Hello Cindii here,
I have amended this to include a very private bit of one story that occurred to me.. so you have an idea what happens.. so please read.. comments would be lovely if you wish… if you don’t all good.. this is all about understanding…and sharing a story of hope….
I wanted to share with you a few truths about my journey to date, I have experienced many chapters that often can be beautiful, make you smile, love, desire, trust, cherish, those words that you don’t often see in posts.
We are more likely to see words like, I had a terrible day because, I didn’t get out of bed because, I feel sad, I can’t stop feeling like I am a bad person, Why am I worthless, What did I do to you, How come I feel so ashamed, I want to kill myself!
Now those above are definately HUGE…… WARNING SIGNS, and to be perfectly honest, I have used everyone of them and more, only to me and only in my head I use them unless I am speaking to someone I trust enough to tell them too. (it took me years and years to understand why I felt so low for so long)
So, how to stop your little “minions” in your head?!?
Well, you have to forse yourself to say things nice about YOU… easy? is it?
It is yes 🙂
Well, the first step is reading my post, so thank you if you are suffering any of those emotional words and I want to say something to you, “You will be okay, if you allow yourself “this”, take those steps to help “YOU”, because I felt all of those words and more my dear reader and it hurt my soul, deeply, I felt like I was worth nothing, and it was distroying everything I was, and wanted to live for and that isn’t fair to live a life having those emotional words in your head, right!
So, I guess my journey perhaps a little off center you could say how I ended up getting help – long story personal story.. perhaps for a book that may come out later when all are dead… (that was a joke)
Life is about learning, And, yes look above, “Don’t be so hard on yourself”, we all do it, we all think that we are not good enough, so I am here to tell you, Boulderdash, and Bees wax, you SO, ARE!!!!
This picture is me a little enhanced at Easter however, still it is me, smiling, happy, I don’t look at all sad now do I?
Well, I was, I was so down, and battelling with me it was taking my life away within an instant, “my flashbacks where so bad, that I thought that I was dying, I recall, pleading over the telephone, to my husband, saying I had been raped too many times I don’t and still wont put that number down here”!!!
My heart sank, I was in such shock my entire body was trembling under me, I was home alone, and I felt empty, humiliated, I felt that my life was over, and there was nothing within that moment of time that you could say, do or even give me to make me feel better once I acknowedged that horrid number!!
I cried my eyes out, and then shock hit me.. I went white, my body was trembling, swet was dripping off me like a tap and my breath was just about “done”!
I wanted out!!!!
I wanted to die, I wanted nothing else but, to end my life because I felt like I was worthless!!
I had enough energy to get up I walked into my spare room and I forsed myself to do my timeline to see exactly that number…. and I was right!
Then suddenly it hit me, I felt better, I have no idea what it was, I think it was finding out that 1 person had hurt me multiple times and for some stupid reason I was relieved to read that… well, at least I felt morbidly better..
Seriously, how does that sound?
I felt better because 1 person raped me multiple times?? WTF???
So, now what? Well, as we all do we live, and that is exactly what I wanted to do, I wanted to live happier, love those that I care about, and live a life that I really feel passionate about because my life looking back was shit!!
And, frankly, I don’t care how other perseve me, I really could give a hoot about anyones rude behaviour because I am me, and I am strong enough, to get through all that has been done to me.
Why because I am worth it!!
And so are you!!!
So here is my suggestions to living a life worth living and loving yourself because you deserve to live it !!!!
“Never ever, allow another to take something off you without your approval, without your, acknowledgement, without your concent”
So, here I am after 3 years or take a few months if you wish, happier, getting healthier, and definately doing what I want to do and that is helping others that have suffered the same as I have suffered.
I also want to help couples, love better, kinder, sexier, hotter, push themselves to a point of understanding why they are attracted to one another… or push our own boundaries because we are worth every moment from the day we are born…
My motto is ………….. for gods sakes life is too short lick the bloody spoon, will you!!
Look for your warning signs like I did….. below I had more than those, let me give you the hot tip!!!
I used this term, “Ground hog day”, The never-ending Story and I use, “The Trueman Show”, those titles are about reflecting on a part of your life that hurt your soul and it was brushed under the carpet so no one knew it was that messy.
The only solution for erasing or at least diminishing those titles is about learning and listening and understanding a new yet odd language of life, this takes devotions, a wanting to let it go, a strength within yourself to understand neglect, harm, trauma, all those words and more I wanted to set yourself FREE.
Okay, how do you do that?
Well, it takes time, it takes patience, it takes trust, respect yourself and those around you to help you evolved into the beautiful human you can be..
Firstly, you need to find someone who has the background that can help you move forward, then you need to trust that you’re not going to be harmed by the person you chose to help you.
What do you look for in a counselor or therapist or even a trust friend, partner or family member:
However, I would recommend the first two suggestions Counsellor or therapist mainly because they will give you the tools to help you going forward.
Here are some suggestions that I would say to you to do:
Make sure your ready to do this each persons experience can and will affect you and you have to make sure that you understand this before you even go down this path.
If your trauma is sexual, abusive, harmful experience that you went through you must seek a professional as they will help you cope with using tools that will help you cope with these epoxides.
- So make sure you feel ready for this new journey of letting go of your past!
- Make sure you have plenty of rest, you eat well and are exercising or at least physically fine before you do any sessions with anyone.
- No DRUGS!!!!!!
- No alcohol on an ongoing basis this will distort your thoughts and run you down
- Remember it isn’t your fault and you must understand what may have occurred will not harm you going forward by talking about it with a professional.
- Drink Water it will hydrate you
These first steps are set because I understand on all the above as I myself have suffered from drinking too much, having drugs to numb me and health and hygiene is a MUST, with depression and sadness, any trauma, you will become a sloth!! Sorry, you WILL time will not heal you with isolation, depression, anxiety, sadness, it will kill you.. so please understand I am trying to give you sound advice…
How did I feel about me: “I hated me, I hated them, I hated everything about ME, and then some!!
After you have managed to set yourself free of those nastier, you then decide who should I use as good counsellors..theraphist or even a psychologist, I will help you with some by adding them to the bottom of this post.
Okay, so your ready to find a good counsellor or therapist!!
- Find a therapist that has the tools with your trauma, sadness, depression or anxiety that you’re experiencing
- Ask questions…. it is your right to ask them to your chosen person that you will be telling your trauma too!!
- Understand your rights… they have a duty of care to report anyone they feel will harm you or perhaps you will harm another.. this is just the set rules of any type of professional and they should inform you on the first session.
- Remember they are not your BEST friend, they are a sounding board for you to talk to, cry to, understand yourself and help you move forward in your journey of life!
So, if you wanted to invite them to a BBQ, they will decline as they are only there to help you find those tools in moving forward to a better life.
Now remember it is all up to you… you will experience episodes of joy, happiness, and most of all if it was trauma or abuse, you could possibly in fact WILL have flashbacks of that time in your life … relax, it will get better…
Trust your journey Like I have it is about understanding yourself and allowing you to live a better happier and for for filling life going forward.
Now, just so you know, we are only human, we do cry, we get angry we will yell, scream, get confused and have times of sorrow.
However, with the right help you will discover that life can and will be better if you allow yourself to be Open and most of all keep your pride and ego at the door when you enter because that my friends, is everyone’s Achilles!!
The time it took me is over 3 years this all depends on your personal experiences in your life.. so understand it isnt a quick fix.. however, it is a life better lived if you are brave enough to allow yourself to do this..
My suggestion is do it!! For YOU!!
Counselling Support is below:
Mens Health Help contacts:
Child Help for parents: