Archive for ‘FOR MY SON’

A Moment of Reflection!


Just reflecting on my past after responding to Jack’s post about relationships!

https://jackcollier7.com/2019/01/16/gain-self-belief/

Splitting up is probably the hardest thing I did back in those days!  I was the first Amato on my father’s side to divorce so I knew my decision was going to be difficult for my family and myself and of course my son… It wasn’t made in haste and I had a good reason just not for a post that information…

It took all of my strength and I never made this decision ever as saying it was easy.. because it certainly wasn’t easy at all..

I was brought up in a multicultural family my father Italian born Molfetta, my mother Australian born (anti suppressant -btw that was a joke) , her parents Father was Irish and her mother my grandmother bless her heart now deceased was Italian, French both born in Australia with different cultures.

A mixed bag of tricks (personalities) I guess!

I married young to someone that I should not have married all because of many reasons that I am sure I have already written about.  We both wear young he cheated on the very first night of his and my Hens and Bux and to be honest if you’re going to do it that early your better off single!

We all did silly things when we are young however, we both had a beautiful little boy that wasn’t easy to make I might tell you!

Note: have not said much about my son’s fathers side of the family…. for a reason I might add
I miscarried and lost a child just under 5 months before we had Jordan, back in those days it was normal and no-one would go on about aww you poor thing!

Frankly, my family wasn’t built like that they got on with the job and never allowed ourselves to sob over silly unrealistic things like a miscarriage!

Oh, how families are, right!

Personally, I believe when I was younger I hurt my spine and it is always quite a week my neck area, I did gymnastics and I was a little snipper of maybe 8 or 9 years old and it was my turn to run on the Minnie tramp and do a double roundabout I was supposed to land on my feet but, I missed and then I landed onto the bar with my neck that evening! To be honest my memory of after that time is very dismal, however, I did seem to suffer from neck and back problems which I still do…

After time had passed after the miscarriage I finally got a present which was Jordan as my beautiful gift,  it was amazing pregnancy, to be honest, I was extremely happy and my son was healthy and I couldn’t ask for any more than that!

My life was my son after he was born I was so proud and I adored that little boy and his life was awesome too!
However, not everything in life is simple nor is it easy, to be honest, personalities, judgement ideas of how to bring children up and also others not the best to suggest their quality judgement on what to do as a new parent!  Nor, were others that hmm, which I will talk about another time…but, we did what we did and that was “our best”.

Reflecting…

I never hit my child because I believed that it didn’t work for me as a child plus, my son was not a naughty kid he was a free-spirited child a bit like me actually, in fact, his whole person was me very strong willed!

My dad said, Fifi, never break a child’s spirit, I said, I wasn’t planning it, Dad, I like attitude call it what you like he has a great spirit indeed!

Of course, he got this from me…. all me…. hehe joking

Sorry I have to say that as a mother!


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A reflection of one’s life well I am in fact about to start WordPress site dedicated to my son with pictures and many things all about him, you see I have not seen my boy since he was 11 – 12 years old.

So, I will be doing a site dedicated to him and his life up until then and then it will be sent to him with passwords and so forth for him to delete if he wishes.

I have no idea how and when but, it is for him with a non-biased reflection of his life based by my own memory with loads of pictures he will be surprised… he will hate my guts this isn’t about me… this year.. is about a lot of things but, not so much me.. so stay tuned…

Enough of this time to get on with today… xxx

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Coming Out As Mature Gay Man


Hey Candii here,

I want to talk about a true story that happened to me a long time ago, I was newly divorced single mum with my son being around 6-7 years old my friends had changed a tad to me hanging around a lot of gay men!

Funny things happen when you’re single, however, it was the best thing I had ever done, to be honest, I remember a young boy forgot his name he was young like 17-18 years old. I was in my kitchen making sandwiches for about 30 young me “all gay” and this young man came up to me saying how great I was, he said, where is your girlfriend?

The laughter in my lounge room was roaring loudly and you heard someone say, she’s straight!  The shock on this boys face was epic, he said, but, you have a little boy?! and why are you so okay with all of us hanging out with you and your little boy?

Then my face was in shock!!

I said, to him, do I have to be gay? to hang around you all?

He then explained that he told his parents about himself being gay and how hard it was!

He then said, thank you for being so open and allowing us into your life!!

I said, don’t thank me I love being around strong people who have the guts to be what they want to be regardless of sexuality!  That takes guts and strength most straight people should learn about life!

Years later when working I saw him again in a lift and he remembered me, Franny, he had grown up a lot and he gave me another hug and said, you have always been in my heart and head girl thank you for you being you!!

I don’t really know the magnitude of what I did for him, but, I thought it was beautiful, to say the least, it meant a lot to him and that was enough for me.

True story 🙂


The Dangers Of Revealing Sexuality

Coming Out Later In Life

http://maturegay.com.au/

The divulging of your sexuality towards other people is commonly referred to as ‘coming out’.

This is a specific rite of passage for young gays whereby they not only acknowledge their sexuality, but they begin to tell other people such as their family and close friends, about their sexual orientation.

Coming out is an intensely personal process, and many people experience both positive and negative stories when it comes to their coming out.

In today’s society, particularly in Western Culture, coming out is often deemed to be not a big issue.

Though, try telling that to the person who is struggling with their sexuality and has conservative parents.

Coming out as a young person has unique and different challenges to coming out as an older person, and the experiences can be profoundly different.

People will ultimately come from a wide range of ethnic, religious, class and racial backgrounds which will directly influence their experiences as they come out.

These social standings can affect an individual’s safety, or even their family’s safety and coming out can risk the loss of friendships, relationships and family all because you are exploring your passionate nature.

Ignoring your passions towards relationships is not something that can be done, as ignoring your feelings will often cause great pain, fear, and anxiety.

It’s a different experience for everyone. Thus, coming out as a white, able-bodied young Australian will be a profoundly different experience than that of an African Immigrant living in a low socio-economic area of New York.

 

 

Aside from these challenges, there are many more challenges to coming out as an older male, especially if one has denied or repressed their sexuality in their youth and have begun to raise a family.

Older generations were raised in a society and grew up in a time of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell‘ and many people have successfully hidden and/or repressed their sexuality until much later in life.

The question then becomes; why did they hide it?

There’s a variety of reasons as to why people might choose to hide or ignore their sexuality.

Most teenagers, and arguably this is part of being part of a teenager, will naturally reach a point in their lives whereby they will test where the bounds of sex and sexuality sit, and they will explore these boundaries.

It can be an incredibly frustrating and confusing time especially when society expects that you will fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, have children and grow old together and you’re simply not sharing or feeling like that.

At this stage, some people might fundamentally reject their feelings on religious grounds, upbringing, or they might develop intense negative feelings surrounding the issue of sexuality and as a result, will push down on those feelings until they no longer exist.

 

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Coming Out is Distressing

 

This can pose significant issues later in life, and ultimately they’re setting themselves up until they have reached a point when they can no longer deny their feelings.

They have given a lifestyle of heterosexuality their best shot and it’s simply no longer viable.

They have attempted to conform to societal expectations of getting married, having children, and it’s not until they get to later on in lives that they realise that there have been profoundly important things about themselves with which they have neglected, or not acknowledged.

Other people might simply not have the capacity to understand or interpret their feelings of attraction because they had deemed it to be as abnormal, or wrong. In that regard, is not surprising that a lot of baby boomers wait until later in life when they decide to come out, and it’s usually as a result of their lives becoming simply unbearable as a result of hiding who they truly are. Coming out when you’re young is difficult. Coming out when you’re older has significantly more challenges, and arguably, is a lot harder than coming out when young. We’ve compiled a short list of the difficulties that older people might face when they decide to come out later in life.

 

1. Being Gay And Married:-

Owing to the fact that many people try and repress their sexuality, they will conform to social, familial and religious pressures and decide to get married. Though it is important to note that not all religions have strong stances on homosexuality.

Taoism

For example:

  • does not have a single school of thought when it comes to homosexuality and is simply merely discouraged.

In any event, people might conform to the popular belief that it’s not accepted and continue on a heterosexual lifestyle.

They might do this in the hope that their homosexual feelings will go away, or they might find themselves in a deep state of denial, or they simply might feel that their feelings are nothing but a phase and representative of the feeling of ‘cold feet’ of getting married.

Many mature gay men have stated that the reason that they got married was that they’d hoped that the feelings would go away, they loved their wives, they considered their wives their best friends and soul mates but rather than happiness and bliss for their lifetime together, all they would feel was an overwhelming sense of infidelity and deceit as they discovered that the feelings wouldn’t go away.

They might try marriage counseling or some form of couples counseling, but inevitably it’s not going to work.

 

wife ca be devastating

Coming Out To Your Wife Can Be Devastating

 

Often they can hide and repress this for years, the distractions of life, and growing older play a great part in a person’s ability to ignore what’s underneath as they traverse life, climb the social/work ladder, buy a house, plan for a family and so on and so forth.

One of the worst aspects of being both married and gay is the understanding that the moment that you come out, that there is potentially going to be a lot of hurt, pain, and anger from his wife.

This can be devastating and cause chaos in people’s lives and is probably one of the most challenging aspects of coming out when you’re older.

Especially since he might love his wife, considers her his best friend and feels that coming out will ultimately hurt her.

For some, they simply cannot take this and will either resort to drastic measures or simply engage in infidelity until they get caught out.

 

2. Parenthood:-

Through trying to repress ones sexuality, they might decide to get married. From there, they might end up being parents.

Becoming a parent also serves as a distraction-like tool in the repression of sexuality and some might see the prospect of having children to be worth it in staying in the closet because it provides them with opportunities that they may not have been able to have as a gay male.

Today, however, there are many options for queer people to fulfill their dreams of becoming parents, and these technologies were simply not available 30 years ago.

Other people feel that being a parent is more important than their sexuality, as they fear that any decision to come out after having children, could negatively impact them.

As such, there are a lot of people who acknowledge being gay early on in their marriage but who have already had children, they decide to repress their sexuality until their children are old enough to understand.

To some people, the idea of providing a loving and nurturing environment for their children is a far more important endeavor.

 

loving family

 

3. The idea of Lost Youth:-

Being young is about making mistakes, it’s about embarking on life with the training wheels firmly attached and it is a state of learning and growing.

What about the idea though, that you start off life in the development of a particular lifestyle, only to discover that that’s not for you?

You essentially, in part have to start again.

This is a common train of thought for older people who have come out later in life and they might get the impression that they have to go out into the world and make up for lost time.

Unfortunately, there’s no way to make up for lost time, what’s past has already passed. Mature Gay Adults who have only recently come out, however, will often find themselves behaving and acting like the teen they never got to be in an effort to make up for lost time.

It’s almost considered to be in the same vein as having a mid-life crisis – even the most placid and calm of people might suddenly turn into a raging teen at the candy store lusting and drooling after all the new things in the world that they can experience.

It’s tricky. Others might feel such a sense of shame and inadequacy that it makes them vulnerable to forms of abuse, and they may be plagued with unhappiness regarding the sense that they’re supposed to be an adult, and all of a sudden they’re a child in a world that they didn’t know much about.

In either circumstance, however, there is cause for concern.

Not only in forms of abuse either from being sexually assaulted or financial as a result of this vulnerability, and in young people potentially seeking a sugar daddy where the older gay male is looking for love, but also in the sense that sex and dating conquests may not necessarily equate to a healthy sexual lifestyle.

 

4. Family Acceptance:-

One of the most important things that people yearn for when they decide to come out of the closet, is that it won’t adversely affect their relationship with their family.

It’s a fundamental need and desire to be loved and accepted by your family.

When people start coming out in their 30’s, 40’s or even beyond there are some families which will struggle with this new found status.

Some members of the family might be unable to accept the sudden change, in the sense that who you’ve been for the majority of your life has now suddenly changed.

They may not be able to transcend past the idea of how they remember or know who their child, brother, sister, the nephew was.

There’s really no way in telling if the experience is going to be a positive or negative experience.

Especially when some people support the idea of being gay, and they can’t get past the feeling that they had been deceived the majority of your life in regards to the gay person.

5. Family acceptance

 Will also extend to the in-laws.

It is highly unlikely that a young gay male will be married in his teens, and as such, will never have to deal with the prospect of telling his in-laws about his sexuality.

People in their 30’s and beyond may have found themselves married, and have acquired a set of in-laws through their partner.

Gay people who come out later in life might have to deal with telling the in-laws about their sexuality.

Though, in some respects, it should be very much considered to be similar to a divorce – whereby the in-laws will either accept you’re coming out, will struggle to remain civil and polite, or they might even be glad to see the back of you.

Having grandchildren involved in this situation is certainly going to complicate things and realistically you should speak to your partner privately first, and have a discussion about the in-laws.

 

myth and truth

 

6. Youth Vs Truth:-

This one is partly driven by the shallowness of the queer community and the ideals associated with beauty.

Whereas many people subscribe to the idea that you’re only as old as you feel, it can be quite apparent when someone is desperately trying to cling onto their youth by either wearing inappropriate clothes or embarking on a lifestyle that isn’t representative of their age.

Common problems with coming out later in life circle around an individual’s insecurities – they feel that they’re well beyond the age of getting into the gay scene, or that they’re not in good enough shape to be taken seriously.

From here, one of two things will generally happen. You will go into over-drive and desperately seek to become the most ideal and often stereotypical gay man that you could be.

Or, you might find yourself in a pit of despair and feel that you’re just never going to be good enough and settle for a relationship, or a particular circumstance that is far less than what you deserve.

Neither of these scenarios are the healthiest.

The healthiest approach that one can take is simply let loose, be yourself and try to find your way on your own with the knowledge that there are countless others who are in exactly the same position that you are.

 

7. Baggage:-

This is one of the tougher ones and can really hit a person where it hurts.

When you’ve been married and you’ve got kids, there are many people out there who will consider you to be a person that’s carrying too much baggage.

However, it’s a similar situation to when going through a standard divorce, with the only difference is that you’re now dealing with a lot of issues and thoughts regarding your own sexuality and invariably it’s a lot of stuff happening at once. If you hear this said to you, it’s going to hurt. But just find comfort and solace in the idea that it’s certainly not an isolated occurrence and that you’re but one in a pool of people trying to find their way. Just like older people going through a divorce, you may find comfort in the idea of not necessarily embarking on looking for a relationship with someone that doesn’t have baggage of their own, but rather looking for someone that also wants to be serious and might be coming with their own baggage.

 

training wheel

 

8. Training Wheels:-

You’ve spent the last x amount of years subscribing to a particular lifestyle, and now you have to change that.

Sex is going to be a major component of that, and it can be quite emasculating to discover that you’re considered to be absolutely clueless around sex.

You’re not alone, there’s no manual on having sex or gay relationships, and chances are that when you’re looking for someone else that’s also single they haven’t managed to understand the idea of relationships either!

 

9. Love:-

Mature people will often feel that they can’t be loved.

They’re often in an already vulnerable state having to deal with all of the above problems, and rather than playing the field and determining who they are attracted to, they’ll often find comfort in the idea of settling down with the first person that shows any interest in them. Monogamous relationships form their primary focus and whilst there’s no harm in this – if you’re specifically looking to form a monogamous relationship then there’s a chance that it can actually stop you from getting into a relationship. The best advice in this regard, play the field.

 

10. Life Stressors:-

This is often the most difficult, and can directly impact all of the previous issues when it comes to coming out when you’re older.

The fact is, that there might simply be too much going on at once.

You might be dealing with a divorce, you might be dealing and trying to do the best for your kids, you might be trying to find a new place to live, and you might also be trying to work out the intricacies of gay life, sex, and relationships.

That can be a lot of pressure and stress all at once. Take a step back, breathe and deal with the things as they come.

You might not have all the experience of a gay male, but you have a variety of different experiences and challenges that you have overcome just to make it to this point in your life and, surely, that’s worth something.

 

mature gay couple

 

I myself am a late bloomer. I am now happier through coming out. I have written these challenges both as a result of what I myself have experienced, and what others in my support network have experienced.

Coming out is not easy at whatever stage of life that you’re in and I absolutely subscribe to the words of Comedian Todd Glass when he states that “everyone comes out at exactly the same time…when they’re ready.”.

I first had an idea that I was gay in my late teens, and this was during the start of the HIV Epidemic.

I didn’t stay closeted for fear of the HIV scare, I attempted to embark on a lifestyle of heterosexual living because I felt guilty, because of fear, and due to a need to please others, like my family.

I don’t believe or view that decision as a mistake, from that choice I feel I was gifted with a beautiful and wonderful relationship with an amazing and patient woman, who gave me two daughters who I love to the ends of the world and who have certainly made my life worth living.

My family has been able to provide me with the strength that I needed to develop the emotional maturity that would later form the foundations of my confidence and acceptance.

Despite coming out when I was older, I have since found myself, I am now true to myself and I could never ask for anything more.

TMI Tuesday: November 20, 2018


Spill! It’s time for another TMI Tuesday.

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1. Who in your life do you wish you’d met sooner?

My Husband, maybe I say this because I do believe we met each other at the right age… I have told him many times that if I did meet his ego before 31 years I may not have liked him…

2. Who in your life do you wish you’d never met? Why?

Well, I won’t say this because I do have my own opinion on who this would be… but, we must never regret always say everything is a lesson in life.

3. What personality trait or description that others attribute to you do you hate?

Hate is an awful word let’s not use this

4. If you have children, do you want them to be just like you?

Absolutely not!!

My son which he will detest me using “my son”, he is just perfect the way he is.. living his own life just the way he wishes too.

5. What have you given up but yet used to love?

Oh, what a question, many, many things my son was one of them… I wish I didn’t but, life is definitely a learning curb indeed, I let him go to have a better life and I think deep down if I was selfish I wouldn’t have (that is my biggest regrets of being selfish if I didn’t give him up)

One day I will explain that too you sweetheart.

 

Bonus: Why do people say “heads up” when you should duck?

Funny 80’s expression of life….. I guess.. or a duck is flying low lol

Why do I Blog …What is the reason?


Well, to be honest I do blogs to get to understand those that are on here and this is for many reasons I have a very interesting past and I believe everything happens for a reason.

We tend to take our lives for granted and we never believe our lives are worth much which is sad because I myself have thought that many times in my own life.

I am not on here to be perfect nor am I on here to preach anything that isn’t the truth however, we do tend to have a bit of fun and poke fun at myself mostly or how I actually feel.

But, to be perfectly honest I do this to understand myself express how I feel about my eccentric life which really isn’t however, I have had life that most people would not be aware of and because I so want to complete my studying this may take me sometime as it can be difficult even for me to do.

It means I have to be present, honest, true to myself, those who read some of my piffle but, when I do write about my past sometimes it is easy and sometimes I will write it and I will delete it mainly because it scares the shit out of me for many reasons.

I don’t believe in wanting to dwell on my past but, what I do believe is our paths in our lives is very important and I so want to help those that have similar understandings and most of all help those that I know I can understand those that have walked a simular path as I have.

You see if it wasnt for some wonderful persons that need I say have helped me open my eyes to a lot of things which I thank them even though they may not think I have … So, thank you and I do love you all very much there may not be many that do know about my path but, I do wish for them to know that I do love them and I hold them very close to my heart and soul.. So, to my closest, dearest, imaginary, invisibly, visible and gorgeous souls always know that without those that held my hand and hugged my soul when I wept I thank you so very much with all of my heart and soul…

So, this is why I do this and want to help those that have been hurt through loosing a child through either divorce or wrongly accused for disgraceful ruling due to unfairly being accused or losing their child to suicide, death, tragic and even to those moms that had to let go of children due to rape, drugs, being hurt my others that should never occurred, have nearly hurt themselves due to their own despair and many other reasons that I wish to hold on further for my own growth and understanding.

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So, this is a little to why I want to be here and do what I do because I truly care for others that have been treated unfairly, truly hurtful and devastating occurrences that only those will understand inside themselves…

It is never easy nor is it something that anyone can do.. but, for me I have to do this because I want too and it is inside my own soul, self and most of all my heart cannot .. Not do it.. if that makes any sense..

So, yes, that is why I get on here rant and rave, do funny things and some really odd things it is never difficult it is frustrating because it can be hard to understand myself..

We all learn differently none of us are stupid nor are we psycho nor do we do this because someone else wants us too.. I do it because that is what I want to do… so as I grow and understand myself more I will share with you more as I grow..

Thank you, Franny xxx

Why Moms Are Important too us…


Hi Candii here,

Let me tell you something about MUMs…….. my mum and your mum…..

I want to tell you why your mother is important to you girls….and boys….

Let’s talk about how wonderful my mother was to me yes.. I said, and will repeat these words again… My mother is and was important to me because she loved me….

Hard to imagine a mother that has your back no matter what right?

Hard to imagine that even when you think they are wrong they really deep down are not because frankly they are trying to teach you something … in life that you will remember when you are older…

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They say things that you may not like.. but, when you have time to stop the anger, rage inside you that really has nothing to do with her.. It’s because when you break it all down she truly cares for you and if you have children then of course she will care just as much for them as well.. because she is pure love…

We live in a very selfish lifestyle and we forget what our mothers give us sometimes its meals, to fill our stomachs, medicine to help us heal, money to help us feed out own children… but what do we give back to them??

Sometimes we forget how strong and beautiful they truly are?

Sometimes they get angry because they care for those that they have brought into this beautiful world and they care because that is what they were born for…

Never ever think for one moment girls/boys that mothers are the back bone of your families, they care, worry, shake their heads in disagreeing with you.. showing you emotions that most would never do… think about that for a moment…

  • We tend to be hard on our dearest moms.. why?
  • We tend to get angry at them because you think the do not understand you… why?
  • We tend to say things that will hurt them so I am asking why??

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Do you think for one moment that mothers do things, say things, yell at you for no reasons because they don’t care???

Many of us feel that our dear mothers are the worst in the world… but, I disagree, totally, I believe my mother can and will be the best, worst and fearless person in this world and that is something I am very proud of how she is….

I love my mother more than I give her credit for, I love her strength, her courageous., I love her funny strange ways that even I have to shake my head and smile from time to time.. but, I do love that women….. because she is the most beautiful human being that I know would fight for me if I needed her too.. because my mother has so much love that when she gets angry at me.. she is angry because she LOVE ME!!!! her love is full of anger, love, devotion, emotions us kids never will understand.. but, she is the ONLY person on this earth that will love you forever and ever and ever…. Remember that next time you argue with your MUM… and love her anyway… because she does it because she is your MOM..

Thank you mum, and I do love you too Franny xxx 

My love for my son is more to me than life itself…. and that is yet to be written, however, there are somethings that I would rather say to him then write to him……
So always know my son… that I do love you, care for you and adore you until the day I die.. and I too have sacrificed my entire life for you to LIVE a Life with so much Love…
And I would do it all over again and again and again… and that my boy is your mum… Enjoy your life my talented man you deserve every bit of happiness.. without fear, worry, guilt, remember our children are only loaned to us… for a short time… it is up to them that we have to sometimes let go and see if they can… if not we will always be here to catch them when they fall.. love you always, your mum xxx

Sorry well its been 15 years so I had my rant….

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The very last time I saw you .. at Counsellors you where 12 years old I bought you a pair of sneakers that came from Singapore Heelies I believe

 

 

Ps… keep reading… girls….

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Here are some quotes from famous people about their mothers

 

All hail the new wave of A-list mum’s – the women who aren’t sugar coating the complexities of motherhood, instead expressing exactly how they feel – be it good or bad.

Here are  the most empowering quotes by celebrity moms who aren’t shying away from the truth about motherhood. We need to have a play-date and a cocktail with these women…

1) Reese Witherspoon
 (mum to daughter Ava and sons Deacon and Tennesse)
‘No one’s really doing it perfectly, I just think you love your kids with your whole heart, and you do the best you possibly can.’

2) Drew Barrymore (mum to daughters Olive and Frankie)
‘My favourite thing about being a mom is just what a better person it makes you on a daily basis. Every morning when I wake her up, the endgame is, “Can I get her to smile?” And that puts me in a good mood. It’s definitely a different way to live – and a much better one.’

 

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3) Kate Beckinsale (mum to daughter Lily)
‘I have found being a mother has made me emotionally raw in many situations. Your heart is beating outside your body when you have a baby.’

4) Gwyneth Paltrow (mum to daughter Apple and son Moses)
‘I never understand why mothers judge other mothers, like, “What do you mean you didn’t breastfeed? What do you mean you didn’t do this?” It’s like, “Can’t we all just be on each other’s side?”’

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5) Sienna Miller (mother to daughter Marlowe)
‘I was overwhelmed by how normal it felt. It was like, “There you are – that’s what I have been missing.” Like we’re both in on something only we know. An amazing sense of being complicit with a little being.’

6) Victoria Beckham (mum to the Beckham brood: sons Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz and daughter Harper.)
‘Like so many working mothers all over the world, I feel the constant struggle to be the best mother I can, whilst setting a good example to my children to work hard. I travel for work when it’s necessary, and I miss them all the time when I am away.’

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7) Claire Danes (mum to son Cyrus)
‘Being a mom is incredibly challenging but we still feel a pressure to talk about it in very romantic terms. We all have that resentment at times and anxiety about being trapped by the role, that responsibility. And then chemically it can run riot…and there’s no ‘off’ button.

8) Julianne Moore (mum to daughter Liv and son Caleb)
‘It’s not difficult to take care of a child; it’s difficult to do anything else while taking care of a child. Trying to clean up the kitchen after you’ve had a baby is a nightmare.’
Read more at
http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/life/17-celebrity-quotes-on-motherhood-4291#U3WzsJdzYr4Ws4pb.99

 

9) Kate Winslet (mum to daughter Mia and sons Joe and Bear)
‘There’s something really empowering about going, ‘Hell, I can do this! I can do this all!’ That’s the wonderful thing about mothers, you can because you must, and you just do.’

10) Anne Hathaway (mum to son Jonathon)
‘I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was 16, but I also just knew I wanted to have a career as well.’

11) Kim Kardashian (mum to daughter North and son Saint)
‘It is an adjustment trying to balance a career and motherhood for sure, but the key is to prioritize. You become more selective and work on projects that are so meaningful because you want every other waking moment spent with your family. You have to remember though to make time for yourself.’

12) Gwen Stefani (mum to sons Zuma, Kingston and Apollo)
‘[I wondered] how I would fit [the baby] into my life. Would I be too self-obsessed to be able to care about him enough? I have a really extraordinary life and I obviously have a lot of passion about the things that I do. So I didn’t know if I could be selfless enough. But obviously I can – it’s the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me.’

13) Beyonce (mum to daughter Blue Ivy)
‘I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth. I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.’

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14) Katherine McBarron – I love my girls so much that they don’t even see how much I do, the reasons I say what I say is because of how much they mean to me.. I wish that they only knew how much that I sacrifice my entire life for those girls… One day I hope they do Katie, because they are your life and that is the only thing you have ever lived for… I hope you girls see this part in this piece and one day open your eyes that mum isn’t as bad as you both seem….. my love to my dearest friend something I thought about…..may put a smile on your face xx

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Happy Birthday… Jordan x


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A Letter to my son who I have not seen in over 15 years…. with so much love… so here is a little of me to you…

The above picture I wrote within the first few months mainly because it took me that long to write it or even could write about you….

To be perfectly honest for 2 years straight I cried and sobbed in the arms of Courtney before I went to bed..that was the only way I could fall asleep… 

Time passed and I would then do my own silent tears… every day, every moment, and every thing I am saying is true… 

Never think for one moment that I wanted you to leave always know that I did try very much but I also didn’t have any strength in me left because I knew it would take so much to fight and I was so tired of fighting life.

You always where in my heart, in my wicked prays, and definately I had a eye on you even when you had no idea that I didnt…

I knew by looking at you your body, soul would never be able to fight between your dad and me as your mum, and frankly that would have been the most selfish cruel thing to do with you… you had me in you… at that age.. And to be honest I barely survived back in those days plus, I knew that both of them would have been challenging that is what I felt..

If that wasnt the case then “thank god”, I could tell you so many true things about you and me and why I did what I did.. but, never, ever think for one moment that I never thought about you baby boy.. Every day of my life.. and will do until the day I die.. because that is what great mothers do.. they realise that it isnt all about them..

You are a Unique and beautifully talented, strong, male and I am so damn proud of you for being who you are… You might not think that I do understand you or how things are or perhaps where but, mark my words I know more about living a life 1/2 full than anyone you will ever know.

So, keep doing what you are doing and do it with a happy beautiful future, no guilt, worry or a feeling of perhaps whatever, life is very, very short and from the day you where born you will always do things your way… And kiddo so you should..

Do it for YOU……..live your LIFE and love, love, love……

Here are some pictures of you … Happy Birthday handsome…. and might I add a Chef… very, very beautiful.. xxx

 

Here are some valuable lessons to learn…

There is an old saying in the Roman Catholic Bible, that is this  “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

Do you know what happened?

No-one could raise the stone at this girl who sinned (her sin was she had sex out of marriage and was labelled a whore)

So, what that means is No-one is without sin, think about that one because that is life really..

We are all so quick to judge, label, tell people that they cannot do things because.. bit selfish don’t you think?

Imagine someone now telling you how to live your life? I wouldnt.. forget that one…. 

If life was so terrible why so many SMILES?

Remember one side is one one side… and the biggest life lesson for you is yet to come Jordan, life is about living it, not about being something you are NOT… just because someone told you too…

You are strong, brave, a amazing chef from what I can see from Perth, that takes dedication, alot of time spent in a kitchen peeling potatoes, over and over and over again.. I did do 12 years in Hospitality and your Great Grandmother was a Hotel owner so we both should know.. bless her heart.. her birthday is on the 31st October (HA)

 

Remember the Jones, will always be the Jones, You are unique we are Strong, beautiful so trust your heart and never second guess it…

Trust your strenght it got you to where you are and heading..

And one day make sure. you STOP and smell those roses.. because roses are 2 things wild and free with amazing unique scent or they are home grown and can only live because someone fed them bull shit….

 

Love and warm thoughts your mum….. the real one… Franny xxxx

I did say that I wouldn’t over do this however, I ran with it… go figure…

Everything Happens for a Reason…


This feeling of walking into YOUR own house at 11pm 6 months after you get married and after finishing a 11 long hours at a hotel at the age of 21 years of age. (Just turned)

This feeling of walking into YOUR own house at 11pm 6 months after you get married and after finishing a 11 long hours at a hotel at the age of 21 years of age. (Just turned)

This isnt a good start to any relationship at any age and after doing a long day/night at work.

Right!

We either deal with or we either ignore it or divorce it or allow it.

Sad but it does happen to some of us.

Life is as tough as you want it to be.

Or as beautiful as you want it to be.

So the motto of this story is to be honest, loving, truthful, and to love those who deserve your love and to remember just because he/she didn’t the first time it will happen one day.

So, enjoy your life because your worth it.

Just sharing mine with you xxx

Good Will Hunting.. the Famous Robin Williams.. did this role beautifully!


Like I said, this tells a tail of alot of us and per say some of us, in all if we where subjected to abuse, trauma, etc, and recovered (when I say recovered i say this tongue in cheek) I will also say, with anything in life a CHILD who does survive such hideous, depending on this scale will and no doubt have a distorted outcome on their adult life.

This will vary in each of us and that level of abuse a child is subjected to.. we must understand sometimes, we unaware of our biggest Friend or Foe, the SUBCONSCIOUS MIND, this area of how we adapt is questionable!

Which means depending on what the abuse is.. if it is sexual then who can tell until the are older how they look at life sexually!!

For me well, As that famous commercial that sold alot of chicken.

“I like it like that”, Finger licking good!” ha!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/compassion-matters/201805/it-s-not-your-fault-overcoming-trauma#=_

I do agree with the above and here is the link that states it very well.. have a read

There is a famous scene in the film Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams, playing a therapist, compassionately repeats the line “It’s not your fault” to Will, a troubled young man with self-destructive tendencies, who happens to be a genius.

The line is a response to the revelation of abuse Will endured as a child.

At first, Will is dismissive of the statement, but as his therapist steadily repeats “It’s not your fault,” he becomes increasingly agitated.

Finally, he erupts into emotion, tearfully allowing the meaning of the words to sink in. This scene is a powerful signification of what trauma can do to a human being.

It is also a testament to the importance of anyone who has experienced trauma embracing the irrefutable reality that it is not their fault.

The character Will may have been a victim of what’s often referred to as “big T trauma,” which can include serious abuse or a life-threatening event.

However, a person does not have to have experienced an explicitly existential event to experience trauma. “Little t trauma” comprises events that may not sound as dramatic as that of war, devastation, or extreme violence, but that significantly impact individuals by causing them distress, fear, or pain and, therefore, change the way they see themselves, other people, and the world around them.

Too often, people seek excuses to dismiss, bury, or overlook both big and little t trauma. They may tell themselves “it was not that bad,” “others had it worse,” or “remembering won’t do any good anyway.” Or they even say things like, “I deserved it,” “I was a bad/difficult kid,” “or “yes, it was hard at the time, but it made me the strong independent person I am today.”

sneeky peeky – As the Beautiful PINK says it so well, Beautiful Trauma,

They’re resistant to facing what they endured and what it’s done to them.

Whether we try to bury or ignore it or not, the impact of a person’s trauma remains. The American Psychological Association wrote that “traumaticevents challenge an individual’s view of the world as a just, safe and predictable place.”

Back to my thoughts see my link about my own life… https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/29/can-you-identify-who-is-more-driven-to-suicide/https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/29/can-you-identify-who-is-more-driven-to-suicide/

This shake-up to a person’s very worldview changes the course of their life.

“The effects of unresolved trauma can be devastating,” wrote Dr. Peter Levine, author of Healing Trauma.

Like I said, in my previous link on this page….. https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/29/can-you-identify-who-is-more-driven-to-suicide/

“It can affect our habits and outlook on life, leading to addictions and poor decision-making.

It can take a toll on our family life and interpersonal relationships. It can trigger real physical pain, symptoms, and disease. And it can lead to a range of self-destructive behaviors.”

The emotional or physical abuse and the pain people have experienced early in life bends them out of shape in many ways, most of which the person is unaware. The mistreatment of an individual within a family is something my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone(link is external), has described as a “human rights violation(link is external).” He’s written extensively about the toll interpersonal pain and traumatic childhood conditions can have on a person’s freedom and expression of individuality, including that they lead to the formation of powerful psychological defenses(link is external).

“No child is born bad or sinful; rather, the psychological defenses that children form early in life are appropriate to actual situations that threaten the emerging self,” wrote(link is external) Firestone.

“These defenses attempt to cope with and minimize painful experiences and emotions suffered in one’s developmental years; however, as noted, the defensive adaptation tends to become increasingly dysfunctional.”

People who have experienced trauma may form these defensive adaptations to protect themselves early in life, but these very adaptations can go on to limit them when danger is no longer present.

Young children who’ve experienced trauma tend to internalize much of their pain, blaming themselves for their suffering and struggling with feelings of guilt and shame.

This is especially true of trauma experienced at the hands of parents and trusted family members, as young children often find it too threatening to see the faults of their parents fully.

When a child is born, trusting their parents is a matter of survival, and seeing their parent as neglectful, uncaring, or even abusive can feel like a threat to that survival.

As a result, the child forms defenses to cope with painful circumstances, and they internalize their suffering, seeing it as a reflection of some deficiency in their own personality.

They distort their image of themselves to make sense of their maltreatment and believe themselves deserving of the pain they endure. It never fails to surprise me when children as young as 5-years-old reveal their “critical inner voice(link is external)s,” harsh, self-hating attacks that they think about themselves.

Where did these ideas come from and how do they influence the child’s formation of their self?

My Captain, My Captain

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