Coping with Release of a Sub or Dom…

Remember, both these roles are not without the other each role each other plays in this lifestyle, kink, roleplay whichever, you both cannot exist without each other.

So, be respectful, understand both of you are in this together, understand what your likes are and what they are not talking to each other, this is the serious part of this you both must talk.

It is an investment in time, energy, emotion is at least equal to one another a Dom is not different, he feels the same space he only sees what you tell him if you do not tell him how do you expect him to understand what you like.

The same is for the Sub if she is not going to vocally use her voice right, wrong, whatever use your voice tell me what you desire, likes, dislikes, if he loves you respects you and wants this then he will listen to you.

Both of you are responsible for your own parts when playing in this lifestyle, you cannot expect them to know if you don’t talk to them, explain to them in a respectful manner do not blame each other.. that is not going to end well.

Time, patience, understanding, and most of all you cannot fake in this lifestyle if your mind, the body is turned on then show it, release yourself to it and give each other yourselves and let me say this.. if it’s for you … you will both know.

The mind and body are uniquely created for you both if it doesn’t do it.. then find something else that will.. if it does.. then there is no faking it..

You cannot fake this lifestyle at all… it is what you are and he is together so trust yourself.

I am bringing this up as I have read a few ladies that have come across this before or even recently in their current or semi-current relationships.  Remember, when you dabble in this lifestyle at the beginning of any new kinky roleplay of being a Submissive you will come up against those that really don’t get it, or perhaps yeah, sure it is about whips right?

No, this is to some of us more than just stupid whips, however, do not allow those that use that kind of talk towards you as a deferent to put you off… Learn from this experience and understand more about why you like this in your life..

My Story

Let me explain my own experience a very long time ago…

I was a young 28-year-old young woman single mother and recently divorced from a man that was pure vanilla.  Internet was new and I was introduced to a system called MIRC, which was a place that did not share pictures it was purely words on a screen.

I came across a channel it was called BDSM, had no idea what it meant to me it was a few angry aggressive men and a few weak minded women with no opinion except yes, no, and I will do as you say, for me it was stupid and ridiculous speaking.

Of course, I was a menis and a pain in the ass on that channel but, to be honest, I would get on it and make trouble, it made me laugh, however, those that ran this channel took it seriously and to me that was interesting.

I was kicked off, told to go away, I have no manners, I need to learn before I should enter such a room.

Me: Get stuffed, how dare you, who do you think you are, I have rights, I am allowed to say what I want, what kind of male are you, of course I got wild, angry, and pissed off.

Him: He was stern, agressive, called me a child, go back to mother, blah, blah, blah, however, he found me pleasing because god, knows why to be perfectly honest.

Me: I found it intoxicating and very adictive and it made me feel something for the first time in my life.. and I liked it and wanted to understand why, so I started asking him questions and that is where my whole life changed..

The meeting was not a success he wasnt the person I should have met however, nothing this fake Dominant did to me and he did some nasty things dont you think for one moment he didnt… He was very violent and extremely abusive, he got off on humillation and much worse…

It did take me time to even think about doing it again with anyone … in fact it took me 4 years until I met my husband..

Firstly, I must admit it would be difficult for anyone mainly because of what you surrender too and how you do it… However, I firmly believe that if your an Empowered, Powerful, strong, female or male if you’re the submissive.

So, remember, if this person didn’t treat you right, then learn from how you met them, what was it that they lacked and learn from it.. do not wallow about him or why he was a smuck, he was a learning for you… if you are drawn back into this lifestyle then understand what you lacked and pick better..

Communication is the key, Chemistry is a must, Kink is a duo of two people connecting him being what he likes and you loving what you like…

Remember, we are what we do… we also only know what we know.. so use your brain and research, be more careful and grow up and smell your roses ladies, men, we and they are a union of two people you cannot make someone do something they do not like it won’t work..

So, meet those who get you, understand you and most of all are turned on by the same like… Communicate your likes, understand your threshold, discover by learning and being respectful towards each other before you allow someone to beat your ass..

Once you have understood each other like each other and most of all get each other than learn more, grow together, he or she isn’t there for one person it is a two-way street.

Or Three eventually if you wish or four, you get my thoughts right!

And most of all enjoy it… if you don’t like it say it…. use your voice… that is what we are here for…

If you don’t you won’t grow, understand, or love what you desire and it is okay to feel whatever you both feel.. and never give up on each other…

Make sure they are with you.. not against you.. and Enjoy it, talk about it, and most of all do it…

Candii xxx

So, what does that title mean, or I should say what is your idea of being kinky mean to you?

But, what about the person your dating, married too, in a relationship with are they kinky? The only way you will find out is to communicate with them and ask them don’t be shy about this subject let’s face “it if your kinky and you know it claps your hands.”

There is no area in saying I am Kinky without feeling it or at least thinking it, right?

So, firstly let’s do a list that you yourself have covered before you bring up a subject about something that you may not understand.

1. Do your own research before you bring up the subject.

2. Use subtle cues to try to engage in a short discussion.

Don’t forget to Challenge your ownself.. it is a turn on…

Talk About It with each other

Plan a moment where there won’t be any distraction and talk about your new feelings and desires.

Be honest about it and open for positive and negative responses.

If you need help, get a book or find a few websites online to help you with your discussion.

Don’t give your partner ultimatums, they will need time to understand what you are asking from them and to find out themselves if they are interested.

It’s a change in the relationship they may not have expected, but then it could also be very exciting for them.

Leave Subtle Clues if you’re finding it difficult to bring the subject up with him or her…

Like I mentioned above you can leave a book out for your partner to see, but other things work too.

Now let’s talk about mine and then let’s talk about what is real within a normal personal life.

Me, well, I must admit apart from being a kid and having huge expectations of Birthdays, Easters, Christmas’s those are normal all kids go through it they want, they get disappointed they cry they winge they moan… Expectations of a child are massive and then after time passes it does tend to lack a bit…

My Perfect Expectation EVER

Now if I was to be honest if I had expectations in life – my dream is like this – if I was to have the perfect threesome it would be Brad Pitt and George Clooney, right!!

Come on ladies, let’s admit that would be the best expectations ever, right?

Now as you know if that didn’t occur and I got let’s say my husband and one of his old moulds… well, don’t think I will winge…. that was a joke… you get my picture…

wink, wink, say no more… hence why I don’t have them ha, ha, so anything above having none means I win either way and of course this is a joke…  so husband does not get any ideas… yeah, right!

Living without expectations

When you have no expectations, you have no disappointments and you open yourself to the realm of infinite possibility, where happiness and abundance simply fall into your lap

The list is endless, especially in today’s society, where there are constant opportunities to compare ourselves to others and look for ways to be more, better, or different.

Never before have expectations been so high in terms of what humans are capable of, and this creates a paradox of opportunity and pressure when we begin to realize that expectations lead to disappointments.

Expectations are pervasive in our lives, and most of us are conditioned to be driven by them and to attempt to realize them.

But we didn’t start out that way.

We are all born in a state of pure Love where there are absolutely no expectations and no disappointments.

Think of it as our “original innocence.”

When you were born, you knew these Truths:

• You are whole and complete.
• There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
• You are worthy and deserving.
• You can trust the Universe.
• You have a deep inner knowing.
• You are connected.
• All there is and all that matters is Love.
• You are Love.

“Expectation Hangover” Defined

You probably have a good sense of what an Expectation Hangover is by now, but here is my official definition:

• the myriad undesirable feelings, thoughts, and responses present when one or a combination of the following things occur
•  Things don’t turn out the way you thought, planned, or wanted them to.
• Things do turn out according to your plans and desires, but you don’t feel the fulfilment you expected.
• You are unable to meet your personal and/or professional expectations.
• An undesired, unexpected event occurs that is in conflict with what you wanted or planned.

So, the motto of this short and funny story is trying having none and anything is a happy ending…. go figure…

Dear god, please be Brad Pitt and George Clooney…hehehe

21 SIZZLING AND KINKY ROLE PLAY IDEAS TO SET YOUR BEDROOM ON FIRE

It’s not just for couples wanting to spice up their sex lives – anyone with a heartbeat and sex drive has some kind of fantasy they wish they could act out but are too nervous to even ask.

The great news?

Many fantasies are perfectly normal and are shared by millions of people.

Here is a sample of what’s out there…

COMMON ROLE PLAY FANTASIES

BOSS AND EMPLOYEE – How bad do you want that promotion? Everyone has some sort of suit or business attire in their closet, so it’s a great one for beginners.

DOCTOR AND NURSE – A thorough physical is in order. We want you to be healthy, after all. Toss on a sexy uniform, add a pair of gloves and tell them to bend over.

DOM, SUB, SWITCH – It’s all about the thrill and/or release of power exchange and the respect and trust that are the cornerstones of BDSM. If you’re new to the game, all you need is something to tie your partner up with. Don’t forget your safety word.

If you need help or ideas about BDSM, these articles are a must:

Simply Beautiful Music to fuck too

Happy Friday Peeps

I put these gorgeous tunes on because of many reasons they truly are exotic, erotic, beautifully sexual and all those many tones that make such passionate and intoxicating Journey of truly adoring moments made up in music that soothes the soul…

What a journey indeed found out a few things about myself and I am sure I will find many more levels of myself and those who I enjoy my life with.

Life isn’t as simple as you would think but, that is what is amazingly lovely thing about it.. it never ever seems to shock me or does it?… not like you all think..  more the fact it amazes me and I find myself pinching myself often these days…

What it does do it makes me go… wow, are you serious, I knew something was different about us or me perhaps… I do love and enjoy experiencing things that are a little out of the box it makes life so much more interesting, erotically beautiful and simply this …

We tend to think too hard in our lives how we live, what we want, when are we going to get married, have children, what are the names going to be.. get my drift…

What if we changed a few areas of our lives… become a little happier, remove the labels that sinker our souls, what if we lowered our Ego’s, what if we just loved our lives and those who want to be part of our lives?

Is that so bad?

What if we discover a journey of being free … feeling no pressure, loving people for who they are inside themselves and accepted each other with love and honesty?

What if we did all that and more?

So, I ask you, my lovely followers …. this… what if we let go of all our chains and embraced each other with pure love, honesty, and just accept each other with no blame, shame, jealousy, removed the hatred, anger, those many levels that lower our souls ..

What if we just let go.. and live a beautiful life and accept one another for their souls rather than their wallets, what they can give us.. rather what they can teach us…

Well, for me I embrace myself firstly and I will say this my journey was made from a strong female that allowed herself to let go of what was… and is looking forward to what will be.. without expectation, without judgement, with only what i can give and for that I am fortunate for my partners patience, and openness to see that I am not here to hurt him or anyone that wishes to be part of our lives.. going forward.

So, looking forward to 2019 may it be a beautiful experience for all, love Franny xxx

Oh yes enjoy my tunes…. and have a happy Friday x

If my life ends then I have lived more than I have ever lived and that I thank the Universe for allowing me this treasure and those that I have shared it with.

May each of our days be as honest and pure as it has been for these beautiful moments we share together that to me is worth more than anything else life can give.

Oh my, this song has Courtney written all over it… very similar to the same comment I put onto Jack Collins post about Angels.

Such a great song, this song and its words is exactly how I see most things these days I said a few weeks ago about similar like-minded people who are drawn to each other without their knowledge especially after they are wounded by negative surroundings that they are witness too.

These Angels then gravitate towards the same other Angels when their spirit cannot endure more so they are drawn together for reasons they are not aware of these other Angels are the cure of the hurt they endured by people who would rather turn a blind eye than challenge each other in a positive way.

After years of peoples negative behaviour the Angels then float without energy towards other Angels of the same mindset and once they meet the energy and the acceptance of their own will begin a natural accordance that starts to change within themselves they cannot help but, listen, they find it interesting, assuring and most of all their energy levels start to slowly rise in a more positive form.. then once their eyes are wide and their souls are open they begin something they cannot stop or want too.

A positive environment is alluring and desired by them … why do you think that is?

Well, simply they never expected more from one another without patience, love, and without them even seeing it – something happened.. something beautiful… something that even they didn’t expect… what do you think that was?

I believe it’s unique to those that want to here, want to believe because those chosen few and I do believe there are many out there like us… that know one day someone will find us and believe in something that we all believe in..

A beautiful beginning of endless openness without anyone expecting anything but, honesty, and pure love.

Love is many forms of many levels… the purest love is being open to believing that one day after many who have fallen will someday open up a hidden beauty about one another by just being present.

Nothing more than just being present within yourselves and with the ones that made an effort in being the best a person can be.. imperfect … just the way you are..

For those of you who were brought up in a time or household where switches, belts, and wooden spoons were a common form of punishment, it’s understandable why the idea of spanking would be a total turn off.

But let’s make a very important distinction:

• There is an ENORMOUS difference between spanking, erotic spanking.

One makes you want to sprint away like an Olympic contender and call social services. The other makes you want to run towards the bedroom and scream that you’ve been a bad little boy/girl.

So, while you’re sitting there, backside tingling with anticipation or curiosity, let’s peel back the panties of this situation and have a peek…

THE CHEMISTRY AND PSYCHOLOGY OF SPANKING

Think of some other bedroom antics that create pain: pulling hair, running nails down the back, biting, etc.

They can hurt like hell (and often leave marks behind), so why do we savour the sensation?

The answer is simple.

When we’re stressed or in pain, our brains release A LOT of chemicals: endorphin, serotonin, melatonin, epinephrine, norepinephrine, and dopamine. And not just physical pain but emotional and social discomfort as well – all for the purpose of re-balancing our bodies and trying to make us feel good again.

One of the key players is dopamine, which is present in the body during pain AND pleasure.

Many agree this might be one of the reasons we can combine pain and pleasure in a single situation.

It’s like running until your muscles flip you the middle finger but revelling in the exercise “high”. It hurts like hell, but, goddamn it, it feels good too!

Sexual peaks are (in part) achieved when blood flow increases and collects in key hot spots or erogenous zones.

The act of spanking can add another element of pleasure because the posterior is plentiful with nerves and right next door to the genitals. Strikes and slaps send waves and ripples through the skin and stimulate this fun area.

There are also emotional and psychological aspects of pain and pleasure.

• Submission – giving up control to another person
• Humiliation – a form of psychological pain
• Sexual objectification – the sexual value of the body as an object
• Role-playing – participating in sexual fantasies

Now that we understand why let’s look at HOW.

PREPARING THE PADDLE

There is much to do before someone should even tug on panties or boxers.

1. Bring up the subject

With all healthy BDSM practices, communication is key.

Unless you’ve established ground rules beforehand, diving into Happy Slap Land is not an option.

If your partner is more to the vanilla side or spanking hasn’t been integrated into your sex arsenal, there’s doubly more preparation involved.

Whether you do this carefully or bluntly depends entirely on you and your significant other. Hopefully, your relationship already includes talks about sexual preferences or desires. If so, you can try something like, “I hear a lot about spanking. I wonder what it would be like?” or “I’ve always wondered about (insert erotic fantasy here)”

If your partner is already experienced in the world of kink, it might be as simple as, “God, I would love if you spanked me.”

Next, comes the ground rules. After all, this kind of antics land well past “light play”

2. Safe Words

No matter what kind of kink you are into, you should have a safe word.

Why? When we are role-playing, sometimes “No”, “Don’t”, or “Stop” are part of the fantasy. However, if someone yells “PINEAPPLE!” it’s a very clear signal that play needs to stop.

If you’re not sure what word to choose, it can be anything that you normally wouldn’t say, something easy to remember that pulls people out of the elation and makes them re-focus.

Many couples opt for the “traffic light” system:

• Green = Give me more! I love it!
• Yellow = I’m nearing my limit. Something needs to be adjusted
• Red = STOP ALL PLAY!

In which case, the dominant should obey, immediately see to any emotional/physical needs or problems, and communicate with their partner.

WARNING: someone who does not respect a safety word, is NOT someone you should play with. Healthy BDSM play should always involve respect from both sides

3. With great spanking comes great responsibility

If you are the Top in this delightful situation, you shouldn’t only focus on that delicious bum. You need to pay attention to their whole body.

Are they squirming like a happy worm or squirming like a worm who isn’t enjoying the experience?

It can take time to learn your partner’s pain thresholds and familiarize yourself with their reactions. If you’re not sure, it’s OKAY to ask things like:

• “Are you alright?”
• “Do you like it?”
• “Do you want it harder or softer?”

Communication is key, and it’s perfectly acceptable to tell each other what you like or don’t like.

GETTING THE SCENE READY

This includes anything that makes the environment and experience as pleasant as possible for both parties (including your frame of mind).

Turn off the phone

Nothing pulls someone out of the mood more than Mexican Hat Dance blasting through the room while you’re propped against the table with your underwear around your ankles.

Take it off

This means all rings, watches, bracelets, etc. Hitting with those is NOT fun, and nobody wants an imprint of your college football ring on their ass.

Prepare any tools

You might need. If you haven’t filled your toy chest yet, there are lots of things around the house that work just fine (spatulas, rulers, paint sticks, elastic bands, hair brushes etc).

Of course, you will use your hands, but different tools give different sensations and there might be a couple in there that drives him/her wild. Try paddles, floggers, whips, or canes.

NOTE: make sure you practice with them ahead of time – on a pillow is best.

Why?

Because you are creating a new thought a new way of thinking it is hard to hold onto something that is NEW or something that may not quite make sense…

The best solution for me was to write it down in detail I had butcher paper everywhere just to hold my thought I would have this realisation suddenly but, then forget it and go what?

So, I then decided to either write about it or then put it down… most of the time I was on my own so I had no one to talk to nut it out… writing it down was the only way I could retain my thoughts, feelings, realisations of new memory and it did work…

I had no idea I had to repeat these new thoughts, feelings, ideas of how I saw things and why I saw them.

So my suggestion is to write your thoughts down… it doesn’t matter what you think is silly or not it all will make sense later when you put them together…

Many times I thought how stupid, so I would remove my Blog post because I felt embarrassed, stupid, a bit out there.. then a few weeks would pass and I felt better about my blog and how I felt so I would put it back on my blog and perhaps say something a little more clearer…  So, try doing that.. put it down.. or write it in a journal and then you will understand.. never give up and always try … you will have good days, bad days, shitty days and extremely happy days.. but, keep doing it…

Let’s discuss people and their persistence in what they do…

I personally find it interesting, to say the least, would I call it flattering, intriguing, annoying, what is it that people are really after?

So, what pretzel is the end game… could it:

• be an entry into clubs?
• A connection of type casts that seem to sexually connect so well?
• Is it that they require a female participant?
• It could be the channels of variety is narrow? Nahhh
• Is it better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know?
• Safer? (god NO!)
• Is it habitat?
• Is it all about experimenting with someone that they know rather than what they don’t?
• Or is it just common sense because obviously I am me and who else would you do it with?? (that was a joke)

So, what could it be that interests the opposite sex so much… it couldn’t be just sex? or could it be?

So, what does persistence mean…. see below

In a complex dynamic world, an artificial fish should have some persistence in its behaviour, especially in its intentions, otherwise, it will tend to dither, perpetually changing its mind.

Basic persistence in the behaviours is modelled implicitly by the intrinsic ranking (prioritization) between them, the continuity in the mental state variables, and the constancy of the habits.

For instance, the collision avoidance behaviour precedes all other behaviours and once invoked, will only terminate when the collision is cleared. Once the mental state of hunger is high enough to activate the feeding behaviour, the continuity in H (in particular the internal urge component) ensures that the activation level will not drop abruptly until the fish succeeds in taking more food.

However, special attention needs to be paid to the maintenance of persistence in the case when an ongoing behaviour is interrupted temporarily. In our case, there are two possible situations where an ongoing behaviour may be interrupted:

• it may be interrupted by a behaviour higher in the priority hierarchy triggered by some event or by an opportunity-triggered behaviour.

How can sex benefit your mental health?

Sexual activity, with a partner or through masturbation, and even playmates can provide important psychological and emotional benefits. Like exercise, sex can help reduce stress and anxiety and increase happiness.

Bucket lists are the in-thing these days as people try to make the best of their lives before they die.

For many people, the childhood dreams which growing up has shelved are the most important items on their bucket list.

Many go for adventures, do daring things, travel, misbehave and a whole of other things – including sex.

Now, talking of sex, what would a typical SEX bucket list look like?

If a billionaire were to give you a sheet of paper and a pen and asks you to write the 3 most important sexual experiences you want to have before you die, telling you that you can have them at no cost to you, what would those things be?

People who have been prudes will have a long list of mundane things like oral sex, bondage sex or sex at a public space while the ‘bad boys’ and girls’ may go overboard for sex with animals, same-sex sex and extreme bondage sex.

For Wanda, the list is quite a simple affair:

1. A threesome involving two girls of different races (only one penis needed to captain the ship).

2. Sex with a total stranger (female!), with both of us blindfolded, never to meet again

3. Sex with an Arabian diva on one of the Egyptian Pyramids with the sun blazing and tourists passing nearby

Now, that would be some awesome list to cross out in a single week – go to Brazil for number one, move to Germany for number two and do number three in Egypt.

So what is your list like?

Not all vaginas are the same.

Even though some of you have had a lot of sexual partners, you might not have had a taste of all the delicacies out there.

Each vagina type has its benefits, so read on to know how to have a good time when you encounter them.

1. The tight vagina:

• Some women are naturally tight, no matter how many sex partners they have had. Men that find it difficult to last long in bed will need to be extra careful here, as this vagina is capable of massaging every inch of your dick and literally squeeze the man juice out of you within seconds.

2. The Loose vagina:

• If you are very well endowed and women are uncomfortable having sex with you, perhaps you need a woman with a loose vagina. This does not automatically mean she is a slut, by the way, as once again, some things just happen naturally. Big-dicked men will finally feel at home with this woman.

3. The fat-lipped vagina:

•  This is capable of providing an extra cushion for your junk. Although, most men find it visually appealing but encounter not much difference during penetration itself. But if you are into giving oral sex, then this might be the best kind for you.

4. The bony vagina:

• Skinny or petite women are usually this way. It can feel really snug around your dick, but some men report that having their sensitive part come in contact with hardness can be offputting.

5. The shaved vagina:

• This is the favourite of most porn lovers. It can be pretty hot to see all of it, and it is easier to make your way around. Perfect for men who love kinky sex and would rather not spend time guessing.

6. The unshaved vagina:

• This vagina belongs to a woman who is proud of her body and has no desire to groom just for sex. Guys do not really have a problem with it, as it is just one more hurdle towards the promise land. But keep in mind that it could be harder to reach her sensitive areas if it is all covered in hair.

7. The perky-clit vagina:

• There is no guessing game when it comes to finding her clitoris as it is always erect and protruding. If you are obsessed with getting your woman to cum, go for this kind.
• Their orgasms are usually easier to achieve an extremely intense.

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Sex therapy is a type of talk therapy that’s designed to help individuals and couples address medical, psychological, personal, or interpersonal factors impacting sexual satisfaction.

The goal of sex therapy is to help people move past physical and emotional challenges to have a satisfying relationship and pleasurable sex life.

For a sexual person it’s a belief of understanding yourself first and being true to your feelings this isn’t about staying inside the box of life it is about doing the opposite of it.. Franny x

How does sex therapy work?

Sex therapy is like any type of psychotherapy!

You treat the condition by talking through your experiences, worries, and feelings.

Together with your therapist, you then work out coping mechanisms to help improve your responses in the future so that you can have a healthier sex life.

During your initial appointments, your therapist will either talk with just you or with you and your partner together. The therapist is there to guide and help you process your current challenge:

• They are not there to take one person’s side or to help persuade anyone.
• Also, everyone will keep their clothes on. The sex therapist will not be having sexual relations with anyone or showing anyone how to have sex.

With each session, your therapist will continue to push you toward better management and acceptance of your concerns that may be leading to sexual dysfunction. All talk therapy, including sex therapy, is both a supportive and educational environment.

It’s meant to provide comfort and encouragement for change.

If your therapist suspects the dysfunction you’re experiencing is the result of a physical sexual concern, they may refer you to a medical doctor.

Your therapist and the doctor can consult about your signs and symptoms and work to help find any physical concerns that may be contributing to greater sexual problems.

Many people want to know what sex therapy is, and how it differs from general therapy.

They should specialize to treat specific sexual disorders, situations and problems in an integrated manner with other therapeutic techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, psychodynamic therapy, mindfulness meditation and systems therapy.

Seek your doctor as your therapist should only be able to discuss your personal, sexual problems between both of you or if you prefer one on one counselling.

Anything that has to do with perscription help or personal health with your sexual organs I would suggest you seek help from your doctor.

 

The below has a link that discusses the rest below – not written by me

Performance Anxiety while Dating and/or in Relationships

For single and newly single men the dating world poses challenges in what men feel is expected of them. The culture pressures them to be ready willing and able to have sex whenever a partner expresses the interest and consent. For men in committed relationships, the anxiety to fulfil what a partner is desiring can have a domino effect over time and lead to sexual avoidance. Learning how to express one’s needs, fantasies and desires can be challenging in these situations. Sex Therapy can address these and help people overcome these concerns.

Erectile Dysfunction

There are several causes to ED including medical, pharmacological, intrapersonal (issues relating to your own psyche) and interpersonal (patterns between partners). Many times the domino effect of ED is sexual avoidance with his partner. This then has the next domino effect of the partner experiencing a wide array of reactions including concerned, rejected, lonely, sexually frustrated, angry and avoidant themselves. The impact on your relationships(s) can cause tremendous anxiety and strife.

Uncontrolled (Premature) Ejaculation

For some men, the ability to control when they want to climax can cause dissatisfaction and disappointment for themselves and their partners.

Inhibited (Delayed) Ejaculation

The difficulty to climax with a partner can cause rifts with partners and most men don’t feel it’s an issue until they’re in a long-term committed relationship and their partners are feeling anxious, rejected, frustrated, and/or worried about becoming pregnant if that is one of their long-term goals.

Past Childhood Abuse or Trauma

One’s sexual history involving abuse, rape or boundary crossings can have a profound effect on one’s current and future relationships. Sex Therapy is an integral part of a person’s and/or couple’s recovery.

Out of Control Sexual Behavior

One can feel the compulsion to watch porn for so many hours that it interferes with their professional or personal functioning or can’t stop pursuing hookups for the sake of the thrill or high. Sex Therapy takes into account the behaviour and the underlying reasons into the multi-axial assessment and treatment.

Sex Therapy Issues With Which Women Seek Treatment with Sari Cooper & CLS Therapists:

Low Libido

One of the most common problems women bring into sex therapy is lack of desire. This may be due to medical issues, side effects from medication, hormonal changes and/or complex issues in one’s relationship. Sex therapy looks at all the layers that affect this presenting issue.

Pain During Intercourse

At CLS we do a thorough biopsychosocial assessment and work with other healthcare providers to help women get a proper diagnosis and treatment for their Genito Pelvic Pain/Penetration Disorder including Vulvodynia, Vaginismus, and /or Sexual Aversion.

Past Childhood Abuse or Trauma

One’s sexual history involving abuse, rape or boundary crossings can have a profound effect on one’s current and future relationships. Sex Therapy is an integral part of a person’s and/or couple’s recovery.

Inability to Orgasm

The inability to reach orgasm (Inorgasmia) can be a frustrating experience for a woman and her partner (if she’s in a relationship). We work on this issue with both the woman and her partner so that both are educated and supported during the treatment.

Sex Therapy Issues With Which Adults Seek Treatment with Sari Cooper & CLS Therapists:

Sexual Avoidance

Although some couples have a terrific bond and relationship outside the bedroom, many times they come to feel like platonic roommates. The thrill of seductions, the excitement of passionate play has been stripped of the relationship. We work with couples to explore the timeline of the changes or the milestones that may have contributed to the shift. At times the avoidance is due to deeper issues in a partner’s history or a couple’s initial non-verbal contract.

Discrepant Desire

A common difficulty occurs when partners have different needs or desires in the frequency of sexual connections.

Infidelity/Affair Recovery

The discovery of an affair or cheating incident wreaks havoc on a couple and is experienced as a crisis in their relationship and family. We at CLS are trained to help a couple works on the recovery of trust but also address the challenges to their intimate life.

Lack of Technique as a Lover

Due to one’s cultural, religious or at times psychological reasons, a person may not have a lot of experience with a partner and this make affect their confidence in dating or at the beginning of a relationship. Therapists teach clients through resources and home play assignments to be watched, read and/or practised between therapy appointments. We also focus on the cultural myths that may be impeding one’s exploration of one’s sexuality.

Kink related Issues

Whether one is interested in lighter power exchange or more intense BDSM type play in your sexual relationship, a person often has difficulty discussing these types of desires and or fantasies with their partner/spouse. Sex therapy sessions allow for a neutral well-trained therapist to lead the discussion and offer education and resources to a couple or individual.

Non-Monogamous Relationships

Sometimes a couple would like to negotiate or re-negotiate their monogamy contract to include other partners. These conversations can be challenging given the fears and jealousy partners may experience in branching into a new type of relationship openness. CLS therapists are trained to offer guidance and perspective on the non-monogamy issues and boundaries that need to be discussed, possible challenges and how this fits into their developmental stage as a couple.

Treatment

CLS are experienced therapists and are sensitive to the needs of LGBTQ clients and their partners. Sari and her team use a variety of approaches with their clients in therapy depending on the issue they are looking to address. Some of these theoretical techniques include:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
• Psychodynamic Psychotherapy
• Family Systems Therapy
• Mindfulness
• Sensate Focus
• Body-Focused Play

Hey, Candii here,

Here are a few truths about crossdressers, my first callers in selling lingerie especially bodystockings, many heterosexual men seem to adore it the problem that I see is that many wives are not aware of this which brings me to asking why?

Is it because the man is scared of his wife finding out about his kink in case she accuses him of being gay, bisexual, weird, freak?

What do you think it is?

I think we all are in a bubble at times and we are so damn hard wired to thinking in such an old traditional and unconventional manner as being stuck in a bubble and our society seems stale, inadequate, homophobic, and simply simple-minded.

Wake up Society we seem to overlook Religious Catholic priest who get away with molesting children, however, we still go to church?

Go figure..!! 

Our wiring is so disabled and so old fashioned and so closed minded even us as partners are unaware of each others needs…

we really need to open our minds and be alot more nicer and modern with the times we are creating robots female to have sex with humans.. and that seems normal to you?

Seriously, dont you think our behaviours for 2018, seems closed up to moving forward but, still we move forward but, we seem to side step the real issues…

How about our homeless?

How about our ages care?

How about our kids whose both parents are working and we still ask ourselves why our kids have mental health issues?

People who hide habits or parts of their personality from their partner often do so out of fear of being judged or losing love or respect. Sometimes, if they own up, they do risk ruining their relationships, however being real about who we are can also force us to face the fallacies of our own assumptions.

Take, for instance, the call I received some months ago from a woman who arrived home unexpectedly one afternoon to discover her husband dressed in women’s clothes, wearing a wig and make-up. She was devastated because they have been married for several years and she was totally unaware of his habit.

When she confronted him he told her that he was too scared to tell her for fear of rejection and he thought he might just hide it from her. She could not cope and called me in total despair. Cross-dressers are usually heterosexual men who like to dress up in women’s clothes. They discover their need to cross-dress during childhood starting out by dressing up in their sister’s or mother’s clothes. They soon find out that it is not accepted and are told to stop it. They feel ashamed, become secretive and try to suppress their feelings and their desire to cross-dress.

Later in life the issue can cause a lot of distress because often they are not sure how to cope. A lot of questions and worries persist and for each person it is a different story.

There are also many misconceptions about men who cross-dress, such as:

1. They are gay.

Cross-dressers are not necessarily gay. The incidence of homosexuality or bisexuality among cross-dressers is same as in the population in general.

1. They don’t like women.

They do. Most men who cross-dress are married.

1. They do it for sexual gratification.

Although cross-dressing is a sexual fetish for some, the vast majority of men do not experience any arousal as a result of cross-dressing. It is simply the exploration of feminine self-expression. Some men find that cross-dressing makes them feel relaxed and helps them with stress.

4. They always wear women’s clothes.

Not true. Most may only dress up occasionally — some men often wear women’s underwear under their clothes.

5. They can be “cured”.

There is no cure as it is not an illness but a “state of being”.

For both the cross-dresser and his family, it is not an easy thing to deal with and it is very common to experience a sense of despair.

My client loves her husband and does not want to leave him. After some counselling sessions with both of them they have reached a level of compromise. For now, he will only cross-dress occasionally when she is not home and she needs some time to adjust to this newfound knowledge about her husband.

It is essential for a family member to become informed and educated by reading relevant literature to understand and come to terms with such a challenging situation. Professional counselling is a valid consideration but there are also more cost-effective options.

Here are some tips from me Candii,

How to have a happy husband, ladies you may not like what I am about to say but, this is clear as crystal for you all.

If your husband isn’t happy you must think about why?

Think back to when you both first met each other, what was it that you liked about him, was it his strength, handsome looks, personality, was it his beautiful manner, was he a great listener, was he a good boy, bad boy, what did you love about your man…

Now, think about you in 2 years time is he still happy, are you both giving towards each other?

If in 2 years time your both arguing, or perhaps a few areas a lagging behind what is it that has changed?

Now apart from agressive behaviour, abusive manner, bad behaviour isn’t and will never change because that isnt an area within a 2 year time frame this kind of behaviour should be tolerated by either parties male or female, now that is out of the way… lets get back to what I am trying to say…

So, when we meet our potential partners we have to remember what makes us as partners women amazing..  now, this is the part I really cannot tell you how important this area is… our men our gorgeous hard working, beautiful men are your compliment to a successful partnership.. we as women should “NEVER”, EVER”, make our partners less than what you first saw in each other…

Which means.. we do not degrade our partners, make them feel less worthy than ourselves, WE ALWAYS respect, love, care, nurture, support and communicate with our best intentions.  why?

Because this is exactly what we would want them to do with us?, Right?

We do not detach and remove our partner’s balls… it’s their balls…  It is a man’s birthright to have them NOT Ours…

So, ladies, this is your first mistake if you are dominating towards your partner, If he isn’t helping you discuss it with him, communicate with him but, never demand from someone that you would not want from yourself.

Men’s Health – Reminder

Our men are silent suffers they seldom cry, they never show too much emotion, they keep most of their business to themselves.. they work every day if at home, work, around the house they normally are pretty business dudes..

The emotions these men have are mostly deep inside themselves because that is what they have been brought up to be MEN, so be mindful, of them and be kinder to them we wouldn’t have our children if it wasn’t for these men and if you love, care and respect them they will treat you the same and always keep open that communication with him.

Being mindful is the least of what us as females should do.. we are not princesses, queens, nor are we the bitch in the block with his cock!

If you wish to be this person then expect an angry lifestyle and a dissatisfied life, be openly honest, and loving, always vocalise how you feel to him because our feelings are valid, required, needed, not doubting that.. this, however, is about men…

Many men suffer and many men hurt themselves by drinking, cheating, hurting, yelling, this is because either they cannot realise their inner feelings because we have not allowed them to use their voice in such a manner..

I feel we discount them and should actually embrace them more because they are pretty special dudes and to have them means your a pretty special chick to have them… open up, nurture your needs be mindful it is a two-way street…

he is not your daddy unless that is a sexual roleplay 🙂

BAD BOYS

There are many levels of the above title and let me give you ladies the hot tip – old saying if you cannot hold your own self in a sand pit get the fuck out..  You have no business in the sand pit if you are going to change him, own his balls, demand or even dictate.

They will bolix you and you better understand if you cannot take it don’t give it..

Personally, I do enjoy a bit of a badly behaved boy because they are playful, naughty, push my buttons and I do enjoy it.. However, I can take it on many levels…

I am a rebellious woman with a soft, medium, loud, naughty, stubborn, and many other levels, however, I too can be annoying, a pest, brat, and sometimes selfish, which isn’t great but, it is me.. so those boys who like me will tolerate it and probably tell me to shut the hell up, which would be correct most of the time..

However, I would never, ever want to change my partner for the world.. more than I want to see him happy, achieve many things in this life, have great mates, and grow with him on a respectful, playful and fulfilling level going forward.. that is the key you know having an amazing life together and enjoying it with him.. or her…

Sexual fulfilment, happy children, empowered teenagers, always remember it is a two way street with each other… open up your mouth, and communicate, remove and work on your insecurities if you have them, communicate how you both feel and always, always be open to listening your might surprise yourself.

Try to not say NO….. and ask more what each other wants out of this limited short life… both of you can have the most amazing journey going forward by just being able to do the above…

Be kinder, be open, be mindful, be respectful, be loving, be adventurous, be sexual, be the best you both can be and give each other a break from time to time..

Our minds are hard-wired in an old belief…. which in most cases isn’t working for most marriages… and in most cases it is…

Would you both prefer holding yourself up…. or is it your job to hold everything up?

Think about that before you whine about one another…

What do you do with your partner that isn’t about you?

And how many times do you say no to each other?

How important is dressing up for Sex?

To me, it’s very important to my partner who I want to impress and get turned on and obviously for me as well because it seems to alter my mindset and it seems to do a lot of things..

If I am having a full on chat with my partner because let’s face it in Sex play its about the mind, the behaviour, the mindset of wanting to have sex and of course a positive outcome of doing this.

So, what do we do?

Well, we communicate a lot we discuss many factors especially when you want your sexual needs met and of course his as well..   It has a very important factor in sex play and how a night goes with your partner or even playmates.

Having sex isn’t just having sex.. its about many factors if you want more from each other its about setting the scene, the minds of those your teasing and pleasing and of course your own..  

For me I have a very vivid, open, and it seems very vast mindset when it comes to curiosity of sex, how it looks, what it feels like, how far I can go… our minds are the most important sexual organ in both sexes we want to be turned on, we want to be teased and challenged, we want our limits pushed, let’s face it why wouldn’t you?

Many would not agree with me.. however, If I asked you seriously do you love having good sex?

what is it that is good sex to you?

If you look at this picture below what do you see?

I see very dominant women on top of a male .. now this isn’t submissive at all this is a woman who put on an outfit to do exactly that.. she is straddling him in an aggressive, hot, dominating style she has his necklace held a whip at the back and an amazing outfit, hair, g-string the who look is hot and very dominating and empowering for a female..

Kink is no different when you put on an outfit look at the outfit and think about how it makes you feel.. remember your MIND is the SEXUAL organ your clothing is the scene, your mind will alter to the state of what you’re wearing if you allow yourself that freedom to put your mind there.

We hesitate as females and I believe it is because of many reasons, however, I want women to do some women time think of it as a test for your own self..

When you go shopping and see costumes, lingerie, hot lingerie do yourself a favour and get a spray tan it will make a difference and go lingerie shopping with your gal pals.

It will make you laugh and funny enough you both will enjoy it maybe even purchase it when you do this think about the outfit and put some attitude behind it.. 

Its alot of fun and you will be surprised just how awesome it will make you feel..

enjoy Ladies, Candii xx

 

According to me…

Husband, Dom, Friend, Master, Submissive me…

So, this is my take on what I believe would be the Ulitmate of Submission and Dominance, is having a Master and a Dom very different very hot and very much the taboo of all BDSM lifestyle living.

It is very strange to come to that conclusion or even put that in words to even think that could be even possible.. which I know in most cases in this lifestyle anything is possible.

However, for me, that seems so far-fetched and even too hot for even me to think that is something that I could consider..   However if you met me even the devil himself would have problems fitting me into satan’s den… however, that may be a little extreme for me even to say..

I am starting to remember who I was a long time ago back when things seemed simpler however, these days are more intense to say the least the feeling, meaning, and everything else that seems to be thrown into a box of tricks and very clear to me what this is all about…

Time wake up and be the person that I am destined to be…. if not them then that would be a shame… however, I have no doubt that I am what I am… and I adore everything about it and of course those that are around me as well..

No doubt… at all…

For the future of what will be… let it be what it will be…

The Rebellious Submissive..

Oh, dear shit, god, yes, oh, dear me…..

Hmm, some truth with this part here…. well I will be… natural brat..sub… dom… crap!!!

I think I might be failing at this …. lol woops… love the main picture though very fitting,….NOT!!!

LOL

1.  Being a constant brat

This is according to DOM SUB Living – SEE free PDF click below for your own journal.

I agree with most of this and yes, my aim is to understand this entire whole lifestyle I find it extremely disciplined and totally off the charts hot!

Why? Well, reading my blog you will understand why I do this and with whom I do this I guess I really cannot put everything together as such but, I am trying my hardest to understand it and it is something I know that tickles my box so to speak…

Candixx (nothing is hotter than a man being a man and a female loving being just that a female)

Instructions: Each partner should print out the worksheet and fill it out privately.

Once they have completed it, they should compare and discuss their answers together

This is from Dom SUB Living..

Sleeping Nude Is give it a go……..at least for your Lady Parts

Let’s face it, ladies, our vagina’s have a similar climate to a tropical rainforest and consequently are a great environment for yeast infections such as thrush. Bacteria and yeast thrive in warm, moist areas of the body…which is all the more reason to take off your underwear and give your vulva an airing overnight. After all, a healthy vagina is a happy vagina.

You’ll Enjoy More Sex

It makes sense that sleeping naked with your partner will create a ready-made environment for more sex. Sleeping naked creates skin-to-skin contact, which leads to increased intimacy and a greater inclination to cuddle and touch each other. More sex leads to more orgasms, which consequently leads to a healthier, happier you. Get to it and enjoy a naked cuddle tonight.

Your skin will love you

Letting your skin breathe is essential for a healthy, glowing appearance. Our skin is the biggest organ in our body and needs some tender loving care. Forget the expensive ‘anti-ageing’ body cremes and oils, jump into bed naked and allow your skin to breath and heal without being restricted by clothing fabrics.

Sleeping In Summer 

Sleeping in summer can often be uncomfortable and sticky. Waking up in the night feeling hot and bothered can lead to insomnia and frustration. Taking off your clothes at bedtime will prevent your body from overheating, which will, therefore, lead to a better night’s sleep.

I once had a boyfriend who told me that he ditched all his female friends when we became official because it was ‘the right thing to do’. I didn’t prompt him to do it, and then he expected me to do the same. Which I thought was odd, because as a girl, it feels normal and natural to have friends of the opposite sex without ever having the urge to sleep with them.

Platonic friendships are healthy for relationships. It’s weird for girls to only have girlfriends and guys to only have guy friends! Here’s why having friends of the opposite sex is awesome when you’re in a relationship.

You know he will never make a move on you. It’s nice when a guy doesn’t look at you as a potential date/piece of meat. Your mate isn’t perving at your ass or trying one-liners on you; he treats you like one of the boys or his little sister. Perfect!

He can help decode your man. Us girls don’t always read our men right. Enter the male friend! We can take our texts and situations to him and get a straight answer instead of overthinking what our partner said during a lovers quarrel.

There’s never any drama. Guys steer clear of drama like the plague. They have no interest in getting involved in other people’s business, so when you hang out, it’s all about lighthearted fun.

They don’t hold grudges. When girls fight with girls, grudges can sometimes be taken all the way to the grave. But guys are much simpler; they’re annoyed for a while and then they get over it. It’s like fighting with your brother – screaming and yelling for 10 minutes, then you’re pals again.

Boys are funny. They’re crass, rude, and stupid. Don’t get me wrong, wine time with the girls is super fun, but guys are just laugh-out-loud, roll-around-in-stitches funny.

Your stress will go away when you stop resisting the problem – hmm, what if they don’t? What if they go…. after when all is done?

We as married couples or I should say myself often think ideas, unique clique’s end up everyone doing it before you are doing it!

God that shitted me … I am thinking gosh, how awesome having a unique “trio thought” and finding out that dating sites are all doing what I thought was unique and private.. and still haven’t seen it or at least experienced it …. at least the thought was horny and hot… and it still is.. yet… to see it visually if we where to do it ever… 

I like the idea… of the thought .. and I like the idea of wanting to experience it.. so with a great outcome… no reactions of negitive only positively devine….. I wonder if that is possible?

You’re probably wondering what on Earth is she talking about, I am talking about having sexual ideas, feelings, earth gravitating moments, the earth thunders under you and “bang”, you find out other’s are street’s ahead of you and you begin to think now what!!

I wonder, if I just never went on these sites what then… perhaps all my talks and wondering, earth-shattering moments didn’t have to have talks.. however, this isn’t true we all must talk if we didn’t we would find out that those that we love and care about would end up being just a statistic.. or perhaps the talks found out more about me that I really knew or I had forgotten..

I believe in many beautiful, flavoursome things most of all I believe in Romantic moments and Earth Shattering sexual intense connections that even to this day I am in awe… so thank you mother earth for making me who I am…

I may be quirky, silly, crazy, mad, insane, intense, humorous, but, what I really am is I do care about those that I adore… know that you’re important to me those that I love…

Most would never go that far with anyone…. and for that, I thank you.. xxx

Researching Couples on Dating sites

I have been reading a lot about our dating sites, what couples do together, why couples seem to be sitting on dating sites which is a very interesting read indeed!

Now, let’s begin with a few areas that I would like to share with you.. Dating sites with Married couples who are looking for that added extra charge in their bedroom, garage, kitchen, lounge room and bathroom windows seem to be the “new thing to do”!

So, what have I been reading… okay, well, listen to this hot spiced and a little bit naughty, however, I will let you tell me after I tell you this little hot bit of sexy hotties…

This story is about a married couple, in their late 40’s both rather good-looking, natural beauties, both social, both rather open, the wife well she is very open-minded, say it how it is, open to him exploring his kinks and has a very vivid and curious mind..

He is very charming, tall, socially wicked, has a very broad mind on sex and loves his wives openness and is very keen to understand her curious nature more..

Both have a distinct kink, both are searching for that “special person male”, to share their experiences with, now this sounds too hot, and well thought through, however, let me tell you a little about her naughty husband who seems to have a few extra ideas and likes to tease his wife by playing a little “hide-and-seek”.

His kink is he is a Dom and her kink is she is a submissive, who strangely is after a male who both are hoping will be able to “whip both into shape”. Hamm, something a little odd in this window of naughty curious and a little bit slap-happy, to find such a “Unicorn male/alpha or perhaps bisexual or maybe someone who loves to tease, message, spank her ass, and lick her wet dripping clit with this tongue!

I would say that is pretty hot don’t you think?

Here is my short sex story of a couple that I have spoken too… however, the rest is mine so enjoy my erotic 3some story of what is going on in your City…Around the World…

Here is a little bit of a very long and usually difficult past built on trust, love and understanding these 3 are very uniquely wired and you can tell by the body language and many other attributes of why this could work in some peoples lives…

Imagine finding such a masculine hot gritty male, who appears very alpha that plays well with the husband while servicing her aching, trembling body as she aches, with loud intense moans, loudly panting with each breath.

She can feel his heat on her skin and understanding that this isn’t her husband but, someone she has yet to meet or already know, this excites her making her pant heavily, and yearning for both her husbands dirty hot-panted sex talk into her ear, saying you can feel his tongue licking your clit, and he then repeats it with a harsher tone so understands his dirty kinky fuckery his tone makes her pant and hold her breath to listen to the hot, filthy roughness of his dirty fckd mind.

His chosen male is exactly his choice as his filthiness is of a like-minded choice this chosen alpha is closed to his identity and prefers to watch rather than his touching fucking, his kink is more of the voyeur and although his devious talented tongue makes the submissive wife pant loudly the ropes and the submissive nature added to this delightful trio of dirty hot Primal men who love fucking wives that are more of the dirty-minded nature to satisfy their primal urges using her body as a submissive slut slave.

This was my interpretation to dating sites on the internet and married couples looking for hot men to add a bit of spice to their dull lives…

I think I would not have any problem in saying pick me… and make it exactly those two naughty men husband and the alpha spunk dude that has the same dirty minded kinky fuckery as the couple, what about you???

What do you think? HOT or NOT?

Because if you like this story…. there is more… you will discover an amazing and sensual awakening to an Erotic  experience built on years of understanding and many sides to what can occur with people that understand each other, know exactly what respect is built from, a love of knowing how difficult life can be and many more flavours you will discover a past filled with happy, easy going loving individuals and much more names are hidden and those people are the most loving individuals that I have ever met… so stay tuned to many more beautiful and sexual moments that I will with time tell you how and when … and most of all why…

To be continued…… Rebellious Submissive with many blessings to you all xx

Let me know by commenting if you like this story and why?

A recent study from Ohio State University shows that men and women who have marital rows, especially in combination with a history of depression, burn fewer calories after a meal than less argumentative couples. The stress alters the way the body processes high-fat foods which increases the risk of obesity.

Men and women who had an argument had:

• higher levels of insulin, which contributes to the storage of fat, in blood;
• higher spikes of fat in the blood (triglycerides) after eating a heavy meal.

Lead researcher Jan Kiecold-Glaser said the findings reveal how important it is to treat mental health problems. The recent study backs up a previous research, which found that women, who are stressed, put on weight because their metabolism slows down.

Mind your heart

Another study from the University of Utah shows that arguing with a spouse is not only upsetting but also very bad for the heart. People who feel unsupported are more likely to develop heart disease because of higher levels of artery calcification.