Archive for May 31st, 2018
External Validation – what does this mean?
External Validation: (here is an example of what I mean)
- I Need Others To Like Me And Think I Am Smart, what does it have to do with being smart???
I guess its about what story your telling people is it about how wonderful a person you are and what I have as in cars, houses, things!!!
However, I would NEVER use this as a negitive regarding my wellbeing,
Example of a friend…
- her/his childhood abuse that was inflicted to me as a child, nor would I use this as the rape, drugging, and being reduced to a piece of shit that someone made me feel once upon a time, now would I?
Here is a few areas I found in relation to seeking “good” and “negitive” validation, becareful that you end up thinking what you cannot do… Let’s change this because if you require validation from others because you find it helpful then do it….
Don’t allow others to cloud your judgement because they feel that your doing it too often, perhaps its because you feel that they are not LISTENING!!!
I personally feel that it is a very sad area and in most cases it can be a solo event and a very alone feeling of isolation when people suffer such torment in their lives.
I should now its taken me 50 years to tell a story and I DO NOT want validation
It breaks my heart how many people are so nasty and so quick in saying your seeking External Validation for your pain??????
Here below is some facts… that I would like to share for an external area (pardon the pun)
Validation for Healing and Personal Growth
People who have been abused, mistreated, hurt, or wronged in any other way almost universally seek validation. We talk to others, tell our stories, write about it, and express it in other ways.
Even perpetrators do it because, in their mind, they are the ones being wronged even though they are the ones harming others—but that’s a separate topic. Here, we will only talk about people who were actually wronged and we will exclude scenarios where a perpetrator seeks validation or actually receives enabling.
Everyone in their own mind wants to make sense out of their painful experiences and be validated that they are right. A commonly used way is to talk about it with others. The most productive scenario is probably to seek professional help, assuming that you can find a competent enough helper, be it a therapist, life coach, counselor, social worker, etc. But, depending on the situation, sometimes friends, family, or even strangers can do the trick.
Seeking Validation in the Wrong Places
Sadly, many people don’t have close, trusting, mature relationships. A lot of people have unsatisfying or unhealthy relationships. And so they seek validation, understanding, compassion, and support from people who are unable or unwilling to provide it.
So many people have heard phrases like, “Just get over it,” “It’s not a big deal,” “Don’t be a pussy,” “They’re your family,” “Don’t live in the past,” “How dare you blame your mother/father?” “They didn’t mean it,” “It made you stronger,” “You’re so negative,” “You swore for better or worse, together no matter what,” and so on.
Receiving such a response when you open up and share your pain can be devastating, even retraumatizing, especially coming from someone close or who is a professional. Here, people who don’t have a support system or are easily gaslighted experience confusion, self-blame, shame, and guilt. They simply wanted empathy and compassion for their pain, but encountered invalidation, minimization, dismissal, blaming, ridiculing, or guilt-tripping.
Way too often people seek validation, empathy, and compassion from the very people that hurt them. In many cases it is so because the aggrieved party is psychologically dependent on the perpetrator or even experience Stockholm syndrome. This is especially common in families where the adult-child is trying to make the caregiver accept parental responsibility and on an unconscious level desperately tries to gain love and acceptance from them.
Interesting read see below for full reading