I had a bit of a Blowout today…


thYou see I am trying my hardest to recover from my past Trauma of many, many events that I had seemed to overlooked or I had no idea just how harsh they really made me tear up without me even being aware of why.

Funny, isn’t it how something that hurt you, lamed you and hindered you over many years had such an invisible pull on this girl of 5ft’4 ratbag Italian/Irish chick of 50 years.

I was such a girl full of wild all eyes wide open so to speak, I still do by the way I have this appetite of nothing bothers me kinda spirit, however, it does, but, I only want to experience things with decent people who are similar to my like.

I will explain why…I have always been very social I adore people I mean no harm towards anyone really I don’t I am a big softy but, I will defend my dear loved ones even if I have to throw myself under a bus to protect them.  I guess the reason is they my husband a  few very (poor things) gorgeous human beings that I love and I have seen bend over backwards to help, another person and that my friends is enough for me to say hep, however, there is so many other reasons why…

It stems back to having a brother who I still adore and cherish, he does have a disability but, he will go up to the biggest bully and at least try to friend him… I love that about him, annoying but, I do say to myself, fair enough I will raise my eyebrows and go woah.. gutsy…39352800_287197282071199_6664480631281418240_n

However, as my life grew away from our local area his sister (me) could have done with a bit of a bully boy to help me through my path of life as a Single mother as you girls will know that is a tough gig and there are arse holes out there willing and waiting for something like us to mosey on by… right?

Anyway, enough of that I survived with many bruises and I had thought I dealt with many which I had.. so pat, pat for me..but, as my curiosity and my wild spirit of wanting to experience things with my husband well, it has been taxing on both of us if not others.. very sorry but, I had no idea..

I knew I had a very deep low feeling that sometimes I would sit and all of a sudden tears would pour out of my eyes and I was suddenly feeling sad, upset and heavy like someone had sat on my head… Another trigger was this “tunnel vision” I could not for the life of me as time went by the turnaround or go around my own home just in case…. I guess..

However, I found out it was a little different really it was more about a very clever and respectful subconscious that decided to peer its little sassy head into my head (me) and say you’re not ready and neither is your husband…1521830997_life-quotes-inspiration-30-inspirational-quotes-for-the-women-who-are-strong-at-heart-trend-to-wear

Shhh, well, he may not agree with him being put in that sentence but, Now I am angry at him because he’s annoying and a pest because he knows how easy it is… but, the smart alec won’t help ….. asshole…love him but, still grrrrr…

Anyway, I have been a tad overbearing with my dogs… sorry Bella and Chino, oh yes and my husband… and other… lol… woops… well, until he says anything I am stuck so take it out on him….No means No… and I get that…   (oh, yes that was Trauma that is seeping into my membrane) it will be out soon.. I guarantee.. even if I have to implant my Minions myself…. into my nose …. that is stupid.. but, that is what PTSD is people…

Bloody hell, indeed, however, I get his point more than he knows and to be perfectly honest putting my thoughts, feelings (new neurons are forming) damn it… I am now dealing with being a smuck… of a feeling mother of god…

So, at the moment I will do my best to deal… and I guess feel … joking ..sort of and I will explain to my husband and those that are close to us … well, actually that isn’t many anymore… which is a problem our circle is slightly off centre…

I am trying to be the best person I can be walking forward and that is okay…. I am extremely happy however, I am also trying to rid a cancerous malignant enemy that hurt me so I will update you all about that another time..

It is amazing that being hurt, fearing something that was so long ago shouldn’t make you disabled.. but, unfortunately, lovely people it will if you don’t deal with you…

Many blessings… Franny xx

 

 

Categories: Beautiful girl, Owner of The Candii ClubTags:

3 comments

  1. Sweet, kind, and loving Franny Hugs 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you Jack, Today was a little lonely and a little down I guess x

    Liked by 1 person

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