One sided affair

When a couple struggles to communicate while being on a journey you will find that slithers start to appear then cracks then bigger separations starts to be present.

Both start to argue more and then the one that is more determined to make it fail or perhaps seems to appear like that with the other watching it then seems to look different all because of silly insecurities that appear from nowhere at the wrong time.

What seems to occur from nowhere a journey that has changed direction and looks frightening because of uncertainty within themselves.

I might be wrong but we both are behaving weird, angry, and hostile towards each other.

Both of us are to blame in this journey together .. hard work, it is emotionally challenging and bloody awful.


For me I find it soul destroying when my partner and me as well.. I am not a saint… denies his side by being argumentative and his wording is sharper, cutting, bitter, he then starts telling you that your to blame and that he is not to blame and it continues and repeats and repeats until he is happy he’s free one of your presence in the same room.

This all starts with a denial of his own feelings he removes himself away by not committing himself in the journey or he throws all the negative or perhaps its that he is incapable of telling you about how he really feels.

I really don’t know but what it does to me it just saddens me so much that even I remove myself because I feel so alone, rattled, isolated, abandoned by him not being true to himself.

A journey for any couple is about both of them, not just one person carrying both people because that’s just hard work don’t you think?

I’ve seen a lot, felt too much, I’ve cried my eyes out and screamed my lungs out even talked to much to the point that is worn out, tired, made to feel like an idiot fool who should have been present a long time ago but I felt I had to blind myself so we all could understand more… about each other.

It seems that everything these days is harder, more emotional, but similar to that one person again (me) is struggling with bullshit babble that seems to go nowhere.

I have felt so damn confused, concerned, and even my mind is fighting hard to understand what this is all about.

When both are at each others throat, or both are separated by concrete walls i find it difficult to see the true essence of what light we have together and for that snippet of a moment, it tears at my heart so savagely.

Time to rethink because what i thought was what he wanted and me too isnt anymore.

That is clear and confusing because that part little moment of a clear picture feels and most of all the aggression that fumes out of his veins with his closed in walls that are now so hard to even see who or what he wants anymore with me.

We both know it is our journey so why is it full of uncertainty,  it feels like his hole body and soul wants to fight but, for what?

Do as I say not as I do?!

My weekend was tough, emotional,  distant and devastating all because of ignorance, blaming, and that feeling in the pit of your stomach it says to you, loudly that our time could be directing us to a place i never had thought we would go.

Life will test you but, its the heart that loses out in understanding more, however, the toxic mind will fuck you both over if you both don’t tell yourselves listen, stop yelling, start being real with real words, real emotions, and that hearts if us both that is your true ears.

So please be respectful to yourselves, and each other.


Categories: Owner of The Candii ClubTags: , , ,


  1. Talk with me. I only have one ulterior motive. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jacko, All I can say to you is this, Happy New Year, and may 2019, be happy, healthy, most of all better x


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