“A CANDII-DO”, You can reclaim ,Your Sex Life After Surviving Sexual Assault…

Hey Candii here, HERE is a little of my story and what I did to heal….

True Story I am 50 years old and to be honest I have my good days and my shit days.. but, in most my days are better than they have been in a very long time…

A very long time ago (before I met my husband) this as taken me a long time to be “out” about this as it took me a very long time to understand what Once I thought I had dealt with I really didn’t at all.

I too am a survivor of rape, sexual assault and I have to say yes, sex, love, trust, happiness, strength about yourself more importantly and those that you wish to exchange your trust with or just your husband or partner this is up to you..

I must explain further about your sexual understanding and how to overcome some ASSHOLE that took something from you all because he may have slipped a mickey in your food, drink or cracked it up while swirling it around in your Esspresso Martini???!?!?!



These seven tips may not be for everyone, but they’re methods that I found to be indispensable in helping to make sex a fun, positive experience again.

Take as Much “Time to Heal” as you want

Prior to my attacks, I prided myself on being sex positive and adventurous a little odd, crazy, some would say stupid I grant you this however, why on earth would I give some fool that much intent of taking away my life?

Well, some did take away my life for a very long time indeed but, is it right?


Should they take away your beautiful nature?

Why on earth would we allow anyone to rip our hearts out and shit all over it … all because they or him or them are too smaller man to ever allow themselves a place in your heart, soul and dont think for one moment I don’t get it… I do…

So, In fact you do (when your ready) NEED to tell someone police if you wish, a therapist, doctor, a close dear friend becaue your life does matter.. and what they did or he did whoever it was NEVER allow anyone to destroy your inner spirit.

It took me a very long time to be present I was so used to sweeping my bad memories under the carpet like it was nothing but, just another day that made me feel like it was my fault..

That feeling “my fault” wow, sad hey!

Jesus, how many times I heard myself say that to me was countless, it was like me saying to god, are you punishing me, again?

So, I would think to myself alone mostly I would say, “there must be something I have to learn about me”?

Shite …. I had many moments (let’s call them that) that I said that about saying to god over and over, of course god had nothing to do with my feeling of despair about myself I was more harder on me than any person on this planet could be…

So, I guess what I am trying to say “YOUR NOT ALONE, Ladies, Men and yes, men too…”


How to heal your own body after sexual abuse

Everyone heals differently, I found that healing was removing it from my brain however, because I did this I never seemed to understand or see “dangers” it was a given that it would occur again and again until I was present to understanding or at least recognising moments of terror or anxiety or even those horrid moments of “Triggered them”.

Healing was in fact understanding how to recogise events that did not suit my needs and gave me alarm bells of being more present within myself, my surroundings and those I hung out with.. this took me years upon years to even notice them!

Being fun, crazy, bubbly isnt about being any of those great emotions it’s about opening your eyes to surroundings, behaviours, language and everything that you should do but, a didnt this means your alert, it means you are not being present within your ownself and you are putting your needs above all others.

And this is called growth, understanding, awareness, and finally self worth of you, so please understand you cannot heal until your worth is more important to you than any person on this planet…

Without you being worthy then you will not heal and you will repeat all those terrible things because frankly your self worth, of you isnt your priority and you MUST be present by loving yourself first..

Don’t Be Afraid to be sexual…. it is your right!!!

While many people might find solace in entering a trusting, monogamous relationship with a person who can help them explore their sexuality in a safe and patient environment, others can find that to be too big of a step to take at this stage. Making yourself open to consensual sexual experiences and being in complete control of them can be liberating as a coping method. It can also help to restore your faith and trust in sexual contact and relationships.

However, this is allowing your thoughts be free and then your trust in yourself on what you want to do either as a single girl, partnered, or experimental all these things are your life right to be a female.

Now be safe when picking a potential partner, fuck buddy, gal play mate, male play mate all the above whichever floats your boat…

Use a trusted friend that has your back or a system for yourself and even if you do meet someone make sure your with a mate that has your back or at least do it during the day in public and of course always have a back up plan if it ever goes sour…

Be Vocal About What You want, desire

Whether you’re having sex with a long term partner, a buddy, or a fun fling, you should never be afraid to speak up about what you’re enjoying and what you’re not. Take control over your body, your pleasure, and the moment by telling your lover what to do and where to do it. Tell them to stop if something feels wrong. Being demanding and domineering during sex can be insanely sexy for the person you’re doing it with. Most importantly, it gives you the chance to direct the experience in a way that’s healthy, positive and pleasurable.

DO NOT –  Apologize  (still working on this one)

The process of recovering from a sexually traumatic experience can be longer than we expect. Although we may think that we’re completely over it, sometimes the smallest thing can trigger a response that can restrict our enjoyment or desire for sex.

Personally, I’ve had entire months where I’ve not been comfortable enough to want sex, which must be tough on my long-term partner who has been nothing but patient and supportive for over 20 years that we’ve been a monogamous couple.

Our relationship from the beginning I must admit was head scratching however, kinky as it might sound (which is another post one day) there where times now looking back I must admit I should have thought twice..(get it twice – oh, never mind)

The outcome for me was me sobbing in the shower crying thinking I was a bad person and deserved the way I was being treated.. however, it wasnt bad to me I liked it I may not have understood alot about myself but, I would never had stayed if I didnt.

I am a very open honest and a little bit odd female what I like others wont.. so I can only be true to me.. and that is exactly what I love about myself..


Remember ladies, gents… we all have the freedom and the power to say no.

If they care about you then they’ll respect and understand the nuances of the word without requiring your desire for absolution from it.

Negotiate Pleasure

This is especially important for those in a monogamous, long-term relationship with someone.

Negotiate, talk with each other, even do a contract like “50 Shades” if you wish together a list of fun, naughty, what you would do and wouldnt do and always remember to have loads of fun…..


Make sure you heal, be present and always, always put yourself first….this can open the doors to exploring their comfort zones and to enjoying the provision of pleasure for someone else without immediate gratification for yourself.

Be generous.

Be creative.

Be open honest and love yourself ladies, men, young women…. LOVE YOURSELF first…

Follow your instincts and you’ll be one step closer to understanding and achieving your own comfortable pleasure on a regular basis. 


My Sky is stormy but my future is clearer..

Today was one rather revolting day I would rather not repeat again!!!

This is around all those good things we all want from friends, family and especially those we love and marry and those that we hoped that would rise above and see the true essense of what being happy is all about.

Toxic Environment is where people live and breath deceat they would rather use negitivate language, prey on people that are easy to render because once upon a time they where those nice people that loved so lovely….

For some reason to hate makes you feel better? Funny it is the easiest and the cruelist way to live a life but most love it because they know if they allow themselves to feel, be loved allowed themselves that beautiful essense of feeling then they too will fall victim to cruel people who thrive on a spirit that we all love to be surrounded by.

Cruel Intent and those who love to gloss lies.. because what for?


The story isnt horrible enough you want to apply more hatred to something that was already rotten?

Far out this society is full of nasty, lazy, controlling, abusive, people that take, and they take and they will take more and more until someone dies?????

For the victims that die they died because not one person that they felt deep inside was going to be there for them… to grab them when they fell… you cannot abandon vunrable people you should never hurt people who are fragile, ready to crack … why on earth would you do this to another????

It is dangerous it is so toxic and it is soul destroying to those that are doing the best they can with what they know….

I myself can feel that rage, that feeling of desparation that you feel when your alone, scared and you feel like not one person cares about you .. its a really dark place I have been there when I was 21 years old and I stopped someone from continuing humillating me then I settled because I had no others tools to help me grow or even understand what that means..(I so wish I did) if I did I would be a amazing women with whatever she desired which would be only happiness.

I am not a mean, cruel and even have that part of me that wants to hurt another that is not me and will never be me ever.. I find it the most cruelest expression of anyones character to make another feel less than they should be.

I love to love and be loved and have someone that loves me that is what I have always wanted to be and have.. I am not a fluffy person or a person that takes from another I am a person that wants to laugh and laugh, love and be happy with others…

It takes alot to be cruel, lie, cheat and do what most people on this planet do to each other for whatever reason they do it.. but, for me I would rather walk away learn and even if I am sad, crying and feel that my life is over it is better that I do this then live a life with someone that cannot see my journey going forward..

So, time for me to reflect and think better and clearer… try to be kind to each other dont tear people apart because you could end up with destroying you….

And them……. so take a big breath in and exhale love…….if feels good right 🙂


So this is it kids… my last bit before making a better journey

No person on this earth should make another feel less than and if they do.. then they are not worth it..

I love those that want to love and that is enough for me.. I would rather live breath and exist under a bridge with good people or by myself than with someone that takes every inch of your spirit from you.

I am a person who has searched for her entire life for souls that understand this emotion, feels this essence I can’t live in a toxic nasty environment because if I do… I die…

It will destroy me and I know it so well, that I felt it today with my entire heart and my spirit took a turn that I hated with every inch of my soul…

If I ever EVER feel that emotion again… there will be no turning back there will be no fair wells or anything kind especially to those that made me feel that low..

I will leave and never ever think to feel you and want that memory in my mind… you will not exisit..

It is the hardest and the cruellest emotional killing that anyone can ever do to another… this is why people kill themselves because they feel alone and defenceless.

No words, I have no more words on this… all I have is this.. be kind to those that have fallen so hard and teach them that … kindness if you keep beating them with cruelty they will die..

its a fact..


Dating sites? Would I go ahead with it? or would I sit there and watch? or would I do it???

Is it all about sex?

IF I WAS SINGLE – I would be on sites like that…. Or would I????

I have to be perfectly honest, if I was “single”, I would be on there like flynne! Which means I would be signed up sexed up and ready to go!!!  Or would I???


I find it interesting that as soon as you perhaps put something a bit crazy like I do… it seems they back off a bit???

Sounds funny when it is said like that but so damn true….

Man oh Man, or should I say, Man oh Girl oh Man? Or Oh girl oh girl oh girl?

I think I am now confused…

Way too many options, for me ? NOPE!

I went on a few of these sites with my husband for a test… well, I thought it was a test however, not sure, really, it ended up being just that “A test of wills”, “”Yipes!!!””

However, we must see what is out there and let me say, NO, thank you , very much!!

Swingers, Gang Bangs, Orgyies, Private Parties, MMF’s, MFM’s (apparently the way you type the letters there is a difference stuffed if I know) then you have MMM or FFM (which is considered a normal 3some) and FFF which I have to say I didnt see out there…

However, I think I may have to go on a different site which is female only for FFF and Male only for MMM.

Still, I looked around, chattered to delightful dudes that want to be into US as a couple but, for the life of me… just can’t do the one night stand thing!!

Grew out of that when I was single, young and stupid really!!

Men, love us couples, they love us, want to enjoy us, personally I think they are either after the male or the female of the two, but, who would even know how men think!!

I certainly don’t, it was an eye opening experience – however, not my thing!!

So, what is your thing peeps???


Would you do that with your partner?



Are you happy with both of you snuggled up at night?

What does Love mean to you?

Hi Candii here,

Here I am up early thinking about life and what Love means to people in this world we seem to live in such an era that the internet and people now are very up close and what seems very personal but, there seems to be such an underlining personal agenda of lust.

Have we all lost something within ourselves that we are that empty by looking for another person or idea to Satisify our egos?

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Let’s look at Redhotpie and kasidie 

The two links about are very different but, very similar Redhotpie is a dating service for couples, singles, threesome, gang bangs, swingers, private parties, cockhold, dogging, foursomes, exhibitionist, voyism, roleplay, etc.. it’s a meat market of people who like to socialize with like-minded sexual beings who are all different but, seems to be a simular theme and that to me is very interesting.. I will explain this in a moment while I tell you about Kasidie’s site.


Now Kasidie, is a site that is obviously evolved into a big business for Travelling Swingers, who do the same thing on a bigger scale, this site is about extreme parties all over the world and clubs that are set for sexual desires that will be fulfilled because they have mastered swinging and have gone wild and wet in USA and beyond.

Both interesting, both are similar, so what is it that seems to be very simular?

Okay, so we now live in a world of people who mostly get married and want to be single?  Or is it that we live with a partner love them but, perhaps we as humans require more than just one person?

I really am being very open-minded, I have to be because this is the area of understanding why couples end up at the divorce court and why we all seem very lurid to want more in our sexual life than one person!

I have many questions that I would like to find out by couples that love to swing together do they actually stay together?  I would love to ask them what is it that they like about swinging, group sex, sex parties, and many other factors that are out there while all those good couples stay at home having missionary sex!

I wonder if there is many couples that settled?

I wonder because of settling is that the reason they swing for their own frustration of having someone to go home with that loves them or is it more that it’s comforting within themselves that they can do this by swaying the “other” partner over to the dark side so that person in that marriage is finally satisfied with his/her idea of what compensation is within that person settling?

Or am I looking at this totally wrong?

Can anyone out there in word press world who is in a marriage/relationship tell me what is it that both of you get when attending these parties?

We are such a beautiful race of individuals and I don’t really find any of what people do is any of my business but, I will say I get it to a point of wanting to understand more about it!

I have to complete a sexology in two years and I would love to explore my mind of understanding further to why couples want to swing together.

  • I want to understand what the pros and the cons of it is?
  • And is it real?
  • Is it an excuse to have sex with others but, stay together?
  • Does anyone get hurt? 
  • Is it true that if we stay together we can swing together?

It seems that we have so many hidden sexual fantasies within ourselves, is it that we are evolving into a society that secretly wants to be single and having wild hot sex with others without the marriage, consent, or is it that we have been doing this since time began and really don’t care what others think?

Love to hear your thoughts on my post above?

Do you have the any thoughts on what I said above? Agree? Disagree? think i made it up?

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