My Story growing up in 1973-1980’s ……Kid’s Played outside……


Children played outside, they rode their bikes everyday, they never ventured in the house and we never had televisions, mobile phones nor did we have expensive stereos to play with…

My Story as a kid growing up – it sure was different!

I wanted share a few amazing wonderful, beautiful, Crazy experiences as a kid that we all went through in those years.

We sure were brought up with a different view in life and how children were punished for being naughty was a little different to what kids call abuse these days.

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Some of us have different ways of expressing things that should be difficult to talk about like for example, the wooden spoon on the butt, the belt, the slap of a large hand,  years of mum yelling at us kids, abuse that perhaps would be considered as too much as a child or perhaps it was warranted as a child due to those days when your parents would smack you for being naughty.

We all look at things differently and some of us brush it off as being silly, noisy, don’t tell tales, children were seen and not heard, we in those years never spoke much about teachers who maybe liked taking you out of school just to touch your pretty blonde hair.

Or you wouldn’t talk about kids that you lived down the street holding you back while they touched your brother inappropriately and held me down by sitting on top of a small child to stop me from screaming they would hold my face down into the dirt while taking down my brothers pants thinking they where being funny.

Those days us kids where full of secrets of never telling our parents because apart from that era of not doing anything about it they also would smack you for lying because they really didn’t have the tools to understand somethings did occur to us kids.

I have many stories some funny some a little weird and some darn right wrong, I saw a lot of things mostly because of my own curiosity and fun nature this is a very attractive to some that like spirited little girls who had a bit of sassy inside them like me.

My brother and I were active skinny kids that got up early and we played outside all day long with our friends down the street, we loved our weekends and even after school so never a dull moment ever really went by with us two.

Regardless of whether my parents thought we got along or not we did spend most of our childhood with each other we would ride our bikes everywhere, beach, down the street, we would go to the track and race each other we even used to line kids up and jump over them with our BMX’ bikes we did everything and anything in those days.

We lived down the street from a creek and would always come home dripping in lime because my brother could never crawl across the pipes without falling into the creek and me pulling him out both dirty horribly messy slime dripping from our clothing and of course all in our hair.

My mother once she would see this of us pair coming home looking like really rotten kids that she never asked us if we had fun she assumed that I was the trouble maker and my brother was the child that was scorned by me due to how she felt about life I guess.

Just so you can follow what I am trying to say my brother was 15 months older and he was born with a disability they called it Boarder line slow learner!

What the hell that title really meant I didn’t care all I knew was he was my big brother and I loved him to bits we did have a bloody great time together as kids too I might add.

I remember that my mum she tried hard but, was ever so angry in those times seemed to think that it was my fault that my brother wasnt like every other child for me it was that she blamed me for his disability and I felt her anger every time she hit me.

I wasnt an innocent child at all but, I didn’t feel that I really understood why I would get a belting for being his little sister and why I struggled to understand why my mum that I loved with all my might I felt that she didnt love me quite as much as she loved my brother.

Mum, in those days had to fight a lot with others to be heard I think she was very frustrated at a lot of things that should have been easier but, unfortunately, she wasnt helped because not many people really understood or had the tools to help her.

The schools in our era didn’t have facilities that they have now a days so my brother would be left sitting outside on the bench because the teachers found it all too hard and my brother was neglected by teachers because frankly he was not like the other kids in the class.

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I believe he was moved to many schools I think it was 4 schools and finally by the time he was 11 my school had created a class for “special needs students” they called it the “the Special class”.  It was I believe one of the very first class for children that had learning disabilities, to be honest the class was full of kids of many different disabilities and to my brother I believe it was devastating to say the least for him.

For the very first time I felt this feeling for myself firstly it was embarrassing I was only 10 and I knew my brother struggled with being their he was aware he was being stared at then he was teased and bullied and so was I.

What my parents didn’t know everyday was a drama of some stupid kid wanting to beat my brother up so that he would be normal like any other kid..  I remember a boy came up to me saying he is going to make my brother normal by beating the crap out of him so I punched him in the face and told him never to touch him.

I shouted at him (me this tiny little girl) yelling at this big bully who thought he could change my brother by beating him up.

I was angry at this kid and angry at my brother and I did this everyday after school protecting him from idiot children who never knew any better because the adults turned their heads away because it was just too hard for them to help.

Growing up as a little girl wasnt easy but, it did make me stronger, well in a way we had no choice really as kids we all did it.. some of us did it harder I remember our friends some of us didn’t have parents that would dress us nicely some had parents that didnt even care.

My brother and I where never judgemental of other kids we all had those friends that we held onto for years and years and years we hung around them everyday even the bullies our “gang” I guess was made up of at least 5 to 6 kids each day and we grew up with them and we had a ball of course some days we had fights and some days we didn’t just like any other kids in a neighbourhood I think.

Growing up made me aware of things…

Times did change as we grew older .. you became more aware of events in your childhood that should never have occurred, your behaviour changed a little and your awareness became more present for me it did..

I started being aware of myself and how it made me feel every time I was in trouble I was more aware of me being the one that was told off , hit, smacked with a leather belt and that hurt me very much.  I could see games that my brother thought was funny but, he didn’t know any better he started lying blaming me for things and finding it funny.

However, I didn’t and no matter how much I said things where not my fault it didnt matter I would still cop the wrath of my mother who seemed to have changed into a more angry, person than I remembered her as a younger child.

I think that as we grew up and it became more obvious about my brother my mum seemed to get angrier and for some reason because it still wasnt the right thing to do for a female of a child that has a disability she kept her anger within the walls of our home.

I guess we all deal with what we know – those days for adults who had children or a child with a disability would have been very difficult and it would have been hard for her and my father.

My parents are still alive and I think both did the best they could, my mother is still caring partially for my brother who is now in his own home I am very wary of how I write about my family because I do not want to upset them or make them feel that anything was at all wrong.

So, I am lightly writing it as though they are reading it.. this is out of respect for them – you see we all grew up with a different view, the above is my light view.

Well, what that means is I lived a life with an eye of seeing and feeling things some kids perhaps would understand somethings are best unsaid…

The above is a light version of my child life – perhaps my full version may never be written however, we are all uniquely equipped by those who rear our backsides.

What does that mean?

Whatever, you want it to mean I guess…..  remember this saying?

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Please read this Message it is addressed to you ALL…. with all my love xx


Today I wanted to share with you my journey however, I have to say I would rather not go back into my past as I feel that I am done with that drama and nothing good comes from my past apart from those who I love family, friends and my husband, oh, sorry our two dogs Bella and Chino..

I believe in good people and when I say good people I mean “family”, you see not everyone has to be of the same blood line it can be great mates who made your life easier and you made theres and then you have wonderful memories of times that have past going overseas seeing beautiful places, having memories of weddings and lovely dinners with friends.

Not everything has to be dark and gloomy.. we all have a past that can or has effected us good, bad and ugly if you wish, you are not responsible for others hurting you, you are not responsible for being bullied, you are not responsible for adult treating children badly

You are only responsible for YOU being happy which can be many forms for play like, walking down the beach with your friends, watching a movie with a close friend or family, laughing at a funny joke, taking a beautiful trip overseas with a loved one.

You see the above are simple but, easy things we all have done or are doing so enjoy this time in your life and be happy for you..

No-one can take your spirit away from you, your mind is a powerful, beautiful thing you should use it and use it wisely in a good way..  in a loving way.. our mind and our hearts are simply full with love and understanding so read those books, watch those romantic movies, take your partners outside and tell them everyday that you love them.

Love is the Key you see, my biggest love in the world is my husband I hope he knows that, never met quite a character who loves, adores and will do pretty much anything for you.. and me.. (you btw means his friends and family..and me of course)

We walk a path each and everyone of us and my thoughts are try to do the best you possibly can because if you don’t the past experiences that has occurred with stop you and disable your entire life going forward.

So, my suggestion is this try and get help (I didn’t and that is probably why I had a few hitches) I came from a age where we didn’t talk such things we where told to brush your dirt off and stand up and start walking.. so I did and it did work.

Help is amazingly good for you, don’t be scared, don’t think badly of it, sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that you do not know so they can give you a more unbiast answer to help you going forward.

I do understand each day can be difficult, I do understand somedays you can hardly breath because something inside you is struggling with each and every breath, but, with help from a Professional it will get better.

They will help you with Mental Health Plans and this will help with talking to those wonderful caring people who devote their life to helping those who cannot help themselves, I have so noticed in the last 6 months there are so many of us, us yes again we who cannot help ourselves must go and get help (ME)

All I ever really wanted to be when I grew up was TWO things.. a Mother with at least 2 children, that was my first dream to be the best I could, I tried, but, obviously not hard enough my trauma of my past was too severe I didnt realise it at the time but, I did what was right.

The second thing was to be either a missionary (I know seriously gosh I so did, or a counsellor) which is exactly what I am aiming for so, let’s cross our or not fingers and I will keep you posted… oh deary me..(sorry had a bit of a giggle)

We cannot go back, re-write the past however, we can go forward and enjoy our lives with the best of our mights and live it with those who want you in their life, love them for all your might and laugh until you cannot laugh anymore..

 

I am writing this because we are all survivors of our past so please don’t let the past effort your future by being victims..

Love Franny xxx

Remember to do this below.. and live, love and laugh..

 

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Pps.. if you got down this far… the reason I didnt become a missionary I was made to watch a movie that all 3 women died.. it was quite something… I think I was 10 years old.. (trust me I am not giggling but, sounds a bit morbid, however, I do think my parents meant no harm) 🙂


Normally, I love Friday’s but, today I felt a little off and then I felt a lot off!!

The doctor yesterday said that I would have these up’s, downs, sideways, he then said which internally I thought “oh Shit”, that this is only the beginning!!

Fuck, that pissed me off, I was a little confused how I got here so damn quickly!!

I still cannot believe that I will be 50, trust me it isn’t the age, it’s that feeling of NOOOOOOO, this is so unkind I am only just starting to understand and that Is the Hot tipper, that is the upsetting part!!

I have been feeling very raw with my total sense of being, it’s like the Earth wants to swallow me up and I want to go (not a bad thing) its more of a grounded or like my senses are all so tender and my eyes are so damn open a little bit of me wants to squint them shut!

Everything, seems so cereal, like I have said, many times I felt like Movie, where he is the STAR and discovers that everything was fake!

“THE TRUMAN SHOW”

I recall his last words, even though he used humour to try and covered it up however, his eyes gave the hurt and that feeling of betrayal staring right at you!

When you start to enjoy your journey, your strength starts to open up like a flower on a hot Summers day, it seems like “perfect”, then sometimes as my hormones have been chaotic with my brain (some would say she isn’t so different) but, I am, my feelings are more pure, without fear, judgement, but, then with this feeling I can also feel the people around me and I went from smiling to frowning deep inside myself.

A part of me was worried and a little of me feared that “once again” I have to do my shorter journey on my own.. and that just upset me and made me feel very insecure let me tell you that feeling of being open to feel that emotion isn’t fun!

I told my sister-in-law that it took me such a long time to build those walls, it wasn’t that I want them up it was that they where not up and that made me scared that those who I had thought was walking with me.. kind of stopped still and I was still walking looking up happy, then suddenly I looked back and saw their faces of fright or that there feet were stuck to the floor like they could not walk or in fact that they didn’t want too!!

Being Single isn’t the scary part for me.. that is the easiest part

However, Walking a Journey SOLO, now that is like you might as well slit my wrists and check me into the next cemetery vacancy.. CUZ, I am not going down this path again by myself 

Alone is fine… for example sitting alone reading a book…

Not walking a beautiful path solo with no one to share it with. NOW??

 

I have always walked solo, and for the first time in my entire life as a person I had others walking with me and I felt amazing, I still do but, today I did have these “cold moments that perhaps I was wrong and I was walking alone once again”.

Insecurity, doesn’t work well with me, at all, in my past it was like everyday of my young life, I had to work at altering my entire personality to be someone that I was not born to be and that was HARD!!

I literately, created or invented a separate person that had strength and this emptiness that I cannot even describe to you who this girl “thing” was!

With each hurting experience I changed, I became harsh, harder, until “nothing” !!

I have this ability (sounds really stupid) If I allow myself to bond with another its like I can see their soul, it’s weird, I get these feelings of chilled moments, then I will see something not so good in someone, and that isn’t something easy to witness.

There is a lot of reasons for people to be who and how they walked their path and I try not to judge because I have seen this within me, the best way I can describe this picture is kind people will always be kind people.

Those traits that kind people have are never erased from their selves, then for a moment in their body language, or speech or even a turning glance I go “there, OH, No”.  It takes my breath away sometimes, because that “PURE PAIN”, that is “PURE AGONY” that appears so quickly like the wind because they have created this part of them down to a perfect tea of their own Protection!!

These people are beautiful souls, but, some, will NEVER LET YOU IN!!!!!

I get that feeling of self hate, of never wanting to trust someone with your heart again because you know that they will cut it up and put it in a wheelie bin…

They are my people, I am their people, however, it is the most hardest journey in the WORLD for us to believe each other not because we don’t like one another but, because we are the SAME as one another..

Hurt, beautiful, kind, Nasty, patient, cruel, selfless, selfish, do you see or understand that you, me, us are exactly the same… Why keep hurting each other and STOP for 1 damn moment and STOP for a minute!!

Stop for a minute!!!!!!!!!!!

STOP FOR A BLOODY MINUTE SO I CAN TELL YOU WE ARE ALL THE SAME LIKE MINDED BEAUTIFUL SOULS..

Who need to give one another a break and allow ourselves that chance to live… and have a happy life open, to a endless possibility of being happy, laughing loudly and live your life free from stress, fear, all those revolting anchors that hold us all down and say to us on a constant basis YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

I say BULLSHIT, we ARE…. and we WILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are not those people who hurt others… stop going forward to them.. and start loving yourself and those that love you…

This is a very short life we are alive…. Please, don’t make it even shorter… cuz, that to me isnt living that is something entirely different.. its called being BLIND

If you understand what I said above I would love to hear from you.. both if you wish or others that have felt that above…

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So, my lovely friends, minions, aquaintences and may other labels we love to slot into our Zone.

Well, as you know I am hitting the age of “Being Nifty and Bloody well 50”,  So, will all due respect it is my turn to Fell and be Real.

My husband and I have been together for 20 years this year, I adore this guy, he is handsome, very intellegent, he has helped many of his friend (well at least the ones that are true to him) and I believe that his loyalty towards one and not two or more is brilliant and admiral and every bloody great validating word I could use I would use for this beautiful soul.

I have met many beautiful souls in my life and I have also met some Ass souls as well (pardon the pun) however, bit my lip, soldiered on and allow people to walk, trod, stamp and fuck me over.. and even though my husband would not admit this I can actually take his rath and say you didnt deserve any of it…

We live as kids even though I must admit to have a great childhood you have to be totally honest with yourself… you take the good, bad and the damn well ugly things that we did but, our Monkey you which was 1968 was a bloody great year of shocking music of the 80’s, Amazing bands of the 80’s and the pubs from a Friday to a Sunday and even those thursday nights where full to the brim of the same lacokin raskals and most of us had a ball..

My husband has the most amazing photos of his mates with smiles from ear to ear and so he should do, he also has some love letters that I adore him having and when needed or triggered they do come out… however, I do have to push him to do this..

Why?

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Because it’s part of his life and I love watching him talk about his past with his mates, exgirl friends, Rotto, Triatholons, working for his father the ups and downs and moments of sexual 80’s moments..

I embrace those chilled out funny, so bloody funny moments that he can actually laugh, smile and feel relaxed without feeling guilty for anything he has done in his life.

We all live to the best of our ability and those old sayings which I will go into in a moment are sacred and so true for example:

  • Will you go out with me?
  • Your dropped?
  • Ask her if she will be my girlfriend?
  • Whatever!
  • Cool!
  • Oh Derrr
  • Your such a nerd!
  • Excellent!
  • Kiss my ASS
  • FcuK OFF WILL YA!
  • Only Dags smoke Fags!
  • You Scuk Ass HOLE
  • Save Ferris
  • Get out of town
  • Spunk
  • Sllut
  • Your so gay!
  • Crikey Moses
  • Hairy Bunt (work that one out)
  • ACDC (Accca Daccca)

And those games we played as kids:

  • Doctors and Nurses
  • Murder in the Dark
  • Spot Light
  • Kiss Chasey
  • Your it
  • What’s the time Mr Wolf
  • there are more…

And our games we played (board games)

  • Snakes and Ladders
  • Twister
  • Monopoly
  • Scrabble
  • Tic, Tac, Toe, (knorts and Crosses)
  • Marbles (swap ya for a bolder)
  • Stickes (girls played)
  • ElASTICS
  • Roller Skating (speed skate

I could keep going and going and going…. as you got older you then played strip poker, naked twister (some did not me) so many and I am sure you will remember..

So, the innocents of children, playgrounds where full, no mobile phones, to have a bike was the best thing since Tom Cruise came for a Roast Dinner, after TOP GUN!

Nite clubbing with your girl friends and driving home early (well I had too) god damn it it really was a great time in our lives I loved it for the little that I really had as a girl growing up in those times.. you see it was “The thing to be married before you could walk) joking well it was something to brag about..

Parents back in those days where harsh to some of us.. girls couldnt move out until they got married (me) and a few other friends of mine.. Boys, who actually had a bit of grunt and to the “Old Moldies” to go Fcuk themselves as the gave them the forks and met up with their mates to end up at the strippers or clubs or pubs..

Boys learning very quickly to be Men and Girls learning quickly to be long term girlfriends and eventually wives to their HOT SPUNKY Boyfriends.

Friends back in those days cherished every moment with you .. they loved your presents, some did and some didnt but, those who really adored giving you shit those mates you could say anything too and they would still love you for it…

Guess what…?

Well times change us we divorse we leave with our bitterness and baggage and we slander those who once loved us… some cannot continue and they leave this earth because some people are very cruel..

Sometimes after many years of perhaps being solo you become a little cinicle of others so what occurs is you feel that they lack “authentisicity”, perhaps they do, perhaps we have no idea what their real life is behind those doors that we close at night!

It’s interesting isnt it.. you start reading this and its about courage, its about loyality, its about friendships that are bonded from being young…

When you get to lets say 45-50 you finally realise they gone.. no longer available, you have a few that still hold onto calls and text messages or perhaps occationally give you a few moments of their time.. which you hold so dearly too because its rare right!

We are all guilty of this … ALL OF US….

Sometimes we get tired of playing the same song and finally you wake up and realised your playing it solo and no-ones listening…

MY CHALLENGE TO YOU ALL……. IS THIS

So, my point is to you instead of texting… insteading of facebook….. do yourself a favour in the next few weeks and pick up that phone and talk to someone you miss.. or you would like to hear from…

Put in a bit of effort .. STOP BEING LAZY, PIG HEADED AND GOD DAMN YOUR PARENTS…. AND bring a little back to what you all where once….upon a time…

Ladies and Gents.. because our time on this earth isnt LONG

Bless Franny xxx

 

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What does it mean when your needs are not met?

Communication can come into conflict when needs are unfulfilled we tend to feel like we are on a isolated Island and no-one seems to care or want us around them. Unmet needs can lead to feelings that we consider negative like:

  • anger,
  • confusion,
  • disappointment,
  • frustration,
  • hopelessness,
  • irritation,
  • sadness,
  • loneliness and even embarrassment

And many, many other emotions feelings that we are experience in our lives it is a need that requires to be forfilled within ourselves.

Now don’t get me wron there are alot of people who DONT require that loving feeling that seems to be lacking in some peoples lives and they can exisit fine without this however, really this isnt true we end up with the same result.

  • anger,
  • confusion,
  • disappointment,
  • frustration,
  • hopelessness,
  • irritation,
  • sadness,
  • loneliness and even embarrassment

So, sometimes we look for other area’s of our lives to forfill them which can lead to us sleeping around, finding someone else that will or could possibly forfill them or even we tend to make work our priority instead of those who love us but, find it difficult to express their feelings towards us.

We are only human and we must understand we have human needs which is to be loved, cared about, someone that we can turn to and express our feelings, emotions and yes even have sex with…

Many of us forget that we are not ANIMALS we are actually HUMAN beings that want love, we want someone to care about us and we live for others that just understand us..

People think these feelings above are negitives within a human being it really isnt we are nurturing, beautiful idividuals and we want others to like us especially our other halves or those that we are fond of..

I could talk about this subject all day… which I might actually because even I need to remember this that my needs are important and so are those we love.

Appologies, to those that I love I feel sometimes I am just starting my life again and I am just beginning to understand how to walk… so thank you for opening up my eyes.. and I will try my upmost hardest to remember my NEEDS and YOUR NEEDS.

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The Mindfulness Movie is a fun and educational journey showcasing the worldwide brain research proving the benefits of mindfulness and the public’s increasing awareness and acceptance of the practice.

The movie celebrates those who have reshaped mindfulness into everyday, practical skills.

  • Neuroscientists now tell us that the practice of mindfulness literally changes the brain in positive ways.
  • And it’s as simple as paying attention!

Throughout the film, we encounter inspiring people and ideas on how changing the way we see can change our lives. Leading world experts discuss eight essential aspects of mindfulness, including easy to understand studies showing why we function at a more highly effective level when we change our default mindless mode to a mindful mode.

My own thoughts on Mindlessness and Mindfulness

Mindfulness is an awareness of the present without looking for distractions, which is what I seem to do alot (Mindlessness that is) I zone out all the time and I had no idea that is what I have been doing…

So, to be present is about being mindful or without using that word we all use which is “trying” to be present, “trying” to listen, “trying” to take a pen for example.

Remember when you say I am trying your actually saying you’re doing nothing but, thinking that your doing…  So, what you should say is, I am listening to you! So, what your saying is your listening!

So, are we paying attention?

Or are we drifting into lar land being distracted and not paying attention!  

We all do it and the more we get older and not recognise that we don’t do… the more we will continue to be Mindless…

“We cannot solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them”

Albert Einstein

So to be Mindful you must be self-aware of your surroundings which means you have a more openminded space of what your looking at..(more awareness)

To use Mindlessness is when you narrowly allow yourself a minimal amount of space which means your not allowing yourself to see what is around you.

“Ive had a lot of worries in my life most of which never happened”

Mark Twain

Stress makes all kinds of physical allignments worse, fatigue, what makes it worse is what processes in our brain.

  • Stress doesn’t kill us our reaction kills us
  • You must keep calm and relax because the more we stress the more our body reacts to the stress.. so remember to breathe and breath then allow ourselves to be more at peace.
  • Mindfulness if you use it more often this can reduce depression, anger, hostility, anxiousness, and if you relax your thoughts and feelings you can reduce your reaction to how you react to any situation.

“The best diet is the one you don’t know you’re on”

Mindful eating is about enjoying that steak you purchased at a Restaurant by being present and silent while eating it.. Not by eating a steak while discussing with that person your with about something stressful that occurred during their day.

Slow yourself down while you eat that delicious meal your partner cooked you and enjoy your food rather than eating your food as fast as you can to watch that TV show your about to miss.

Notice that beautiful smell or the steak tasting like butter between your teeth and that rich velvety gravy that has been designed to go with your palative steak your eating .. that is being mindful to what your eating and enjoying your food moment.

For example:

If your eating fruit think what are you thinking about?

  • Are you just eating it?
  • Or are you thinking about the tree the berry came from or where it was grown ?

So, next time your eating something .. do this smell it, think about what your chewing and really feel and taste it throw yourself into the food and enjoy it by being present.

The more you stop and start to enjoy your food the more you will taste the food.. its about allowing yourself to stop.. and enjoy what your eating rather than rushing toward the end of what your eating…

PSTD – Military

This originated from men/women coming home from war with a Zombie like attitude – Mission is first, we must succeed, no matter what, this is drilled into them like robots they are put in such a silence of subject to dishonrable discharge, as a threat and you don’t tell anyone as it is seen as weekness.. not acceptable behaviour.

Everything is based on what they think is right, what they think we should do as soldier of our country, it’s based on people who are put into a position of being responsible and this is how we act, and this is how we do things according to…. WHO?

When people are subjected to such stressful scenarios like “you must do as I tell yo to do, or else”, mindfulness is a mindset to relax and not allowed to be like this in the Military.

If they were given an opportunity to stop and look at every situation with mindfulness then the people who went to war could have made decisions based on what is but, not how it is dedicated.

We tend to be so critical on ourselves and those who care who are around us making us feel like we cannot trust anyone … we are only human and we are trying so hard to live we forget to trust others, we forget to allow those ones who actually care to let ourselves trust those beautiful people around us that actually care.

It makes you clouded and confused when we shut those doors and not give ourselves a break to let others in.. by being mindful.. we need to allow ourselves to STOP!

FREE MOVE – CLICK HERE

Here is mine and what I observe as a wife with my husband

My husband and probably myself have been subjected to so much mental abuse we have both been so numb to let people into our lives.. the reason for this is never simple.. its about our trust has been hindered and we tend to take it out with each other.

We love and are devoted but we have this invisible but, visible wall, that has always been there and we … don’t let each other totally in.. Why?

Why do you F’ing think?

Every time we do this something else is put in our way to mistrust each other

It’s not personal it is what it is.. I cannot accept certain things because it costs my soul.. same with my husband.. when you are treated so harshly and told on a constant basis that we are not worth shit.. then what do you think it does to people…?

We tear each other apart because we love each other so fucking much.. and then we still repeat the same bull shit crap…

So, my question to the wise ones out there.. before we kill ourselves.. who the fuck will give a fuck??

Not my family or even son? that is how I feel.. insignificant…………………..

Not his family?? This is how he told me he felt… he takes it out on me because who else will care???????????????

 

So now what are we both to do when no fucking person cares about us????????????????????????????????????????????

This is how we feel.. we both love each other with every ounce of our hearts but, life has one thing it has done.. it’s made us doubt one another… not because we are not smart, not because we don’t want to.. it’s because we where never felt ever, worth anyone’s time… so this is why we do what we do to each other because deep down we adore one another.. however, we find it hard to feel it…

 

We will live.. but, perhaps not together.. x fingers that we do.. xxxx much love xx

 

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A moment of insanity

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