I can do many things in my life which I am thankful but, I cannot have one night stands, (which I wouldn’t anyway) I cannot do strangers even if I was with a boyfriend or husbands kinky thoughts….. however, if maybe I got to know them this could be a possiblility if we did go down a kinky path together as husband and wife..
So, for me deep connection and trust I guess a level of something that matters, rather than it doesnt…. it is important due to the story your about to read.
I don’t limit myself but, what I do is I learn by my experiences and better myself by understanding that if I did I “could potentially trigger” a trauma, so I shared this with my partner just in case we did meet them and told him not too ever do this to me…
You must understand this relates only to (the possibility of us ever having another person in our sexual life male or female) the reason is I knew that I would end up totally losing it and potentially losing us as a couple I just could never allow this to occur…
You must remember Triggers are part of a traumic experience that put you in danger like this experience did with me.. I was lucky and unlucky there is more to this story when I returned home in panic and as I was so damn tired I walked into a empty shared house and feel onto my bed and fell asleep.
Unfortunately, when I woke my friend of over 15 years was in my bed uninvited and he seemed to think it was okay to get into my bed and start to do what most should ask before doing this woke me to a horrific paniced shattered look of fear on my face I could not push this male off me so I screamed at him as said, loudly, I was raped last night, get the fuck off me, which he did, and he ran quickly out of the room.
I was totally beside myself with grief and as I tried to get to my feet my entire body feel like a dead weight onto the floor as I lost my legs I started to uncontrollably sob my eyes out into the carpet with shame, grief, fear, every emotion a girl could feel I did that morning, I was drugged , humillated, my trust was taken away within an instant by being at home and all I could do right at that moment was sob until I had no tears left inside me.
So, yes, indeed it is a shit story, I was a single mum, at the age of 31 I felt revolting, betrayed, ashamed, humillated, my trust was gone, I had no one to talk to about this experience and I was alone on the floor by myself.
Strangers, and for a while there even close friends I was fretful of their trust, I really didnt cope until I left that house which luckliy was about 2 weeks after and I couldnt run out of there fast enough..
And no I did not report this because I was a single mum doing the best I could for him.. I would probably say to whomever is reading this if this does happen to you please contact your local police and go see your doctor..
Stranger Danger and the reasons…
For many reasons, we seem to have these blinded moments in our lives and I had many or did I?
To be perfectly honest what occurred a few weeks ago I was having this rather massive realizations and flashbacks of moments unclear but, moments that I understood clearly.
I was waking up from a pretty deep sleep which, to be honest, was a bit odd because I sleep very lightly, I work up in a pile of sweet not upset but, a sense of wtf that was different.
A very long time ago I had a trauma that I had thought I dealt with but, stupid enough and I say this because I get angry when I put too much emotion on something that isn’t present now nor did I want such an emphasis to be focused on this terrible mistake that I did.
Without going into details I was invited to someones home and it was for dinner so I drove up with my car and parked it in the driveway while watching is mate leave this person home. As I said, goodbye to his friend who I didn’t know I knew that I was not going to take this date any further the reason I knew was I had second thoughts and really we were not suited.
I just never really focused too much on those that I was not interested in so I guess I would be polite and stay a while but, I wasn’t going to go any further romantically nor was a one night stand going to occur… I just knew as my gut was never wrong..
As we chattered he poured me a glass of wine.. and I sipped it and the meal came out and he had said, look eat it while it is hot, that I should not wait.. so I had a few bites…
Within a few moments of doing both, I felt quite odd, my legs went numb, I felt the numbness climb from my toes to my knees, I dropped the fork in the plate while making a bit of a noise, by this time I had moved my legs around to the side to get up onto my feet but, the drug this idiot had put into my food had already taken effect and my panicked body and mind started to shake with fear.
I could feel it in my chest and my heart was racing in fear and worry as I felt it quicken as he used music and lightning to enhance this drug by this time I felt my throat tighten and I found myself swallowing in panic as I tried desperately thinking that I would suffocate.
Panic, fear, terror and the sheer horrific moment made me feel like a fool, I didn’t really know this idiot and my gut told me so clearly not to stay longer, however, I think he had already worked that part out…
So, as my heart beat louder and my mouth became dry I noticed as the music enhanced louder I had totally lost the ability to move I could only watch his devious face know exactly what was install with me..
I don’t remember much after that I believe that I had O’ deed, I awoke in the lounge room for some reason I was standing up and I was totally naked and horrified I looked around in panic for my clothes and I could only see a blanket so I grabbed that however, I had fallen hard onto the floor because my legs had given way..
By this time I scoped the room I could only hear a light voice it was coming from the kitchen and he seemed to be having a conversation over the telephone.
I could see my clothes but, I had no energy to drag my dead weight as I tried I had then fallen asleep due to exhaustion and obviously no movement in my legs.. this is the strange bit, I don’t remember getting dressed nor do I remember getting into my car to go home, but I do recall driving my car rather fast on the wrong side of the road on Wanneroo road, it was the scariest day and ever since that I could never trust someone I do not know.. because of this experience..
This to me was definitely, a stranger danger moment and since then I never allowed myself to go to someone’s house nor did I allow myself that moment ever to put my own life in the hands of someone I didn’t know…. again…