They say we all can turn it on, off, but do you think Spontaneous sex is best or do you think we should plan ahead?
Well, I love to be Spontaneous however, if it means I am putting on something sexy, hot, less is best kind of lingerie hotness, then yes, I need to put on a spray tan, hair, wax and shave and all those wonderful things girls love to do to be as hot as I can..
So, what does that mean?
Yes, it means Planning… for that hot sensual, passionate, erotic, hot panting, electric, energy meeting each other in the middle of the night kind of sex…
Yuppers, yes, please PLAN AHEAD..
In fact, my husband and I always say “Let’s plan”, we really need to plan, right!
So, husband, playmate, naughty man of mine… let’s plan, book a place near the water…OCEAN …. so miss the beach…. a few days in a huge house (AIRBNB always check for hidden video cameras)
The Science Behind Sexual Satisfaction
According to a study published in The Journal of Sex Research, people who plan ahead report being more sexually satisfied than those who take a more laissez-faire attitude to get laid.
Psychologists at Ruhr University Bochum in German surveyed 966 couples about the quality of their sex lives and their personality traits.
They found that conscientious people benefited from higher sexual fulfilment and suggested that these people may benefit from longer, more fulfilling romantic partnerships. Setting time aside for intimacy could also contribute to better communication without judgment, they suggested.
Here are a few tips to help plan intimacy (and have!) better sex:
Schedule a Date
I know, a lot of people believe scheduling a date kills all spontaneity. You plan doctor’s appointments, work meetings and happy hour with friends. Why not plan intimate time with your partner? Think back to the early days of your relationship for a second. You made plans, got dressed up and most certainly looked forward to time with your partner. I’m guessing most nights ended with sexy time, right? That build-up over dinner and a mad make-out session in the parking lot probably led to sex later at home. Bring back the (sex) date night. If you put time on the calendar to enjoy your partner, it’s hard to imagine that not having a positive impact on your relationship.
Keep It Simple
You don’t have to carve out hours on end or a plan a big, elaborate date to spark your sexual connection. Sure, it’s nice to go out for dinner or on a day trip, but if you hold out to make all the bells and whistles happen, you may miss out on some quick, fun and low-key sexy opportunities. There’s something to be said for staying in bed an extra 30 minutes or scheduling a nooner.
Sometimes, scheduling things allows for plenty of build-up to the main event. There can be long spells between dates with me and my partners. I love the flirty back and forth in between. When we finally do get to meet, I’m hot, bothered and ready to go. We may only meet for a short date once a month, but even a few hours of togetherness leaves me looking forward to the next time.
Check Your Expectations
Be flexible with your expectations. If your scheduled sex date isn’t everything you hoped it would be, that’s OK. Just do your best to show up and focus on sensual pleasures in whatever capacity you can.
Make It a Regular Thing….HELL YES!!!!
Here’s one of the many magical things about sex:
- The more you have it, the more you want it. If you make sex a consistent priority, it should only beget juicier sexual energy.
- As far as I’m concerned, you’ll never regret kissing, touching or having more intimacy – whatever that looks like – with a partner.
If You Don’t Use It, You’ll Lose It
Sure, we can all use the, “I’m too busy” excuse. I understand.
I overcommit just as much as the next person.
The problem is that a lot of couples fall into the fatal habit of putting everything else before their sex life.
Like, it’s going to wait in the wings forever for just the right moment to make an appearance.
That’s not how it works. If you let your sex life deteriorate, it takes time to rebuild it. Even if you can’t give it your full attention, it needs some nurturing.
If you love your partner, even kissing or touching your partner with some regularity will increase your intimacy.
I find that when my partners and I engage in consistent physical touch, we are more likely to want sex.
Shift Attention When It’s Needed
If you’re having sexual issues within the context of your relationship, it can be helpful to re-prioritize your personal needs and interests, at least temporarily, and give some extra love and attention toward areas that need help.
So maybe the thought process behind spontaneity and a kick-ass sex life is backward?
Perhaps, by scheduling sex dates, you create dedicated time where you can be as spontaneous as you’d like within a set time frame?
And maybe, just maybe, when it comes to having good sex, those with the best-laid plans finish first.