Tag Archive for ‘trust’

An Evolved Consciousness Getting in the Way of Your Sex Life?


Nope, However, I will tell you what is!

Two very handsome  Individuals that are simply in my imagination…. oh we do dream… oh, well

However, that tale is for another

time….. SPANKING,

why it is so good!

1. People who enjoy being spanked, up until recently, would have been classified as mentally ill.

But first, some history. Up until the 1980s, S&M (sadomasochism) was classified as an actual mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association. Which is pretty disconcerting considering studies have found that 36 percent of American adults admitted to using bondage tools during sex.

2. Spanking can be a catalyst for pleasure and excitement.

When we’re enjoying a certain sex act, whatever that sex act may be, our brains are flooded with feel-good chemicals, most notably the neurotransmitter dopamine. How pain plays into this game is pretty rad. According to an article from the journal Nature Reviews Neuroscience, there are far more similarities between how our brains process pleasure and pain than we ever knew before.

“Spanking can enhance excitement and physical sensations; increase adrenalin, endorphins, and oxytocin; explore and maybe push the line between pleasure and pain; increase intimacy and bonding,” explains Dulcinea Pitagora, a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and founder of the series, KinkDoctor.

3. This excitement likely stems from a sense of the taboo.

Dr. Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist and author of Single But Dating, says that we are inherently excited by anything that seems naughty and different. “It’s not rocket science when we consider this is how we also get enjoyment out of life. We like to push the boundaries and especially when sexual boredom could be at play, any sexual act that is even a bit different excites us.”

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4. Control plays a big role in the sexual release of spanking.

The sadomasochistic practice of sexual spanking is about more than just the brain converting feelings of physical pain into a rush of delightful dopamine. There’s also the psychological release of power. According to Psychology Today, “The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other, deciding what that person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell, and feel.”

“It feels good to be totally in control, and sometimes it’s nice to be totally submissive. The power play is a way to break free from the roles we’re trapped in during our everyday lives, and it can be a powerful release,” says Sandra LaMorgese, Ph.D.

5. There are many therapeutic benefits to spanking.

A submissive finds therapy, stress-relief, and a sense of calm through the relinquishment of their power. Giving someone total control over you transfers your worries and psychological burdens onto the other person. “Still others describe the stress release as an escape from self-awareness and compulsive thinking and processing of emotions,” says Pitagora.

She adds that practitioners of spanking describe it as an opportunity to enter into a consensual, time-bound interaction with someone they trust and feel close to, where they are free to let go and stop thinking about other things for a bit. “When body chemistry changes in a rush of pleasure and adrenaline, and then come back down to baseline and levels out, that trajectory can result in a very calm and zen-like feeling.”

6. Some use BDSM and spanking to deal with trauma.

There are conflicting thoughts among experts and researchers on whether or not spanking can be used as a true form of therapy, but it *can* be a coping mechanism for those dealing with trauma. Sure, it’s a surreal concept for those who have never flirted with BDSM before, but La Morgese says it’s more common than you might think. “Just Google ‘spanking therapy’—it’s all focused on positivity, healing, and working through issues in a safe, supportive space. Think of it as a form of massage.”

It’s about remembering how intertwined our physical and mental sensations are, too. Forget yoga: “For some, spanking is a way to let go, relax, and surrender to physical sensation so they can have a clearer and calmer mind.”

7. People within the kink community seek each other out for comfort and healing.

The kink community can be a place to grow and learn about yourself. It isn’t all scary dungeons and the stuff of nightmares, but a faction of like-minded individuals exploring sexuality. So long as people’s rules, boundaries, and consent are being respected, says Dr. Goldstein, “It’s a world where people’s emotions and well-being is paramount.”

She uses aftercare as an example, where a dominant will nurture a submissive after a sexual act and bring them back to reality by holding them and comforting them. “There is so much care there that someone with trust issues and problems with personal boundaries could benefit from.”

What is Love?


Love is a kind of chemical reaction, so you could never tell why it happens and you could never try to stop it by your own will. Love must have existed a long time before human beings developed language.

People always want to find a definite answer about what is love, so they keep asking each other and themselves. However, there is no person who can define what love is.

Every person has his or her own understanding of love, and a single person’s understanding of love may differ by time.

Love is a general feeling of deep caring that does not change (although the form of expressing it may alter).

I do not believe that we can force ourselves to love or not to love someone. We have the capacity to love many people.

For example, you can love your children, parents, friends, and ex-spouse.

 

what is love

 

Being “in love” with someone means that you feel a deep caring, you desire them sexually, and you want to spend lots of time with them.

If you truly love them, then you may change the latter two but you will always feel the deep caring.

On the contrary, like is specific and changeable.

Have you noticed that there are things that you liked in a person before but do not any more or vice versa?

  • You can experience both loves and like simultaneously since they are different feelings.

It is important to be able to say to someone, “I love you, and I don’t like what you are doing (be specific).”

This is especially important to children so that they do not get the wrong impression when you are angry.

They need a clear message that you love them (then they can feel lovable), and you do not like their behavior (then explain why).

Also, telling your children or anyone else, “If you loved me you would ____.,” is not love. It is a way of trying to manipulate or to control them because of your fears or concerns.

 

 

I have discovered that we all want to be loved, and to love.

That is, we all desire to be deeply cared about and to care about others.

True love is unconditional.

No matter what you or another person says or does, express your love and then deal with the specific disliked behavior.

What the world needs now is lots of love which is the opposite of fear.

Accept your and others’ differences.


Take the time to love yourself and others unconditionally, spread deep caring-that is the key to loving relationships and to a loving world.

There are certain characteristics we show when we are in love.

Selfless behavior shows that you are not just thinking about yourself, but that you’re also concerned about your partners’ needs as well.

You will be concerned about your partner’s growth in life, and become more supportive and understanding, even if you feel like being critical.

You will have a desire to forgive, and realize that no one is perfect in life.

Your love grows when you are able to focus on the good things about someone.

You will see both the positive and the negative side of someone, but you will love them no matter what.

When your partner does that little thing that irritates you, it will be easier to look past it.

You will realize that it’s not worth getting angry over and causing a scene.

Love allows for anger but in a controlled manner.

Love is about being able to compromise. If emotional pain was caused you’re allowed to let your partner know when they have done wrong.

Love is about caring and showing affection and intimacy towards the other person. You will have a romantic desire towards your partner, not a lustful desire.

With a romantic desire to be intimate and affectionate towards your partner, an emotional bond will grow between the two of you. It will become stronger over time and will bring you closer together.

What Does It Feel Like To Be In Love:-

 

Love is built on mutual interest, care, trust, and respect.

You will have a desire to be committed to your partner in any type of situation, such as one where infidelity may be a temptation.

Or even when faced with negative comments from others about your partner.

Your commitment will allow you to be faithful and true to your partner, and you will be willing to stick up for them at all costs.

It is important to realize that love is about expecting to give, not expecting to get.

You don’t have to buy your partner something nice every day, but you can do nice things for them often. Something as simple as a romantic dinner at home.

Give them a message with candles lit around the room.

The desire to give will make you feel great about yourself, and most importantly make your partner feel great.

A relationship grows successfully when both partners commit to behaving in a loving manner, through continual and unconditional giving.

Not only saying “I love you” but also showing it.

We experience love as a feeling, and express it as an action.

The thing that ultimately maintains our love and happiness in life is the energy that we get from inside ourselves.

Deep inside us is a wellspring of energy that is very strong in some people but very weak in others. Without that wellspring of energy, you may find it hard to continue on in the face of many problems and challenges in your life.

You may get discouraged or hurt very easily and find that you no longer feel the same way about your loved one that you initially felt.

Your first impulses of love may fade and your happiness may begin to wane.

 

 

A lot of things can aggravate the negative feelings that we have inside ourselves and we may think that the person we love is “no longer the same” or “doesn’t care about us anymore”.

You may begin to feel that everything is hopeless and fail to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Something has gone wrong and you don’t know what it is.

The problem that has befallen you is that you never found that wellspring inside of yourself but wrongly imagined it to be coming from someone else.

You were happy for a while but you didn’t really know why.

Those feelings of love and happiness weren’t coming from the other person!

You thought they were but, actually, they were coming from inside of you!

It’s true!

They were coming from inside of you!

Once that person begins to appear commonplace and boring, the feeling you had begins to fade.

You no longer feel the great feelings of love that were actually coming from inside of you to start with.

You decided to turn them off. Instead, you covered them up again and all you felt was a sense of darkness.

Real happiness comes from a heart that is so filled with genuine love that nothing on the outside can really affect it in any lasting way.

There are rare people who have practiced many techniques and teachings and learned to overcome their fears and their negative emotions to find a wellspring of energy inside them which is the real place that love and happiness come from.

If you are feeling discouraged or in need of an answer, look inside yourself for that wellspring and learn to face your fears and your challenges each day so that, over time, you will overcome the many problems that face you each and that face each and every one of us in life.

Life is a long road with many challenges and the winners learn to lift up their heads and go on even in the hardest of times.

Love and happiness are what make this world worthwhile, so let’s keep our head up and learn to be the person in charge of our own destiny.

We are truly the ones who are in charge and we can make it an award-winning movie that everyone will pay to see!

 

Falling In Love

 

 

Two people who genuinely love each other may fall in love because of the burning desire and passion to be with each other or to live close to each other.

Finding love is a tricky sentiment.

There are some things that feel like love, but they are too much exterior to be the real thing. “Real love takes time and doesn’t take place overnight”.

Love is never logical or easy. People fall under the spell of love for many reasons.

Opposites can attract, and while it may seem unusual to the outside world, you can be completely wrapped up and oblivious.

When you find love it can make anything seem potential and possible to do.

Deep within us, there seems an emptiness that not even a hundred lovers could fill, yet there still is an expectation. Your dreams can come true.

True love is so precious and valuable that it is said, “True love is not something that comes every day, follow your heart, it knows the right answer”.

True love can take time to grow, or it can evolve in the pair’s first encounter.

When 2 hearts gather for the first time a lot of magical things can happen.

There are stories of an eye-to-eye spark, this is when you are overcome with excitement by just looking at someone across a room, and this also can evolve into true love.

There are two kinds of sparks, the one that goes off with a hitch like a match, but it burns quickly.

The other is the kind that needs time, but when the flame strikes… it’s eternal, don’t forget that.

After first sight, the two people will ultimately have to talk to each other.

If you don’t feel that certain spark it’s probably not meant to be.

Most couples who have spent a significant amount of time building their relationship with each other eventually fall in love. It’s a natural evolution of their bond.

But, it’s also an indefinable stage that is often difficult to identify. Millions have asked themselves, “Am I in love with my partner?”

  • Some are confused by what that means.
  • Others misinterpret harmful emotions (for example, jealousy and obsession) as love.

 

Understanding The True Nature Of Love:-

Often it’s easier to define love based upon what it isn’t.

A lot of people mistakenly think that certain emotions they’re feeling represent love. For example, lust is commonly thought to signify something more than it is.

Or, one partner may be so passionate about the other than physical or emotional abuse occurs in the relationship. Neither instance signifies love.

When you love somebody, the feeling transcends the physical.

You feel attached to the other person in a way that you don’t feel with others.

The level of physical and emotional commitment is greater than with anyone else.

And while love translates into intimacy, the willing vulnerability to which you expose yourself to your partner dwarfs that which you experience in all other relationships.

 

Trust Grows:-

While love can encompass a myriad of qualities, mutual trust is one of the most important.

And it expands much further than simply trusting that your partner won’t cheat physically. In this context, it means that you trust your partner implicitly.

You trust that he or she will not betray you or the relationship on a physical or emotional level.

As your love grows, so too does your level of trust.

Eventually, that trust reaches the point at which you’re unable to even conceive of your partner betraying you.

 

Intimacy Issues:-

 

intemacy issues

Intimacy issues plague many couples.

But, it’s important to understand what true intimacy is.

And it’s equally important to realize that issues surrounding it don’t necessarily preclude love.

For many couples, a lack of physical intimacy may be a problem, though they love and trust each other implicitly.

  • Issues involving emotional intimacy are often more severe.

For example, an emotional disconnection can be a warning sign that love is waning.

  • A lack of communication may also represent deeper issues.

 

Signs That You’re In Love:-

So, how do you know when you’re in love? Unfortunately, it’s often hard to tell because it involves two people so deeply on various physical and emotional levels.

That said, there are signs. For example, if your partner is late, your initial reaction may be a concern for their safety.

Or, you may begin to miss them horribly when they’re away.

Also, small things may constantly remind you of your partner.

 

Enjoying Your Partner:-

A true manifestation of love is found in the level of commitment, trust, physical and emotional intimacy, and mutual attachment that you enjoy with your partner.

It’s a confluence of several factors and any one factor does not, in and of itself, represent love.

Some claim that loving your partner is more than mere emotion.

It is, in effect, a choice that you make.

And that choice helps to sustain the relationship during times when any one of the above factors falters.

In the end, falling in love is about enjoying your partner on a level that no other person can hope to experience.

It’s about being vulnerable, yet trusting.

It’s about sharing yourself physically and emotionally, knowing that the commitment will be reciprocated. Falling in love is a natural progression toward a lifetime with your partner.

Bradley Cooper – you Gentlemen… you are HOT!!! GAGA – gorgeous….


“ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TRUST ME”

Man oh Man, this man is HOT!!

Energy levels, calmness, beautiful and amazing…. he gets it…

 

Both got it… Chemistry is everything and these two bomb shells my god… HOT.. love it, love the respect, the honesty the amazing frienship both have…

And that is what it is all about people, powerful Chemistry, it blows me away so very much when I feel them both and see it….

 

Life and Understanding , Loyalty, honesty, respect, hot, sexy, damn right means so much more than what you think..


That is how people connect… that is how you have all a higher level of understanding… not this other shit… that is what life is about….

Moments with Reflection


My moment was being very present and a little bit angry more at myself.. you are responsible for your own actions and beliefs and of course your own limitations in life.

You hope those that you spend your life with many years of talking, loving, helping each other and at times yes both have been at each other for many reasons however, that is marriage.. lack of understanding and most of all fears and vulnerability we tend to act out loudly because of many reasons.

However, if you map out each others lives what was it that lacked or perhaps stumbled with communication and why didn’t both of us or married couples, stop and perhaps make sure that we where both okay..

Takes a lot of understanding and unfortunately, perhaps that little bit of hesitancy was the killer or the moment that became broken and suddenly, “bang”, all over, red rover..

We are not perfect and perhaps we think or put ourselves at a high level of understanding forgetting to stop and smell that beautiful roses that should have been put in the ground with gratitude and appreciation to each other..

This is just a blurb of emotions, loving memories of moments of love and massive respect that I have and always will… I cannot explain something to you when I don’t understand it completely that is a crack of limitations of trust that both should have stopped a little bit before the massive titanic wave that hits with a savagely that even I wont express on a post..

Be respectful and love each other more and that spark that once put you both together..

I loved my life and will always respect it with love, honesty and most of all my entire heart and soul…

You only know what you only know… be kind, it is the only fair way to living life..

 

Men’s friendships is something us Women should learn…


Let me explain the title and the reasons why…..

Men when they trully bond with one another they have this mateship that is bonded like concrete or until one of them perhaps becomes a serial killer or steals a mates boat.. not wife boat… lol0_IhvGoiPgeMzZL0H2_.jpg

They bond and they keep that pack… however, let me also invest further both have to have a common like, investment, both have gold hidden in the backyard (both have a map on where that is located) or perhaps have this sexual simular normally off the charts because they do adore being competitive with one another… which is healthy apparently.. go figure.. I do adore their choices.. normally off the beaten track but, hey they learn slowly something…. joking…only joking…. .. go figure..

Men frankly are unique, beautiful souls, they hide with good reason what we cannot understand because frankly we are opinionated, warped, horrid women who obviously like to make men feel that they are grateful to have us…..why????? less than what you actually married…..(how sad are we as females..to do that to our men we love)

Now this is NOT all women some learn.. some decide NOT to become their mothers who detest the air their fathers breath.. and they become beautiful souls.. however, we do tend to be very emotionally driven.. which is not what men understand or want too.. really… I get that….

I am not trying to say men are better… I am trying to say be nicer girls to girls…

 

What I am really saying is they (men seem) to get it.. us ladies really need to be more suportive an we must stop this bullshit that we feel insecure all because that one girl has an eye lash bigger than your own.. I just do not get it.. we tend to sell one another out and our long beautiful lasting friendships go pear shaped all because we didnt do enough work on how to suport one another.

Maybe I am being a little harsh.. but, I have seen so many times in my own friendships that it doesnt take much to get a girl upset all because your skinner, smarter, blonder, have bigger boobs, or younger, older, seriously?  Learn ladies to embrace one another a little more and stop dissing your own kind we are all unique created and we need each other very much just as much as those boys that we adore..

Seriously, some of the above is I grant you horrid humour.. close to a bit of Monty Phython’s black and mercarb humour or in other words only those that have that inner laugh would understand my words above..

Always remember this if someone has to go to such lengths to diss you then that person isnt worth your time, keep it real, be honest, try not to gloss over your boring day, own it say I had a shit day this isnt a competition, another thing this jealousy bullshit us ladies do I dropped this part a very long time ago I think I was 15 it didnt work for me.. hated that feeling.. some chick saying I kissed your boyfriend.. I went wow, really I thought he had taste I guess I was wrong.. joking actually I did say that.. her name was Anna and she grew up to be quite the gold digger.. oh well hehehe   

See I too can be a mole, bitch, stuborn, I have a sick sense of humour In fact if I was honest I would have my own Comedy show cuz I am that funny NOT!… joking…

Now that above last sentence was the truth….. I tell you NO LIE…. ask Katie….lol

Anyway, love your sisters, hug them and learn from those that have that nice nature you never know you might learn something or.. the alternative is to watch your husband and his mates… your choice darling sisters…

images (5)Do you agree about us ladies should support one another more??

 

 

This place isn’t about Love……. it’s All about LUST!!!!!!


As she comes into a room and says it how it is…… ….

It isn’t about LOVE it is all about L U S T

https://thecandiiclub.com/2018/08/21/love-is-the-answer-you-know/

So, funny, I posted this comment (the above link) on a Website which I will not name, and it seems to some that Love isn’t the answer it is about LUST!!!

All about LUST, not love…… okay!

However, I was actually talking about marriage and couples that love each other and do what they do together..oh, well, perhaps I must be more clearer with my titles that I use in future.. damn it…… damn it…..

Silly me, naughty, naughty, get it right sweet innocent one…. (me I am talking about geezz)

That is fine I was referring to a majority of people or couples not referring to my total thoughts on what I think… or was I????

Or really what you think your justification of what you do with your husband…. go figure… I must, I must increase my ASS pictures, then I will know everything it is to understand about LUST….. sheesh I am still learning NOT!!

…..in case some didn’t get it that as me being sarcastically humourous sort of 🙂

Challenging, right? No? Yes? Perhaps? ………….ANNOYING RIGHT!!!!

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Wow, so quickly we judge, it is like talking to someone and suddenly they are finishing your answers so, so, so BAD Candii xxx

It is also about Listening, something I have recently learnt, it is also about patience, understanding, communicating, trusting, lusting if you wish and having hot erotic sweetly, nasty  and most of all spank sex right!

Which is something I must be lacking ATM, oh the Gods, please hear me roar, or those that wish to hear me, feel me, touch me, fuck me…. go figure……

So your talking about this??

 

Question Time People… if I get enough people to answer.. I was thinking about doing this with Prizes…. but, let’s see if others Answer any of my questions….


So ladies, I have a few questions for you if you have the time to answer 🙂

I wanted to find out what others thing of our preferred preferances in our life and todays society as we call it…What is missing in todays social stream, or perhaps friendships or how about this.. what does it take for you to call a friend a friend?

Us girls seem to love having friendships with either other girls or some girls prefer friendships with men, am I right?

  •  Which do you prefer to have a chin wag with Men or Ladies mates?
  • Why do you prefer it?
  • And what is it that you like about your choice of chatter?

 

Let’s chat ladies and if men wish to answer that would be nice…… let’s see if we get a few to answer some simple however, could be an interesting banter. I would prefter you to be brutally honest…..

End of a Journey… or Is it?


So, how does a Journey End, well, normaly,  I guess it would sound a bit like this, it is with love, respect, fabulous chemistry, trust, definately, communication that I will ever know in my life.

Then I would perhaps thank those who we had multiple times in the sack with and I would go into many experiences and even probably a sex hot story or two…right!

However, I cannot really tell a lie, it’s been close due to our minds thinking it.. is that an experience or is it a story in your head?

Hmm???

I am not an expert on the art of Sexual Taboos love to tell you a different story but, alas I would be lying, and that well, isnt me.

I guess we all have limitations and at times mostly fears mainly because we don’t tend to focus more on the positive side of life… It seems that people gravitate to a negivate picture of life rather than the positive which in fact is a damn shame.

I have a very limited sexual past damn it, that could be because I was married young, and it could also be those choices that we make in life well, end up being experiences that we need to work on further. “SHIT REALLY? NO”

For men though that old saying, “The World is my Oyster”, bless them for having that beautiful, birth right, as a man, you have the ability to do pretty much anything without even being slammed really.  I suppose that is the best part of being a male, they can sleep with as many women as they want, because let’s face it they are legends, and you know what why the “hell” not, really.best-sex-songs-of-all-time-kiiroo_2048x

So, I heard a funny news heading, the other day it was, “women have two choices, they can either be a “good girl or a “whore” unfortunately, there is no other choice for us girls.

Well, you could pick other sexual likes if you wish however, it really isnt the same is it!

So, ending of a era perhaps, it is, who really knows, no expectations ever was really set in stone, I guess if you “wave a magic wond” and the girl will turn into a slut for the evening without any repacutions, then that would be ideal, right?

Slut, what a word, jesus, that is the most horrid name a girl could be called, however, it all depends on how that is constructed in a story really, lol

I thought I was open, honest enough, I thought I did my best at connecting, loving, being a loving wife, however, I do believe, that perhaps, I was a little “wilfill”, perhaps a little “outspoken”, maybe a little “Rebellious” if you wish.

I have used bad language, but, I cannot seem to be able to cheat on any of my past partners, and definately my husband Courtney, I have loved that man since the day I met the blue eyed, long sandy, haired beach bum, that I remember walking into my home in Mt Hawthorn.

Talk about a journey of two willfill, outspoken, hugely loud individuals that we where and always have been, we have loved hard, we have fought hard but, we did both work very hard to making it to 21 years in October the 16th.

Does everything last forever, I had hoped so, who knows, it could, maybe, however, who knows what happens tomorrow perhaps if you have a crystal ball, you could tell me what our outcome will be that would be nice.

I had visioned many, many experiences of openness, honesty, trust that only those who worked hard for it could possibly master that title of a beautiful word..

Trust, true, loving, devoted, honoring, they are beautiful words that make you swoon right?, however, as we all yearn for Connection, finding that like-minded partner, we tend to walk our path which we talk about a lot..

concentrate on the path, stop looking for that damn squirrel, it will bite you, I am telling you, both of us always tend to get a bit bored on our path of life or perhaps frustrated in trying our asses off in getting there.  Suddenly, you find reasons not to walk the path and your then both with each other on the same damn path but, I always laugh about that squirrels we would always have in front of us or back of us.. all depends. (that was a joke)

friendshipsfirst

The Squirrel, is basically a term for a different route to life because I guess that is just a human aspect of our characters we all get a little stuck on something and before you know it our sight is forming on a different route because it entertains our minds.

I got a bit side tracked there, I am a little upset tonight, I guess, I am having a bit of a shit evening thinking of my future of being a counsellor and a sexologist, why? well, I guess it’s because perhaps I may not be as open-minded as I thought I could be.

I had this vision of helping those who needed our help forming a team of great minds with huge experiences, by empowering couples, singles, young adults in giving them “tools” to live a life better, happier, sexier, open with each other.
In doing this though of course I had to be open, honest, and probably think out of the box by putting ourselves in boxes that normal everyday couples don’t or wouldn’t dare.

Why? Funny, well that is how you experience life, you’re a better counsellor or sexologist by talking to couples who are out there swinging, saying and doing things that other couples wouldn’t do because well, its taboo of course.

Not just Taboo, risky, too hot for us kinda, I really didn’t get that far, nor would have maybe that’s my problem, who really knows, I listened very well, I struggled with us both having behaviour (mostly me).

Limitations due to disagreements of  little bumps  that can come up, and that worried me why? Well, because my hubby is important to me.. and I was trying to understand how this could ever work.. without drama, agruements, etc.. so you tend to watch each other and make decisions based on what you know.. and perhaps that is the wrong thing..   What you know, is what you know?

So, what if it worked out????????

That my friends is the BIG question… however, ego, pride, jealousy whichever, could get into a messy, messy moment so, perhaps we talked too much and never did it..

that isnt a bad thing.. its a loving thing.. respectful, but, not a spontanious thing… if there is no connection, understanding or even a mind that is like minded then why would you be that stupid for male on male or female oh you get my point…

Risks are BIG or NOT…. you need to work that little bugger out…. now dont you??

And many times I felt no fear and so wanted to open up turn around and see what I life I actually decided to slow it down to make sure this is what he wanted and of course I wanted as well.  Our marriage is important to us and so are our friends, family and people that we socially know and I am not one for liking that hurt factor especially, if I have never experienced a connection that we all could experience or together I really have no answer to things I don’t understand nor let alone experienced.

I did ponder and my husband did on Redhotpie, to see what was out there and many other sites, and I have written some of what I have seen and it is a bit of a difference of likes and kinks out there which is healthy and as most would call it Taboo..

voyeurisme

So, how do you know if you can do such things? GOOD question!

I guess behaviour, has alot to do with it, if your living life and enjoying your life together and growing and understanding and loving then you have no hick ups.  However, if you see hic ups, of anger, broodiness, and just not quite there yet, you tend to slow it down until you see those roses I guess.

It can possibly hinder your marriage, I have to say, it has pushed us both into a bit of disputes we seems so fustrated so you commuicate to understand why right?

Let’s face it Brave it is… it takes alot of trust, and love, and you must always, always, talk to each other especially those hard difficult talks.. you know, those talks of honesty, those are the ones that get you both hostile from time to time because you could both disagree or perhaps agree.. 

We are all different

This is good, to do, and if you can do this without a arguement then all lights are green it’s fine weather right!  Well, life isnt that simple, now is it we all have bills, fustrations, road blocks, we both have different personalities and ideas of how that looks and it is an interested talk but, at times can easily get lost in translation and a little insulting towards each other too.

This is normal though, just sometimes I guess your obsticles can get stuck a bit and we will then go into a different mindset called, “Ground hog day”, this is where we go over, and over the same talk until we are wanting the conversation STOPPED!

Sound familuar, yuppers, too familuar, but, of course it is healthy because you care and love one another and you both dont want to be misunderstood!

Well, I guess, even those taboo goers may talk about this with each other of course it would be much different because they live that life style and really it  is part of there lives so what they talk about isnt what we talk about..

I have limitations as a female, I have been in situations that you would call not good, and for me it was important to make sure that we both where safe so we spent alot of time talking and sometimes we wouldnt and those times where good times.

Life together as a couple is either easy, hard, difficult or no way, we have church on Sunday and we better eat the bread of christ so, there is no naughty naughty, right!

So, is it over?

Time will tell, and I guess, or hope it isn’t but, this isnt easy, wish at times it was, and funny enough the more you talk, the more you talk yourself out of a situation and then it turns into a spat a tac.

Fustration comes to mind, remember a good connection is all about being honest, open, trustworthy and loving if you find any of those emotions lacking then you need to refocus because it will tarnish and harm your beautiful marriage.

The yeses, become no’s and when they are questioned sometimes incequirities arise where they never rose before.. why? well, tabboo county comes to mind, and parts of your inner self does tend to get stuck on something that even a elephant may have trouble in explaining whys, could bes, of course and definately NO’s.

Just focus on your Communication, trust, openness, a want for both partners, never leave a partner back in the car park wondering which lane to park the damn car, this could take years and lots of tears..

And most definately Enjoy your lives because we only have 1 life so experienc it with openess and most of all love… very important..

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Candii xx

Sharing and Caring – by Franny…


Hello Cindii here,

I have amended this to include a very private bit of one story that occurred to me.. so you have an idea what happens.. so please read.. comments would be lovely if you wish… if you don’t all good.. this is all about understanding…and sharing a story of hope….

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I wanted to share with you a few truths about my journey to date, I have experienced many chapters that often can be beautiful, make you smile, love, desire, trust, cherish, those words that you don’t often see in posts.

We are more likely to see words like, I had a terrible day because, I didn’t get out of bed because, I feel sad, I can’t stop feeling like I am a bad person, Why am I worthless, What did I do to you, How come I feel so ashamed, I want to kill myself!

Now those above are definately HUGE…… WARNING SIGNS, and to be perfectly honest, I have used everyone of them and more, only to me and only in my head I use them unless I am speaking to someone I trust enough to tell them too. (it took me years and years to understand why I felt so low for so long)

So, how to stop your little “minions” in your head?!?

Well, you have to forse yourself to say things nice about YOU… easy? is it?

It is yes 🙂

Well, the first step is reading my post, so thank you if you are suffering any of those emotional words and I want to say something to you, “You will be okay, if you allow yourself “this”, take those steps to help “YOU”, because I felt all of those words and more my dear reader and it hurt my soul, deeply, I felt like I was worth nothing, and it was distroying everything I was, and wanted to live for and that isn’t fair to live a life having those emotional words in your head, right!

So, I guess my journey perhaps a little off center you could say how I ended up getting help – long story personal story.. perhaps for a book that may come out later when all are dead… (that was a joke)

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Life is about learning, And, yes look above, “Don’t be so hard on yourself”, we all do it, we all think that we are not good enough, so I am here to tell you, Boulderdash, and Bees wax, you SO, ARE!!!!

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This picture is me a little enhanced at Easter however, still it is me, smiling, happy, I don’t look at all sad now do I?

WRONG!!!

Well, I was, I was so down, and battelling with me it was taking my life away within an instant, “my flashbacks where so bad, that I thought that I was dying, I recall, pleading over the telephone, to my husband, saying I had been raped too many times I don’t and still wont put that number down here”!!!

My heart sank, I was in such shock my entire body was trembling under me, I was home alone, and I felt empty, humiliated, I felt that my life was over, and there was nothing within that moment of time that you could say, do or even give me to make me feel better once I acknowedged that horrid number!!

I cried my eyes out, and then shock hit me.. I went white, my body was trembling, swet was dripping off me like a tap and my breath was just about “done”!

I wanted out!!!!

I wanted to die, I wanted nothing else but, to end my life because I felt like I was worthless!!

I had enough energy to get up I walked into my spare room and I forsed myself to do my timeline to see exactly that number…. and I was right!

Then suddenly it hit me, I felt better, I have no idea what it was, I think it was finding out that 1 person had hurt me multiple times and for some stupid reason I was relieved to read that… well, at least I felt morbidly better..

Seriously, how does that sound? 

I felt better because 1 person raped me multiple times?? WTF???

So, now what?  Well, as we all do we live, and that is exactly what I wanted to do, I wanted to live happier, love those that I care about, and live a life that I really feel passionate about because my life looking back was shit!!

And, frankly, I don’t care how other perseve me, I really could give a hoot about anyones rude behaviour because I am me, and I am strong enough, to get through all that has been done to me.

Why because I am worth it!!

And so are you!!!

So here is my suggestions to living a life worth living and loving yourself because you deserve to live it !!!!

“Never ever, allow another to take something off you without your approval, without your, acknowledgement, without your concent”

So, here I am after 3 years or take a few months if you wish, happier, getting healthier, and definately doing what I want to do and that is helping others that have suffered the same as I have suffered.

I also want to help couples, love better, kinder, sexier, hotter, push themselves to a point of understanding why they are attracted to one another… or push our own boundaries because we are worth every moment from the day we are born…

My motto is ………….. for gods sakes life is too short lick the bloody spoon, will you!!

Look for your warning signs like I did….. below I had more than those, let me give you the hot tip!!!

I used this term, “Ground hog day”, The never-ending Story and I use, “The Trueman Show”, those titles are about reflecting on a part of your life that hurt your soul and it was brushed under the carpet so no one knew it was that messy.

The only solution for erasing or at least diminishing those titles is about learning and listening and understanding a new yet odd language of life, this takes devotions, a wanting to let it go, a strength within yourself to understand neglect, harm, trauma, all those words and more I wanted to set yourself FREE.

Okay, how do you do that?

Well, it takes time, it takes patience, it takes trust, respect yourself and those around you to help you evolved into the beautiful human you can be..

Firstly, you need to find someone who has the background that can help you move forward, then you need to trust that you’re not going to be harmed by the person you chose to help you.

What do you look for in a counselor or therapist or even a trust friend, partner or family member:

However, I would recommend the first two suggestions Counsellor or therapist mainly because they will give you the tools to help you going forward.

Here are some suggestions that I would say to you to do:

Make sure your ready to do this each persons experience can and will affect you and you have to make sure that you understand this before you even go down this path.

If your trauma is sexual, abusive, harmful experience that you went through you must seek a professional as they will help you cope with using tools that will help you cope with these epoxides.

First steps:

  • So make sure you feel ready for this new journey of letting go of your past!
  • Make sure you have plenty of rest, you eat well and are exercising or at least physically fine before you do any sessions with anyone.
  • No DRUGS!!!!!!
  • No alcohol on an ongoing basis this will distort your thoughts and run you down
  • Remember it isn’t your fault and you must understand what may have occurred will not harm you going forward by talking about it with a professional.
  • Drink Water it will hydrate you 

These first steps are set because I understand on all the above as I myself have suffered from drinking too much, having drugs to numb me and health and hygiene is a MUST, with depression and sadness, any trauma, you will become a sloth!! Sorry, you WILL time will not heal you with isolation, depression, anxiety, sadness, it will kill you.. so please understand I am trying to give you sound advice…

How did I feel about me: “I hated me, I hated them, I hated everything about ME, and then some!!

Second Steps:

After you have managed to set yourself free of those nastier, you then decide who should I use as good counsellors..theraphist or even a psychologist,  I will help you with some by adding them to the bottom of this post.

Okay, so your ready to find a good counsellor or therapist!!

  • Find a therapist that has the tools with your trauma, sadness, depression or anxiety that you’re experiencing
  • Ask questions…. it is your right to ask them to your chosen person that you will be telling your trauma too!!
  • Understand your rights… they have a duty of care to report anyone they feel will harm you or perhaps you will harm another.. this is just the set rules of any type of professional and they should inform you on the first session.
  • Remember they are not your BEST friend, they are a sounding board for you to talk to, cry to, understand yourself and help you move forward in your journey of life!

So, if you wanted to invite them to a BBQ, they will decline as they are only there to help you find those tools in moving forward to a better life.

Now remember it is all up to you… you will experience episodes of joy, happiness, and most of all if it was trauma or abuse, you could possibly in fact WILL have flashbacks of that time in your life … relax, it will get better…

Trust your journey Like I have it is about understanding yourself and allowing you to live a better happier and for for filling life going forward.

Now, just so you know, we are only human, we do cry, we get angry we will yell, scream, get confused and have times of sorrow.

However, with the right help you will discover that life can and will be better if you allow yourself to be Open and most of all keep your pride and ego at the door when you enter because that my friends, is everyone’s Achilles!!

The time it took me is over 3 years this all depends on your personal experiences in your life.. so understand it isnt a quick fix.. however, it is a life better lived if you are brave enough to allow yourself to do this..

My suggestion is do it!! For YOU!!

Counselling Support is below:

Mens Health Help contacts:

Child Help for parents:

Why do we put labels on sexual roles?


Just because you may classify yourself as a top or bottom, or dom or sub, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a bit of the other during kinky play.

Indeed, Fetish.com says if you scrap the labels and switch things up, sex can be a whole lot more enjoyable…

The terms “topping” and “bottoming” paint service-oriented sex in black and white. They assume that each corresponding party has only one set of interests that don’t extend beyond their role.

Humans, however, are complex, and this is not the case for most people. Can a top love anal stimulation?

Can bottoms enjoy inserting things into their partners’ various orifices? Absolutely, and you don’t need to be a switch to incorporate diverse preferences without compromising the dynamic of a scene.

Getting what you want out of a scene

Our desires can sometimes exist as the opposite of our sexual personae, so it’s important to take them out of the context of a scene for this conversation with your partner(s) or yourself.

Instead, phrase your list of wants and needs with, “I want to receive,” or “I want to give.” The only roles that need to be considered here are whether you are the giver or recipient of the play at hand.

Once you know what specific sensations you and your partner(s) are chasing, you can then decide how you want to switch to give or receive them.

Switch it up: talk about how you want it

For many, sexual preferences are seen in terms of dominant and submissive behaviour, which means that while someone may like to be spanked, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll enjoy a spanking anytime, any place, by anyone.

If someone gets off from being in a position of dominance, then the way they receive a spanking must be done following that preference.

Switch and reverse roles. Woman with collar and chain.
Unleash your sexual desires. Switch up your roles during kinky play.

However, my Dom(me) will punish me if I spank her, but not if I was commanded to do so, especially if she holds my leash as I spank her, or if then I’m spanked in return for not taking her orders correctly.

The above is one example of service-oriented submission, which is a fancy term for doing things to your top from the bottom. The premise of service within the context of power exchange is existing solely to please your Mistress or Master, even though doing so also pleases you.

How can a sub go about initiating?

How does a sub go about anything? By asking permission, of course:

“Sir, may I please insert this toy inside of your butt?”

“You may, but only after getting it nice and wet first.”

How does said sub know their Master enjoys anal play?

They had a very open and clear conversation about what they want to experience before they started playing. During which, there was ample opportunity for the sub to say, “Initiating anal play might take me out of my subspace. Can you command me to use the toy on you instead?”

Get rid of the labels

Spanking is not only for bottoms, and receiving blowjobs is not just for tops. Getting spanked and getting blown are both acts of receipt.

Both require a giver and taker. The versatile aspect of these actions is the motive behind them.

Is Person A receiving a spanking because they were naughty or because they’re demanding one for pleasure?

Is Person B getting blown at their own accord, as a reward for behaving well, or as a means of humiliation?

Beyond the disassociation of behaviour from pre-conceived roles, there lies a broader variety of possible sensations that can be experienced within a power exchange.

Your physical position during a sex act (i.e. top or bottom) does not mandate your status as a Dominant or Submissive, your intent does.

Put differently, taking the act and the role as separate things opens you up to many more possibilities for interesting power play.

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