Who is Watching YOU??


If you have one of those friends who thinks they are being tracked by I dunno, perhaps Aliens.. then I suggest you watch this video….

Handy tracking numbers that will revile ALL…

 

Watch this Video and track who is tracking you on your Mobile Phone..

Did you know that anyone can get your personal information and read your private messages?

We’ve gathered the most useful codes for smartphones all in one video, together with some instructions on how to detect intruders.

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My Story growing up in 1973-1980’s ……Kid’s Played outside……


Children played outside, they rode their bikes everyday, they never ventured in the house and we never had televisions, mobile phones nor did we have expensive stereos to play with…

My Story as a kid growing up – it sure was different!

I wanted share a few amazing wonderful, beautiful, Crazy experiences as a kid that we all went through in those years.

We sure were brought up with a different view in life and how children were punished for being naughty was a little different to what kids call abuse these days.

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Some of us have different ways of expressing things that should be difficult to talk about like for example, the wooden spoon on the butt, the belt, the slap of a large hand,  years of mum yelling at us kids, abuse that perhaps would be considered as too much as a child or perhaps it was warranted as a child due to those days when your parents would smack you for being naughty.

We all look at things differently and some of us brush it off as being silly, noisy, don’t tell tales, children were seen and not heard, we in those years never spoke much about teachers who maybe liked taking you out of school just to touch your pretty blonde hair.

Or you wouldn’t talk about kids that you lived down the street holding you back while they touched your brother inappropriately and held me down by sitting on top of a small child to stop me from screaming they would hold my face down into the dirt while taking down my brothers pants thinking they where being funny.

Those days us kids where full of secrets of never telling our parents because apart from that era of not doing anything about it they also would smack you for lying because they really didn’t have the tools to understand somethings did occur to us kids.

I have many stories some funny some a little weird and some darn right wrong, I saw a lot of things mostly because of my own curiosity and fun nature this is a very attractive to some that like spirited little girls who had a bit of sassy inside them like me.

My brother and I were active skinny kids that got up early and we played outside all day long with our friends down the street, we loved our weekends and even after school so never a dull moment ever really went by with us two.

Regardless of whether my parents thought we got along or not we did spend most of our childhood with each other we would ride our bikes everywhere, beach, down the street, we would go to the track and race each other we even used to line kids up and jump over them with our BMX’ bikes we did everything and anything in those days.

We lived down the street from a creek and would always come home dripping in lime because my brother could never crawl across the pipes without falling into the creek and me pulling him out both dirty horribly messy slime dripping from our clothing and of course all in our hair.

My mother once she would see this of us pair coming home looking like really rotten kids that she never asked us if we had fun she assumed that I was the trouble maker and my brother was the child that was scorned by me due to how she felt about life I guess.

Just so you can follow what I am trying to say my brother was 15 months older and he was born with a disability they called it Boarder line slow learner!

What the hell that title really meant I didn’t care all I knew was he was my big brother and I loved him to bits we did have a bloody great time together as kids too I might add.

I remember that my mum she tried hard but, was ever so angry in those times seemed to think that it was my fault that my brother wasnt like every other child for me it was that she blamed me for his disability and I felt her anger every time she hit me.

I wasnt an innocent child at all but, I didn’t feel that I really understood why I would get a belting for being his little sister and why I struggled to understand why my mum that I loved with all my might I felt that she didnt love me quite as much as she loved my brother.

Mum, in those days had to fight a lot with others to be heard I think she was very frustrated at a lot of things that should have been easier but, unfortunately, she wasnt helped because not many people really understood or had the tools to help her.

The schools in our era didn’t have facilities that they have now a days so my brother would be left sitting outside on the bench because the teachers found it all too hard and my brother was neglected by teachers because frankly he was not like the other kids in the class.

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I believe he was moved to many schools I think it was 4 schools and finally by the time he was 11 my school had created a class for “special needs students” they called it the “the Special class”.  It was I believe one of the very first class for children that had learning disabilities, to be honest the class was full of kids of many different disabilities and to my brother I believe it was devastating to say the least for him.

For the very first time I felt this feeling for myself firstly it was embarrassing I was only 10 and I knew my brother struggled with being their he was aware he was being stared at then he was teased and bullied and so was I.

What my parents didn’t know everyday was a drama of some stupid kid wanting to beat my brother up so that he would be normal like any other kid..  I remember a boy came up to me saying he is going to make my brother normal by beating the crap out of him so I punched him in the face and told him never to touch him.

I shouted at him (me this tiny little girl) yelling at this big bully who thought he could change my brother by beating him up.

I was angry at this kid and angry at my brother and I did this everyday after school protecting him from idiot children who never knew any better because the adults turned their heads away because it was just too hard for them to help.

Growing up as a little girl wasnt easy but, it did make me stronger, well in a way we had no choice really as kids we all did it.. some of us did it harder I remember our friends some of us didn’t have parents that would dress us nicely some had parents that didnt even care.

My brother and I where never judgemental of other kids we all had those friends that we held onto for years and years and years we hung around them everyday even the bullies our “gang” I guess was made up of at least 5 to 6 kids each day and we grew up with them and we had a ball of course some days we had fights and some days we didn’t just like any other kids in a neighbourhood I think.

Growing up made me aware of things…

Times did change as we grew older .. you became more aware of events in your childhood that should never have occurred, your behaviour changed a little and your awareness became more present for me it did..

I started being aware of myself and how it made me feel every time I was in trouble I was more aware of me being the one that was told off , hit, smacked with a leather belt and that hurt me very much.  I could see games that my brother thought was funny but, he didn’t know any better he started lying blaming me for things and finding it funny.

However, I didn’t and no matter how much I said things where not my fault it didnt matter I would still cop the wrath of my mother who seemed to have changed into a more angry, person than I remembered her as a younger child.

I think that as we grew up and it became more obvious about my brother my mum seemed to get angrier and for some reason because it still wasnt the right thing to do for a female of a child that has a disability she kept her anger within the walls of our home.

I guess we all deal with what we know – those days for adults who had children or a child with a disability would have been very difficult and it would have been hard for her and my father.

My parents are still alive and I think both did the best they could, my mother is still caring partially for my brother who is now in his own home I am very wary of how I write about my family because I do not want to upset them or make them feel that anything was at all wrong.

So, I am lightly writing it as though they are reading it.. this is out of respect for them – you see we all grew up with a different view, the above is my light view.

Well, what that means is I lived a life with an eye of seeing and feeling things some kids perhaps would understand somethings are best unsaid…

The above is a light version of my child life – perhaps my full version may never be written however, we are all uniquely equipped by those who rear our backsides.

What does that mean?

Whatever, you want it to mean I guess…..  remember this saying?

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Please read this Message it is addressed to you ALL…. with all my love xx


Today I wanted to share with you my journey however, I have to say I would rather not go back into my past as I feel that I am done with that drama and nothing good comes from my past apart from those who I love family, friends and my husband, oh, sorry our two dogs Bella and Chino..

I believe in good people and when I say good people I mean “family”, you see not everyone has to be of the same blood line it can be great mates who made your life easier and you made theres and then you have wonderful memories of times that have past going overseas seeing beautiful places, having memories of weddings and lovely dinners with friends.

Not everything has to be dark and gloomy.. we all have a past that can or has effected us good, bad and ugly if you wish, you are not responsible for others hurting you, you are not responsible for being bullied, you are not responsible for adult treating children badly

You are only responsible for YOU being happy which can be many forms for play like, walking down the beach with your friends, watching a movie with a close friend or family, laughing at a funny joke, taking a beautiful trip overseas with a loved one.

You see the above are simple but, easy things we all have done or are doing so enjoy this time in your life and be happy for you..

No-one can take your spirit away from you, your mind is a powerful, beautiful thing you should use it and use it wisely in a good way..  in a loving way.. our mind and our hearts are simply full with love and understanding so read those books, watch those romantic movies, take your partners outside and tell them everyday that you love them.

Love is the Key you see, my biggest love in the world is my husband I hope he knows that, never met quite a character who loves, adores and will do pretty much anything for you.. and me.. (you btw means his friends and family..and me of course)

We walk a path each and everyone of us and my thoughts are try to do the best you possibly can because if you don’t the past experiences that has occurred with stop you and disable your entire life going forward.

So, my suggestion is this try and get help (I didn’t and that is probably why I had a few hitches) I came from a age where we didn’t talk such things we where told to brush your dirt off and stand up and start walking.. so I did and it did work.

Help is amazingly good for you, don’t be scared, don’t think badly of it, sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that you do not know so they can give you a more unbiast answer to help you going forward.

I do understand each day can be difficult, I do understand somedays you can hardly breath because something inside you is struggling with each and every breath, but, with help from a Professional it will get better.

They will help you with Mental Health Plans and this will help with talking to those wonderful caring people who devote their life to helping those who cannot help themselves, I have so noticed in the last 6 months there are so many of us, us yes again we who cannot help ourselves must go and get help (ME)

All I ever really wanted to be when I grew up was TWO things.. a Mother with at least 2 children, that was my first dream to be the best I could, I tried, but, obviously not hard enough my trauma of my past was too severe I didnt realise it at the time but, I did what was right.

The second thing was to be either a missionary (I know seriously gosh I so did, or a counsellor) which is exactly what I am aiming for so, let’s cross our or not fingers and I will keep you posted… oh deary me..(sorry had a bit of a giggle)

We cannot go back, re-write the past however, we can go forward and enjoy our lives with the best of our mights and live it with those who want you in their life, love them for all your might and laugh until you cannot laugh anymore..

 

I am writing this because we are all survivors of our past so please don’t let the past effort your future by being victims..

Love Franny xxx

Remember to do this below.. and live, love and laugh..

 

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Pps.. if you got down this far… the reason I didnt become a missionary I was made to watch a movie that all 3 women died.. it was quite something… I think I was 10 years old.. (trust me I am not giggling but, sounds a bit morbid, however, I do think my parents meant no harm) 🙂


Normally, I love Friday’s but, today I felt a little off and then I felt a lot off!!

The doctor yesterday said that I would have these up’s, downs, sideways, he then said which internally I thought “oh Shit”, that this is only the beginning!!

Fuck, that pissed me off, I was a little confused how I got here so damn quickly!!

I still cannot believe that I will be 50, trust me it isn’t the age, it’s that feeling of NOOOOOOO, this is so unkind I am only just starting to understand and that Is the Hot tipper, that is the upsetting part!!

I have been feeling very raw with my total sense of being, it’s like the Earth wants to swallow me up and I want to go (not a bad thing) its more of a grounded or like my senses are all so tender and my eyes are so damn open a little bit of me wants to squint them shut!

Everything, seems so cereal, like I have said, many times I felt like Movie, where he is the STAR and discovers that everything was fake!

“THE TRUMAN SHOW”

I recall his last words, even though he used humour to try and covered it up however, his eyes gave the hurt and that feeling of betrayal staring right at you!

When you start to enjoy your journey, your strength starts to open up like a flower on a hot Summers day, it seems like “perfect”, then sometimes as my hormones have been chaotic with my brain (some would say she isn’t so different) but, I am, my feelings are more pure, without fear, judgement, but, then with this feeling I can also feel the people around me and I went from smiling to frowning deep inside myself.

A part of me was worried and a little of me feared that “once again” I have to do my shorter journey on my own.. and that just upset me and made me feel very insecure let me tell you that feeling of being open to feel that emotion isn’t fun!

I told my sister-in-law that it took me such a long time to build those walls, it wasn’t that I want them up it was that they where not up and that made me scared that those who I had thought was walking with me.. kind of stopped still and I was still walking looking up happy, then suddenly I looked back and saw their faces of fright or that there feet were stuck to the floor like they could not walk or in fact that they didn’t want too!!

Being Single isn’t the scary part for me.. that is the easiest part

However, Walking a Journey SOLO, now that is like you might as well slit my wrists and check me into the next cemetery vacancy.. CUZ, I am not going down this path again by myself 

Alone is fine… for example sitting alone reading a book…

Not walking a beautiful path solo with no one to share it with. NOW??

 

I have always walked solo, and for the first time in my entire life as a person I had others walking with me and I felt amazing, I still do but, today I did have these “cold moments that perhaps I was wrong and I was walking alone once again”.

Insecurity, doesn’t work well with me, at all, in my past it was like everyday of my young life, I had to work at altering my entire personality to be someone that I was not born to be and that was HARD!!

I literately, created or invented a separate person that had strength and this emptiness that I cannot even describe to you who this girl “thing” was!

With each hurting experience I changed, I became harsh, harder, until “nothing” !!

I have this ability (sounds really stupid) If I allow myself to bond with another its like I can see their soul, it’s weird, I get these feelings of chilled moments, then I will see something not so good in someone, and that isn’t something easy to witness.

There is a lot of reasons for people to be who and how they walked their path and I try not to judge because I have seen this within me, the best way I can describe this picture is kind people will always be kind people.

Those traits that kind people have are never erased from their selves, then for a moment in their body language, or speech or even a turning glance I go “there, OH, No”.  It takes my breath away sometimes, because that “PURE PAIN”, that is “PURE AGONY” that appears so quickly like the wind because they have created this part of them down to a perfect tea of their own Protection!!

These people are beautiful souls, but, some, will NEVER LET YOU IN!!!!!

I get that feeling of self hate, of never wanting to trust someone with your heart again because you know that they will cut it up and put it in a wheelie bin…

They are my people, I am their people, however, it is the most hardest journey in the WORLD for us to believe each other not because we don’t like one another but, because we are the SAME as one another..

Hurt, beautiful, kind, Nasty, patient, cruel, selfless, selfish, do you see or understand that you, me, us are exactly the same… Why keep hurting each other and STOP for 1 damn moment and STOP for a minute!!

Stop for a minute!!!!!!!!!!!

STOP FOR A BLOODY MINUTE SO I CAN TELL YOU WE ARE ALL THE SAME LIKE MINDED BEAUTIFUL SOULS..

Who need to give one another a break and allow ourselves that chance to live… and have a happy life open, to a endless possibility of being happy, laughing loudly and live your life free from stress, fear, all those revolting anchors that hold us all down and say to us on a constant basis YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

I say BULLSHIT, we ARE…. and we WILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are not those people who hurt others… stop going forward to them.. and start loving yourself and those that love you…

This is a very short life we are alive…. Please, don’t make it even shorter… cuz, that to me isnt living that is something entirely different.. its called being BLIND

If you understand what I said above I would love to hear from you.. both if you wish or others that have felt that above…

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As a young girl I was head strong, stubborn (still am actually) pig headed, I knew it all…

However, I “hated anyone knowing I needed someone to HELP ME”

It doesn’t matter how old you get or weather you are a young girl, a young teenager or a young women or even my age we all have the same trait…

This goes also for men and it is even harder for them to ask and say, if you don’t mind I would really love you to “listen to me” without your saying a thing!!!

I even forgot to listen to my friend Katie, when she was talking we somehow without us even being aware that we are doing this we tend to share our feelings when we hear certain things that a person is saying to you.

But, what we forget is to “Stop, wait, listen and hear those words by watching their body language and face and so many, many things we all forget to do..

Luckly, Katie, knows me so well, and said, Francesca, which I then went oh crap I did it again… however, since I have started this counselling I am learning.. and will keep learning until the day I die.. because I love it and I love to help others the difference is now I am starting to “get it” I am starting to understand what that spoken word is and I can do this because I have done alot of soul searching on myself with help of course.

Did you notice something I just said, WITH HELP…. OMG…

So you see my lovly viewers we all need to listen but, most of all we need someone that understands us and will hopefully guild us to a better place within ourselves to live on tis beautiful world called Earth.

Anyway, I wanted to share this again..“IT is the hardest thing to ask…. to allow ourselves to open up and share our feelings, to trust that person that is standing in front of us saying to you I am here and I am not going anywhere…”

And that is my promise…. I will never go away, I will always try and help you that is within my reach or I will definately guild you to someone that can help you better..

And that is My promise to you… love Franny xxx

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HUMAN NEEDS, ARE SOMETHING WE ‘ALL” SHOULD LEARN

Human Needs is the hardest Needs to meet

(my opinion)

Why would you EVER walk passed a child that is HOMELESS, I feel so selfish sometimes when I think about my past..

I think it is because when I see a child that requires help like this video I always, always think about my OWN NEEDS… which reflects to my SON’S NEEDS..

This gets me upset.. mainly because I know deep down that my own Story always comes up… I wonder what that means????

So, perhaps even though I am going on a Tangent… right now… let’s address this…. However, Let’s NOT.. just yet…..

Not yet…….. My own story will be said ONCE I define what My own story is.. but, for now..  I am learning with you ALL… so let’s begin to learn something that will HELP, each other Learn…

I want you too meet LIZZIE, so lovely and so humble… and so damn well BEAUTIFUL!!!

 

What defines YOU?????

 

Featured post

Before I start this I am using my name and my husbands name in some senario’s cuz atm… I am a little upset with my husband for yelling at me to get a point across which he didnt have to do… 

If a point needs to be communicated you are best to NOT use Volume to tell it.. so let me begin… gritted teeth and all…..

“Woooosa…. Calm… myself… think of happy places…. ok let us begin..”

 

In cognitive therapy we focus on the way that you think about things. (which is one of many that I am studying)

When we are distressed, we have automatic thoughts — that is, thoughts that come to us spontaneously, seem true and generally go unexamined. (at this present time while I type this in a positive frame)

Sometimes your thoughts are accurate and sometimes they are biased.

But the first thing to do is to identify what you are thinking.

  • Look at the list of typical thoughts that distressed couples have and ask yourself if any of these are true for you.

You can also consider alternative ways to view what is going on — as I suggest below.

Sometimes we get stuck in the way we think and then withdraw, attack or give up.

  • The first question to ask is, “Is there a different way to think about this?”

Labeling

You attribute a negative personality trait to your partner, leading you to believe that he or she can never change:

  • “He’s passive-aggressive” twit head and I wish he would go for a flying leap!!
  • “She’s neurotic,crazy,  fcukwit (hate that word but, yes we use it towards each other let’s be honest now).”
  • “Why doesnt he just go away and never return (never say this out loud plus I do not like saying this EVER)

As an alternative, rather than label your partner, you can look for “variability” in his behavior.

  1. “Sometimes he withdraws and sometimes he interacts with me.
  2. Let me ask him what might lead him to withdraw.

Think about what you say to each other to make each other withdraw… we tend to trigger each other by using sentences that we so, know is either going to hurt, hinder and make sure he or she gets how angry you are when you say them!!!

Right????

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Telling someones Future by putting them down.. isnt the answer but, have a glance at this below:

You forecast the future and predict that things will never get better, leaving you feeling helpless and hopeless the below we all USE it be honest…..we say this to each other:

  • “He’ll never change”;
  • “I’ll always be unhappy in my marriage.”
  • See, exactly, it, your behaviour is not tollerated (what does this one sound like????? Seriously, your speaking to each other not a child you are raising)
  • I told ya so, I knew you would say that remark!
  • You never have my back, you never support me ever!!
  • You like him better than me!!
  • I knew you had the hots for her scrawny ASS
  • I had a feeling that you are cheating on me and NOW I KNOW!!!!!

An alternative to this is to focus on specific things that you can say or do now — such as the exercises described in this piece.

Another good option is to look back at positive experiences that you have to challenge your idea that nothing will improve.

You can also play a little game called“Catch Your Partner Being Good.” Just list every positive every day and then share it with each other.

So, just in case after the above you forgot those words of positive affimations I will help you hehehe:

  • Your beautiful baby thank you for getting me the Champas
  • Did you do that for me, your just lovely,
  • Simply this, I love you!
  • Hello Handsome (I love this one)
  • Your beautiful honey
  • Thank you sweetheat

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You might be surprised what you are doing that is working already — if you only noticed.

What is Mind_her_reading (made that up)

Mindreading is the actual word 🙂

You interpret your partner’s motivations as hostile or selfish on the basis of very little evidence:

  • “You don’t care how I feel”;
  • “You’re saying that because you’re trying to get back at me.”
  • “Why is it that you always hurt my feelings”
  • “I tell you my pain and you use it against me!!! WHY (I have used that one before)

Rather than engaging in mind-reading, you can ask your partner what he meant or how she is feeling.

Sometimes it’s beneficial to give your partner the benefit of the doubt:

  • “She’s simply taking a little time to unwind or remove that broom that is shoved up her ass or his ass depending hehehe” is a better interpretation than
  • He doesn’t find me interesting, boring, sexy, pretty, intellegent.”
  • He or she is boring,sexless,etc…
  • I have lost that loving feeling with her/him

Then all of a sudden the goodlooking male/female neighbour down the street looks better than your own partner (what are you thinking??)

Manic or Conflict Thinking

You treat conflict or problems as if they indicate that the world has ended or that your marriage is a disaster:

  • “I can’t stand her nagging”
  • “It’s awful that we haven’t had sex recently.” (both havent, not just one persons fault)
  • He hates me everyday
  • She isnt the person I married (heard that before once or twice let me give you the hot tip)
  • I hate you for calling me my mothers name!!!!! You know how I feel about that women!! (this can be directed to either sex man or women)

A better way of looking at this is that all couples face problems — some of them quite upsetting.

Rather than look at an obstacle or a problem as “terrible,” you might validate that it is difficult for both of you but that it is also an opportunity to learn new skills in communicating and interacting.

Problems can be learning experiences and can provide some new ways to grow.

Emotional Reasoning

You feel depressed and anxious, and you conclude that your emotions indicate that your marriage is a failure.

  • “We must have a terrible marriage because I’m unhappy”;
  • “I don’t have the same feelings toward him that I used to; therefore, we’re no longer in love.”
  • We have grown apart that is why we have separated
  • She/He doesnt get me.. but, I still love him/her so much

A better way of looking at your emotions is that your feelings may go up and down, depending on what you and your partner are doing.

Emotions are changeable and don’t always tell you about how good things can be. It’s also important to ask yourself,

“What are we doing when we feel better together?” Then do more of those positives.

Negative Filter

You focus on the few negative experiences in your relationship and fail to recognize or recall the positives.

  • You probably bring up past history in a series of complaints that sounds like you’re putting your partner on trial:
  • “You were rude to me last week”;
  • “You talked to that other person and ignored me entirely.”
  • This is where “Catch Your Partner Doing Good” is so helpful — it allows you to look at things without the dark lens on.
  • You can also keep a list of positives about your partner to remind you to put the “negatives” in perspective.

We all do dumb things at times, but it’s useful to take off the negative filter and remind ourselves of the positives.

    1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

You describe your interactions as being all good or all bad without examining the possibility that some experiences with your partner are positive:

  • “You’re never kind toward me”
  • “You never show affection”
  • “You’re always negative.”
  • “It’s always your fault”
  • Stop Blaming me, it’s not me it’s you

Whenever you use the words “always” and “never,” try assuming that you are wrong.

For example, when Franny began looking for positives from Courtney, she realized that he was affectionate at times and that he was rewarding to her as well.

The best way to test out your distorted and biased negative thinking is to look at the facts.

Maybe the facts aren’t as terrible as they seem to be.

Discounting the Positive – putting doubt within yourself…

You may recognize the positive things in your relationship but disregard them:

  • “That’s what a wife or husband, couples should do”,
  • “Well, so what that he did that? It means nothing?”;
  • “These are trivial things that you’re talking about.”

Every positive should be counted — it’s the only way to build up good will. In fact, if you start counting the positives rather than discounting them, they will no longer seem trivial to both of you.

Courtney, was happy to learn that the very little things that he was doing, like complimenting Franny, made a big difference to her.

This in turn made him less critical. And Courtney began keeping track of Franny positives, which helped him recognize that an occasional negative — which was probably due to depression — was outweighed by the many good things in their relationship.

Best of’s???

You have a list of “commandments” about your relationship (when you’re depressed, upset, angry) or your partner (does also feel the same way at times) for not living up to your “best of’s.”

There is no end to these nagging negative thoughts feelings when we feel this way (we must remember to be mindful of each other)

Examples are:

  • “My partner should always know what I want without my asking.”
  • “If my partner doesn’t do what I want her to do, I should punish her.”
  • “I shouldn’t ever be unhappy (bored, angry, etc.) with my partner.”
  • “I shouldn’t have to work at a relationship; it should come naturally.”
  • “I shouldn’t have to wait for change; it should come immediately.”
  • “My partner should change first.”
  • “It’s all his fault, so why should I change?”
  • “If I don’t get my way, I should complain (pout, withdraw, give up, etc.).”
  • “Our sex life should always be fantastic.”
  • “If I’m attracted to other people, it means that I shouldn’t stay in this marriage.”
  • “I should try to win in all our conflicts.”
  • “My partner should accept me just the way I am.”
  • “If we’re having problems it means we have an awful relationship.”

Now, be honest with yourself.

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Are these “the best ofs” helping or hurting you and your relationship?

I guarantee that if you have a lot of them, you are pretty unhappy.

Rather than talk about the way things “should” be, you might consider how you can make things better.

  • Replace your shoulds with “how to” and “let’s try.”
  • Rather than “We should have a better sex life,”  (I must admit I say this all the time in my head) you might try action statements such as
  • “We can give each other a massage” or you can tie me up and spank me if I am bad (joking or am I??)
  • “We can set up a time to be affectionate.”

You won’t make progress by “doing” on each other. (sounds rather rude it is suppose to be rude god help me)

Personalizing (in case you are lost this means being nice to each other)

You attribute your partner’s moods and behavior to something about yourself, or you take all the blame for the problems:

  • “He’s in a bad mood because of me”;
  • “If it weren’t for me, we wouldn’t have any of these problems.”
  • It’s my fault he is acting like this
  • I left and wanted out of the marriage!!!
  • He’s a nice guy, it’s my fault this didn’t work out
  • I tried and he didn’t try

It’s almost never all about one person REMEMBER THIS ONE!!

it takes two to tango and two to be miserable.

Franny was doing a lot of personalizing, thinking that Courtney wanted to be alone because he found her boring.

But really Courtney was so burned out at the end of the day that he needed a little while to cool down.

  • It wasn’t about Fran’s THOUGHTS OF NEGITIVE
  • It was about Courtney’s day, and how it affected him and him alone (nothing to do with me)

Remember ladies and Gents we meaning Men and Women on this wonderful Earth we are different and we do think differently and here is the HOT TIP… if you DONOT communicate this…. then your little silly mind will do it for you… so STOP thinking and start TALKING to each other (rolling the eyes at you including myself..ok, ok)

Perfectionism  (using our names in this one)

You hold up a standard for a relationship that is unrealistically high and then measure your relationship by this standard. “It’s not like it was in the first year, so it’s not worth it”; “We have problems, so our relationship can’t work out.”

The problem with perfectionism is that it is bound to make you miserable.

You may think that you are holding up your ideals, but you are really putting you and your partner down.

No relationship is perfect — and no relationship needs to be perfect.

Once Courtney and Franny recognized how futile and depressing perfectionism was, they were able to work constructively on their relationship.

“I realized that we would never have exactly what we wanted from each other, but we could still get a lot our needs met,” Courtney, finally said.

It was a breakthrough to give up on having to be perfect and demanding the same from Franny.

Blaming (my favourate)

You believe that all the problems in the relationship are caused by your partner: “If it weren’t for her, we wouldn’t have these problems”; “He argues with me; that’s why we can’t get along.”

Again, there is a grain of truth in almost any negative thought, but blaming your partner will make you feel helpless and trapped.

A better way of approaching this is to take a “Let’s fix it together” approach.

You can validate each other, share responsibility for the problems, plan to catch each other being good, reward each other, plan positives together, and accept some differences.

It sure beats blaming each other and becoming victims.

Hate that word Victims…. Why did they blame me….. winge moan, winge moan, I am a Nice person….. if you are a nice person guess what…. It is none of your beez wax…

We think we help others but, what we do.. is we give the other person reasons to use what you say in an arguement and then that good news you gave them.. Guess what, they used it and they are now at each others necks with … I hate you ever after crap…

Use nice words, Try and be the best you can be… we are only human so be mindful of each other and BE NICE…

The End Franny xx

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I will leave you with my new saying:

I change the World I see by first changing it with me!!

Thank you and please leave a thumbs up or down.. please comment and tell me if you agree or disagree… thank you and may you be happy within yourself first.. and foremost xxx

Featured post

Now, let’s look at this one – what we think, isn’t actually what we feel!!

Even I have a problem in feeling vunrable..

and Seeing what is real and what could be..

 

We are scared to open up because we don’t want to be let down!!

We feel something but, then we try our hardest not too or at least fluff it down because we won’t allow ourselves to be hurt!!

I get it.. I do it.. I have always done it!!

“Shocked”

Don’t be…!!!

We all do it

I have been there with my heart and I have hurt terribly with my heart.. so it’s difficult to allow myself to feel or to be brave…

 

Now watch… this is so true…so many people are in LOVE and Not together… and those who are not in LOVE are together…  be careful that we are not those.. interesting isn’t it… words .. how words are written and how words are said…


TRIGGERS…A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma.

For me it was a random picture that was sent to my phone on Thursday it was obscene and darn right nasty… that is what set me off more than anything… it was a picture of semen in a pair of underpants.. then it was a message asking me to give this person a BLOW JOB for $100..

I kindly declined.. but it did upset me as you can imagine

So, Triggers… can be..the above or the below keep reading

Triggers are very personal different things trigger different people.
The survivor may begin to avoid situations and stimuli that she/he thinks triggered the flashback.

She/he will react to this flashback, trigger with an emotional intensity similar to that at the time of the trauma.

A person’s triggers are activated through one or more of the five senses: sight, sound, touch, smell and taste.

The senses identified as being the most common to trigger someone are sight and sound, followed by touch and smell, and taste close behind.

A combination of the senses is identified as well, especially in situations that strongly resemble the original trauma. Although triggers are varied and diverse, there are often common themes.

Sight

Often someone who resembles the abuser or who has similar traits or objects (ie. clothing, hair colour, distinctive walk).
Any situation where someone else is being abused (ie. anything from a raised eyebrow and verbal comment to actual physical abuse).
The object that was used to abuse
The objects that are associated with or were common in the household where the abuse took place (ie. alcohol, a piece of furniture, time of year).
Any place or situation where the abuse took place (ie. specific locations in a house, holidays, family events, social settings).
Sound

Anything that sounds like anger (ie. raised voices, arguments, bangs and thumps, something breaking).

Anything that sounds like pain or fear (ie. crying, whispering, screaming).

Anything that might have been in the place or situation prior to, during, or after the abuse or reminds her/him of the abuse (ie. sirens, foghorns, music, cricket, chirping, car door closing).

Anything that resembles sounds that the abuser made (ie. whistling, footsteps, pop of can opening, tone of voice).

Words of abuse (ie. cursing, labels, put-downs, specific words used).
Smell

Anything that resembles the smell of the abuser (ie. tobacco, alcohol, drugs, aftershave, perfume).

Any smells that resemble the place or situation where the abuse occurred (ie. food cooking, wood, odors, alcohol).
Touch

Anything that resembles the abuse or things that occurred prior to or after the abuse (ie. certain physical touch, someone standing too close, petting an animal, the way someone approaches you).
Taste

Anything that is related to the abuse, prior to the abuse or after the abuse (ie. certain foods, alcohol, tobacco).

 

 

I can refer you to my own recommendations – awaiting approval…

 

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