I came across this title this morning over the internet and I only write about the things I have gone through myself especially if I can relate to it and I have to say this definitely took my interest.
Firstly, I will begin by saying that being alone is not scary, or dangerous, or a curse, or any other bullshit thing that people (society) make it out to be.
Being alone is also not lonely unless you make it lonely.
Being alone is better than settling for a bunch of shitty dates that get you feel horrible about yourself or waking up next to some dude who thinks your name is Whitney when it’s not even close.
Being alone is the time you have to get comfortable with yourself and that time is so valuable.
This is a time for you to re-charge, re-invest and re-think the last so many years you may have either been married prior or in a long-term relationship. You have to give yourself a break from time to time because we seem to think that “Oh, my god!, this feeling of loneliness is actually a gift from God himself or herself whichever or whoever he/she maybe.
You see everything that occurs (excluding murder, you know what I mean) happens for a reason and for whatever reason this decision or the decision that was made for you to separate is what the universe has given you as a test in your life.
In other words, the universe has given this to you to learn, reflect and look back to teach you something that may have been hasty of you to make or for whatever reason it is what it is a test to do something for yourself or whatever your reasons may have been at the time.
I remember when I made my decision to leave my first husband (I know sounds like I am Elizabeth Taylor aka 11 ex-husbands Ha!)
I was 20 years old I was very young my family circumstances at the time with a family member made me feel like I had no choice. I had a lot of rules as young girl I worked full-time, and I felt the walls at home was coming in and when this kind of stress creeps in you end up making decisions based on emotion.
As I look back and reflect on my past, I can allow myself to have a little giggle about what makes people get so stressed and worked up about being alone when there is no reason for it at all because being alone is as good or as bad as you make it.
For me, it was like someone had taken this heavy weight on my shoulders off and suddenly I felt lighter and happier I had been in an 8-year marriage and by this time I was a mother of a beautiful son who was 5 years old.
By this period I was 27 years old, and finally, it felt like I had left my home to discover life for the “very first time”, and I embraced this feeling with all of my might. Don’t think I didn’t get my ASS kicked for being a failure, single mother, my family being Italian gave me such a hard time about divorce being the first person in the family that has ever done this to “THEM”.
I have to laugh because looking back at that point I knew that everyone seemed to have an opinion ab0ut my life!! Go Figure!
I lost all my friends because I was a single mother (average looking) and a definite threat to any husband within a 10 k radius hahaha! I kid you not!
What occurred after divorcing was a slippery slide of being free for the first time, my thoughts were mine which felt amazing but strange at the time this was mainly because I had never felt this sense of “me time” however, I was a single mother, so it really wasn’t just my time.
The most tremendous thing I came across was everyone had their own opinion on my new status, and it was funny. (not funny really) Everyone went into “panic mode” it was like, Oh, my God, she is alone a single mother, suddenly I was thrown into old friends trying to hitch me up with someone new or old in my case.
I swear it felt like everyone was thinking or at least this is what occurred to me, “She must have someone in her life to be complete” HA!
They would try and set me up in an roundabout way by inviting me over to their house with a new friend coming over at the same time. Yuk, what on earth, I swear my face must have had this creased up, screwed up terminate look on it staring at them and thinking to myself, “for crying out loud, people are you serious!!!”
- For example, I would be invited to dinner while not knowing I was invited because they had a friend what apparently was perfect for me???
- Oh, not to mention the ex-husband advising me who I should date??
Seriously, who I should date? Ex-husband? Oh, My GOD!!!
Anyway, this is how I saw it.. being alone meant that I for the first time in my entire life was free to make my own decisions and it felt GOOD!
There was NO WAY I was going into another relationship because my friends, family, ex-husband or even society thought was best for ME!!
This is what being alone meant to me
Being alone was hard. However, nothing in life is or would be ever easy but, it was the most liberating feeling that I had ever made. I would never change this feeling for the world it was the best decision of my life and my son’s life at the time.
I believe this – when making any decision in life you make sure you do this because it is right for you, yes, Society it means being “selfish”.
You are changing your environment because it wasn’t working, you felt what you felt, you made a decision because it was yours to make!!!
Once you are ready then you can do the below things according to your rules, my husband says (current one) set behaviours.. or they will be set for you, and this isn’t good.
So to be ‘being alone” means many things;
- Be alone until you find someone who talks about you and who talks you up to their friends, or family, or co-workers, or the homeless dude on the street corner – literally anyone.
- Be alone until you find someone who is proud as hell to show you off because and visa verse, anything less than that is bullshit.
- Be alone until you find someone who can’t wait to see you but not in an overbearing, pushy, controlling manner but in an “I care about you” way because yes, there is a difference between the two. And no, being with someone who controls you is not cool.
- Be alone until you find someone you actually want to spend your free time with not someone you’re convincing yourself you like or worse – someone you have to convince to like you. Someone whose attention you have to beg for is not someone who is worth your time. If someone likes you, you will know. Otherwise it’s time to let them go and focus more on yourself.
- Be alone until you find someone who misses you when you’re not around, not someone who forgets you exist on the weekends unless they’re drunk and lonely.
- Be alone until you find someone who actually gives a shit about the way you feel. Not someone who says “oh well, you’ll forgive me later” or just expects you to get over it.
- Be alone until you find someone who doesn’t ghost you or leave you hanging more often than not.
- Be alone until you find someone who is proud of you, who inspires you, who wants you to be better and trying to help you get there.
- Be alone until you find someone who erases your insecurities and makes you feel good in your own skin.
- Be alone until you find someone who puts you first and makes you feel like a priority because you don’t have time to be an option.
- Be alone until you find someone who actually gives a shit about you. So many people settle for mediocre relationships with lame ass people – don’t be one of those people. Love is the one thing you should never, ever settle for.
Until then – be alone and grow and become the best you can become then do the above find someone who is your equal and live life FULLY.
That to me is living
Written by Fifi Burlesque WRITTEN 2017