And One Day She Opened her Eyes and said, Sorry to herself.

Mental Health issues in our Society are extreme and to perfectly honest I believe are uncapped to the point of where to do you start to look.

I believe this because I feel that in my own self and my own Mental Health issues that I seem to have.  I never thought that I would have these problems but, unfortunately, I seem to do for reasons that for the life of me I had no damn idea that even my own issues seem to be more visual than I had originally thought.

I have come along way to understand how my brain is wired and I feel that I am now just beginning to see them it’s a very harsh thing to say to yourself, “why do I think these ways, and how do I fix them”.

For many years I didn’t want to even think about myself as someone that could possibly be suffering from PTSD, in fact, I have avoided it like the plague.

No-one I am afraid can go through as much trauma as I have and not think for one moment that I should be okay with everything that I have either put myself through meaning drugs and alcohol I am trying my hardest to stop putting my head in the sand and start applying a better life to help myself and with me helping myself I will be able to help others “stop”.

All I guess I wanted to do is stop the pain that seems to sit inside my body, my heart and my soul and although it upset’s me as I type this and tell you my story well a little bit of my story I guess it is time for me to get better in a more healthier matter.

Mental Health if not checked and if not looked after by “good therapist”, Doctor, whichever, can help those that require it I must admit it will send you crazy and a little bit loopy, to say the least.

To be present isn’t as easy as most would think it means you have to stand up and say what you feel how it affects you and how it may affect others around you and to be honest it has affected others as well.

Many times I could have opened up and many times I could have been present, however, for some reason inside me I had thought it was about others standing up, I thought I was sick of me the one who was either at fault, or perhaps I wanted someone else to tell me something I wanted to hear and no-one ever did or was going too.

That hurt me so much I wanted to scream and even though it tears me up saying that it is exactly how I felt at the time.

This is what I wanted to say:

  • “Why is it always me being hurt, hit, bashed and made to feel that I was nothing to anyone”.
  • “Why can’t for once in my life someone else says it’s okay I am here to help you”
  • “I am not facing you, why should I ?” or 
  • “If you love me so much then why do you treat me like this?” or 
  • “Why should I even care if you don’t” 

And this is what I knew deep in my heart but, my feelings were numb and my eyes were blinded for so long EVEN I could not allow myself to see anything good, fun, spirited and adventurous like I used to do.


So many more above I could list but, I won’t list them because it really isn’t important, however, it is important to write about it to others that do suffer in silence.

You must remember that if you cannot help you, no-one is going to do it for you so please know that if you do not help you to get well then how the hell is someone else going to help you get better.

Here is a link I want to share with you – his suffering is different but, in all, we are the same everyone who suffers from Mental Illness, trauma and many other types like PTSD, we all suffer in silence…


Because we never knew we where sick!

So, I am sorry to myself for being so blinded in so many areas of my life and for the others well, that isn’t for me to share on here with you.

Thank you for listening and think about it.. because there are many that never tell this about themselves until it is too late.

Here is a man that I wanted to share with you, he has approved for me to share his story it is worth watching and of course, commenting or at least share it to other people who you might know that has an issue like him.

Categories: Owner of The Candii ClubTags: , , ,


  1. Thanks for link and sharing of my story, and you are 100% correct in saying, some people never know they are sick ( I didn’t for years) I was one of the lucky ones who finally realized that I had a problem. (actually 2 problems, addiction and mental illness) Alot of people who never fully realize they are sick, or who never get proper access to the help they need, go through unnecessary mental torture. While the mental heath system has made a lot of advancements, there is a lot of work still to be done! Thanks for keeping the conversation alive!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The hardest thing i have found hun is to be present its not as easy as most think . You will notice posts i will delete because i feel so embarrassed and so ashamed at the time and then when strong enough i will post them up again.. my family anfkd my pride are entwinded its hard very hard, but i hope with time it will be better and me a bit more or alot more stronger x


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