Everyone has their own fantasy world built up in their head of exactly what they think the opposite sex want.
For women it’s easy.
You want a man who’s handsome, funny, rich, kind, gentle, rich, loving, devoted, rich, authoritative, humble and heir to the throne of Dreamland with abs you could crack a walnut on and a penis that’s ‘just right’ whatever the hell that means.
Usually ‘big’, which is equally unhelpful personally, if he has any idea I am sure whatever he does with his penis it will be brilliant!!
Size does not matter right, get that straight man, not all women are size queens…
For men, though, it becomes harder as we are sucked into all sorts of equally fantastical and often bizarre stereotypes that make us out to be anything from rudimentary cavemen after nothing but a quick shag to sophisticated Renaissance Man with a dalliance for aesthetic and cultural development with little interest in sex or eroticism at all.
Men are more down-to-earth than women.
I’m not saying we don’t all fantasize about that stunning brunette on the tube this morning or the supermodel who lives next door (if next door in Italy…).
Of course, we do, we’re just more likely to be thinking about our friend’s sister than Jessica Alba. Some say we think about sex every seven seconds.
I can say that’s probably true if every seven seconds a woman wearing fewer clothes than a Brazilian beach volleyball player walks past.
If you’re sitting in the office between the finance guy whose personality acts more like a black hole for all hope of conversation and the boss who seems like a caricature straight out of Horrible Bosses I can assure you that the last thing on our minds is sex.
There’s a difference between what men want and what men find.
Or are given.
Most men will tell you when you’re sitting calmly at the bar and you point to the cute blonde in the corner with the low-cut top and smudged mascara saying ‘She’s cute,’ that ‘I wouldn’t’ or something to that effect.
However, if said blonde was to stand up, adjust her bra and makeup and walk over to the two of you, look at your friend and say ‘Hi, I’m Jessica,’ you can bet your mortgage that your friend is now interested in her and she has suddenly gone from Jessica Who-Cares to Jessica Rabbit in record speed.
So what is it that makes this woman attractive to us even if we weren’t interested before?
Well, there are a lot of factors but I’m going to focus on one in particular: there’s no fuss. We know the game.
What guys often find unappealing is the tedium of skirting around pleasantries and asking questions, making not just jokes but the right jokes and wandering through a veritable minefield of potential fuss, embarrassment, and headache.
It’s not attractive. If we’re in a bar we’re either there to relax, party or find someone for a naughty night back at our place.
Instead, we find ourselves locked in a labyrinthine battle trying to find and tame the Minotaur and, quite frankly, most of us are spending the time looking at your boobs anyway.
I can hear what you’re thinking.
‘So all men really want is sex!’
What men want when they’re in a bar is sex.
If you want a man who wants nothing but sex, then go to a bar in Central London on a Friday or Saturday night.
Believe it or not, men are more complex than that as well.
Take that same man outside, even then and there, take him outside onto the street and have a conversation and you’ll see an instant shift to more long-term goals like relationships and the like.
Don’t ask me why this is but it is (unless he’s already drunk and one of your boobs is slipping out, in which case yes, it’s all about the sex).
So what’s he looking for if not sex? Surely sex is a part of it?
Yes, sex is a part of it. We want sex just as much as you do but this is only an example of a larger situation.
It’s a familiar story. Women who fancy trying something new, listen to me now. Let’s say you want to try being blindfolded and spanked.
Don’t bother leaving subtle hints, dropping them into a conversation here and there for weeks in the hope that your man will take charge, maybe leaving a blindfold on the bed or closing your eyes during sex.
Trust me, the guy won’t notice.
What he’s looking for is a license to take charge and he’s more than likely going to do what you want and more once he has it.
Just tell him what you want, hold the eye contact and watch the spark ignite. You’ve been warned.
There’s a tendency among guys to be slightly nervous about being forceful or going after what we want in the bedroom because, especially if you’re a bigger guy (strength more than anything), you think you may accidentally cause unwanted harm.
Maybe your man’s fetishes and fantasies are more about dominating or being dominated, which can be a difficult thing to fulfill without a cogent understanding.
Once you’ve been given license by someone, whether it’s a long-term relationship or the cute blonde you met in the bar earlier, you’re away.
It could be exceedingly kinky.
Most men will be curious enough to try it at least once – everyone’s watched that video or had that fantasy and men are generally open to a hell of a lot.
Just tell us what you want up front and bluntly.
So here’s the big secret.
Here’s what men really want.
What men want is a woman who knows what she wants and who doesn’t feel nervous or shy about telling us.
If you want sex, tell us.
If you want a relationship, tell us.
If you want a quickie in the park, tell us.
There’s a trend here.
Once we’ve been told what you want we can’t wait to give it to you, just expect a bit of reciprocation as well. After all, if I’m scratching your back…