Archive for June 2018

Have you ever heard Someone Say:


 

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I am okay, I have Dealt with:

 

  • my husband or boyfriend beating me up ?

  • I have dealt with a child never returning home?

  •  I have dealt with my daughter suicide?

  • I have dealt with being raped?

  • I have dealt with an uncle molesting you?

  • I have dealt with loosing a my unborn child?

  • I have dealt with my son, brother, sister, child dying in a car accident?

  • I have dealt with my child being murdered?

Have you ever heard that old saying…

Everything in life comes with a lesson or a blessing?

Well, let me tell you that I know exactly what it is like…. I have had a few unfortunate traumatic experiences occur and if I could turn back time .. holy shit I am so amazed I am still living on this planet!!!!

10 fun facts

Let me first talk about 1968 as a child 

For me mine started very young, I was extremely emotional kid, felt everything, loved being a little girl, smiling, happy, painful to my parents, mostly my mum, just a normal little girl.

However, I seemed to be more emotional than most and that was for many reasons, I used to always be in trouble just like any other child, I guess, however, I seemed to always end up at the bike rakes stopping some idiot fool think they where going to help my brother get better (he had a slight disability – I like to say it that way because as a child he was just my big brother)

So, for years and years, a lot of kids thought because frankly they had no idea that having a disability meant it was permanent (stupid fools) and they thought it was an easy fix thinking it was easy to beat my brother up so it would shock him out of whatever these kids thought he had…

Seriously, I wondered if I was in the twightlight zone, or their parents never spoke about things like that.. which I do recall they didn’t ever!!

Anyway, I guess everything has to start somewhere in your life however, that wasnt it for me, that was just life.. and that seemed to never phase me it was just normal for me.

Without going to into my life as a child  – I have to say at times I did struggle, I struggled because I felt to blame in a lot of things that happened to me as a child and I was punished for them… mostly warranted.. some perhaps could have been dealt with a bit fairer..

So, I grew up with old fashion values, lying was never tolerated, so you would be punished, fighting with your brother well, that was a daily effort of normal I guess, so again, punished (lol).

However, on a serious note other things that used to occur like Teachers asking for you to come out of the class so they can touch your hair, (weird) and if you told your parents we when told that we must not tell fibs and to hold your tongue.

Other things occurred, disturbing things, that other children would do, like sitting on your head while a siblings pants was pulled down by other sisters down the street many things occurred or I saw, was done to me and again nothing ever was really believed.

So, as children you begin to say nothing to anyone and you walk away because no one will believe you and those times become harder because you cannot cope.. so you cry a lot or you seem to be labelled a sook.

Kids, will be kids, but, I have to say, 1968 kids, had it tough some of us I must admit..  I remember girls my age never allowed to go outside and play.. by their parents… after school..  many actually!

Those days was tough, I felt a lot of pain and fear going to school and coming home I guess, but, I put that down to growing up and healing pretty quickly because it never stuck long and we as children pretty much grew the hell up pretty quickly..

I guess, we never acknowledged things and we never spoke about things because frankly it was never heard of… so we shut the hell up!! and went on with our lives..

I guess what I am trying to say or at least paint for you .. it all depends on the severity of what you went through, saw or even was witness too and how your parents taught you.

It was a lot of fun, happy times, miserable times, more happy times, we dealt the best we could but, we never gave up .. most of us never, ever gave up… that is want I did notice as kids at school, after school and we played outside everyday.. so perhaps maybe that was the key of survival..  in those days..

Of course I am missing out of a lot of things that I have not said, but, this isn’t my point that I am trying to explain to you… that will come after I do my next post…

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So, I really would love to hear from those who are brave enough to discuss their childhood you can do it briefly like I did or in details..

  • So, What was your childhood like?

  • Was it like (children are seen and not heard?) 

  • And what differences did you find from what I explained above?

 

 

 

 

Mystery Blogger Award Nomination


https://pointlessoverthinking.wordpress.com made me a great honor by nominating me to the Mystery Blogger Award. Thank you so so much for this!

What Is Mystery Blogger Award

Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion.
– Okoto Enigma( The creator of this award)

The Rules

  1. Put the award logo/image on your blog
  2. List the rules.
  3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  4. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
  5. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  6. You have to nominate 10 – 20 people
  7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
  8. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
  9. Share a link to your best post(s)

Three things about myself

  1.  Very open and friendly to those who I meet
  2. I guess I am uniquely wired
  3. I am a acquired taste of person

Questions that I need to answer.

  1. Why did you start blogging?

Well, have you ever done anything and started with an idea of “something”, a long story really hard to type this answer in a question that should be short.

I guess, I wanted to see if I was the only person on this Earth like me!

So, far I find many of you like me, and many of you not at all like me, this is only because we cannot be exactly like each other and that was refreshing or I would have been a little sad if I did… I am extremely happy that I found each and every one of you are different and that is excellent.  (short version not totally accurate but, its shorter than my real answer)

However, my long answer is extremely long very similar to the person who nominated me for this award.. I love writing terrible spellers, grammar is shit, cannot spell for crappy, and my endless ranting is just endless..  I found out about myself, others, selfish reasons,  I was looking for answers I think Subconcouisouly, answers to help me understand clearer.. this question should be answered over a nice cup of coffee.. and a long decent chat… so I will leave it to then!

2  What person do you appreciate the most and why?

To answer this question is a little vague, so am I suppose to say my partner, movie star, god?

My husband, he has a lot of patience and I still after 20 years, do not understand why he would still be with me for all these years… which I thank you for that

3  What is your biggest fear?

I have seen and experienced my fears…  and look forward to a journey of fun going forward.. fear only occurs when your mind allows it or you allow it.. 

  • If I had to answer it, then it would be buried in a box 6 foot underground…I know I have passed away but, it’s the thought of knowing (aka the mind)

4  Which quote you like the most?

My quote that I made up….. for gods sakes people lick that bloody spoon..hehehe

And always know it’s Never about the Destination….. just spell those roses as you walk this journey and do it with your eyes open and breathe it in… it is short but, it could be an incredible trip to the end.

5 What do you love the most about our world?

Everything, and anything, it really is amazing and we never allow ourselves that moment to smell those beautiful roses and lay in the green grass… or watch those beautiful stars on a hot summers night..

Here are my nominations for

https://katkinx.blog

https://acquiescentsoulblog.wordpress.com/

https://kristinagallo.wordpress.com

https://narcsite.com

My questions to you.. AND anyone Else Up for this Challenge.. can you answer these questions?

1  What do you think that seems to be lacking in our Society with people?

2  Do you feel that you have made the most of your life up too now? And if you could going forward what do you want people to do that could change this world?

3  Tell me your most extreme moment that made you look at yourself? And what did you learn?

4  If you had to go back to your younger self .. how old would you be? And what would you say to her/him and why would you say it??

Remember I picked you for a reason.. so answer them truthfully, each person is here on this journey each person I selected because I felt that they are quite uniquely wired..

  1. If you looked at your life and yourself.. what would you like to advise others to teach people how to treat one another?

  2. If you had to change the world I would love you to list what it would be and why?

  3. Mental Health is a issue in this society at this moment.. What is your thoughts of how this can change? Do you have anything that could help other people in helping them get better? list at least 5 or more and tell us why?

 

Thank you and I do look forward to you answering those about and seeing what your answers are….thank you for the nomination DM

 

Most Strings… lovely


Lyrics:

And meet me there, with bundles of flowers

We’ll wade through the hours of cold winter

She’ll howl at the walls Tearing down doors of time

Shelter as we go And promise me this

You’ll wait for me only Scared of the lonely arms

That surface, far below these birds Maybe, just maybe i’ll come home

Who am i, darling to you?

Who am i To tell you stories of mine?

Who am i?

Who am i, darling for you?

Who am i To be your burden in time?

Lonely Who am i, to you?

Who am i, darling for you?

Who am i?

To be your burden Who am i, darling to you?

Who am i?

I come alone here I come alone here

Stop dis-empowering yourself because someone said something that made you feel less than..


This blog post was for a person that allowed those people to effect him

 

What does it mean to be a warrior?

There’s a quote by Chogyam Trungpa that I really love: “The essence of warrior ship, or the essence of human bravery, is refusing to give up on anyone or anything.”

So when I use the word “warrior,” I mean it in the most loving way a Masculine way, just because your like it both ways, why beat yourself up over something that isn’t anyone else business but your own…

It means that I’ve cultivated and continue to cultivate a deep commitment to myself and my happiness. In doing so I continue to expect the same from those around me.

How you live your life is how you live your life.. If you wish to tell the world what you are then do so… but, own it.. it isn’t about being gay, straight, Polly, Tran, lesbian or all those other horrid labels that society wish to pigeon-hole everyone in..

If we didn’t have these labels and those judge mental, opinionated people we would have something else in our world that those people will still pick on to winger about..

 

I hold you fully capable of owning your Inner Sex Warrior.

I am a female who is very open-minded, I detest people who slander and control others by putting them into a box because they said so, those horrid people are venom and probably those people have more of an unhealthy life themselves in other areas.

Not my business, and I will give you another hot topic to run with.. If I was a man I definitely would love anal…. which according to society this is bisexual? 50% gay WTF??

Those people who finger point, name, label and blame are not my business and I wish them well, however, they don’t hang out with me anymore..

Thank god!!!!

Candii xxx

The Generation that avoids a Relationship .. interesting video


This Generation wants the easy way there without the drama, they want to swipe left, right and then never go to a date this generation wants everything without lifting a finger.

So, what does this mean?

They want everything perfect without the heart ache, winging, weddings, everything how do they do that?

Easy they never leave there reality which is virtual reality…

This is the generation that will have the serious problems when they get older because this generation is the generation that is virtual, you dont have to walk, talk, it is all about texting and never their eyes leave the screen..

so, what does that mean???

Wasteland  Summerfest 2018!


Dress Code Guidelines

As the festival will be held in July, dress code guidelines are adjusted to the summer season. It is not mandatory to wear leather, rubber or latex… so fabric is allowed. Feel free to come in an outfit that fits your personality and/or matches your personal fetish. tyling station available for those who will need professional help to get into the festival mood.

To a Dear Friend… and Loved ones…


Hey Candii here,

(Before I type this I wanted to say this, when you can’t identify a strong emotional feeling by name and you know it’s amazing..by how it feels or makes you feel effortlessly well, that is love saying your worth it so take my gift back and make sure you 3 never give up because. it is called LOVE)

I wanted to share something with you on a few things I have learnt today, when people use language including myself you must realize that if someone doesn’t like what you say then they do have the right to voice it.. or in some cases stay silent.

The reason why they need to voice it is on many levels and that is tone, sound, how you word your words on higher and lower, it can and maybe very destructive to others.

I have noticed including myself there is many people who suffer depression, PTSD, trauma, anxiety, have been hurt very badly, including rape and I detest using that word.

Sometimes when we share our views on our personal environment (me included) can and will either hinder, hurt, make others feel less than what they should feel, words on a blog, email and even a letter sent you must understand that if you talk with thinking your better, or knowledge is more personalized with a topic you MUST expect others to read it and state their view.

I spoke to a family member today and without going to far into it .. I realized that tone and manner not to mention that dismissed attitude that I was once fond of for many years “did effect me today”.

I write mostly about stupid idiot rubbish which I will delete with time once I get my thought process together I must use better language and I must be present and I must understand that what once was my thought process isn’t now..

I know this so much I can taste it…

I wrote about Friends with Benefits, who am I kidding, I am using my heart, soul, and feelings and I have to be bloody honest, how hard would that be for me now..

Bloody hard, I am now awake, I know I can and act like anyone, with a loose tongue and a attitude that no one is close to my heart.. what a load of crap!

If I consider you as a friend how the hell can I separate my feelings, my heart, and how my head is, I know me, why do you think somethings are hard or difficult for me..  nothing good is ever easy.. so make sure you do it for the right reasons and not just something your doing!!!

Because you could hurt those you love and that they love you..

Risking my self seemed so effortless in my younger years but, not so easy now in my older years.. I really have to take in how I feel about those individuals and my own feelings so I am trying to understand with frustration sometimes on how that is set.

Set and Settings remember – take this as a compliment because yes, once upon a time thank god in my past I could be like “don’t care” now I do.. and I love being like this however, its very scary for me.. perhaps that is a good thing.. it means more, real and many other flavors, levels and feelings that once was is back and present.

I would be totally and utterly devastated that I had hurt anyone that I care about with my words that I use now, because that really isn’t me.. That person was me when I forgot to use my heart.. now I use my heart.. and it hurts if I hurt another person that I care about.

Remember words, are important, so when you say something, do something you make sure you do it for the right reasons and never , ever, take any of it for granted.

Because life is too short, yes, and too beautiful to use bad language just to prove a stupid, pointless banter about bull shit..

Love, your life, Live it, if you don’t like what another says on a blog then send him/her to buggery because at the end of the day.. you will only invest in those that understand how others feel, how others would feel if reading anyone’s blogs..

So, from now on.. meet me half way so at least I know I am not going to hurt myself or others going forward.. if not I get you and love you anyway xxx

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So, I had to say the above because it was on my mind and people on these blogs can be insulting, rude, shameful, hurtful and quite cruel because using words of expressing what they think is there feelings well I am sorry it can and will be cruel to those we care and love, dear friends, husbands, wives, partners, and even family.. so be mindful of using better words and think before you type..

So, with Love I say….once I lost that emotion by being numb, slowly it crept up behind me and said, hello remember me .. and I said, I remember you your Love)

Awww that is so cute….

However, if your a nastisistic asshole please use those correct words as that is actually what it reads… sorry… fellow blogger..

Do you like wearing high heels in bed?


Hey Candii here,

Excuse me tonight I am a little odd tonight but, I am about to forward you some interesting facts about High heels and how it tows into being a bit fetish..

Apart from looking hot, or not, it all depends on the attitude, the outfit if you are lucky enough to have enough.. between you and me.. I think I am down to next to nothing and this little muffet isn’t happy… well shes not unhappy just a bit like … costumes are nil and void..

If I promised to turn around and behave would you two agree on purchasing some really nice dirty stuff for me?

Anyhoo, enough this bit on high heels .. remember ladies the higher the dirtier the dirtier the better.. well, that’s my bit on high heels..

plus, men love them… cuz you look like a right naughty call girl.. give them a try..

kinsters, love Candii xxx

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Have you got a high heel fetish?

You’re in good company!

Traces the history of high heels and why this is a common fetish.

High heels were initially a tool of war and dominance used by aristocrats; though there are records of Egyptians wearing heels, they were first popularised in Western cultures in the 15th century – when they were worn by Persians to stabilise themselves in their stirrups while shooting bow and arrow from the back of a horse. When high heels ended up in European countries, it was aristocratic men who were wearing heels to gain height, and thereby dominance and power.

History of the high heel fetish

The first women to wear heels were 16th-century Italian Courtesans. As high-ranking sex workers, they spent most of their time with men. As a result, they were supposed to be more relatable to men. This meant that they were allowed to follow masculine pursuits such as drinking, reading, smoking, and wearing heels. This might have been the beginnings of the high heel fetish.

High heels were an androgynous and erotic symbol that these high-class sex workers were able to adopt due to their access to things “respectable” women could not even consider.

Chopines: the beginning of the high heel fetish

Chopines – precursors to platform heels that could be up to 10 inches in height and often required the help of men to get around – became popular wear for courtesans and patrician women in the 15th, 16th, and 17th centuries. The taller the chopine, the more fabric required to reach the ground – and the wealthier you were.

Louis XIV and his high heel fetish

However, the adoption of heels by courtesans and high-ranking women did not keep them from being a male symbol of power. High heels were still a masculine fashion item in the 18th century when Louis XIV featured red-painted soles on his shoes (sorry, Christian Louboutin!) and allowed people who were close to him to sport similarly red soles.

During this time, women wearing heels was still thought of as gender-bending, and wearing traditionally masculine clothing and accessories was, as it still is, a fashion-stoked endeavour for aristocratic and high-class women.

So the high heel fetish is a power thing, right?

When democracy became the trend in the 19th century, heels – gaining height over others – was considered “un-democratic” and they went out of fashion. It wasn’t until the early 20th century when fetish photographers realised that heels made one’s rear look amazing that they started to become associated with women.

The femme fatale and the high heel fetish

There are still elements of the masculine, dominance and power, in how we think about our high heel fetish. We associate them with strong women, especially the archetype of the femme fatale. There’s a reason why the domina is more associated with sky-high heels than the innocent girl next door.

 

Privacy is number 1 in a kink relationship


Handling different levels of openness in kink relationships can be a challenging dynamic;

  • what we share with the world, where we share it, and with whom.
  • As a self-producing performer and writer, Cameryn Moore is very open about her sex life, and over the past eight years, Cameryn’s partners have all had varying degrees of openness for different reasons.
  • But, what questions do you need to ask?

First of all, remember there is no value or merit inherent in outness.

That being said, I’ve always been a super-loudmouth activist about things, especially in regions where the surrounding culture is conservative, but there are many legitimate reasons why someone may not be open in public spaces about being a kinkster.

Places of employment, for example, can be bad environments for “too much sharing”; ditto if you are in any domestic dispute involving child custody.

Conversely, there are also good reasons for openness, and partners who are more private should still make an effort to understand how keeping one’s private life under wraps can feel supremely disorienting and uncomfortable to someone who lives life more out on the table. Furthermore, the more open person in this situation might end up feeling like you’re trying to keep them and your relationship a secret.

  • How can you resolve these seeming conflicts?
  • What questions do you need to ask?

Sharing private information

Let’s start with what information goes out where.

This is especially a concern if either of you ever post stuff about your personal sex life on mainstream social media.

I frequently have drawn from real-life stories for my blog posts, for example, never mind passing references to things on Facebook.

Some things to discuss:

  • How do you refer to your partners in social media, if at all? (Some of my lovers have gotten nicknames, which I let them agree to.)
  • Do you tag them in a post? (Some of mine yes, others no.)
  • Is your relationship status acknowledged by an official link, or is it “complicated”? (I have decided to leave my current status “complicated.”)

Until you have a good sense of what your partner is comfortable with, it’s a good idea to run your posts and status updates by them if you refer to them in it.

This same initial caution applies to pictures as well.

  • Would you want to put pictures up on Facebook?
  • On Fetlife?
  • Here on fetish.com?
  • Under what conditions? With mask?
  • Not showing bits or only showing bits?Illustration of Woman. Privacy and Openness in Kink Relationships
    If you have doubts about privacy levels in your kink relationships, talk about it.

Who do you tell?

My kink is an essential part of my relationship; my closest friends know this.

I check with my partner:

what I can put out in the world about us?

Don’t read this.. its me abusing society and having a winge..


Doomed if you do.. Doomed if you don’t…..

Wow, I am a little angry and very disappointed in others that seem to say a lot and for some reason leave me less than convinced that they are being real themselves.

I hate to finger point I really do.. but, for some reason you people seem to love to label, gossip, laugh, think those who went through so much is less than your trouble.

I just don’t understand … you…..

What is it that seems to be so unbelievable, but yet you are still here… go figure, what on earth is wrong with you… it isn’t me your stopping passed to see.. it is actually yourself because either A. Your not quite convinced that I am telling the story correctly or B. Your looking for some bullshit lie that you seem that I will vomit out of my frigging ass hole??

I don’t get it.. let’s retrace your life sweet heart and tear you apart once again, because frankly I am unsure according to all my own insecurities about my own life (talking about you all) I am perfect (YOU)

Now, I must be a slow learner or I have an issue with society because frankly it’s been so lovely to me.. or I have issues with men, women, oh I dunno, pretty much everything that moves right?

So, please tell me what language I am speaking?

Please tell me that my life has been the best of the best.. and list each time you firstly know me? which you don’t, even give a rats by reading this? which you don’t, or will you even remember my dribble next week Sunday with your family.. I doubt it..

Just in case you missed it I typed a number… look up to find .. it

 

20 minutes later.. well thank you for reading my shit.. first time you took the time to do so…. and I bet a comment will be out of the question…??

Just in case your friends see you put a comment against a crazy angry chick that has given everything and all she is looking for is a bit of old fashion manners and a splash of kindness…

Pity next time ask me to my face what you think about life… ask me how I feel about you, ask me what my thoughts are about sexuality, humanity, depression, water.. (through that in…just like the number)

If you wish to understand something… as if she will tell you when her mind trying hard to understand herself.. at least she is trying to give it her go..

But, whatever, judge her, belittle her, and make her feel worthless, because guess what society.. she does not give a toss… because no fucker gave a toss about her..

She walked alone.. who was your partner that you took along for the bullshit ride to laugh, hurt, and make her feel less like the rest..

Congrats Society you win… medal in the post with ASSHOLE written all over it..

Proud moment peeps

 

 

What is Gaslighting? it is a turds way of expressing how much of a twatt he really is.. and then you moving to better pastures… just saying…


Psst… Guess What… I too have had this happen…to me…so I slapped him and said, snap out of it… Moron…. anyway to those that didnt do what I did.. read on….

Have a read of what the experts say about this wonderful experience that a lot of us go through and it takes us a long time to see.

Sometimes in a relationship it takes you a lot to open your eyes and see what you don’t or could not believe.. it takes a brave soul to say.. yes, honey, you do that too me sometimes.. and it makes me feel like shit!!!

And sometimes it take about 5 seconds to smack him in the face and say listen doofus, if you do that to me again I will with no hesitation smash you in the balls…

End of problem lol

Cheers, more about this one later Franny (aka Candii)

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“I never said that. You’re making things up again.”
“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”
“It’s all in your head.”

Does your partner repeatedly say things like this to you? Do you often start questioning your own perception of reality, or even your own sanity, within your relationship?

If so, your partner may be using a form of abuse that mental health professionals call gaslighting.

This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home. When his wife points it out, he denies that the light changed. Gaslighting is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control). Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.

Gaslighting tends to happen very gradually in a relationship; in fact, the abusive partner’s actions may seem like just a harmless misunderstanding at first. Over time, however, these abusive behaviors continue, and a victim can become confused, anxious, isolated and depressed, while losing all sense of what is actually happening. Then, the victim may start relying on the abusive partner more and more to define reality, which creates a very difficult situation to escape.

Is Your Partner Using One of These Gaslighting Techniques?

There are a variety of gaslighting techniques that an abusive partner might use:

Withholding: the abusive partner pretends not to understand or refuses to listen. Ex. “I don’t want to hear this again,” or “You’re trying to confuse me.”

Countering: the abusive partner questions the victim’s memory of events, even when the victim remembers them accurately. Ex. “You’re wrong, you never remember things correctly.”

Blocking/Diverting: the abusive partner changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts. Ex. “Is that another crazy idea you got from [friend/family member]?” or “You’re imagining things.”

Trivializing: the abusive partner makes the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant. Ex. “You’re going to get angry over a little thing like that?” or “You’re too sensitive.”

Forgetting/Denial: the abusive partner pretends to have forgotten what actually occurred or denies things like promises made to the victim. Ex. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “You’re just making stuff up.”
(Adapted from: Source)

What Are the Signs My Partner is Gaslighting Me?

In order to overcome this type of abuse, it’s important to start recognizing the signs and eventually learn to trust yourself again. According to author and psychoanalyst Robin Stern, Ph.D., the signs of being a victim of gaslighting can include:

  • You constantly second-guess yourself.
  • You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.
  • You often feel confused and even crazy.
  • You’re always apologizing to your partner.
  • You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
  • You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
  • You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
  • You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
  • You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
  • You have trouble making simple decisions.
  • You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
  • You feel hopeless and joyless.
  • You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
  • You wonder if you are a “good enough” partner.

If any of these signs ring true for you, give us a call at 1-800-799-7233 or chat with us online from 7 a.m.-2 a.m. CT. Our advocates are here to support and listen to you.

http://www.thehotline.org/what-is-gaslighting/

What is Gaslighting? it is a turds way of expressing how much of a twatt he really is.. and then you moving to better pastures… just saying…


Psst… Guess What… I too have had this happen…to me…so I slapped him and said, snap out of it… Moron…. anyway to those that didnt do what I did.. read on….

Have a read of what the experts say about this wonderful experience that a lot of us go through and it takes us a long time to see.

Sometimes in a relationship it takes you a lot to open your eyes and see what you don’t or could not believe.. it takes a brave soul to say.. yes, honey, you do that too me sometimes.. and it makes me feel like shit!!!

And sometimes it take about 5 seconds to smack him in the face and say listen doofus, if you do that to me again I will with no hesitation smash you in the balls…

End of problem lol

Cheers, more about this one later Franny (aka Candii)

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“I never said that. You’re making things up again.”
“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”
“It’s all in your head.”

Does your partner repeatedly say things like this to you? Do you often start questioning your own perception of reality, or even your own sanity, within your relationship?

If so, your partner may be using a form of abuse that mental health professionals call gaslighting.

This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home. When his wife points it out, he denies that the light changed. Gaslighting is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control). Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.

Gaslighting tends to happen very gradually in a relationship; in fact, the abusive partner’s actions may seem like just a harmless misunderstanding at first. Over time, however, these abusive behaviors continue, and a victim can become confused, anxious, isolated and depressed, while losing all sense of what is actually happening. Then, the victim may start relying on the abusive partner more and more to define reality, which creates a very difficult situation to escape.

Is Your Partner Using One of These Gaslighting Techniques?

There are a variety of gaslighting techniques that an abusive partner might use:

Withholding: the abusive partner pretends not to understand or refuses to listen. Ex. “I don’t want to hear this again,” or “You’re trying to confuse me.”

Countering: the abusive partner questions the victim’s memory of events, even when the victim remembers them accurately. Ex. “You’re wrong, you never remember things correctly.”

Blocking/Diverting: the abusive partner changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts. Ex. “Is that another crazy idea you got from [friend/family member]?” or “You’re imagining things.”

Trivializing: the abusive partner makes the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant. Ex. “You’re going to get angry over a little thing like that?” or “You’re too sensitive.”

Forgetting/Denial: the abusive partner pretends to have forgotten what actually occurred or denies things like promises made to the victim. Ex. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “You’re just making stuff up.”
(Adapted from: Source)

What Are the Signs My Partner is Gaslighting Me?

In order to overcome this type of abuse, it’s important to start recognizing the signs and eventually learn to trust yourself again. According to author and psychoanalyst Robin Stern, Ph.D., the signs of being a victim of gaslighting can include:

  • You constantly second-guess yourself.
  • You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.
  • You often feel confused and even crazy.
  • You’re always apologizing to your partner.
  • You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
  • You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
  • You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
  • You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
  • You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
  • You have trouble making simple decisions.
  • You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
  • You feel hopeless and joyless.
  • You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
  • You wonder if you are a “good enough” partner.

If any of these signs ring true for you, give us a call at 1-800-799-7233 or chat with us online from 7 a.m.-2 a.m. CT. Our advocates are here to support and listen to you.

http://www.thehotline.org/what-is-gaslighting/

Mumma Mia.. Dungeons…. and More European Dungeons…. biting my hand off…


Hi Candii here,

Okay, I take back that last post and apply this one as my NUMBER 1 BOX TICKER, Mumma, Mia, check these little beauties out…. If your flying to Europe.. hint, hint honey bunny, you have to at least enter at will and check these out….

I suggest a nice spliff before entry and or a trip or two too add… and you are good to go…. wow, these are SIMPLY amazing.. Why doesnt Perth have clubs, dungeons that look like this… oh, if I had money.. I would open up a double story or triple story fun house…..

Call it THE CANDII CLUB, and I would ooooooo don’t get me going…….. okay peeps and those that like the naughty, naughty, check these butts out.. I mean’t shucks, dungeons out…. wowowowowow

Keeping up the Kinky style

Franny (AKA Candii xxx)

 

 

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Enjoy a saucy overnight stay in a seductive sex dungeon

This first-class BDSM apartment is located in the heart of London and offers a naughty escape from the drudgery of city life. This saucy spot is by far one of the best dungeons in London! Hoxton Dungeon Suite is a well-equipped fetish dungeon and play space with punishment rooms, restraints, sex toys, cages and more – each room holds an enticing surprise!  While primarily used for overnight stays, the Hoxton Dungeon Suite is also available for daytime hire for when you fancy a bit of afternoon delight. play space with punishment rooms, restraints, sex toys, cages and more – each room holds an enticing surprise!  While primarily used for overnight stays, the Hoxton Dungeon Suite is also available for daytime hire for when you fancy a bit of afternoon delight. ;)

Place-icon-07-F (3).png Hackney, London, UK

 

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A theatre of desire for BDSM couples

If you’re looking for a kinky city break, look no further than the London Dungeon Hire! Situated in the hip and vibrant East End of London, this multi-roomed sensual play space provides a kinky atmosphere to explore all your fetishes and desires. Sex dungeon hire includes access to an extensive collection of equipment and toys and there is a keen attention to detail, with fetish artwork and erotic sculpture throughout as well as music and lighting that you can control. This BDSM dungeon has been around for more than 25 years so they are experts in offering the very best experience for adults who want to live out their wildest fantasies in one of the oldest and kinkiest dungeons in London.

Place-icon-07-F (3).png Tower Hamlets, London, UK

 

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One of the friendliest sex dungeons in London

The Serpent Rooms in north London is one of the best fetish dungeons around. It is a clean, well-equipped, welcoming play space where you can get down and dirty with you partner (or partners!). Multiple rooms offer different experiences and exclusive use of the entire building ensures total privacy and discretion. If whips and chains excite you, you won’t be disappointed at this London sex dungeon.you partner (or partners!). Multiple rooms offer different experiences and exclusive use of the entire building ensures total privacy and discretion. If whips and chains excite you, you won’t be disappointed at this London sex dungeon.

Place-icon-07-F (3).png Islington, London, UK

 

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Lights, camera, fetish in London’s top BDSM dungeon!

UPDATE: Murder Mile Studio has closed at its current location but they are working on finding a new location The Murder Mile Studio is a real multitasker as it serves not only as a BDSM dungeon for hire but also a fetish photography studio and filming location. The spacious sex dungeon area encompasses an entire floor of the studio and comes fully equipped with spanking benches, bondage chairs, suspension frames, examination tables and a prison cell for those who have been extra naughty. Whether you are a dominatrix who wants some saucy snaps for your portfolio or a disobedient submissive who needs to be punished, you will find it at this sex dungeon in London.

Place-icon-07-F (3).png Hackney, London, UK

 

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Play away in this titillating sex dungeon in London

Hidden behind a discreet entrance, a world of pleasure and pain (the good kind!) awaits you. The West End Dungeon boasts not one, but two fully equipped BDSM dungeons! This isn’t a run-of-the-mill fetish dungeon – it also has an extremely naughty medical room as well as an array of toys to excite and entice. Mistress Gemma or Mistress Vanessa are on hand to show you the ropes and you can hire the rooms by the hour or for overnight stays, depending on how much risqué fun you want. The perfect fetish dungeon and play space to get your kink on!are on hand to show you the ropes and you can hire the rooms by the hour or for overnight stays, depending on how much risqué fun you want. The perfect fetish dungeon and play space to get your kink on!

Place-icon-07-F (3).png Camden, London, UK

 

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Islington’s kinkiest secret sex dungeon

Although located in Angel, it’s fair to say that the what goes on within the Blue Door Dungeon is far from saintly! Both a photographic studio and a kinky space, this hidden gem has a play-zone and chill out area, not to mention a shower room to cleanse yourself after a session of sinning. Adjustable lighting and music will get you in the mood, while overnight hire means the fun can last until the wee hours of the morn’. Indulge all your fantasies in this fetish dungeon heaven!

Place-icon-07-F (3).png Islington, London, UK

 

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It’s elementary my dear Watson

This bespoke BDSM dungeon is located near the stomping grounds of Sherlock Holmes, but it’s likely you’ll be doing investigations of a different nature here… The Hire Dungeon Rental is available for professional mistresses and their slaves as well as couples and provides the perfect adult playground to act out your kinkiest fantasies. The “Torture Chamber” has all the equipment necessary to inflict sweet, sweet pain while the “Mistress Boudoir” is a sensual space within this raunchy fetish dungeon to discipline disobedient subs. The only mystery to be solved here is how much gratification can you stand? Find out for yourself in this pleasure-packed sex dungeon in London.

Place-icon-07-F (3).png City of Westminster, London, UK

 

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Indulge yourself in a luxury fetish dungeon experience

The Luxury Central London Dungeon does what it says on the box! This fully equipped, well-managed BDSM dungeon and play space is perfect for pro-dommes or adventurous partners who want a bit of kinky fun in a sex dungeon in London. A discreet entrance ensures privacy while the myriad of bondage equipment, dungeon furniture and sex toys will get your blood pumping. Complimentary latex gloves, lubricant, condoms wipes and towels will keep you safe and clean and a shower is available if things get really down and dirty.

Place-icon-07-F (3).png Camden, London, UK

 

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Storm the Bastille – a sex dungeon for all your kinky desires

The Barnet Bastille is a fetish dungeon and saucy play space for kinky couples, professional mistresses, photographers and small groups who want explore their naughty side. Resident house mistresses have an arsenal of toys at their disposal and they won’t hesitate to put the canes, floggers, nipple clamps or gags to good use. Not just a sex dungeon, the Barnet Bastille also holds monthly BDSM events and fetish parties so there are more ways than one to have some naughty fun.

Place-icon-07-F (3).png Barnet, Hertfordshire, UK

 

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Find sexual sanctuary in this fetish dungeon in London

The London Retreat is no ordinary escape from city life… Once you pass through the unassuming doors of this sex dungeon in London, prepare to be tempted, tantalised and teased by mistresses who are experienced in meting out pleasure and pain in equal measures. With a king size bondage bed, St Andrew’s cross, gym horse, medical examination chair, clamps and a full range of implements, this sexy BDSM dungeon has everything you need to bring your most illicit fantasies to life. A happy finish is guaranteed! ;)

Place-icon-07-F (3).png Kensington and Chelsea, London, UK

 

Why do we put labels on sexual roles?


Just because you may classify yourself as a top or bottom, or dom or sub, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a bit of the other during kinky play.

Indeed, Fetish.com says if you scrap the labels and switch things up, sex can be a whole lot more enjoyable…

The terms “topping” and “bottoming” paint service-oriented sex in black and white. They assume that each corresponding party has only one set of interests that don’t extend beyond their role.

Humans, however, are complex, and this is not the case for most people. Can a top love anal stimulation?

Can bottoms enjoy inserting things into their partners’ various orifices? Absolutely, and you don’t need to be a switch to incorporate diverse preferences without compromising the dynamic of a scene.

Getting what you want out of a scene

Our desires can sometimes exist as the opposite of our sexual personae, so it’s important to take them out of the context of a scene for this conversation with your partner(s) or yourself.

Instead, phrase your list of wants and needs with, “I want to receive,” or “I want to give.” The only roles that need to be considered here are whether you are the giver or recipient of the play at hand.

Once you know what specific sensations you and your partner(s) are chasing, you can then decide how you want to switch to give or receive them.

Switch it up: talk about how you want it

For many, sexual preferences are seen in terms of dominant and submissive behaviour, which means that while someone may like to be spanked, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll enjoy a spanking anytime, any place, by anyone.

If someone gets off from being in a position of dominance, then the way they receive a spanking must be done following that preference.

Switch and reverse roles. Woman with collar and chain.
Unleash your sexual desires. Switch up your roles during kinky play.

However, my Dom(me) will punish me if I spank her, but not if I was commanded to do so, especially if she holds my leash as I spank her, or if then I’m spanked in return for not taking her orders correctly.

The above is one example of service-oriented submission, which is a fancy term for doing things to your top from the bottom. The premise of service within the context of power exchange is existing solely to please your Mistress or Master, even though doing so also pleases you.

How can a sub go about initiating?

How does a sub go about anything? By asking permission, of course:

“Sir, may I please insert this toy inside of your butt?”

“You may, but only after getting it nice and wet first.”

How does said sub know their Master enjoys anal play?

They had a very open and clear conversation about what they want to experience before they started playing. During which, there was ample opportunity for the sub to say, “Initiating anal play might take me out of my subspace. Can you command me to use the toy on you instead?”

Get rid of the labels

Spanking is not only for bottoms, and receiving blowjobs is not just for tops. Getting spanked and getting blown are both acts of receipt.

Both require a giver and taker. The versatile aspect of these actions is the motive behind them.

Is Person A receiving a spanking because they were naughty or because they’re demanding one for pleasure?

Is Person B getting blown at their own accord, as a reward for behaving well, or as a means of humiliation?

Beyond the disassociation of behaviour from pre-conceived roles, there lies a broader variety of possible sensations that can be experienced within a power exchange.

Your physical position during a sex act (i.e. top or bottom) does not mandate your status as a Dominant or Submissive, your intent does.

Put differently, taking the act and the role as separate things opens you up to many more possibilities for interesting power play.

Play together.. so you can Stay together…


 

Life is amazing and scary and many, many things the most terrifying moments for me is to be present… Why?

Because of never being able to have the present real.. expectations are never true, the expectations of surprise and happiness taken away within an instance and feeling forever feeling never, ever enough for anyone!

This song I will do anything normally not to listen to it because frankly it means I have to listen and be present and never, ever, ever, be belated… why?

Because it is never, ever, true, it’s made up of dreams, beliefs, that beautiful experience most people get that is called LOVE…

It reminds me of being that little girl at Christmas and my expectations where so pure and that big huge SMILE of thank you.. that I feel loved..

That feeling of Love and Love looking back by just a smile, glance and that most precious feeling of a warm and loving hug.. knowing you are the only thing in the world that matters…

That it me is a dream that one day I had hope would happen to me..

 

Time…….. the beat is like a heart, beating harder, louder, deeper, purer, it has no end and randomly beats when it sees the eyes of the one that it loves and that loves it…

Pure love is my hidden passion where it’s full of smiles, ease, peace, harmony, endless talks about living, loving, seeing, travelling with the earth, growing and forever being real….

Listen to the beat of the song below…. simply beautiful… these words everything I write going forward is how I will write……how I feel….. how I love and most of all how I see things through my own eyes……………… I am me being me there is no reason, why’s, who’s and when’s that is just now………………………………………………………………. x

 

 

 

Beautifully said…….. I want to live gorgeous video of seduction, sexual thirst, hunger, desire and passion………

wicked hot nights sweting, dripping, with panted breaths, longing to hear, feel undressed, skin on skin….

naked and desired….

Now that is how you fuck……

 

Time for me to be me again….. I cannot just be… I require more…that this… don’t you agree…

Mental Abuse – Is ABUSE…


What if I told you that … I also have gone through this feeling of someone making you feel worthless, never feeling your good enough, and it has nothing to do with someone putting their hands on you..

 

Watch her body language

Have you had this done to you like I have ?                     I just told you mine tell me yours?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DjE4gbIVZk

Meet the Former Monk – Jay Shetty!


 

 Hey Candii here,

I love this man Jay, he is absolutely correct, did you know I have actually heard these words before the only difference with Jay is his quirk was that he was a MONK… his words are already being used by many.

This language he is using is perfect but, again we are using this language like I said, his querk is that he was a monk.

Still a brilliant mindset…of many that I know myself.

My vision or how I would love to do it is like this

If we could put together a group of individual uniquely beautiful people who have had life experiences rather than qualifications (qualification is best though I might add) then we would really have an amazing team that can come together with what they have experienced rather than what we have read.

That is my vision.. and so much more… I think that will help those who really do understand how we really trully are in the inside.. rather what society wants us to be.

Have a watch and think about his words… and comment on what I just said..

What if we could change the world what would you bring to it?

I have to say he is so, so interesting and I adore people with mind sets like him he has something different and we need something different…

Listen to him, amazing, Franny (aka Candii) xx

 

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Jay was named in the Forbes 30 Under 30 have a quick read but please watch the video above.

Born and raised in London, Jay was a shy, introverted young boy who always strived to make a positive difference. As a child he was bullied for being overweight and a little nerdy but he never let these experiences affect him. Like any teenager, Jay spent most of those years experimenting with what the world had to offer. Tired of being simply “good,”

Jay’s thrill seeking ventures saw him get suspended from school on multiple occasions as he tried to find his identity. He lost two of his best friends when he was 16, one in a car accident and the other due to gang violence. These tragic events really made him reflect on what a blessing life is and he felt the need to find deeper purpose and meaning.

You can’t be what you can’t see.

After meeting a monk when he was 18, Jay started redefining success for himself. He now wanted a life of service, impact and passion as opposed to money, fame and power. After graduating with a 1st class BSc (Hons) Degree in Behavioral Science from Cass Business School, inspired to make a difference in the world, at 22 he went to live as a monk across India and Europe. He traded his suits for robes, shaved his head and lived out of a gym locker for 3 years.

Waking up at 4am, taking cold showers and eating simply was a daily routine.

Jay meditated for 4-8 hours a day and experimented with various no water and food fasts to train the mind. Often practicing meditation in extreme environments (hot and cold), he learnt ancient practices of breath and mind control. He studied the timeless philosophies and sciences of the east in great depth, focusing on seeing connections and messages for the modern world. Half the day was spent on personal growth and the other on help others. This included everything from personal and collective meditation, study and reflection to teaching and philanthropy. For 3 years, Jay helped build sustainable villages, food programs distributing over 1 million meals per day and coached millennials across the world about consciousness, wellbeing and success.

Moving on from monk life…

Jay moved back in with his parents in London with no money to his name. Having committed career suicide he spent 9 months just updating himself on the world. Jay’s friends from business school began inviting him to speak at their companies as they were undergoing high amounts of pressure and stress.

Jay began sharing…

Insights on productivity and how what he had learnt as a monk could be applied to the workplace. Noticing the world was going Digital, Jay simultaneously went on to become Accenture’s Social Media coach for executives online branding and digital strategy.

Jay’s videos were spotted by Arianna Huffington.

She invited him to be the Host of HuffPost Lifestyle in New York. Jay moved to New York in September 2016. Jay moved on from HuffPost to create his own viral video agency and grow his brand. He now works with the biggest brands in the world. He has been invited to keynote at leading companies including Google, L’Oreal, Facebook, Coca Cola, HSBC, EY, Microsoft and Accenture. In 2016 he won the ITV Asian Media Award for Best Blog and came 3rd in the Guardian Rising Star Award in 2015.

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Play together.. so you can Stay together…


 

Life is amazing and scary and many, many things the most terrifying moments for me is to be present… Why?

Because of never being able to have the present real.. expectations are never true, the expectations of surprise and happiness taken away within an instance and feeling forever feeling never, ever enough for anyone!

This song I will do anything normally not to listen to it because frankly it means I have to listen and be present and never, ever, ever, be belated… why?

Because it is never, ever, true, it’s made up of dreams, beliefs, that beautiful experience most people get that is called LOVE…

It reminds me of being that little girl at Christmas and my expectations where so pure and that big huge SMILE of thank you.. that I feel loved..

That feeling of Love and Love looking back by just a smile, glance and that most precious feeling of a warm and loving hug.. knowing you are the only thing in the world that matters…

That it me is a dream that one day I had hope would happen to me..

 

Time…….. the beat is like a heart, beating harder, louder, deeper, purer, it has no end and randomly beats when it sees the eyes of the one that it loves and that loves it…

Pure love is my hidden passion where it’s full of smiles, ease, peace, harmony, endless talks about living, loving, seeing, travelling with the earth, growing and forever being real….

Listen to the beat of the song below…. simply beautiful… these words everything I write going forward is how I will write……how I feel….. how I love and most of all how I see things through my own eyes……………… I am me being me there is no reason, why’s, who’s and when’s that is just now………………………………………………………………. x

 

 

 

Beautifully said…….. I want to live gorgeous video of seduction, sexual thirst, hunger, desire and passion………

wicked hot nights sweting, dripping, with panted breaths, longing to hear, feel undressed, skin on skin….

naked and desired….

Now that is how you fuck……

 

Time for me to be me again….. I cannot just be… I require more…that this… don’t you agree…

An old friend has visited me again!


 

The Sound of Silence what that means to me… is this

Nothing in the world is more isolating that lonliness within your soul which I have known this feeling and it seems to love to creep up on me when I least expect it too.

The tears that I have wept so many times in my past that would make yourself want to cry it’s a feeling that most of those who have lost so much and never seem to have enough air to breath in themselves.

It’s when you just want to let go of yourself and jump off something very high and savour that feeling of freedom as you drop to your death.

It’s when you revisit places that you never thought you would go back too and that to me was the last thing I ever wanted to do again..

You see my past is where I would like it to stay and to go back was the last thing I wanted to do.. but, for some reason to grow you have to?

I don’t get it…

When I say my friend has come to visit me again .. that isnt a good thing.. that is the end of a good thing for me…

Remember sometimes we cannot fix everyone… I said that to a friend once I wish he listened to me… I wish I listened to me…

Life is about living not about going backwards and visiting the devil that made you cry we live in such a materialistic world of proving the whys, the hows, the what ifs, and still we want more from each other…

Just be you, that is all you can be… you see, why would you want others to go through what some of us went through?

For me it was like meeting the devil and him holding me down and never letting me go… so, let me go, why do you not believe those precious things I told you.. why didn’t you love me the way I loved you…

That is what this song means to me……

If I could erase you all from my mind I would … Eternal Sunchine of the Spotless Mind…

 

And if you have watched this movie you will know that even if I had my memory erased there are some I could never erase from my heart… 

 

Imagine a Club a Secret Club – would you go?


A Club only open to those that prefer to be Exclusive, to Private Individuals..

A Club that you know is so private that you if you spoke about it and the Club found out that you disclosed what occurs in the club you would be banned for life!

This club is by invite only and has the best of the best for all couples, singles a Club that invites only those that have the it factor…..

 

  • Would you go?

  • And Why would you go?

  • Would that interest you?

 

 

Dress Code

We would like to see you dress as though you were going out to an upscale restaurant or nightclub. For the guys, this could mean a polo, button-down or casual shirt or designer t-shirt with slacks or nice jeans and some men prefer to wear a jacket.

We ask that the guys do not wear work jeans, sports shoes, flip flops, jerseys, oversized clothing, baggy shirts, shorts or ball caps please.

For the ladies, anything from a semi-formal, casual or party dress or a sexy outfit is fine. Beach attire is not allowed. Workout shoes, athletic shoes, rubber or plastic flip flops are not allowed.

Dressy sandals are ok.

Some women prefer to wear lingerie.

Fetish, leather, and gothic wear are always welcome! Dressing in theme can also be fun!!

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