External Validation: (here is an example of what I mean)
I Need Others To Like Me And Think I Am Smart, what does it have to do with being smart???
I guess its about what story your telling people is it about how wonderful a person you are and what I have as in cars, houses, things!!!
However, I would NEVER use this as a negitive regarding my wellbeing,
Example of a friend…
her/his childhood abuse that was inflicted to me as a child, nor would I use this as the rape, drugging, and being reduced to a piece of shit that someone made me feel once upon a time, now would I?
Here is a few areas I found in relation to seeking “good” and “negitive” validation, becareful that you end up thinking what you cannot do… Let’s change this because if you require validation from others because you find it helpful then do it….
Don’t allow others to cloud your judgement because they feel that your doing it too often, perhaps its because you feel that they are not LISTENING!!!
I personally feel that it is a very sad area and in most cases it can be a solo event and a very alone feeling of isolation when people suffer such torment in their lives.
I should now its taken me 50 years to tell a story and I DO NOT want validation
It breaks my heart how many people are so nasty and so quick in saying your seeking External Validation for your pain??????
Here below is some facts… that I would like to share for an external area (pardon the pun)
Validation for Healing and Personal Growth
People who have been abused, mistreated, hurt, or wronged in any other way almost universally seek validation. We talk to others, tell our stories, write about it, and express it in other ways.
Even perpetrators do it because, in their mind, they are the ones being wronged even though they are the ones harming others—but that’s a separate topic. Here, we will only talk about people who were actually wronged and we will exclude scenarios where a perpetrator seeks validation or actually receives enabling.
Everyone in their own mind wants to make sense out of their painful experiences and be validated that they are right. A commonly used way is to talk about it with others. The most productive scenario is probably to seek professional help, assuming that you can find a competent enough helper, be it a therapist, life coach, counselor, social worker, etc. But, depending on the situation, sometimes friends, family, or even strangers can do the trick.
Seeking Validation in the Wrong Places
Sadly, many people don’t have close, trusting, mature relationships. A lot of people have unsatisfying or unhealthy relationships. And so they seek validation, understanding, compassion, and support from people who are unable or unwilling to provide it.
So many people have heard phrases like, “Just get over it,” “It’s not a big deal,” “Don’t be a pussy,” “They’re your family,” “Don’t live in the past,” “How dare you blame your mother/father?” “They didn’t mean it,” “It made you stronger,” “You’re so negative,” “You swore for better or worse, together no matter what,” and so on.
Receiving such a response when you open up and share your pain can be devastating, even retraumatizing, especially coming from someone close or who is a professional. Here, people who don’t have a support system or are easily gaslighted experience confusion, self-blame, shame, and guilt. They simply wanted empathy and compassion for their pain, but encountered invalidation, minimization, dismissal, blaming, ridiculing, or guilt-tripping.
Way too often people seek validation, empathy, and compassion from the very people that hurt them. In many cases it is so because the aggrieved party is psychologically dependent on the perpetrator or even experience Stockholm syndrome. This is especially common in families where the adult-child is trying to make the caregiver accept parental responsibility and on an unconscious level desperately tries to gain love and acceptance from them.
LSD and magic mushrooms can help with mental health — and may have profound things to teach us about how the mind works.
To anyone who lived through the 1960s, the proposition that psychedelic drugs might have a positive contribution to make to our mental health must sound absurd. Along with hallucinogens such as mescaline and psilocybin (that is, magic mushrooms), LSD was often blamed for bad trips that sent people to the psych ward.
These drugs could make you crazy, REALLY, WHAT MORE CRAZY THAN DOING NOTHING AT ALL!!!
So how is it possible, 50 years later, that researchers working at institutions such as New York University, Johns Hopkins, University of California at Los Angeles and Imperial College in London are discovering that psychedelics, when administered in a supportive therapeutic setting, can make you sane?
Or that they may have profound things to teach us about how the mind works and why it sometimes fails to work?
Recent trials of psilocybin, a pharmacological cousin to LSD, have demonstrated that a single guided psychedelic session can alleviate depression when drugs such as Prozac have failed; can help alcoholics and smokers to break a lifelong habit; and can help cancer patients deal with their “existential distress” at the prospect of dying. At the same time, studies imaging the brains of people on psychedelics have opened a window on to the study of consciousness, as well as the nature of the self and spiritual experience. The 60s platitude that psychedelics would help unlock the secrets of consciousness may turn out to be not so preposterous after all.
The value of psychedelic therapy was first recognised nearly 70 years ago, only to be forgotten when what had been a promising era of research ran headlong into a nationwide moral panic in the US about LSD, beginning around 1965. With a powerful assist from Timothy Leary, the flamboyant Harvard psychology professor, psychedelics had escaped the laboratory, falling into the eager arms of the counterculture.
Yet in the decade before that there had been 1000 published studies of LSD, involving 40,000 experimental subjects, and no fewer than six international conferences devoted to what many in the psychiatric community regarded as a wonder drug.
Compared with other psychoactive compounds, these powerful and mysterious molecules were regarded as safe — it’s virtually impossible to overdose on a psychedelic — and non-addictive. Rats in a cage presented with a lever to administer drugs such as cocaine and heroin will press it repeatedly, unto death. LSD?
That lever they press only once.
This is not to say that “bad trips” don’t happen;
they do, especially when the drugs are used carelessly. People at risk for schizophrenia sometimes have psychotic breaks on psychedelics, and people surely do stupid things under the influence that can get them killed. But the more extreme claims about LSD — that it scrambled users’ chromosomes or induced them to stare at the sun until blind — were debunked long ago.
It wasn’t until the 90s that a small band of researchers began to unearth what an NYU psychiatrist describes as “a buried body of knowledge” about the therapeutic potential of psychedelics. Perhaps the most promising application of the new drugs was in the treatment of alcoholism.
Few people in Alcoholics Anonymous realise that founder Bill Wilson first got sober after a mystical experience he had on a psychedelic administered to him in 1934, or that in the 50s he sought unsuccessfully to introduce LSD therapy to AA.
In parts of Canada during the 50s, psychedelic therapy became a standard treatment for alcoholism, and a 2012 meta-analysis of the six best-controlled trials of LSD therapy for alcohol addiction during that period found a “significant beneficial effect on alcohol misuse”.
Early studies of psychedelics for the treatment of several other indications, notably including depression and anxiety in cancer patients, also showed promise.
These first-wave studies were, by contemporary standards, poorly controlled.
That’s why many of the early experiments are being reprised using more rigorous modern methods.
The early results are preliminary but encouraging: A pilot study of psilocybin for alcohol dependence conducted at the University of New Mexico found a strong enough effect to warrant a much larger phase 2 trial now under way at NYU.
Another recent pilot study, at Johns Hopkins, looked at the potential of psilocybin to help people quit smoking, one of the hardest addictions to break.
The study was tiny and not randomised — all 15 volunteers received two or three doses of psilocybin and knew it. Following what has become the standard protocol in psychedelic therapy, volunteers stretch out on a couch in a room decorated to look like a cosy den, with spiritual knick-knacks lining the bookshelves.
They wear eyeshades and headphones (playlists typically include classical and modern instrumental works) to encourage an inward journey.
Two therapists, a man and a woman, are present for the duration.
Typically these “guides” say very little, allowing the journey to take its course, but if the experience turns frightening they will offer a comforting hand or bit of advice (“trust and let go” is a common refrain).
‘The cancer is something completely out of my control, but the fear, I realised, is not’.
Participant in phase 2 trials of cancer patients
The results of the pilot study were eye-popping: six months after their psychedelic session, 80 per cent of the volunteers were confirmed to have quit smoking. At the one-year mark, that figure had fallen to 67 per cent, which is still a better rate of success than the best treatment now available.
A much larger study at Hopkins is under way.
When I asked volunteers how a psilocybin trip had given them the wherewithal to quit smoking, several described an experience that pulled back the camera on the scene of their lives further than ever, giving them a new, more encompassing perspective on their behaviour.
“The universe was so great, and there were so many things you could do and see in it, that killing yourself seemed like a dumb idea,” a woman in her 60s told me. During her journey she grew feathers and flew back in time to witness various scenes in European history;
she also died three times, watched her soul rise from her body on a funeral pyre on the Ganges, and found herself “standing on the edge of the universe, witnessing the dawn of creation”.
“It put smoking in a whole new context,” she said. It “seemed very unimportant; it seemed kind of stupid, to be honest”.
Matthew Johnson, the psychologist who directed the study at Hopkins, says these sorts of “duh moments”are common among his volunteers.
Smokers know perfectly well that their habit is unhealthy, disgusting, expensive and unnecessary, but under the influence of psilocybin that knowledge becomes an unshakeable conviction — “something they feel in the gut and the heart”.
As Johnson puts it, “These sessions deprive people of the luxury of mindlessness”— our default state and one in which addictions flourish.
Perhaps the most significant new evidence for the therapeutic value of psychedelics arrived in a pair of phase 2 trials (conducted at Johns Hopkins and NYU and published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology in 2016) in which a single high dose of psilocybin was administered to cancer patients struggling with depression, anxiety and the fear of death or recurrence.
In these rigorous placebo-controlled trials, 80 volunteers embarked on a psychic journey that, in many cases, brought them face-to-face with their cancer, their fear and their death.
“I saw my fear … located under my rib cage,” a woman with ovarian cancer told me. “It wasn’t my tumour, it was this black mass. ‘Get the f..k out,’” she screamed aloud. “And you know what? It was gone!” Years later, her fear hasn’t returned. “The cancer is something completely out of my control, but the fear, I realised, is not.”
Eighty per cent of the Hopkins cancer patients who received psilocybin showed clinically significant reductions in standard measures of anxiety and depression, an effect that endured for at least six months after their session. Results at NYU were similar.
Curiously, the degree to which symptoms decreased in both trials correlated with the intensity of the “mystical experience”that volunteers reported, a common occurrence during a high-dose psychedelic session.
Typically described as the dissolution of one’s ego followed by a merging of the self with nature or the universe, a mystical experience can permanently shift a person’s perspective and priorities.
The pivotal role of the mystical experience points to something novel about psychedelic therapy: it depends for its success not strictly on the action of a chemical but on the powerful psychological experience the chemical can occasion.
Few if any psychiatric interventions for anxiety and depression have demonstrated such dramatic and sustained results.
The trials were small and will have to be repeated on a larger scale before the government will consider approving the treatment. But when the researchers brought their data to the US Food and Drug Administration last year, regulators reportedly were sufficiently impressed to ask them to conduct a large phase 3 trial of psilocybin for depression, not only in cancer patients but also in the general population.
So how does psychedelic therapy work?
And why should the same treatment work for disorders as seemingly different as depression, addiction and anxiety?
When scientists at Imperial College began imaging the brains of people on psilocybin, they were surprised to find that the chemical, which they assumed would boost brain activity, actually reduced it, but in a specific area: the default mode network.
This is a brain network involved in “metacognitive”processes, including self-reflection, mental time travel, theory of mind (the ability to imagine mental states in others) and the generation of narratives about ourselves that help to create the sense of having a stable self over time.
The default mode network is most active when our minds are least engaged in a task — hence “default mode”.
It is where our minds go when they wander or ruminate.
The Imperial scientists found that when volunteers reported an experience of ego dissolution, magnetic resonance imaging scans of their brains showed a precipitous drop in activity in the default mode network, suggesting that this network may be the seat of the ego.
One way to think about the ego is as a mental construct that performs certain functions on our behalf. Chief among these are maintaining the boundary between the conscious and unconscious realms of the mind as well as the boundary between self and other.
So what happens when these boundaries fade or disappear under the influence of psychedelics?
Our ego defences relax, allowing unconscious material and emotions to enter our awareness and also for us to feel less separate and more connected — to other people, to nature or to the universe.
And in fact a renewed sense of connection is precisely what volunteers in the various trials for addiction, depression and cancer anxiety trials have all reported.
This points to what may be the most exciting reason to pursue the new science of psychedelics:
the possibility that it may yield a grand unified theory of mental illnesses, or at least of those common disorders that psychedelics show promise in alleviating: depression, addiction, anxiety and obsession.
All these disorders involve uncontrollable and endlessly repeating loops of rumination that gradually shade out reality and fray our connections to other people and the natural world.
The ego becomes hyperactive, even tyrannical, enforcing rigid habits of thought and behaviour; habits that the psychedelic experience, by loosening the ego’s grip, could help us to break.
That power to disrupt mental habits and “lubricate cognition” is what Robin Carhart-Harris, the neuroscientist at Imperial College who scanned the brains of volunteers on psychedelics, sees as the key therapeutic value of the drugs.
The brain is a hierarchical system, with the default mode network at the top, serving as what he variously calls “the orchestra conductor” or “corporate executive” or “capital city”.
But as important as it is to keep order in such complex system, a brain can suffer from an excess of order too.
Depression, anxiety, obsession and the cravings of addiction could be how it feels to have a brain that has become excessively rigid or fixed in its pathways and linkages — a brain with more order than is good for it.
Carhart-Harris suggests that, by taking the default mode network offline for a time, psychedelics can, in effect, “reboot” the brain, jog it out of its accustomed grooves and open a space for new pathways to arise.
Who doesn’t sometimes feel stuck in destructive habits of thought? Or couldn’t benefit from the mental reboot that a powerful experience of awe can deliver?
Today I wanted to share with you my journey however, I have to say I would rather not go back into my past as I feel that I am done with that drama and nothing good comes from my past apart from those who I love family, friends and my husband, oh, sorry our two dogs Bella and Chino..
I believe in good people and when I say good people I mean “family”, you see not everyone has to be of the same blood line it can be great mates who made your life easier and you made theres and then you have wonderful memories of times that have past going overseas seeing beautiful places, having memories of weddings and lovely dinners with friends.
Not everything has to be dark and gloomy.. we all have a past that can or has effected us good, bad and ugly if you wish, you are not responsible for others hurting you, you are not responsible for being bullied, you are not responsible for adult treating children badly
You are only responsible for YOU being happy which can be many forms for play like, walking down the beach with your friends, watching a movie with a close friend or family, laughing at a funny joke, taking a beautiful trip overseas with a loved one.
You see the above are simple but, easy things we all have done or are doing so enjoy this time in your life and be happy for you..
No-one can take your spirit away from you, your mind is a powerful, beautiful thing you should use it and use it wisely in a good way.. in a loving way.. our mind and our hearts are simply full with love and understanding so read those books, watch those romantic movies, take your partners outside and tell them everyday that you love them.
Love is the Key you see, my biggest love in the world is my husband I hope he knows that, never met quite a character who loves, adores and will do pretty much anything for you.. and me.. (you btw means his friends and family..and me of course)
We walk a path each and everyone of us and my thoughts are try to do the best you possibly can because if you don’t the past experiences that has occurred with stop you and disable your entire life going forward.
So, my suggestion is this try and get help (I didn’t and that is probably why I had a few hitches) I came from a age where we didn’t talk such things we where told to brush your dirt off and stand up and start walking.. so I did and it did work.
Help is amazingly good for you, don’t be scared, don’t think badly of it, sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that you do not know so they can give you a more unbiast answer to help you going forward.
I do understand each day can be difficult, I do understand somedays you can hardly breath because something inside you is struggling with each and every breath, but, with help from a Professional it will get better.
They will help you with Mental Health Plans and this will help with talking to those wonderful caring people who devote their life to helping those who cannot help themselves, I have so noticed in the last 6 months there are so many of us, us yes again we who cannot help ourselves must go and get help (ME)
All I ever really wanted to be when I grew up was TWO things.. a Mother with at least 2 children, that was my first dream to be the best I could, I tried, but, obviously not hard enough my trauma of my past was too severe I didnt realise it at the time but, I did what was right.
The second thing was to be either a missionary (I know seriously gosh I so did, or a counsellor) which is exactly what I am aiming for so, let’s cross our or not fingers and I will keep you posted… oh deary me..(sorry had a bit of a giggle)
We cannot go back, re-write the past however, we can go forward and enjoy our lives with the best of our mights and live it with those who want you in their life, love them for all your might and laugh until you cannot laugh anymore..
I am writing this because we are all survivors of our past so please don’t let the past effort your future by being victims..
Love Franny xxx
Remember to do this below.. and live, love and laugh..
Pps.. if you got down this far… the reason I didnt become a missionary I was made to watch a movie that all 3 women died.. it was quite something… I think I was 10 years old.. (trust me I am not giggling but, sounds a bit morbid, however, I do think my parents meant no harm) 🙂