Tag Archive for ‘communication’

Shaving Away “Toxic Masculinity”


Now let’s talk about the new ad that seems to be causing so much of a ruckus!!!

To be perfectly honest I like this video I am still from that generation that believes in a male does have many rights of him being a man his honour, pride and sense of judgement will only come from his understandings while he grows.

This means if you do not allow a child to go through bullying, up against butt heads, and doffuses, I often wonder what type of male are you bringing into this world?

You would hope that there would be many different levels of shades but, it does go back to a lot of things as I am not a male however, my brother was disabled and if I which I did fight a lot of his fights as a child at home and in the playground there where times I walked away with him screaming at me saying help me, but, I had to because he had to understand what happens to another person if you do fight their battles for them!! 

Plus, just so you are all aware I knew the difference who he was up against as well, so he had a fair argument or fight with a few that really all you had to do is blow in their general direction… all I had to do is jump high and bounce on top of them usually with me hanging on their back and yelling “You touch my brother Bradley Denchem, Richard Hawley  and you will cop it from me… (like I used to do because I was a rather tiny little tot) he ended up finding out that they where easy to beat… always look out for your family and friends.. just saying 🙂

Usually, I would be thrown off and laughted at however, I was always given a hand to get up off the ground by them… so go figure… it taught me alot.. it made my laugh alot.. sorry I actually laughted alot at those numb nuts.. however, so did they at me… great mates as kids btw.. not a day went by that my knees, nor my head didn’t have a few black and blue marks.. but, I would never look at them as anything but, me being a bratt saving my brothers sorry sooky ass.. However, I will say one thing my brother saw me do it and what do you think with time he did? 

Yup, well, he had this shitty habbit and I had to never discount his brave nature he would find the biggest bully and say, this, oh god, “I am not scared of you, just because you can fight doesnt mean I wont be able to beat you, then he would laugh, hmm,” some how not so funny, really, and not that easy to get him away from “those bullies”, however, somehow I was always there.. god damn it… many, many, many, many, did I say many? Times…god shit poo… lol

We are not perfect however, us women should start being more feminine there seem to be too many females acting like males on behalf of our men that we spend our lives with.

I am one of them I said to my husband the other night if anyone hurts you emotionally, that is my main objection when it comes to him that they will be mine to take on because of that isn’t okay!

Blaming and shaming, one another especially our males isn’t cool, they require us to love them, support them, tell them that they are valued, which is something I have noticed that I do not do enough for my own husband.

That also will change!
When your a single mother or a girl that really only had herself to deal with the world it is difficult to step back and say nothing I so get that!

Very difficult for us to say nothing because frankly we are female and we end up saying too much it is hard for us to learn a new behaviour that will benefit as long as the person your withholds your hand and allows himself to trust you.

Trust is the answer and so is communication with every person on this Earth, without talking to one another how are we going to grow and understand how each other feels about things?  We cannot expect everyone to be “us” we have to forgive, we have to listen we have to adapt and perhaps learn a few new understandings, we cannot assume everyone should be mind readers, we are not your parents we did not hurt you, abandon you, we say things to one another that at times isn’t okay!

I know I seem to assume, put my 2 pennies worth of crap in, I tend to think that I know best all because of nothing but my own shit!  I get on my high horse and rant, rave, yell, a mindset of blocking others out and listening mostly to negative unrealistic bullshit!

I cut people off and hear a bit of a sentence then interrupt and say, yup say no more I then ramble about me… whoops, bad, not good, and it does not make friends either!!

Try to stop, listen and not judge others because you might be surprised to find out what really is ticking in a place that could potentially hinder, hurt and lame another person by muting their existence!

Not cool!

Change happens within a millisecond of saying nothing, so try and say little by allowing those that know about themselves by listening and allowing a female to be a female and letting a male be mindful of his needs because our men can be hurt too just like us girls.

  • Men are so silent it scares me to death to think what the hell is it that ticks them off!
    Men are so silent is it possible they have been hurt like us girls?
  • Can men be raped like us women? What do you think? Absolutely, and do you hear them cry? Do you hear them say a word to anyone?

Imagine if you allowed your thoughts to go there for a moment that our men can be hurting inside just like us girls.. how would you feel?

So, the Gillette is not a bad video… get grip wingers!!!

I like this video I still think that us women have alot of understanding and we must be aware that we could be better ourselves!!

images (12)

Gillette commercial that has so many people up in arms.

I couldn’t for the life of me understand what was so wrong about it.

To me, the idea of the commercial was to challenge one another to be better human beings.

To not be a bystander when there are toxic behaviours happening all around you.  Frankly, I loved the message

Spoiler alert for how the rest of the conversation went: He did NOT share my view.

His take was this:

  • He sees women as a protected class.
  • What would happen, he pondered, if the commercial implied that women were toxic?
  • His suspicion and I think he might be right here, is that Gillette would be done for. From his perspective, Gillette and the rest of the world are picking on guys like him.
  • Good guys that can’t walk around without feeling like they have done something wrong because they have male genitalia.
  •  He is sick of being portrayed as the bad guy all the time.
  • Even in trying to defend himself as one of the good guys, he felt that he came across as defending “toxic” behaviours.

He wasn’t being toxic.

He was just being him.

A man. And there is nothing inherently toxic

about that.

I get his point.

The trouble, as I see it, is the assignment of the word “toxic” to any particular gender.

Baruska / Pixabay
Women too can be toxic. Particularly where gossip is concerned.
Source: Baruska / Pixabay

Toxicity is toxicity.

Males certainly don’t have a monopoly on bad behaviours.

Perhaps we need to rethink the assignment of the term “toxic masculinity,” as the definition is too easily expanded to offend people like my friend who feels as if his whole gender is under attack.

Toxicity doesn’t belong to a gender any more than it can be exclusively assigned to skin colour.

In fact, females, are often the drivers of exactly the behaviours we label as being “toxic” in males.

Female mate selection is complicated, but the driving characteristics of “good mates” haven’t changed throughout evolutionary history.

Females today demonstrate the same preferences for their sexual partners as their ancestors did. In short, we want protectors.

In experimental settings, women are generally more attracted to males with higher testosterone, and more aggressive/dominant tendencies.

Hmmm….in reality this means that as females, we may be selected for some of the behaviours we label as “toxic masculinity.”

While not a perfect correlation by any means, high testosterone is linked to extramarital affairs, high sex drive, aggression and fighting.

These “toxic behaviours” might be the direct result of our selections.

 StockSnap/Pixabay
What message of “toxic femininity” might be sent by various magazines to their largely female audiences?

And what of the toxic femininity?

What do we do to one another as females?

As I was drinking my coffee this morning, I found myself flipping through one of my “girly” magazines.

I began noticing all the ways it made me feel imperfect.

All the other smiling females that looked back judgingly at me from the interior pages – all skin glowing, and tight stomachs, and perfectly shiny hair and makeup and I began to realize that this was the equivalent of males flexing at one another.

The readership of this magazine is 91% female.

These pages were made for me, to demonstrate how a female should look.

This could easily be labelled as toxic femininity.

Is there anything wrong with being in shape, and pretty and smiling?

Of course not! But could it be toxic in its interpretation by me?

  • Absolutely.

The idea that I had to meet some standard of perfection in order to be feminine is certainly a toxic formula – perhaps the same formula we assign to men (must you demonstrate your testosterone-laden tendencies in order to be masculine?).

  • Do females abuse one another with these standards?
  •  Do we gossip and put one another down and hurt each other by spreading vicious rumours?

Absolutely.

Do we weaponize sex, and use it as a powerful tool to get what we want?

More than most of us will care to admit.

These behaviours aren’t exclusively feminine any more than bullying, catcalling, and abuse of power is exclusively masculine.

I’m not justifying behaviours on either side.

In fact, I’m condemning them on both sides.

There are toxic behaviours in the world. And certainly, some are demonstrated by one gender at disproportionately higher rates than the other, but it is the behaviour itself, not the gender that needs the label.

  • Yes, sexual harassment is toxic.
  • Yes, bullying is toxic.
  • Yes, intentionally hurting another human without cause is toxic.

 

But perhaps we need to put the labels in the right place.

On the behaviours.

We will need males and females as equal advocates in a fight to make the world a better, less toxic world for everyone.

Coming Out As Mature Gay Man


Hey Candii here,

I want to talk about a true story that happened to me a long time ago, I was newly divorced single mum with my son being around 6-7 years old my friends had changed a tad to me hanging around a lot of gay men!

Funny things happen when you’re single, however, it was the best thing I had ever done, to be honest, I remember a young boy forgot his name he was young like 17-18 years old. I was in my kitchen making sandwiches for about 30 young me “all gay” and this young man came up to me saying how great I was, he said, where is your girlfriend?

The laughter in my lounge room was roaring loudly and you heard someone say, she’s straight!  The shock on this boys face was epic, he said, but, you have a little boy?! and why are you so okay with all of us hanging out with you and your little boy?

Then my face was in shock!!

I said, to him, do I have to be gay? to hang around you all?

He then explained that he told his parents about himself being gay and how hard it was!

He then said, thank you for being so open and allowing us into your life!!

I said, don’t thank me I love being around strong people who have the guts to be what they want to be regardless of sexuality!  That takes guts and strength most straight people should learn about life!

Years later when working I saw him again in a lift and he remembered me, Franny, he had grown up a lot and he gave me another hug and said, you have always been in my heart and head girl thank you for you being you!!

I don’t really know the magnitude of what I did for him, but, I thought it was beautiful, to say the least, it meant a lot to him and that was enough for me.

True story 🙂


The Dangers Of Revealing Sexuality

Coming Out Later In Life

http://maturegay.com.au/

The divulging of your sexuality towards other people is commonly referred to as ‘coming out’.

This is a specific rite of passage for young gays whereby they not only acknowledge their sexuality, but they begin to tell other people such as their family and close friends, about their sexual orientation.

Coming out is an intensely personal process, and many people experience both positive and negative stories when it comes to their coming out.

In today’s society, particularly in Western Culture, coming out is often deemed to be not a big issue.

Though, try telling that to the person who is struggling with their sexuality and has conservative parents.

Coming out as a young person has unique and different challenges to coming out as an older person, and the experiences can be profoundly different.

People will ultimately come from a wide range of ethnic, religious, class and racial backgrounds which will directly influence their experiences as they come out.

These social standings can affect an individual’s safety, or even their family’s safety and coming out can risk the loss of friendships, relationships and family all because you are exploring your passionate nature.

Ignoring your passions towards relationships is not something that can be done, as ignoring your feelings will often cause great pain, fear, and anxiety.

It’s a different experience for everyone. Thus, coming out as a white, able-bodied young Australian will be a profoundly different experience than that of an African Immigrant living in a low socio-economic area of New York.

 

 

Aside from these challenges, there are many more challenges to coming out as an older male, especially if one has denied or repressed their sexuality in their youth and have begun to raise a family.

Older generations were raised in a society and grew up in a time of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell‘ and many people have successfully hidden and/or repressed their sexuality until much later in life.

The question then becomes; why did they hide it?

There’s a variety of reasons as to why people might choose to hide or ignore their sexuality.

Most teenagers, and arguably this is part of being part of a teenager, will naturally reach a point in their lives whereby they will test where the bounds of sex and sexuality sit, and they will explore these boundaries.

It can be an incredibly frustrating and confusing time especially when society expects that you will fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, have children and grow old together and you’re simply not sharing or feeling like that.

At this stage, some people might fundamentally reject their feelings on religious grounds, upbringing, or they might develop intense negative feelings surrounding the issue of sexuality and as a result, will push down on those feelings until they no longer exist.

 

coming out is distressing

Coming Out is Distressing

 

This can pose significant issues later in life, and ultimately they’re setting themselves up until they have reached a point when they can no longer deny their feelings.

They have given a lifestyle of heterosexuality their best shot and it’s simply no longer viable.

They have attempted to conform to societal expectations of getting married, having children, and it’s not until they get to later on in lives that they realise that there have been profoundly important things about themselves with which they have neglected, or not acknowledged.

Other people might simply not have the capacity to understand or interpret their feelings of attraction because they had deemed it to be as abnormal, or wrong. In that regard, is not surprising that a lot of baby boomers wait until later in life when they decide to come out, and it’s usually as a result of their lives becoming simply unbearable as a result of hiding who they truly are. Coming out when you’re young is difficult. Coming out when you’re older has significantly more challenges, and arguably, is a lot harder than coming out when young. We’ve compiled a short list of the difficulties that older people might face when they decide to come out later in life.

 

1. Being Gay And Married:-

Owing to the fact that many people try and repress their sexuality, they will conform to social, familial and religious pressures and decide to get married. Though it is important to note that not all religions have strong stances on homosexuality.

Taoism

For example:

  • does not have a single school of thought when it comes to homosexuality and is simply merely discouraged.

In any event, people might conform to the popular belief that it’s not accepted and continue on a heterosexual lifestyle.

They might do this in the hope that their homosexual feelings will go away, or they might find themselves in a deep state of denial, or they simply might feel that their feelings are nothing but a phase and representative of the feeling of ‘cold feet’ of getting married.

Many mature gay men have stated that the reason that they got married was that they’d hoped that the feelings would go away, they loved their wives, they considered their wives their best friends and soul mates but rather than happiness and bliss for their lifetime together, all they would feel was an overwhelming sense of infidelity and deceit as they discovered that the feelings wouldn’t go away.

They might try marriage counseling or some form of couples counseling, but inevitably it’s not going to work.

 

wife ca be devastating

Coming Out To Your Wife Can Be Devastating

 

Often they can hide and repress this for years, the distractions of life, and growing older play a great part in a person’s ability to ignore what’s underneath as they traverse life, climb the social/work ladder, buy a house, plan for a family and so on and so forth.

One of the worst aspects of being both married and gay is the understanding that the moment that you come out, that there is potentially going to be a lot of hurt, pain, and anger from his wife.

This can be devastating and cause chaos in people’s lives and is probably one of the most challenging aspects of coming out when you’re older.

Especially since he might love his wife, considers her his best friend and feels that coming out will ultimately hurt her.

For some, they simply cannot take this and will either resort to drastic measures or simply engage in infidelity until they get caught out.

 

2. Parenthood:-

Through trying to repress ones sexuality, they might decide to get married. From there, they might end up being parents.

Becoming a parent also serves as a distraction-like tool in the repression of sexuality and some might see the prospect of having children to be worth it in staying in the closet because it provides them with opportunities that they may not have been able to have as a gay male.

Today, however, there are many options for queer people to fulfill their dreams of becoming parents, and these technologies were simply not available 30 years ago.

Other people feel that being a parent is more important than their sexuality, as they fear that any decision to come out after having children, could negatively impact them.

As such, there are a lot of people who acknowledge being gay early on in their marriage but who have already had children, they decide to repress their sexuality until their children are old enough to understand.

To some people, the idea of providing a loving and nurturing environment for their children is a far more important endeavor.

 

loving family

 

3. The idea of Lost Youth:-

Being young is about making mistakes, it’s about embarking on life with the training wheels firmly attached and it is a state of learning and growing.

What about the idea though, that you start off life in the development of a particular lifestyle, only to discover that that’s not for you?

You essentially, in part have to start again.

This is a common train of thought for older people who have come out later in life and they might get the impression that they have to go out into the world and make up for lost time.

Unfortunately, there’s no way to make up for lost time, what’s past has already passed. Mature Gay Adults who have only recently come out, however, will often find themselves behaving and acting like the teen they never got to be in an effort to make up for lost time.

It’s almost considered to be in the same vein as having a mid-life crisis – even the most placid and calm of people might suddenly turn into a raging teen at the candy store lusting and drooling after all the new things in the world that they can experience.

It’s tricky. Others might feel such a sense of shame and inadequacy that it makes them vulnerable to forms of abuse, and they may be plagued with unhappiness regarding the sense that they’re supposed to be an adult, and all of a sudden they’re a child in a world that they didn’t know much about.

In either circumstance, however, there is cause for concern.

Not only in forms of abuse either from being sexually assaulted or financial as a result of this vulnerability, and in young people potentially seeking a sugar daddy where the older gay male is looking for love, but also in the sense that sex and dating conquests may not necessarily equate to a healthy sexual lifestyle.

 

4. Family Acceptance:-

One of the most important things that people yearn for when they decide to come out of the closet, is that it won’t adversely affect their relationship with their family.

It’s a fundamental need and desire to be loved and accepted by your family.

When people start coming out in their 30’s, 40’s or even beyond there are some families which will struggle with this new found status.

Some members of the family might be unable to accept the sudden change, in the sense that who you’ve been for the majority of your life has now suddenly changed.

They may not be able to transcend past the idea of how they remember or know who their child, brother, sister, the nephew was.

There’s really no way in telling if the experience is going to be a positive or negative experience.

Especially when some people support the idea of being gay, and they can’t get past the feeling that they had been deceived the majority of your life in regards to the gay person.

5. Family acceptance

 Will also extend to the in-laws.

It is highly unlikely that a young gay male will be married in his teens, and as such, will never have to deal with the prospect of telling his in-laws about his sexuality.

People in their 30’s and beyond may have found themselves married, and have acquired a set of in-laws through their partner.

Gay people who come out later in life might have to deal with telling the in-laws about their sexuality.

Though, in some respects, it should be very much considered to be similar to a divorce – whereby the in-laws will either accept you’re coming out, will struggle to remain civil and polite, or they might even be glad to see the back of you.

Having grandchildren involved in this situation is certainly going to complicate things and realistically you should speak to your partner privately first, and have a discussion about the in-laws.

 

myth and truth

 

6. Youth Vs Truth:-

This one is partly driven by the shallowness of the queer community and the ideals associated with beauty.

Whereas many people subscribe to the idea that you’re only as old as you feel, it can be quite apparent when someone is desperately trying to cling onto their youth by either wearing inappropriate clothes or embarking on a lifestyle that isn’t representative of their age.

Common problems with coming out later in life circle around an individual’s insecurities – they feel that they’re well beyond the age of getting into the gay scene, or that they’re not in good enough shape to be taken seriously.

From here, one of two things will generally happen. You will go into over-drive and desperately seek to become the most ideal and often stereotypical gay man that you could be.

Or, you might find yourself in a pit of despair and feel that you’re just never going to be good enough and settle for a relationship, or a particular circumstance that is far less than what you deserve.

Neither of these scenarios are the healthiest.

The healthiest approach that one can take is simply let loose, be yourself and try to find your way on your own with the knowledge that there are countless others who are in exactly the same position that you are.

 

7. Baggage:-

This is one of the tougher ones and can really hit a person where it hurts.

When you’ve been married and you’ve got kids, there are many people out there who will consider you to be a person that’s carrying too much baggage.

However, it’s a similar situation to when going through a standard divorce, with the only difference is that you’re now dealing with a lot of issues and thoughts regarding your own sexuality and invariably it’s a lot of stuff happening at once. If you hear this said to you, it’s going to hurt. But just find comfort and solace in the idea that it’s certainly not an isolated occurrence and that you’re but one in a pool of people trying to find their way. Just like older people going through a divorce, you may find comfort in the idea of not necessarily embarking on looking for a relationship with someone that doesn’t have baggage of their own, but rather looking for someone that also wants to be serious and might be coming with their own baggage.

 

training wheel

 

8. Training Wheels:-

You’ve spent the last x amount of years subscribing to a particular lifestyle, and now you have to change that.

Sex is going to be a major component of that, and it can be quite emasculating to discover that you’re considered to be absolutely clueless around sex.

You’re not alone, there’s no manual on having sex or gay relationships, and chances are that when you’re looking for someone else that’s also single they haven’t managed to understand the idea of relationships either!

 

9. Love:-

Mature people will often feel that they can’t be loved.

They’re often in an already vulnerable state having to deal with all of the above problems, and rather than playing the field and determining who they are attracted to, they’ll often find comfort in the idea of settling down with the first person that shows any interest in them. Monogamous relationships form their primary focus and whilst there’s no harm in this – if you’re specifically looking to form a monogamous relationship then there’s a chance that it can actually stop you from getting into a relationship. The best advice in this regard, play the field.

 

10. Life Stressors:-

This is often the most difficult, and can directly impact all of the previous issues when it comes to coming out when you’re older.

The fact is, that there might simply be too much going on at once.

You might be dealing with a divorce, you might be dealing and trying to do the best for your kids, you might be trying to find a new place to live, and you might also be trying to work out the intricacies of gay life, sex, and relationships.

That can be a lot of pressure and stress all at once. Take a step back, breathe and deal with the things as they come.

You might not have all the experience of a gay male, but you have a variety of different experiences and challenges that you have overcome just to make it to this point in your life and, surely, that’s worth something.

 

mature gay couple

 

I myself am a late bloomer. I am now happier through coming out. I have written these challenges both as a result of what I myself have experienced, and what others in my support network have experienced.

Coming out is not easy at whatever stage of life that you’re in and I absolutely subscribe to the words of Comedian Todd Glass when he states that “everyone comes out at exactly the same time…when they’re ready.”.

I first had an idea that I was gay in my late teens, and this was during the start of the HIV Epidemic.

I didn’t stay closeted for fear of the HIV scare, I attempted to embark on a lifestyle of heterosexual living because I felt guilty, because of fear, and due to a need to please others, like my family.

I don’t believe or view that decision as a mistake, from that choice I feel I was gifted with a beautiful and wonderful relationship with an amazing and patient woman, who gave me two daughters who I love to the ends of the world and who have certainly made my life worth living.

My family has been able to provide me with the strength that I needed to develop the emotional maturity that would later form the foundations of my confidence and acceptance.

Despite coming out when I was older, I have since found myself, I am now true to myself and I could never ask for anything more.

How Not Talking About Conflict Could Help a Marriage Last


It’s a familiar mantra that marriage counselors rely upon in advising their couples — talk about conflicts and try to resolve them, rather than letting suppressed feelings fester until they poison a relationship beyond repair. But is that such good advice?

Most spouses are familiar with what marriage experts call the demand-withdraw cycle — one spouse blames or pressures his partner for some kind of change and the partner avoids the discussion, either by changing or distracting attention from the subject (avoiding) or by leaving the room or refusing to talk (withdrawing).

(see information of this post on http://time.com/

98bb816d1bc0658d0b0463fa490fa71f

Withdrawal is similar to stonewalling, a term coined by veteran marriage researcher John Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute.

This dynamic can become unhealthy cancer in a relationship that only tends to grow and further separate spouses from communicating. Along with criticizing someone, reacting defensively to statements and showing contempt, stonewalling is one of Gottman’s Four Horseman of the Apocalypse that sends couples galloping toward divorce.

But a new study suggests that the avoidance part of the pattern may not be as damaging as counselors once thought — at least not for long-married couples over age 60. The study, led by San Francisco State University psychologist Sarah Holley, followed 127 couples for 13 years, one group ages 40 to 50 and one group of long-married couples, ages 60 to 70. At three points over that time, she videotaped them discussing an area of conflict. Over that period, all of the relationship dynamics between the couples stayed constant, including the amount of blame, pressure, and withdrawal, but there was a dramatic increase among the older couples of how often both the husbands and wives avoided the difficult subject.

In a typical exchange, for example, the wife might say, “You know what, we’ve had this conversation a million times. Let’s agree to disagree. What do you think we should have for dinner?” And the husband might respond, “Do we have any of that lasagna left?”

Holley says that in these older marriages, the avoidance of conflict-laden discussions, especially when mutual, did not seem to lower marital happiness. Invoking the practice, in fact, may be neutral or even positive. And that falls in line with other studies that show that older people tend to see arguments as less important and generally to seek more positive experiences.

That’s part of the natural process of aging, says Stanford University’s Laura Carstensen, a leading researcher on the emotions of the elderly. Their emotions, particularly as expressed in the dynamic of a relationship, are more complex and layered, mixing positive and negative experiences. So when talking about difficult issues, they tend to mix affection with their negative expressions. “From where I sit,” she says, “it looks very enlightened and adaptive.”

In addition, experience may help older couples to be more adept at picking the right fights.

Years of prior conflicts may have taught them to recognize which issues are worth debating and trying to resolve, and which will only devolve into unhealthy bickering.

“I would never advise couples to avoid topics of conflict,” says marital therapist Mark McGonigle, “but I would advise them to avoid certain kinds of arguments.”

They should steer clear, he says, of “discussions” that start with an accusation (You slob!) or a generalized complaint (You never help!).

He suggests that couples with unresolved — or even unresolvable — issues should talk about the topic in a way that helps them understand at a deep level why their partner’s fixed position, their “stake in the ground,” is so important to them.

If they’re at odds over how often to have sex, for example, each should try to find out the other’s “backstory.”

If the wife wants more, McGonigle says, maybe she grew up in a family with little physical contact and if she’s not intimate often, she may start to feel unwanted or unloved.

The husband who wants less sex might have grown up in a pushy, demanding family, and want fewer demands and the ability to say no.

“If they can learn to talk this way without expecting a resolution,” says McGonigle, “but to better understand each other, they get the reward of being known and knowing the other.”

Emotional tone is just as important in avoiding a discussion as in having it, Holley says. Looking at couples in her study, she notes that if they treat each other with affection and understanding, they are much less likely to do harm to their relationship.

Happily married couples say marriage experts, don’t necessarily resolve their conflicts but learn to handle them with warmth and humor.

Does that mean counselors won’t be as militant about pressuring couples to address their conflicts?

Probably not.

Some marriage therapists (who, like Carstensen, have not seen the new study) are not quite ready to accept that avoidance may be associated with positive relationship dynamics.

They remain skeptical of its benefits and wonder if older couples who mutually avoid have, in fact, lost interest.

Any therapist would agree, however, that there are no absolutes when it comes to relationships — and marriages are no exception. So, for younger couples who work at their conflicts with understanding and acceptance, this study shouldn’t discourage them from continuing on that path.

The findings may just give them reassurance that occasionally agreeing to disagree could do more for keeping the marriage alive than attempting to resolve every dispute — and leave more time for enjoying the lasagna — together.

Here is “The Greatest”- “Pick-up-line”


Now, I am not sure if any other girls get this type of message in their “inbox” like I did today…. so here it is.. I must say though NOT BAD!!!!

It’s from Shannon
“Hey there 🙂 I have an unusual request for a man who wants to be a little adventurous. I have an Kama Sutra book that I forgot I had and I figured, “hey, I wonder if I can find someone who would like to practice the different positions until we’ve used them all up”. Let me know if that sounds interesting to you. Hope you can keep up :)”

I have not yet responded, hate to tell him that I am married, however, that is the best line ever… well done!!

It does sound rather worded so it prolly been sent to many thousands of users on dating sites.. not sure I am part of that group?

Go Figure,

Still impressed!

Candii xx

cupid

What is Love?


Love is a kind of chemical reaction, so you could never tell why it happens and you could never try to stop it by your own will. Love must have existed a long time before human beings developed language.

People always want to find a definite answer about what is love, so they keep asking each other and themselves. However, there is no person who can define what love is.

Every person has his or her own understanding of love, and a single person’s understanding of love may differ by time.

Love is a general feeling of deep caring that does not change (although the form of expressing it may alter).

I do not believe that we can force ourselves to love or not to love someone. We have the capacity to love many people.

For example, you can love your children, parents, friends, and ex-spouse.

 

what is love

 

Being “in love” with someone means that you feel a deep caring, you desire them sexually, and you want to spend lots of time with them.

If you truly love them, then you may change the latter two but you will always feel the deep caring.

On the contrary, like is specific and changeable.

Have you noticed that there are things that you liked in a person before but do not any more or vice versa?

  • You can experience both loves and like simultaneously since they are different feelings.

It is important to be able to say to someone, “I love you, and I don’t like what you are doing (be specific).”

This is especially important to children so that they do not get the wrong impression when you are angry.

They need a clear message that you love them (then they can feel lovable), and you do not like their behavior (then explain why).

Also, telling your children or anyone else, “If you loved me you would ____.,” is not love. It is a way of trying to manipulate or to control them because of your fears or concerns.

 

 

I have discovered that we all want to be loved, and to love.

That is, we all desire to be deeply cared about and to care about others.

True love is unconditional.

No matter what you or another person says or does, express your love and then deal with the specific disliked behavior.

What the world needs now is lots of love which is the opposite of fear.

Accept your and others’ differences.


Take the time to love yourself and others unconditionally, spread deep caring-that is the key to loving relationships and to a loving world.

There are certain characteristics we show when we are in love.

Selfless behavior shows that you are not just thinking about yourself, but that you’re also concerned about your partners’ needs as well.

You will be concerned about your partner’s growth in life, and become more supportive and understanding, even if you feel like being critical.

You will have a desire to forgive, and realize that no one is perfect in life.

Your love grows when you are able to focus on the good things about someone.

You will see both the positive and the negative side of someone, but you will love them no matter what.

When your partner does that little thing that irritates you, it will be easier to look past it.

You will realize that it’s not worth getting angry over and causing a scene.

Love allows for anger but in a controlled manner.

Love is about being able to compromise. If emotional pain was caused you’re allowed to let your partner know when they have done wrong.

Love is about caring and showing affection and intimacy towards the other person. You will have a romantic desire towards your partner, not a lustful desire.

With a romantic desire to be intimate and affectionate towards your partner, an emotional bond will grow between the two of you. It will become stronger over time and will bring you closer together.

What Does It Feel Like To Be In Love:-

 

Love is built on mutual interest, care, trust, and respect.

You will have a desire to be committed to your partner in any type of situation, such as one where infidelity may be a temptation.

Or even when faced with negative comments from others about your partner.

Your commitment will allow you to be faithful and true to your partner, and you will be willing to stick up for them at all costs.

It is important to realize that love is about expecting to give, not expecting to get.

You don’t have to buy your partner something nice every day, but you can do nice things for them often. Something as simple as a romantic dinner at home.

Give them a message with candles lit around the room.

The desire to give will make you feel great about yourself, and most importantly make your partner feel great.

A relationship grows successfully when both partners commit to behaving in a loving manner, through continual and unconditional giving.

Not only saying “I love you” but also showing it.

We experience love as a feeling, and express it as an action.

The thing that ultimately maintains our love and happiness in life is the energy that we get from inside ourselves.

Deep inside us is a wellspring of energy that is very strong in some people but very weak in others. Without that wellspring of energy, you may find it hard to continue on in the face of many problems and challenges in your life.

You may get discouraged or hurt very easily and find that you no longer feel the same way about your loved one that you initially felt.

Your first impulses of love may fade and your happiness may begin to wane.

 

 

A lot of things can aggravate the negative feelings that we have inside ourselves and we may think that the person we love is “no longer the same” or “doesn’t care about us anymore”.

You may begin to feel that everything is hopeless and fail to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Something has gone wrong and you don’t know what it is.

The problem that has befallen you is that you never found that wellspring inside of yourself but wrongly imagined it to be coming from someone else.

You were happy for a while but you didn’t really know why.

Those feelings of love and happiness weren’t coming from the other person!

You thought they were but, actually, they were coming from inside of you!

It’s true!

They were coming from inside of you!

Once that person begins to appear commonplace and boring, the feeling you had begins to fade.

You no longer feel the great feelings of love that were actually coming from inside of you to start with.

You decided to turn them off. Instead, you covered them up again and all you felt was a sense of darkness.

Real happiness comes from a heart that is so filled with genuine love that nothing on the outside can really affect it in any lasting way.

There are rare people who have practiced many techniques and teachings and learned to overcome their fears and their negative emotions to find a wellspring of energy inside them which is the real place that love and happiness come from.

If you are feeling discouraged or in need of an answer, look inside yourself for that wellspring and learn to face your fears and your challenges each day so that, over time, you will overcome the many problems that face you each and that face each and every one of us in life.

Life is a long road with many challenges and the winners learn to lift up their heads and go on even in the hardest of times.

Love and happiness are what make this world worthwhile, so let’s keep our head up and learn to be the person in charge of our own destiny.

We are truly the ones who are in charge and we can make it an award-winning movie that everyone will pay to see!

 

Falling In Love

 

 

Two people who genuinely love each other may fall in love because of the burning desire and passion to be with each other or to live close to each other.

Finding love is a tricky sentiment.

There are some things that feel like love, but they are too much exterior to be the real thing. “Real love takes time and doesn’t take place overnight”.

Love is never logical or easy. People fall under the spell of love for many reasons.

Opposites can attract, and while it may seem unusual to the outside world, you can be completely wrapped up and oblivious.

When you find love it can make anything seem potential and possible to do.

Deep within us, there seems an emptiness that not even a hundred lovers could fill, yet there still is an expectation. Your dreams can come true.

True love is so precious and valuable that it is said, “True love is not something that comes every day, follow your heart, it knows the right answer”.

True love can take time to grow, or it can evolve in the pair’s first encounter.

When 2 hearts gather for the first time a lot of magical things can happen.

There are stories of an eye-to-eye spark, this is when you are overcome with excitement by just looking at someone across a room, and this also can evolve into true love.

There are two kinds of sparks, the one that goes off with a hitch like a match, but it burns quickly.

The other is the kind that needs time, but when the flame strikes… it’s eternal, don’t forget that.

After first sight, the two people will ultimately have to talk to each other.

If you don’t feel that certain spark it’s probably not meant to be.

Most couples who have spent a significant amount of time building their relationship with each other eventually fall in love. It’s a natural evolution of their bond.

But, it’s also an indefinable stage that is often difficult to identify. Millions have asked themselves, “Am I in love with my partner?”

  • Some are confused by what that means.
  • Others misinterpret harmful emotions (for example, jealousy and obsession) as love.

 

Understanding The True Nature Of Love:-

Often it’s easier to define love based upon what it isn’t.

A lot of people mistakenly think that certain emotions they’re feeling represent love. For example, lust is commonly thought to signify something more than it is.

Or, one partner may be so passionate about the other than physical or emotional abuse occurs in the relationship. Neither instance signifies love.

When you love somebody, the feeling transcends the physical.

You feel attached to the other person in a way that you don’t feel with others.

The level of physical and emotional commitment is greater than with anyone else.

And while love translates into intimacy, the willing vulnerability to which you expose yourself to your partner dwarfs that which you experience in all other relationships.

 

Trust Grows:-

While love can encompass a myriad of qualities, mutual trust is one of the most important.

And it expands much further than simply trusting that your partner won’t cheat physically. In this context, it means that you trust your partner implicitly.

You trust that he or she will not betray you or the relationship on a physical or emotional level.

As your love grows, so too does your level of trust.

Eventually, that trust reaches the point at which you’re unable to even conceive of your partner betraying you.

 

Intimacy Issues:-

 

intemacy issues

Intimacy issues plague many couples.

But, it’s important to understand what true intimacy is.

And it’s equally important to realize that issues surrounding it don’t necessarily preclude love.

For many couples, a lack of physical intimacy may be a problem, though they love and trust each other implicitly.

  • Issues involving emotional intimacy are often more severe.

For example, an emotional disconnection can be a warning sign that love is waning.

  • A lack of communication may also represent deeper issues.

 

Signs That You’re In Love:-

So, how do you know when you’re in love? Unfortunately, it’s often hard to tell because it involves two people so deeply on various physical and emotional levels.

That said, there are signs. For example, if your partner is late, your initial reaction may be a concern for their safety.

Or, you may begin to miss them horribly when they’re away.

Also, small things may constantly remind you of your partner.

 

Enjoying Your Partner:-

A true manifestation of love is found in the level of commitment, trust, physical and emotional intimacy, and mutual attachment that you enjoy with your partner.

It’s a confluence of several factors and any one factor does not, in and of itself, represent love.

Some claim that loving your partner is more than mere emotion.

It is, in effect, a choice that you make.

And that choice helps to sustain the relationship during times when any one of the above factors falters.

In the end, falling in love is about enjoying your partner on a level that no other person can hope to experience.

It’s about being vulnerable, yet trusting.

It’s about sharing yourself physically and emotionally, knowing that the commitment will be reciprocated. Falling in love is a natural progression toward a lifetime with your partner.

Longing for Change…


Beautiful Lyrics… absolutely lovely…. Gaga’s New Movie Debut…

Wow, very amazing I cannot wait to see this Movie…

Wish I could, I could’ve said goodbye
I would’ve said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you
If I knew, it would be the last time
I would’ve broke my heart in two
Tryin’ to save a part of you

Don’t wanna feel another touch
Don’t wanna start another fire
Don’t wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don’t wanna to give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won’t even let the sunlight in
No, I’ll never love again
I’ll never love again, ooh

When we first met
I never thought that I would fall
I never thought that I’d find myself
Lying in your arms
And I want to pretend that it’s not true
Oh baby, that you’re gone
‘Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning
And I’m not moving on

Don’t wanna feel another touch
Don’t wanna start another fire
Don’t wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don’t wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won’t even let the sunlight in
No, I’ll never love

I don’t wanna know this feeling
Unless it’s you and me
I don’t wanna waste a moment, ooh
And I don’t wanna give somebody else the better part of me
I would rather wait for you, ooh

Don’t wanna feel another touch
Don’t wanna start another fire
Don’t wanna know another kiss
Baby, I’ll just stay on your lips
Don’t wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won’t even let the sunlight in
Oh, I’ll never love again

Love again
Oh, I’ll never love again
I’ll never love again
I won’t, I won’t, I swear I can’t
I wish I could but i just won’t
I’ll never love again
I’ll never love again, ooh

 

[Verse 1: Bradley Cooper]
Tell me somethin’ girl
Are you happy in this modern world?
Or do you need more
Is there somethin’ else you’re searchin’ for?

[Refrain: Bradley Cooper]
I’m fallin’
In all the good times
I find myself longing for change
And in the bad times I fear myself

[Verse 2: Lady Gaga]
Tell me something boy
Aren’t you tired tryin’ to fill that void?
Or do you need more
Ain’t it hard keepin’ it so hardcore?

[Refrain: Lady Gaga]
I’m falling
In all the good times
I find myself longing for change
And in the bad times I fear myself

[Chorus: Lady Gaga]
I’m off the deep end
Watch as I dive in
I’ll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface
Where they can’t hurt us
We’re far from the shallow now

3c6f0a5efedb0e2cebfaaf84ca84f044--daily-positive-affirmations-quotes-positive

People who failed, yet did NOT give UP… Go figure!


“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” — Winston Churchill

 

Here’s a list of 11 famous people who failed before they succeeded – these were people who didn’t give up in the face of their struggles.

They’re people that persevered.

They pushed through their present-day limitations, had breakthroughs, and whose names have become synonymous with success in their respective fields of study and work.

 

#1 – Jim Carrey

We all know Jim Carrey as a laugh-out-loud zany comic who’s brought us some of the highest-grossing comedies of all time such as The Mask, Dumb and Dumber, and Ace Ventura. But, we don’t all know the story of Carrey’s struggle. He grew up in a lower-income family with a father who struggled to keep jobs. They were so poor that he had to drop out of high school at the age of 15 and get a job as a janitor just to help support the family.Jim-Carrey1.jpg

On his first comic stand-up at a club called Yuk Yuk’s in Toronto, he was booed off stage. Later, when he auditioned for Saturday Night Live for the 1980-81 season, he failed to land the part.

However, we all know about Carrey’s later success. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Carrey talks about how he used the Law of Attraction by writing himself a check for $10,000,000 million dollars for “Acting Services Rendered,” later placing the check in his wallet for 7 years until he received a $10,000,000 million dollar payment for his work in Dumb and Dumber.

 

#2 – Katy Perry

Katy Perry

Most people know the name Katy Perry, but they don’t the struggles that she went through to finally get that breakthrough she was after. Perry started her career early in her life, dropping out of high school after freshman year in 1999 to pursue singing. Originally, she was a gospel singer, taking cues from her parents who were Born Again Christians.

In 2001 Katy Perry released her first gospel album with Red Hill Records, which was commercially unsuccessful. After selling only 200 copies of her album, the record company ceased operations and subsequently went out of business. Afterward, Perry switched gears to popular music, moving to Los Angeles to record with producer Glen Ballard.

In 2003 she was signed to Island Def Jam, which was also a contract that was terminated. In 2004 she signed with Columbia Records who sought to make her the lead vocalist in a band called The Matrix. However, that deal also fell through when Columbia Records shelved the project at about 80% completion.

After being dropped from three labels, you would think that Perry would have given up. She didn’t. She continued to pursue her career, working odd jobs and doing back-up vocals until she was signed to the newly-formed Capitol Music Group in 2006. It was there that she worked on her first huge hit single, I Kissed a Girl, which started her career as a commercial success.

 

#3 – Oprah Winfrey

Oprah had a rocky start in life. As the daughter of a teenaged low-income mother, her start was anything but glamorous. In her early years, Oprah recounts that not only were her living conditions rough, but she was always sexually abused, starting at the age of 9, by her cousin, uncle, and a family friend. At the age of 14 Oprah got pregnant, but her son died shortly after birth.235054-Failure-Is-A-Great-Teacher.jpg

However, at the age of 14, Oprah was sent to live with her father, Vernon, in Tennessee. He helped her focus on her schooling, and she was subsequently accepted on a full scholarship to Tennessee State University, majoring in communications. In high school, and in her first two years of college, Winfrey interned at a local radio station, helping to develop a foundation for a career in media.

But, even after Oprah was hired on to a local television station for the news, things didn’t go so easily. She was fired by the producer because she “unfit for television,” later taking a position with another station in Baltimore. Eventually, she hosted a local talk show named, People are Talking.

Later, in 1983, Winfrey re-located to Chicago, to host a station’s low-rated talk show called AM Chicago. Within a few months, the show went from last in the ratings, to higher than Donahue, which was the number one show at the time. This led to the show being renamed The Oprah Winfrey Show, which was syndicated across the country.

 

#4 – Jay-Z

Jay-Z

From an early age, Jay-Z had a knack for rhythm. But his meteoric rise to stardom didn’t happen overnight. He was faced with several roadblocks along the path to ultimate success. For example, in 1995 when Jay-Z tried tirelessly to strike a record deal, not a single label would sign him. It led him to establishing his own record company called Roc-a-fella Records with partners Damon Dash and Kareem Biggs.

After being turned down by so many labels, and eventually starting up his own record company, Jay-Z worked tirelessly to strike a distribution deal for his first album’s release. Eventually, he successfully negotiated a contract with Priority, later releasing his debut album entitled, Reasonable Doubt, which would eventually go on to hit platinum.

Jay-Z met with many failures along the road. Those failures weren’t just in the beginning of his career, but the beginning does highlight the tremendous amount of resistance he faced to achieve success. And, even at the prime of his career, Jay-Z was charged with allegedly stabbing someone at a record release party. He was tried, pleading not guilty, but later pleaded to a lesser criminal misdemeanor, resulting in three years of probation.

Considering that Jay-Z’s roots stemmed from the housing projects of Brooklyn, NY, and grew up in extreme poverty, he faced many failures and roadblocks in his life. But he never gave up. No matter what happened to him, no matter what failures he faced, he pushed through, growing as a person, and maturing to become a better individual.

 

#5 – J.K. Rowling

download (19).jpgRowling is one of the most inspirational success stories of our time. Many people simply know her as the woman who created Harry Potter. But, what most people don’t know is what she went through prior to reaching stardom. Rowling’s life was not peaches and cream. She struggled tremendously.

In 1990, Rowling first had the idea for Harry Potter. She stated that the idea came “fully formed” into her mind one day while she was on a train from Manchester to London. She began writing furiously. However, later that year, her mother died after 10 years of complications from Multiple Sclerosis.

In 1992 she moved to Portugal to teach English where she met a man, married, and had a daughter. In 1993, her marriage ended in divorce and she moved to Edinburgh, Scotland to be closer to her sister. At that time, she had three chapters of Harry Potter in her suitcase.

Rowling saw herself as a failure at this time. She was jobless, divorced, penniless, and with a dependent child. She suffered through bouts of depression, eventually signing up for government-assisted welfare. It was a difficult time in her life, but she pushed through the failures.

In 1995 all 12 major publishers rejected the Harry Potter script. But, it was a year later when a small publishing house, Bloomsbury, accepted it and extended a very small £1500 advance.  In 1997, the book was published with only 1000 copies, 500 of which were distributed to libraries.

In 1997 and 1998, the book won awards from Nestle Smarties Book Prize and the British Book Award for Children’s Book of the Year. After that, it was one wild ride for Rowling. Today, Rowling has sold more than 400 million copies of her books, and is considered to be the most successful woman author in the United Kingdom.

 

#6 – Stephen Kingimages (37)

Stephen King is famous for many critically-acclaimed novels, most of which have been made into movies. However, Stephen King’s first novel, Carrie, was rejected 30 times before it was published.

Not only that, but King actually threw the manuscript into the garbage, only later to be retrieved by his wife who wildly believed in his dream of becoming a published author.

Yet, King’s earlier years were also nothing to rave about. As a child, his family barely made ends meet, and in his later years as an English teacher, he supplemented his income by selling short stories to magazines.

Today, King has over 50 novels and has sold over 350 million copies of his work. Can you imagine what King’s life would be like had he given up? It’s difficult to imagine that such a successful author was once rejected so many times.

In his earlier years, King talks about submitting short stories to magazines beginning at the age of 16, and hanging the rejection slips on a nail until the slips were so heavy he had to change the nail to a spike.

images (38).jpg

#7 – Bill Gates

Before Microsoft was born, Bill Gates suffered failure in business. Known today to be one of the wealthiest men in the world, Bill Gates’s upper middle-class family is a stark contrast from some of the other successful failures out there that didn’t have well-off parents.

However, Bill Gates didn’t rely on his family. His business acumen was second to none. But his first business was indeed a failure. Traf-O-Data was a partnership between Gates, Paul Gilbert, and Paul Allen. The goal of the business was to create reports for roadway engineers from raw traffic data.

The company did achieve a little bit of success by processing the raw traffic data to generate some income. But the machine that they had built to process the data flopped when they tried to present it to a Seattle County traffic employee. Yet, this business helped to set Gates and his partner Paul Allen up for major success with Microsoft.

Although Gates failed at his first business, it didn’t discourage him from trying again. He didn’t want to give up because the sheer notion of business intrigued him. He was cleverly able to put together a company that revolutionized the personal computing marketplace. And we all know just how successful that was for him.

 

#8 – Henry Fordimages (39).jpg

Many people know Henry Ford for the Ford Motor Company, one of the most successful automotive companies of all time. However, what they don’t know is that Ford failed two times before that abruptly resulted in bankruptcies, prior to successfully launching the present incarnation of his company.

Ford is no stranger to failure, but he also didn’t give up. Yet, when we think about Ford, we don’t picture the failures because all it took was just succeeding one time. However, in 1899, at the age of 36 years old, Ford formed his first company, the Detroit Automobile Company with backing from the famed lumber baron, William H. Murphy. That company went bankrupt.

His second attempt was in 1901, when he formed the Henry Ford Company, which he ended up leaving with the rights to his name. That company was later renamed to the Cadillac Automobile Company. However, it was Ford’s third try, with the Ford Motor Company, that hit the proverbial nail on the head.

After that, we all know the story. Ford revolutionized the automobile industry, pioneering not only the Model T and the assembly line, but also the concept and notion of an automobile in every home. Driving became a “thing,” and subsequently, Ford’s Model T went on to sell over 17 million units.

 

Colonel-Sanders-Story-KFC-Never-Give-Up.jpg#9 – Colonel Sanders

bow tie. Colonel Sanders was the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC). Yet, the zany Sanders got off to a rocky start in life. In fact, it wasn’t until the age of 62 that he set out with a $105 social security check in hand to pitch his chicken recipe to restaurants. 1,009 folks told him he was crazy, but he didn’t give up.

Sanders worked many jobs including fireman, tire salesman, insurance salesman, and of course, a cook. He brewed up his secret chicken recipe between 1939-1940 when he figured out how to pressure fry the chicken in a faster and more consistent product all the time. He was at the age of 50 when that happened.

However, it wasn’t until 1952 that he hit the road and began trying to sell his franchise-model chicken restaurant. The first restaurant that he landed was based out of Salt Lake City, Utah, which became the first Kentucky Fried Chicken. The restaurant tripled its sales within a year where 75% of that revenue was from the colonel’s chicken.

The company grew and expanded faster than he could have ever imagined. In 1964, at the age of 74 years old, Sanders sold the company for $2 million dollars to a group of investors led by Jack C. Massey and John Y. Brown Jr. He retained the rights to the Canadian franchises and stayed on as a salaried goodwill ambassador to the company.

However, this just goes to show you that it doesn’t matter how old you are or just how much money you have to your name in order to accomplish something great.

 

#10 – Thomas Edisondownload (20).jpg

We’ve all heard the name before. This famous American is attributed with failing over 10,000 times to invent a commercially viable electric lightbulb, but he didn’t give up. When asked by a newspaper reporter if he felt like a failure and if he should give up, after having gone through over 9,000 failed attempts, Edison simply stated “Why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitely over 9,000 ways an electric lightbulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp.”

This is also the same person whose teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything,” and fired from his first two employment positions for not being productive enough. However, Edison, through his failures, is also the greatest innovator of all time with 1,093 US patents to his name, along with several others in the UK, and Canada. This is someone who refused to ever give up no matter what.

It’s said that in his early days, he attributed his success to his mother, who pulled him out of school and began to teach him herself. It’s because of his mother, and how wholeheartedly she believed in him, that he didn’t want to disappoint her. His early fascination for chemical experiments and mechanical engineering paved the way for a future that was incredible bright. His company, GE, is still one of the largest publicly-traded firms in the world, continually innovating across virtually every spectrum.

 

Walt-Disney-0111.jpg

#11 – WALT DISNEY

The man who has affected generations to come with his cartoon creations, was once considered a failure. Disney was fired by the editor in 1919 from his job at the Kansas City Star paper because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” However, the man who brought us Mickey Mouse and a slew of other characters didn’t stop failing there.

Disney’s first go at business landed in bankruptcy when he acquired an animation studio by the name of Laugh-O-Gram. The company was acquired because, at the time, Disney’s cartoon creations had gained popularity in the Kansas City area. But, when he hired on salaried employees, he was unable to manage money and the business wound up heavily in debt. Subsequently, he filed for bankruptcy and moved to Hollywood, California.

The early failures in Disney’s life didn’t dissuade him from moving forward. Of course, like anyone else, Disney’s failures were a blow to the ego. Anyone that has to suffer through the torment of failure and bankruptcy knows how this feels. However, it also laid the foundation for a successful career. When he formed the Walt Disney Company, all of his past failures helped to pave the way for a successful business.

Disney and the Walt Disney Company have touched the lives of millions across the globe. From cartoons, to theme parks, and animated movies, both children and adults now enjoy the fruits of Disney’s labor. Had he given up, things would have been far different. But he persevered, even through bankruptcy.

 

How important am I too you?


happy-friendship-day-fb-cover.pngFriendships, are

they important?

 

Why are friendships important?

 

If we are friends and I got you upset, angry, then why not tell me what I did so I can say I am sorry for making you angry!

Old friends that drift apart or away for reasons that make me think why?

I was chatting to a friend the other day and we often talk about many things in life .. things that make us happy, sad, our likes, dislikes, our pains our fun times or even we tend to talk about each others ups and downs in our present life.

That is what friends are for the only expectations we have of them is that they understand us and that we can say pretty much anything within a respectful and understanding manner.

I had no idea you felt that way…

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Sometimes we forget how to speak to our dear friends and we become self evolved within ourselves a bit and at times we over step our marks or our boundaries because our own lives are a little mixed up with perhaps stresses, misunderstanding, confusion, frustration, many factors that we tend to forget what is expected in a good friend, mate or an old ear that you tend to like to chat off.

I myself have said, many over bearing things to mates that I shouldnt perhaps don’t think for one moment that I don’t say, “Oh, shit, WTF, did I just say?”

I am sorry if I hurt you…

We get upset when people don’t hear our words, listen to our advise and expect our mates, friends, family to listen when given good advise I suppose that comes from not listening which gets us so upset and angry, scared and then we tend to close off because it all gets too hard .

It isn’t because we don’t love them it is because we love them that we shift away from them I guess, it’s like saying, “I love you, but, I can’t be near you”.pexels-photo-888992

I myself with my girlfriend  have done this many times for our own personal reasons but, with time and love we always reunite because a true friendship isn’t built nothing it is built on many levels of understanding and years of good times that we invested within each other.

We are only human and we must not expect too much from one another…..

I wrote this because many of us have this experience in our lives so don’t be so harsh on one another because your friendships are valuable and they exist because it is built on many beautiful levels of love, trust, communication, your similar like and a strong bond that isn’t taken ever for granted.

Remember, live isn’t easy and we all do our best to be our best sometimes however, walls tend to be created over nothing but, misunderstanding, lack of communication and it is never, ever taken for granted.tumblr_m41ofnx1Hg1rsc47to1_250

Always remember this – communication shuts down only because what you havent said, how your really feel, the friendship is shut down because you’re not telling each other the truth about each others lives..

Being Silent isn’t being a friend!

We stop ourselves because it gets hard to communicate or our mouths are shut due to the truth.. if we told each other the truth then we would talk more often..

If you care about me then tell me…

I am your friend… you can tell me anything… that you hate me.. that you like me that you are sorry, that I hurt you… that you’re not listening…. then that is what being a friend is all about being able to speak… to each other…

Talk to me .. don’t ignore me….

Our lives are short on this planet .. always open your mouth say what you mean and let’s be friends because at the end of the day it isn’t about quantity it is about quality.

 

Remember we are not mind readers so if we piss you off tell us.. say it.. don’t just say nothing…DWTQzc_VMAA0B5P.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“WE ONLY KNOW WHAT WE ONLY KNOW”

 

We are only what we are… this is because of what we only know….

It is better to say something to one another than to say nothing… be kind, be respectful, be open, be you, because that is all we as friends ever want from each other.

Love and Friendship is always very close…. why?

Well, you share so many beautiful experiences with each other.. we are not perfect that is what makes us so damn unique… every relationship starts off as a friendship so why wouldn’t you be you….

Nothing to lose right…..

Just be mindful of each other and remember to pause… let the other one speak… think about your words.. and always end a call with “I love you” …. xxx

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Remember to be kind…. you cannot make someone understand if you Do Not Paint that picture openly and honestly… so how can you get upset when you didn’t tell them how you really feel…. or what the truth is……we are all wrong when we shut down… not one side is innocent.. remember that…. xxx

We all try hard to be better if I am not getting better then tell me….

I can only do what I understand… not what you understand…..

 

This place isn’t about Love……. it’s All about LUST!!!!!!


As she comes into a room and says it how it is…… ….

It isn’t about LOVE it is all about L U S T

https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/08/21/love-is-the-answer-you-know/

So, funny, I posted this comment (the above link) on a Website which I will not name, and it seems to some that Love isn’t the answer it is about LUST!!!

All about LUST, not love…… okay!

However, I was actually talking about marriage and couples that love each other and do what they do together..oh, well, perhaps I must be more clearer with my titles that I use in future.. damn it…… damn it…..

Silly me, naughty, naughty, get it right sweet innocent one…. (me I am talking about geezz)

That is fine I was referring to a majority of people or couples not referring to my total thoughts on what I think… or was I????

Or really what you think your justification of what you do with your husband…. go figure… I must, I must increase my ASS pictures, then I will know everything it is to understand about LUST….. sheesh I am still learning NOT!!

…..in case some didn’t get it that as me being sarcastically humourous sort of 🙂

Challenging, right? No? Yes? Perhaps? ………….ANNOYING RIGHT!!!!

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Wow, so quickly we judge, it is like talking to someone and suddenly they are finishing your answers so, so, so BAD Candii xxx

It is also about Listening, something I have recently learnt, it is also about patience, understanding, communicating, trusting, lusting if you wish and having hot erotic sweetly, nasty  and most of all spank sex right!

Which is something I must be lacking ATM, oh the Gods, please hear me roar, or those that wish to hear me, feel me, touch me, fuck me…. go figure……

So your talking about this??

 

Love is the Answer you know!!!! Or is it?????


Rewarding oneself with the Temptation of a moment of Selfish Satisfaction!!!

How stressful life would be to sneak around, hide all those apps you protect so much, head down into your mobile phone searching for a moment of Satisfaction from receiving a message, a kiss, a loving gesture that will only matter for that moment until the next person comes along!!

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Why on Earth would you do it , when you could experience beautiful moments with that person you chose so many years ago!!

By all means experience endless possibilities together as a couple, but, what is it about having that Cake and wanting another behind their back?

The stress alone will kill ya, don’t you think?

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“I love you to the moon and back”, so clique, or is it?

Beautiful sayings of devotion, love, a desire to tell another that you love them!!

We all want to be loved, however, we don’t want to put so much work into it, right?

Wrong!!!b8d9f282b4e9d98c2584119dff9fd978

We then put so much stress and devotion into keeping those who you so-called love, and then looking, searching continually for something to fluff up your EGO!!

All because your insecure about yourself and you think so very little of that beautiful person that you once loved so dearly?

Or did you ever love them in the first place?

Let’s face it … maybe your incapable of loving another person solely, maybe we all are?

Are we that dissatisfied with ourselves that we put so much effort in attaining something that isn’t going to last or only last for a moment!

We then put away the mobile, computer walk away, get angry with those that have nothing to do with what “you did”. but, we then justify ourselves by blaming another for how your actions are deep inside yourself..

I have no answers just questions, many of them…. so I ask, and ask and ask, you are probably wondering why I ask?

Well, because I feel that we don’t use our whole potential as being open, honest with our feelings with one another we choose to hide, not totally tell the truth because we are all scared of rejection, being labelled, looking like a fool, cheater, mean, cruel, selfish, all those and more…

Well, I am going to say it how it is…

“Humans are Selfish”, they want too much and give too little, we all do it, we lie, we cheat on ourselves mostly, we discount our own intelligence, we never stop for one moment, do we?

The Note book, Love this movie, especially this, it is real, true, and it is bound by devotion, love , desire, a true pain in the ass feeling however, passionate with every word they both say to each other….love is hard, it means work and nothing is ever easy..however, it is when you put the hard work into it….

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Sexual desires, an urge, a consistent dilemma where you’re wanting validation of your own need or is it just not enough in your own life that you wish to be part of another life for your own tick box?

I really don’t have that answer just yet!

There seems to be an acceptance of “my right to do as I feel no matter at what cost”, we big note ourselves with our “Huge Ego’s, by selling ourselves in a scene that says, “About me”!

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How huge is dating sites on the internet?  Multi-Media dating or I would call it perhaps a self-satisfaction of validating the worst kind of validation which is “Rewarding oneself by selling our souls so you can feel attractive, attainable, sexually desired, even possibly a validation of self-worth.”

So, at what cost?

Let’s look at searching for sexual validation, self-worth within your self, lack of love,  a pure desire to be adored, attractive to another, desired for being a nice person, all these emotions are deserving – however, only to those that are single, looking for love or perhaps are not in a loving relationship however, why stay in a relationship that makes you feel the opposite of what you are looking for within that Married lifestyle?!

Well, sad, happy, belated, whatever, you wish to call it…. it is a bit like this…. “You want your cake and you wish to eat someone elses or perhaps have another piece”.

Very sad indeed, easy enough to fall into this trap of “Selfish, love, more so it is very lazy of you to do this when perhaps you could put the effort into your own life if you feel it is worth it, right?”

  • Now, what if you stay in this loveless carnival of bullshit, what then?
  • So, again it’s all about have more Cake, right?
  • My question is to those that are attached, if you don’t include your partner then why look elsewhere and stay in this marriage or partnership it cannot be because of children, or self-worth, or even a mortgage?
  • What is it that those that stay in a marriage also want more without that partner?

All that energy in sneaking around and making sure the other half doesn’t touch your mobile, or laptop computer, or heaven forbid your actually receiving love letters in the post! Ha! Funny, NOT!!!

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Perhaps as a couple we are both at fault, we should put in all this effort that we are putting out into the world with those we love, care about, right?

So, how is it that no ones cares enough to help each other – too hard, NEXT victim!!!

End of the day you will repeat it over and over and over again…. with the next person you meet…. until the day you die…. all because of selfish, thoughtless, stupid, ego hot heads who desires others to validate them as a person of sexual significance????

 

Please tell me if I am wrong???

 

The truth is…. it is BOTH,you are at fault!!!!!!

Why?

Because, you settled with someone who was not comparable to YOU!!!!!! Please tell me that I am wrong?

So, I will leave you with this video clip of what love may mean to some that have a Romantic bone in their body.. like I do…

When is it okay to forgive someone for “cheating’?


A cheating partner, a personal story of how we look at things in life!

What we as the partner would say that will allow us to say it’s okay?

Is it okay to cheat?

Have you ever been cheated on?

Why?

No?

Yes?

Maybe?

Perhaps it’s more about the why’s?

The justifcation of a partner that prefers to do it alone because they feel it’s “all too hard”, or is it because they require an outlet to be themselves?

Interesting and sad at the same time all because they feel it’s “them with the problem”, not you that cheats?

 

In your opinion, do you think we should forgive those that know no different?

Is it because they cannot be faithful?

Do they get bored?

What is your thoughts on partners that cheat?

When would you say it’s okay sweetheat I forgive you?

 

What would it take for you to forgive someone for cheating?

 

 

Question Time People… if I get enough people to answer.. I was thinking about doing this with Prizes…. but, let’s see if others Answer any of my questions….


So ladies, I have a few questions for you if you have the time to answer 🙂

I wanted to find out what others thing of our preferred preferances in our life and todays society as we call it…What is missing in todays social stream, or perhaps friendships or how about this.. what does it take for you to call a friend a friend?

Us girls seem to love having friendships with either other girls or some girls prefer friendships with men, am I right?

  •  Which do you prefer to have a chin wag with Men or Ladies mates?
  • Why do you prefer it?
  • And what is it that you like about your choice of chatter?

 

Let’s chat ladies and if men wish to answer that would be nice…… let’s see if we get a few to answer some simple however, could be an interesting banter. I would prefter you to be brutally honest…..

End of a Journey… or Is it?


So, how does a Journey End, well, normaly,  I guess it would sound a bit like this, it is with love, respect, fabulous chemistry, trust, definately, communication that I will ever know in my life.

Then I would perhaps thank those who we had multiple times in the sack with and I would go into many experiences and even probably a sex hot story or two…right!

However, I cannot really tell a lie, it’s been close due to our minds thinking it.. is that an experience or is it a story in your head?

Hmm???

I am not an expert on the art of Sexual Taboos love to tell you a different story but, alas I would be lying, and that well, isnt me.

I guess we all have limitations and at times mostly fears mainly because we don’t tend to focus more on the positive side of life… It seems that people gravitate to a negivate picture of life rather than the positive which in fact is a damn shame.

I have a very limited sexual past damn it, that could be because I was married young, and it could also be those choices that we make in life well, end up being experiences that we need to work on further. “SHIT REALLY? NO”

For men though that old saying, “The World is my Oyster”, bless them for having that beautiful, birth right, as a man, you have the ability to do pretty much anything without even being slammed really.  I suppose that is the best part of being a male, they can sleep with as many women as they want, because let’s face it they are legends, and you know what why the “hell” not, really.best-sex-songs-of-all-time-kiiroo_2048x

So, I heard a funny news heading, the other day it was, “women have two choices, they can either be a “good girl or a “whore” unfortunately, there is no other choice for us girls.

Well, you could pick other sexual likes if you wish however, it really isnt the same is it!

So, ending of a era perhaps, it is, who really knows, no expectations ever was really set in stone, I guess if you “wave a magic wond” and the girl will turn into a slut for the evening without any repacutions, then that would be ideal, right?

Slut, what a word, jesus, that is the most horrid name a girl could be called, however, it all depends on how that is constructed in a story really, lol

I thought I was open, honest enough, I thought I did my best at connecting, loving, being a loving wife, however, I do believe, that perhaps, I was a little “wilfill”, perhaps a little “outspoken”, maybe a little “Rebellious” if you wish.

I have used bad language, but, I cannot seem to be able to cheat on any of my past partners, and definately my husband Courtney, I have loved that man since the day I met the blue eyed, long sandy, haired beach bum, that I remember walking into my home in Mt Hawthorn.

Talk about a journey of two willfill, outspoken, hugely loud individuals that we where and always have been, we have loved hard, we have fought hard but, we did both work very hard to making it to 21 years in October the 16th.

Does everything last forever, I had hoped so, who knows, it could, maybe, however, who knows what happens tomorrow perhaps if you have a crystal ball, you could tell me what our outcome will be that would be nice.

I had visioned many, many experiences of openness, honesty, trust that only those who worked hard for it could possibly master that title of a beautiful word..

Trust, true, loving, devoted, honoring, they are beautiful words that make you swoon right?, however, as we all yearn for Connection, finding that like-minded partner, we tend to walk our path which we talk about a lot..

concentrate on the path, stop looking for that damn squirrel, it will bite you, I am telling you, both of us always tend to get a bit bored on our path of life or perhaps frustrated in trying our asses off in getting there.  Suddenly, you find reasons not to walk the path and your then both with each other on the same damn path but, I always laugh about that squirrels we would always have in front of us or back of us.. all depends. (that was a joke)

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The Squirrel, is basically a term for a different route to life because I guess that is just a human aspect of our characters we all get a little stuck on something and before you know it our sight is forming on a different route because it entertains our minds.

I got a bit side tracked there, I am a little upset tonight, I guess, I am having a bit of a shit evening thinking of my future of being a counsellor and a sexologist, why? well, I guess it’s because perhaps I may not be as open-minded as I thought I could be.

I had this vision of helping those who needed our help forming a team of great minds with huge experiences, by empowering couples, singles, young adults in giving them “tools” to live a life better, happier, sexier, open with each other.
In doing this though of course I had to be open, honest, and probably think out of the box by putting ourselves in boxes that normal everyday couples don’t or wouldn’t dare.

Why? Funny, well that is how you experience life, you’re a better counsellor or sexologist by talking to couples who are out there swinging, saying and doing things that other couples wouldn’t do because well, its taboo of course.

Not just Taboo, risky, too hot for us kinda, I really didn’t get that far, nor would have maybe that’s my problem, who really knows, I listened very well, I struggled with us both having behaviour (mostly me).

Limitations due to disagreements of  little bumps  that can come up, and that worried me why? Well, because my hubby is important to me.. and I was trying to understand how this could ever work.. without drama, agruements, etc.. so you tend to watch each other and make decisions based on what you know.. and perhaps that is the wrong thing..   What you know, is what you know?

So, what if it worked out????????

That my friends is the BIG question… however, ego, pride, jealousy whichever, could get into a messy, messy moment so, perhaps we talked too much and never did it..

that isnt a bad thing.. its a loving thing.. respectful, but, not a spontanious thing… if there is no connection, understanding or even a mind that is like minded then why would you be that stupid for male on male or female oh you get my point…

Risks are BIG or NOT…. you need to work that little bugger out…. now dont you??

And many times I felt no fear and so wanted to open up turn around and see what I life I actually decided to slow it down to make sure this is what he wanted and of course I wanted as well.  Our marriage is important to us and so are our friends, family and people that we socially know and I am not one for liking that hurt factor especially, if I have never experienced a connection that we all could experience or together I really have no answer to things I don’t understand nor let alone experienced.

I did ponder and my husband did on Redhotpie, to see what was out there and many other sites, and I have written some of what I have seen and it is a bit of a difference of likes and kinks out there which is healthy and as most would call it Taboo..

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So, how do you know if you can do such things? GOOD question!

I guess behaviour, has alot to do with it, if your living life and enjoying your life together and growing and understanding and loving then you have no hick ups.  However, if you see hic ups, of anger, broodiness, and just not quite there yet, you tend to slow it down until you see those roses I guess.

It can possibly hinder your marriage, I have to say, it has pushed us both into a bit of disputes we seems so fustrated so you commuicate to understand why right?

Let’s face it Brave it is… it takes alot of trust, and love, and you must always, always, talk to each other especially those hard difficult talks.. you know, those talks of honesty, those are the ones that get you both hostile from time to time because you could both disagree or perhaps agree.. 

We are all different

This is good, to do, and if you can do this without a arguement then all lights are green it’s fine weather right!  Well, life isnt that simple, now is it we all have bills, fustrations, road blocks, we both have different personalities and ideas of how that looks and it is an interested talk but, at times can easily get lost in translation and a little insulting towards each other too.

This is normal though, just sometimes I guess your obsticles can get stuck a bit and we will then go into a different mindset called, “Ground hog day”, this is where we go over, and over the same talk until we are wanting the conversation STOPPED!

Sound familuar, yuppers, too familuar, but, of course it is healthy because you care and love one another and you both dont want to be misunderstood!

Well, I guess, even those taboo goers may talk about this with each other of course it would be much different because they live that life style and really it  is part of there lives so what they talk about isnt what we talk about..

I have limitations as a female, I have been in situations that you would call not good, and for me it was important to make sure that we both where safe so we spent alot of time talking and sometimes we wouldnt and those times where good times.

Life together as a couple is either easy, hard, difficult or no way, we have church on Sunday and we better eat the bread of christ so, there is no naughty naughty, right!

So, is it over?

Time will tell, and I guess, or hope it isn’t but, this isnt easy, wish at times it was, and funny enough the more you talk, the more you talk yourself out of a situation and then it turns into a spat a tac.

Fustration comes to mind, remember a good connection is all about being honest, open, trustworthy and loving if you find any of those emotions lacking then you need to refocus because it will tarnish and harm your beautiful marriage.

The yeses, become no’s and when they are questioned sometimes incequirities arise where they never rose before.. why? well, tabboo county comes to mind, and parts of your inner self does tend to get stuck on something that even a elephant may have trouble in explaining whys, could bes, of course and definately NO’s.

Just focus on your Communication, trust, openness, a want for both partners, never leave a partner back in the car park wondering which lane to park the damn car, this could take years and lots of tears..

And most definately Enjoy your lives because we only have 1 life so experienc it with openess and most of all love… very important..

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Candii xx

Being Present in someones Life, Are you?


How present are you?!?!?

Have you given up and just went stuff it?!?!

or is it this…“Out of mind out of sight?”

So, let’s talk about what most people do not like to even whisper these words…… “Mental illness”, “Crazy Dazy”, “Loony toones”, that person has lost the plot!, sound familiar? you get the picture, right?!

Well, I have to say at what level would you call someone who has any of the above?

I would say “hand on heart”, many people, however, in saying “many people”, well, most who have felt a little off, or perhaps you could say, I have lost the plot and your coming with me!!

Giggle, no seriously, speaking, we are only human and as humans are we do the best we can, right?

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I believe there is a thought I have that some and if not many of us all have a level of a bit of “Crazy Dazey”, if you wish to put that in a sentence.

In most cases I think once you have done a few courses or at least been around good people who understand a level of what that really means we all have a part in our life that either will challenge us, or perhaps we recognise that our past and our experiences could potentially send you a bit on the “Dazey stage”, of life!

Being Present – what does that mean?

We must remember to be present in people’s lives is not being in their life as in face on face it just means if that person has a few strange and weird questions perhaps ask how they are going, or maybe say, whats been happening, we are “all” not therapists and those that are well .

Some are not what I would call natural at their skill, however, absent attitude of not understanding themselves and most of all you as a person!

PS. No PUN intended!!!

Remember there is not box to put us in, there is not label to stamp us with and also be mindful of what you say or don’t say to another, that is if you suspect that a person is reaching out to ask you a question it is because they trust you and do value your answers.

By the way that is especially a nice and beautiful thing, so please be mindful when someone is asking you a question, or perhaps sending you a message or your on the phone to them, “take the time to think before you state what you may possibly regret later”.

None of us on this Earth is “perfectly grafted”, so please, please, we should be mindful to those that are gracefully labelled so, imperfectly!

Old saying, People who live in glass houses, should really know better, don’t you think????

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Sharing and Caring – by Franny…


Hello Cindii here,

I have amended this to include a very private bit of one story that occurred to me.. so you have an idea what happens.. so please read.. comments would be lovely if you wish… if you don’t all good.. this is all about understanding…and sharing a story of hope….

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I wanted to share with you a few truths about my journey to date, I have experienced many chapters that often can be beautiful, make you smile, love, desire, trust, cherish, those words that you don’t often see in posts.

We are more likely to see words like, I had a terrible day because, I didn’t get out of bed because, I feel sad, I can’t stop feeling like I am a bad person, Why am I worthless, What did I do to you, How come I feel so ashamed, I want to kill myself!

Now those above are definately HUGE…… WARNING SIGNS, and to be perfectly honest, I have used everyone of them and more, only to me and only in my head I use them unless I am speaking to someone I trust enough to tell them too. (it took me years and years to understand why I felt so low for so long)

So, how to stop your little “minions” in your head?!?

Well, you have to forse yourself to say things nice about YOU… easy? is it?

It is yes 🙂

Well, the first step is reading my post, so thank you if you are suffering any of those emotional words and I want to say something to you, “You will be okay, if you allow yourself “this”, take those steps to help “YOU”, because I felt all of those words and more my dear reader and it hurt my soul, deeply, I felt like I was worth nothing, and it was distroying everything I was, and wanted to live for and that isn’t fair to live a life having those emotional words in your head, right!

So, I guess my journey perhaps a little off center you could say how I ended up getting help – long story personal story.. perhaps for a book that may come out later when all are dead… (that was a joke)

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Life is about learning, And, yes look above, “Don’t be so hard on yourself”, we all do it, we all think that we are not good enough, so I am here to tell you, Boulderdash, and Bees wax, you SO, ARE!!!!

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This picture is me a little enhanced at Easter however, still it is me, smiling, happy, I don’t look at all sad now do I?

WRONG!!!

Well, I was, I was so down, and battelling with me it was taking my life away within an instant, “my flashbacks where so bad, that I thought that I was dying, I recall, pleading over the telephone, to my husband, saying I had been raped too many times I don’t and still wont put that number down here”!!!

My heart sank, I was in such shock my entire body was trembling under me, I was home alone, and I felt empty, humiliated, I felt that my life was over, and there was nothing within that moment of time that you could say, do or even give me to make me feel better once I acknowedged that horrid number!!

I cried my eyes out, and then shock hit me.. I went white, my body was trembling, swet was dripping off me like a tap and my breath was just about “done”!

I wanted out!!!!

I wanted to die, I wanted nothing else but, to end my life because I felt like I was worthless!!

I had enough energy to get up I walked into my spare room and I forsed myself to do my timeline to see exactly that number…. and I was right!

Then suddenly it hit me, I felt better, I have no idea what it was, I think it was finding out that 1 person had hurt me multiple times and for some stupid reason I was relieved to read that… well, at least I felt morbidly better..

Seriously, how does that sound? 

I felt better because 1 person raped me multiple times?? WTF???

So, now what?  Well, as we all do we live, and that is exactly what I wanted to do, I wanted to live happier, love those that I care about, and live a life that I really feel passionate about because my life looking back was shit!!

And, frankly, I don’t care how other perseve me, I really could give a hoot about anyones rude behaviour because I am me, and I am strong enough, to get through all that has been done to me.

Why because I am worth it!!

And so are you!!!

So here is my suggestions to living a life worth living and loving yourself because you deserve to live it !!!!

“Never ever, allow another to take something off you without your approval, without your, acknowledgement, without your concent”

So, here I am after 3 years or take a few months if you wish, happier, getting healthier, and definately doing what I want to do and that is helping others that have suffered the same as I have suffered.

I also want to help couples, love better, kinder, sexier, hotter, push themselves to a point of understanding why they are attracted to one another… or push our own boundaries because we are worth every moment from the day we are born…

My motto is ………….. for gods sakes life is too short lick the bloody spoon, will you!!

Look for your warning signs like I did….. below I had more than those, let me give you the hot tip!!!

I used this term, “Ground hog day”, The never-ending Story and I use, “The Trueman Show”, those titles are about reflecting on a part of your life that hurt your soul and it was brushed under the carpet so no one knew it was that messy.

The only solution for erasing or at least diminishing those titles is about learning and listening and understanding a new yet odd language of life, this takes devotions, a wanting to let it go, a strength within yourself to understand neglect, harm, trauma, all those words and more I wanted to set yourself FREE.

Okay, how do you do that?

Well, it takes time, it takes patience, it takes trust, respect yourself and those around you to help you evolved into the beautiful human you can be..

Firstly, you need to find someone who has the background that can help you move forward, then you need to trust that you’re not going to be harmed by the person you chose to help you.

What do you look for in a counselor or therapist or even a trust friend, partner or family member:

However, I would recommend the first two suggestions Counsellor or therapist mainly because they will give you the tools to help you going forward.

Here are some suggestions that I would say to you to do:

Make sure your ready to do this each persons experience can and will affect you and you have to make sure that you understand this before you even go down this path.

If your trauma is sexual, abusive, harmful experience that you went through you must seek a professional as they will help you cope with using tools that will help you cope with these epoxides.

First steps:

  • So make sure you feel ready for this new journey of letting go of your past!
  • Make sure you have plenty of rest, you eat well and are exercising or at least physically fine before you do any sessions with anyone.
  • No DRUGS!!!!!!
  • No alcohol on an ongoing basis this will distort your thoughts and run you down
  • Remember it isn’t your fault and you must understand what may have occurred will not harm you going forward by talking about it with a professional.
  • Drink Water it will hydrate you 

These first steps are set because I understand on all the above as I myself have suffered from drinking too much, having drugs to numb me and health and hygiene is a MUST, with depression and sadness, any trauma, you will become a sloth!! Sorry, you WILL time will not heal you with isolation, depression, anxiety, sadness, it will kill you.. so please understand I am trying to give you sound advice…

How did I feel about me: “I hated me, I hated them, I hated everything about ME, and then some!!

Second Steps:

After you have managed to set yourself free of those nastier, you then decide who should I use as good counsellors..theraphist or even a psychologist,  I will help you with some by adding them to the bottom of this post.

Okay, so your ready to find a good counsellor or therapist!!

  • Find a therapist that has the tools with your trauma, sadness, depression or anxiety that you’re experiencing
  • Ask questions…. it is your right to ask them to your chosen person that you will be telling your trauma too!!
  • Understand your rights… they have a duty of care to report anyone they feel will harm you or perhaps you will harm another.. this is just the set rules of any type of professional and they should inform you on the first session.
  • Remember they are not your BEST friend, they are a sounding board for you to talk to, cry to, understand yourself and help you move forward in your journey of life!

So, if you wanted to invite them to a BBQ, they will decline as they are only there to help you find those tools in moving forward to a better life.

Now remember it is all up to you… you will experience episodes of joy, happiness, and most of all if it was trauma or abuse, you could possibly in fact WILL have flashbacks of that time in your life … relax, it will get better…

Trust your journey Like I have it is about understanding yourself and allowing you to live a better happier and for for filling life going forward.

Now, just so you know, we are only human, we do cry, we get angry we will yell, scream, get confused and have times of sorrow.

However, with the right help you will discover that life can and will be better if you allow yourself to be Open and most of all keep your pride and ego at the door when you enter because that my friends, is everyone’s Achilles!!

The time it took me is over 3 years this all depends on your personal experiences in your life.. so understand it isnt a quick fix.. however, it is a life better lived if you are brave enough to allow yourself to do this..

My suggestion is do it!! For YOU!!

Counselling Support is below:

Mens Health Help contacts:

Child Help for parents:

A Girl that will end up with Cats… Meow!!!


Let’s talk about “Responsibilities”, “Being Real (Authentic)”, “Bit off more than you could chew”, all these things and more come from people who find something facinating to finding it too much or perhaps too little too late?

Who really knows this is what occurrs when communication is somewhat limited to your understanding, many of us or far and few of us, perhaps understands more about those “words” than you really know or even could understand yourself.

People go into commitments like finding your life partner, or perhaps, girlfriend status, or maybe just seeing someone, then you have kinks, so many too many to list, however, I wonder if those who like or are attracted to a life style which most are feel a little bit like a “fish out of water”.

We all look at things different and some of us look at the “Real big picture”, like me!

I am a realist, this means I can understand more than you think!
I can see people sneak off by thinking that have not been noticed, and those who are so closed up that they forget to open their hearts, so they are so tightly clenched they will endevour to vomit out “bullshit”, crap that isnt even on the radar!

Stress, over thinking, drama made up because of your own thoughts not the whole picture painted in real colour and real contence.

We give a little, take alot, never really being present, authentic people never hind, they flood out there feelings like it is luke warm honey oozing from the gods!!  They talk like it is nothing and to me it is a whole lot of something, I never ever, look at life with rose coloured glasses, unfortunately, never have that luxury to do this really!

I had felt all those wonderful feelings once, where I would have expectations of running through rainbows, playing like a crazy chick, now ” I live for the moment” , never expecting anything and that is okay I guess.. However, my rainbows stopped a very long time ago so expectations tend to never occurr, when this happens to a little girl well, you could say your life becomes pretty real and this isnt a bad thing trust me..

I guess I like my way of thinking because I really have no expectations on others.. perhaps my thoughts are “out there” perhaps they are not.. who really understands a girl that will end up with cats… hehehe

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MEOW…

Tell your kids about the Birds and the Bee’s … if not watch the movie I added..


Hey, Candii here,

Oh, I do love to chat about this subject when it comes to young youths boys and girls who are striving or starving for answers about “Life”!

The Talk, I chattered to a Blogger friend about this and I agree, we both didn’t really get much from “the Talk”, my mother told me sex is only for babies!!

The rest as a curious young little girl as I was I found out about SEX harder, slower, jackrabbit, Vasso, was the lube of the 80’s and might I add “Never use Vasso” it is nasty, harsh and could cause multiple problems in the nether regions for ladies I mean!!

My advice to younger mums, dads, grandparents, you MUST be honest, yes tell them about where babies come from, but please and I say this with all due respect to mums and dads that not telling them isn’t the answer!!!

Here are some very important tips to what I am trying to tell you both if your child girl or little boy is of a curious mind meaning they are always doing things you tell them not too, this means they are curious and if you say NO to them they will hunt it down and find out why!!

I did and I will always because I love that word NO, I respond either in my warped mind “why”, I see, hmmm, ok, right, no is no, hmm mm, you see what I mean..

So how do you say sex to your children, well you tell them the truth, you tell them about your story or a story that you know is really how they are required to kiss each other, get naked, show each other their naked bits, (in other words if they are really young this should gross them out)  If they are older well, sorry its hardcore chat to your kids parents!!

Here is a true story about Perth (WA’s Chief of Police) his child a boy well he was a meth addict and his father well, he is the man who has shut down our pubs in Perth they call it “lock up rights” you must be either inside a pub by the time the clock strikes 12 then you are either locked in or your locked out !!

Personally, I think he has a few screws loose, in the top paddock and now looks at Perth’s nightlife, places are shutting down, no ones going out anymore and to perfectly honest it’s hell out on the town on a Friday or Saturday night!!

This man should have been a little bit more lenient towards his child and allowed his child the respect he should have given him and that was lenient towards him never tell a child No, tell them the why’s, the how’s the experiences of what could occur and how important it is to find a like-minded person to do these things with at a better age of understanding.

The Talk for girls and boys should always be honest talks and make it fun, tell them funny stories that they understand, not serious, hideous, hardcore stories that will shock them into therapy … Come on people, treat your children with a little respect because let me give you the hot tip, denying you as having past yourselves well your just being pig headed and foolish!!

So, man up, women up and tell them a real story about you two .. it might surprise you how they react!!

They are your children and you should know how they are wired so chillax it isn’t the ass end of life it is the beginning of many family funnies, and they will come back to you and remember that story because you gave them something better.

The Truth!!

Our kids are very clever, they have mobiles phones, I pads, they have seen sex on the internet by either friend or another way plus they hear everything you say to each other because they are mini you both!!

We adore our children so please don’t be a pratt and tell them stupid book stories, or sex is for babies only so don’t even think about it… my god, that is the worst story EVER!!!

And if you don’t do the talk with your girls.. they will meet this guy..watch this movie..OMG!!!

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To a Dear Friend… and Loved ones…


Hey Candii here,

(Before I type this I wanted to say this, when you can’t identify a strong emotional feeling by name and you know it’s amazing..by how it feels or makes you feel effortlessly well, that is love saying your worth it so take my gift back and make sure you 3 never give up because. it is called LOVE)

I wanted to share something with you on a few things I have learnt today, when people use language including myself you must realize that if someone doesn’t like what you say then they do have the right to voice it.. or in some cases stay silent.

The reason why they need to voice it is on many levels and that is tone, sound, how you word your words on higher and lower, it can and maybe very destructive to others.

I have noticed including myself there is many people who suffer depression, PTSD, trauma, anxiety, have been hurt very badly, including rape and I detest using that word.

Sometimes when we share our views on our personal environment (me included) can and will either hinder, hurt, make others feel less than what they should feel, words on a blog, email and even a letter sent you must understand that if you talk with thinking your better, or knowledge is more personalized with a topic you MUST expect others to read it and state their view.

I spoke to a family member today and without going to far into it .. I realized that tone and manner not to mention that dismissed attitude that I was once fond of for many years “did effect me today”.

I write mostly about stupid idiot rubbish which I will delete with time once I get my thought process together I must use better language and I must be present and I must understand that what once was my thought process isn’t now..

I know this so much I can taste it…

I wrote about Friends with Benefits, who am I kidding, I am using my heart, soul, and feelings and I have to be bloody honest, how hard would that be for me now..

Bloody hard, I am now awake, I know I can and act like anyone, with a loose tongue and a attitude that no one is close to my heart.. what a load of crap!

If I consider you as a friend how the hell can I separate my feelings, my heart, and how my head is, I know me, why do you think somethings are hard or difficult for me..  nothing good is ever easy.. so make sure you do it for the right reasons and not just something your doing!!!

Because you could hurt those you love and that they love you..

Risking my self seemed so effortless in my younger years but, not so easy now in my older years.. I really have to take in how I feel about those individuals and my own feelings so I am trying to understand with frustration sometimes on how that is set.

Set and Settings remember – take this as a compliment because yes, once upon a time thank god in my past I could be like “don’t care” now I do.. and I love being like this however, its very scary for me.. perhaps that is a good thing.. it means more, real and many other flavors, levels and feelings that once was is back and present.

I would be totally and utterly devastated that I had hurt anyone that I care about with my words that I use now, because that really isn’t me.. That person was me when I forgot to use my heart.. now I use my heart.. and it hurts if I hurt another person that I care about.

Remember words, are important, so when you say something, do something you make sure you do it for the right reasons and never , ever, take any of it for granted.

Because life is too short, yes, and too beautiful to use bad language just to prove a stupid, pointless banter about bull shit..

Love, your life, Live it, if you don’t like what another says on a blog then send him/her to buggery because at the end of the day.. you will only invest in those that understand how others feel, how others would feel if reading anyone’s blogs..

So, from now on.. meet me half way so at least I know I am not going to hurt myself or others going forward.. if not I get you and love you anyway xxx

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So, I had to say the above because it was on my mind and people on these blogs can be insulting, rude, shameful, hurtful and quite cruel because using words of expressing what they think is there feelings well I am sorry it can and will be cruel to those we care and love, dear friends, husbands, wives, partners, and even family.. so be mindful of using better words and think before you type..

So, with Love I say….once I lost that emotion by being numb, slowly it crept up behind me and said, hello remember me .. and I said, I remember you your Love)

Awww that is so cute….

However, if your a nastisistic asshole please use those correct words as that is actually what it reads… sorry… fellow blogger..

Why do we put labels on sexual roles?


Just because you may classify yourself as a top or bottom, or dom or sub, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a bit of the other during kinky play.

Indeed, Fetish.com says if you scrap the labels and switch things up, sex can be a whole lot more enjoyable…

The terms “topping” and “bottoming” paint service-oriented sex in black and white. They assume that each corresponding party has only one set of interests that don’t extend beyond their role.

Humans, however, are complex, and this is not the case for most people. Can a top love anal stimulation?

Can bottoms enjoy inserting things into their partners’ various orifices? Absolutely, and you don’t need to be a switch to incorporate diverse preferences without compromising the dynamic of a scene.

Getting what you want out of a scene

Our desires can sometimes exist as the opposite of our sexual personae, so it’s important to take them out of the context of a scene for this conversation with your partner(s) or yourself.

Instead, phrase your list of wants and needs with, “I want to receive,” or “I want to give.” The only roles that need to be considered here are whether you are the giver or recipient of the play at hand.

Once you know what specific sensations you and your partner(s) are chasing, you can then decide how you want to switch to give or receive them.

Switch it up: talk about how you want it

For many, sexual preferences are seen in terms of dominant and submissive behaviour, which means that while someone may like to be spanked, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll enjoy a spanking anytime, any place, by anyone.

If someone gets off from being in a position of dominance, then the way they receive a spanking must be done following that preference.

Switch and reverse roles. Woman with collar and chain.
Unleash your sexual desires. Switch up your roles during kinky play.

However, my Dom(me) will punish me if I spank her, but not if I was commanded to do so, especially if she holds my leash as I spank her, or if then I’m spanked in return for not taking her orders correctly.

The above is one example of service-oriented submission, which is a fancy term for doing things to your top from the bottom. The premise of service within the context of power exchange is existing solely to please your Mistress or Master, even though doing so also pleases you.

How can a sub go about initiating?

How does a sub go about anything? By asking permission, of course:

“Sir, may I please insert this toy inside of your butt?”

“You may, but only after getting it nice and wet first.”

How does said sub know their Master enjoys anal play?

They had a very open and clear conversation about what they want to experience before they started playing. During which, there was ample opportunity for the sub to say, “Initiating anal play might take me out of my subspace. Can you command me to use the toy on you instead?”

Get rid of the labels

Spanking is not only for bottoms, and receiving blowjobs is not just for tops. Getting spanked and getting blown are both acts of receipt.

Both require a giver and taker. The versatile aspect of these actions is the motive behind them.

Is Person A receiving a spanking because they were naughty or because they’re demanding one for pleasure?

Is Person B getting blown at their own accord, as a reward for behaving well, or as a means of humiliation?

Beyond the disassociation of behaviour from pre-conceived roles, there lies a broader variety of possible sensations that can be experienced within a power exchange.

Your physical position during a sex act (i.e. top or bottom) does not mandate your status as a Dominant or Submissive, your intent does.

Put differently, taking the act and the role as separate things opens you up to many more possibilities for interesting power play.

Play together.. so you can Stay together…


 

Life is amazing and scary and many, many things the most terrifying moments for me is to be present… Why?

Because of never being able to have the present real.. expectations are never true, the expectations of surprise and happiness taken away within an instance and feeling forever feeling never, ever enough for anyone!

This song I will do anything normally not to listen to it because frankly it means I have to listen and be present and never, ever, ever, be belated… why?

Because it is never, ever, true, it’s made up of dreams, beliefs, that beautiful experience most people get that is called LOVE…

It reminds me of being that little girl at Christmas and my expectations where so pure and that big huge SMILE of thank you.. that I feel loved..

That feeling of Love and Love looking back by just a smile, glance and that most precious feeling of a warm and loving hug.. knowing you are the only thing in the world that matters…

That it me is a dream that one day I had hope would happen to me..

 

Time…….. the beat is like a heart, beating harder, louder, deeper, purer, it has no end and randomly beats when it sees the eyes of the one that it loves and that loves it…

Pure love is my hidden passion where it’s full of smiles, ease, peace, harmony, endless talks about living, loving, seeing, travelling with the earth, growing and forever being real….

Listen to the beat of the song below…. simply beautiful… these words everything I write going forward is how I will write……how I feel….. how I love and most of all how I see things through my own eyes……………… I am me being me there is no reason, why’s, who’s and when’s that is just now………………………………………………………………. x

 

 

 

Beautifully said…….. I want to live gorgeous video of seduction, sexual thirst, hunger, desire and passion………

wicked hot nights sweting, dripping, with panted breaths, longing to hear, feel undressed, skin on skin….

naked and desired….

Now that is how you fuck……

 

Time for me to be me again….. I cannot just be… I require more…that this… don’t you agree…

Play together.. so you can Stay together…


 

Life is amazing and scary and many, many things the most terrifying moments for me is to be present… Why?

Because of never being able to have the present real.. expectations are never true, the expectations of surprise and happiness taken away within an instance and feeling forever feeling never, ever enough for anyone!

This song I will do anything normally not to listen to it because frankly it means I have to listen and be present and never, ever, ever, be belated… why?

Because it is never, ever, true, it’s made up of dreams, beliefs, that beautiful experience most people get that is called LOVE…

It reminds me of being that little girl at Christmas and my expectations where so pure and that big huge SMILE of thank you.. that I feel loved..

That feeling of Love and Love looking back by just a smile, glance and that most precious feeling of a warm and loving hug.. knowing you are the only thing in the world that matters…

That it me is a dream that one day I had hope would happen to me..

 

Time…….. the beat is like a heart, beating harder, louder, deeper, purer, it has no end and randomly beats when it sees the eyes of the one that it loves and that loves it…

Pure love is my hidden passion where it’s full of smiles, ease, peace, harmony, endless talks about living, loving, seeing, travelling with the earth, growing and forever being real….

Listen to the beat of the song below…. simply beautiful… these words everything I write going forward is how I will write……how I feel….. how I love and most of all how I see things through my own eyes……………… I am me being me there is no reason, why’s, who’s and when’s that is just now………………………………………………………………. x

 

 

 

Beautifully said…….. I want to live gorgeous video of seduction, sexual thirst, hunger, desire and passion………

wicked hot nights sweting, dripping, with panted breaths, longing to hear, feel undressed, skin on skin….

naked and desired….

Now that is how you fuck……

 

Time for me to be me again….. I cannot just be… I require more…that this… don’t you agree…

An old friend has visited me again!


 

The Sound of Silence what that means to me… is this

Nothing in the world is more isolating that lonliness within your soul which I have known this feeling and it seems to love to creep up on me when I least expect it too.

The tears that I have wept so many times in my past that would make yourself want to cry it’s a feeling that most of those who have lost so much and never seem to have enough air to breath in themselves.

It’s when you just want to let go of yourself and jump off something very high and savour that feeling of freedom as you drop to your death.

It’s when you revisit places that you never thought you would go back too and that to me was the last thing I ever wanted to do again..

You see my past is where I would like it to stay and to go back was the last thing I wanted to do.. but, for some reason to grow you have to?

I don’t get it…

When I say my friend has come to visit me again .. that isnt a good thing.. that is the end of a good thing for me…

Remember sometimes we cannot fix everyone… I said that to a friend once I wish he listened to me… I wish I listened to me…

Life is about living not about going backwards and visiting the devil that made you cry we live in such a materialistic world of proving the whys, the hows, the what ifs, and still we want more from each other…

Just be you, that is all you can be… you see, why would you want others to go through what some of us went through?

For me it was like meeting the devil and him holding me down and never letting me go… so, let me go, why do you not believe those precious things I told you.. why didn’t you love me the way I loved you…

That is what this song means to me……

If I could erase you all from my mind I would … Eternal Sunchine of the Spotless Mind…

 

And if you have watched this movie you will know that even if I had my memory erased there are some I could never erase from my heart… 

 

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