that pose after a Yoga practice, you’ll feel all weird and incomplete when you leave the class.
This is all similar to the last aspect of a BDSM scene which is aftercare.
You check in with each other on how the scene was, what worked and what didn’t, and what you want to try at higher intensity next time.
This check-in can continue for a week after the experience since the way you process an experience isn’t always immediate.
After experiencing a traumatic event, where you felt utterly powerless, hopeless, feared death would result or felt invaded—taking back control over your body can be extremely empowering. It’s an act of reclamation in the face of fear.
Your body becomes a medium of healing through these cathartic scenes. Some rape survivors even choose to play out a scene similar to their rape—but with a different end result.
They walk feeling a huge sense of release and healing.
Which makes so much sense, because trauma can play in a loop in your brain until you break that cycle with different or new information.
The power of a visceral experience has been studied in psychology—mainly in a negative sense related to PTSD.
There is actually growing evidence that the reverse is true.
Scientists are now studying psychedelic therapy and how induced mystical states of intense visceral experiences can positively impact (sometimes even cure) conditions like depression, PTSD and anxiety.
This is what Angie says about herself
“When I first started exploring BDSM it definitely had nothing to do with healing.
I just wanted to explore my sexuality and BDSM seemed like a logical road to go down,” Angie tells GO. “I learned that I could establish hard boundaries during play that ended up helping me to learn to fully relax and enjoy being in the moment with my partner. I wasn’t focused on protecting myself or waiting for the other shoe to drop. After play I’ve experienced sub drop that was pretty shame intense. But because we, my partners and I, had established a relationship of trust before hand, it helped to navigate that moment.”
Angie’s experience mirrors many survivors who have felt lost in their attempts to re-navigate their sexuality after trauma. Knowing that it’s okay to experience pleasure again—especially if your trauma has somehow informed your sexual experiences—looks like something different for everyone. But you deserve pleasure.
And if BDSM can help you heal, cum and explore your trauma in a safe environment, why not allow yourself that freedom?
In conclusion of this post I believe there are many good and valuable areas of this lifestyle, however, in selecting this I suggest you really think about it and do your research on this lifestyle before entering it because it isn’t for those that think that 50 shades of bullshit is what that movie represented and not at all this lifestyle.
Me personally, I am only in the last 12 months have started to understand my own reasons to who I am and the why I do what I do… it is very important however, that you do alot of inner soul searching and find a good theraphist to understand or at least help you understand yourself .
That is the tricky part lovely ones it will be difficult to locate those that get it.. so do your research and if you do find anyone let me know because I would love to pick their brain about their thoughts on this possible theraphy that I do believe could help those that have been abused.
Love and best wishes Candii xx
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can seek help by calling the Australian Sexual Hotline is: (08) 9227 6177
Withdrawal is similar to stonewalling, a term coined by veteran marriage researcher John Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute.
This dynamic can become unhealthy cancer in a relationship that only tends to grow and further separate spouses from communicating. Along with criticizing someone, reacting defensively to statements and showing contempt, stonewalling is one of Gottman’s Four Horseman of the Apocalypse that sends couples galloping toward divorce.
But a new study suggests that the avoidance part of the pattern may not be as damaging as counselors once thought — at least not for long-married couples over age 60. The study, led by San Francisco State University psychologist Sarah Holley, followed 127 couples for 13 years, one group ages 40 to 50 and one group of long-married couples, ages 60 to 70. At three points over that time, she videotaped them discussing an area of conflict. Over that period, all of the relationship dynamics between the couples stayed constant, including the amount of blame, pressure, and withdrawal, but there was a dramatic increase among the older couples of how often both the husbands and wives avoided the difficult subject.
In a typical exchange, for example, the wife might say, “You know what, we’ve had this conversation a million times. Let’s agree to disagree. What do you think we should have for dinner?” And the husband might respond, “Do we have any of that lasagna left?”
Holley says that in these older marriages, the avoidance of conflict-laden discussions, especially when mutual, did not seem to lower marital happiness. Invoking the practice, in fact, may be neutral or even positive. And that falls in line with other studies that show that older people tend to see arguments as less important and generally to seek more positive experiences.
That’s part of the natural process of aging, says Stanford University’s Laura Carstensen, a leading researcher on the emotions of the elderly. Their emotions, particularly as expressed in the dynamic of a relationship, are more complex and layered, mixing positive and negative experiences. So when talking about difficult issues, they tend to mix affection with their negative expressions. “From where I sit,” she says, “it looks very enlightened and adaptive.”
In addition, experience may help older couples to be more adept at picking the right fights.
Years of prior conflicts may have taught them to recognize which issues are worth debating and trying to resolve, and which will only devolve into unhealthy bickering.
“I would never advise couples to avoid topics of conflict,” says marital therapist Mark McGonigle, “but I would advise them to avoid certain kinds of arguments.”
They should steer clear, he says, of “discussions” that start with an accusation (You slob!) or a generalized complaint (You never help!).
He suggests that couples with unresolved — or even unresolvable — issues should talk about the topic in a way that helps them understand at a deep level why their partner’s fixed position, their “stake in the ground,” is so important to them.
If they’re at odds over how often to have sex, for example, each should try to find out the other’s “backstory.”
If the wife wants more, McGonigle says, maybe she grew up in a family with little physical contact and if she’s not intimate often, she may start to feel unwanted or unloved.
The husband who wants less sex might have grown up in a pushy, demanding family, and want fewer demands and the ability to say no.
“If they can learn to talk this way without expecting a resolution,” says McGonigle, “but to better understand each other, they get the reward of being known and knowing the other.”
Emotional tone is just as important in avoiding a discussion as in having it, Holley says. Looking at couples in her study, she notes that if they treat each other with affection and understanding, they are much less likely to do harm to their relationship.
Happily married couples say marriage experts, don’t necessarily resolve their conflicts but learn to handle them with warmth and humor.
Does that mean counselors won’t be as militant about pressuring couples to address their conflicts?
Probably not.
Some marriage therapists (who, like Carstensen, have not seen the new study) are not quite ready to accept that avoidance may be associated with positive relationship dynamics.
They remain skeptical of its benefits and wonder if older couples who mutually avoid have, in fact, lost interest.
Any therapist would agree, however, that there are no absolutes when it comes to relationships — and marriages are no exception. So, for younger couples who work at their conflicts with understanding and acceptance, this study shouldn’t discourage them from continuing on that path.
The findings may just give them reassurance that occasionally agreeing to disagree could do more for keeping the marriage alive than attempting to resolve every dispute — and leave more time for enjoying the lasagna — together.
And just like labia, clitoral hoods come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
Many women worry that their hood doesn’t look “normal,” but there really is no normal. Take a look at these pictures of different clitoral hoods to get a sense of how varied they can really be.
The glans gets all the glory when it comes to sexual pleasure, but there’s a lot more to the clitoris than just that little bud!
Read on to learn what the hood is all about, how it affects sexual pleasure, tips for stimulation, and more.
How to find your clitoral hood
The best way to understand what the clitoral hood does begin with knowing exactly where to find it.
The glans clitoris sits inside your labia majora (outer lips) and labia minora (inner lips). You’ll find the clitoral hood at the very top of your inner lips.
Wanna get a closer look? Here’s how to find your clitoral hood:
Get a hand mirror and get naked from the waist down.
Sit on a chair or the end of your bed and open your legs, putting one foot up on the chair or bed.
Hold the mirror between your legs and angle it so you can see your vulva.
Use your free hand to pull your outer and inner lips apart.
Look at the very top of your “slit,” and you’ll see a flap of skin that’s connected to your inner lips.
Voila! Your clitoral hood!
PRO TIPArousal will cause your clitoris to swell, which should make it — and your hood — easier to find.
What does the hood do?
Your clitoris contains over 15,000 nerve endings. Imagine all of those nerve endings constantly rubbing against the fabric of your clothing all day and night — ouch! The clitoral hood exists to protect this sensitive tissue from excessive stimulation and external irritants.
Glands in your clitoral hood also produce a lubricant called sebum. This helps your hood move smoothly over the glans and shaft of your clitoris.
Does the hood retract?
Yes, it does. When you become sexually aroused, your glans clitoris engorges, just like a penis. This swelling is usually enough to move your hood aside, exposing your glans.
If your hood is larger, it may not retract as easily. This is usually a sign of clitoral adhesions. Adhesions form when bacteria, skin cells, and sebum build up under the hood.
According to research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, more than one in five women who visit a sexual medicine practice has clitoral adhesions. If left untreated, adhesions can cause extreme pain and interfere with sexual pleasure and orgasm.
Washing more diligently can resolve or prevent clitoral adhesions. If you’re experiencing discomfort, try soaking in a warm bath and washing the area more frequently.
If that doesn’t work, talk to your doctor. They can take a closer look and remove any adhesions.
Can you pull it back yourself?
Generally, yes!
Your hood is connected to your inner lips.
If you place your fingers at the top of your lips and pull the skin up, you should be able to retract the hood enough to expose the glans clitoris.
You can also place a finger on each inner lip and spread them apart while gently pulling up toward your navel.
Does the size affect your ability to have a clitoral orgasm?
Maybe. Having a hood with more or thicker tissue may affect sensation, but manually retracting your hood or experimenting with different positions can remedy that.
Sometimes applying more pressure when you stimulate your clitoris over your hood may be all you need to up your pleasure.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to what you’re comfortable with. Some women actually prefer stimulation over the hood and find direct clitoral stimulation to be a little too intense.
Can pierce the hood increase sexual pleasure?
According to a 2005 study, vertical clitoral hood piercings don’t have much impact on orgasm and pleasure. But they do seem to increase sexual desire and frequency of arousal.
It isn’t clear whether these findings apply to other clitoral piercings, such as the horizontal clitoral hood and clitoral glans piercings.
If and how a clitoral hood piercing impacts your sex life comes down to you. Personal preference, hood size and shape, and level of sensitivity vary from person to person.
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Tips for clitoral hood stimulation
With the right moves, you can get the pleasure you crave and use your hood — no matter the shape or size — to your advantage.
Here’s how:
Use lube. It doesn’t matter if you’re solo or with a partner — lubricant is always a good idea. Even if you feel like you’re wet enough, adding a little lube can increase your pleasure and stop potential discomfort in its tracks. Shop for lube.
Let your fingers do the walking. Exploring with your fingers is the best way to learn how to get the most pleasure. Try rubbing your clitoris over the hood and then rubbing it directly by using one hand to pull your hood back and expose your glans. Experiment with different amounts of pressure and strokes to see what works for you.
Try the “hand job” technique. Taking your hood between your index and middle finger and sliding it up and down is one way to get some major enjoyment from your hood.
Use a sex toy.Vibrators are a great way to stimulate your clitoris and can be especially helpful if you have a thicker hood that interferes with sensation. Shop for vibrators.
Find the right position. Though intercourse on its own isn’t as likely to get you to orgasm as clitoral stimulation, certain positions may give you the best of both worlds.
Consider the “riding high” position. To try this, lie on your back. Your partner should angle their penis or dildo so that the upper shaft rubs against your clitoris as they thrust. When done properly, each thrust will slide your hood up and down or provide enough pressure over the hood to stimulate your clitoris.
Apparently, I can’t do anything accordingly to the blood Universe that likes to constantly make me feel i am unworthy!!!!!
So, what am I then?
Sorry, to tell you but, my choices are mine NOT yours!!!!
This is the boat that I would take my dad in and live his life out happy for fuck sakes, happy and never forever, unhappy fuck this life instead we both listen to people that like to abuse and hinder us…
All I want is to take my Dad before he dies on a boat to live his life out… and be bloody happy for a damn change
The above boat would be nice but, here is something I am looking for
I really don’t understand them at all or want too… sorry boys but your thoughts and theories are shit… They want it … they hate it.. they ignore it they are fucken shit heads… I am over it…I would rather buy a boat and float my way around Australia and be happy with ME…
A recent study found that 60 percent of college students have been in a “friends with benefits” relationship, but that the possibility for romantic feelings — and a lack of communication — can complicate such an arrangement.
That may seem fairly obvious. But the study, published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, focused on why college students have these relationships at all. Researchers from Wayne State University and Michigan State University asked 125 undergraduates why they would or wouldn’t have sex with a friend, and what the advantages or disadvantages would be.
Two-thirds of participants said they had been in a “friends with benefits” relationship, and 36 percent said they currently were in one. The main advantage of such a relationship was “no commitment” (reported by 59.7 percent of participants), which was followed closely by “have sex” (55.6 percent).
More than half of those who had sex with a friend said they had engaged in all forms of sex; 22.7 percent said they had intercourse only, while 8 percent said they did everything but have intercourse.
“[The relationships] were perceived as providing a relatively safe and convenient environment for recreational sex,” write Melissa A. Bisson and Timothy R. Levine, the study’s lead researchers.
The biggest reported disadvantage of this recreational sex was the possibility that feelings would develop (65.3 percent). Other worries included “harm friendship” (28.2 percent) and “cause negative emotions” (27.4 percent). Concern over pregnancy and STDs, listed as “negative consequences of sex,” came in at only 9.7 percent.
The second part of the study asked 90 college students — all of whom had been in at least one “friends with benefits” relationship — what sorts of questions came up once they began sleeping with their friend, and how they went about answering those questions.
While approximately half admitted to having questions of uncertainty in the relationship, 84.4 percent said they never initiated any discussion; furthermore, 73.3 percent said there was no ground-rules negotiation involved.
The findings hardly indicate that people have evolved to the point where “friends with benefits” relationships will replace traditional romantic couplings, Levine tells LiveScience.
“Romantic relationships have always been around,” he said. Recreational sex “really requires either effective birth control or women to be economically independent or both to be viable, and both are relatively recent in human evolution.”
Sally Law has written about health and sexuality for the Cleveland Clinic and has appeared regularly as a guest host on Sirius Radio. Her column, The Science of Sex, appears weekly on LiveScience.
