A toxic relationship isn’t always about the relationship it “is” however, about the child who had parents that designed those kids to be.
Abusive parents whether it is about Mum and Dad, it always seems to be taken out on those innocent kids over and over and over again.
If a male is in a family and the father isn’t present and only the mother is we have a single mum looking after a child that represents or appears to represent a tool for her disappointment of a person who is not present.
If a mother has a disabled child and does not get the help from her partner she feels angry, alone, isolated, she feels exhausted and let down she even feels the most horrid feeling a person can ever feel and that is guilty about giving birth to a child that she never thought would be like that.
However, life is life and it isn’t anyone’s fault but, it is the fault of people surrounded by her that never helped her cope or perhaps never had the tools to help her cope. So, as she is sitting there year after year trying to be strong along life’s path another child comes and there isn’t anything wrong healthy and happy.
Years go by children become children and the mother still sits alone with underlining issues of guilt and suppressed anguish she then starts to lash out her hostility, her anger, her inbuilt rage of disappointment at the mere child that is trying to be the best they can be.
We then have another area of a cheating husband who made a mother feel less than, turned her into what he wanted her to be invested time in her to take her to parties of the “sharing kind” to justify his actions of cheating. However, what occurs is the same suppressed anger, disappointment, guilt within herself for coming to his ego, his shameful desires and his continual bad behavior all because someone didn’t say STOP!
We are what we are because of how we are raised it is inbuilt in our DND, it is a repetitive behavior that only those that get it can see it as plain as day!
So, when those children grow up they for some reason repeat a bad behavior that a parent instilled within us which could be this:
- A boy grows up in a family built on shameful deceit by either mum or dad, he never has a male role model because he isn’t present and only has his mother who is so broken because her husband cannot stop cheating.
- So, what occurs is her suppressed anger, her feeling of being let down constantly starts to show by her treatment to the boy she had with this man.
- Yelling, screaming, hitting, constant and ongoing abusive all because of the above the husband not being there the mother that never helped her the isolation of not being able to see what is wrong.
Then the boy or girl grows up and becomes reliant on using the same mental abuse that he is accustomed too so they withdraw their feelings, their true selves and look for people that suit their needs by talking to each other and discovering similar alike and very familiar traits.
Your subconscious never forgets trauma, it does many other toxic things as well, it has a very sneaky way of appearing by becoming the mother or the father that they know so very well,
We are a prodigy of our upbringing I am afraid to say those that are not aware look for a partner that will be that parent that abused them mentally and they prod and poke and for some reason they get a fix for a voice that will compensate for their mother or father that did it to them as a kid.;
Another is a child who is tolerant who puts up with bad behavior and thinks she or he can fix it they see it but, there stay and put up with abusive bullshit, all because of their submissive nature.
Men, Women, Boys, and little girls are amazing in a normal happy family, however, in a family that isn’t so normal and happy what do you think occurs?
We never want to say I am this way, we never want to think we are that way, we never think for one moment that we are likes this but, for no fault of our own, we are what we are until we recognize how to stop this behavior within ourselves.
Smart, clever, wise, silent, a protector, a resilient person, a person that loves, a person that is so unsettled, a person that knows how to use behavior but, cannot imagine the destruction of what denial is to themselves and the person that they love.
Friends are interesting we gravitate to listeners, dominant personalities all like-minded people but, we never admit our faults and always blame someone else because we create our own hell or heaven all because of denial or whatever.
We are a product of our environment and the only way we can change is to see ourselves for what we do and say … And, it is easy to see it … however, if you don’t change it you will definitely become it.
However, I think we can change our lives by at least trying to be better and kinder firstly to ourselves and allow those that care for us to understand us by us listening and accepting each other’s love.
We are worth it!
Another thing I must admit here if people cannot change you cannot change them, abusive mental, physical both are as bad so do your best once you recognize it and then when you cannot help them anymore you must leave them because of it isn’t healthy.
So, do your best and if they do not change then do what is best for you.
But, of course I maybe wrong!