Tag Archive for ‘kids’

Tell your kids about the Birds and the Bee’s … if not watch the movie I added..


Hey, Candii here,

Oh, I do love to chat about this subject when it comes to young youths boys and girls who are striving or starving for answers about “Life”!

The Talk, I chattered to a Blogger friend about this and I agree, we both didn’t really get much from “the Talk”, my mother told me sex is only for babies!!

The rest as a curious young little girl as I was I found out about SEX harder, slower, jackrabbit, Vasso, was the lube of the 80’s and might I add “Never use Vasso” it is nasty, harsh and could cause multiple problems in the nether regions for ladies I mean!!

My advice to younger mums, dads, grandparents, you MUST be honest, yes tell them about where babies come from, but please and I say this with all due respect to mums and dads that not telling them isn’t the answer!!!

Here are some very important tips to what I am trying to tell you both if your child girl or little boy is of a curious mind meaning they are always doing things you tell them not too, this means they are curious and if you say NO to them they will hunt it down and find out why!!

I did and I will always because I love that word NO, I respond either in my warped mind “why”, I see, hmmm, ok, right, no is no, hmm mm, you see what I mean..

So how do you say sex to your children, well you tell them the truth, you tell them about your story or a story that you know is really how they are required to kiss each other, get naked, show each other their naked bits, (in other words if they are really young this should gross them out)  If they are older well, sorry its hardcore chat to your kids parents!!

Here is a true story about Perth (WA’s Chief of Police) his child a boy well he was a meth addict and his father well, he is the man who has shut down our pubs in Perth they call it “lock up rights” you must be either inside a pub by the time the clock strikes 12 then you are either locked in or your locked out !!

Personally, I think he has a few screws loose, in the top paddock and now looks at Perth’s nightlife, places are shutting down, no ones going out anymore and to perfectly honest it’s hell out on the town on a Friday or Saturday night!!

This man should have been a little bit more lenient towards his child and allowed his child the respect he should have given him and that was lenient towards him never tell a child No, tell them the why’s, the how’s the experiences of what could occur and how important it is to find a like-minded person to do these things with at a better age of understanding.

The Talk for girls and boys should always be honest talks and make it fun, tell them funny stories that they understand, not serious, hideous, hardcore stories that will shock them into therapy … Come on people, treat your children with a little respect because let me give you the hot tip, denying you as having past yourselves well your just being pig headed and foolish!!

So, man up, women up and tell them a real story about you two .. it might surprise you how they react!!

They are your children and you should know how they are wired so chillax it isn’t the ass end of life it is the beginning of many family funnies, and they will come back to you and remember that story because you gave them something better.

The Truth!!

Our kids are very clever, they have mobiles phones, I pads, they have seen sex on the internet by either friend or another way plus they hear everything you say to each other because they are mini you both!!

We adore our children so please don’t be a pratt and tell them stupid book stories, or sex is for babies only so don’t even think about it… my god, that is the worst story EVER!!!

And if you don’t do the talk with your girls.. they will meet this guy..watch this movie..OMG!!!

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Have you ever heard Someone Say:


 

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I am okay, I have Dealt with:

 

  • my husband or boyfriend beating me up ?

  • I have dealt with a child never returning home?

  •  I have dealt with my daughter suicide?

  • I have dealt with being raped?

  • I have dealt with an uncle molesting you?

  • I have dealt with loosing a my unborn child?

  • I have dealt with my son, brother, sister, child dying in a car accident?

  • I have dealt with my child being murdered?

Have you ever heard that old saying…

Everything in life comes with a lesson or a blessing?

Well, let me tell you that I know exactly what it is like…. I have had a few unfortunate traumatic experiences occur and if I could turn back time .. holy shit I am so amazed I am still living on this planet!!!!

10 fun facts

Let me first talk about 1968 as a child 

For me mine started very young, I was extremely emotional kid, felt everything, loved being a little girl, smiling, happy, painful to my parents, mostly my mum, just a normal little girl.

However, I seemed to be more emotional than most and that was for many reasons, I used to always be in trouble just like any other child, I guess, however, I seemed to always end up at the bike rakes stopping some idiot fool think they where going to help my brother get better (he had a slight disability – I like to say it that way because as a child he was just my big brother)

So, for years and years, a lot of kids thought because frankly they had no idea that having a disability meant it was permanent (stupid fools) and they thought it was an easy fix thinking it was easy to beat my brother up so it would shock him out of whatever these kids thought he had…

Seriously, I wondered if I was in the twightlight zone, or their parents never spoke about things like that.. which I do recall they didn’t ever!!

Anyway, I guess everything has to start somewhere in your life however, that wasnt it for me, that was just life.. and that seemed to never phase me it was just normal for me.

Without going to into my life as a child  – I have to say at times I did struggle, I struggled because I felt to blame in a lot of things that happened to me as a child and I was punished for them… mostly warranted.. some perhaps could have been dealt with a bit fairer..

So, I grew up with old fashion values, lying was never tolerated, so you would be punished, fighting with your brother well, that was a daily effort of normal I guess, so again, punished (lol).

However, on a serious note other things that used to occur like Teachers asking for you to come out of the class so they can touch your hair, (weird) and if you told your parents we when told that we must not tell fibs and to hold your tongue.

Other things occurred, disturbing things, that other children would do, like sitting on your head while a siblings pants was pulled down by other sisters down the street many things occurred or I saw, was done to me and again nothing ever was really believed.

So, as children you begin to say nothing to anyone and you walk away because no one will believe you and those times become harder because you cannot cope.. so you cry a lot or you seem to be labelled a sook.

Kids, will be kids, but, I have to say, 1968 kids, had it tough some of us I must admit..  I remember girls my age never allowed to go outside and play.. by their parents… after school..  many actually!

Those days was tough, I felt a lot of pain and fear going to school and coming home I guess, but, I put that down to growing up and healing pretty quickly because it never stuck long and we as children pretty much grew the hell up pretty quickly..

I guess, we never acknowledged things and we never spoke about things because frankly it was never heard of… so we shut the hell up!! and went on with our lives..

I guess what I am trying to say or at least paint for you .. it all depends on the severity of what you went through, saw or even was witness too and how your parents taught you.

It was a lot of fun, happy times, miserable times, more happy times, we dealt the best we could but, we never gave up .. most of us never, ever gave up… that is want I did notice as kids at school, after school and we played outside everyday.. so perhaps maybe that was the key of survival..  in those days..

Of course I am missing out of a lot of things that I have not said, but, this isn’t my point that I am trying to explain to you… that will come after I do my next post…

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So, I really would love to hear from those who are brave enough to discuss their childhood you can do it briefly like I did or in details..

  • So, What was your childhood like?

  • Was it like (children are seen and not heard?) 

  • And what differences did you find from what I explained above?

 

 

 

 

Fran’s thought for today.. Embrace your Life… and Live it…. xxx


Imagine a life that you are so loved and appreciated for who you are it would be perfect right!

Alot of us including me have said alot on here but, I am going to share some fact about what I am about, I love people, love them to bits, I cannot and will not ever understand why people want to be something they are not!

We start our journey when we are born and sometimes it’s bumpy, horrid, happy, amazing, funny, and sometimes there are alot of our past that means so much with amazing memories.

 

However, I seem to see us all dwell on those times that have given us grief but, we seem to forget those other times that makes us “smile, laugh, giggle, roll around on the ground with fits of laughter”, those precious moments with your family, friends, those moments that where amazing, rediculous and darn right shocking!

I believe this, sometimes we see beauty, love, great amazing moments with loved ones but, those times when we feel so damn sad it breaks our hearts, and stops you in your tracks with dispair.

I should know I felt every, bit of them these last few months however, that noise that once was so loud, horrible that made me want to crawl into fetal position on the ground seem like a dim memory thank god!

As time goes on for me I believe that this feeling I used to feel will pass and hopefully with beautiful thoughts of walking forward will be the best times, well that is what I am hoping for.. and why the Hell not!

I wish I could fix everyone and hopefully with time and understanding maybe those few that I come across I will do my best to help them of course we cannot fix the world even though I once thought in my tiny “big ideas franny” head.

I am just a very simple chick with an open heart that cares alot about people and I share things not to shock you more to open your eyes to possibilities that you may never have thought possible or even thought before about.

It’s not that I want you all to go out there and do all those things I write about its more about awareness of what is out there, what could be something possible without those darn labels, rude remarks and slandours comments some people use when they don’t understand something or are afraid to even possibly think is possible.

We all have a right to live our lives the way we want to.. if that means that I like hanging naked upside down with a pink bikini then I will and if I want to share with you pictures I will…

Laughing, which I don’t and probably more likely wont, but, you get what I am saying I hope..hehe, just live your short beautiful life and a happy, smiling, loving and open mind.

Our minds and our hearts are the breath in our souls..

Remember that… our hearts beat, and our souls live forever….

Enjoy every moment… because before you know it .. it will be gone..

 

Good Will Hunting.. the Famous Robin Williams.. did this role beautifully!


Like I said, this tells a tail of alot of us and per say some of us, in all if we where subjected to abuse, trauma, etc, and recovered (when I say recovered i say this tongue in cheek) I will also say, with anything in life a CHILD who does survive such hideous, depending on this scale will and no doubt have a distorted outcome on their adult life.

This will vary in each of us and that level of abuse a child is subjected to.. we must understand sometimes, we unaware of our biggest Friend or Foe, the SUBCONSCIOUS MIND, this area of how we adapt is questionable!

Which means depending on what the abuse is.. if it is sexual then who can tell until the are older how they look at life sexually!!

For me well, As that famous commercial that sold alot of chicken.

“I like it like that”, Finger licking good!” ha!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/compassion-matters/201805/it-s-not-your-fault-overcoming-trauma#=_

I do agree with the above and here is the link that states it very well.. have a read

There is a famous scene in the film Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams, playing a therapist, compassionately repeats the line “It’s not your fault” to Will, a troubled young man with self-destructive tendencies, who happens to be a genius.

The line is a response to the revelation of abuse Will endured as a child.

At first, Will is dismissive of the statement, but as his therapist steadily repeats “It’s not your fault,” he becomes increasingly agitated.

Finally, he erupts into emotion, tearfully allowing the meaning of the words to sink in. This scene is a powerful signification of what trauma can do to a human being.

It is also a testament to the importance of anyone who has experienced trauma embracing the irrefutable reality that it is not their fault.

The character Will may have been a victim of what’s often referred to as “big T trauma,” which can include serious abuse or a life-threatening event.

However, a person does not have to have experienced an explicitly existential event to experience trauma. “Little t trauma” comprises events that may not sound as dramatic as that of war, devastation, or extreme violence, but that significantly impact individuals by causing them distress, fear, or pain and, therefore, change the way they see themselves, other people, and the world around them.

Too often, people seek excuses to dismiss, bury, or overlook both big and little t trauma. They may tell themselves “it was not that bad,” “others had it worse,” or “remembering won’t do any good anyway.” Or they even say things like, “I deserved it,” “I was a bad/difficult kid,” “or “yes, it was hard at the time, but it made me the strong independent person I am today.”

sneeky peeky – As the Beautiful PINK says it so well, Beautiful Trauma,

They’re resistant to facing what they endured and what it’s done to them.

Whether we try to bury or ignore it or not, the impact of a person’s trauma remains. The American Psychological Association wrote that “traumaticevents challenge an individual’s view of the world as a just, safe and predictable place.”

Back to my thoughts see my link about my own life… https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/29/can-you-identify-who-is-more-driven-to-suicide/https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/29/can-you-identify-who-is-more-driven-to-suicide/

This shake-up to a person’s very worldview changes the course of their life.

“The effects of unresolved trauma can be devastating,” wrote Dr. Peter Levine, author of Healing Trauma.

Like I said, in my previous link on this page….. https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/05/29/can-you-identify-who-is-more-driven-to-suicide/

“It can affect our habits and outlook on life, leading to addictions and poor decision-making.

It can take a toll on our family life and interpersonal relationships. It can trigger real physical pain, symptoms, and disease. And it can lead to a range of self-destructive behaviors.”

The emotional or physical abuse and the pain people have experienced early in life bends them out of shape in many ways, most of which the person is unaware. The mistreatment of an individual within a family is something my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone(link is external), has described as a “human rights violation(link is external).” He’s written extensively about the toll interpersonal pain and traumatic childhood conditions can have on a person’s freedom and expression of individuality, including that they lead to the formation of powerful psychological defenses(link is external).

“No child is born bad or sinful; rather, the psychological defenses that children form early in life are appropriate to actual situations that threaten the emerging self,” wrote(link is external) Firestone.

“These defenses attempt to cope with and minimize painful experiences and emotions suffered in one’s developmental years; however, as noted, the defensive adaptation tends to become increasingly dysfunctional.”

People who have experienced trauma may form these defensive adaptations to protect themselves early in life, but these very adaptations can go on to limit them when danger is no longer present.

Young children who’ve experienced trauma tend to internalize much of their pain, blaming themselves for their suffering and struggling with feelings of guilt and shame.

This is especially true of trauma experienced at the hands of parents and trusted family members, as young children often find it too threatening to see the faults of their parents fully.

When a child is born, trusting their parents is a matter of survival, and seeing their parent as neglectful, uncaring, or even abusive can feel like a threat to that survival.

As a result, the child forms defenses to cope with painful circumstances, and they internalize their suffering, seeing it as a reflection of some deficiency in their own personality.

They distort their image of themselves to make sense of their maltreatment and believe themselves deserving of the pain they endure. It never fails to surprise me when children as young as 5-years-old reveal their “critical inner voice(link is external)s,” harsh, self-hating attacks that they think about themselves.

Where did these ideas come from and how do they influence the child’s formation of their self?

My Captain, My Captain

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