A husband’s journey from husband to Dominant.
Little Kaninchen is completely naked with her wrists cuffed and clipped together. A rope is attached to the clip and running through a Shibari ring fastened well above her head.
As I pull the rope through the ring I strike link in the face beside her right eye, with the tail of the rope I am using to bind her during our D/s scene.
I immediately feel dreadful because of my carelessness.
I rub her cheek and say, “I’m sorry, are you alright?”
She doesn’t respond but I can see that I have not caused her any actual harm.
I continue and finish what I was doing and, unimaginably, I do it again.
The rope hits her right in the same exact place on her face. Without hesitation, I apologize again.
“I’m so sorry honey, I promise I will be more careful.”
This was the scenario during our last BDSM scene.
Everything was going just fine until my carelessness really disrupted our D/s roles.
More accurately, I departed from my role as a loving Dominant; LK was already well into our D/s scene and was unfazed by my actions.
Every time after one of our D/s scene’s I ask LK what she liked about the scene as well as what she didn’t like about it.
We consider this time of discovery as part of our downtime. Honestly, her criticism is what I am searching for.
Maybe I ask about what she enjoyed the most in regards to our D/s scene just to stroke my ego.
After all, I was there, I could tell when her body was quivering uncontrollably or when she couldn’t even utter out a coherent word. It’s the what could have been the better part that I need to know to continue to grow as a loving Dominant, it is crucial to my development.
Set your ego aside before asking your submissive such a question because it will get bruised just a bit.
Your submissive is not trying to hurt you and she certainly isn’t complaining, remember you asked. Man up! Your submissive is only following orders from her Dominant.
After this particular D/s scene, when I asked LK for her feedback during our downtime, she said, “What was with the apology?”
This incident had happened at the beginning of our BDSM scene regarding the rope striking her face. I honestly had to think hard about what she was referring to.
Then it came to me, all of it.
LK wasn’t physically or psychologically injured by any stretch of the imagination. She was deep into the experience and what was happening to her at the moment of my carelessness during our D/s scene.
My submissive hardly recognized the fact that I had done anything wrong at all, not just once but twice. It was absolutely nothing to her.
My apology was all about me.
When the incident took place I could discernibly see that my submissive was unaffected by the rope.
I recognized MY mistake and wanted her to know that it was accidental, that I recognized that I had made the mistake and that I would be more careful in the future. Again, it was all about me…
Reflecting on what happened during our D/s scene, I realize that my actions, while a mistake, required no apology to my submissive.
I could clearly see that I had caused my little kitchen no harm at all. She was uninjured and definitely wanted to continue with our D/s scene. Breaking the scene that moment by apologizing was an even bigger mistake.
Next time I will simply stop what I am doing for a second, look her in the eyes, gently touch her cheek to acknowledge what has happened and continued the scene; no words were spoken.