Never say anything unless you willing to be real…

We truly never understand ourselves unless we let ourselves go and be real which means to strip away that shield that is set so hard by the baggage of our lives that we have already up to now lived.

People or some people are bogged down by issues that created them by disappointment and many other negative attributes of one’s life by others saying or doing or perhaps not allowing themselves to give enough all because they are scared, stuck, perhaps even selfish or maybe even angry who really knows.

So what is the cost?

Many things could be the cost, as the marriage breakdown, then a normal but painful own self-breakdown, suicide of one’s self due to not being about to cope or having enough help from others, the cost is extremely high if you do not put in the time or at least take some time out to talk to one another.

Well, not allow yourself to open up and hope that for once I wont be hurt by another… for me it is very simple however, harder to explain I look at life with an open book I get angry when those that color my book with the wrong crayons all because they said they are a better quality.

However, what they forget in life is to trust what I say and allow yourself to be open to endless possibilities and they stay in this circle all because they refuse to shift because they want themselves to be pure or true or without a touch of filth.

The fifth isn’t on their hands and I so am sad that a person is so selfish that he would rather risk his dignity to be right, to be without guilt Jesus, just goes to show that I was worth as much to him as a stranger was worth more.

I don’t get it…. flashbacks of hope all I wanted to do is open him up and be free all he wanted to do is close that door and retreat…

Over it is and far away he wins yet again in his shit of baffle… good luck you will need it… I meant nothing?

Or was it that I meant something?

Even the easiest things to answer seems so difficult, shifting, moving and shaping oneself all because of what you believe or perhaps occurred… he says I won’t let go of the past with him regarding blame, yet I did, and said, nothing in the past matters, he still thinks that someone or something is going to blame him.. for what?

We can be open honest and free, however, to some that do not exist we say we want to love and do these wonderful things, however, nothing is ever discussed only decided, he says I love you, I am sure he does and I do too… but, he won’t allow himself an inch of letting himself believe in someone else..

What do you do…?

How do you start?

I am lost in the middle of nothing but, what he thinks is real and what he thinks I do to him… what on earth did I do so badly to this person who would rather believe himself over me who adores and loves him..

Why is it so hard for him to believe in me… all because of his silly nonsense that seems to creep into his veins because for some reason he thinks that I will do something like everyone else has done??

Far out.. me??

Sometimes going back into one’s life is a good thing it will open an understanding that you may never know existed or it might surprise you by seeing something good in it.. or even her.

However, opening one’s eyes may be easy for some… but, for a broken man, I am not too sure… I must admit I am tired but, I just wanted him to discover with me if he trusted me all would be okay.. all he had too do is trust…. me

I just cannot understand why he finds it hard to accept or do anything that is good for him I just try so dam hard and get so damn little

Time to live a life with me… and hopefully he can be free x

Categories: Owner of The Candii Club

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