It seems sometimes we get a little overwhelmed with our emotional state especially when we are rewiring and old mind with new bigger brighter ideas and frankly at times even I cannot help but get a bit stuck with so much and sometimes not enough happy positives coming through.
To rewire your thoughts and ideas and mostly that damaged brain that seems to weep without me even being aware it at times holds so much emotion that in my present state it can and will make my mind goes a little crazy and manic which I really don’t mean it comes with also a toxic outsider that recently we had no other choice but, to do what we all do remove it so we can do some of our own healing and wiring to be better people.
Mixed emotions and messages that can be good and sometimes a little mixed up because verbal feelings are the best way to communicate anything without making them feel awkward, or perhaps read something that could possibly come across as too much or not enough.
We all do the best we can do and that is a very good feeling and a brave thing to do as a single person or even a couple, either way, it is worth the weight of gold. Its a strange feeling telling all of what you only understand I guess for me language now is a new thing and it is very important that you word your words constructively and make sure you say it correctly with me as you are all aware my brain can be a little wired faster than what I put on these posts some are okay, not great and some are bloody awful.
And I do apologise for that my education was a bit of a mess and so was my life, to be honest so my entire life up to 4 years ago made sense but, I am trying to be strong and understand with a better patient manner, however, my emotions and feelings get mushed up because I worry that I am hurting others like my husband or whoever I talk about at the time and that bothers me because I mean no harm to anyone..
Their feelings and emotions are important to me and sometimes they also are a little hazy my memory is sparkling clear, however, sometimes just sometimes there are moments I struggle with especially while he isn’t sitting next to me and I am left on my own…
These days though I try my best to hold myself better because my radar seems very accurate in spotting drama or trouble or a potential OMG and I am not sure if I am alarming them which I am not but, they can pick me out like a mother father radar…
Now some girls would go what her problem as well, I don’t have one I can handle myself very well, strong but, my mouth will say things to them and let me tell you they will do two things.. stay because they are dopes.. or go because I freaked them out.. which would be my intent, however, these days I believe I would be a lot kinder..Lucky them!!
Let’s talk about Z kids… what is so strange about those MEN???
It’s a different leer as they look at you, it feels different and not in a good way and my gut has always been able to spot danger in certain individuals but, my experience back when I was younger just wasn’t solid enough and it seemed that I was totally unaware that the outcome was what most women called date rape drugs. Now, back then like I said happened twice… once it was to get away from a stalker and the other was having dinner with I thought a harmless person – so that was then…
Now, we have a different preditor and I will explain.. they are the boys that go in groups they all do the same leer its creepy and it’s spells problems for women of that same era and women that may wear dresses Like I do… now I am pretty strong and I do have my husband to protect me but, there are times even he would not be able to stop these men not boys men that have this warped look that makes you feel like they just want to eat you whole…
Now I am not one to knock back a good looking male… happy to chat, laugh, however, just keep your hands to yourself lads as I am old now I am sure they will.. so I am sure I am safe as houses hehe
However, I have told this to my husband but, he dismisses it and I have tried to explain fully what I mean… and it is definitely something I would understand as a girl but as a man, he finds that perhaps I may be overdoing things by over thinking.
I get a little frustrated and annoyed because of many things more than he knows my past and more that if you do then why are you dismissing something I feel scared about or perhaps fear… I do hate using these two words because it makes me feel a week but, I know what I know…
I have specifically oddly thought out behaviours that may not make sense to most of you but, my wiring is definitely on the odd side of things and there is many reasons why which isn’t something I want to discuss on here but, you must understand that we are wired by our experiences and our upbringing and many of us either are recluses or we are still able to be extroverts both is me but, my true self is extravert but, more cautious, I sometimes wish I was a normal fun no problems adult women but, I do have a few areas of my life that I understand why and how of what I like and at times if I have to talk about these things .. Well it can and will affect me by making me feel a little uncomfortable if I repeat it over and over, it makes me feel like I am not believed and I am sorry to say I am saying it as harshly and in your face as I possibly can and I am not sorry for that.
If I like something and it makes no sense and you want me to make sense it makes me feel that I am saying something in the wrong context and I can’t say it any other way because it’s new and its really difficult to explain why…
My thoughts, feelings, kinks, fantasies are all the same however, there has to be a trust factor and many other areas of box ticking that makes me still feel free to have thoughts ideas and feelings… because we all have them just more normal and a little socially accepted in a society based on couples, religious beliefs. I did a Stepford life and frankly, it didn’t quite tick my box I wasn’t gay, and I definitely was over the top for most people and even men I was dating which wasn’t a lot but enough to know that my actions were a little more mature for my age..
Oddly, I thought for a while that was fine but, when you hear it over and over it makes you feel like an alien from a different planet..(please do not ask me what that means)
So, even though I was very good at hiding my fears and insecurities, I felt deep inside I found that mostly my sexual life was very unsatisfied and felt that sex wasn’t my thing and I felt that it was as boring as hell and I felt like a freak.
However, without going into my personal life too much (don’t want to trigger myself) I decided that it wasn’t for me and I gave up which did make a dent in my life a little I felt very unsettled you can say not satisfied and nothing seemed to tick my box at all.
Enough of that bit… moving onto a different wiring of the positive kind.. I recommend you do a lot of reading and put in some time in courses of NLP which is below click on the link under the below name to understand this further.
What is NPL?
NLP can be used for personal development, phobias, and anxiety. NLP uses perceptual, behavioural, and communication techniques to make it easier for people to change their thoughts and actions. NLP relies on language processing but should not be confused with natural language processing, which shares the same acronym.
Personally I did a course with a friend and he recommended at the time Cre8, it was definitely a turning point for me it’s a couple who live in Perth and they are very good, however, for me I really needed to do many at that time in my life but, it gave me great tools indeed. However, there are many others that can and will help you and your partner I do recommend if you have a few areas that could help you both then look them up or look up similar ones there are many on the internet but, do your research carefully I feel that follow up and ongoing revisits may be a key factor in understanding yourself better.
With the right tools you will definitely be helping your new mind with a healthier way of living without the pills and without those moments of feeling down and low.. Nothing is ever a quick fix as long as you invest a lot of time and patience in your own self you can and will get better… however, better is done better when you slow yourself down..
And, that is all I have for today…