Tag Archive for ‘help’

“A CANDII-DO”, You can reclaim ,Your Sex Life After Surviving Sexual Assault…


Hey Candii here, HERE is a little of my story and what I did to heal….

True Story I am 50 years old and to be honest I have my good days and my shit days.. but, in most my days are better than they have been in a very long time…

A very long time ago (before I met my husband) this as taken me a long time to be “out” about this as it took me a very long time to understand what Once I thought I had dealt with I really didn’t at all.

I too am a survivor of rape, sexual assault and I have to say yes, sex, love, trust, happiness, strength about yourself more importantly and those that you wish to exchange your trust with or just your husband or partner this is up to you..

I must explain further about your sexual understanding and how to overcome some ASSHOLE that took something from you all because he may have slipped a mickey in your food, drink or cracked it up while swirling it around in your Esspresso Martini???!?!?!

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These seven tips may not be for everyone, but they’re methods that I found to be indispensable in helping to make sex a fun, positive experience again.

Take as Much “Time to Heal” as you want

Prior to my attacks, I prided myself on being sex positive and adventurous a little odd, crazy, some would say stupid I grant you this however, why on earth would I give some fool that much intent of taking away my life?

Well, some did take away my life for a very long time indeed but, is it right?

 

Should they take away your beautiful nature?

Why on earth would we allow anyone to rip our hearts out and shit all over it … all because they or him or them are too smaller man to ever allow themselves a place in your heart, soul and dont think for one moment I don’t get it… I do…

So, In fact you do (when your ready) NEED to tell someone police if you wish, a therapist, doctor, a close dear friend becaue your life does matter.. and what they did or he did whoever it was NEVER allow anyone to destroy your inner spirit.

It took me a very long time to be present I was so used to sweeping my bad memories under the carpet like it was nothing but, just another day that made me feel like it was my fault..

That feeling “my fault” wow, sad hey!

Jesus, how many times I heard myself say that to me was countless, it was like me saying to god, are you punishing me, again?

So, I would think to myself alone mostly I would say, “there must be something I have to learn about me”?

Shite …. I had many moments (let’s call them that) that I said that about saying to god over and over, of course god had nothing to do with my feeling of despair about myself I was more harder on me than any person on this planet could be…

So, I guess what I am trying to say “YOUR NOT ALONE, Ladies, Men and yes, men too…”

 

How to heal your own body after sexual abuse

Everyone heals differently, I found that healing was removing it from my brain however, because I did this I never seemed to understand or see “dangers” it was a given that it would occur again and again until I was present to understanding or at least recognising moments of terror or anxiety or even those horrid moments of “Triggered them”.

Healing was in fact understanding how to recogise events that did not suit my needs and gave me alarm bells of being more present within myself, my surroundings and those I hung out with.. this took me years upon years to even notice them!

Being fun, crazy, bubbly isnt about being any of those great emotions it’s about opening your eyes to surroundings, behaviours, language and everything that you should do but, a didnt this means your alert, it means you are not being present within your ownself and you are putting your needs above all others.

And this is called growth, understanding, awareness, and finally self worth of you, so please understand you cannot heal until your worth is more important to you than any person on this planet…

Without you being worthy then you will not heal and you will repeat all those terrible things because frankly your self worth, of you isnt your priority and you MUST be present by loving yourself first..

Don’t Be Afraid to be sexual…. it is your right!!!

While many people might find solace in entering a trusting, monogamous relationship with a person who can help them explore their sexuality in a safe and patient environment, others can find that to be too big of a step to take at this stage. Making yourself open to consensual sexual experiences and being in complete control of them can be liberating as a coping method. It can also help to restore your faith and trust in sexual contact and relationships.

However, this is allowing your thoughts be free and then your trust in yourself on what you want to do either as a single girl, partnered, or experimental all these things are your life right to be a female.

Now be safe when picking a potential partner, fuck buddy, gal play mate, male play mate all the above whichever floats your boat…

Use a trusted friend that has your back or a system for yourself and even if you do meet someone make sure your with a mate that has your back or at least do it during the day in public and of course always have a back up plan if it ever goes sour…

Be Vocal About What You want, desire

Whether you’re having sex with a long term partner, a buddy, or a fun fling, you should never be afraid to speak up about what you’re enjoying and what you’re not. Take control over your body, your pleasure, and the moment by telling your lover what to do and where to do it. Tell them to stop if something feels wrong. Being demanding and domineering during sex can be insanely sexy for the person you’re doing it with. Most importantly, it gives you the chance to direct the experience in a way that’s healthy, positive and pleasurable.

DO NOT –  Apologize  (still working on this one)

The process of recovering from a sexually traumatic experience can be longer than we expect. Although we may think that we’re completely over it, sometimes the smallest thing can trigger a response that can restrict our enjoyment or desire for sex.

Personally, I’ve had entire months where I’ve not been comfortable enough to want sex, which must be tough on my long-term partner who has been nothing but patient and supportive for over 20 years that we’ve been a monogamous couple.

Our relationship from the beginning I must admit was head scratching however, kinky as it might sound (which is another post one day) there where times now looking back I must admit I should have thought twice..(get it twice – oh, never mind)

The outcome for me was me sobbing in the shower crying thinking I was a bad person and deserved the way I was being treated.. however, it wasnt bad to me I liked it I may not have understood alot about myself but, I would never had stayed if I didnt.

I am a very open honest and a little bit odd female what I like others wont.. so I can only be true to me.. and that is exactly what I love about myself..

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Remember ladies, gents… we all have the freedom and the power to say no.

If they care about you then they’ll respect and understand the nuances of the word without requiring your desire for absolution from it.

Negotiate Pleasure

This is especially important for those in a monogamous, long-term relationship with someone.

Negotiate, talk with each other, even do a contract like “50 Shades” if you wish together a list of fun, naughty, what you would do and wouldnt do and always remember to have loads of fun…..

 

Make sure you heal, be present and always, always put yourself first….this can open the doors to exploring their comfort zones and to enjoying the provision of pleasure for someone else without immediate gratification for yourself.

Be generous.

Be creative.

Be open honest and love yourself ladies, men, young women…. LOVE YOURSELF first…

Follow your instincts and you’ll be one step closer to understanding and achieving your own comfortable pleasure on a regular basis. 

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What is killing our FAMILY…. today?


A HIGHLY ADDICTIVE FORM OF…

“METH’

THAT IS TYPICALLY SMOKED

I cannot tell you how addictive this drug is and how much this drug is so available everywhere and everyone is on it… so please watch these videos especially the last one is at least an hour so when you get the time please watch it..

Here are some examples of people who have been affected.

 

Here is a few video’s that you should see.. what this shit drug can do to someone.. it is sole destroying and makes you feel like all those times someone has hurt you comes back like they are so present and those you love are the ones that have done this to you…

Here is an example of what it looks like

 

I want you to watch what this drug can really do to someones life and those around you.. it is an evil, sole destroying drug that will kill everything and anything you adore, you love those that care about you and much, much more…

How do I know?

Good question – All I will say to this answer is this.. A family member protected his home to an intruder and was stabbed twice in the stomach all because of a motor bike that would give this person a hit of ICE…. METH…..

Lucky, our family member is alive but, what happens next time..???

 I have seen it myself, AND….. I will tell you this drug is a serious and dangerous drug that will destroy you, your family and those that you hold dear to you.

Please, Please, DO NOT TAKE IT!!!!

  • its soul-destroying, it will play on every sad, negative thought in your brain or even worse it will eat at you like a terminal cancer and will make you believe that those close to you are the devil..

This drug is a drug that should never have been made but, unfortunately, it has been made and will not go away.. if you think using it that “YOU”, will not be affected, well, think again… my friends this will happen to you.

 

It is the most evilist drug created in a back shed of someones house and it is killing those that are around you….. just recently a few streets down from my house a few weeks ago a whole family was killed by the husband…. his 3 children, his wife and her mother all killed by the husband because of this drug…

It is everywhere…

Here are some links that will show you just how much others are being affected by this drug..

Here are some links that you should watch and read when you have time…

Here is another video – this is a very interesting one in a social environment where it looks harmless and you circum to it that easy… have a look and tell me if you have done this yourself?

People use drugs for a variety of reasons. Some of these include:

  • Out of curiosity
  • To do something exciting or fun
  • To fit in or socialize
  • To escape and forget problems
  • To relax
  • To gain confidence
  • To lessen inhibitions
  • To remove personal responsibility for decisions
  • To celebrate or commiserate
  • To relieve boredom and stress

 Friends, parents, older brothers and sisters and the media can also influence a young person’s decision to use drugs.

Some experts are saying it is the most addictive drug… some users say they were addicted by the first time they put their lips onto the pipe…

The below video is based in America it is 57 minutes of valuable …. information and if you listen close enough those people you see on this video are educated people who fell victim to this drug and they tell their story… it is harsh, you have listen very carefully and you have to understand that anyone and everyone will be affected by this type of drug.. so when you have time.. please watch it..

Please watch this video…. when you have time..

 

GET HELP IS AVAILABLE BELOW:

Getting Help

It’s not always easy to recognise that you need help with your alcohol or drug use. If you are concerned about your own, or another person’s alcohol or drug use, you can contact the Alcohol and Drug Support Line 24/7 on (08) 9442 5000 or 1800 198 024 (country callers) or email alcoholdrugsupport@mhc.wa.gov.au.

For emergencies call 000

How to get help

There are many ways you can get support about drug related issues. Our support lines are serviced by counsellors 24/7, with dedicated lines for meth, alcohol and drugs and for parents and families.

Do I need help?

It’s not always easy to recognise that you need help with your drug use. We’ve compiled a list of questions that can help you work out if you, or a friend needs help with drug related issues.

Helping others

Having a close relationship with someone who is using drugs can be difficult and emotionally draining. Their use can cause them to behave erratically, and it can be difficult to know how to act around them. We can help you understand the problem, how to help and how to cope with aggressive behaviour.

https://drugaware.com.au/getting-help/

Sharing and Caring – by Franny…


Hello Cindii here,

I have amended this to include a very private bit of one story that occurred to me.. so you have an idea what happens.. so please read.. comments would be lovely if you wish… if you don’t all good.. this is all about understanding…and sharing a story of hope….

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I wanted to share with you a few truths about my journey to date, I have experienced many chapters that often can be beautiful, make you smile, love, desire, trust, cherish, those words that you don’t often see in posts.

We are more likely to see words like, I had a terrible day because, I didn’t get out of bed because, I feel sad, I can’t stop feeling like I am a bad person, Why am I worthless, What did I do to you, How come I feel so ashamed, I want to kill myself!

Now those above are definately HUGE…… WARNING SIGNS, and to be perfectly honest, I have used everyone of them and more, only to me and only in my head I use them unless I am speaking to someone I trust enough to tell them too. (it took me years and years to understand why I felt so low for so long)

So, how to stop your little “minions” in your head?!?

Well, you have to forse yourself to say things nice about YOU… easy? is it?

It is yes 🙂

Well, the first step is reading my post, so thank you if you are suffering any of those emotional words and I want to say something to you, “You will be okay, if you allow yourself “this”, take those steps to help “YOU”, because I felt all of those words and more my dear reader and it hurt my soul, deeply, I felt like I was worth nothing, and it was distroying everything I was, and wanted to live for and that isn’t fair to live a life having those emotional words in your head, right!

So, I guess my journey perhaps a little off center you could say how I ended up getting help – long story personal story.. perhaps for a book that may come out later when all are dead… (that was a joke)

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Life is about learning, And, yes look above, “Don’t be so hard on yourself”, we all do it, we all think that we are not good enough, so I am here to tell you, Boulderdash, and Bees wax, you SO, ARE!!!!

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This picture is me a little enhanced at Easter however, still it is me, smiling, happy, I don’t look at all sad now do I?

WRONG!!!

Well, I was, I was so down, and battelling with me it was taking my life away within an instant, “my flashbacks where so bad, that I thought that I was dying, I recall, pleading over the telephone, to my husband, saying I had been raped too many times I don’t and still wont put that number down here”!!!

My heart sank, I was in such shock my entire body was trembling under me, I was home alone, and I felt empty, humiliated, I felt that my life was over, and there was nothing within that moment of time that you could say, do or even give me to make me feel better once I acknowedged that horrid number!!

I cried my eyes out, and then shock hit me.. I went white, my body was trembling, swet was dripping off me like a tap and my breath was just about “done”!

I wanted out!!!!

I wanted to die, I wanted nothing else but, to end my life because I felt like I was worthless!!

I had enough energy to get up I walked into my spare room and I forsed myself to do my timeline to see exactly that number…. and I was right!

Then suddenly it hit me, I felt better, I have no idea what it was, I think it was finding out that 1 person had hurt me multiple times and for some stupid reason I was relieved to read that… well, at least I felt morbidly better..

Seriously, how does that sound? 

I felt better because 1 person raped me multiple times?? WTF???

So, now what?  Well, as we all do we live, and that is exactly what I wanted to do, I wanted to live happier, love those that I care about, and live a life that I really feel passionate about because my life looking back was shit!!

And, frankly, I don’t care how other perseve me, I really could give a hoot about anyones rude behaviour because I am me, and I am strong enough, to get through all that has been done to me.

Why because I am worth it!!

And so are you!!!

So here is my suggestions to living a life worth living and loving yourself because you deserve to live it !!!!

“Never ever, allow another to take something off you without your approval, without your, acknowledgement, without your concent”

So, here I am after 3 years or take a few months if you wish, happier, getting healthier, and definately doing what I want to do and that is helping others that have suffered the same as I have suffered.

I also want to help couples, love better, kinder, sexier, hotter, push themselves to a point of understanding why they are attracted to one another… or push our own boundaries because we are worth every moment from the day we are born…

My motto is ………….. for gods sakes life is too short lick the bloody spoon, will you!!

Look for your warning signs like I did….. below I had more than those, let me give you the hot tip!!!

I used this term, “Ground hog day”, The never-ending Story and I use, “The Trueman Show”, those titles are about reflecting on a part of your life that hurt your soul and it was brushed under the carpet so no one knew it was that messy.

The only solution for erasing or at least diminishing those titles is about learning and listening and understanding a new yet odd language of life, this takes devotions, a wanting to let it go, a strength within yourself to understand neglect, harm, trauma, all those words and more I wanted to set yourself FREE.

Okay, how do you do that?

Well, it takes time, it takes patience, it takes trust, respect yourself and those around you to help you evolved into the beautiful human you can be..

Firstly, you need to find someone who has the background that can help you move forward, then you need to trust that you’re not going to be harmed by the person you chose to help you.

What do you look for in a counselor or therapist or even a trust friend, partner or family member:

However, I would recommend the first two suggestions Counsellor or therapist mainly because they will give you the tools to help you going forward.

Here are some suggestions that I would say to you to do:

Make sure your ready to do this each persons experience can and will affect you and you have to make sure that you understand this before you even go down this path.

If your trauma is sexual, abusive, harmful experience that you went through you must seek a professional as they will help you cope with using tools that will help you cope with these epoxides.

First steps:

  • So make sure you feel ready for this new journey of letting go of your past!
  • Make sure you have plenty of rest, you eat well and are exercising or at least physically fine before you do any sessions with anyone.
  • No DRUGS!!!!!!
  • No alcohol on an ongoing basis this will distort your thoughts and run you down
  • Remember it isn’t your fault and you must understand what may have occurred will not harm you going forward by talking about it with a professional.
  • Drink Water it will hydrate you 

These first steps are set because I understand on all the above as I myself have suffered from drinking too much, having drugs to numb me and health and hygiene is a MUST, with depression and sadness, any trauma, you will become a sloth!! Sorry, you WILL time will not heal you with isolation, depression, anxiety, sadness, it will kill you.. so please understand I am trying to give you sound advice…

How did I feel about me: “I hated me, I hated them, I hated everything about ME, and then some!!

Second Steps:

After you have managed to set yourself free of those nastier, you then decide who should I use as good counsellors..theraphist or even a psychologist,  I will help you with some by adding them to the bottom of this post.

Okay, so your ready to find a good counsellor or therapist!!

  • Find a therapist that has the tools with your trauma, sadness, depression or anxiety that you’re experiencing
  • Ask questions…. it is your right to ask them to your chosen person that you will be telling your trauma too!!
  • Understand your rights… they have a duty of care to report anyone they feel will harm you or perhaps you will harm another.. this is just the set rules of any type of professional and they should inform you on the first session.
  • Remember they are not your BEST friend, they are a sounding board for you to talk to, cry to, understand yourself and help you move forward in your journey of life!

So, if you wanted to invite them to a BBQ, they will decline as they are only there to help you find those tools in moving forward to a better life.

Now remember it is all up to you… you will experience episodes of joy, happiness, and most of all if it was trauma or abuse, you could possibly in fact WILL have flashbacks of that time in your life … relax, it will get better…

Trust your journey Like I have it is about understanding yourself and allowing you to live a better happier and for for filling life going forward.

Now, just so you know, we are only human, we do cry, we get angry we will yell, scream, get confused and have times of sorrow.

However, with the right help you will discover that life can and will be better if you allow yourself to be Open and most of all keep your pride and ego at the door when you enter because that my friends, is everyone’s Achilles!!

The time it took me is over 3 years this all depends on your personal experiences in your life.. so understand it isnt a quick fix.. however, it is a life better lived if you are brave enough to allow yourself to do this..

My suggestion is do it!! For YOU!!

Counselling Support is below:

Mens Health Help contacts:

Child Help for parents:

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