Understanding, that Trauma, can and will Creep up & hinder your Life!!
Forgive yourself and treat your loved ones with love…
These last few months I have Opened my eyes, Closed my eyes, so many times thought that my life was over I have cried my eyes out, I went through every emotion known to man.
And let me tell you I even thought about ending my life all because of many factors in my life and each one of them valid and some not so.
Sometimes when you try so hard in thinking that your okay and you dive further and discover that alot of experiences good, bad and just horrible can and will harm your beautiful life all because of stupid errors of trying rediscover your youth, dreams that you feel are being stolen because of aging or perhaps lost moments in life when your heart was distoyed by stupid mindless morons that think drugging your meal, drink so their way of connection or sex!
I have met some beautiful people in my life sometimes when you try too hard you find that you start to make the most stupidest errors in life.
I recall I went onto a friends facebook page and I saw he put a quote, I am a sucker for quotes but I do believe I was a little upset and I had no idea what this mean’t it said, ‘When a person cant find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with Pleasure”.
So, I was thinking hang on what does this mean.. to be perfectly honest I didnt understand the meaning behind it.
I suppose without us even being aware sometimes we tend have our heads either in the sand or perhaps a little ignorant within ourselves. Which really is a stupid way of thinking because deep down we know that is pointless because really what does it really matter! Right!, Wrong!
It just means that if you don’t allow yourself to enjoy and grow within yourself you cannot or it would be harder to live a full life and to enjoy your journey with an open mind and heart I guess.
We All get Stuck sometimes.. AND we all experience things we Never Wanted too – I am sharing this with you because I believe it is important!!
I do believe that at times we “all” get stuck I guess it all depends if we can either dig ourselves out of the pit we are in or we like “swishing around in the mud” like dirty pigs, snorting and enjoying the muck we are in.
However, while we are swishing in this sty others are enjoying their lives with a different view which could be perhaps growing and investing themselves in a wonderful journey in search of exciting travels, meeting new people, discovering wonderful adventures that this world has given each of us.
I have met and in fact experienced great things with loved ones and I have also experienced very sad, dangerous, and life changing things and those things are the worst to experience a young women can ever experience.
For me I have had what I call a fair share of shitty experiences and never thought I had a issue until perhaps meeting someone that was just like minded like me.
I had no idea my past horrid experiences would potentially and could have destroyed the best years of my life..
Let me try an explain without the drama – perhaps a little for you to understand exactly what can potentially occur to women.. I was a single mum with very little network so it really just was me being sole parent at this time in our lives.
It was difficult but, my son was my entire life and I adored him then and will always adore him until the day I die, unfortunately, I without my knowledge found myself in situations that I had no idea how potentially dangerous my own life was at this time.
What my son doesnt know is this when he was looked after which would have been my parents and this was a rarity let me tell you I would take this opportunity and try and get out just to have some little window of fun.
So, I accepted an invitation to a persons house for dinner, well that was a very stupid thing I did but, I was not to know that this Moron would drug me, pretty much Over dosed I cannot be too sure as I must have blacked out at some stage of the night.
I woke up naked and I cannot recall how I got dressed all I remember is that I had to get home, sleep, wake up drive 45 km, south and pick up my son and get home cook ect.. and take my son to school for Monday morning.
I got home…. staggered inside and fell on my bed asleep… then I woke up to my flat mate in my bed thinking it was okay to have his way and then I lost it for just a little while..
I felt so revolting, I felt like my whole life right at that moment I pushed him off in total revolt I just didnt have those words I got out of that bed with horror on my face and as I stood up .. I lost my legs and fell to the ground in a state of total dispair..
It was over 20 years ago, I can remember that feeling like it was yesterday…
Anyway that was a long time ago.. I ended up having a shower and as I left that shower got into my car to pick up my son I closed that door on everything I thought was hopeful and concerntrated on my life going forward with my son.
And not one person knew what happened to me..until recently..
I guess I shared this story because I felt it was something I wanted to do or not I have a few terrible memories but, I was born with a very strong will and understanding that you deal with it as best as you can and you move forward without allowing this to depleat me and I guess I did.. however, don’t EVER think that an experience like the above is that easy to erase..
It is very dangerous ladies that I did this… I should have got help and dealt with it better… but I guess I didnt because I was embarrest, ashamed and felt that if I did talk about it that it would make me look weak.. and that wasn’t what I wanted my son to see in me..weak that is..
As time past unfortunately my free spirit had rippels of hundering outcomes and I couldnt experience things I wanted to with an open mind.. and that my lovlies broke my heart and soul recently when I decided to allow myself to go on a journey of growth with my husband.
Everything in your life that occurs will come back to you .. and in some cases can potentially hurt you and others and that isnt fair..
Your life is your life and those events that occur at that time in your life you must deal with because when you meet your like minded soul you dont want him to hold you up as a anchor you want him to hold you up as a equal.
Your beautiful partners that work lovely with your children are there because they love you and adore you.. We forget at times that our partners that love us .. care for us, appreciate us and adore us are those we should cherish.
From my experience I am extremely lucky however, my past has defined my life and his by those who should have paid dealy because without us girls knowing we end up being angry, hostile, bitter, resentful women to those men who deserve your loving, attention, they deserve your best smiles, laughter, love, embrace, warm long hugs, text messages of love and kisses and most of all your endless beauty that they where drawn to you at the time they met you.
So, this is my suggestion to you all…
Learn to forgive yourself, learn to understand that sometimes we will come across people that will hurt us, but, we must be brave and we must understand that No, is No and we must give ourselves the love we deserve to ourselves so we can walk in our life with a powerful understanding that we are worth it and so are those who deserve us for it.
Don’t ever treat your partner with any such disrespect because you didn’t deal with your past he or she isn’t the reason for your anger he or she is the reason for your love going forward.
So, remember to love yourself, those who love and adore you for you, and do it openly, honestly, willingly and most of all lovingly.
Enjoy your journey because when that combination is worked out.. then you can begin living a full beautiful exeptional life…with LOVE…
Without Growth in anything in life .. we do not enjoy what we are born to experience.. So, get off that couch and do it… before it’s too late..
Bless to you … Franny xxx