Far out what a year…
Well, I found out that I had many feelings, desires, and never really got to understand them due to many reasons that really wasn’t anyone’s fault.
We all have choices I guess sometimes they are easy ones and some are not so easy I suppose (shrug who really knows)
It would have been nice to find out what it all meant, however, it seems I really never got a chance what it all means really no-one really stayed long enough to find out or wanted to live is a choice sometimes choices are difficult.
I have to be totally honest I was a little lost in our journey as I was hoping you wanted to show me more than what I already knew or perhaps I had hoped you would listen to me and hear that I wanted to listen and understand more… about you, me and us!
I was waiting for you to open yourself up just as much as you were waiting for me to do that same….
I wanted to understand my partner more and find out what he wanted in life and if there was a bigger picture for him …it seems it was just a picture of nothing more than a feeling of want…
I wanted to see more, understand better, I wanted to open my eyes to things that meant something rather than a desire to take from one another…
I wanted to see if I missed something in my life or he missed something…. and understand better about what I missed or perhaps see how it could fit instead of thinking you missed it.
What I am trying to say.. how do we fix it to make it better for ourselves, us as partners, and others that are our friends, I guess feelings are very much hidden or are they?
I hate the thought of missing another’s feelings like your partner, your dearest friends or even your own self…
I just wanted to be kinder, more loving, give people a better understanding of what could be in life without thinking you have to ignore what you already have..
For some reason, people do not like to open up totally it shows too much and then they blame you for wanting you to open up… I just don’t get it…
Anyway, life is about learning and being so I did my best I guess I wanted us to be more though and perhaps I just wanted to be happier than I am at this moment…
It seems that everything doesn’t happen for a reason because it might be too hard to forgive for me forgiveness was already within me and I gave myself I just wanted us to enjoy us more… and let things open up…let the cards be on the table of life.
It isn’t anyone’s fault and it wasn’t meant to scare us off it is what it is… life is about learning, understanding, feeling, saying things that mean something or nothing it is all about your own inner self to be brave enough to say it, show it, feel it and be it…
I am no expert but, I do tend to say too much at times.. which gets me in trouble… which I am sure I did get myself in a bit of trouble.. no guessing I didn’t…
So, thank you for showing me what you could show me and I hope I did the same for you too… we can only be as best as we can be I guess I hoped that it was enough…
I found out that people are all the same we hide behind others so easily and don’t really get to understand ourselves more.. the brave can be blind for a reason…
I found that similar parts of my life have all the same ingredient that it is “you” if you open up and be what you are people will reject you because they find it too much to bare.
I found beautiful people expect way too much from you… and they have a similar feeling which is to take the bad and the good out of those that do open too much…
People never really change.. they want to change but, they don’t ever do it and if you do they end up challenging you and denying everything that could be good about you and them.
But, in all it was a great year I found that we are all the same we do try so hard but, at the end we expect too much and never really give our whole self…
- What is it that will make us all happy?
- Does it take this much for us to open up and be ourselves…?
- Why do we do so little to change ourselves?
- When will people believe the spoken word and just take a chance?
- We open/close we love we hate we repeat and repeat and repeat?
- We hide behind others so that we don’t get seen?
- We tend to use the same language because that is all we know that works?
- We love to love but, we won’t take a chance?
- We forbid ourselves from being the real person because we think those will hurt us because that is all we ever know..!
- We think we try but we really don’t..
- We tend to blame others mainly because they expect you to be you
- We never really are real but we think we are
- We never ever try too much but we do try more than most
And we blame those that start to say, be and see more than most but, we get angry at them because we are not really there yet?
So, we close up ourselves like we never opened up and we then blame that person for making us be a little human….
And then we break up because we can no longer look at them because of once being open to those that we love..
So, everything above and nothing above will ever mean anything because we are not brave enough to take a chance ….
Happy New Year my beautiful friends…. mine has been the best I will ever experience and I am sorry that you never believed in me enough to open up….
So, we close ourselves down just in case …. go figure.. the above means something or it doesn’t … that is the point of this post
May your journey be this Honest, Open, never hold back yourself doesn’t matter if those you share it like it… it matters that you cared enough to be there… so for that my dear I thank you x
Love Franny xxx