Relationships MindSets…STOP the Bullshit and Start the GOOD SHIT!!


Disconnecting yourself by denying that it is possible to allow yourself to be Free of Fear…

This is about being present, talking about ones self by only using honesty and trusting your self firstly by letting go of past issues and trusting those chosen few that have been beside you still now.. bella, chino, the homeless person down the street… 

I believe in many, many things recently however, I wanted to share with you what I mean by letting go and trusting yourself and those who you allow to be in your life.

This post is about letting go of experiences that hurt you, that really truly tested your soul and could have made you do or perhaps stop you from living a life without regret.

I hope and with time I know as everyday my life is either struggling with issues or perhaps it is like a clear sunny day, I will not lie to you as I believe in being honest about me and how I see things going forward of course everything in life is never that set so I will say it better nothing has been mapped out so I am very aware that the future is much more open to experiences.

Imagine being Free of Fear.. Imagine trusting others is possible…

We repeat because new wiring is being planted into your brain and you are opening up areas that make you see life with a more free, loving, trusting nature… and that is amazingly brave of anyone to even think, feel or do such things…

Trauma, is a major problem in our society and will always be present unfortunately, however, we all are survivors and never, ever victims this is important for you to understand…

Without help some trauma victims never regain from that black pit of ourselves because our negative heaviness is so massive our minds cannot feel, see it , understand it or even put the damn thing in a sentence all because of this moment in your life that hurt you, made you feel betrayed and ashamed it was such a negitive drain that it wired it like lead into your mind and to remove it is like someone getting a saw and hacking at your thoughts and feelings just to help you see differently…

Your life is prescious, so DO NOT, allow your attackers to disable your future going forward…

For the last few years I have to say I have a mixed bag of emotions, mainly because that as a married couple with no children however, we do have these two gorgeous 4 legged hounds.. Bella and Chino, who reflects both personalities..of myself and my husband… however, he is definitely their favourite!

Anyway, our journey has taken us many beautiful shifting moments and many extremely emotional ones, it has tested us both as a couple, our values, how we work together as a couple, its made me start to have fears this was brought out while we would heat up after a discussion or you could say debate of the passive aggressive….

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However, it seemed to be mainly focused on a few area of my own mortality and this means going back and without me even understanding why to revisit my past… Yipes, many conversations some very funny, which is what I do when I talk about me or anything to do with me really I turn to humour to lighten the mood.. just incase the Volcano of a hidden Country at our home erupts and imploded the neighbours.

No-one is amune to Trauma, Depression, Anxiety even being Fearful…not even you MEN!!!

We noticed that even though I dealt with a lot of my past …. well, I really didn’t and I was a little upset about that I always without thinking give myself a hard time about how stupid, week, foolish, mouth, that I don’t ever make any sense and the language I used to use was too confusing and this made me think that I needed to find out why I had a few areas that annoyed me around speech and other things I noticed I could not face anything that could possibly in my mind hurt me..

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I was frozen solid and fearful of being all those horrid words about by those that I cared about or really thought which was silly but, I do so understand my feelings more now to the why I felt this..

Sometimes life gives us journeys to teach us many factors that we many be struggling with and this follows our path with us as we grow up or get older, or marry, have children and so on…. a friend of mine said, “You know that old story Fifi, if you don’t deal with it head on it will keep reminding you, to do so!”

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Our weekly chats when I was struggling to understand myself and him for that matter it then reared yet again and it would be stronger with a fear factor touch to it and the anxiety, most of all which I really hated the fear of being hurt, unloved, rejected, and not important those words I know are just words but, to me I was scared.. totally petrified that this emotional revoltingness was going to remain and my life that I thought was fine was a mere lie and I was just a joke for someone or others to laugh at when bored.. (see how I worded it revolting that language i used reminding me of those days that I was hurt, so your subconscious mind is so strong it will creep up and bite you on your butt with sharp teeth and deny you of trusting again)

Your subconcious only knows what you told it to know….

This negativity that holds so tightly is only brought up because your subconscious is alarming you of that same feeling and how did that make you feel?

You got hurt, you got drugged, you were told by your best friends that you stole money from a business and your felt betrayed, hurt, they made you feel emotions that you never thought they would make you feel so your trust that you had once decreases until you have none for anyone else…

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Even your wife, your friends, family members as well.. I did it.. I am still doing it.. but, you are doing it to you and your making me feel bad because you cannot allow yourself to trust me so you put this doubt in me… and then you are happy again because that feeling of negativity, fear is now passed onto that person you love.. not you…

Teach your subconcious another way to communitcate our Subconcious can be kind too so remember to be kind to you…

Before anyone says this…. it isn’t your fault, it is a wiring bonded emotional neuron that has been wired so solid inside your brain because once … you were hurt, you were betrayed by people who you once loved and held so highly…

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So hopefully Honey, and those that care so much about us it is our turn to try to make sure with each time these emotions arise to recognise them and not get angry at another or fear that area that can bring your emotions down and affect you and those you would rather not affect..

STOP BLAMING others… and start training your brain to trust your positive thoughts…

Trauma and PSTN, both or even Rape are very soul-destroying emotions of deep darkness that I from time to time had and when they appeared they hurt like someone had stabbed me with a sharp knife and twisted it so harshly my gutts right then fell to the floor..

Sounds dramatic I know but, without a word of a lie that is exactly how I felt .. and I knew it wasnt real.. I just never could deal with it because frankly I didn’t have the understanding (tools) to deal with it.. So, I learned to understand them and it made me reflect about areas of my past childhood, young teen, young adult, wife, mother, ex-wife, single mother, and it was so life changing in many events and so damn life destroying in other events in my life..

Being nieve and honest people didn’t care about that amazing attribute of others or themselves, even back then when computers just came onto the market we had none of this nonsense about naked girlfriend pics, free naked cams, dating sites wanting to do gang bangs.. this whole world didnt exist yet and that was scared because to be honest we are only talking about 30 years ago maybe to some that alot but it really isnt many years.

Always be real, never lie or fluff up a story this isn’t healthy for you…

What we had been people who would lie to your face, have no remorse and do it again and again, then jealousy from girlfriends that thought you didn’t deserve a home because they could not think past themselves by saying that they did and I didnt…

Or Friends who promised the world and gave nothing but, decent, lies, dishonesty, and fraud and pulled you in with them because they wanted your money not YOU…

We should never deny ourselves of anything that will test your beliefs and test your boundaries because this my dear readers is the best parts of honesty..

It was such an enormous disappointment after disappointment I was shattered, I was just about done until I entered the twightlight zone of “How the fuck I ever got into bad situations over and over… anyway..  sorry went over board with this thought..

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Get back on track…. So, my entire wiring was really not correct everything I believed in wasnt true and I felt guttered and alone… and even this made me feel these things it actually amazing to be able to have feelings after years of trauma that I went through..

Why would you say… the opposite of the truth just because of an insecurity of something that you have never felt before?

I said, Wow, that feeling of joy I was happy to feel… that felt truly happy and so thrilled that feeling that I had not felt in such a long time came back.. and I smiled..

So journeys are helped by your dearest partner mine is my hubby, and his dearest afar friend who was a bit of a wiz on PTSD, shhh even though he refused to admit that I heard him many times denying that factor.

Imagine, your life going forward with a better sunset this can be done… You can do it… If I can you can…

Why on earth would you deny yourself, your family, your loved ones of experiencing love or emotional calmness … just because you cannot understand another persons feelings..

If you do not have empathy of another and only yourself…then I am sorry.. this is not a good emotion to feel and you need to deal with this non emotion that your feeling but, denying yourself and those you care about by saying NO or I don’t understand you.. or your thoughts…

We all do it .. we protect ourselves so severe that we forget that … that is the Nasty illness you are allowing this illness to spread into your mind and beliefs by denying any thoughts of that make you feel insecure of yourself..

If you wish to live a happy life full of endless moments you need to let go of your doubts, and allow yourself to feel those feelings that made you feel hopeless, sad, fearful, suisidal.. there is another way to live your life healthier..

 

If you don’t let go..and spread this disease to those that you care about just because for that instant you doubted your existence or your ideal, power, alpha or even your ego that obviously is still very present at a later part of your life.. to make such a toxic aura around you…

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If you do not deal with your own past or the reasons why you felt that way and denied another to have feelings by stripping those traumatic episodes by using that language and understanding that crippled her I believe that this then turns into a thoughtless, heartless game play of using a powerful trigger by making another feel less that you feel about yourself…

The payback is devastating ….why you become a numb person and you do it and deny it over and over .. you are amune to seeing anything other than that perfect safe place you hold so closely all.. because it made you upset and it made you feel something you didn’t want to feel…

We fear things that we don’t understand,we fear those hurt moments as a child and crying alone by yourself asking what you did so wrong to those that you love..

 

We turn to people you trust and they lie and make you the BAD PERSON, and this negativity grows and so does your walls of denying yourself of a happy beautiful life all because of something, someone did to you once upon a time, many years ago and it made you feel worthless, this can eat your life up and it will destroy you and those souls that love you so very much!!

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It did me, at times that feeling comes back by silly remarks of people who are in that same boat of denial… and it feeds like a disease that is so toxic it will kill you, it will make you want to kill yourself, isolate yourself, it will make you angry, make you say things that you normally would not say to one another…

Our brains only know what we believe in and what is surrounded by us…. so if we are around parents that fight, well, in time you will at one point use that same language and behaviour, or if a loved one broke your heart , stole money from you or you were accused by your friends, and those you trusted that you stole from them..well, what do you end up doing…..

Your wiring of your brain is corrupted with doubt, fear, denial, jealousy, trust, belief of the truth of others and you will only recall .. those moments that will drag you back to times when you could justify your wiring that is so damning to your soul that your life going forward..

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Never give up… you deserve to live a full life no-one has the right to take this away from you… NO ONE!!!

1 time my darlings… 1 time… this is it………………for me if I cannot at least give myself a little bit of freedom of not feeling like someone is going to kill me, hate me, betray me, then I never, ever learned and I will be nothing but, unhappy and stuck in feeling a deep sadness of never believing in me and those that kill themselves to have you with them…

I felt a loss within myself for such a long time and I even wanted to fall asleep and never wake up..  Those emotions are unhealthy and can and will kill you … So let me help you… You are not alone, trust me…

We all are together… so let’s find a new wiring and trust those souls that we put all this effort and love and funny moments with bloody, swet and moans…

Give yourself a go.. and let this shit go…………………….and LIVE it ….. email me if you require help and I will be happy to find it for you….

https://www.facebook.com/groups/the3wishes/

Many thanks and much love to my husband Courtney, because without you my darling, our beautiful, tragic, uneven with moments of endless loving I could never live my life fully without you beside me..your wife xxx

Categories: Owner of The Candii ClubTags: , , , ,
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