Lets reframe with my vulgar language this will happen from time to time as I understand, grow and learn how to use better language in expressing my Disgust about how Triggers, effect me when they hit.. (so please excuse me I really do not mean to be so rude…ok, perhaps I do, but, you know what I mean)
I will be sharing my experiences of my own triggers how to understand them, realise you are not alone in this strange way of trying to understand yourself
We are human and trauma on top of being us makes us feel like a elephant that decided to sit on our heads because he/she wanted too… RIghtO Heffa!
Well, I am going to share with you mine.. please, please know that I only do this because I want to help you .. and if we do not share our feelings of crap, whatever you wish to express your mental bullshit illness that is.. then you express it..
I give you permission…… yeah, right.. me give you.. oh never mind… read it please you nut bags…
Lovely people.. this may take some times….heheheh joking
Firstly lets talk about how I am triggered.. and how this could help you see familular characteristics like me (god help you) with how to recognise them.
This is my trigger this week that ended up today… more so…
- run down
- didnt take my menopause tablets
- didnt complete my assignments for study (result I punish myself)
- Felt ugly
- House was unclean
The above are only just a few that affect most of us, sometimes if we really are low, and close to triggering.. or I will call it “one more shove over the cliff, I am ready about now”.
Without us even realising it we are already there with uncertainty about how we feel about ourselves.
For me it was not enough I felt those above I had to punish myself further by:
- Feeling unworthy
- Unloved and not worth anyones time of day
- Why is he with me?
- Why do I feel after 20 years that he loves me (what was I thinking … if true you will die a painful death i not … love you)
I will dictate that better later… in other words when you love something or someone so much and it’s pulled away by making you feel unworthy it is like a sword that has driven deeply into your heart and without you even being aware every time someone hurts a person when they would never hurt anyone it damn well rips your guts out and makes you feel less than human…. that is what my feel was when I lost my son to bitter, angry, unwarranted and bastard like bullshit …
Golden rule parents…. Never use your children as a tool against each other, because trauma also occurs when we love our parents!
As we all know and if we don’t then we should understand this – Children blame themselves and parents blame each other.. why because we a selfish individuals when we fight over money and things.. (remember that)
When your body is telling you something stop and go over it and over it until you hear something simular and that could be a single sentence that is repeated but your brain still has a hard time in registering it… it’s like a slow boat or perhaps better said, when everything slows down so much that you feel like your a record being held against playing a beautiful song…
- Remember boys and girls when you are run down, tired, not feeling well, in my case lack of energy, sore lower back made me feel yuk right, then I slowly start to have the energy to understand “hang on.. why am I feeling this way and suddenly I have this boost of energy again… however, as I am run down I don’t retain this thought.. and back to lack of energy…
To understand you.. and how this works you must understand and allow yourself to be brave and put yourself out there.. I guess.. I must, must be very, very Clear when I say this… Mental Illness isn’t your fault…. ok…..
I will say it again….
MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT YOUR FAULT……..DID YOU HEAR ME?????
I AM SAYING THIS LOUDER, MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT YOUR FAULT… DID YOU HEAR ME??
ALL TOGETHER NOW, MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT MY FAULT…. GOT IT… FAR OUT GOOD..ssheeeeeeeeeeeeeesh how hard… oh never mind.. moving on..
So, please read the above only those who get it will understand it… and those who understand it will eventually get it…
A quote by me……. When you share your fears, loves, happiness after trauma, be sure those we share these beautiful things is a compliments because we care and love you all.. so never ever take that for granted… that is a Pure beautiful gift we give but, only to those that get us…
And for those who I now understand…… I will going forward do my utmost best to work it out myself without putting too much on those that care deeply and because those chosen few (lucky those few) I thank you with all my heart.. and understand if you hesitate in picking up that phone.. bastards….. I get it… thank you xxx
btw GET YOURSELF A JOURNAL BECAUSE YOU MUST EITHER WRITE IT DOWN OR HAVE THE GUTS TO TELL OTHERS LIKE ME…
To get here you should applaud yourself, it is very brave, of you to care about you.. and that is okay to do this….. never ever ladies and gents think you are alone..
I am swimming sometimes and drowning the next but, it does get better with understanding, and giving yourself a bloody pat on the back for being YOU……
Thank you and if you wish to comment, abuse , agree, disagree, and even share your experiences I will adore you because you may end up helping ME too..