Never ever again….Looking up at this picture going why_o_why????

This was last weeks rant (forgot to post this one) – when In  Men-o-pause – their shall be crazy women running around with their hands fluffing around up in the sky …oh dear…

People are just so frustrating what does it take to be present or for others just to get it… me included.. these days like most who have Meno-o-pause we seem to go passive, medium to over the top with our craziness and then suddenly like a strike of volatile lightening it lands on our Earth with a huge crack!

Now do you think anyone would get out of their beds to see what that huge, load crack was NOPE…

Why?

Because really its many reasons they could be it’s because we are warm, deaf, blind, scared stiff waiting for the aliens to eat up (OMG…. WOW, I REALLY RANT ALOT)

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What makes us fear ourselves by opening up to those that you know you trust – can also hurt those that love you…

I understand fear,vulnerability, sadness, loneliness, I try my hardest to stop my triggers, but, when my past hurt is used in a trigger or points all because you’re hurting.. that is just cruel and dirty..

Being powerful isn’t about taking other people’s power of voice away, it’s about tell me you or us a story that is about you… stop justifying and start living..

This is the moment that could be your own and set your life free with those that will always love you , have your back and never hurt you.. this is the only thing that makes me fight.. and I want to stay so stop pushing me away…

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Today I felt very tired, emotionally spent, and I felt my existence is meaningless the reason I felt this is because when you never hear your loved one speak about his true feelings or never brave enough to take that chance with those that love him it really does hurt your heart, soul and makes you feel very isolated.

This is what you don’t do in your little life you have left on this planet…

Communication is a fine art of many skills if someone is challenging you don’t get offended, don’t push them to make them feel that they have to explain again and please don’t disrespect them/her or even him or even them.
It is difficult enough to listen to lies, storeys of humour underlined with a sense of hurt it turns bitchy and the behaviour is then finger pointed to each other, why?
Well, you cannot dictate and sit on your thrown if you are not willing to be polite, honest and never use words to belittle those that really try had to fit into something they really don’t know or ever could see themselves doing.

TO be honest I am over this fake life of bullshit promises of nothing…

It is the most heart reaching, experience and using past trauma events as a tool to put a bullet in your gun is gutless and low.

Even for you….

I am sorry for using horrid words that could potentially hurt you, that has never been my intension but, come on, seriously we are talking about serious decisions and this can potentially ruin us because using humour as a tool to put off serious discussions of how you feel about each other.. this isn’t a game to me… this truly hurts I get so upset deep inside that I feel guilty, for being honest, and hurtful in saying things that you’re not obviously ready to 
I had too I am still trying but, I am very tired of being the bad person that needs to express herself over and over and over with little experience and listening to a smart mouthed educated male who should love openly which I know we all want too..
SO, I STOP, I fear rejection, and justification I don’t agree with this  game playing however, if you feel that you should expect me to play as I am solo and people who have others should be more secure, not sure what security is when others and yourself are being hurt by stupid mindfuck games that people play…
Never use people to benefit themselves that is just a selfish spoilt child not allowing anyone else to share because he/she/him and even them by being selfish and belittling with closing yourself up…
What do you want that will make you feel secure enough to walk a beautiful full journey to perhaps being shocked in a good way that those feared words that once hurt so much doesn’t because those words are all of us saying the same thing…
We are very committed, respect is amazing, if you dare to lower your emotions then you lower those that are on this journey with you….
One person who dictates… me, you, him and them well then either STOP, be nice and stop blaming everything but, you.. because you are talking and saying words that will hinder you..
I sometimes feel so cheap that my existence was so wasted.. how sad is that…. all because of closing up hearts and blaming others for your own hidden hindered emotions that make you feel vulnerable…me vunrable and others thart have hearts vunrable.. all because of what…EGO??

That is bullshit!!!!!images (11)

Horrible place right….. I live them everyday now…. all because I allowed myself to be able to open up… if your saying you don’t know me.. then your presence when you should have been listening to my experiences, been there when i feel to the ground in tears and never ask this to me again it really, makes me feel unloved, and never loved..

But, what did you do…. nothing, nothing ever moves you..why?????

A total waste of time….ME…. if that makes you proud and powerful by making another feel less than… take me out of this circle because frankly, my past trauma was tragic enough this will just kill me…

No-one has that much of a right, feeling, no emotions or even stupidity to allow oneself to be so cruel, full of hate and that much bullshit I cannot even write this to even make sense of nothing in my life thus far makes sense – perhaps my rants makes more sense… than selfish games that men or a male plays to keep on this stupid strings of what he calls love… what a load of shit…..give me strength on who is nice, honest and less full of crap than what I have seen in my exisitance… thus far…

Try walking in my bloody shoes and then you will understand what loss is about…… or perhaps those that give a shit…. so over the fight… not doing this anymore…

Get me out of the madness that has been over my head for that long it is difficult to even see the sky at this moment…20180910_1605583129471168825452145.jpg

You say you don’t want me around, fine… then I will go…. and you can have your precious money, things, clothers, belts, pants, dogs, and everything that you seem to think you gave yourself…

Now I remember why I wrote this now it’s time to go

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